


My Ridonculous Race

by AnimationAdventures, NicolasCarraway



Category: Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2020-04-12 10:51:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 282,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19130536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimationAdventures/pseuds/AnimationAdventures, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicolasCarraway/pseuds/NicolasCarraway
Summary: As much as I enjoyed The Ridonculous Race, I couldn't help but feel like there were some parts were it could be improved. Not only are all 18 canon teams comepting but so are 7 new ones. New friendships, challenges, locales and drama abound. Who will win? Read it yourself and find out!





	1. Meet my OC's

For anyone who bothers to watch me, and all those TD fans out there, i decided to start posting something I've been working on for a while, it's something that i'm very proud of. It's my fan fiction of Total Drama presents: The Ridonculous Race. This version will include several new episodes written just for this story along with my 7 own OC teams. These characters mean a lot to me and i can't to see what you all think of them, and what you all think of my story. It should update every Friday.

Without further ado here are the 7 new teams competing for the $1 million prize.

=== Fabian and Jordan ===

Meet the Animaniacs; Jordan Baker Hill and Fabian Nicolas Caraway

Jordan's ripe and ready to compete but Fabian still has some hang ups about this whole thing. 

Fabian was raised in the bay area of California. He’s the only boy out of a family of 6 kids and is the 3rd born child. His family thought something was unusual about their son when he always did the same thing day after day and he never seemed to talk or make any noise and seemed displeased when they deviated from a typical routine, while most parents would be delighted to have such a quiet child his parents felt something was up. They had him tested and found out he was autistic, though this diagnosis wasn’t official until he was 11! His autism makes him sensitive to noise and certain sights, easily excitable and distracted, unable to tie his shoes or ride a bike, incapable of breaking out of his own schedule, prone to stimming at inopportune times, silent, and he only started learning how to drive last year. Though his family has tried their best to raise him to be neurotypical they still don’t fully understand him and have made several erroneous mistakes in trying to raise him normally, like sending him to seminars that provided no help and having him take jobs that he was promptly fired from for simply being autistic. Salvation came when he moved in with his best friend May and her family and has since blossomed into a semi normal man. He met Jordan when visiting May’s boyfriend’s house and noticed his sister. Sam told him she was available and while it took a year he asked her on a “date” and eventually took her on what he considered a real one. Though they don’t seem like they go together both share several things in common like apathy towards most of the human race and a twisted sense of humor. He’s considers himself grateful to have friends like May and Sam and someone like Jordan to date. He’s always been fascinated by cartoons and animated movies, he’s got near encyclopedic knowledge of all the shows he loved watching as a child, and he’s studying to become an animated scriptwriter and one day work for either Dreamworks animation or Cartoon Network studios.

Jordan may seem like some other ordinary girl but she’s a bit more than that. Jordan grew up in Vancouver with her twin brother Sam and they’ve been partners in crime forever. Jordan used to be the one who had to goad Sam into trying new things but all that changed when they were in Middle School and Sam became the more outgoing and daring of the two, ever since then they’ve done a multitude of crazy things together. Jordan exudes an aura of politeness but she’s also got a twisted sense of humor and an occasional disregard for other people’s feelings. Despite this she loves those dearest to her including her parents, her brother, her brother’s girlfriend and her current boyfriend, yet she’ll promptly ignore anyone she doesn’t care about, which means international tragedies don’t phase her at all and in her own words “these things are becoming way too common.” Jordan did date three other people in the past but none of them where keepers, then Fabian asked if they could hang out at the zoo she took him on his offer and they both had fun, over his repeated visits he always seemed to want to hang out with her and she always enjoyed his unusual company, she doesn’t mind his autism as she used to help autistic kids. She found him oddly endearing and fun, not to mention they could always talk about either the most twisted or pointless things together without judgment, it also helps that they have the same taste in men, animated or an illustration. When a year passed since their first meeting, Fabian admitted his feelings to her and asked her out on a real date, but she said she thought they were already dating, which was a total shock to him. They’ve been dating ever since, and Fabian still thinks it’s all just a beautiful dream that he’ll one day wake up from but Jordan reassures him it’s not. She’s fully aware of all her boyfriend’s faults and weaknesses but is always encouraging him to be himself and helping him, even though she’s aware she’ll probably have to be his cheerleader forever. She aspires to work in animation liker her friends but also wants to be as legendary a critic as Roger Ebert. She’s a real twisted sister and that’s just how Sam likes her.

Fabian was told about the race by May who had already auditioned with Sam and told him to audition with Jordan. Fabian told her and she actually seemed up to the idea but he still had his hang ups pointing out that they’re not particularly smart or athletic, but Jordan changed his mind. She was the one who had to make the audition tape and send it in after several tries, most of them failed because of Fabian’s apparent foot in mouth syndrome. When they got the call they’d been accepted to race she was happy but Fabian was cautious, leading up to the race she helped train her boyfriend to build up his stamina and make him have a little muscle mass. If they win they both agreed, they’re going to visit the best zoos and natural history museums in the world. 

They’re both 22.

Jordan's Description: 6’2, 175 pounds, Caucasian, brown eyes, dirty blonde hair in a ponytail, a rather long nose for a woman, she’s of average build. Wears a light blue and white hooded t-shirt and mom jeans, her shoes are red and white racing shoes. Voice by: Sarah Natochenny 

Fabian's Description: 6’2, 185 pounds, White Latino, green eyes, wavy short disheveled looking brown hair, he’s also of average build. He wears a blue shirt with white markings on it, blue tartan shorts and gladiator shoes. Voice by: Demetri Martin. 

=== May and Sam ===

Meet The Anime nerds; Sam Hill and May Takahashi.

Super freak and super geek unite as one. 

May also grew up in the bay area and is Fabian’s best friend, but she didn’t meet Fabian until they were 4. One day in September while she was reading on the playground, a young boy gave her a box, inside that box was a lizard. Most kids would scream but May loved it, she hugged the boy and he then told her that he was dared to give her it by a couple of other boys, she went to go hug them but they ran in terror and the lizard wormed away from her and she was still holding its tail in her hand. She seemed sad but Fabian told her that the lizard does that as a defense mechanism, he saw it on a show called “extreme animal countdown” they continued to talk until they were called back inside, and on that day both of their lives changed. They would talk the rest of the day and even slept next to each other at naptime, when the time came for them to go home Fabian asked her mom if she could come over to his house, having not made many friends up to that point her mom said yes and they went his house. At 4 that day they watched their first TV show together “extreme animal countdown: appendages”, at 5 they watched “extreme animal countdown: speed freaks”. Fabian told her about all the TV shows he loved to watch that day and was surprised to find out how much May also knew about them, she loved them just as much as he did. At 6 they had dinner, macaroni and cheese, after dinner May’s mom came to pick her up and May didn’t want to leave, so both of their moms talked and organized new play dates and they’ve been friends ever since. May has always been incredibly smart and was always helping Fabian in math, if she didn’t he would fail otherwise, but never acted like she was superior to him. They went to kindergarten together and then the same elementary school but only shared one teacher, Mrs. Riddick, they then went on to separate middle schools and both them say it was by far their worst years and were completely lost without each other, May became insufferable and Fabian was a total ass. May almost skipped ahead to high school without taking 8th grade, but things were saved when their mothers got them together after a few years for a day in San Francisco, they caught up and promised never to leave each other’s sides ever again. They thankfully went to the same high school together, and May helped Fabian make several new friends along with a few all her own. It was also at this time she got into cosplay and conventions and at her first convention she met another person who would change her life. She bumped into a boy her own age and was kind of smitten by his costume (the blonde swimmer from Iwatobi swim club) she simply asked for the directions to the hall she needed to be at but wound up striking a long conversation with him. They were surprised to find out how much they had in common and when they had to leave he gave her his email so they could continue to talk. Later that night she sent him an email asking for his name proper, which she never got. The next morning she got her answer, “Samuel Vincent Matthew Hill, but just call me Sam” After she and Fabian graduated high school and started community college she started conversing with Sam at every opportunity and the day after she graduated community college he came to the Bay area to meet her in person after countless hours of skyping. They really lived it up in the 14 days they were together and before he left Sam asked her to properly be his girlfriend, she said yes. In the ensuing months they did a lot of video dating where they confessed their hopes and dreams to each other, it was then they decided to be a power couple and go into the tv/movie world together. May knows fully about Fabian’s autism but doesn’t let it affect their friendship, she also tries to help him out as much as she can and in recent years has had to help him learn how to be independent.

Sam was a seemingly normal Canadian child. He and his sister where always doing mischievous things like exploring areas cornered off, walking through the city unsupervised, and watching toonami late at night. They’ve always shared a geeky fascination for things like anime, sci fi and fantasy but Sam’s always had a soft spot for horror. Sam was always regarded by his classmates as “just there” and Jordan was the one who typically had to coerce him into trying new things, then when he was 13 something changed. In his own words he “stopped giving a shit” about what other people thought about him and became more freaky. He bought new gothic clothes, shaved the sides of his head, started getting piercings, and was a lot more outgoing and hammy. While his parents were shocked at this personality change they were encouraging of him to try new things and try he did. In the ensuing years he was constantly labeled as crazy by his classmates and would always take any opportunity to be the life of the party. He got his 1st tattoo when he was 16 but kept it a secret from his parents for years. Late in his high school career when his family was visiting relatives, he took the opportunity to visit a local con and came dressed as the quickest costume he could make up. That was when he bumped into a girl dressed like Kagome, they struck up a conversation and at the end he gave her his email so they could always be in contact. It was only after their 1st email did he learn her name, Mariyama Matsumoto Takahashi. In the ensuing years of community college they skyped and tweeted each other constantly, early one summer he decided to visit her for 2 weeks and that’s when they officially became a couple. Sam and May have the same love and passion for so many things that they decided to unite and become a power couple, directing and writing their own movies and graphic novels. Sam’s an easy going guy who’ll happily be friends with anyone and will do anything to make someone happy, he’s also not one to hold a grudge easily or seek revenge. He quickly became Fabian’s newest friend when they first met and May was saved having her best friend and her boyfriend being mortal enemies. He was the one who encouraged him to ask out his sister and is their biggest supporter. Sam is determined to live his life to the fullest and make spectacle out of himself doing it, but he’s determined to live long life. He’s been out as bisexual since he was 15 and is a total spitfire.

May found out about the race when an internet ad caught her attention. She wanted to do something she’d never tried before and knew she had the perfect partner in her boyfriend. Sam was rip roaring and ready to go. He also helped convince Fabian to audition with his sister and when he found out all 4 of them would be on the race he was so happy. If they win they’ll use the money to pay for the schooling necessary to become truly iconic movie makers. 

Both are 22 years old.

May's Description: 5’7, 145 lbs, Japanese and Korean in decent, gray eyes, black hair that’s represented by a dark orchid that goes down to her calves, average build, dark grey tank top, black t-shirt underneath, necklace made of the skeletal lizard tail from the day she met Fabian underneath that, blue bolo tie, black left stocking and white right stocking, white left shoe and black right shoe, red and black skirt, dark blue shorts, red accessory in her hair and glasses worn purely for aesthetic purposes. Voice by: Janice Kawaye 

Sam's Description: 5’7, 145 lbs, Caucasian, pale skin, pale blonde hair, skinny svelte, hoodie with the sleeves cut off, baggy khaki pants, brown eyes, uggs boots, a multitude of tattoos on his arms and even more all over his body, sides of the head shaved, piercings in his ears, eye brow and tongue. Voice by: Sam Vincent.

=== Annie and Leo === 

Meet the siblings; Anneliese and Leonardo Della Reese.

These 2 will make a real song and dance on their journey round the world. 

Leo and Annie grew up in Cleveland Ohio, their life seemed about as quintessentially American as it could get at least until Leo turned 6. Their mother found out that their father had been having an affair and their father found out his wife was doing the same thing. In her anger she attacked him and the police were called to cool them down. Leo and Annie where spending the day with their Grandparents and came home to something no child should ever come home to. Their parents divorced soon afterwards and their father left to go elsewhere, the courts declared their Mother unfit to take care of children and they were given to their grandparents. Though initially saddened and confused by what happened to their parents their Grandparents, Merida and Kenneth, did their best to raise them. Leo’s the older and more serious minded of the two. Being the big brother he feels the need to protect his sister from everything. While smart he doesn’t have a lot of other friends cause he doesn’t want anyone to get as close to him as his parents and potentially be hurt by them. Leo and Annie grew up on things like TV land reruns, bob hope specials on dvd, the Carol Burnett show on dvd, the Ed Sullivan show on dvd, and big band music. They also have an affinity for musical theatre and own every important Broadway musical on cd and on their iPods, they’ve also committed every song to memory and are great singers. They both also are in theater club at school and take dance lessons, Leo also knows how to play the guitar and piano. Annie loves everyone, she’s very kind but she’s not entirely naïve and stupid. Leo sometimes has to reel her in from doing anything potentially dangerous, she knows everyone at their school and everyone who’s met her says she’s impossible to hate, but will admit Annie’s optimism and kindness can sometimes be too sweet to swallow. Both were exemplary students and teachers loved them. They love their grandparents dearly and consider them their true parents.

Annie discovered the race when she saw a flyer advertising for it on a telephone pole in the local park while walking her dog, she took it home and showed it to Leo but Leo said that the odds of them making it onto the show, let alone winning it were slim to none. Annie responded saying how this opportunity doesn’t come along every day and they should really try it, they could have fun. She eventually wore Leo down and they sent their audition tape in. Leo was thoroughly surprised when they got accepted to be on the race and now that he’s actually competing he’s gonna give it all he’s got. Annie’s just excited to see the world but both agree that if they win they’ll use the prize money to take their grandparents on another trip around the world for their upcoming 44th wedding anniversary. 

Annie is 20 while Leo is 22

Annie's Description: 5’6, 130 lbs, Caucasian, body like Twiggy in the 60s, natural platinum blonde hair in a cute page boy cut, big heterochromatic eyes: one dark blue the other light blue, candy cane colored shirt and tights, red skirt, white shoes with pink accents, apple shaped face. Voice by: Melissa Fahn 

Leo's Description: 6’2, 180 lbs, Caucasian, skinny dancer’s body, Venetian blonde hair in a quiff cut, Greco roman features and Cleopatra nose, dark blue eyes, cool grey t shirt, chess themed jacket, slate gray pants, black and white shoes. Voice by: Michael Sinterniklaas.

=== Syd and Dani ===

Meet the Mother and son; Sydney and Danielle Telani

There’s nothing quite like mother/son bonding, and in this case it’s not creepy or pathetic. 

Syd and Dani live in Northern California. Dani makes a living as a relator. While their life isn’t glamorous, they’re happy but it wasn’t always this way. Syd was born during his parents 2nd year of marriage, while they seemed like a perfectly happy family things changed when Syd turned 5. One day Dani woke up to find her husband gone, she eventually found a note from him saying he’s leaving and he’s never coming back. Dani initially didn’t believe this but a week passed and she knew he was telling the truth. She sent Syd to go live with the neighbors while she spent 3 days contemplating what to do, she actually considered suicide during that time but knew she couldn’t leave her son all alone in the world. She decided she’d go into the real estate market and eventually got her license, she’s been consistently ranked as one of the top realtors in the city for years. While her job paid the bills her colleges where more than willing to help her raise her son. Syd didn’t initially understand why his father left and while his mother has told him not to worry about it and to forget about it he can’t help but feel like he was responsible for it, so he set out to become the best son possible. He was exemplary in school his entire academic career, save for gym, but because of his need to be with his mom and his shyness he never really developed any fiends but was thankfully never bullied. Syd came out as bisexual when he was 14 but his mother said she’d known since he was 8, despite this he hasn’t really dated anyone. While he could go to any college he wants he still doesn’t know what to do with his life.

Syd and his mom found out about the race while channel surfing one night, though the prize of $1 million was enticing Syd really wanted to enter to show the world, and all his former classmates, that he could do something great and was an awesome person. Dani also wanted to see the world, so they agreed to send an audition tape but didn’t expect to be selected. Now that they’re on the show they’re gonna use the money and go on a cruise if they win and pay off some debt of course. 

Syd is 20 while Dani is 44

Syd's description: 5’6, 155 lbs, Olive skin, brown eyes, semi long hair he’s dyed navy blue (natural color is the same as his mom’s), average build, blue t shirt, navy blue shorts and blue shoes. Voice by: Yuri Lowenthal

Dani's description: 5’7, 170 lbs, Olive skin, brown eyes, long wavy umber hair, white t shirt, black shrug, black skirt, mom jeans, black shoes. Voice by: Maya Rudolph

=== June and Quince === 

Meet the Julliard Students; June Oberst and Quince Amadeus Bhagwandeen “Quince Amadeus”

They’ll pirouette their way across everyone else, well at least one of them will. 

June was raised by two parents who wanted their daughter to be the best of the best. Ever since a young age they’ve trained her to be smart as a whip, and she’s been dancing since the age of 5. She always gets A’s in real school and dance class, and all it cost her was normal social interactions. Her parents thought their lives where perfect but unbeknownst to them June was becoming feed up with their smothering but never had the gall to speak to them. When she was 8 she did something drastic. While looking in the attic one day she noticed the family tree and learned about cousins that her mother didn’t know about. So one day she packed her things, took a bus, and went to live with them up state. She explained the whole situation to them and they allowed her to stay with them for a month before they called her mom. When they finally talked she unleashed years’ worth of anger on her, saying she was sick of her BS and without her she was genuinely having fun in school and activities while still being at the top of the class. Then they didn’t speak for a week. Then when she called them again they apologized and they worked out an agreement. She could stay with her cousins so long as she maintained her grades and they’d drop in once a month for them to catch up on life and see how things were going. Nowadays they get along so much better. June’s teachers will all tell you she’s a natural born winner but has trouble when it comes to group projects, often taking the lead or making herself the star. Her teachers also notice that while she’s always at the top of the class they never really see her personality believing she’s only good at being the best but doesn’t really express herself like everyone else. June has only had one real friend in her life as most people can’t stand her bossy attitude for prolonged periods.

Quince’s life was seemingly normal until he was 5. His parents dropped him off at his aunt’s house in Tallahassee, Florida with a backpack full of necessities and said he’d have to stay the night there while they did “grown up things”. Days passed and they never came back for him, he then asked his Aunt Emily (sister of his mother) what had happened and she explained, with brutal honesty, that prior to his birth his parents made a living as jewel forgers. They dropped him off here because law enforcement had caught up to them after 6 years of hiding and they were liable to be arrested, and wanted to save him from child services. Young Quince didn’t fully get what she said so then she told him that he was going to stay with her from now on. His aunt worked as an electrical engineer and would bring him to work when school was done. One day while walking through downtown Quince looked inside a music shop and went inside and started playing the big piano. To everyone’s surprise he understood notes very well. Aunt Emily then decided to enroll him in music lessons, his teacher was astounded by his talent and he started playing every instrument he could get his hands on. No matter what he mastered it quickly, and when it came time for him to join the band at school he jumped at the chance. He was the star student and pretty soon the local ballet hired him to be in the orchestra and he’d perform at all their recitals. He meet June when they were 9, he bumped into her before a recital of swan lake and after the show they talked, and quickly bonded due to their love of classical music and Quince soon became June’s sole friend. He’d play in the orchestra while June would dance onstage, June would help him out with homework and Quince would hang out with her and occasionally June would teach him how to dance and he’d be in the ensemble. While good friends with June even he admits her dominant attitude sometimes makes it hard to be around her. June graduated as class valedictorian and both got into their dream school of Julliard.

They found out about the race when June found a flyer on campus advertising for teams. Quince wanted to go around the world but knew that June would force herself to be team leader so he only agreed to audition on one condition, they split the work. June agreed and in their audition tape she danced while he played piano, hoping this would help them stand out. If they win they’re gonna pay off Julliard and go to Vienna, the Memphis of classical music, and London. 

June is 22 while Quince is 21.

Quince's description: 5'7, 150 lbs, Afro-Caribbean skin and features, moderate build, curly hair styled like Bruno Mars, brown eyes, brown t-shirt, white jacket with red stripes, blue jeans and black and white shoes. Voiced by: Michael B. Jordan

June's description: 5'9, 130lbs, light Asian skin tone, facial features match no particular race, brown eyes, spade shaped face, dark sepia hair with white, blue and pink highlights, ballet dancers body, wears black jacket with silver filigree on it over dark blue and purple blouse, silver tights with black cobwebs, silver and black pleated skirt, black shoes. Voiced by: Jennifer Hale.

=== Aaron and Yves ===

Meet the Models; Aaron Sanders and Yves Lauren

Beauty and moderate intelligence and decency? It’s possible.

Yves has never had to worry about money. The daughter of a financial broker and an apparel trader her family has never had to struggle for money, even when the Great Recession hit they still lived the life of Riley in upper class Los Angeles. Inspite of all her money Yves is spoiled sweet and doesn’t think any more or less of a person due to their wealth. From a young age she strived to be the center of attention, she satisfied this by taking gymnastics and was quite good at it, she especially loves to ribbon dance. One day while her family was out walking a photographer noticed and asked her parents to star in a new ad campaign directed at children’s clothes. They said yes and Yves’ desire to be a model was born. She had a natural talent for the camera and exuded effervescence, she’s modeled on and off ever since then. While they could send her anywhere her parents decided it would be best if she was in the public school system. While Yves was a decent student she didn’t make many friends because everyone knew about her wealth and assumed she was shallow. In her first year of high school that all changed. She meet Aaron. Aaron was someone she could talk to and they became fast friends, they later discovered they had met earlier in life because they were both part of the same ad campaign when Yves was little. They’ve bonded over their love of fashion throughout history, movie animatronics and make up, and shows they watched on HGO and Showtide. After they graduated high school, she convinced him that they should both try out for her favorite show “Model Behavior”. While Aaron knew they were hot enough he still didn’t feel like they could make it on the show, much less win it. They auditioned and both made it on the show where they quickly established themselves as the front runners due to their natural unkempt beauty and likeable personalities, they even made several friends and the only real thorns in their sides was Kristie. Though they both fought hard the winners where Nargis and Avishai, but as they both claim “I couldn’t have lost to anyone better”. While they didn’t win that show they’ve both enjoyed steady modeling gigs ever since and have done some international traveling. Yves’ dreams are to be an Oscar winning costume designer like Edith Head, Sandy Powell, and Colleen Atwood.

Aaron is one unique young man. From a young age he’s always attracted attention for his good looks but in spite of all the attention, he’s always felt lonely. Both of his parents work as professors for a university and he often had some else looking after him as a child. While his parents often don’t hang out with him, his nice guy attitude means he’s always had one friend to hang out with. In high school he found Yves and they quickly gelled together, he’s called her “the best friend I’ve ever had”. Since he was 12 Aaron has developed a reputation as something of a ladies man, having dated many girls from middle school and into high school where he dated most of the girls in his graduating class, but they were all quick flings that regularly lasted a few weeks. When he came out as bisexual in freshman year his family and friends all supported him and he dated few other boys too, but when he was 16 he did what he thought was unthinkable. After they got splashed by an 18 wheeler that drove into a mud puddle Aaron and his then girlfriend both showered in his house all alone, his parents where gone that weekend like they are most weekends. When she got out of the shower and they started watching TV, both only had towels on, something overcame them and they made out, one thing led to another and they started having sex in his parent’s bed. The next morning they woke up and only had vague memories of what had happened, after a particularly awkward breakfast both talked it out and agreed the most sensible thing to do was to get plan b. They got it and then she left before anyone knew they had spent the night together. Aaron expected the worst to happen next but to his surprise his relationship played out much like the rest his prior relationships had before and she never told anyone what had happened. By his next girlfriend something overcame Aaron and he slept with her too. It repeatedly happened with all his girlfriends, and boyfriends, and they all agreed that they wouldn’t say anything to protect their reputations. Aaron may be a tramp but he wasn’t tactless, he never had sex if they simply said no, like the afghan girl and the Mormon girl, has never dated more than one person simultaneously, and aside from his first time he always used protection. According to him the reason he’s never tried to date Yves is because she’s “basically my sister”. While he’s dated many people he still feels like that one special someone is out there waiting for him. He knows sex is something sacred and important which is why he doesn’t condone pornography or stripping. Aaron aspires to be a sexual psychologist, or just psychologist around his parents, as he believes he can help people with his interest. 

Yves discovered the race when she prepared to watch a YouTube video but couldn’t skip the add before it. She talked to Aaryn about auditioning and he said while “model behavior “was a lucky gig, the race was an even longer shot. She eventually wore him down and they sent their audition tape, when they got on the news they’d been accepted they were both scared and ecstatic, but they’ll give the race all they got and then some.

Both are 21.

Yves' description: 5’9, 135 lbs, traditional Philippine skin tone, black hair that goes past her shoulders, bangs, brown eyes, body like an average fashion model but with normal sized breasts, wears a red, white, yellow and blue top, dark blue shrug, navy blue skirt over blue and white shorts, boots just like Taylor’s. Voice by: Brenda Song.

Aaryn's description: 5’9, 150 lbs, Caucasian, build is like a typical model minus the abs, pretty brown hair, brown eyes, ginger colored Cuban shirt, polo shorts, a nice pair of Ralph Lauren’s. Voice by: Ian Sinclair

=== Nekota and Gabriella ===

Meet the gym rats; Nekota Freelance and Gabriella Ivanova

This couple likes it tough, well they should be right at home here.

Gabriella was raised in Washington D.C by a father originally from Georgia, the country not the state, and a Uruguayan mother. When she was little her mother traveled back home and political turmoil caused her to be unable to leave the country and have her visa revoked forcing her father to raise her by himself. Until she was 8 her father raised her like she was a boy and called her Gabriel. When she was 8 she rebelled against her father by growing pigtails and dressing/behaving as girly as possible, but she still had a soft spot for sports and eventually became something of a tomboy. Her father was proud of watching her compete in sports, consistently winning or coming in top. If you’re her friend she’ll do anything for you but if you cross her or get on her bad side, let’s just say there are species of wasp healthier for you. She manages to keep in contact with her mother via Skype, phone, snail mail and email. Her father sometimes needed help from his employees at the fitness center her oversaw to raise her, like when she first got her period or when she needed to get her first bra. When she was 16 she got to fly out to Albuquerque, New Mexico to compete in a rock climbing competition. When she was there she sparked a rivalry with one of the local competitors, a Navajo boy named Nekota. They both agreed to let their athleticism do the talking and eventually it came down to the two of them. At the end of the last race Gabriella won, but she was very impressed by the fight Nekota put up and they spent her last evening in town together. Before she left Nekota gave her his email and number and they spent any free time they had talking. When they graduated high school Nekota moved to D.C to move in with her family and they began to date. Both have aspirations to be Olympians and plan on making it to the gold together.

Nekota was raised by two Navajo Amerindians. Both of his parents came from the Navajo nation but came to Albuquerque to forge new lives, they both said the left because there was “nothing but drunken poverty in the future for me”, they actually met seeking employment and hit it off. Nekota was raised in a modern city but he’s still very informed and proud of his Navajo heritage, he speaks the language and is known to dance native dances. Since a young age Nekota has been the adventurous and outgoing type, he’d demand his parents either take him to a park, public or national, so he could run around. His parents found a way to satisfy his hunger by having join a wilderness explorers club where he was the most enthusiastic and proactive member. Sometime during middle school he became an athlete and started working out since then he’s become a model specimen of fitness. One of his favorite activities is to hike through the New Mexican desert, typically with only his Rhodesian Ridgeback Xander by his side. In high school he rose to the top of the athletics department and was their star athlete, regularly competing and winning local tournaments. The day he meet Gabriella, he expected it to be just another tournament he’d win but found a real competitor in this visiting athlete. They trashed talked a little but decided to settle it on the wall. When it came down to the two of them they both raced hard for the win, Nekota still thought he could win it but Gabriella took the gold. Thoroughly impressed he asked her to spend her last night in town with him and they had a great night on the town. When she had to leave he gave her his contact information, which completely took her by surprise. They chatted and became friends online but soon discovered that they’d be better as a couple. Though it took a bit of wheeling and dealing he convinced his parents to fly him out to D.C so he and Gabriella could be together, he’s lived with her and her family ever since but will visit his family every Thanksgiving and Christmas. They enjoy training together and hope that one day they’ll both be members of team U.S.A and standing on the victory podium, as a couple. Nekota is aware of how his girlfriend can sometimes fly off the handle but he’s always there to reel her in, thank goodness for that.

They discovered the race when they saw a flyer advertising it during one of their nightly runs. Both thought this race would be good training for the Olympics and a fun thing to do otherwise. They think they’ll go far and will make a lot of new friends and on the plus side they get to see the world. 

Both are 22.

Gabriella's description: 5’10, 160 lbs, White Latina, slightly wavy long copper hair, lightly tanned skin, brown eyes, body is quite fit and muscular for a woman, wears a mandarin top, black jacket, umber skirt over blue jeans, army boots. Voice by: Colleen Clinkenbeard. 

Nekota's description: 5’7, 175 lbs, Navajo Amerindian, typical Amerindian skin tone, quite muscular like a warrior but lacks abs, long black hair in a ponytail, brown eyes, black shirt with a wolf on it, blue jeans, and running shoes. Voice by: Johnny Yong Bosch


	2. None Down, 25 To Go! Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 25 teams begin their epic race around the world. Which starts with them partaking in challenges atop the tallest freestanding structure in the western hemisphere.

(The setting is Toronto. You can see the water, buildings, and the CN Tower of this vast Canadian city in the distance. The camera zooms to the train station where one man stands on top. This man is Don, the host of the show. He smiles at the camera.)

Don: This is Toronto, the capital of North America. Birthplace of funk, where the albino panther roams free. (A boat passes by with an albino panther on it. It roars as it passes by.) Beneath my manly sized thirteen rogues, twenty five teams are arriving at this historic train station to embark on an EPIC race around the world. I'm your host, Don, and this is...... THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (He smiles into the camera causing a flash into the camera, starting the intro)

(Intro begins)

(The camera shows a globe until a Ridonculous Race tip appears which then zooms in and changes to five columns, a Mountainous Background, a Snowy Background, a City Background, a Desert Background, and a Jungle Background)

Mountains: (The Shadows of Yves/Aaryn, Dani/Syd, Gabriella/Nekota, Tom/Jen and Jay/Mickey are seen running to the left in the Mountains Background)

Snow: (The Shadows Gerry/Pete, Leonard/Tammy, Chet/Lorenzo, Rock/Spud and June/Quince of are seen running to the right in the Snow Background)

City: (The Shadows of Laurie/Miles, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Geoff/Brody and Leo/Annie are seen running to the left in the City Background)

Desert: (The Shadows of Dwayne/Junior, MacArthur/Sanders, Crimson/Ennui, Stephanie/Ryan and Emma/Kitty are seen running to the right in the Desert Background)

Jungle: (The Shadows of Carrie/Devin, Mary/Ellody, Jacques/Josee, Kelly/Taylor and Owen/Noah are seen running to the left in the Jungle Background)

(The camera then goes back to the World Map where dots appear on certain countries and begin connecting to other countries.)

(Photos of Paris, the Mediterranean, Hawaii, Venice, Zimbabwe, Dubai, Australia, China, Tokyo, and New York are stacked on top of each other.) 

(The camera changes to three columns. One of a Train in a yellow background, one of a Plane in a blue background, and one of a Bus in a green background.)

(A Taxi then drives up and the camera zooms into a pitch black screen)

(An image of each pair appear with their team color background on the screen all together. There are 5 rows with 5 teams in each row.)

Top Row: Gabriella/Nekota, Ellody/Mary, Gerry/Pete, Carrie/Devin, and Kelly/Taylor

Top Middle Row: MacArthur/Sanders, Leonard/Tammy, Dani/Syd, Aaryn/Yves, and Rock/Spud

Middle Row: Sam/May, Fabian/Jordan, June/Quince, Geoff/Brody, and Tom/Jen

Bottom Middle Row: Dwayne/Junior, Jacques/Josee, Laurie/Miles, Annie/Leo, and Crimson/Ennui

Bottom Row: Jay/Mickey, Stephanie/Ryan, Owen/Noah, Chet/Lorenzo, and Emma/Kitty

(The screen then flashes to a Globe with the title "The Ridonculous Race" on it. A plane flies past "The Ridonculous Race" title and flips the "N" backwards.)

(Intro ends)

=== Train Station === (The camera cues to the front of the train station. Don is seen walking along the train station while people pass him.)

Don: Welcome to the Ridonculous Race. Right now, twenty five teams from across North America are readying themselves to embark on a race to the death! (Is told something on his earpiece) Not to the death? Okay. Let's meet the teams that aren't (winks) racing to the death.

=== Inside Train === (There is train heading to the train station as Don speaks carry some of the teams for the race. The camera goes to a guy and young lady sitting next to each other. The guy is reading a book while she looks at him lovingly.)

Don: (voice) Carrie and Devin, longtime best friends. (Carrie is blushing while looking at Devin read. He smiles back.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: I met Devin in the sandbox and we haven't been apart since. If anyone can win this race, it's us.  
\---> Devin: Yeah, I know Carrie so well. (Carrie looks lovingly at Devin) It's almost as if we're..... (Notices Carrie) What are you doing?  
\---> Carrie: (snaps back into attention) Huh? Oh just doing a lint check. For the camera. (Removes a piece of lint from his shirt and laughs nervously) Woo! Race!

(The camera zooms into a woman and a young lady sitting next to each other. The woman is applying lipstick to herself while the young lady is filing her nails)

Don: (voice) Kelly and Taylor, Mom and Daughter.

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: So A, I'm really hot obviously and B I'm pretty much the best at everything I do so unless my mom messes things up we're totally going to win this race.  
\---> Kelly: Taylor and her friends love when I hang with them. I'm known as the "cool mom". We're so tight. People always mistake us for sisters.  
\---> Taylor: (stops filing her nails) Wait, what?

(The camera turns to two Korean young ladies. One is taking pictures on her phone while the other one is putting stuff away in her luggage.)

Don: (voice) Emma and Kitty, actual sisters.

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: I'm studying international law so that's really going to give us an edge which is good cause we're here to win.  
\---> Kitty: And to see the world, meet hot guys, and have some fun.  
\---> Emma: If there's time for that, which there won't be, so let's focus on winning. Okay?

(Camera goes to a guy and a young lady. He looks outside the window while she sits rocking her feet back and forth)

Don: (voice) Leo and Annie, siblings 

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: My sister convinced me to try out for this thing and I humored her but now that we’re here we might as well win.   
\---> Annie: Yeah! And even if we don’t win, I still feel like we can still make some new friends and great memories.  
\---> Leo: Yeah, but winning is our top priority, and when we do we’ll take our grandparents on another trip around the world as compensation for their upcoming anniversary and for raising us all these years.  
\---> Annie: For grandma and grandpa!

(Camera focuses on a woman and a young man sitting next to each other.)

Don: (voice) Dani and Syd, Mother and Son

(Confessional)  
\----> Syd: My mom and I don’t really go on trips much, what with my focus on school and her focus as a realtor, so I thought this race might be good for us to get out and see the world.  
\----> Dani: Oh thank you Syd sweetie! This is so exciting. I’m ready to see the world and who knows? Maybe we’ll find you a boyfriend.  
\----> Syd: (embarrassed and laughing) Mom! 

(The camera then turns to a guy and a young lady. The guy is reading a book calmly. The young lady is sitting in a complicated yoga pose. She waves to the camera with her feet.)

Don: (voice) June and Quince, students from Julliard. 

(Confessional)  
\---> June: I’ve known Quince since we were 10. He’s been in the orchestra while I’ve been onstage as a dancer. I’m trained in Acro dance, jazz, Bharatanatyam, tap, flamenco, tango, rhythmic gymnastics, waltz, swing, and my favorite ballet! (Quince tries to speak but is interrupted) I maintained a 4.3 GPA in high school, graduated top of my class, was class valedictorian, and during our city’s performance of the nutcracker every Christmas I’m the sugarplum fairy. (Quince tries to speak but is once again interrupted) There’s nothing we can’t do, well nothing that I can’t do, so if we combine our talents and work together we can win this thing! (Looks over to Quince) oh I’m sorry did you want to say something?  
\---> Quince: No, no you’ve covered all the basics. Except for your tendency put yourself in charge, shut people out sometimes, interrupt others, and… (Tries to continue but June cuts him off)  
\---> June: I do not! (Realizes she was being hypocritical) Oh! Well I can...  
\---> Quince: (puts hand over her mouth) I can play nearly any instrument, I’ve got some scouting experience and my house is full of solved puzzle books. I have faith we can win this, but we need to do this together. You understand? (June nods in agreement)

(The camera turns to two goths sitting next to each other, one male and one female.)

Don: (voice) Crimson and Ennui, two exceptionally pale teens. (Crimson and Ennui do not move or speak. They just stare blankly into the camera.) Okay, that's just unnerving.

(The camera now turns to two very familiar people. One is a big guy with a big smile and the other is a scrawny West Indian guy with a pessimistic look.)

Don: (voice) Owen and Noah, seasoned reality TV participants.

Owen: Yeah! Wooo! (Raises his hand) come on don't leave me hanging! (Noah leaves him hanging)

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: Noah and I met on Total Drama and we've been on tons of reality shows since then. Like Meltdown Kitchen, Scare tractor, and Fashionista Flip-Flop.  
\---> Noah: Don't know how you got on that one.   
\---> Owen: (laughs) I'm just so psyched to be reunited with my little buddy. Come here! (Hugs Noah tight causing Noah to not be able to breathe.)   
\---> Noah: (barely breathing) Help.....me.... 

(The camera now points at two scrawny, meek teens sitting next to each other. They both look identical to one another. One adjusts his helmet while the other uses an inhaler.) 

Don: (voice) Mickey and Jay, identical twins who are used to overcoming adversity. (Many luggage bags fall on top of them.) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Mickey: We've both been through a lot, but we're not cursed. Whatever's right before cursed, that's us. (Laughs)  
\---> Jay: Like when I was six, I fell into a Burrowing Owl's nest and one of the baby owls flew into my ear. To this day, everything on this side sound like "Whoo-Whoo-Whoo".  
\---> Mickey: We're constantly fighting adversity and overcoming it.  
\---> Jay: (sighs) Sorry, we gotta switch sides. Everything sounds like "Whoo-Whoo-Whoo".

(The camera turns to two African Canadian teens looking outside the window. They seem to be very much in love with each other.)

Don: (voice) Stephanie and Ryan, the totally in love daters. (Stephanie and Ryan begin making out) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: Stephanie and I met at the gym two months and six days ago, and we've been going steady ever since.  
\---> Stephanie: We're so excited. Neither of us has ever traveled before. There's so much to discover like, what chocolate protein bars taste like in China.  
\---> Ryan: (gasps) I was just wondering that!  
\---> Stephanie: No way. (The begin to make out again)

=== Train Station Stop === (The trains carrying the pairs just seen stops at the train station Dom stands in front of. The teams from the train that haven't been seen exit the train now.)

(The doors of the train open and one pair leaps out of the trains. They are both wearing pink. They land on the ground to smile and wave to the camera.)

Don: (voice) Josee and Jacques, Ice Dancers.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: We know how to win. We've won gold everywhere.  
\---> Josee: Except the Olympics. He dropped me so we only got silver.   
\---> Jacques: (stands up and covers his eyes) GAH! I don't want to talk about it! (Runs away from the confessional)  
\---> Josee: (calls to him) Jacques! (Turns back to the camera) Silver is his least favorite color.

(Another pair exits the train. One looks very familiar and wears a cowboy hat while the other one wears clothes identical to his.)

Don: (voice) Geoff and Brody, lifelong friends and surfer dudes.

Geoff: (laughs) Going around the world on someone else's dime. Sweet! (Points to the camera) Hey Bridgette! Love ya babe!

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: My girl and I did Total Drama together but she's surfing her way across Australia so BOOM! Enter my bud Brody!  
\---> Brody: (they fist bump) Yeah guy! Bros forever! G and B for the W I N! Me and Geoff have known each other forever so we know how to work as a team!  
\---> Geoff: Wooo! We got this bro!!

(Camera then cuts to two people exiting the train. One is an Asian woman with long hair and the other is pale Caucasian male in punk clothing)

Don: (voice) May and Sam, anime nerds.

(Confessional)  
\---> May: I met Sam at my first con when I was still in High school. We bumped into each other while going to convention halls, I was Kagome from Inuyasha while he was one of the swimmers from Free! Iwatobi swim club. (Giggles) After he directed me to the hall I needed to be at I asked him for his Facebook address and email, we talked, we skyped I thought “OMG where have you been all my life?” and now we’ve been dating for 4 years. We also run a YouTube channel where we discuss any and all things animated.  
\---> Sam: May and I are the perfect team. She’s smart as hell and I’m crazy enough to try anything once.   
\---> May: It’s true. (pulls out Harvard acceptance letter) I got in! But didn’t go because it’s really not my type of school.  
\---> Sam: We’re both studying at the California institute of the arts. We want to be the next husband and wife animation power duo, like Craig McCracken and Lauren Faust. With her brains and my skills we got this in the bag!  
\---> May: Hell yeah we do! (Both high five)

(Camera pulls back from them to reveal two rather tall people exiting the train behind them. A young man and young lady, he stims nervously)

Don: (voice) Behind them are Sam’s twin sister Jordan and her friend Fabian, also fans of animation.

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: I’m Fabian Nicolas Carraway and I have autism.   
\---> Jordan: And I’m Jordan Baker Hill, aspiring film and animation critic.  
\---> Fabian: Me and May have been friends since preschool. I was kind of nervous when Sam came into our lives but he’s become my second best friend. And then 3 years ago while visiting his home in Ottawa I met his sister and I kind of fell for her. It took me a while but I asked if she wanted to hang out, then I took her on a practice date, then a real date, and now we’re dating for real!  
\---> Jordan: It’s been a wonderful 2 years. He may not be a romance novel lead but he tries harder to be a good person than my last 3 boyfriends did.  
\---> Fabian: When May told me about the race, I felt like she was going to do it with me but when she said she was going with Sam and said I should audition with Jordan I was like “you sure?” but we did it anyway and here we are.  
\---> Jordan: We may not be the best but to win this competition we just need keep our heads up, never give up or give in, and just keep putting one step in front of the other. I have faith in us but I need you to as well if we’re going to win this thing, you hear me?  
\---> Fabian: I hear you.  
\---> Jordan: Good, now let’s get sickening! (Yells and kicks the camera). Am I going to have to pay for that?

=== Outside Train Station === (We're back to where we first started. Don is standing by the starting line. The teams from the train arrive outside and see Don.)

Don: (signals to the teams) Right this way teams. Over here. (The teams go to the starting line.)

(The camera shows two people walking on the sidewalk. An older man smiles while the much younger person is visibly angry.)

Don: (voice) Also competing are Dwayne and Dwayne Jr., father and son.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (has his arms around Junior) I spend a lot of time at the old office so this race is a perfect chance for Junior and I to squeeze in a little father-son bonding time. (Laughs) Right buddy?  
\---> Junior: (rolls his eyes) Yeah, sure dad. Hey, are there any kids my age competing?   
\---> Dwayne: Oh, um...... 

(The camera shows two girls on a building. One is using a rope to climb down from the building while the other one crashes through the window. The both run towards everyone else.)

Don: (voice) Sanders and MacArthur, ambitious police cadets.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: We've been training at the academy for months. We're tough as nails and we'll go to the extreme to win this thing.   
\---> Sanders: Definitely. We can win this as long as we don't break any international laws.  
\---> MacArthur: I'm okay with breaking a few. (Sanders looks at her suspiciously) 

(The camera now shows two guys fighting on the ground. One is dark skinned and skinny while the other one is light skinned and hefty.)

Don: (voice) Lorenzo and Chet, new step-brothers.

(Confessional)  
\---> Lorenzo: My dad married his mom last year but we still hate each other. So they're making us do this. (Crosses arms) Jerks!  
\---> Chet: (gets in Lorenzo's face) Don't call my mom a jerk, jerk! (Pushes Lorenzo off-screen)  
\---> Lorenzo: (come back) Shut your word hole, jerk! (Pushes Chet off-screen. Chet come back and tackles Lorenzo off-screen)   
\---> Chet: (comes back with Lorenzo in a head lock) Give up!  
\---> Lorenzo: Never!

(The camera shows another team walking down the sidewalk heading towards the race. They are wearing fashionable clothes.)

Don: (voice) Also racing are Tom and Jen, highly attractive fashion bloggers with impeccable taste. (Sighs) I told you not to let the team write their own cards.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Hey, hey, hey. Shout out to all our blog followers out there. Wish us luck.  
\---> Tom: I bet Jen we could win the race but I didn't think she'd actually take me up on it.  
\---> Jen: Hey, I put my mind to something and it happens. (Snaps her fingers) 

(The camera shows two attractive people walking down the sidewalk, they are also wearing fashionable clothes. Both are walking with finesse, like they’re on a catwalk. One is a Filipina, the other is a Caucasian dude.)

Don: (voice) Yves and Aaryn, models who want to use the money to fund their post model careers. Are you sure they’re models, they’ve clearly though this out.

(Confessional)  
\---> Yves: Aaryn and I met in high school and we quickly became friends.   
\---> Aaryn: We then went into modeling together so we’ve done some traveling.   
\---> Yves: When I heard about the race I told Aaryn we had to audition, he was skeptical but I wore him down.  
\---> Aaryn: We may not seem like much besides eye candy but we both graduated top of our class. I’m also a psychology student while she does gymnastics and wants to be the next Collen Attwood.  
\---> Yves: This is going to be so much fun! Who knows we might even both find that special guy of our dreams.

(A new team enters the area. They do parkour on top of the cars, the awnings, and the pillars on the sidewalk while also swinging from trees. Both are very fit. One is a white Latina, the other is a Navajo young man.)

Don: (voice) Gabriella and Nekota, gym rats.

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: I first met Nekota at a rock climbing competition in his hometown of Albuquerque. We we’re rivals back then, but after I won the tournament and he was runner up, he invited me out for a night on the town and afterwards I gave him my number and email address.   
\---> Nekota: We started online dating till I moved to the D.C. area to live with her family and now we date and we train together.  
\---> Gabriella: We’re the strongest team here and one of the smartest. We’re going to win this then to go the Olympics and win there.  
\---> Nekota: Totally, I mean can any other team do this? (Gabriella performs a headstand on Nekota’s head)

(A new team enters the area. They are dressed like rock stars and are playing air guitar.)

Don: (voice) Rock and Spud, the aspiring rockers.

(Confessional)  
\---> Rock: We're best friends who love to rock out! Spud wasn't really sure about doing this because he's not super fit or good at much of anything.   
\---> Spud: Except rocking out! (Rock does air guitar sounds)  
\---> Rock: So I said you just rock bud, I'll carry you. (Rock and Spud do air guitar sounds again)

(On the street, two girls are stopping oncoming traffic in order to save a butterfly. People honk at them.)

Don: (voice) Laurie and Miles, granola-loving, hippie-dippie friends.

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: We want to win so we can donate to our favorite charities.  
\---> Miles: Save the Hunchback Walrus, Goat Milk Eco-Warriors, People for the Ethical treatment of Ants.  
\---> Laurie: So many great causes! We can save the world with this money.

(Two girls hop off a bus and head towards the rest of the teams. They both wear glasses.)

Don: (voice) Ellody and Mary, scientific geniuses who say they will use their winnings to support the science community.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: Astrophysics is underfunded. Reality shows offer monetary prizes.  
\---> Mary: Conundrum solved! We will use the money to make sure our studies in astrophysics can continue.

(A taxi stops and two teens exit. One looks familiar and wears a wizard's robe. The other one dresses like a Viking. They are both drinking sodas.)

Don: (voice) Leonard and Tammy, dedicated live-action role players. Whatever the hell that is.

(Confessional)  
\---> Leonard: Pahkitew Island was tough, but with Tammy's new spells HUZZAH! We'll claim the Dragon's Eye.   
\---> Tammy: That’s Dwarfish for one-million. (Plays the flute)

(Two older men walk on the sidewalk. They are dressed in tennis gear.)

Don: (voice) And our last team racing is Gerry and Pete, retired pro tennis players and friendly rivals.

(Confessional)   
\---> Gerry: We are both very competitive. We've been tennis rivals for years. But for half a million each? Game on! (They both laugh)  
\---> Pete: Maybe we'll get some new sponsorships. Anyone need a pitchman for Seniors Laxatives?  
\---> Both: (point to each other) Call his agent! (They laugh again)

=== Starting Line === (All the teams have finally arrived at the starting line for the race and surround Don as he begins to explain the race.)

Don: Welcome contestants! This is the starting line for your 34 part race around the world. Each part ends at a "chill zone". Get there fast because the last team to stand on the "Carpet of Completion" may be cut from the competition. (The contestants begin to frown and show worried faces upon hearing this news.) But the first team to reach our last chill zone will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS! (This news causes the contestant to cheer in excitement.) Look over here. (The contestants shift their attention to Don who now stands by a miniature replica of him with a red button on top.) This is our Ridonculous tip box, also known as "The Don Box". Press this button to get your tips that will lead you through the Ridonculous Race around the world. Ready teams? (All teams get ready to start) On your mark............ Get set.............. RACE! (The teams race toward him) Watch the face, and the hair! (They all trample over him) AUGHHHHHH!!!

(Teams begin to reach the first Don Box and pressing the button. A tip comes out from the mouth of the Don Box.)

Geoff: (read the tip) Race on foot to the CN Tower! (Him and Brody run)

Annie: And find the Don Box to find your next tip! (She and Leo run)

(Dwayne/Junior, Geoff/Brody, Leo/Annie, June/Quince, Yves/Aaryn and Josee/Jacques are running to the next Don Box)

Junior: Look! There's the next Don Box!

Jacques: And here comes the competition!

Dwayne: (turns around) Huh, where? (Hits a garbage can) Whoa! (The trash can then hits Josee and Jacques, covering them.) Oh, my bad!

Geoff: (him and Brody stop to check up on Josee and Jacques) Whoa! Are you guys alright? (Josee and Jacques lift the trash can off of them and keep on running) Whoa! Radical! (The trash can lands on the two)

Brody: Go! (They keep running with the trash can on)

=== CN Tower === (Some of the teams reach the CN Tower where the Don Box is located outside the tower.)

Dwayne: There's the Don Box! (Presses the button)

Junior: (reads the tip) It's an "either or".

Yves: (reads it) What's an "either or"? (Geoff and Brody crash into a wall) 

Don: An "either or" gives teams the choice of two challenges. They either climb one hundred forty-four flights of stairs to reach the world's tallest observation deck. That's just under a billion stairs. Or scares. Take the elevator and get the scare of a lifetime by doing a sky walk all the way around the outside of the tower. Not to worry though, they'll be wearing helmets. And as an extra precaution, we had a safety rail installed. (The rail falls halfway). Teams must finish either task and find this local guide for their next tip. 

=== CN Tower === (Half the groups have reached the Don Box and are reading the tip)

Sanders: (reads the tip) Climb one hundred forty-four flights of stairs? (Laughs) We'll do scares.

(Runs with MacArthur)

Tom: Scares.

Aaryn: Scares.

Chet: (Lorenzo and Chet fight for the tip) Scares! (Lets go, causing Lorenzo to fall) Called it.

Fabian: Stairs. (He and Jordan run)

(Confessional)   
\---> Fabian: I realize it’s the more exhausting of the two options, but if we take the elevator we have to go on a sky walk and I’m not comfortable with heights.  
\---> Jordan: That’s ok man. Sometimes winning means acknowledging your weaknesses. 

Mickey: Stairs.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jay: Mickey gets nose bleeds when he goes up too fast. Kinda makes it hard to go on airplanes or go up really tall towers. (Takes the tip from Mickey, causing him to get a paper cut.)  
\---> Mickey: GAHHH! Paper cut!

=== Elevator === (Dwayne and Junior arrive at the elevator first. Dani and Syd enter as well.)

Dani: Room for two more?

Dwayne: Of course. Come right in. We'll be there first. Alright! Way to go Junior! How about giving me a high (Junior dodges causing Dwayne to hit all the buttons. The four of them stare at all the buttons.) Five? 

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (has his arms around Junior) For a skinny tower, there sure are a lot of floors.  
\---> Junior: (facepalms)

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: That was a total Homer Simpson move right there.

(Geoff/Brody, Yves/Aaryn, Stephanie/Ryan, Lorenzo/Chet, Tom/Jen, Sanders/MacArthur, Josee/Jacques, June/Quince and Gabriella/Nekota arrive at the elevator and notice all the buttons have been pushed.)

Geoff: Hey, who pushed all the buttons?

Stephanie: This elevator could take forever and we don't have all day. 

MacArthur: Gotta take the stairs then. (All the contestants run to the stairs except Tom/Jen, Yves/Aaryn, Quince and Sanders)

Sanders: Or we can just wait for the elevator to come back.

MacArthur: (voice) Move it or lose it! (Sanders runs to the stairs)

June: (voice) You too Quince!

Quince: You can’t be serious that’s nearly a billion steps! (June goes back into the elevator and grabs him and drags him) AAHH!

Jen: Meh, this will probably be faster. 

Aaryn: Ditto man. (The elevator closes) 

Don: (voice) As half the competition commit to climbing the infinite amount of stairs, the other half chose scares but they are in for a long wait. 

(The camera shows inside the elevator where the models and the fashion bloggers are stopping on each floor)

Jen: It’s so nice to meet a follower of our blog in person.

Yves: Thanks! Me and Aaryn love your critiques on summer fashion.

Jen: It’s just so nice to meet people with good style, unlike him.

(They stop on a floor with a janitor with overalls.)

Tom: Overalls! Ewww! (The janitor notices and growls) Nasty!

Jen: I know right! Like, get with today. (Aaryn and Yves give silent “don’t say that” signals)

=== Observation Deck === (The elevator reaches the observation deck where a few civilians are watching the view. Tom and Jen exit with a mop and bucket on their heads. Aaryn and Yves follow close behind unscathed.)

Aaryn: We warned you not to mock him.

Tom: (takes off mop from his head while Jen takes off the bucket) Well, that happened. (Looks around) Huh, where is everyone?

Jen: I don't see any of the other teams. We're tied for first place! (Squeals)

Yves: Let's all strut to the winner circle in style! (They all casually walk as the local guide points them in the right direction)

Jen: We're so the teams to beat! (They walk outside)

=== Sky Walk === (They’ve have gone outside to find the Sky Walk. It is incredibly high, windy, and dangerous. The safety rail has fallen halfway. They all freak out.)

Jen: We have to walk out HERE?! (They gulp)

Don: (voice) Oh yes, you do. The Ridonculous Race will return! 

(Commercial break) 

=== Stairs === (The teams that chose stairs are climbing the large amount of stairs. Don's voice is heard to the viewers) 

Don: (voice) Those who abandoned the elevator are in for a painful climb, and frankly that's more fun to watch. (Snickers)

Jay: (he and Mickey take a break) On the upside, we're not in last place. (Fabian and Jordan pass them)

Mickey: On the downside, that probably won't be true for long. 

=== Bottom Floor === (The teams that chose elevator wait for it to return at the bottom. The teams converse among each other.)

Taylor: (looks at the other people) Ugh.... I can't believe we have to wait with these weirdos.

Kelly: Oh come on, honey. I'm sure most of these people are quite nice. (notices Crimson and Ennui staring creepily in her direction) Of course I could be wrong.

Owen: (is eating beans) Hey Noah, want some? (Offers to Noah)

Noah: I'll pass, big guy. 

Carrie: (she and Devin approach Emma and Kitty) Hi, we just wanted to introduce ourselves. I'm Carrie. This is my best friend, Devin.

Devin: Hi.

Kitty: (smiles) Nice to meet you. I'm Kitty and this is - (She is dragged away by Emma) Hey! What are you doing?! (Devin and Carrie shrug and walk away)

Emma: What did we talk about? No alliances. 

Annie: (to everyone) Hi, I just want you all to know that even if we are competing against each other I hope we all can come together and find common ground in the fact that we’re all after the same prize. So I wish everyone luck.

(Everyone just ignores her, Leo looks off to the side)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Annie’s always trying to make friends. Even with animals   
\---> Annie: Say what you want but I think the stray neighborhood cats and the birds at the park really enjoy my company. And making friends never hurt anyone. Who knows you might even find a girlfriend.  
\---> Leo: I need a girlfriend like America needs more seasons of “The Real Housewives”. 

Carrie: (To Devin) Well it’s nice to see some people share our enthusiasm. (Devin shakes his head in agreement) 

=== Stairs === (The camera now cuts to the teams that chose the stairs.)

Geoff: (he and Brody pass Jay and Mickey) Sweet form dudes!

Brody: Keep it up!

Mickey: They seem nice.

Jay: No alliances. We're soft meat, remember?

Mickey: (sighs) Really soft meat. (They keep running)

Sanders: (stops and leans on the railing) Thighs on fire. So queasy. (Nearly hurls)

MacArthur: (comes back to her and carries her on her shoulder) So you're one of those skinny-fat people who can’t climb ten flights of stairs without spewing chunks? What do you do, yoga? (Runs)

Sanders: Great.

Fabian: (panting) Now I’m glad you made me run so much in preparation for the race.

Jordan: Told ya it’d pay off. 

(The order of people running on the stairs are Josee/Jacques, MacArthur/Sanders, Gabriella/Nekota, June/Quince, Geoff/Brody, Stephanie/Ryan, Fabian/Jordan, Dwayne/Junior, Syd/Dani, Lorenzo/Chet, and Jay/Mickey.)

Don: (voice) As half of the teams continue to climb or wait..... and wait....... and wait some more, the fashion bloggers and the models are the first to reach the observation deck but the scare might be too much for them.

=== Observation Deck === (The models and the bloggers argue about doing the scare with the guide. They hug each other in fear.)

Aaryn: W-we can't go out there on the death walk! The wind will blow us away! (The guide rolls his eyes)

Tom: I’m fashionably svelte! I’m like a paper doll!

Yves: Come on guys I believe in us.

Aaryn: Well that makes one of us.

=== Bottom Floor === (The elevator has returned and is now available to the rest of the teams.)

Don: (voice) With the return of the elevator the competition is heating up. (Devin/Carrie, Annie/Leo, Emma/Kitty, Crimson/Ennui, May/Sam, Gerry/Pete, Laurie/Miles and Ellody/Mary enter the elevator and close it immediately)

Taylor: (groans) Rude!

Owen: (goes up to Leonard) Are you a real wizard?

Leonard: But of course! Observe. (Raises his hands) DISAPPEARACUS CONVINCICOUS! (Puts his arm over his face) Can't see me anymore can ya? (You can visibly see him)

Tammy: Leonard? Where did you go?

Owen: (he and Noah look at each other)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Man, does this show have a thing for weirdos or what?  
\---> Owen: Yeah.

=== Observation Deck === (We return to the models and bloggers, refusing to do the Sky Walk. The guide holds up a box with helmets.)

Tom: Helmets?! Are you crazy?! Now you want us to ruin our hair too? No, I did not sign up for that. (He and Jen cross their arms)

Jen: Plus, aubergine isn’t my color.

Tom: (to guide) It's not, trust us. 

Guide: I'm not getting paid for this? 

=== Stairs === (Now we check up on the teams that are taking the stairs.)

Junior: (sees his dad struggling) You okay dad?

Dwayne: Yeah I'm fine. Don't worry about your old man. I got this. (Pants and continues to struggle)

Geoff: (He and Brody run) Doing great bro! Our calves are going to be so toned after this!

Brody: Totally! We're going to look like Greek gods from the knees down!

Josee: (she and Jacques wave) Hello to all our fans! (Blows a kiss) We love you!

Gabriella: (she and Nekota are keeping pace with them) Great form.

Josee: Ignore the peanut gallery (She and Jacques continue to run) 

June: (pirouetting up the stairs) I think you’re doing great.

Nekota: Thanks. 

Quince: (lagging slightly behind) Wait up! I’m not a quick as you and you know that.

Sanders: (still being carried by MacArthur) Put me down, I can do this!

MacArthur: I beg to differ, chicken legs. (Continues)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: It's all in the glutes. I only use the stair machine at the gym. I'm basically 80 percent glutes at this point. They've taken over the rest of my muscles. See this? (Flexes arm) It's glutes. It's all glutes. (Sanders face palms)

(One hour later)

Don: (voice) After an hour of stair climbing, some of the contestants are really losing it.

Chet: (he and Lorenzo are panting and climbing slowly) If we come in last place, it's your fault doofus!

Lorenzo: Hurry up and climb faster, slowpoke!

Chet: Stop breathing on my back, sweatball! (Sighs)

Lorenzo: If I wasn't so tired, I wouldn’t be so nice to you loser! (They continue on)

Jay: (he and Mickey are drenched in sweat) Stay with me Mickey, eyes wide.

Mickey: (his eyes are wide open) It's okay mommy. I don't need a new elephant. (Laughs weirdly)

Jay: (deadpan) See this is why we don't go to any high towers.

Syd: They seem a bit in over their heads to do this, don’t you agree?

Dani: Not to seem judgmental but yes.

=== Observation Deck === (While Tom and Jen continue to argue with the guide, the elevator arrives with the 8 teams that exit and go to the guide) 

Devin: There's the sky walk!

Tom: (the rest of the teams try to get helmets but he stops them) Hold on! I need to make sure my helmet is disinfected before we do this. (The other teams glare at him)

=== Sky Walk === (Aaryn and Yves have reached outside) 

Aaryn: (looks down and freaks out) W-whoa! We're up pretty high! Do you think this is safe?!

Yves: Relax, This is a TV competition, it has to be safe. See, there's a railing right there. (A bird lands on the railing and it falls) Never mind, let’s just go. (Aaryn is scared still from what they just saw, he can’t move) Come on man! (Yves drags him along the sky walk, his feet make a scraping noise, kind of like when you have to move a refrigerator across the floor)

=== Bottom Floor === (The elevator has returned for the rest of the contestants doing the sky walk. Owen and Noah race to get in.)

Owen: Hey! Make way for two more! (Noah enters)

Taylor: Sorry. No room. (Presses a button to close the elevator but Owen gets between the doors before it closes.)

Owen: (hit by door) Ow! (Hit by door again) Ow! (Is finally to slide in and the elevator goes up)

Taylor: (while they go up they hear strange noises) What was that?

Kelly: This elevator sounds awful.

Noah: Yeah that’s not the elevator.

Owen: (farts secretly)

Rock: (smells) What is that?!

Owen: (everyone looks at him) What? It wasn't me. (Farts majorly) Okay, that was me. (Everyone begins coughing and gagging at Owen's farting)

Noah: (Literally doesn't care and is covered by a cloud of farts)

=== Sky Walk === (The ten teams doing the Sky Walk are all outside now. Yves drags Aaryn while they have the lead. Carrie and Devin are behind them. Annie/Leo and Emma/Kitty follow after them with Ellody/Mary, May/Sam, Gerry/Pete, Laurie/Miles and Tom/Jen behind them. Crimson and Ennui follow at the end.)

Devin: (he's holding onto Carrie) Not going to die. Not going to die.

Carrie: That's it. Just put one foot in front of the other. I'm so proud of you!

Devin: Couldn't do it without you pal! (Carrie smiles)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I have a huge fear of falling from high places. I’m so glad I have Carrie to help me here.  
\---> Carrie: (blushes badly) Oh stop it. You're doing awesome.

Emma: (looks around) Hey, where's Kitty? (Looks back) Kitty!

(Kitty is taking selfies at the corner of the tower and drags her away)

Kitty: Come on! Look at what we're doing! It's incredible! I feel so alive!

Emma: Yeah, I'll make sure they quote that on your gravestone. (Pulls her in to continue on.)

Jen: (she and Tom hold each other tight as they walk) Promise me you'll never let go!

Tom: Never! Can you believe people pay to do this? 

Sam: Now this is what it means to be a dragon!

May: This is better than any hair dryer I’ve used.

(Gerry and Pete are literally pushed back by the force of the wind)

Laurie: Don’t kill us mother earth, we’re doing this for you!

Annie: (Holds onto Leo) Woo-hoo! Isn’t this just fun?

Leo: Yeah. If you’re a migrating goose. (A flock of geese fly past them) 

(Suddenly, the last elevator has arrived and everyone in there exits coughing as the farts expels out into the room)

Don: (voice) The last elevator has arrived, but while those teams still have to take the dreaded sky walk teams that took the stairs are literally leaping into first place

Jacques: (he and Josee leap out from the stairs in front of the guide. They are drenched in sweat) First place! (Read the tip from the guide) Catch a flight with a zip, ride a line to your tip. Eh? Qu’est-ce que cela veut dire? (Gabriella and Nekota get the tip next)

Don: (voice) Teams must take a flimsy zip line over Lake Ontario to this island airport and snag their next tip along the way. The line was tested this morning by our intern Andrew. (A cap is seen floating alone in the water) Condolences again to his family.

Jacques: (he and Josee grab onto a rail and zip towards the tip with Gabriella and Nekota following behind them. Josee and Gabriella get the tip) Go Team Canada! YAYYYY!

Gabriella/Nekota: Team USA!

(Meanwhile, people on the sky walk are starting to finish)

Devin: (he and Carrie get inside) We made it!

(Gerry and Pete exit the skywalk)

Pete: Yes! (cracking noise) AAAHH! My artificial knee gave out! (Clutches it in pain on the floor)

MacArthur: (she and Sanders arrive and she drops her there) Okay, your turn to carry me.

Sanders: What?!

MacArthur: HA! I'm joking. You couldn't carry a loaf of bread. (The run and get on the zip line)

June: (arrives without Quince, she shouts to the stairs) Hurry up man.

Quince: (panting from far below) I’m coming, I’m climbing as fast as I can. 

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: Looks like a lot of teams are also dealing with some deadweight.  
\---> Sanders: Are you referring to me?! (MacArthur just continues to smile)

Carrie: (reads the tip along with the other teams) Zip line? I've always wanted to do that!

Sam: Same man, same!

Gerry: (worried) Zip line?! I've never wanted to do that! (The models exit the sky walk next, Yves just drops Aaryn on the floor exhausted from dragging him.)

Yves: (pants) Okay, let’s wait a few moments for me to catch my breath and for you to regain your composure. (Sits on a bench) 

=== Island Airfield === (The Ice Dancers and The gym rats have finally arrived to the next tip) 

Josee: (she and Jacques wave) Thank you! We love you! Merci! (They smile wide)

Don: (He looks confused) Who are you waving to? There's no one here.

Both: Our fans! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Our fans give us the love and energy to perform under extreme pressure. Without them, my partner Jacques would never be able to overcome his "many" faults.  
\---> Jacques: (raises an eyebrow) Umm, why do you say "many" like that?  
\---> Josee: You know why. (Keeps smiling)

Gabriella: (reads the tip) Book a seat on the next flight to Morocco.

Don: There are three flights to Morocco, each leaving thirty minutes apart. Teams on the first flight have a distinct advantage of arriving first. (Josee/Jacques and Nekota/Gabriella get their tickets and board the plane) Teams on the last flight should pray to whatever gods they believe in and hope for a miracle. (Laughs)

=== Observation Deck === (Teams are either doing the Sky Walk or arriving from the stair climb. They must now do the zip line as well.)

MacArthur: (to Sanders as the put their helmets on) I ride the zip, you get the tip, okay?

Sanders: Is that a suggestion or a threat?

MacArthur: Let's just go. (Grabs her and rides the zipline, Sanders get's the tip) Woo hoo! Nice job cadet! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Every reality show I've been on, I've lost. This time, I'm gonna win. No excuses. No distractions. I got my eyes on the cheddar!  
\---> Owen: And to taste the food! (Noah gives him a look) Winning! WOO! 

Devin: (Carrie grabs the tip as they zip) We did it! You are the best!

Carrie: Oh! (Blushes and giggles)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I had to do the race with Carrie. She's smart, fast, determined.  
\---> Carrie: (smiles) Aww.  
\---> Devin: And my girlfriend Shelley was busy.  
\---> Carrie: Right..... Shelley...

Gerry: (he and Pete fight to get the tip) I got it!

Pete: No I got it! (They both grab it and fall into the water)

Both: AUGHHHHHH!!!! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Pete: We may be the oldest team here but that doesn't mean we can't compete with these teenagers all the same. So what if they have more energy, more charisma, more blind optimism…. (Stops)  
\---> Gerry: This show was a bad idea, wasn't it?  
\---> Pete: Maybe.

Owen: (he and Noah are on the sky walk and Noah is being hit hard by the wind) You need to put on a few pounds.

Noah: (he starts floating away until Owen grabs him pulling both of them) AUGHHHH! (Owen hold onto the door) DO NOT LET GO!!!

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (he and Owens eyes are wide open and their hair is blown back) Maybe doing this show wasn't such a good idea.  
\---> Owen: Maybe...

Rock: (he and Spud are doing the sky walk) Dude, watch this! (He spits in the wind and the spit hits Spud)

Spud: Dude...

Rock: Hehe, sorry.

(Confessional)  
\---> Rock: The wind was howling like WHOOOSHHHHH!  
\---> Spud: And the spit hit my face like SPLATTTT!!!  
\---> Rock: And then there was a bird and it was all like CAWWWWW! CAWWWW!

Brody: (he and Geoff make it) Yeah! We did it! AUGHHHH! (Falls in pain) Leg cramp.

Geoff: Oh man! (Dwayne and Junior arrive and pass Geoff and Brody)

Stephanie: We made it baby!

Ryan: (sees Brody down) Whoa! Watch your step sweet cheeks. (Carries Stephanie)

Stephanie: I love it when you get all gentleman like. (Hugs his face)

Quince: (finally makes to the deck) Finally.

June: No time to rest, gotta zip! (Grabs his hand and takes him to the zipline, they repel) Grab it! (Quince grabs the tip) See, this isn’t so hard. 

Quince: For you maybe. 

Fabian: (he and Jordan exit the stairs next) Okay, maybe that wasn’t my best idea. (Pants heavily) gotta rest. (Sits on the floor) 

Jordan: (gets the tip) No time to rest, gotta zip. (Fabian gets up. They run into May and Sam) Hey guys.

Sam: Nice to see you survived your stair climb.

Fabian: Yeah, that wasn’t a good idea, next time we take the elevator.

May: Wanna hear how our skywalk went? 

Jordan: Later. (Grabs Fabian by the hand and both teams are ready to do the zip line) I’ll hold the line you grab the tip, got it? (Fabian nods) Let’s zip! (They ride it and Fabian grabs the tip) See man, you got it! 

Fabian: Huh, I guess I did. (Smiles)

(Behind them, May and Sam ride with Sam grabbing the tip and May holding the line)

May/Sam: Let’s live it up today! (They all land) 

(Owen/Noah, Crimson/Ennui, Ellody/Mary, Kelly/Taylor, Rock/Spud, Annie/Leo and Leonard/Tammy come from the sky walk. As Mary and Ellody leave they are covered in bugs)

Ellody: Well that was illuminating.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: (she and Mary clean their glasses) Judging by the splatter, the wind speed was 45 knots.  
\---> Mary: Another 20 and we’d be splattered. 

Brody: It hurts man! 

Geoff: Easy bro! Just keep breathing! (Lorenzo/Chet and Dani/Syd exit the stairs)

Syd: (reads tip) Ready to zip mom?

Dani: (helmet’s on) Ready! 

Don: (voice as most of the teams except The Surfer Dudes and The Adversity Twins do the zip line. It goes Mother/Son, Sisters, Siblings, Geniuses, Vegans, Father/Son, Daters, Models, Bloggers, Mother/Daughter, Goths, LARPers, Reality Pros and Step Brothers) As more teams reach the tarmac and get on flights one and two, the race to not come in last intensifies. (The tennis rivals pass him with a fish and a turtle biting onto their heads)

Geoff: Come on bro! (He carries Brody as they and the adversity twins head for the zip line)

=== Island Airport === (The final two teams reach the airport)

Geoff: (he reads the tip) We need to get on a flight to Morocco! Let's hustle! (He, Brody, Jay, and Mickey run towards the airport to book their flight)

Don: (voice) As the final teams reach the airport, the flights have been booked. Flight number one contains the Ice Dancers, The Gym Rats, The Best Friends, The Siblings, The Reality TV Pros, Father and Son, The Cadets, and The Sisters. Flight number two contains The Geniuses, The Animaniacs, The Anime Nerds, Mother and Daughter, The Models, The Fashion Bloggers, The Daters, and The Rockers. And on flight number three are The Vegans, The Step Brothers, Mother and Son, The LARPers, The Tennis Rivals, The Goths, The Julliard Students, The Surfer Dudes, and The Adversity Twins. Who will win this leg of the race? Find out next time here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 1st chapter is up and here's where everyone currently stands
> 
> First Flight:   
> Josee and Jacques   
> Carrie and Devin   
> Gabriella and Nekota  
> MacArthur and Sanders   
> Leo and Annie  
> Owen and Noah   
> Emma and Kitty  
> Dwayne and Junior 
> 
> Second Flight:  
> Ellody and Mary   
> Stephanie and Ryan   
> Kelly and Taylor   
> Tom and Jen   
> Aaryn and Yves  
> May and Sam  
> Fabian and Jordan  
> Rock and Spud 
> 
> Third Flight:  
> June and Quince  
> Crimson and Ennui  
> Laurie and Miles   
> Dani and Syd  
> Lorenzo and Chet   
> Gerry and Pete   
> Leonard and Tammy   
> Geoff and Brody   
> Jay and Mickey


	3. None Down, 25 To Go! Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The competition gets heated as the teams head to their first locale: Morocco. Who will go home first?

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, twenty-five teams started a race around the world. After a lot of running, waiting, even more running, confronting fear, and pushing themselves further than I thought possible, everyone reached the airport and booked themselves on three different flights to Morocco. Flight number one with eight teams aboard already departed. The next eight teams are on flight number two, which is about to take off. Meanwhile, the last nine teams are on flight number three which will not be departing for another thirty minutes. Will one of these teams suffer the ultimate reality show humiliation and get kicked off first? Time to find out! THIS IS THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles which flashes into the camera)

(Intro plays)

Don: (voice) Sixteen teams are already on their way to Morocco. Nine are still waiting at the airport for the next flight.

(The scene changes to the airport where the nine teams are waiting at the airport.)

Mickey: (holds up hand sanitizer) Sanitizer?

Jay: No need. (He holds his hand up showing he's wearing kitchen gloves) I made it a personal goal to not touch anything while we’re here.

Leonard: (he and Tammy appear out of nowhere startling them) Greeting and salutations gentlemen! What say you to an algamation of adversaries? A weaving of wizards and doppelgängers to rule them all! (They sit there confused)

Tammy: We want to form an alliance. (She throws confetti in their faces) 

Jay: (freaks out) AUGHHHH! I'm allergic to confetti! (Runs away)

Mickey: Jay! Your calamine lotion! (Runs after him)

Leonard: Guess that's a no from them. (They walk off)

Chet: (he's talking on the phone) Your plan won't work, mom! We're not going to become friends! Lorenzo's a poo-head, that's why! Can't you just divorce his dad?!

Lorenzo: (appears) Is that my dad?

Chet: No, it’s my mom!

Lorenzo: (steals the phone) DAD!! YOU GOTTA DIVORCE CHET’S MOMMMM!! (Chet tackles Lorenzo and they begin fighting on the ground)

(Laurie and Miles meditate)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: We may currently be in one of the last spots but we're not worried. Thinking on the negative side will only cause negative things to happen.   
\---> Miles: When you’re feeling down the only place you can look is up, we can only hope we can spread good vibrations to the rest of the competition, cause I think a lot of them really need it. 

(June is seen pacing around unhappily)

June: I can’t believe we’re on the last flight! This is inexcusable!

Quince: Well tickets for flight 2 sold out like hotcakes and besides we’re not out yet, remember the tale of the tortoise and the hare.

June: I’ll believe that when I see it, when we land in Morocco, we move like the wind, got it? (Quince nods) 

(Crimson and Ennui sit emotionless, then Leonard and Tammy approach them from behind)

Leonard: Salutations! We would like to propose an unstoppable unity of alchemy and alabaster to vanquish those who cross us!

Tammy: Do you accept our offer? (Throws confetti in the air)

Leonard: Surely you will not say nay? 

(Crimson and Ennui leave)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leonard: Hey Tammy, go easy on the confetti. We only have the one bag. (She throws more confetti) Anyway, Tammy and I met in the ninth grade and we were extremely close immediately.  
\---> Tammy: We were stuffed into the same locker together.  
\---> Leonard: And a friendship was formed as we calmly ate our lunches and waited for the janitor to locate the volt cutters.  
\---> Tammy: (sighs) Good times.

Don: (voice) Morocco, originally named Italy until it was discovered there already was an Italy. Home to scorchingly hot foods as well as scorchingly hot deserts. Flight number one has just landed while the other two flights are in the air.

(Flight number one has landed at the airport)

Don: (stands in front of the airport) The teams must find the Don Box to get their next tip. (Walks to the next tip far off as the teams arrive)

(Josee/Jacques, Gabriella/Nekota, Devin/Carrie, MacArthur/Sanders, Annie/Leo, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, and Dwayne/Junior arrive and get their tip from the Don Box)

Jacques: The Spice is Right?

Carrie: It's an All In!

(Don is now standing at a spice Kiosk with a Moroccan man)

Don: An All In requires both team members to compete in the challenge. In this case, teams must make their way here to Youseff's Spice Kiosk and pick out five spices from the bountiful array. Some are (Tries to touch the spices but Youseff stops him) OWW! (Youseff glares at him, he glares back at him and continues) Some are sweet but some are so blisteringly hot they'll turn your stomach into a volcano of pain! 

(Back to the airport with team teams from the first flight)

Emma: It says to pick out five spices from the kiosk. Ideally, Cumin...

Jacques: (continues) Cinnamon...

Sanders: (continues) Paprika...

Annie: (continues) Saffron...

Dwayne: (continues) and Ginger...

Owen: (continues) to continue to your next travel destination. (All the other teams rush for a taxi running over Owen and Noah) AUGHHHH!

Leo: Taxi! (He and Annie get in)

Josee: Taxi! (She and Jacques get inside)

MacArthur: Taxi! (She and Sanders get in as all the teams get in their taxis and take off)

Noah: (he and Noah weakly get up) T-taxi? (They enter one)

Owen: Thank you! (They take off)

Dwayne: (in the taxi with Junior) Hehe, see that? First into a taxi and heading down to spice town! (Hugs Junior) We're doing great pal! Yeah!

Junior: (rolls his eyes and sighs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: I'm Dwayne and this is Dwayne Jr.   
\---> Junior: They know that dad.  
\---> Dwayne: We're a father and son team.  
\---> Junior: They know that too, dad.  
\---> Dwayne: Well, we're going to win this thing. Bet they didn't know that huh? Newsflash! (Makes typewriting noises and brings his son closer to him) Father and son team win the million! And the crowd goes CRAZYYY!!!!!! (Raises his arms up) AHHHH! AHHHHH!  
\---> Junior: (groans) Dad...... Please stop.

Owen: (he and Noah are in the taxi) Even after Total Drama World Tour, I'm still kinda scared of flying. So, (he pulls out a teddy bear) His name is Beary. (Giggles) Get it?

Noah: (deadpan) Because he's a bear?

Owen: Yeah! (Chuckles) He keeps me calm when I fly. Noah doesn't like him but he like Noah. (Pushes Barry onto Noah's face and does a cutesy voice) Yes I do! (Continues to hit Noah's face with Beary)

Noah: (not even moving) Please, just stop...

(The camera shows us flight number two)

Don: (voice) Flight number two prepares for a tough heated battle on the ground.

Jen: I’d look so good in that. (She reads a magazine but stops when Tom keeps snoring and puts an oxygen mask on him to silence his snoring) There, better. (Continues to read)

Rock: (he and Spud sit while eating sandwiches) Spud and I have never been on a plane before. Not scared though. I've seen tons of movies with planes in them.

Spud: Oh yeah! I love that cartoon! (The plane suddenly experiences turbulence) WHAT IS GOIN ON?!

May: That’s just turbulence, it’s just an unsteady movement of the air. It’s perfectly natural to happen at this altitude, doesn’t mean we’re in any real danger.

Spud: Oh. Okay. (Goes back to eating) 

(May looks over her seat to talk to Fabian and Jordan)

May: Hey, you two want to form an alliance?

Fabian: I thought you said those are reality TV poison.

May: With others maybe but not with me.

Jordan: Among close friends makes sense but I still don’t know.

Sam: How about if the other team in the alliance wins, the losing team gets half of the prize?

Fabian: Good, but what if comes down to the two of us in the finals?

May: Well then at that point we make it a free for all, but until then we stick together. Capiche?

Fabian/Jordan/Sam: Sure

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: You still think this is a good choice? May’s just as determined to win this money as us.  
\---> Fabian: I know that but still, she’s smart and cunning. Come on, you know May well and she’s practically a sister to me. Well another sister, I already have 5. She wouldn’t do this for underhanded purposes, she’s our friend.   
\---> Jordan: Fine but we’ll only call on her when we need her help, I want to win this because we were the best, not because we freeloaded our way to the top, got it? (Fabian nods in agreement) 

Ryan: (to Stephanie) I'm so excited to go to Morocco with you! Our first trip together! 

Stephanie: I know! This trip will only strengthen our love for each other! (They begin to make out.) 

Yves (rolling her eyes): Yeah, that’s certainly not going to get annoying. (Reads magazine)

=== Youseef's Kiosk === (A Moroccan man is seen with a little kiosk off the side of the road. There are different types of bowls with spices in them. Some taxis have reached the kiosk.)

Don: (voice) Most of the teams from flight one have started to reach the spice kiosk.

(Josee/Jacques, Carrie/Devin, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, MacArthur/Sanders, Dwayne/Junior, Nekota/Gabriella and Leo/Annie arrive.)

MacArthur: Hey! These aren't labeled.

Gabriella: Wait! Yes there are. (There are labels but they’re in Moroccan) 

Noah: (sarcastically) Great. Does anyone here read Moroccan?

Annie: Can’t say I do. 

Carrie: (Looks around and points at one) Ooh! This one’s cinnamon! This one’s cinnamon! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: (imitating Carrie) Cinnamon! Cinnamon! Cinnamon!  
\---> Carrie: (playfully pushes him and they laugh) You totally would have missed it, homie.  
\---> Devin: We call each other homie. And as if I would have missed it.  
\---> Carrie: I'm the one who lives for cinnamon lattes.  
\---> Devin: Yeah, which you constantly spill on me.   
\---> Carrie: Fair enough, I'll never judge your ability to detect cinnamon again.

Leo (overlooking the spices): Ok do we have any strategy here? (Notices Annie already has all five spices) Wow that was quick, did you even check?

Annie: When would I ever screw up seasoning?

Leo: First time for everything. 

Annie: Leo just have faith and maybe one day (sing song) the things that you need most shall be bestowed upon you. 

Gabriella: You’re like something out of a hallmark card.

Annie: My guidance counselor said the same thing.

Kitty: (she and Emma already have four spices) I think this one’s Ginger.

Emma: (stops her) We're here for perfection, not guesses. (Thinks and points to one) We'll take that one. (Youseff scoops)

Kitty: So you can take a guess but I can't?

Emma: Mine was an educated guess.

Jacques: (he and Josee have chosen their spices) That's five! (They receive their bag of spices from Youseff with a tip attached)

Don: (voice) After selecting five spices, the teams will get their next travel tip from Youseff.

Jacques: It says we need to ride to a restaurant in the desert...

Devin: That doesn't seem that bad.

Jacques: (continues) On a camel!

(The camera shows a bunch of camels for the contestants. They are chewing, spitting, and filthy.)

Sanders: (reads and nearly hurls) That's disgusting.

(Josee/Jacques, Carrie/Devin, Annie/Leo, Gabriella/Nekota, MacArthur/Sanders, and Emma/Kitty run for the camels. Owen and Noah and Dwayne and Junior are still trying to pick.)

Sanders: (to Youseff) Is there a restaurant around here? (Gets in his face) A RESTAURANT! WE LOOKING FOR PLACE TO EAT... (Is moved away by MacArthur) WHOA!

MacArthur: Easy, Sanders. He's not deaf. He just speaks another language. (To Youseff) Sorry about that. (Youseff smiles until MacArthur gets in his face) I AM SORRY! APOLOGIZIO! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! (Sanders rolls her eyes and they head for the camels)

(The six teams in the lead are riding the camels in the desert. It is incredibly hot and they are all sweating and tired.)

Carrie: (Devin is leaning on top of Carrie where she covers his nose) Man, these camels stink.

MacArthur: (smells her armpits) Ughhh. (Looks around) S-she's right! I-It's the camels!

(The camera goes back to the airport where the teams from the second flight exit from the airport)

Don: (voice) As many of the teams from the first flight make it to the restaurant, teams from the second flight have just landed in Morocco.

(Tom/Jen, Stephanie/Ryan, Fabian/Jordan, Kelly/Taylor, Yves/Aaryn, May/Sam, & Ellody/Mary arrive at the Don Box and get their tip. They read the tip and all of them head to the taxis and drive off.)

Taylor: (running after the taxis) TAXI! Hurry up mom! 

Kelly: (running after her daughter) I'm coming Taylor! (They get in a taxi and head off)

(Inside the taxi carrying Ryan and Stephanie)

Stephanie: The plan is to let me analyze the spices. I eat them all the time at restaurants. 

Ryan: I love that you do that. 

Stephanie: And I love that you love that about me. (They start making out)

(The camera now shows the third flight which is in the air)

Don: (voice) Meanwhile, flight number three is already in the air and about to land soon.

(Brody and Geoff are shown throwing pretzels into Gerry and Pete who are asleep. Laurie and Miles meditate in their chairs while Leonard and Tammy practice spells. Crimson and Ennui sit emotionlessly. Lorenzo and Chet fight in their seats. Dani and Syd look at them confused. June does yoga while Quince reads, Jay and Mickey are sitting normally until luggage falls on top of them) 

(Back at Youseff's kiosk, Owen/Noah and Dwayne/Junior are still trying to pick.)

Owen: Ummmm..... I uhhhhhh.... hmmmmm......

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: Picking spices wasn't easy, but I didn't panic. (Crosses his arms confidently)

Owen: (freaks out) WHY DO YOU ALL LOOK THE SAME?! AUGHHHHH! (Runs away)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (sarcastically) Yeah, you were as cool as a cucumber. (Owen frowns)

(Dwayne also seems confused about which spices to pick)

Dwayne: Uhhh..

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: It’s not a man’s job to know spices, in the ancient times men we’re the hunters and women we’re the spice collectors. Yes those we’re the days when man had the power and… (Junior cuts him off)  
\---> Junior: You know mom is going to see this right? (Dwayne realizes what he said was true)  
\---> Dwayne: And things have changed for the better. 

(Fabian and Jordan arrive along with Aaryn and Yves and Tom and Jen. All 3 teams start picking spices)

Owen: Oh no! The other teams are here! We're going to lose our lead!

Noah: Let's do this quickly. (To Youseff) Just give us the five closest to you. (Youseff raises an eyebrow) Come on man! Snap to it! My teammate will eat anything. I once saw him chow down on half a shower curtain.

Owen (sheepishly): There were pictures of cupcakes on it 

Junior: Good thinking. Give us the 5 closets to you too. 

(Youseff gives them the bags and they all run to the camels. Other teams exit their taxis.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: We predicted there was an eating element in the next challenge.  
\---> Mary: So picking the right spices is of the upmost importance.

May/Ellody: (they point at the same spices while picking) Cumin, Cinnamon, Paprika, Saffron, and Ginger! (They turn to each other) 

Ellody: That was surprisingly elementary.

May: Likewise. May. (Offers handshake)

Ellody: Ellody: (shakes her hand)

Mary: Mary. (Shakes her hand)

Fabian: And I’m leaving. (He and Jordan have their spices)

Ellody: Hello Leaving. (Laughs a little) 

May: Right, bye. (Grabs the bag and she Sam and Fabian/Jordan run to the camels. Ellody and Mary do so as well.)

Yves: (Inhales deeply) Ok there’s cumin, give it to us. (Youseff gives scoops it and gives the models their last bag) Une grande partie oblige. Let's go! (They leave for the camels) 

(More teams reach the kiosk as flight number three lands where they receive their tips and head to the kiosk)

Don: (voice) As more teams reach Youseff's kiosk, flight number three has finally landed in Morocco. They'll need to hurry if they plan to catch up to the teams that are already looking for the restaurant.

(In the desert, Fabian/Jordan, Owen/Noah, Dwayne/Junior, Aaryn/Yves, Ellody/Mary, May/Sam, and Tom/Jen go through the desert)

Dwayne: (is making the camel go faster) Hiya! Hiya! Faster boy! Hiya! (The camel is foaming from the mouth)

Junior: Dad, I think the camel is going to pass out!

Dwayne: Not to worry son. Camels are tireless! (Slaps the camel until it finally passes out.) Oh great. We got a broken one. (Junior glares) 

Stephanie: (she's choosing) Hmmmm....... Wait this one’s cumin (Youssef goes to scoop it) yes, uh, no! (he stops) no wait, yes! (he goes to scoop it again) no! (he stops , looking confused) yes! Scoop it! (Youssef scoops it then hands it to her) Thank you. (She and Ryan get ready to leave)

Jay: (he and Mickey arrive where he sniffs a bowl) Is this cinnamon? (He begins sneezing like crazy) AHHHH!!

Mickey: (the two are covered in a cloud of spice) OH NO! (Begins coughing) HELP! (The two pass out)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jay: Apparently we can't breathe cinnamon.

(Leonard and Tammy arrive next)

Leonard: (to Youseff) Do accept dragon coins as payment? (Holds up a bunch of gold coins) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Leonard: We lost some time because the cab driver wouldn’t accept our dragon coins as payment.  
\---> Tammy: But he’ll rue that choice once our dragon ruler takes the thrown.  
\---> Leonard: Oh, he will so rue it. (Laughs mischievously) 

June (pointing): Cumin, ginger, cinnamon, paprika, saffron. 

Quince (with stop watch): 1.5 seconds, impressive. 

June: Was there ever any doubt? Let’s go! We have to make up for lost time! (Grabs him and they head to the camels)

(Laurie and Miles are walking with their camel instead of riding it)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: Our camel, Banefred, was beautiful and deserts are really hot. If we win the million, we're launching a stop riding camels campaign.  
\---> Miles: "Take Hikes, Not Humps!"  
\---> Laurie: Or we can call it something else.

=== Restaurant === (There is a small kiosk with a cook and a cooking station. There's a Don Box there too.)

Don: (voice) Things are heating up as the Cadets reach the restaurant first.

Sanders: There's the Don Box! (She hops off and gets the tip. MacArthur passes out and falls on the ground.)

MacArthur: (groans) I can't take this heat. Can someone turn off the sun?

Sanders: (reads the tip) It's a Botch or Watch. (MacArthur joins her as Josee/Jacques, Leo/Annie, and Carrie/Devin arrive as well)

Josee: Just Stew It?

MacArthur: A Botch or Watch? That's where one of us does the challenge right? 

Annie: (gives her bag of spices to the chef) Give your spices to the chef so he can stir them into a bowl of Moroccan stew which one of you must eat.

MacArthur: (groans) I hope we picked the right spices or this can get messy fast.

Carrie: (reads) When you finish your stew, run on foot to the chill zone fast because...

(The Chill Zone, where Don stands)

Don: (continues) The last team here will be eliminated from the competition.

MacArthur: (they receive their stews) You need to do it. I'm sweating more than a perp being questioned in a sauna.

Josee: (talking to a rabbits foot) Come on Bun-Bun, don't let me down.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: I'm not superstitious at all. I just believe that this rabbit's foot is the sole reason for everything good in my life.  
\---> Jacques: Can I touch it? (Reaches to touch it)  
\---> Josee: (laughs) Of course you can't! (Smacks his hand away)  
\---> Jacques: OWWWW!

Dwayne: (He pulls the camel slowly) Hehe, see buddy? We're getting there.

Junior: Uh dad? (Leonard/Tammy pass them)

Leonard: I don’t mean to overstep things but it’s a lot easier if you ride the camel. 

Dwayne: Well thank you for that insight! 

Tammy: You’re welcome.

Dwayne: Not to worry! We got this. (He pulls their camel slowly but surely)

Junior: (groans while Laurie and Miles pass with their camel) 

Miles: (sees Dwayne and Junior with their camel) See? I think our campaign is already starting to spread. (Sees Leonard and Tammy with their camel) Take Hikes, Not Humps! 

Laurie: You know what? That slogan is really starting to grow on me.

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: I met Miles at an anti-meat rally. When she suggested we call them “ings” instead of “meetings” I knew we we’re going to get along.

(More teams have now arrived at the restaurant and are beginning the stew contest)

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: (she stares at Devin and he slurps the stew) Oh Devin..... (Turns to the camera and blushes) Um t-that was ummm..... (Sighs lovingly) Okay I love him! I've loved him since we were four years old and he urinated in my turtle pool. (Pauses) I mean that's not why I love him but that's when it started. After all this time, what do I tell him? What if he doesn't feel the same way? He already has a girlfriend, (spitefully) Shelly! (Pauses) Who will see this on TV. (Face palms) God, what am I doing?

Devin: (finishes) Yeah! Finished! (Carrie hugs him)

Carrie: (laughs) Excellent! Let's go homie! (The run into the desert to find the Chill Zone)

Rock: (he and Spud reach the restaurant) Rock n Roll!

Gerry: (his and Pete’s camel comes in running then stop abruptly which and sends them flying into the sand) AUGHHHHHH!!!

Syd: Finally we’re here. (He and Dani get off their camel)

(The goths get off their camel calmly and stoically) 

Aaryn: (to Yves) It’s only fair that since you chose the spices, I should be the one to eat it. 

Yves: (smiles) Thanks man! (Gives their spices to the chef) Get ready cause this is gonna taste so good! 

Aaryn: I’ll take your word on it. 

Gabriella (determined look on her face): Give me that. (Takes the stew from Nekota and starts slurping)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: Its times like these were you need to go all in to win.  
\---> Nekota: That’s my girl, that’s what I like to hear!

(Jordan and Fabian look at their stew)

Jordan: You want to eat it or should I?

Fabian: I’m not particularly hungry right now.

Jordan: Ok, I’ll do it this time but you do the next one ok?

Fabian: Yes. (She starts eating) 

(Dwayne and Junior finally arrive at the restaurant with their camel, Dwayne collapses out of exhaustion while Junior goes to read the tip)

Junior: No time to rest dad you gotta eat some stew.

Dwayne: (Panting) Sure just give me a minute to catch my breath. 

(Annie prepares to eat the stew but is stopped by Leo)

Leo: Oh no, you’re not eating this.

Annie: Come on you know I can chow down.

Leo (takes the stew from her hands): Sorry, can’t risk you suffering a total spice meltdown. 

Annie: I’m fairly certain we picked the right spices.

Leo: Fairly certain isn’t gonna cut it, now just sit there while I tackle this.

Annie: Fine. (Sits dejected while Leo begins eating, Quince comes up to her)

Quince: Your partner making themselves the leader too?

Annie Yep.

Quince: Yeah, I know that feeling too. (June is eating her team’s stew)

(Sanders sips her stew carefully and slowly then wipes her mouth after each sip. MacArthur sees this and becomes impatient) 

MacArthur: What’s taking you so long?

Sanders: This is how civilized people eat.

MacArthur: This ain’t a tea party, it’s a race for a million dollars, chug faster! (Holds the bowl at a higher angle forcing her to chug) Freeze! I mean Done! (Holds it up, then notices her messy face);Here, let me get that for you princess. (Wipes her face with a napkin) There, good as new.

Jacques: (gasps as Josee eats the stew majestically and gracefully) A wonderful performance of grace and efficiency! (She finishes) Bravo!

Leo: Done. (Raises bowl)

Annie: Nice! Come on let’s go. (They leave along with the ice dancers and the cadets)

(Out in the desert the best friends are seen running)

Carrie: Do you know where we are?

Devin: Not exactly..... (The camera zooms out showing they are in the middle of the nowhere)

Carrie: We’re lost?!

(Back at the restaurant, everyone else has arrived. Crimson, Pete, Spud, Jay, Chet, Tom, Gabriella, Dwayne, Miles, Brody, Mary, Jordan, Sam, Kelly, Emma, Aaryn, June, Leonard, Syd, Ryan, and Owen are eating the stew.)

Dani: You doing okay sweetie?

Syd: Fine mom. (Goes back to drinking) 

Stephanie: (hugging Ryan as he chugs) C'mon baby! Show that stew who's boss!

Geoff: (Ellody watch as their partners chug) When I first met Brody, he was eating a cat's hairball on a dare. (Laughs) It was pure awesomeness.

Ellody: I met Mary at an engineering student’s potluck dinner. We both brought pie chart pie. (Chuckles) We're quite the whimsical duo.

Geoff: (laughs) Pies. Yum.

Fabian: (approaches them) I met May all the way back in Preschool. It’s a day I’ll never forget.

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: One warm day in September some of the other boys dared me to scare her by giving her a lizard in a box. I didn’t want to hurt May or the lizard but back then I was too much of spineless fool to stand up for myself.  
\---> May: So I’m sitting there reading “Tintin: Prisoners of the sun” and this guy approaches me saying “I got you a present”. I open the box and there’s a live lizard inside.  
\---> Fabian: They probably imagined she would freak-out but she loved it, then she hugged me, then I told her it was their idea and she went to go hug them and scared them all off.  
\---> May: Then the lizard wiggles free and its tail breaks off in my hand.  
\---> Fabian: Then I told her I saw something similar happen on a show called extreme animal countdown. So when it was time for us to go home I asked her mom if she could come to my house and watch it with me, and that day at 4 changed the course of both of our lives forever.   
\---> May: We watched our first TV show together: Extreme animal countdown “appendages”, then we watched the first episode of the show “speed freaks”, then I stayed for dinner and when my mom came to come pick me up I told her I wanted to come back again and again and again.  
\---> Fabian: That was the beginning of our friendship and besides middle school we’ve stuck by each other ever since.   
\---> May: I still have the tail from that day. (Pulls out necklace with the skeletal remains of the tail from her shirt) And I never take it off. 

Owen: (his face is red from the stew) HOT! HOT! (Pants a bit) I THINK YOU PICKED THE WRONG SPICES!!

Noah: Come on! I've seen you eat, you're as picky as a raccoon.

Emma: (slurping the stew) UGH!

Kitty: (cheers her on) Come on Emma! You can do it! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: We chose some of the wrong spices. It tasted kind of bitter.   
\---> Kitty: You chose all of them. (Emma glares at her) Which is good because I was just going to guess. (Laughs nervously)

Tom: (he's eating the stew while wearing a napkin on his neck) You sure I'm not getting my shirt messy?

Jen: (smiles) Positive!

May (pouring the stew down a funnel and into a tube which is in Sam’s mouth): You holding up ok? (Sam nods yes)

Gabriella: Done! (she and Nekota leave) Let’s run!

Lorenzo: (Chet is slurping but he still glares) Man you're so stupid! I hate the way you eat! (Chet spits some stew on Lorenzo) Hey! Focus on the challenge you dweeb! (Chet slurps again) I hate the way you slurp! (Chet still continues to slurp)

(Out in the desert the three teams are running until MacArthur notices Sanders clutching her stomach)

Sanders: (can't run anymore) Ugh.... can’t go on I think I got a stew cramp.

MacArthur: No man left behind.

Sanders: I'm a woman. (Is grabbed and carried by MacArthur) Whoa! 

(Further ahead the best friends are running until Carrie trips over a rock)

Devin: You okay homie?

Carrie: Yeah. (Tries to get up but can’t) Think I sprained my ankle though.

Devin: Here. (Carries her on his shoulders)

Carrie: Thanks!

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: You know it would be akward for most teams to be so close together, but me and Carrie? We’re so close it’s like whatever.  
\---> Carrie: (laughs briefly) Yeah, whatever! (Laughs again) Friends!

Owen: I NEED WATER!! (Rushes to a camel and starts drinking the saliva from its mouth)

Jordan (disgusted): I can’t eat and watch this!

(Fabian simply turns her away from the spectacle)

Jordan: Oh, that’s better. (resumes eating) 

Noah: (goes wide eyed when he sees what Owen is doing) OWEN! STOP THAT! YOU DONT KNOW WHERE THAT’S BEEN! (After he finishes, Owen and Noah run into the desert)

Chet: (sees this and nearly pukes) 

Lorenzo: (glares) Do not spit that out Chet or we'll lose! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Lorenzo: My dad is a motivational speaker and has taught me everything there is to know. It's all about being calm and rational.

Lorenzo: SWALLOW! DO IT!! DO ITTTTTTT!!

Chet: (complies and swallows his puke) Wow, my puke is less spicy than the stew. (They run to the Chill Zone after everyone heard that)

Crimson: (nearly hurls) 

Spud: (nearly hurls) 

Pete: (nearly hurls) 

Emma: (nearly hurls) 

Jay: (nearly hurls) 

Everyone: (everyone eating the stew nearly barfs)

Dwayne: Done! (Suddenly his eyes cross) Junior?

Junior: Yeah?

Dwayne: I can’t see!

Junior: What?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: How does stew make someone go blind?  
\---> Dwayne: (cross eyed) Relax, I’m sure it's only temporary. I'll be fine soon, but I need you to be my eyes and guide me  
\---> Junior (annoyed): fine.

Junior (grabbing his father’s hand): Come on let’s go!

(Out in the desert)

Sanders: (is being carried by MacArthur) Owwww my stomach is killing me!

MacArthur: Suck it up! We’re almost there. (The other 2 teams are behind them)

(Devin is still carrying Carrie on his shoulders till they see two palm trees and run right through them to the chill zone)

Don: Congratulations Best Friends! You have arrived first! (They both cheer) 

Devin: (laughs) We did it! (Looks at Carrie) Man… I wish I could call Shelly

Carrie: Yeah, Shelly...

Don: And for coming in first place you get an all-expenses paid meal at an authentic Moroccan restaurant.

Best Friends: Yum! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: First place was kind of a shock to us I mean… I knew we’d be great but-  
\---> Carrie: First Place?! In the first episode?! Wow!

(MacArthur sees the chill zone in her sights and looks behind her to see the ice dancers steadily catching up. She runs faster and then jumps and lands right in the center of the chill zone.) 

Don: Hey, who called the cops? (laughs) you’re team number two. (MacArthur cheers as she drops Sanders, Sanders gets up when Josee and Jacques show up) As Canadian ice skaters, you probably hear this a lot.

Josee: (gasps) Third place?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (she is seen off-screen throwing various objects in rage including knifes while Jacques cowers in fear) AUGHHHHHH!!!!

Don: (Leo and Annie arrive) And the Siblings take fourth.

Annie: Yay 4th place! (Claps)

Don: Well someone’s a glass half full type of person.

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: It’s still so surreal that we’re here on the show to begin with, and now we’re in 4th place! (Claps) Yay!   
\---> Leo: Yeah it’s great that we’re not the 1st team eliminated. But you know what’s even better than 4th place? 1st place, OK get that in your mindset cause I wanna win, a lot. 

(Back at the restaurant) 

Brody: Done! (He and Geoff run)

Jordan: Done! (She and Fabian run)

Aaryn: Done! (He and Yves run)

Sam: Done! (He and May run)

June: Done! (She and Quince run)

Syd: Done! (He and Dani run)

Ryan: Done! (He and Stephanie run)

Crimson: Done. (She and Ennui run along with Gerry/Pete & Ellody/Mary)

Taylor: My mom's done! (She runs with Kelly running slowly behind her with Emma/Kitty, Tom/Jen, Jay/Mickey, & Rock/Spud following)

(Father/son are still running through the desert and notice the other teams passing them so they run faster)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: I kind of don’t wanna be here but now that I am I certainly don’t wanna be the first one sent home. 

Don (voice): As more and more teams finish the restaurant challenge, the race for not last place heats up.

(Leonard/Tammy and Laurie/Miles are the only ones left but they quickly finish and leave)

Tammy: (Tosses confetti into the air) Level competed! 

Leonard: Onward to victory! 

Don: And here come some more teams! (Gabriella and Nekota Appear) Fifth! (Gerry and Pete appear) Sixth! (Owen and Noah appear) Seventh! (Ryan and Stephanie appear) Eighth! (Sam and May appear) Ninth! (Fabian and Jordan Appear) Tenth! (Geoff and Brody appear) Eleventh! (Jay and Mickey arrive) Twelfth! (Emma and Kitty appear) Thirteenth! 

Emma: (gasps) Thirteenth?! You’ve got to start doing more. 

Kitty: I’d love to do more. 

Emma: Not until I say so. (They move aside) 

Don: (June and Quince appear) Fourteenth! (Ellody and Mary appear) Fifteenth! (Tom and Jen arrive) Sixteenth! (Yves and Aaryn arrive) Seventeenth! ( Syd and Dani appear) Eighteenth! (Kelly and Taylor appear) Nineteenth! (Crimson and Ennui appear) Twentieth! (Lorenzo and Chet appear) Twenty First! (Rock and Spud show up) Twenty second! 

Don: (voice) This leaves the LARPers, the Vegans and Father/son desperately running for the last spot in the race! 

(Leonard and Tammy run to reach the Chill Zone but stop with a mischievous look on their faces)

(Confessional)  
\---> Tammy: They were catching up so fast.  
\---> Leonard: We were left with no choice. In order to maintain our lead we needed to use magic!

Tammy: (she and Leonard bring out a staff and flute) SONG OF SLUMBER! (Plays the flute)

Leonard: (wielding his staff) CHAOS BARRIER! (Lightning flashes around them)

(The other two teams LITERALLY pass Leonard and Tammy)

Leonard: (shakes staff) I think we may be experiencing a magical interference.

Tammy: Run! (They stop what they’re doing and continue running)

Don: The Vegans come in at Twenty Third (They cheer)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: We stuck to our principles and we didn’t lose.  
\---> Miles: I guess nice guys finish almost last. 

Don: And at Twenty Fourth is… Father and Son. (Junior let’s go of Dwayne’s hand and he continues running until he crashes into a tree) You weren’t going to stop your dad?

Junior: I just need some alone time.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (Still cross eyed) Twenty Fourth?! We can definitely do better than that. I got it, let’s stay up all night and discuss strategy.   
\---> Junior (sarcastically): Great

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: See we didn’t get eliminated. You were worried for nothing.   
\---> June: Well we still didn’t get 1st, next time we will place in the winner’s circle. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: Man the 1st challenge is over already? That was a cake walk. I wanna do more.  
\---> May: Me too, whatever the situation demands I know we’ll both rise to the occasion. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: (rubs feet) 1st challenge is over and my feet are already aching. This won’t be easy.  
\---> Jordan: Hey if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth $1 million, now rest tonight. Because tomorrow, things will probably be even crazier. 

Don: (Leonard and Tammy finally arrive) The Ridonculous Race is about skill. It's about determination. It's not about magic. You're done. Now Leave!

Tammy (throwing confetti into the air): Time reversal spell!

Don: Security! 

Leonard: Come on Tammy we know when we’re licked. (They walk off) 

=== Best of Leonard and Tammy === (We are shown flashbacks about Leonard and Tammy's time on the Ridonculous Race) 

Tammy: (voice) I definitely think we could have done better.

Leonard: (voice) I got to do a lot of things I never wanted to try so that's something.

Tammy: (voice) I'm glad we did this together. We’ll always have the memories!

Leonard: (voice) Totally! It was so magical! (They are seen walking through the desert with a camel as the sun sets) I still can't believe they're making us walk all the way home though. (He and Tammy walk through the desert together)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, surprise I eliminated Leonard and Tammy 1st, it's not like i had any other plans for them. One thing I accomplished this episode is laying down some of the character dynamics and plots that will run throughout the season. Another thing I included was more prizes for coming in 1st. I also think i helped lay out some more foundation for my oc's. 
> 
> Next episode: Paris, France
> 
> Rankings:  
> Devin & Carrie (1st Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (2nd Place)  
> Jacaques & Josee (3rd Place)  
> Leo & Annie (4th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (5th Place)  
> Gerry & Pete (6th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (7th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (8th Place)  
> Sam & May (9th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (10th Place)   
> Geoff & Brody (11th Place)  
> Jay & Mickey (12th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (13th Place)  
> June & Quince (14th Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (15th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (16th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (18th Place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (19th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (20th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (23rd Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (24th place)
> 
> Placements:  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th place)


	4. French is an Eiffel Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the city of lights tests the teams both artistically and olfactory.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race! Our teams went shopping for some spices and then rode camels through the Moroccan desert, they then built up a hardy appetite and I lost mine. (Gags) Seriously, these people are disgusting. The winners were Best friends, Devin and Carrie. Everyone else was a loser in my book but we could only eliminate one team. That DIShonor went to the wannabe wizards. But that was last time, and this is now aka THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles at the camera causing a glare in the camera as the intro starts)

(Intro plays)

=== Moroccan Chill Zone === (All the contestants wait in a line in order of their placing last episode in front of a Don Box. Devin and Carrie stand in the front where Don is also there.)

Don: Yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. The teams leave in the order of which they arrived yesterday. Starting today will be Devin and Carrie.

Devin: (Reads the tip) Looks like we're going to Paris.

(Carrie gasps)

(A slideshow of Paris is shown on the screen)

Don: Paris, France. Home of the Mona Lisa, tiny coffees, the Cathedral de Notre Dame and other things that annoy the hell out of me. (A mime is seen dancing) Once in Paris, teams must make their way to the Eiffel Tower to receive their next travel tip.

(All the teams have gotten their tips and are now riding the mopeds to the airport. Carrie/Devin are in the lead with Leo/Annie behind) 

Devin: (Carrie is holding on tight to him) H-hey can you loosen your grip, homie?

Carrie: (loosens a bit) I'm sorry. I'm just really excited for Paris. It's THE most romantic place in the world!

Devin: Yeah it is. (Carrie is love-struck) And I’m going to go back with Shelly if we win.

Carrie: Right...... Shelly.......

MacArthur: (she's driving with shades on while Sanders holds on and she makes siren noises) Police business! Coming through!

(They pass Devin/Carrie and Leo/Annie)

MacArthur: (she and Sanders high five) Yeah! We're in the lead! (Josee and Jacques pass smiling very hard) What the-?! Come on!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Being sports heroes we never know when the camera is on us so we have to smile all the time.  
\---> Jacques: ALL the time, even in our sleep.  
\---> Josee: And boy does it hurt. (They smile very wide)  
\---> Jacques: (still smiling) After a few months, the feeling in your face goes away.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: What's up with those Ice Dancers? Do they ever stop smiling? Do they sleep that way? Do they cry smiling? I'm going to find out! No matter what! (Growls in anger)  
\---> Sanders: (Laughs) She's a little fixated.  
\---> MacArthur: I JUST WANT TO KNOW! 

Taylor: (Kelly is driving while Taylor sits in the back) Come on mom! Doesn't this thing go any faster? 

(Jay and Mickey are riding until they crash into a billboard throwing Mickey off)

Mickey: Wait! (Runs to catch up to his brother) 

(Ennui drives as Crimson holds an umbrella over herself) 

Sam: (May is driving while he sits in the back) Préparez-vous à avoir envahi Paris!

Fabian: (Jordan is driving while he sits in the back) He seems happy.

Jordan: When isn’t he?

Jen: Come on! (She drives while Tom is carrying a giant rug that slows them down) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: If we knew that we were going to the fashion capital of the universe, we wouldn't have bought that Moroccan carpet.  
\---> Both: PARIS!!! (They both EEEE) 

Jen: Drop the rug Tom. It's slowing us down.

Tom: What?

Jen: Tom! We’re going to Paris a.k.a the place we’ve been dreaming about forever. 

Tom: (sighs) Fine. You’re free. (He throws the rug where it flies in the direction of Dwayne/Junior)

Junior: Watch out for that carpet dad! (The rug hits them and they crash. The gym rats and the models see this and just cringe) 

(Meanwhile, Laurie and Miles are pedaling their moped. Mother/son and the Julliard students zip by them)

(Confessional)  
\---> Miles: We walked our camel through the desert yesterday instead of riding him so he could stay hydrated.  
\---> Laurie: Today we're pedaling our moped so we won't waste the fuel. (Gasps) Imagine if there was a way we could give our moped to our camel, right?  
\---> Miles: Yeah, totally.

Chet: (he's driving the moped but Lorenzo is covering his eyes) Get your hands off my face!

Lorenzo: Get your face off my hands! (They continue on)

(Some teams have reached the airport by now) 

Josee: (she and Jacques pose for the clerk) Two tickets to Paris! Any flight upgrades for Olympians? (Jacques raises his eyebrows)

Clerk: (types on the computer) Ah yes! Free upgrades for all gold medalists people. 

Josee: (glares but maintains her smile) On 2nd thought economy will be fine. Thank you. 

(Other teams start running to the ticket counter, Gerry and Pete hear a honking noise behind them and turn around to see Geoff and Brody on their moped. They then drive their moped into a pile of suitcases and luggage)

(Confessional at the airport)  
\---> Brody: (He and Geoff are covered in laundry) I love mopeds. I tried to jump one over my pool last summer but winded up smashing into my neighbors gazebo. (They laugh)  
\---> Geoff: Dude, we shouldn’t laugh. We totally ruined that wedding. But still...  
\---> Both: Free cake! (They continue laughing and fist bump)

Jen: (she and Tom have their tickets when they run into Junior and Dwayne who have bruises and cuts) Oh my god, what happened to you guys?

Dwayne: The strangest thing. We were just minding our business when a giant carpet came out of nowhere!

Tom: (gulps) A carpet?

Dwayne: Yeah, it hit us like a brick wall! Could’ve killed us! 

Tom/Jen: (They begin to laugh nervously as they walk away from them)

(Dwayne/Junior, Syd/Dani, Rock/Spud, Chet/Lorenzo, Emma/Kitty, Kelly/Taylor, June/Quince, Laurie/Miles, Yves/Aaryn, Ellody/Mary, Jay/Mickey, Tom/Jen, and Crimson/Ennui wait for the next flight.)

Don: (voice) Thirteen teams wait anxiously at the airport for flight number two, which doesn't leave for another 30 minutes so we covered it with sad face stickers, which is hilarious. The other eleven teams are already in the air and Paris bound.

(Flight number one is seen landing in Paris)

Don: (voice) Flight number one has landed and the race for first place is on!

(A flight stewardess is about to open the door to the plane but the eleven teams from flight one slam the door on her)

Annie (stops): Sorry! (Helps her back up)

Leo: No time to apologize, come on! (Drags her)

Carrie: Taxi! (She and Devin enter one)

Gabriella: Taxi! (She and Nekota enter)

Owen: (he and Noah enter a taxi which leans to the left due to Owen's weight) Eiffel Tower please.

Gerry: (he and Pete enter one) To the Eiffel Tower my good man.

=== Eiffel Tower === (The first eleven teams have arrived at the Eiffel Tower and the taxis park up front. It's night time)

Josee: Gold Medal! Woo-hoo! (Large jolt) AAAAAHHH!

Jacques: What was that?! (They get out and notice someone crashed into their taxi) Who would do something like that?!

MacArthur: (exits proudly) Nailed it!

(The gym rats go the Don Box and press the button to get their tip) 

Nekota: (reads the tip) It's a Botch-or-Watch.

Don: (He's standing by the Eiffel Tower with a table next to him with sketch pads and pencils. There is a French man with him who is missing an ear.) In this Botch-or-Watch whoever didn't drink the stew in Morocco must draw a caricature of their partner. When this local French artist approves of the drawing, you'll receive your next travel tip.

(Other taxis arrive and people start on the first challenge)

(Carrie is drawing Devin who is posing casually)

(Jacques is drawing Josee who poses as if she's figure skating)

(Fabian is drawing Jordan who is posing like the Aphrodite of Cnidus)

(MacArthur draws Sanders, who poses as if she's shooting someone)

(May is drawing Sam who is posing like the Discobolus of Myron) 

(Nekota is drawing Gabriella who is doing the wonder woman pose)

(Geoff is drawing Brody who is flexing)

(Annie is drawing Leo as he sits on bench)

(Noah is drawing Owen who is eating)

(Stephanie is drawing Ryan who begins flexing his pecks while she stares lovingly at him) 

(As this happens, flight number two lands with the frowning stickers on them.) 

Don: (voice) This just in! Flight number two has just landed! 

(The thirteen teams from flight number two race to the taxis and they drive off to the Eiffel Tower)

Don: (voice) As teams from flight two are starting to reach the Eiffel Tower, teams from flight one strain to finish the first challenge.

(Geoff continues drawing Brody who is struggling to maintain his pose)

Geoff: Donesters. (Gives it to the artist, it is crudely drawn and shows Brody flexing)

Brody: Dude, you drew me awesome. (The artist approves and they get their tip, they high five)

Owen: (noticing this) aww. I think the way they support each other is beautiful, we should hug. 

Noah (deadpan): No.

Owen: Well maybe we could just high five?

Noah: Face forward! (A few new teams arrive and start the challenge) 

Geoff (reading the tip): Go down, down, down. Find the cheese so round, where your next tip is found. (They notice a rat that goes down into a manhole and they follow it, the police cadets arrive with their drawing)

Don: (flashes a flashlight into his face showing a cavern with many skulls and bones on the ground, in piles, or on the walls.) Welcome to the Catacombs, where ancient Parisians buried the victims of the plague! Teams must use their noses to find the exit and to receive their next tip hidden amongst these rolls of cheese. (A huge pile of cheese rolls are seen along the riverside) 

(As everyone is either drawing or going through the catacombs, one taxi gets a flat tire near shopping malls. It’s Tom and Jen in the taxi.)

Tom: A flat tire in the middle of boutique heaven during a midnight madness sale? Come on!

Jen: The universe wants us to go shopping, its fate.

Tom: Or the ultimate test of our wills.

Jen: Tom! No! We’re already behind. We can't get distracted and go shopping.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: If we come in last we’re going home.  
\---> Tom: And hello, the longer we are on the race the more we can promote our blog.  
\---> Together: Now Trending with Tom and Jen!

Tom: Of course it will take him a while to change that tire.

(They run out and start squeeing)

(Back at the tower Devin and Carrie present their drawing to the artist)

Devin: What do you mean no? She got an A in art last semester. (The artist shows them the drawing which depicts him shirtless and surrounded by hearts, cupids, and flowers) Oh! I see. Too realistic. (Leaves to pose again)

Carrie: (bashful) Yeah… Too realistic…

Kitty: (drawing Emma while she reads a book) So are you dating anyone new at university?

Emma: (looks up) Yeah his name’s international and comparative anti-trust law curriculum.

Kitty: (continues drawing) I’m thinking of getting a pixie cut.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: Emma’s always been the serious one and after her boyfriend Jake broke up with her 3 years ago. She's been really... (Is cut off by Emma)  
\---> Emma: Fine! I've been really fine! I don't need to talk about this and I especially do not need a boyfriend! I need a law degree and my sister to focus on the game.  
\---> Kitty: And a boyfriend! (Emma glares)

(More taxis arrive and teams spill out of them, Jay and Mickey approach the stand with the sketch boards, Mickey struggles to grab the pencil)

Jay: Come on Mickey, show that pencil who’s the boss. There’s two of us and just one of it.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jay: It was a Tuesday morning. Mickey’s pencil case broke, pencils where everywhere. He slipped on one and fell down the stairs landing on pencils the whole way down. He’s been afraid of them ever since.

(Noah and Owen present their drawing to the artist. It shows a cartoonish version of Owen about to eat the Eiffel Tower. Noah and the Artist laugh while Owen looks along confused, he gives them their tip and they head off)

Owen: Wait, I wanna see the picture.

(Inside the cab carrying Gerry and Pete, they are shown sleeping until Gerry wakes up, he looks outside the window and sees the Eiffel tower. He quickly wakes up Pete)

Pete: Finally! Couldn’t you have driven us here a little faster?

Cab Driver: We’ve been here a while, you two have just been asleep this whole time.

Gerry: What?! Why didn’t you just wake us up?!

Cab Driver: You two old men looked so cute, I didn’t want to disturb you. (They don’t like being called old or cute) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Gerry: We may be old but we have just as much energy as the other teams, from about 5 am to 4 pm.  
\---> Pete: After that we get a little groggy. (Laughs)  
\---> Gerry: Groggy? I haven't seen the moon since 2003. (They keep laughing)  
\---> Pete: Really? Cause I got a moon for you, right here! (Points to his butt. They laugh) 

Gerry: Let’s move it! (They run to challenge)

Lorenzo: It's a good thing I'm the one doing the drawing. I'm an awesome artist.

Chet: (rolls his eyes) Maybe. But is your artwork on the fridge back home? (Laughs at him)

Lorenzo: Whatever, you're just jealous of my artistic abilities. (Mary and Ellody notice this argument and look puzzled)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: Those two are... peculiar.  
\---> Mary: Peculiar? They’re constantly bickering for the most moronic reasons. I'd say they argue like Bull Moose, but that would be an insult to the entire deer family.  
\---> Ellody: (laughs) Excellent retort. 

(Jordan notices teams are everywhere and they haven’t left)

Jordan: Come on man it doesn’t need to be the next Mona Lisa. It just needs to be passable. (Fabian finishes and shows the drawing to the artist, it shows Jordan as a cyborg alien warrior princess having slain a huge beast in a post-apocalyptic landscape, the artist approves and gives them their tip) Come on let’s go!

Fabian: Wait what about May?

Jordan: She’s a big girl, she’ll catch up with us. (Fabian follows her and they head into the catacombs)

Fabian: Can we keep the drawings?

Jordan: If we don’t lose then yes.

(May presents her drawing to the artist, it’s a profile drawing of Sam like one might get for a tattoo, the artist is ready to approve but then May interrupts)

May: Wait there’s more! (She flips the pages showing she made multiple drawings of him in multiple styles) Cubist, Surrealist, Pop Art, Minimalist, Conceptual, Post Modern, Constructivist, Abstract, Expressionism, Abstract expressionism, Futurist, Dada, Pointillist, Impressionist, Art Nouveau, Art Deco, Fauvism …. (The artist stops her and just gives her the tip) 

Sam: Sweet, let’s go. (Both proceed into the catacombs) 

=== Catacombs === (Some of the teams have already entered the catacombs while the others draw. There are skulls everywhere.)

Ryan: (he and Stephanie are walking) Baby if you got the plague I would throw myself on top of your diseased ridden body so we can die at the same time, in the same way, and be put in the same coffin together.

Stephanie: That was the most adorable thing I've ever heard. (They begin making out)

(On the surface, Annie presents her drawing to the artist which is Leo done in the style of a Margaret Keane painting) 

Leo: I haven’t looked like that since I was 6. (The artist approves and gives them their tip)

Annie: (reads the tip and sings) Into the tombs without delay, I really hope we’ll find the way. Into the tombs who knows what may, be lurking underneath there. Into the tombs to find the tip and then get on the journeying. Into the tombs. Into the tombs. Into the tombs and out of the tombs. Into the tombs and out of the tombs and out before dawn. (Runs off)

Leo: (to the camera) We’ve got a thing for musicals. (Follows her)

Dani: (drawing her son) So Syd do you notice anyone you might like? 

Syd: Not really mom, let’s just stay focused on the challenge. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: My mom thinks I need a boyfriend to be happy.  
\---> Dani: It couldn’t hurt, you just need to give it a try.  
\---> Syd: No, relationships on a reality show never work. It’s like a Shakespeare romance, it’s doomed to fail. Besides I don’t think any of these guys are attracted to me in “that way”.

(Syd looks around and notices Aaryn posing like Adam in the creation of Adam. He looks smitten. Aaryn and Yves show their drawing to the artist and get their next travel tip)

Aaryn: Was it really necessary to draw me naked? 

Yves: Oh come on. We’ve seen each other naked before, it’s not weird.

Aaryn: I guess not. (They head to the catacombs) 

Ennui (drawing Crimson as she stands emotionlessly): Do you want to look alive in this?

Crimson: What do you think?

Ennui: Good point.

Taylor: (is drawing her mom) It's a good thing I'm the one that has to draw since I'm the best in my class and probably the whole academy. 

Kelly: (to the camera) I’m not bad, I actually went to art school for a while before I quit to have Taylor.

Taylor: OMG, mom it doesn’t always have to be about you.

(Tom and Jen come running in with shopping bags in their hands)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Getting that flat tire was the best thing that ever happened to us.  
\---> Tom: I have never shopped so fast in another language in my life.  
\---> Jen: So worth it though, I mean finding rock studded leather leggings in North America? Good luck  
\---> Tom: Truth.

(Carrie, Junior, and Jay all show their drawings to the artist. Carrie’s depicts Devin simply waving, Junior’s depicts a stick figure version of his father yapping, and Mickey’s is a scribbly drawing of Jay. All 3 of them get the ok and get their next travel tips)

Jay: I hope we don’t get the plague, again.

(Quince, Dani, and Nekota show the artist their drawings. Quince’s shows June looking like a Tim Burton character, Dani’s shows a younger version of herself holding a baby Syd, and Nekota’s shows Gabriella dressed like a super hero. They all get the approval and get their travel tips and go)

Nekota/Gabriella/June: First place here we come. (They realize all three of them said the same thing)

Gabriella/Nekota: Jynx! (They laugh) 

June: I have no times for games! (Grabs Quince by the wrist and all 4 head down into the catacombs)

(In the catacombs MacArthur and Sanders stop. MacArthur sniffs the air.)

Sanders: What are you doing?

MacArthur: (sniffs the air) I trained myself to be able to sniff things like a beagle. (Glares) Think you can bring oranges into the country anytime you want? Think again, Sister! (sniffs the air again) This one’s it, I’m going in! (Heads down a path, she screams and Sanders heads down the path to find her underneath a skeleton) GET IT OFF ME!

Don: (voice) As the Parisian catacombs extend a warm welcome to most of our teams, others are still drawing the first challenge to a close. (Laughs) Drawing, see what I did there?

(Tom and Jen show their drawing to the artist, it shows a more caricatured version of Tom. It gets the approval and they head down carrying their bags. The rockers show their drawing next, it shows Rock holding a guitar and shredding. It gets the approval and they head down. Kitty shows her drawing of a devilish, angry looking Emma. Emma glares while the artist gives them their tip. The Step-brothers show their drawing, which is a picture of Chet as a trash bag, The Goths show their drawing of a vampiric looking Crimson. Both get the approval. Taylor shows her drawing to the artist, it shows Kelly looking like the Bride of Frankenstein. It startles the artist but he approves of their drawing anyway)

Kelly: (takes the sketchpad) Mind if I show this to my surgeon?

(In the catacombs we see Noah and Owen running)

Owen: Here Cheese. (Whistles for it like a dog)

Noah: If we had any lead we’ve lost it by now. (Looks on the floor and notices a skull) Wait a minute I know that skull. Aw man we’re going in circles!

Owen: So is my stomach. (Burps) You see any restrooms signs?

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Owen hasn’t “gone” since he ate the Moroccan stew so we knew this was coming we just didn’t know when. (Owen is running around looking for a bathroom)

(Elsewhere Geoff and Brody are running until they hit a dead-end)

Brody: Aw man, that’s the 3rd dead-end we’ve hit.

Geoff: Chill bra. If we hit all the dead ends then the only path left will be the right one.

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: We’re both glass half full type of guys so I pour my glass into his and boom we’ve got a full glass.  
\---> Brody: Take that science.

(Elsewhere The Julliard students are following the gym rats)

June: Are you sure you're okay with us following you?

Nekota: Totally we’ll be out of here in no time.

Gabriella: We’ve gone spelunking many times before, this isn’t all that different.

Quince: Minus all the death. 

(Confessional)  
\---> June: Why would they help us? We're not working together as a quartet.  
\---> Quince: It's called good sportsmanship. Help is help, and we’ll gladly accept any handouts. 

(On the surface Gerry and Laurie show their drawings to the artist. Gerry’s shows Pete as a baby with a bonnet, diaper, binky, and rattle. Laurie’s shows Miles as a happy flower. The artist approves of both drawings and gives them their tips)

(Confessional)  
\---> Pete: I’ve got a plan. We follow the veg heads till we find the cheese, then rocket past them to the chill zone.  
\---> Gerry: Excellent! 

(In the catacombs we see Jay and Mickey running until they notice two glowing sets of eyes. They stop and scream, holding each other. The eyes are revealed to be Crimson and Ennui)

Mickey: You scared us (they release each other) It’s a little scary down here.

Ennui: Really? I’ve never been so happy. I like this place, it could be an amusement park or a camp for kids.

Crimson: I want this as wallpaper in my bedroom. It could really liven up the place. (Jay and Mickey run away scared)

(Elsewhere Aaryn and Yves are running with Yves leading the way) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Aaryn: I don’t have a sense of smell, blame it on second hand smoke exposure from my dad and a battle with pneumonia I had when I was 8. On the plus side when I nearly died in a school fire he was convinced to stop. So I let Yves handle this, just like the spice challenge.  
\---> Yves: I‘ve got a great sense of smell. I can easily tell a designer perfume from a knock off. That’s really gonna help us here.

Aaryn: Smell anything? 

Yves: (sniffs the air) Yeah, I think I’m getting somewhere. (sniffs the ground like a bloodhound) This way! (They head down a tunnel)

(Elsewhere MacArthur sniffs the air)

MacArthur: Roquefort, cave aged about (sniffs the air again) 3 years. (Listens) Do you hear running water?

(They run towards the light and end up outside where they are by a riverside and there are many large wheels of cheese along the side)

MacArthur: Hell yeah! You’re coming with me. (Someone coughs off-screen. The camera pulls back to reveal its Jacques and Josee) Oh, if it isn’t the smiling Silvertons.

Josee: I hate silver! (Simply walks past them and kicks some cheese out of the way to find a sign detailing the next challenge) Victory!

Jacques: (read the tip) Sail your cheese away to where the Mona Lisa is on display.

Sanders: The Louvre!

(The camera shifts to the Louvre where Don is standing on the Carpet of Completion.) 

Don: The Louvre. Home too many exotic and famous paintings I was told to stop touching. (Don attempts to touch one but a security guard slaps his hand away) OWW! Anyways, it's also today's Chill Zone. Last team here may be eliminated.

(Jacques and Josee land on their cheese effortlessly and start sailing away)

Josee: Bye! You stink worse than this cheese!

MacArthur: Well I’m not the one who forgot my oars. (Sanders holds them up)

Josee: (She says while smiling but obviously pissed off) Jacques, you we’re supposed to grab the oars! 

Jacques: Ah Merde! (Sanders and MacArthur row past them)

(In the catacombs we see the Tennis Rivals trailing behind the Vegans. The air is stale and foul)

Gerry: Boy if this what French cheese smells like then I’m officially Lactose intolerant.

Pete: I’m officially intolerant of you. (He and Pete laugh)

Miles: It appears to be coming from here.

(Laurie and Miles open a door. It’s revealed to be a bathroom that Owen is using, they all scream and the two teams run away. Above ground we see the stink caused by Owen blow a manhole cover skywards, the stink affects a nearby flock of pigeons, causing them to fly off then just as quickly fall to the ground.)

(The animaniacs and the anime nerds are seen searching the catacombs)

Jordan: May are you sure you know where you’re going?

May: Of course! As preparation for the competition I studied the underground and city maps of all the world’s major cities. I’ll get us out of here in no time.

Jordan: You said that 15 minutes ago.

Fabian: Oh have a little faith.

Sam: This would be a great place to hide a body. (To the camera) If one needed to, I’m just saying.

(Elsewhere Tom and Jen are seen walking through the catacombs with their bags)

Tom: This place is like so creepy. I feel like I’m being watched.

Jen: Hey Tom. (Camera pans to show she’s playing with a skeleton like a marionette) I’ve got a bone to pick with you. (They laugh until they hear some primal growling and look to see a menacing shadow heading towards them. They scream and run away in terror but Tom drops one of the bags and goes back to grab it, screaming all the way. The shadow is then revealed to be that of a rat who laughs at their misfortune)

(Elsewhere Leo and Annie are seen running through the Catacombs)

Leo: Man we’re not making any progress. What if we’ve already lost?

Annie: Leo don’t worry I’m sure we’ll find our way out soon. (Notices a rat on the floor, bends down to talk to it) Pardon me Mr. Rat but could you guide us to the exit?

Leo: Annie that rat isn’t going to understand you, this isn’t some flash animated Canadian cartoon. (The rat goes in one direction and Annie follows it. Leo follows close behind) We’re not seriously gonna follow that thing? 

Annie: Why not? He lives down here, he knows the catacombs better than us. 

Leo: I can’t believe I’m doing this.

(Meanwhile more teams like the Best friends, Father/Son, the Julliard students, the Daters, and the gym rats have arrived at the cheese and are rowing away to the Louvre. Further up ahead the Cadets are still in the lead but they look behind themselves and see that the Ice Dancers are paddle kicking their way to victory.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Missing paddles? HA! That won't stop us!  
\---> Josee: We've competed in way more dire emergencies. Jacques once got bit by a rabid squirrel but that didn't stop us.  
\---> Jacques: I skated dressed as a St. Bernard so the foam coming out of my mouth made sense.  
\---> Josee: Adapting! It's what winners do!

(They pass the cadets still smiling)

MacArthur: Those two get creepier by the minute

Ryan: (Stephanie is paddling while he is ready to paddle) Time to put this cheese into overdrive! (Throws the paddle in the air but doesn't catch it causing it to float away) Oops. Babe, pass me your oar! I'll double time it! (She throws her paddle to him but he misses again causing to float away again. Stephanie glares at him as he puts his head down in shame.) Awww man.

Stephanie: Just use your hands. (They continue to paddle with their hands)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: (Stephanie looks pissed) I'm sorry baby, I promise I'll make it up.  
\---> Stephanie: (smiles) It's okay sugarbumpkin. Just make sure it NEVER happens again. (Crosses her arms) 

(Elsewhere the siblings are still following that rat. Annie runs ahead of Leo)

Leo: Annie wait! I don’t want to lose you (he runs up a set of stairs) down… here… (He and Annie have reached the cheese) Well that worked out better than expected.

Annie: Come on! (She hands him a panel and then tosses the cheese into the Seine and hops on it. Leo follows quickly behind) That $1 million isn’t going to win itself! (They start paddling)

(The animaniacs and the anime nerds reach the surface and the cheese soon after)

May: Ha! Told you I’d get us out of there.

Jordan: (reading the tip) Well come on! We gotta start paddling to the Louvre. (She and Fabian hop on the cheese and start paddling. Sam and May follow shortly behind)

Fabian: Don’t worry I’ll keep the drawings dry. (Puts the sketchpads underneath his chin)

Sam: You do that.

Don: (voice) Most of the teams have reached the water. But for those still in the catacombs the big challenge is to not come in last. (The vegans and tennis rivals are still seen searching) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Pete: We’ve made a terrible mistake.  
\---> Gerry: I thought veggie heads would be able to sniff out dairy in a snap.  
\---> Pete: Go home now and we’d be lucky to land a sponsor ship deal for tube socks. I hate them! You never can figure out where to put your heel.  
\---> Gerry: Well there goes the tube sock sponsorship. 

(Noah and Owen make it up ground and find the cheese)

Owen: (bear hugs Noah) WOOHOO!

Noah: (can't breathe) H-help me.... 

Owen: Oh sorry. (Sets Noah down)

Noah: (reads the tip as Owen grabs the cheese) Okay, it says here to paddle the cheese to the Louvre. I'll grab the oars and you place the cheese in the- (turns around to see Owen has taken a bite out of the cheese) Why am I not surprised?

Owen: What? It's delicious. (Tries to eat more but Noah smacks him) Oww!

(We see Jay and Mickey rowing their way down the Seine)

Jay: We seem pretty far behind.

Mickey: Don’t worry, we may be behind but no other teams have passed us. (The siblings, animaniacs, and anime nerds all pass them) Okay, maybe worry now. (They paddle harder)

Jay: If there’s a brightside to all this at least our lactose intolerance hasn’t kicked in. (Both he and Mickey sneeze) Never mind. 

(Up ahead Josee and Jacques are still in the lead)

Josee: The Louvre! Over there! (The camera pans to show the Louvre, they get to the lower part of the street and stop to smile & wave to the camera, as they do this the cadets pass them and start rolling their cheese up the stairs and the Ice Dancers follow behind determined. They race until the cadets make it to the chill zone first)

Don: Congratulations cadets, you take 1st place. Ice Dancers take silver.

MacArthur: (dancing) What don’t hear victory music? Oh yeah, that’s because you didn’t win.

(Josee glares)

Don: And for coming in 1st you get a $5000 shopping spree in Paris.

Sanders: Oh lovely!

MacArthur: Meh.

Don: You both also get your choice of either a custom designed dress or suit. 

MacArthur: I’ll take the suit. 

(We check on the teams still paddling to the Louvre. We see that Owen is eating his and Noah’s raft) 

Noah: Dude! Knock it off! You’re eating our raft!

Owen: Ok, I’ll stop. (Take a bite) Last one (takes another bite) Ok, last one for real.

(The sisters, the Goths, the step brothers, Mom/Daughter, the geniuses and mother/son start paddling quickly to make up for lost time. They all pass the adversity twins who are doing their best but it’s still not enough. Noah is now seen paddling Owen down the Seine. Back at the cheese the Fashion bloggers are getting ready to depart. Jen is tossing the bags to Tom as he balances them. The models then arrive and notice them in distress)

Aaryn: Hey you need help?

Yves: We’d be happy to take half of those off your back. (Jen ponders for a moment then responds)

Jen: Okay. But guard these with your lives, GOT IT?!

Both: Got it! (They take their half of the bags and then hop on their cheese. Yves is paddling while Aaryn holds them precariously)

(Confessional)  
\---> Yves: I’m an expert at keeping things balanced. I’m a gymnast. But are you sure you can hold them all?  
\---> Aaryn: Anything for a friend in need.

Tom: You sure you want to leave half of our clothes with them?

Jen: Don’t worry, anyone that dresses that good is trustworthy.

Tom: (he's holding up their half of the bags on the cheese) Okay then, I got all these bags and they're secure. But I’m thinking you’re gonna have to swim.

Jen: (determined) I'll do it. For the good name of fashion!

Tom: (gasps loudly) WHAT?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Tom: This is HUGE! Jen doesn't let her hair get wet unless she's showering or her beautician is doing it. 

(Jen jumps into the water)

Tom: Are you okay?

Jen: (pops up) Yeah, let's just get this over with. (She notices a frog on her head and she screams, she then grabs the back of the cheese and begins kicking it to the Louvre)

(Back at the Louvre Geoff and Brody arrive)

Don: 3rd place.

(They chest bump)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody/Geoff: (high 5)  
\---> Geoff: Progress! 

Don (voice): (Best Friends arrive) 4th! (Dwayne and Junior arrive) 5th! (The gym rats arrive) 6th! (The Julliard students arrive) 7th! 

Nekota: Nice job everyone.

Quince: See we’re catching up.

June: I’ll really be impressed once we win a leg. (To Gabriella and Nekota) But thank you for your help anyways.

Gabriella: No prob bob, just call if you ever need help and maybe we could all form an alliance.

June: Why don’t you toss me in the Seine now and save yourself the trouble of eliminating me? (Walks off) 

Quince: We'll consider it and get back to you on that. (Walks off with her) 

(The last 3 teams reach the exit and read the tip. The Vegans hop on their cheese along with the rockers and then the Tennis rivals. The rivals take time to mock their competitors before paddling off)

Miles: How rude!

Spud: I thought old people were supposed to be nice.

Rock: Start paddling man. (He gives spud an oar and they start to paddle. The Vegans follow close behind)

(Confessional)  
\---> Pete: The thing is, age is all in your head.  
\---> Gerry: And in your joints.  
\---> Pete: And it also has to do with the year you were born. (They both laugh)

Don: And here come some more teams! (The Daters arrive) 8th! (The Siblings arrive) 9th! (The Anime Nerds arrive) 10th! (The Animaniacs arrive) 11th! (The Sisters arrive) 12th! 

Don: (Owen and Noah show up) Here comes Noah and his ark! Twenty minute penalty! (A big red 20:00 is shown above them and starts counting down)

Owen: W-what?! Why?

Don: You were supposed to paddle your cheese roll to the Louvre, not eat it then paddle.

Owen: But I’ve eaten so much I practically am cheese!

Don: Yes you are, now sit and hope you’re penalty doesn’t get you eliminated. 

(Owen frowns)

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: I'm gonna feel so bad if my love of cheese gets us eliminated. And guess what's worse? I could really go for some cheese right now! (Cries a bit) I have no self-control! I’m like a dog!  
\---> Noah: (grabs a newspaper and hits him) Bad partner! Bad! Bad! (Owen whimpers and Noah rolls his eyes) 

Don (voice): With one team waiting for their penalty to end the 4 teams in last place battle to reach the chill zone first. (Laurie and Miles have determined looks on their faces)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: The thought of coming in last place made us realize that we needed to step up our game.  
\---> Miles: Yeah. We were super charged up.

(They row past the Tennis rivals as do the rockers)

Gerry: What the hell? We're the athletes here! All those vegans eat is bird seed and sunlight!

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: (she and Miles are eating bird seeds) Pass the bird seeds. (Miles does so and Laurie chews on more bird seeds)

Jay: (Both of them are a little stuffy) Come on! We can do this! (The rockers and Vegans pass them) Hurry! (They row as fast as they can, which isn’t much) 

Don (voice): (The Geniuses arrive) 13th! (Mother/Son arrive) 14th! (Mother/Daughter arrive) 15th! (The Models arrive) 16th! (The Fashion bloggers arrive) 17th! (The Goths arrive) 18th! (The Step-brothers arrive) 19th! 

(Owen starts sweating nervously while Noah paces around impatiently. The vegans and the rockers come in rolling their cheese quickly)

Don: Vegans take 20th and Rockers take 21st. Only two spots left, who’s gonna make it?

(The clock above Noah/Owen reads 3:00)

Owen: Oh man this is torture!

(The Tennis rivals and the Adversity twins are still paddling to the chill zone. The clock Reads 2:30)

Owen: Here come the last two teams! 

(The Tennis rivals are struggling to carry their cheese up the steps while the Twins can’t seem to pass them, the Tennis rivals loose grip of their cheese and it rolls over the adversity twins, everyone who saw this cringes. The clock reads 1:30. Owen continues to sweat. The Tennis rivals and the Twins start to roll their cheese towards the Louvre, but neither are very fast.) 

Noah: Come on! How much longer?! (The clock hits zero and a buzzer is heard) 

Don: Reality tv pros, you’re time is up! (Owen and Noah dive into the carpet) 22nd! And…

(The Tennis rivals and the Adversity twins are neck and neck, each pulling slightly ahead of each other until…..)

Don: Tennis Rivals take 23rd! (Both Gerry and Pete breathe a sigh of relief) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Pete: That was way to close!  
\---> Gerry: My single bypass surgery was close, this was almost lethal.  
\---> Pete: Well we’re still in the race. That’s gotta count for something.  
\---> Gerry: 23rd place counts about as good as my retirement balance (They laugh)

Don: Adversity twins I’m sorry but you’ve been eliminated. (Jay and Mickey look downtrodden) But if it’s any consolation most of the crew thought you two would be the first to go, so you made it farther than we all expected and that’s something to be proud of. (They perk up and leave)

=== Best of Jay and Mickey === (A slideshow of Jay and Mickey's best moments from the Ridonculous Race are shown as they leave the competition. Jay and Mickey voice over as they leave the competition.)

Jay: (voice) I know we should be upset that we lost but I'm more proud of us than anything.

Mickey: (voice) Yeah a lot of people said we wouldn’t make it past episode one but we proved them wrong and that’s what important.

Jay: (voices) We did our best and kept going when the adversity got tough for us.

Mickey: (voice) Well, we are the Adversity Twins.

Jay: (voice) Yeah that we are. That we are. (They laugh)

(Jay and Mickey are seen walking off into the city at night.)

Mickey: At least we left before we suffered anything serious. 

Jay: Yeah the last thing we need is another concussion. (Both sneeze again) We should probably take our medication before this gets worse. 

Mickey: Good thinking. (Both stop walking and start rummaging through their backpack as the screen fades to black) 

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah about Jay and Mickey, I decided to just cut their losses where they stood and save them alot of abuse. At least they can take solace in the fact they weren't eliminated 1st. Can I just say how much i love the original episode, it's one of my favorite episodes in the whole total drama series, I've always wanted to go to Paris. My favorite part about writing this episode was describing all the different drawings the contestants made and the Into The Woods reference I made.
> 
> Rankings:  
> MacArthur & Sanders (1st Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (3rd Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (4th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (5th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (6th Place)  
> June & Quince (7th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (8th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (9th Place)  
> Sam & May (10th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (11th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (12th Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (13th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (14th Place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (15th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (16th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (17th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (18th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (19th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (20th Place)  
> Rock & Spud (21st Place)  
> Owen & Noah (22nd Place)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd place)
> 
> Placements:  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	5. Mediterranean Homesick Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the French Riviera sounds like a day at the beach right? Well you know what they say.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race! Teams traveled to Paris where their wills were tested, their artistic limits were pushed, their bravery was shown, and Owen ate more cheese than I thought humanly possible. The police cadets narrowly edged out the ice dancers to win the challenge. The Tennis Rivals escaped by the skin of their teeth and the Adversity twins got the boot, but hey that’s one episode farther than we all expected out of them. Who will lose today? They all have potential. Find out here! This is THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera causing it to flash)

(Intro plays)

=== The Louvre (Paris Chill Zone) === (Don and the teams stand in front of the Louvre which as the Chill Zone from last episode)

Don: Yesterday's Chill Zone was the Louvre which will be today's starting line. Teams will start in the order they arrived starting with - (he sees Josee and Jacques trying to grab a tip) Whoa! It's not your turn! Yesterday’s winners go first, you wait for your turn like everyone else. (The Ice Dancers grumble as they walk behind MacArthur and Sanders)

MacArthur: What's wrong, Ice Capades? Did you ACTUALLY think you were supposed to be winners? (She laughs as Josee and Jacques glare)

Sanders: Keep it professional MacArthur. 

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I’ve got my eye on those ice dancers. Give them an inch and they’ll take the whole race. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: This is so unfair! We should be getting all the glory and victory!   
\---> Josee: Don't worry Jacques. I have a feeling today will be our lucky day. (Kisses her lucky rabbits foot)

Sanders: (presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Take the train to Calanque de Maubois on the Mediterranean Coast and search the train station for your next tip. Come on! (She and MacArthur run)

Don: (voices over as slideshow as images of Calanque de Maubois are shown) Teams must take the train south to Calanque de Maubois off the skirts of the Mediterranean Coast. Calanque de Maubois is famous for its sandy beaches so fine you want it to get in your shorts. The Red Cliffs are one of the many beautiful destinations down here. (Don is now shown on the beach wearing a red speedo) Did I mention that the beaches are awesome? Cause they are! (A crab grabs his speedo and yanks it) OWWWW! 

(Back at the don box the best friends and father/son arrive to get their tips Devin presses the button to get the tip but a mime steals it)

Devin: Hey! Give me that back! (Chases after him)

Junior: (looks at Carrie who is suddenly surrounded by hearts and cupids and he smiles) H-hey! (Makes his voice deeper) I mean, hey. I'm Dwayne.

Carrie: Hi. I'm Carrie. (Offers him a handshake until Dwayne steps in)

Dwayne: (shakes Carrie's hand) Nice to meet you! Dwayne Sr. I see you already met Dwayne Jr. Hehe, what a great little guy. (Rubs Juniors head)

Junior: Dad!

Dwayne: He can act out sometimes, but that’s what happens when they reach puberty. (Junior looks at him spitefully) 

Devin (returns with the tip): Come on Carrie! We need to head to the train station! (Carrie and Devin run)

Carrie: Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Good luck to you. 

Dwayne: Nice people, right Junior? (Junior glares at him) What?

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: My dad is always embarrassing me.  
\---> Dwayne: Me? Embarrass you? (Laughs) Junior, you're just being self-conscious. Oh, that reminds me I washed your favorite pair of underwear last night. (Holds it up)   
\---> Junior: (rolls his eyes) Oh dad!

Sanders: (elsewhere she and MacArthur along with Leo/Annie are trying to catch a taxi) Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! (All of them ignore her) Man this is really hard. Why won't any of them stop?

MacArthur: (steps up) Move aside. I got this. (Steps into the middle of the street and holds up her police badge) HALTTTTTT!! (Suddenly all the cars crash into one another)

Leo: Whoa....

MacArthur: (walks up to the window of a car and presses her badge against the glass) Police! We are commandeering this vehicle, maggot! DO YOU UNERSTAND! (He nods in fear as MacArthur gives the thumbs up to Sanders) Got one.

Sanders: (looks worried) 

(Confessional)   
\---> Sanders: I'm a little concerned. MacArthur can be kind of aggressive at times.  
\---> MacArthur: What?! (Gets in Sanders' face) I dare you to say that again to my face! (Backs off and laughs) I'm kidding. Lighten up. (Gets in her face again) Seriously! Lighten up!  
\---> Sanders: (fakes smile) Better?  
\---> MacArthur: (backs off and smiles) Better.

(Leo and Annie get in another taxi that stopped to avoid the crash)

Leo: Could you drive us to the subway station please? (Taxi driver nods in agreement and they head off)

(Meanwhile Jacques and Josee see a sign leading down to the metro)

Jacques: But of course. The subway is the fastest way to the train station. (They head down with the surfer dudes following them)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: Our strategy’s pretty simple. We just follow a team that’s smarter than us, and pretty much everyone’s smarter than us, so... Yeah!  
\---> Both: Wicked! (They fist bump and head off)

(Meanwhile Rock spud get their tip and head off. The sisters and mother/daughter arrive behind them)

Kitty: Come on team mate let’s have some fun! 

Emma: No! (Pushes the button and gets the tip) Let’s come in first for a change. Train station, come on! (Runs ahead) 

Kitty: Woo-hoo! Fun!

Emma: Come on! (She grabs her and runs)

(Meanwhile in the taxi carrying the police cadets, MacArthur is driving while the driver sits in the back)

MacArthur: (she’s driving with Sanders in the front. The driver is in the back) I need directions Sanders!

Sanders: (looking through the compartments) There’s no maps. I can't find anything.

MacArthur: (smirks) Time to play bad cop.

Sanders: Uh oh....

MacArthur: (puts on the brakes hard causing the car to stop and she get in the driver’s face causing him to shrink back in fear) TRAIN STATION! DIRECTIONS! NOWWWWW!

Dwayne: (he and Junior are running to the train station ahead of Carrie and Devin) I'm surprised you can keep up with the old man. (Chuckles and notices Junior is staring back) Junior?

Junior: (stares lovingly into Carrie until he runs into a wall) Oww!

Dwayne: Junior! (Runs up to him) You okay!?

Carrie: (she and Devin run up to Junior as well) Are you feeling okay?

Junior: (smiles at Carrie lovingly) I am now.

Devin: (looks up and notices that they are at the train station) Look homie, we made it! Let's go! (Carrie and Devin run with Dwayne and Junior following.)

Sanders: (sticks her head out the window) There's the train station!

MacArthur: Hold on! I saw this in a movie once! (Spins the wheel causing it to spin out of control)

Sanders/Driver: (holding onto each other in fear) AUGHHHH!!!

(They parallel park into a space perfectly)

MacArthur: (she steps out of the car and begins writing up a ticket) This is for parking in front of a fire hydrant.

Driver: (receives the ticket and gives a WTH face)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: Can you even give a ticket outside your jurisdiction?  
\---> MacArthur: (Gives her a ticket)   
\---> Sanders: Huh? What's this? (Reads it) Excessive complaining? That's not a real offense.  
\---> MacArthur: Sure it is. Look it up. (Sanders just gives her a look)

(Meanwhile at the Don box the Reality TV pros and the Tennis Rivals finally get their tips and head off)

Don: (voice) As all the teams have gotten their tips, the first seven teams are about to leave the train station. 

(June/Quince, Devin/Carrie, Dwayne/Junior, MacArthur/Sanders and Gabriella/Nekota arrive at the train station and enter the train noticing Josee and Jacques already there relaxing in their seats. Geoff and Brody are in another train cabin)

Jacques: (sees them) Oh, there you guys are. What took you so long? (Sips some water)

June: Hey where’d you come from?

Josee: Ever heard of the subway, fastest way to a train station? (Everyone face palms as the train takes off)

Don: (voice) The first seven teams have just left the station, and now the rest of the teams race for train number two.

(Taxis are shown racing to the train station. We look inside the Taxi carrying Tom/Jen, they are dolling themselves up.)

Jen: The south of France is were only the most glamorous people in the world hangout. It’s just Paris with glossier lipstick and more water sports.

Tom: (gasps) Oh! No! Please! Please! Please tell me I have it! (Looks through shopping bags) Phew! Got it. (Holds up aerosol can) Spray tan? 

Jen: Do you even have to ask? (The car fills up with a tan mist that you can see coming out of the windows)

(Meanwhile in the taxi carrying the geniuses)

Mary: (she and Ellody are giving the driver directions) Take LeBronc to Canal.

Ellody: Canal to Germain.

Mary: Germain to Belmont.

Ellody: Turn left on LeGrant.

Mary: Reverse onto Bereau.

Both: Then U-turn back on Grant south to Duncard and make an immediate left instead of a right. 

Mary: Less traffic. 

Ellody: Trust us, we're geniuses.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: Me and Mary weren't exactly "popular" in high school but memorizing all the streets of every urban center is just as much fun as going to parties.  
\---> Mary: Or going out on dates, or prom, or taking non science electives, or being a cheerleader, or ……  
\---> Ellody: Well it doesn't matter because our choices are paying off, we can just outthink the other competitors.

(In the subway station Chet meets up with Lorenzo, Chet is sweaty and exhausted.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Lorenzo: I took the subway here. He took a taxi.  
\---> Chet: Can you tell Lorenzo that the time he wasn’t with me has been the best part of the race so far?!  
\---> Lorenzo: Well could you please tell Chet that the best part of my life was the part BEFORE he came into it?! (They push each other and start to fight, again)

Kitty: (she and Emma are in a taxi heading to the train station and she talks to the driver) Hey, can you take a picture of my sister and me?

Emma: This is a race Kitt! Not a vacation!

Kitty: Come on! (Grabs Emma and pulls her in for an selfie) I want to make memories of all our time together! (Poses) PARIS! (Takes the picture)

Emma: (uncomfortable) Ugh....

(The scene changes to the teams on the 1st train already on the way to the coast.)

Carrie: (she's talking to Dwayne and Junior who sit in front of them) So me and Devin met in the sandbox when we were four and haven't been apart since.

Dwayne: Well that's sweet. You always remember the first time you meet your soulmate. (To Junior) Do you know how me and your mom met?

Junior: Yeah, you spilled soda all over mom's clothes at a Christmas party and had to pay for her dry cleaning.

Dwayne: Hey, I did get her number. (To Devin) So, how long have you two been dating?

Devin: Dating? Me and Carrie aren't a couple. I'm already dating someone named Shelly.

Carrie: (frowns) Yeah.... Shelly...

Dwayne: Huh, My mistake. (Reads a newspaper as Junior is seen smiling widely next to him)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: (he's by himself) She's single! WOOOHOOO!! (He runs around cheering in excitement)

(At the trains station more teams wait for train 2. Lorenzo holds back Chet from punching him. The daters make out. The goths stand there motionless, and the siblings stare at them weirded out. Fabian walks around aimlessly while May, Jordan, Sam all look at magazines from a kiosk. The fashion bloggers arrive with their spay tans) 

Mary: It seems like your skin pigmentation has received an overdose of dihydroxyacetone.

(She and Ellody laugh as the models arrive)

Yves (to Tom and Jen): Listen. I love your blog and hate to be “that girl” but tans, real or fake, don’t work for anyone.

Jen: Well you’re one to complain with that already perfectly tanned skin.

Yves: This isn’t a tan, this is my natural skin tone. I’m a Philippine.

Tom: Regardless you lucked out, this skin is flawless (examining her arm and hand) Not a freckle or hair out of place. (Notices Syd and Dani have arrived) Unlike him.

Syd: What’s wrong with me?

Tom: Do I have to point out the hair? (Points to Syd’s semi long navy blue hair)

Syd: (embarrassed): But it’s my hair, I like it. 

Aaryn (Speaks to Tom): Tom listen I like you, I respect you. I want to be friends with you and Jen but I can’t do that if you insult the competition.

Tom: But it’s gaudy.

Aaryn: Maybe it is, but you shouldn’t say that directly to someone’s face. Some people don’t have the same confidence we do and any remark can be damaging to their self-esteem.

Tom: Fine I won’t say things out loud anymore I’ll just think them very loudly.

Aaryn: Thanks man! (Walks over to Syd) Sorry about that, it probably won’t happen again. And for what it’s worth I think you’re hair looks great.

Syd: Really?

Aaryn: Really. Reminds me of my favorite shirt. (Syd is slightly smitten by this)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: He seems nice doesn’t he?  
\---> Syd: He’s nice and cute, but how do I know he’s into me in that way?   
\---> Dani: Ask him, or ask that friend of his.

Owen: (He and Noah show up) See, we made it.

Noah: Yeah but we're still in one of the last places and we need to catch up.

Gerry: (he and Pete run in drenched in sweat) Wow, what a run am I right?

Pete: Good thing I'm prepared for marathons like that. (They laugh)

Ryan: That was a three and a half mile run. (Gerry and Pete sigh)

(Confessional)  
\---> Pete: Okay, we're not off to a good start today.  
\---> Gerry: We barely squeaked by last challenge and this race drains us like crazy. We just don't have the same stamina we had when we were 29.  
\---> Pete: You know what else you didn't have at age 29? That ear hair. (They laugh)

Leo: (getting impatient) Come on, HURRY UP!

Don: (voice) As group 2 waits for the train. Group 1 has already arrived at the beach. 

(Everyone runs over to the Don box to get their tips)

Dwayne: Alright, let's see what we got. (Reads it and gets worried) Uh oh.

Brody: (reads the tip) Who wants to swim with S-SHARKS?! (All competitors look at the water to see that its shark infested. They gulp in fear.)

(Commercial break) 

Don: (Is on a small paddle boat in the middle of the water surrounded by sharks) Yes, sharks. In this botch or watch, whoever didn't draw the caricature in Paris has to swim to this part of the Mediterranean and retrieve a tip from the dorsal fin of a great white shark. (A shark suddenly roars on Don's boat) AUGHHHHHH! (It disappears) Yeah, you better run unless you want a piece of the widow maker! (It comes back) AUGHHHHHH! 

Sanders: (reads the tip) Note: Eaten contestants will result in disqualification. Wow, they really thought of everything. (Appears nervous)

Devin: (to Carrie) Here goes nothing. I hope. (He jumps in)

Geoff: Crush it bro! (High fives Brody as he heads into the water)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: The botch or watch challenges are the worst. I’m so afraid I’m gonna goof up and get us both axed. But this one was easy for me. I was captain of the swim team all 5 years of high school. Easy peasy.  
\---> Geoff: Yeah man. Sharks, minnows more like it.

MacArthur: Sharks? Man I dodged a bullet.

Sanders: (nervously) Still here.

MacArthur: What? I’m just saying I’m happy I’m not you. Now get moving! (Pushes her into the water) That’ll light a fire in her. 

(Meanwhile on train 2 we see several of the teams sitting, riding, and conversing.) 

Ellody: (she and Mary sit across from Laurie and Miles) So how has your time on the show been so far?

Miles: Really good. We helped out a camel and made his dream come true.

Mary: What type of dream could a camel have?

Laurie: To not be ridden on like an animal.

Ellody: But camels are animals. And to a lesser extent so are we.

Laurie/Miles: (at the same time) Exactly! (They laugh as Ellody and Mary look confused at each other.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: Those two are peculiar.  
\---> Mary: Agreed, but then again not everyone can have our brain capacity.

(Mother/son sit a few aisles behind the models. Yves gets up and walks into Syd who decides to talk to her)

Yves: Oh hey, do you know where the bathroom is on this train?

Syd: The metro doesn’t have a bathroom.

Yves: Well I guess I can wait until we make our stop and then start the challenge.

Syd: I guess. Hey is Aaryn dating anyone?

Yves: Not right now. (Syd looks happy) But he did date several of the girls in our graduating class. (Syd looks disheartened and walks off) Hey what’s the matter? Wait, did you want to date him?

Syd: M-Maybe?

Yves: If want to date him you can, Aaryn is bisexual.

Syd: Really?!

Yves: Really.

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: I’VE GOT A CHANCE! (Cheers) Wait! I’ve got to play this cool, I’ll see if he’d like me to help him with the next challenge and from then on I’ll just play it cool.

(Back at the beach the teams there are either starting the botch or watch or preparing to. Those doing this challenge are Josee, Gabriella, Devin, Dwayne, Brody, Sanders, and June.)

Nekota: (kisses Gabriella for luck) Good luck man.

Gabriella: I don’t need luck! I was born lucky! (Dives into the water and starts swimming)

June: I can’t believe I’m doing this!

Quince: Well the point of these shows is to see what people will and won’t do for money. And don’t worry I’ve heard sharks like a fatty meal, which means they’ll probably go after that Owen fellow and leave you alone. You’re a scrawny little snack to them and they want an entrée.

June: Well then I hope I’m like truffle oil to these sharks, HERE GOES EVERYTHING! (Dives into the water) 

(Several people swim ahead while Dwayne swims slowly behind)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: Turns out swimming in shark infested waters is a lot harder on my old body than I thought. (Junior just rolls his eyes)

Josee: (she jumps gracefully in the water and is easily able to grab a tip from a shark) Too easy! (A shark suddenly chases her) Uh oh! (She gracefully swims away)

Devin: Nice move!

Gabriella: Whoa! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: (by herself) Okay, I just love the ice dancers. They’re Olympians, they’re everything I want to be. Maybe if I prove my prowess they’d be open to an alliance. 

Devin: (reaching for one) Almost got it.....

Brody: (Jumping on it) Sorry dude! Gotta grab the shark by the horn! (The shark swims off with him)

Don: (voice) While our teams battle with the top of the aquatic food chain. Train #2 has arrived 

Mary: Wait I think we’re missing a team.

Ellody: Worry later. There’s the don box. Hurry!

(They receive their tips. Ryan, Jordan, Rock, Pete, Chet, Owen, Emma, Mary, Crimson, Syd, Leo, Aaryn, Kelly, Miles, and Sam will be doing this challenge.) 

(On the beach)

Carrie: (watching Devin swim around) Oh Devin, please be safe.

Junior: Don't worry about Devin. You should focus on something or someone else. (Winks)

Quince: Shouldn't you be worrying about your dad? He looks like he's struggling.

Junior: (not paying attention) Nah, I'm sure he's fine. (Dwayne is seen swimming in terror) 

(Underwater Devin grabs a tip from the shark but it turns around and growls at him, causing him to leave the tip and swim away in terror. The tip floats to the surface where Dwayne grabs it)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: I’m really proud of my dad. It takes guts to swim TOWARDS a shark.  
\---> Dwayne: Well son, this isn’t your dad’s 1st shark rodeo. If anything that shark’s lucky he didn’t have to tangle with the Dwayne man. (Yells and punches the camera causing it to go to static and crack) Oh, hey. You ok there?

Chet: (entering the water) You draw a caricature. I have swallow my own barf AND swim with sharks?! This is so unfair!

Lorenzo: Only if you’re you. (Laughs)

Yves: Since you have to do the challenge I’m gonna go to the bathroom, okay?

Aaryn: Sure go ahead I should be fine. (Yves runs off) Man what am I gonna do?

Syd: (approaches him) Would you like my help?

Aaryn: Depends, are you an ichthyologist?

Syd: Well no but I’ve considered it. However I do know a lot about sharks. Care to team up this challenge?

Aaryn: Sure man. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: (celebratory fist pump) Yes! I got his attention now to show him what I’m made of. 

Annie: This is some challenge.

Leo: Yeah no kidding, but at least it’s me instead of you, I’d hate it if anything happened to you.

Annie: That’s really nice of you to say but do you think you’ll be fine? 

Leo: Don’t worry Annie I’m gonna get this done in one piece! (Takes off shoes and socks and goes into the water)

Annie: May the odds forever be in your favor. (Waves) 

(The daters stop making out)

Stephanie: Baby if you get eaten, I will find that shark and eat it so that we can be together always. (They stare at each other lovingly)

Fabian: (arriving with Jordan) I actually wouldn’t. Sharks may kill an average of 4 people a year but humans kill 11,000 sharks an hour.

Stephanie: Okay, so maybe I won’t.

Ryan: Don’t worry it’s the thought that counts. (They continue to make out when a yacht arrives carrying the Fashion Bloggers)

Tom: Hi everyone. Hope you didn’t miss us.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Okay, we got off the train in Cannes.   
\---> Tom: Just to breathe it in.  
\---> Jen: And right there on the platform.  
\---> Tom: The Prince of Monaco!  
\---> Jen: He asks where we’re headed  
\---> Tom: One thing leads to another.   
\---> Jen: And then we got a Yacht ride!  
\---> Both: With a prince! (Both squee)

Jen: Thanks for the ride your highness. (A shark jumps out of the water. Tom screams and jumps into Jen’s arms.) 

Fabian: You ready to go?

Jordan: (taking off her shoes and socks) Pretty much I just want to wait for Sam so we can do this thing together.

Fabian: Oh, I feel so guilty. If only I’d eaten the stew in Morocco, then I’d be the one swimming. 

Jordan: Aww! That’s sweet of you to pretend you’d put your own safety above mine but I’ve got this. Hold these. (Hands him her shoes and socks, turns to Sam) You ready man?

Sam: (naked except for his underwear, which is light blue lace briefs. You can see his body has a lot of tattoos) Sure! Let’s do it! (They both head to the water)

(Devin is seen swimming desperately while Josee effortlessly swims around him like a mermaid)

Jacques: She is beauty, grace and strength. Every move like a swan which makes all other swans pale in comparison. Wouldn’t you agree? 

Nekota: (Doesn’t really get the metaphor) Yeah. Hey, where’s Gabriella?

Annie: And Leo? 

Quince: And June? 

Lorenzo: HA! Maybe we got lucky and Chet got eaten by a shark.

Gerry: Well that's awfully mean.

Lorenzo: Chet's a dork. Aren't you and your partner rivals or something?

Gerry: Yeah but I still respect him. We're friends even though he can be a sour puss at times. (Laughs)

Ennui: (stands by himself) Yeah, I don't do interactions with others.

Fabian: (walks to him) Me neither. Let’s not interact with anyone together. (Ennui walks away)

May: Nice try buddy.

(Confessional)  
\---> May: I’ve been friends with Fabian longer than anyone. He used to be so reclusive and only speak to me, now that we’re older and we’ve found our meaning in life he’s a lot more open, so it makes me very happy to see him trying to extend the olive branch to someone.  
\---> Fabian: I really do wanna make a few new friends on this race. 

(Leo approaches an oblivious shark from behind)

Leo: I’ve got you know. (June dunks his head then swims in front of him, Leo quickly grabs her leg and stops her) What are you doing, this shark’s mine!

June: Pick another one! There’s plenty. (Slaps him away but he grabs her again)

Leo: (In her face) No you!

June: (In his face) You! 

Leo: You!

June: You!

Leo: You! (They turn to see the shark roaring in their faces. They scream and hold each other in fear. Gabriella then jumps on the back of the shark and leads it away from them. She grabs the tip off its back then swims away)

Gabriella: Good luck! (Waves at them)

June: Oh she is good. She jumped the shark and still looks cool. 

Leo: Ok, listen if we fight it will lead to one of us going home, let’s work together to get the tip then we part ways.

June: Deal.

Leo: Ok, I’ll distract the shark while you get the tips. 

June: Deal.

(Both swim up to a shark. Leo taunts it and starts swimming away from it while it chases him. June gets on its back and snatches the tips, she jumps from the shark and leads it away from Leo but Leo follows her and aides her in distracting the shark by swimming in a zig-zag pattern and they swim to the shore and meet up with their partners.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Gotta say that June girl is pretty swift and nimble.  
\---> Annie: Maybe we could form an alliance?  
\---> Leo: I’m not signing up to any alliance, that’s just asking to be eliminated. 

(Confessional)  
\---> June: I guess Leo’s gonna be our main competition. And he’s kind of hot.   
\---> Quince: Wow a compliment with no hidden meaning to it, I’m impressed.  
\---> June: Don’t expect it to often.

(Meanwhile Dwayne approaches the shore.) 

Dwayne: Junior! Get a bucket! We need to make a sandcastle! 

Don: (standing on the beach) Dwayne is right. In this challenge, teams must make a sand replica of the Palace of Versailles. Sandcastles will be judged by Sandcastle Building Champion, Sandy McCastles. (A little boy with shaggy blond hair, a gap in his tooth, and swimming clothes waves at the camera), probably a fake name (Boy snips at him), approves of it teams will receive a tip that will lead them to their next destination.

(Sanders collapses on the beach with the tip in hand)

MacArthur: About time, my grandmother can dog paddle faster than you.

(More teams like Emma, Tom, and Chet are trying to get the tips and avoid being eaten. Ryan wrestles with his shark.) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: I was scared but I’m glad I was the one who had to go in the water. If anything ever happened to Kitty...  
\---> Kitty: Aww.  
\---> Emma: We would be instantly eliminated.  
\---> Kitty: Oh...

Devin: (grabs one) Yeah! Bringing it home alive! (A shark gets up from underneath him) Uh oh! This bites! (He swims away to the shore with his tip in fear.)

(Mary is then seen in the water, two sharks approach her and roar at her but they run away in fear leaving their tips behind. She grabs one)

(Confessional)  
\---> Mary: (She and Ellody hold magnets) No sharks aren’t afraid of me but they are afraid of magnets.  
\---> Ellody: Technically it’s not fear.  
\---> Mary: I know that I was being facetious. Charged metals in salt water create a weak electrical field which disrupts the shark’s electro reception censors.  
\---> Ellody: Oh, let us explain. Salt water is an ionic solution that contains particles with unpaired electrons.  
\---> Mary: Man I wish we had a dry erase board.

Don: (voice) Speaking of dry can we get back to something more entertaining? (Devin swims away in fear from the shark) Ah, That’s more like it. 

(While swimming towards the shore Mary runs into Syd and Aaryn.)

Syd: Oh, did you use magnets to repel the sharks too? (He and Aaryn pull out magnets from their shirts) 

Mary: Of course. (Pulls one out of her Victoria’s secret compartment) 

Syd: I guess great minds do think alike.

Mary: Likewise. Good luck. (Swims away)

(Confessional)  
\---> Aaryn: Hey man thanks for your help. Because I never would’ve thought of using magnets, you’re a really smart guy.  
\---> Syd: (lovingly) Really? I mean... You really think so? I mean I hear that from everyone but from you it’s just…. I’ll shut up now (leaves the confessional)   
\---> Aaryn: (confused) Am I missing something?

Syd: (he and Aaryn are swimming to shore) So I was thinking since working together on the first challenge worked so well maybe we could… (Notices Aaryn has already swum to shore and is reading the travel tip with Yves, they run off to build a castle) Oh, drat. (Swims to shore and meets up with his mom.) Okay it says we need to…

Dani: (hugging Syd intensely) Oh Syd honey, thank god you’re okay!

Syd: (struggling to breathe) Please release grip.

Don: (voice) As some teams are starting challenge 2, the surfers try to finish the 1st one.

Geoff: (looking) I don’t see him anywhere. 

Brody: Shark dude could you at least chase me towards the shore? (Shark swims after him)

(Rock enters the water worryingly while Spud listens to music)

(Confessional)  
\---> Rock: I’ll do pretty much anything to win. My parents want me to move out of their basement. If I win I can build my own basement. 

Pete: (emerges from the water) Man I’m getting to old for this. (Gerry reads the tip)

Gerry: Let’s move it. (Grabs him by the hand as they start work on the next challenge) 

Crimson: (A shark swims up to her and prepares to attack until she stares at him. He gets scared and leaves a tip behind.) Weak.

(Jordan and Sam approach a shark from behind)

Jordan: Ok, you distract it while it get the tips, got it? (Turns to her side and can’t find her brother, when she looks back at the shark she sees Sam is already on it and is riding it like a mechanical bull)

Sam: Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! (Grabs the tips before the shark bucks him off.) Got ‘em! Let’s swim!

Jordan: Way to go man! (They swim back to shore) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: That’s my brother, always crazy enough to try anything once.  
\---> Sam: It’s true. Once I was used for an art exhibition which required me to be painted like a Greco Roman statue. It was a lot of fun and I got to be naked in public.

(Sam and Jordan are back at shore and meet up with their partners.)

Jordan: It says we have to build a sandcastle. 

Fabian: I know what to do! We need to combine ¾ a bucket of water with 3 buckets of sand if we want to make something moldable.

May: Good to know now let’s get on it. (They run off to start working) 

(Teams work on their castles while surf rock plays. Ryan and Stephanie are seen making their sandcastle and making googly eyes at each other. Chet and Lorenzo are throwing sand at each other. Gerry and Pete crack jokes as they make their sandcastle. Dwayne is working hard while Junior watches impressed.) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Gotta say I was really impressed by my dad. He was really going for it.  
\---> Dwayne: Well building is what men were born to do.

(Kelly emerges from the water)

Taylor: Wow mom that was seriously epic of you. (Takes the tip and reads it)

Kelly: Oh thank you Taylor, that’s one of the sweetest things you’ve… (Notices she left)

Taylor: (running off) Come on! We gotta get castle building. (Kelly follows her closely behind)

Sanders: (she and MacArthur build) Are you sure it needs to be this big?

MacArthur: You want to take a chance and risk losing? Go big or go home!

(Emma overhears this)

Emma: Hear that, go big or go home (She and Kitty continue to build)

(Meanwhile Mary and Ellody are seen writing some sort of equation in the sand)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: We’re scientists. We know how important the planning process is.  
\---> Mary: Agreed. We’re building a sand castle here, this isn’t kid stuff.

(Annie walks by)

Annie: Oh hey, what are you writing down?

Ellody: We’ll have you know it’s a complex equation so we can determine how large our sand castle needs to be so we can build it without it crumbling.

Annie: Well here let me help you. (Grabs a stick and starts adding to the equation)

Mary: That’s really not necessary, you don’t understand the math at work here. You couldn’t possibly ….. (Gabriella pops in and starts working on it too) What are you doing?

Gabriella: Helping out, you seemed like you needed it.

Ellody: We are more than capable of doing this… (Syd, May, and June all come over and start adding to the equation) Hey! Stop that! 

May: Don’t worry, this will be over with quickly. 

Mary: No! Listen, while we appreciate the effort you all are going to none of you can possibly calculate how much sand is needed…. 

June: Done! (The equation is complete)

Syd: You need 373,996 cubic yards.

Mary: (using calculator) The math checks out. 

Annie: You’re welcome! (They all leave Mary and Ellody looking dumbfounded)

(Confessional)  
\---> Mary: For the record we could’ve done that by ourselves.  
\---> Ellody: But on the plus side we can get started sooner.

(Sandy comes over to father/son’s castle but disapproves it.)

Dwayne: No? What do you mean no!? I was making castles long before you were. (He walks away) Hey, I’m still talking to you!

Junior: Come on dad let’s just start over. (They start working again)

Owen: (grabs one) Yes! (Three sharks surround him) Hehehe. Any chance you guys are dolphins?

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: (He's all beaten up and has bite marks and scratches) I don't think they were dolphins.  
\---> Noah: (face palms) Really, you don’t say?

(More teams work on their sandcastles. Mother/daughter notice hermit crabs walking away with their castles on their shells. Spud is buried up to his neck in sand while Rock comes to unbury him and they start working. Quince and June are building a large, detailed sand sculpture. The siblings see this and just gasp in awe.) 

Miles: (in the water comforting a shark) If we win the money, I’m going to start a charity dedicated to the preservation of these long misunderstood ocean predators. (Grabs the tip from its back, it then roars at her and she swims away screaming.)

Laurie: (to camera) Miles knows how to harness nature's power so she'll be fine. (Hears screaming and turns around to see her partner swimming for her life) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Miles: (roughed up) I’m now removing sharks from my preservation list. 

(Brody is still trying to get a tip but is swimming and screaming in circles)

Don: (voice) All the teams start work on the 2nd challenge except for the surfers. 

(Dwayne and Junior finish their 2nd much smaller castle)

Dwayne: Where’s the judge? (Sandy arrives and inspects their castle. This time he approves of it and presents them with their tip)

Dwayne: (reading) Grab a speedboat then follow the GPS to chill zone at the coast of Genoa.

Don: (stands on the chill zone) This beautiful city on the western coast of Italy is the finish line for this segment of the race, the last team here may be heading home. 

(Dwayne and Junior leave to the boats)

Kitty: (notices Father and son's castle) Aww. What a cute little castle. (Emma and the cadets notice this)

MacArthur: It doesn’t have to be big?

Emma: New plan, doesn’t have to be big. (They all start reworking) 

(Father/son reach the boats and get in one)

Dwayne: Alright, first place! (Turns the key and prepares to drive but it doesn’t work)

Junior: Let’s just try another one.

Dwayne: Oh come on it can’t be that hard to fix. You just need to adjust the chokey mechanism. (Looks at the engine) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: My dad once tried to attach a bell to my bike, by the time he was done the wheels were gone, just gone.  
\---> Dwayne: It must have been one of those Swedish bells, very tricky.  
\---> Junior: Sure. (Rolls his eyes)

(They run to another boat)

Dwayne: Can you believe the 1st two boats we picked were busted? (They hop in a new boat)

Junior: You have to turn the key then press the start button.

Dwayne: Must be one of those Swedish boats, okay now let me take the whe…. (Junior drives the boat)

(Brody finally emerges from the water)

Brody: (he falls on the beach with his tip) I made it! (Passes out on the ground)

(Geoff reads the tip)

Geoff: No time to rest man, gotta build a castle.

(Sandy approves of the fashion bloggers castle and they head off to the boats. Further ahead we see the ice dancers and the fashion bloggers racing their boats to the chill zone. We go back to the boats to see Devin and Carrie struggling to start their boat, when it does they drive. Back at the boats Chet and Lorenzo fight for the right to drive)

Chet: I swam with sharks! I should be the one driving!

Lorenzo: No way! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Lorenzo: We agreed to switch drivers every twelve seconds but he counts too fast!  
\---> Chet: Fine! Rock, Paper, Scissors for who gets to drive to the Chillzone?  
\---> Lorenzo: Fine! (They do so and Lorenzo wins) YEAH! In your face!

Sandy: (gives the thumbs up to Emma/Kitty, MacArthur/Sanders, Kelly/Taylor, Owen/Noah, Laurie/Miles, Leo/Annie, June/Quince, Crimson/Ennui, Ryan/Stephanie, Mary/Ellody, Rock/Spud, Gerry/Pete, Jordan/Fabian, Yves/Aaryn, May/Sam, Dani/Syd, and Gabriella/Nekota. They all go to the boats and drive off) 

(Further ahead the motor for Devin/Carrie starts smoking)

Devin: Oh no, we got a problem. I guess we’ll just have to go slow, otherwise the motor will burn out.

Carrie: I hope slow and steady wins this part of the race. (The cadets pass them) 

Sanders: You better have a permit to grill on that motor!

Don: With almost all the teams Italy-bound, the first team to arrive has just docked. (Dwayne and Junior reach the Chill Zone) Father and son, you're the first to arrive.

Junior: Sweet!

Don: However, you're getting a twenty minute penalty. (A big 20:00 appears over their heads)

Dwayne: W-what? What'd we do wrong?

Don: You read the travel tip before reuniting with Junior. Now sit back and wait out your penalty (They groan as Josee and Jacques arrive) First place to the Ice Dancers! And today's prize is a 2 week cruise around the Mediterranean. (The Dwaynes seem disappointed. Josee and Jacques send kisses to the camera) Huh, thought you would be going crazy right now.

Josee: Don please, we're professionals.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: YESSSSSS! FINALLY! WE BEAT THOSE LOSERS! (Dances in victory)  
\---> Jacques: (running around) We're the best! We did it! Finally! Champions of the world! (Kisses the camera)

Don: (The bloggers reach the chill zone) Jennifer and Thomas, you’ve reached the chill zone 2nd.

Both: (squee)

Don: However, you're also getting a twenty minute penalty for taking a yacht to the beach instead of the train. (A big 20:00 appears over their heads)

(Confessional)  
\---> Tom: Whatever. We rode on a yacht and partied with a prince.   
\---> Jen: Don so wishes he was us.

Don: I seriously don’t. (Noah and Owen arrive) Owen and Noah, you're in second place. (They smile. Sanders and MacArthur arrive) Third place to the cadets. (They high five) 

(Back at the beach Geoff and Brody finally get their tip)

Brody: Dude! We’re dead last! (They run off in a hurry)

Don: (Father/son penalty expires) Fourth! (Bloggers penalty expires) Fifth! (A plump couple in Hawaiian shirts arrive at the chill zone next) Wait who are you two, you’re not part of the race.

Woman: (mid-western U.S accent) Oh, we’re on tv? (Waves to the camera) Hi ma, hi pa!

Man: (mid-western U.S accent) Say can you tell us where the leaning tower of Pisa is? (pulls out map) We’re kind of lost.

Don: In Pisa, this is Genoa.

Man: Well I never was the best with directions, we’ll get out of your hair now. (They leave)

Don: Okay, don't know what the point of that was.

(The surfers hop into a boat and start driving)

Both: Never say die!

(Further ahead the boat for the Tennis rivals seems to be slowing down)

Gerry: What’s the matter?

Pete: I don’t know but I think there’s something wrong with our boat. Let’s not push it and just drive slowly.

Gerry: I guess 2nd to last is better than last, AGAIN! 

Don: (The daters show up) 6th! (The gym rats arrive) 7th! (The anime nerds make it) 8th! (The animaniacs arrive) 9th! (The siblings arrive) 10th place! (Mother and Son arrive) 11th! (Sisters make it) 12th! (Julliard Students arrive) 13th! (The geniuses make it) 14th! (The vegans arrive) 15th! (Models make it) 16th! (Mother and Daughter show up) 17th! (The rockers arrive) 18th! (The goths arrive) 19th! And here comes 20th! (The best friend’s boat finally makes it) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: It would’ve really sucked to go home for a faulty motor and not something we did. We’re a great team. (Puts his arm around Carrie’s shoulder)  
\---> Carrie: (lovingly) Yeah, we are.

(The boat of the surfers also breaks down) 

Geoff: No! This can't be happening! Dude, check the motor! 

Brody: On it! (He looks at the motor and sees something sparking) Hmm...

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: I should’ve never let myself get stuck in that shark’s mouth. Now I’m going to be the reason we get eliminated.  
\---> Geoff: Hey man, we win and lose as a team.

Brody: (touches the motor which shocks him and gets the boat moving) Ughhh.....

Geoff: (focusing on driving) Dude whatever you just did, do it again it worked! 

Brody: (hazy) Ok. (He sighs and shocks himself repeatedly causing the boat to move)

(A while later they can see the shore of Genoa)

Geoff: There it is! Come on, were almost done! A few more jolts and were golden! (Brody continues to get shocked) 

Don: The chill zone could really use a sofa, I’m just saying. (Notices the surfers) You two take 21st. 

Geoff: Yeah man! Woo! (Brody is all shocked out and his hair is standing on end) You okay man? (Touches him but instantly gets shocked too) Oww...

Don: With only one spot left, the Stepbrothers and Tennis rivals race for the final spot!

(The Stepbrothers are ahead of the Tennis rivals whose boat moves slower but Lorenzo and Chet fight for the controls, stalling them.)

Gerry: That’s it! I’m taking control.

Pete: But what about the motor? 

Gerry: This is a race for a $1 million! We took the risk coming here so we’re going to risk the engine burning out! (Takes control and the boat speeds up)

Chet: Step on it dweeb! They're catching up on us! (Lorenzo puts the pedal to the medal as the two teams are neck and neck)

Pete: Face it! You two can’t even talk for 10 minutes without fighting. How do you expect to win the million?

Lorenzo: We may not like each other but we do like money! (The teams bump boats until they crash their boats at the end of the docks sending them flying)

Gerry/Pete/Lorenzo/Chet: AUGHHHHHHHH!!!! (They scream as they are thrown in the air)

Don: (to everyone) Move it! (Everyone moves out of the way as smoke from the broken engine covers the dock. One team has landed on the Chill Zone while the other team has overshot it and landed in the water) Which team will stay in this competition? (The smoke clears revealing the Stepbrothers on the Chill Zone) The Stepbrothers make it to twenty-second place! How does it feel?

Lorenzo: (on the floor) Good but painful... (Coughs)

Chet: Yeah more painful. (Groans in pain)

Gerry: (he and Pete climb out of the water and onto the dock) Are we still in?

Don: I'm afraid not. You're the last team to arrive. You're out of the competition. Safe travels.

(They leave dejectedly)

=== Best of Gerry and Pete === (Various slideshows of the Tennis Rival’s best moments from the Ridonculous are shown on the screen.)

Pete: (voice) Well that was a huge waste.

Gerry: (voice) Not entirely, we got to do plenty of things most people our age wouldn’t even attempt, and we did place ahead of two teams younger than us so that’s gotta count for something.

Pete: (voice) Yeah, I guess you’re right. Who knows maybe we’ll get some new sponsor ship deals out of this. Anyone need a spokesman for those walk in showers?

Both: Call his agent! (They walk down the dock as the sun sets with their arms around each other and laughing) 

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may wonder what was the point in keeping Gerry and Pete around if was i only going to eliminate them in the next episode. Well i just wanted them to place a little higher in the competition, not that higher just a little higher. I didn't really have too many other story ideas for them anyway. For everyone else, I spared the genius so they'll be sticking around. I've also started a romantic plot, see if you can spot it.   
> Next episode marks something very special, my first fanon episode and i'm so excited for you all to read it.
> 
> Rankings:  
>  Jacques & Josee (1st Place)   
>  Owen & Noah (2nd Place)  
>  MacArthur & Sanders (3rd Place)  
>  Dwayne & Junior (4th Place)  
>  Tom & Jen (5th Place)  
>  Ryan & Stephanie (6th Place)  
>  Gabriella & Nekota (7th Place)  
>  Sam & May (8th Place)  
>  Jordan & Fabian (9th Place)  
>  Leo & Annie (10th Place)   
>  Dani & Syd (11th Place)  
>  Emma & Kitty (12th Place)  
>  June & Quince (13th Place)  
>  Mary & Ellody (14th Place)  
>  Laurie & Miles (15th Place)  
>  Aaryn & Yves (16th Place)  
>  Kelly & Taylor (17th Place)  
>  Rock & Spud (18th Place)  
>  Crimson & Ennui (19th Place)  
>  Devin & Carrie (20th Place)  
>  Geoff & Brody (21st Place)  
>  Chet & Lorenzo (22nd Place)
> 
> Placements:  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	6. Going, Going, Gondola

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While in Venice teams must attend a masquerade party and then navigate it's waterways

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams got chummy with sharks. Some more than others. Once they finished making castles in the sand, it was a boat race from the tip of the Mediterranean to the western coast of Italy. The Ice Dancers won by default when father/son incurred a penalty. It was a close race for last place between the bickering Stepbrothers and the slow but steady Tennis rivals but it was the Stepbrothers who were victorious and the Tennis rivals left and could only dream of new sponsor ship deals. Who will lose this week? There's a 0% chance of it being me. Find out here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We start at the Genoan dock from yesterday's challenge. Don stands in front of a Don Box while Josee and Jacques are nearby.)

Don: Welcome back to Italy, the first team to depart today will be the Ice Dancers. (Josee and Jacques walk up to the Don Box showing off. He gets annoyed by this.) Just go.

Josee: (presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Take a transit train to Venice, Italy and find the Don Box in front of St. Mark’s Basilica. (To Jacques) Hurry! (They run off)

Don: (appears in a slideshow of Venice) Venice, Italy is the one place on earth where you don’t have to worry about finding a place to park, mostly because there are no cars or roads. You can tour the majestic waterways in these beautiful gondolas. (Photos of Venetian carnival goers are displayed). And come in at Mardi Gras for the craziest costume party in the world. Teams will all board one train.

Josee: (she and Jacques make it to the transit station but the train isn't there) What? Where is it? We're going to lose our lead!

Jacques: (looks back) Uh, Josee? (They gasp as they see that everyone else has arrived)

Annie: (waves) Hi!

Josee: No fair! We were first we should leave first!

May: You did know that we would all get on the same train right?

Josee: Yes but I ignored it.

May: (under her breathe) Pompous.

Gabriella: (approaching Josee) Oh nice one Josee, you’re a real riot you are.

Josee: Do I know you?

Gabriella: No but I know a lot about you. I know you’re originally from Halifax, you’re a December baby, and you’re one of the few people in the world who can lick their elbow.

Owen: Wow! Not even I can do that!

(Nekota looks on confused)

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: What are you doing?  
\---> Gabriella: Getting us into our 1st alliance. Think about it, they’re Olympians and we want to be Olympians. We’re obviously the two best teams here, let’s band together and surf our way to the finale. Where we spilt the prize. What do you think?   
\---> Nekota: I still don’t know.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Does she actually thinks she’s worthy enough to form an alliance with us?  
\---> Jacques: We share nothing with nobody, aside from all these plane trips and oxygen with the rest of these idiots but you get my point.  
\---> Josee: Now, now let’s be patient maybe there’s a way to turn this to our advantage. We’ll let her think we’re warming up to her and then we send her back home like gift cards on Boxing Day.

(The train arrives and everyone gets on) 

Don: (voice) The train is here. I hope they like each other’s company because it’s a 6 1/2 hour trip to Venice where the destination is St. Mark’s Basilica, a landmark cathedral. 

Josee: (to the gym rats) You know after a lot of careful consideration, I will accept your offer, consider us teammates.

Gabriella: Yay! Should we start formulating rules and strategies? 

Josee: There’ll be plenty of time for that to happen later, but I’d rest up so you have plenty of energy when the challenge starts.

Gabriella: Ok! (Falls dead asleep instantly)

Nekota: We’ve managed to find a way to go straight to REM sleep, it leaves us more energized in the morning. I could teach it to you. 

Jacques: No we’re fine you two sleep the drive away.

Nekota: Ok then. (Falls dead asleep too)

Josee: (whispering) Fools! (She and Jacques quietly snicker)

Rock: (pops up from the seat behind them) You guys are forming an alliance? Maybe me and Spud could be a part of it.

Spud: (pops up) We’ve got an alliance? Sweet! 

Josee: No I’m afraid our alliance lies with the gym rats and no one else. 

Spud: Okay alliance mates here’s what you need to know about me. I'm super gullible, easily manipulated, and cannot say no to a dare.

Rock: Bud, they said no. 

Spud: Oh. (Gets back in his seat and Rock does the same)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Hmm. That information could come in handy later. 

(Much later, the train has just arrived in Venice and everyone gets off)

Jordan: There's the Don Box! (Presses the button and reads the tip) It's a random Botch-or-Watch. 

Don: (he's inside the cathedral) In this botch or watch who ever grabbed the tip must come inside the cathedral and their partner must wait while I give the botchers the challenge. 

Sam: (reading) The challenge will not commence until all the botchers are inside.

Josee: Forcing us to mingle with the common folk. (Disgruntled noise then goes inside)

(June, Laurie, Noah, MacArthur, Jordan, Sam, Ryan, Geoff, Emma, Nekota, Josee, Ellody, Devin, Jen, Dani, Lorenzo, Kelly, Annie, Yves, Ennui, Rock and Dwayne go inside the cathedral. Everyone else waits outside patiently, a couple minutes later Don and several costumed figures come out of the cathedral, they are all wearing clothes that reveal no skin and masks to hide their faces. They include a stilt walking plague doctor, a king, a queen, a knight, a phoenix, a dragon, King Neptune, a mermaid, a Victorian style doll, a jester, the man in the moon, a French aristocrat, an Arabian princess, a sultan, a samurai, a witch, an angel, a devil, a Viking, a pirate, Santa Claus, and a peacock showgirl) 

Leo: Where’s my sister and who are these people?

Don: Allow me to explain. These costumed characters are your teammates. I’ve already explained the rules to them. You must guess which costume your teammate lies under, when you’ve selected your teammate you two must then come meet this local and receive your next tip. (Someone else in an elaborate costume walks up next to Don holding a tip in hand. Don goes to his earpiece) Are you double sure this is the right guy and not some weirdo? (Gets an answer) Ok good. 

Quince: How do we go about picking our teammate?

Don: I was getting to that. I will ask questions to the botchers, if they hold up a sign with an O that means yes if they hold up a sign with an X that means no, using this information you will have to decide which one is your teammate. When you’ve think you’ve made the right selection say “I choose the x” that person will then lift their mask to reveal themselves. If you’re right you go to the fancy pants man to get the tip but if you’re wrong that person and their teammate go ahead of you, guessing wrong here gives the other teams a leg up. (Teams look determined) Ok, 1st question: Does your name begin with one the 1st 13 letters of the alphabet?

(Everyone except the dragon, the mermaid, the samurai, the jester, the Viking, and the peacock girl raise the O) 

Don: Ok, next question: Are you a legal citizen of Canada?

(Everyone but the mermaid, the doll, the queen, the dragon, and the man in the moon raise the O)

Carrie: Stop! I choose the knight. (The knight removes its helmet to reveal…. Devin)

Don: Wow, one team already leaving and it wasn’t even by accident, Best friends you may go. (Devin and Carrie run to the costumed man and read their tip) 

Devin: (reading) It’s an all-in. Find a gondola then row it to the Piazza San Marco…

Don: (at the chill zone zone) and find the chill zone. The last team here may be heading home.

Devin: Hey before we go you mind helping me get this off?

Carrie: (blushing) You want me to undress you?

Devin: Well if you don’t want to I can probably…. (Carrie starts removing pieces of the costume armor like crazy until Devin is in his normal clothes) do it myself?

Carrie: Well, we’re done. Now let’s go. (They run off to the gondolas) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: Wow, you figured out it was me pretty quickly.  
\---> Carrie: Well I guess we just share a special bond that ties us together, wouldn’t you agree? (Stares at him devoutly)   
\---> Devin: Totally, you and I are practically like brother and sister. (Carrie pauses at the word “sister”)  
\---> Carrie: (disheartened) Yeah, brother and sister. 

(Back at the cathedral the 1st challenge continues)

Don: Does your hair go past your shoulders?

(The mermaid, the queen, the Arabian princess, the Viking, the dragon, the phoenix, the sultan, the devil, the angel, the man in the moon, the witch, the pirate, the aristocrat, and the king raise O)

Taylor: Um, I choose the witch. (The witch removes its mask to reveal….. Ellody) Ugh, seriously?

Don: Geniuses you can go ahead. (They leave) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: While I’m sure you could’ve deduced the witch was me eventually I will happily profit from her ineptitude.  
\---> Mary: I can already tell that the mother/daughter team suffers heavily from issues with communication, this bodes well for our odds. 

(Meanwhile Devin and Carrie are in a gondola riding it through the waterways.)

Devin: Man this place is so beautiful I wish we had time to just sight see. You see anything you like?

Carrie: (looking at his butt dreamily) Oh Yeah.

(Back at the cathedral)

Don: Are you single?

(The jester, Santa clause, the Viking, the pirate, the queen, the doll, the mermaid, the king, the phoenix, the devil, the Arabian princess, and the man in the moon raise O)

(Leo tentatively looks at them all)

Don: Is your hair color natural?

(Everyone but the angel raises the O)

Crimson: (pointing) That angel is no angel. (The angel takes off its mask to reveal….. Ennui)

Don: Well isn’t that ironic?

Ennui: Let’s go. (They run, get the tip, and head towards the gondolas) How’d you know it was me? 

Crimson: I can sense the darkness inside you no matter where you are. Why’d you choose the angel when it’s so antithesis of you?

Ennui: I wanted to be funny.

Don: Are you married or engaged?

(The sultan, the stilt walker, and the man in the moon raise the O)

Syd: Stop, the lunar mask is my mom. (The man in the moon takes of its mask to reveal….. Dani)

Taylor: Seriously!? How could you find your mom when I couldn’t?

Syd: Call it bonding and sympathy.

Taylor: Whatever. (Mother/son run to get the tip)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: A lot of you may wonder why I answered yes to both the “are you single” and “are you married” questions. Well when Syd was 5 my husband (choking up a bit) left us. I sent Syd to be with the neighbors for a few days while I contemplated what to do with my life.  
\---> Syd: We don’t really bring this up with other people, it’s too personal.  
\---> Dani: I pulled through it regardless, but he never finalized the papers of our divorce and I’ve been trying everything to track him down, mail the divorce papers and get him to sign them, but I never can. So technically while I’m still married to him I am single and on the market.  
\---> Syd: Dad if you see this, please just do this one thing as an act of mercy, for both of us.

Don: Are you employed or in school? (The pirate, the stilt walker, the mermaid, the devil, the queen, and the Sultan raise the O)

Jacques: Where are you Josee?! (To Don) Hey ask better questions!

Don: Ok, raise your hand if you’re an Olympic gold medalist. (Everyone raises the X, the phoenix begrudgingly raises its last)

Jacques: I choose the golden bird. (Phoenix takes of its mask to reveal…. Josee) Excellent, let’s go. (They run off with style)

Gabriella: Hey wait up for us.

Jacques: But of course…

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee/Jacques: Not! (They laugh)

Don: Are you a fan of Wes Anderson?

(Only the aristocrat and the peacock showgirl raise O)

Fabian: I choose the aristocrat!

May: And I choose the showgirl! (Both take off their masks to reveal…..Jordan was the aristocrat and Sam was the showgirl)

Don: You 4 can proceed.

Sam: (walking down the steps) Come and get me boys! Come and get me boys! Come and get me boys! On one hand it might be quite continental, but Oscar is a host’s best friend. (Shakes tail feathers) 

(May laughs as the quartet leaves while the rest of the contestants look confused) 

Don: Have you graduated from high school?

(Everyone but Santa Claus raises the O)

Don: From college?

(Everyone but the stilt walker and the sultan lower their O and raise X)

Junior: I think the stilt walker is my dad. (The plague doctor takes off its mask to reveal… Dwayne)

Dwayne: Good job Junior!

Junior: Why’d you choose the stilt walker?

Dwayne: I thought it would be fun, now come on let’s get moving. (Tries to walk but falls over) A little help? (Junior sighs and helps his father)

(Further a head the Ice Dancers are rowing through Venice) 

Josee: Come on! We shall row to victory as effortlessly as a hummingbird in flight!

Jacques: Do you even know where we’re going?

Josee: No, but I’m keeping positive and waiting for victory to bestow itself upon us like the crown of Siegfried.

Jacques: Where do you get these expressions from? A romantic era poetry book?

Josee: As a matter of fact yes. (Holds the book up)

(Meanwhile the animanaics and the anime nerds get into their gondolas)

Jordan: What’s the plan?

May: Let me lead then follow it.

Fabian: Then lead the way Sinbad. (The anime nerds start rowing followed by the animaniacs)

(Back at the cathedral the dragon, the mermaid, and the jester take off their masks to reveal……Nekota, Yves, and Noah respectively)

Don: Gym rats, models, and reality pros, you can all leave. (They leave to get their tips)

Leo: Wait, it’s so obvious I don’t know why I didn’t see before. I choose the doll.

(The doll takes off its mask to reveal……Annie)

Annie: I knew you’d find me eventually.

Don: Brother and sister, you can leave. (They run towards the costumed man) With over half the teams done with the first part of the challenge, the teams remaining better guess quicker if they don’t want to be the last team at the chill zone.

(Up ahead the gym rats are in their gondola about to leave but are seen looking around)

Nekota: I don’t see the ice dancers anywhere.

Gabriella: Maybe they’re not here yet?

Nekota: That’s impossible they left way before us.

Gabriella: Maybe we should wait just a little while longer.

Nekota: Nah, I think we should just go, they probably left already.

Gabriella: But we’re in an alliance, they wouldn’t just leave us behind, would they?

Nekota: I don’t know but, we can’t be in the alliance if we get eliminated, let’s just row a head and meet them at the chill zone.

Gabriella: Well ok. (They head off)

(Further up ahead the geniuses are being tailed by the animaniacs and the anime nerds)

Ellody: It appears as though we are being followed.

Mary: Well that should be expected, we are the smartest team so it’s only natural people would follow us like arctic terns on their migratory path. Just let them follow, there’s no harm in it.

Ellody: Fine.

Jordan: Why are we following those two? I thought you were the brains of our alliance.

May: I know but sometimes it’s better to have second opinion on these things, and they ARE the geniuses.

Sam: Play smart, not hard. 

Jordan: Fine.

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: Tell me you don’t think the alliance is bust.  
\---> Jordan: It’s not that, it’s that I feel lazy and unproductive. Remember I said I didn’t want to freeload our way to the top.  
\---> Fabian: Oh, have a little faith.

(Back at the cathedral)

Taylor: I choose the queen.

Chet: I choose the king. 

(The queen and king take off the masks to reveal…… June was the queen and Laurie was the king)

Taylor: I was wrong again?!

Chet: Damn it!

Quince: Of course, why couldn’t I see it? June would obviously choose the one with the most power.

June: Let’s cheese it. (The Julliard students and the Vegans run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Miles: That king costume was most unbecoming of you, why would you choose a symbol of the abuse of power, masculinity, wealth, and resources?  
\---> Laurie: There weren’t any nature themed costumes and that was the only one remaining, but I felt important wearing it.  
\---> Miles: (shaking her) Don’t give into the power, that type of feeling destroys the environment!

Don: Do you own your own place of residence?

(The sultan and the pirate raise the O)

(Brody stumbles towards King Neptune)

Don: I’ll take that as choice, King Neptune remove your mask. (Neptune takes off his mask to reveal….Geoff)

Geoff: Sweet, come on man let’s go. (Takes Brody by the hand then leaves)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: I was so worried Brody wasn’t gonna recognize me, his brain’s still kind of fried from last challenge. So I’m gonna have to be the one to take lead this challenge, but we still got this right? (Pats him on the back but gets shocked) Damn, keep forgetting about that.

Sanders: I choose the pirate. (Pirate removes its mask to reveal….MacArthur) Yes!

MacArthur: Took you long enough. Let’s jet. (They leave)

Tom: Wait, I should’ve realized this sooner. Jen’s Princess Jasmine. (Arabian princess takes off her mask to reveal…..Jen) Yes! I’m right, just like always! (They leave)

Don: Almost everyone’s left or are rowing the gondolas. Our remaining teams better hurry up.

(Meanwhile out in Venice)

Owen: (paying money to someone in a window who gives him a pizza) Thank you! (Opens up pizza box and starts eating it) Man can you believe row-through restaurants are a thing out here?

Noah: Nope.

Owen: Want some? (Offers slice)

Noah: Just row! (Owen and Noah start rowing furiously)

Don: Would you describe yourself as a physically active person? 

(Only the samurai raises O)

Stephanie: Wait! Stop! I choose the samurai (Samurai prepares to take off mask/helmet) No wait! I mean the Viking (Viking prepares to take off mask/helmet) No! I-I do mean the samurai! (Samurai takes off mask/helmet to reveal….Ryan) Yes! Come on baby let’s go! (Ryan carries her on his shoulders then runs off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Baby I’m sorry it took so long to find you but it’s not my fault this costume hides your perfectly chiseled features. (Begins stroking his face) Maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought.   
\---> Ryan: Babe, we know each other plenty. Like how I know you want “Crazy in love” and the soundtrack to “Empire” to play at your wedding, or how you admire Eryka Badhu and Marina and the Diamonds, or how you love to watch sunsets on cloudy days cause it looks like the world is going to end but you find the colors so beautiful.  
\---> Stephanie (genuinely touched): Kiss me! (They start making out, again)

Kitty: After a lot of hard thinking I say…. My sister is within the devil. (Devil takes off its mask to reveal…. Emma) Yes!

Emma: About time, now let’s hightail it! (They run off)

Spud: Wait, what are we doing again?

Don: You need to guess which costume your partner is under.

Spud: Oh easy, that’s Rock under the Viking. (Viking takes off its mask/helmet to reveal……Rock)

Rock: Nice job man, but could you do it a little quicker next time? (They leave)

Don: With only two teams left, how about you two take a wild guess? Either way you’ll both be allowed to go.

Taylor: Fine, I choose Ali Baba.

Chet: Hey! I was gonna choose that, well then I guess I choose Santa. (The sultan and Santa take off their masks to reveal……Kelly underneath the sultan and Lorenzo as Santa)

Don: Finally everyone is done, with any luck I’ll see you at the chill zone. (Don leaves while both teams go to get their tips)

(Out in Venice the gym rats catch up with the ice dancers)

Gabriella: Hi guys! (Waves at them)

Josee: (half assed) Oh, hi. (Waves back)

Nekota: Is there a reason why you two didn’t wait for us? We are in an alliance together.

Jacques: Sorry but Josee insisted we go ahead.

Josee: Victory waits for no one, you go out and grab it on your own. 

Gabriella: Well, that kind of compromises the promise you made to us, but I guess that since we caught up with you we can search for the chill zone together.

Josee: Very well, off to gold and glory! (Ice dancer’s row ahead followed shortly behind by the gym rats)

Don: (standing at the chillzone in the piazza) No teams have arrived, meaning 1st place is open to anyone. Good, more alone time for me. (Starts drinking a martini)

(A montage of the teams traveling through Venice is shown to pass time. Tarantella music plays. The Ice dancers are effortlessly rowing through Venice trying to shake off the gym rats but the gym rats keep pace. Owen continues eating pizza and pasta while Noah looks annoyed doing most of the rowing. Kitty stops to take a selfie with Emma who looks annoyed. Dwayne and Junior are rowing until Junior sees a low hanging bridge and ducks, his father has his back turned and doesn’t notice the bridge and gets knocked over the boat, he asks Junior to help him out of the water. Tom and Jen are seen following a pair of shoes, the woman wearing those shoes notices the bloggers and starts running away but they just row quicker to follow her. The daters imitate that iconic old fashioned rowboat date image with Ryan rowing and Stephanie holding a parasol, don’t ask where she got it. The rockers take some time to play their oars like they’re guitars. The animaniacs and anime nerds are still following the geniuses. Sam puts on an impromptu performance of The Pirates of Penzance, all 3 of them laugh while Ellody and Mary just seem weirded out. Annie is seen petting ducks and other waterfowl while Leo wants them to continue rowing. Geoff rows casually while Brody just sits in the back still dazed and confused. Yves takes photos while Aaryn stops to pose in them. The vegans meditate while waterfowl surround them. Dani and Syd get coffee from a row through café. June is rowing intensely while Quince stands in the back of the gondola bored at being told not to do anything. Chet and Lorenzo are seen rowing in circles because they can’t agree which direction to row down. Crimson and Ennui row stoically. MacArthur notices someone littering by accident and takes command of the gondola to arrest him, he runs while Sanders tries to calm her down but she shrugs her off and chases him. It's been an hour since the last team left.)

Don: (voice) After an hour of rowing, no one’s still here, but that may soon change, or not. (Kelly and Taylor are seen rowing with Kelly doing most of the work) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: We’re kind of tied for last because my mom choose a really sucky costume, seriously why didn’t you wear something cuter?   
\---> Kelly: Well I saw the Sultan and I just thought “why not?” And us leaving last made me realize how much you and need to spend time together and get to know each other better.  
\---> Taylor: I think we know each other fine.  
\---> Kelly: When’s my birthday?  
\---> Taylor: November 4.  
\---> Kelly: December 4.  
\---> Taylor: Eh, close enough.

(Confessional)  
\---> Chet: It’s your fault we’re in last place AND you ruined Santa clause for me. Thanks a lot, toe rag! (Pushes him)  
\---> Lorenzo: Not my fault you’re a horrible guesser, ignoramus! (Pushes him back, Chet tackles him and they start fighting, again.)

Nekota: Man I didn’t think this would be so difficult. Are we any closer to the chill zone?

Gabriella: I see a tower! (Points to tower) That’s got to be it! (Both teams row towards the direction of the tower with the gym rats rowing slightly ahead of the Ice Dancers) Victory here…

(Josee uses her oar to knock Gabriella and Nekota into the water)

Josee: We come! (They row ahead of them vigorously, Gabriella and Nekota emerge from the water)

Gabriella: Oh, very funny Josee, now could you help us out? (The Ice dancers can hear her but choose to ignore her and row ahead) They’re not stopping. (Her look changes to one of hell bent revenge)

Nekota: Ok, we just need to get back on the boat and (Notices Gabriella is swimming towards the ice dancers viciously) Oh, no.

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: This isn’t good, when Gabriella gets angry she gets even. Once some guy tried to mug her, he got put in the trauma unit and she had to pay a fine for assault and battery. 

Gabriella: SHE NEEDS TO PAY!! (Nekota catches up to her and grabs ahold of her)

Nekota: Don’t do it! It’s just not worth it! (Gabriella starts growling viciously like a dog for a few moments before calming down) That’s it calm down baby, its ok. Let’s just swim ahead and get to the chillzone and then sort this whole mess out ok? (Gabriella nods and they swim ahead)

(Josee and Jacques park their Gondola at the dock and then climb up to the plaza looking around for the chillzone. Gabriella and Nekota make it to the dock and also start searching)

(Meanwhile out in Venice, Owen has gotten more food and his half of the gondola is slightly sinking into the water while Noah’s half is high in the air)

Noah: Dude, you made the backside too heavy, move closer to the middle that’ll balance it out! (Owen moves to the middle and the Gondola is back to normal) Finally! Now, (hands him an oar) eat later and get back to rowing. (Both paddle)

Dwayne: You gotta admit Junior this place is amazing. You don’t have places like this in Ottawa.

Junior: I guess not. (Sniffs the air) The food here smells amazing, hey after we get to the chillzone can we get something to eat?

Dwayne: Sure, you think they have Olive Garden here? (Junior face palms)

Devin: Man can you imagine going to work and commuting in this town? Must be a whole different level of traffic and hazards to deal with here.

Carrie: Yeah, but I guess the people here are used to it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Devin: Yeah, can’t imagine what it’s like when a typhoon hits though.

Laurie: I just love it here, people in harmony with water and using nature to their advantage rather than stamping it out with paved roads and not a car insight.

Miles: I know, hey if we win let’s start a campaign to get more waterways and gondolas into urban areas to cut down on greenhouse gas. 

Laurie: Totally, you can just feel the respect for the environment here. (From a window up above someone dumps their garbage on the Vegan’s heads and into their boat.)

Ryan: We’re doing great I just feel it.

Stephanie: When we’re done here let’s go have some tiramisu.

Ryan: Good idea.

Sam: (sings) But still for matters vegetable, animal, and mineral. He is the very model of a modern major general. 

Fabian/Jordan/May: (clap)

Sam: Any other requests?

Fabian: “Dreams come true” by Brandon Flowers.

Sam: Ah, a good one. (sings) Highway was teasing me with promises and visons….. (Up ahead in the geniuses’ boat)

Ellody: He’s been singing non-stop for the past hour. 

Mary: You must admit, he’s got great endurance and a lovely singing voice, I’ve actually been entertained by his singing for the past hour, it certainly makes this whole challenge less monotonous. 

Ellody: Yes it is nice to have some music to listen to while we row, but focus back on the challenge.

(The models are talking to the fashion bloggers)

Jen: Wait you seriously had to pose with a rhinoceros?

Yves: Well it wasn't my choice but Kristie won the mini challenge so she got to pick who posed with what. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to pull it off by pulling out my inner nymph for the shoot. And it only served to bite Kristie in the butt when I placed higher than her.

Jen: Wow, girl you are brave, I don’t know many other people that would pose with two angry tons of temperamental game animal. 

Aaryn: I was just thankful that thing didn’t charge. 

Yves: I was thankful the wolves you were posing with didn’t turn savage.

Tom: Well did either of you win the show?

Yves: Neither of us won in our respective gender categories. But I was 2nd place while Kristie was 3rd. And if I had to lose to anyone I’m glad it was Nargis.

Aaryn: I was also 2nd place but Avishai’s a great guy, he really deserved it.

Jen: I just love having someone to talk fashion with, it’s so comforting.

Yves: Well as much fun as it has been talking we should really be headed to the chillzone, see you there, hopefully. 

Tom: Vedere voi ragazzi tardi!

Jen: Addio! (They sail off in a different direction. The models bump into mother/son)

Yves: Oh hey how are things going between you two?

Dani: Oh just great! I love it here it’s just so cosmopolitan. Right Syd honey?

Syd: (distracted by Aaryn) Oh, uh yeah.

Dani: I’ve been wanting to go here ever since I was 18, and here I am now. Oh, I wish I could take a real vacation here. Or at least soak in some of the culture here.

Aaryn: Well how about when we get to the chillzone we take you two shopping?

Dani: Really? 

Yves: Totally, we know how to shop in foreign languages.

Dani: Oh my god, a trip to Venice and a personal shopper? I must be dreaming, well what do you think Syd? (Syd’s looking at Aaryn again) Syd?

Syd: Oh yeah, I’d love to go shopping. (Under his breath) Not that I need anything.

Aaryn: Great follow us. (All 4 head off in the same direction)

Geoff: Come on bro, we’re doing great. (Brody is still paddling weakly) And I think you’re starting to regain some brain matter, keep it up man. (Pats him on the back and gets electrocuted) Damn, I keep forgetting about that.

MacArthur: Man, I love it out here! The wind on your face, the water at your fingertips, the smell of the sea, and all the cannoli’s you can eat. (Scarfs several) 

Sanders: Hey can I have one? (Reaches to get one but MacArthur swats her hand away) Guess not.

MacArthur: When we graduate from the Academy, I’m gonna see if we can work on docks and ports, this is seriously fun.

(At the piazza, the Ice dancers see the chillzone and run straight to it.)

Don: Ice dancers, you get 1st place again. (They blow air kisses to the camera) And your prize is a cheese and wine tour of the Tuscan country side. 

Josee: Yes! We’ve proved once again that we are the superior team, and everyone else, especially those gym rats, can just suck it! (The camera pulls back to reveal Gabriella and Nekota are behind them and heard everything) Oh, hello.

Gabriella: So everything was a lie?!

Josee: Well yeah, no wait. (Ponders for a moment) Oh yeah, yeah, all of it was a lie. 

Jacques: I was surprised by how much of a gullible sap you both were. (Gabriella prepares to punch him but Nekota holds her back)

Nekota: Don’t do it, besides, we got 2nd place out of all this.

Don: Well, it’s probably not the best time for me to announce this but (A big 15:00 appears over their heads) you're getting a 15 minute penalty.

Gabriella: What?! What for?!

Don: You were supposed to row to the dock and then find the chillzone but you two swam the last ¼ mile here. (Gabriella and Nekota go over to the side to wait out their penalty)

Gabriella: Consider the alliance over!

Josee: It was over the moment it began.

Don: With 1st place taken and one team waiting for their penalty to end. The race for anything but last place heats up.

(Elsewhere)

Emma: Come on, row faster!

Kitty: I’m rowing as fast as I can!

Emma: I seriously doubt it. (They row faster)

Quince: Ah, can’t you just hear the Tuscan guitar and feel the pizzicato violins?

June: I want to feel victorious.

Quince: Oh come on, we should really take time to soak in the culture who knows when we’ll be here next?

June: When we win the million we can vacation here, now row! (They bump into another gondola which is revealed to contain the siblings)

Annie: Hi! Aren’t you just living for this city?

Quince: I know it just feels so, so picturesque, like something out of a children’s storybook. 

Annie: Or a dream. 

Leo: Well this has been nice meeting you again but we really gotta get going.

Annie: Wanna follow us?

June: Do you know where you’re going?

Leo: Do you?

June: Fair enough, lead the way. (They follow Annie and Leo)

Don: (Mary and Ellody arrive) Geniuses, you're in second place. (They smile)

(Confessional)  
\---> Mary: Was there ever any doubt? 

Don: Animanaics you get 3rd and Anime nerds get 4th. (They all high five, except for Fabian who puts his forehead to their palms.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: We’re killing it!  
\---> Jordan: I guess we are.

Don: (Devin and Carrie show up) 5th!

Carrie: Yeah! (Hugs Devin) Oh sorry.

Devin: Nah, its fine, wanna go hang out?

Carrie: Sure! (They leave)

Don: Gym rats. (Points to Gabriella and Nekota) Your time is up! 6th place!

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: I hope the ice dancers realize they just made a new enemy.  
\---> Nekota: Hey channel that rage into performing well, not into vengeance.

Don: (Leo and Annie arrive) 7th! (June and Quince arrive) 8th! (MacArthur and Sanders arrive) 9th! (Emma and Kitty make it) 10th! (Aaryn and Yves arrive) 11th! (Dani and Syd arrive) 12th! 

Aaryn: Can we all go somewhere else now? 

Don: Sure. Just be back here by the pre-determined time as stated in the rules you read for the season. 

Dani: Well let’s go shopping everyone! (The four of them head off)

Don: (Dwayne and Junior make it) 13th! (Ryan and Stephanie make it) 14th! (Tom and Jen arrive) 15th! (Kelly and Taylor arrive) 16th! (Geoff and Brody make it) 17th! (Crimson and Ennui arrive) 18th! (Laurie and Miles arrive) 19th! (Rock and Spud show up) 20th! Only two teams left, it’s between the Stepbrothers and the reality tv pros, who’s going home? 

(Noah is still doing most of the paddling)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: We got sidetracked because Owen wouldn’t stop shopping for food.  
\---> Owen: What? When am I going to have a taste of authentic Italian again? (Noah looks at him sternly)

(Owen scarfs down the last of his food and starts paddling furiously)

Noah: About time man! 

(In Chet and Lorenzo’s gondola)

Chet: I see the piazza! I guess you’re smarter than you look dip stick!

Lorenzo: See I’m the better navigator! If we put me in charge from the beginning we’d been at the chill zone already. (Notices Owen and Noah) Crap! Move it! (They paddle faster) 

(Both teams reach the dock and start searching for the piazza) 

Don: Both teams are in a neck and neck as they race for that special 21st spot, who’s it gonna be!? (The Stepbrothers and the Reality Tv pros slowly inch out each other little by little until…… Owen and Noah get to the chillzone first) Reality Pros, you narrowly avoid elimination again! (Owen hugs Noah tightly out of joy, Noah tries to escape and breathe.) Chet & Lorenzo I’m afraid… 

Chet: Thanks a lot nematode! We got eliminated because of you!

Lorenzo: Oh like it’s my fault! Well at least we can go back home and I can start ignoring you again! 

Don: As I was saying. I’m afraid we haven’t seen the last of you two cause this is a non-elimination round! You’re still in the running for the $1 million. (Everyone gasps)

Chet: Well good cause I still think we can win, even if I have to continue to put up with you!

Lorenzo: Well I wasn’t done yet anyway, and if we do win I’m getting a larger cut of the money!

Chet: Like hell you are!

Lorenzo: Wanna fight for who gets the larger cut?!

Chet: Ladies first! (Lorenzo tackles him and they start wrestling, again) 

Don: Well anyways that ends this part of the race. Will Owen’s love of food do his team in? Will Gabriella get back at the Ice Dancers? Will the step brothers ever stop fighting? And where will we go next? Stay tuned to find out, only on the ridonculous race! 

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My main reason for writing this episode was because I thought it was highly illogical for the contestants to drive a speedboat from the Mediterranean Sea to Iceland so I made Venice as a midway point and I've always wanted to go there. This was my 1st original episode and I gotta say I had a lot of fun writing it but I also realized a few pitfalls I will face in writing future fanon episodes, like character dialogue and interactions. I also realized the issue of team placement, it's just as important who comes in 2nd to last as who comes in 1st and last. In an earlier draft of the story I eliminated Owen and Noah but I thought that was kind of stupid so I made Chet & Lorenzo the losers, which would really make sense considering the events of last episode. However it's a non-elimination round so they live to fight another day. I really liked the costume challenge I made, I thought it was really creative. I gotta say my favorite joke this episode was the person who dumped garbage on Laurie and Miles with Don's dig at Jacques & Josee being silver medalists a close 2nd 
> 
> Rankings:   
> Jacques & Josee (1st Place)   
> Mary & Ellody (2nd Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (3rd Place)  
> Sam & May (4th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (5th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (6th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (7th Place)  
> June & Quince (8th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (9th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (10th Place)   
> Aaryn & Yves (11th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (12th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (13th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (15th Place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (16th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (17th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (18th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (19th Place)  
> Rock & Spud (20th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (21st Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (22nd Place)
> 
> Placements:  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	7. Bjorken Telephone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The competitors head up north to Iceland, where they learn that speaking the language and eating the food here is a local thing for a reason.

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams played dress up and then toured the majestic water ways of Venice. Gabriella formed a short lived alliance with the Ice Dancers, who promptly betrayed her to take first place and she swore revenge. Two teams leeched off the geniuses, Sam became a one man show and Owen enjoyed his own culinary tour of the city. Between the Stepbrothers and the reality pros, the brothers lost, but thankfully for them it was a non-elimination round. Who’s gonna bite the dust this week? Find out here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don stands in front of the chill zone from yesterday at the Piazza San Marco. The Ice Dancers approach the don box)

Don: Welcome back to Venice. The first team to depart today will be the Ice Dancers. (Josee and Jacques walk up to the Don Box showing off.) Who apparently need a lesson in modesty and humility.

Josee: Humility is for the untalented! (Presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Go the Marco Polo airport then book a seat on the next flight to Reykjavik.

Don: (appears in a slideshow of Iceland) Though more green than Greenland, it’s still cold as hell here. My walnuts are frozen solid. (He pulls out a bag of walnuts) Man can you believe they sell these here? And so many for such a low price it’s practically a steal. Anyway, two flights leave each carrying 11 teams with the 2nd leaving 30 minutes later. Once teams get to the airport they’ll have to look around for the don box and their next tip. 

(All the teams race for the airport. They eventually arrive there and race for the first flight. Leo/Annie, Josee/Jacques, May/Sam, Jordan/Fabian, MacArthur/Sanders, June/Quince, Aaryn/Yves, Emma/Kitty, Mary/Ellody, Devin/Carrie, and Gabriella/Nekota manage to get on the first flight and shut the door as soon as they get in)

Don: (voice) As teams board the first flight, the remaining eleven teams must wait to get on the second flight. (Dani/Syd, Dwayne/Junior, Tom/Jen, Geoff/Brody, Chet/Lorenzo, Rock/Spud, Ryan/Stephanie, Owen/ Noah, Laurie/Miles, Crimson/Ennui, and Kelly/Taylor wait for their flight to leave)

(Much, much later flight number one lands while Flight number two is still in the air. All the contestants on flight number one exit the plane.) 

Don: (voice) After 6 hours of flying, flight number one has reached the Icelandic destination as flight number two is thirty minutes away. (The 11 teams from flight number one reach the airport and they race for the tip. Josee and Jacques race for the first tip and succeed) 

Josee: (presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Take a bus to the geyser fields in Skaftafell and locate the Don Box. (To Jacques) Hurry! (They run off)

Don: (appears in a slides show of Skaftafell) The geysers of Skaftafell are part of an active volcano that lies under a skimpy twenty centimeters of siliceous cinter. Whatever that is. Sounds dangerous though. (Walks off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Winning and getting another taste of gold is amazing. We hope to be at the top of the podium from here on out.  
\---> Jacques: And I love the taste of gold in the morning! 

Jacques: Hurry! Where's the bus? We're going to lose our lead! Huh?

(They look back and see the other 10 teams)

Jacques: (she and Josee glare) Don't even think about getting on the bus before us!

MacArthur: (glares) You can't stop me from thinking it! Get out of my head! 

Jacques: Oh yeah?!

MacArthur: Yeah! (The bus arrives)

Leo: Guys, we gotta go.

MacArthur: (she and Sanders hop on) Later skaters!

Josee: Get on! (She and Jacques get on last and the bus leaves)

(The second plane lands and everyone gets off)

Don: (Dani and Syd grab a tip) As our first teams get on the bus more teams grab their tips, but for others the fear and panic is clearly visible on their faces! (Crimson and Ennui are neither afraid nor panicking) Come on guys! Give me something! (Laurie and miles run to get a tip but unknowingly step on a spider)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: I’m super optimistic about our chances right now.  
\---> Miles: I know. We’re proving you can race without hurting anyone or anything.

(Meanwhile on the bus)

Kitty: (notices Emma's upset) Is something the matter Emma?

Emma: I just hate how we never make it past tenth place.

Kitty: But this is a competition with twenty-two teams in it, which makes us better than half the teams.

Emma: Doesn't matter. We need to step up our game.

(Bus number one has just arrived at the geyser field and everyone gets off the bus)

Sanders: There's the Don Box! (Presses the button and read the tip) It's an All-In. Broken Icelandic Telephone?

Don: For this All-In, teams need to hold down the button on this speaker box to hear me say "Please give me my next travel tip" in Icelandic with perfect pronunciation. (Presses the button and you hear Don say "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending") Then the teams must travel across the geo-thermal geysers and repeat the sentence to this Icelandic local. (A woman in a swan dress is seen as Don gasps) Sweet Sisters of Odette! What are you wearing?! (The swan quacks) Creepy. Anyways, say the sentence right and you get a tip. Say it wrong and you have to go all the way back across the geyser fields to hear the sentence again. 

MacArthur: Open your ears, here it comes. (Presses the button and they hear the recording) Move it! (They head off as Leo and Annie press and hear the recording)

Annie: Let’s go! (Runs off ahead)

Leo: Hey come back! I think we should listen to it one more time! (Runs off to catch up with her. A geyser blows up right in front of him) Whoa, Momma! 

MacArthur: (sees what happened) Wow this is dangerous! I love it!

Sanders: You're beginning to concern me! (They continue to run)

Don: (voice) Meanwhile, eleven more teams head for the geyser fields.

(On the bus)

Brody: Dude, I just want to say I’m sorry I was of no help yesterday.

Geoff: No problem man, I knew you we’re completely out of it.

Brody: I promise today I’ll double time it. 

Geoff: (they fist bump) That’s what I like to hear! 

(Back the geysers) 

Carrie: (they're listening to the recording) You got that homie?

Devin: Totally! Let’s move!

Gabriella: (presses the button and listens) Ok, let’s kick it into overdrive.

Nekota: I think we should listen to the recording again, just for clarity.

Gabriella: Clarity isn’t going to beat the Ice Dancers. (Drags him along)

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: After the Ice Dancers double crossed us last time, Gabriella’s been a little obsessed with beating them.  
\---> Gabriella: Isn’t the overall goal of this game to beat all the other teams?  
\---> Nekota: Technically yes, but you’re taking it the wrong way.  
\---> Gabriella: I don’t care! Yuki Onna and Jokul Frosti will pay! Mark my word!

May: Ok, let’s listen to it a few times and then we go, everyone listen carefully. (She presses it and they listen) Ok, let’s do it again. (Fabian runs off into the field repeating the phrase to himself constantly) Dude! Wait up! 

Sam: Should we go after him?

Jordan: No, let’s listen to the recording a few more times then go! (May presses the button and they listen again)

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: I know I should wait for my team but in my experience it’s better to just get something over and done with, especially when it’s this dangerous. It’s how I run through haunted houses, well that and my iPod full of dream pop, and it’s how me, May and Sam conquered the labyrinth of Fear Factory, we won $42,000 and we stopped the curse of the unnatural history museum by finding the ankh of Osiris.

Ellody: Want to hear it again? (Notices the 2nd bus has arrived)

Mary: No time, let’s go (They run off)

Don: (voice as the eleven teams from bus two exit the bus) As teams from bus two reach the geyser fields, teams from bus one better hustle. 

(Dani and Syd tap the button, listen to it and run quickly)

Junior: I'll tap the button. (Goes to touch the button but Dwayne stops him and takes him to the geyser fields.) What are you doing dad?

Dwayne: Don't worry. I heard it from the last team here. We'll be fine. (Junior appears worried)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: My mind is a steel-strap. Nothing escapes me.  
\---> Junior: Really? When's my birthday?  
\---> Dwayne: Summertime?  
\---> Junior: (deadpan) October. Anyways, shouldn't we listen to the recording again?  
\---> Dwayne: Don't worry, soon we'll be talking to that beautiful swan lady. (Smiles then realizes what he just said) Uhhhhh, honey I love you!

(Jacques and Josee and approach and exploding geyser, once it settled they leap over it effortlessly. It explodes as Dwayne and Junior approach it, once it’s clear they jump over it until it explodes again sending them flying) 

(Back at the box Owen and Noah are listening to the recording)

Owen: I’d like wonton soup, garlic shrimp, rice, house noodles and eggrolls please. 

Noah: (rolls his eyes) Come on!

Josee: (as people are running through the geysers the Ice Dancers are literally jumping over the competition and reach the local) Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (The local nods and gives them the tip) Take the helicopter to Skaftafell National Park and find the Don Box! (She and Jacques run into the helicopter waiting to transport them)

Don: (voice) The Ice Dancers may have the lead but they must wait for ten more teams as the helicopters will only take off when they have eleven teams.

Ennui: (he and Crimson walk calmly as geysers erupt near them) Beautiful day, isn't it.

Crimson: Quite. (They continue to walk)

(The Julliard students are seen running but a geyser erupts in front of them. When it stops, June masterfully jumps over it. It erupts again and Quince tries to jump over, only to get blasted sky high. June sees him land far off in the distance and goes to help him) 

Rock: (Spud's listening to music) Yo Spud, we need to talk. We really need to step up our game. 

Spud: (takes off his headphones) Huh? You say something? I wasn't listening.

Rock: Listen to the recording, can you do that?

Spud: Sure. (Rock presses the tip and the both listen to it)

(Out in the fields Jordan, Sam, and May are looking for Fabian)

Sam: Where is he?

May: You know he can travel far, if he put his mind to it and actually enjoyed sports he’d probably be a great short distance runner.

Jordan: There he is! (Points to him running off in the distance) Run! (They all head in that direction) 

Emma: Vinsamlegast gefa.......Ummm.... (Having a hard time remembering it)....

Kitty: (jumps in) mer mina travel abending! (The local nods and gives them the tip)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: You interrupted me and almost made us lose!  
\---> Kitty: But I got it right.  
\---> Emma: Yeah, this time. Next time you want to help, don't.  
\---> Kitty: (smirks) Okay.

Dwayne: (tries) Vinsamlegast gefa mer minda scoobidy doo? (Junior face palms) Well, you gotta admit your language is pretty darn ridiculous. (The local slaps Dwayne)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: I cannot be expected to remember something I only heard once.  
\---> Junior: W-WHAT?! You have got to be kidding me!

(Father and son run back)

Laurie: (she and Miles arrive) Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (They get the tip) Yay, Thanks! (She and Miles run to the chopper)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: We had to get it right. We didn't want to be culturally insensitive.  
\---> Miles: Yeah, that's how wars start.  
\---> Laurie: And war is bad.

(The police cadets and the daters are seen running through the geyser fields. MacArthur jumps over one geyser but it explodes as Sanders jumps over it sending her flying and then she hits the ground)

Sanders: I’m ok, just let me… (MacArthur picks her up and carries her) Whoa!

Owen: (he’s stuck in a geyser) Uh oh! I'm stuck! Tell my parents I lived a good life!

Noah: (trying to help him) Dude, they're watching as we speak. 

Owen: Oh yeah. (Waves to the TV) Hi mom! Hi dad! (Noah continues to try to push him out. The geyser explodes sending Owen and Noah flying in the air. Owen lands with his head stuck in another geyser and Noah struggles to pull him out again)

(The fashion bloggers and the models are seen running for their lives through the geysers. Jen screams so loud it cracks a camera)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Geysers are hot water. This top is cold wash only!  
\---> Tom: Nobody told us there’d be real danger involved!

(Confessional)  
\---> Yves: I love Tom and Jen, but I think all their excessive screaming gave Aaryn temporarily hearing loss.  
\---> Aaryn: (shouting) What about Def Leppard?!  
\---> Yves: I guess I’m going to have to take the lead, again.

Mary: This place would be heaven for a geology major.

Ellody: Yes, but our interests lie within the stars, not here on earth.

(Leo and Annie are seen running)

Annie: Oh isn’t this place just grand? So lovely, so earthen, so magical. It’s like New Zealand, the perfect setting for a fantasy film. Why aren’t more films made about this land’s great beauty?

Leo: I’m pretty sure it’s because it’s so cold here the film reels would freeze and we’re practically walking over a battle field.

Annie: Hey did you know that this country has churches and universities dedicated to the study and worship of elves and fair folk? 

Leo: I guess you do have to believe in something pretty crazy to live in a pretty crazy place. 

Gabriella: (she and Nekota stop) Where’s the local?

Nekota: Maybe we ran the wrong way?

Gabriella: No we went in straight line I’m certain of it. (Walks forward a little until a small geyser erupts in front of her, startling her and making her run far off to the side) Oh, that probably explains it.

Nekota: Well, let’s run back to the starting line to hear the saying because it’s kind of lost in my memory right now. 

Gabriella: Fair enough. (They run back)

Carrie: (she and Devin get it right and head to the chopper) We did it! (Shivers) Wow it's really cold!

Devin: Y-yeah. This reminds me of that time Shelly locked me outside the car because I got her the wrong tea.

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: He got frostbite and nearly lost three toes out there. He deserves way better than her! Even a rabid goat deserves better! 

Ennui: (notices Taylor sitting there alone) Are you done?

Taylor: No, my mom got the sentence wrong so I made her go back by herself. 

Crimson: Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (They get the tip and pass a very shocked Taylor)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: Most of our favorite bands are from Iceland so yeah, we can speak the language.  
\---> Ennui: We're so cool.

Mary: Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (They get the tip)

Ellody: Quite stupendous of you.

Mary: Indeed. (They head off)

Fabian: (Comes running in and stops to speak to the local repeatedly shouting) Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending! Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending! Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending!

May: Stop! (Turns around to see Jordan, Sam, and May behind him)

Fabian: Oh hey guys. Sorry for running off but on the bright side (The local gives him the tip) Jordan we can go!

Jordan: Meet you guys there, hopefully.

Sam: Oh, this won’t take long at all. (Both he and May walk up to the local and simultaneously say…)

Sam/May: Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (The local gives them the tip)

Sam: Let’s vamoose! (They all run off to the helicopter)

(Father and Son get back to voice box and press it again to listen to it)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: This time I’ll remember it.  
\---> Junior: Sure.

(Back at the local Chet and Lorenzo are arguing again)

Chet: I memorized the 1st half, you were supposed to memorize the 2nd half! (Pushes him but Lorenzo pushes back)

Lorenzo: Other way around butt stain! (They both get up in their faces until the local pushes them both back)

(Confessional)  
\---> Chet: That girl is so into me.  
\---> Lorenzo: You wish, she was into me!  
\---> Chet: You’re the one who needs to wake up!

(The models and the bloggers arrive)

Jen: Is that an original Petroki? Fierce!

Tom: It also doesn’t hurt that you have the body to pull it off, seriously! (The local is flattered and just gives them their tip. Aaryn and Yves are next)

Yves: Do you remember the phrase?

Aaryn: (shouting) What?!

Yves: Yeah that figures. (Hesitantly) Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending? (The local gives them the tip) Thank goodness! (They run off)

Don: (voice) As the Bloggers and the Models enter the first chopper, only one spot remains.

(A montage ensues. Kelly is shown listening to the massage at the exact time the stepbrothers arrive to do just that. Noah speaks to the local but she sends them back. She then gives the police cadets their tip and they board the helicopter)

Ryan: (he's carrying Stephanie on his shoulder as they reach the local) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: I memorized the 1st half of the sentence while Stephanie took the second half.  
\---> Stephanie: We share everything. Except French fries. (Looks to him menacingly) Don’t ever touch my fries! 

Ryan: Vinsamlegast gefa mer-

Stephanie: (continues) mina travel ablendeering. (The local shakes her head) What?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: (comforting Stephanie) It was abending. You were so close.  
\---> Stephanie: (growls) I know! Don't tell me what I know! Relationships are about perfection, not close enough! (She walks off leaving a confused Ryan)

Leo: Vinsemelgast giffan mer minda travel aubending? (The local appears to disapprove)

Annie: Pretty, nokkuð vinsamlegast? (the local gives her the tip while Leo looks on stupified) þakka þér.

Leo: Where‘d you learn that? 

Annie: I‘ve learned how to say “please, hello, thank you, yes, no, and goodbye“ in over 27 diffrent languges.

Leo: Of course you did. (They run off)

Don: (voice) Brother and sister may have the tip but they’re going to have to wait, the first eleven teams are aloft and heading to the next Don Box as the other eleven teams are just trying to stay alive. 

(Kelly leaves as Stepahnie and Ryan come back to listen)

Rock: (notices Spud's foot is caught in a geyser) DUDE! Your foot's in a geyser!

Spud: Really? (Looks down) Wicked! (Rock pulls him out and they run)

Don: (voice) Who’s going to win? My money’s on the geysers, find out when we return to THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

(Commercial break)

Don: (voice) As some teams either wait for the next chopper or are still trying to cross the geyser fields alive, the top eleven teams land in Skaftafell National Park to receive their next tip.

Jacques: (he and everyone else on the chopper get off and reads the tip) It's an Either-Or. Feast or Fossil?

Don: In this Either-Or, teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils inside the frozen walls of this ice cave. Once finished, teams must bring their empty plate or fossil to the Chill Zone. The last team to arrive may be out of the race.

Josee: Easy, we're doing fossil. (They grab ice picks and run in the cavern)

Emma: Fossil. (She and Kitty follow the Ice Dancers as the Best Friends and Police Cadets join them in the ice cavern.)

(Crimson and Ennui see everyone going to the cave so they walk to the feast)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: All the other teams where doing the fossil thing so we didn’t, cause, whatever. 

Aaryn: (shouts) Let’s do the feast, I can’t taste anything remember?!

(Yves tries to talk to him but instead grabs a stick and starts writing in the dirt. It says “It’s an all-in, we both have to participate and even if it was a botch or watch I’d probably have to be the one to eat the feast”.)

Aaryn: (shouting) Oh, Fossil hunting it is then! (They both grab pitchforks)

Ennui: (They stand by the feast table next to Don) So what's on the menu?

Don: (lifts the tray showing all sorts of weird food) Putrefied shark, pickled herring, charred ram, broiled puffin and singed sheep head. Yezus! This is food!? (Notices their blank expressions) Ok, nice to know how you feel about that.

May: (Reading the tip) We aren’t exactly professional paleontologists and the feast is probably quicker…. Ah, who am I kidding even I don’t want to eat that crap. (Picks up a pick axe) Into the caves! (Everyone else follows her) 

(Back at the geysers, mother/son and the Jullaird students arrive at the local)

Syd: Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (Local gives him the tip)

Dani: Nice job sweetie!

Syd: I don’t see Aaryn anywhere, he must’ve left already.

Dani: Well let’s go. (They run to the plane) 

(Quince prepares to speak but June steps up)

June: I’ve got this! Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (Local gives her the tip) Yes!

Quince: You’re doing it again.

June: Doing what?

Quince: Putting yourself on a pedestal to make yourself look good and ignoring me completely.

June: Oh, well if the next challenge allows it, you can do it.

Quince: (sarcastically) Good to know. (They get on the chopper with mother/son and the siblings)

Dwayne: Vinsamlegast (Junior covers his mouth) 

Junior: gefa mer mina travel abending! (He gets the tip and runs off)

Dwayne: Hey! I would have got it that time!

Junior: Who cares? Let’s just go! (They run for the chopper while Dwayne looks a little steamed)

Annie: Isn’t this exciting we’re in first place!

Leo: On the second helicopter.

Annie: Still 1st place!

Dani: (To Syd) She’s so sweet, Ron Ben-Israel gave her the genius seal of approval. (They snicker)

(Taylor waits impatiently for her mother)

Stephanie: -mer mina travel abending. (She gets the tip) YEAH! (To Ryan) FIST BUMP! (Ryan raises his fist and finds she hits hard) YEAH! (Runs to the chopper)

Ryan: (his hand is a little messed up) Whoa. Little lady, strong punch. 

Rock: (he and Spud get the tip along with Gabriella/Nekota, Owen/Noah, and Chet/Lorenzo and hop on the chopper) ROCK N ROLL! 

Kitty: Smile! (She takes a selfie with a Sasquatch that smiles even though it's frozen in the ice)

Emma: (face palms) Seriously?

Jen: (she and Tom plus Yves and Aaryn walk carefully on the ice) W-whoa!

Josee: (he and Jacques skate pass them) Out of the way!

Jacques: We have a competition to win! 

Yves: (looks down to see they're not wearing skates) How are they doing that?! They're not even wearing skates!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Silly Yves. We can skate on ice with and without skates. That's what separates the losers from the winners.  
\---> Josee: And the winners will be us.

Sanders: (finds a fossil) A fossil!

MacArthur: (she hits it with an axe causing it to shatter) Whoa. You'd think that something a million years old would know how to take a punch, huh? (Sanders face palms)

(The Ice Dancers notice Laurie and Miles are using reiki energy on a fossil)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: We're using reiki energy to free the fossil.  
\---> Miles: But we can’t use too much or the fossil will come back to life.

(Kelly runs back to the local and meets up with Taylor)

Taylor: You better not get us sent home.

Kelly: (exhausted) Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending. (The local gives them the tip) Excellent! 

Taylor: Nice, way to not ruin everything. (Kelly leaves in a huff) Oh, come on it was a compliment!

(They leave and the surfer dudes enter the chopper last)

Emma: (has gotten a large chunk of ice with a fossil) Okay, this will keep it intact. Help me push. (She pushes weakly) 

Kitty: You told me not to help. (Takes a selfie)

Jordan: Ok May I need your help because I’m clueless.

Sam: (points) I see fossils. (Two fossils are in one huge block of ice)

May: Ok, you two hit here (pointing) while me and Sam hit here and the fossil should be relatively easy to extract. Once it’s out, Sam and Fabian, you two need to carry it.

Fabian: (sighs) Here goes nothing. (He and Jordan start hitting their point) 

Sam: In the name of John Henry, give me strength! (Starts striking his point as May joins him)

(Mary and Ellody are seen doing some calculations to properly extract their fossil from the ice)

Ellody: What era do you think it’s from?

Mary: I hope it’s Cretaceous. 

Don: (voice) As the remaining teams land, they must now choose between feast or fossil.

June: (while Quince is reading the tip) I will let you choose which task we do, but keep in mind: I’m a vegetarian.

Quince: I wanted to do fossil hunting anyway. Let’s go. (They run but cross paths with Leo and Annie)

June: Hey where are you going?

Leo: To the feast.

June: Seriously?

Leo: Yeah it can’t be that bad.

June: Weird.

Leo: Yeah because racing around the world on your tip toes is so normal. (June pirouettes away from him. In retaliation he does the same, June is genuinely impressed) 

Kelly: (Lorenzo/Chet, June/Quince, Dani/Syd, & Dwayne/Junior choose fossil. Ryan/Stephanie, Geoff/Brody, Gabriella/Nekota, Owen/Noah, Leo/Annie and Rock/Spud choose feast. Kelly/Taylor are undecided) So which one should we do?

Geoff: (Takes off the tray and sees the feast) Dude gnarly! 

Taylor: (picks up an axe) We should obviously do fossil. There's no way I'm eating that garbage. (Dwayne runs and grabs an axe, he then slips and falls, his screaming and crashing can be heard from outside. When he gets to the bottom he sees his pick axe coming straight at him. He screams as the axe lands only inches from his face. She and Kelly drop their axe.) Suddenly, I'm feeling hungry. (They run to the feast)

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: When you have a face as Chipotle as mine, there's no way you’d risk it over a stupid fossil. We'll eat the feast. 

Junior: (Runs to his father) Dad, are you ok?!

Dwayne: (gets up shaken) I’m fine, I used to do curling. We‘ve got this. (Struggles to move because he’s so shaken up)

(The teams doing the feast are shown eating. Crimson/Ennui are in the lead while everyone else lags behind.)

Brody: (Eating) Oh, man this is so gross!

Geoff: Come on man, we got this! It’s too late to stop know. (They continue eating)

(We see Nekota/Gabriella and Leo/Annie eating)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: The feast wasn’t our preferred choice but if we went fossil hunting we’d have to mingle with the ice dancers, and I’m ignoring them at all costs.  
\---> Nekota: At least the feast counts as paleo.

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: We honestly didn’t mind the feast. It wasn’t that bad.  
\---> Leo: Yeah, being raised by a Grandmother of Danish ancestry we grew up on all types of seafood.  
\---> Annie: And it’s just not Thanksgiving unless our cousin Alex brings home some wild game. Last time he brought elk but we’ve had sheep and goat before.  
\---> Leo: Still it was terribly under seasoned. 

Rock: (Spud isn't eating but instead listening to music) Come on! Eat Spud!

Spud: (takes off his headphones and looks at the food) No thanks, man. I'm not hungry.

Rock: (glares but suddenly gets an idea)

(Crimson and Ennui only have to eat the eyes. They literally show no emotions as they eat it and head to the Chill Zone. Everyone who watched this nearly hurls.) 

Brody: (grabs the tray and eats the rest of the food) Done! (He and Geoff run to the Chill Zone)

(At the Chill Zone)

Don: (Crimson and Ennui arrive) Goths, you're in 1st place. Your prize is this collection of Icelandic post rock albums by such artist like Sigur Ros, Amiina, Mum, For a Minor Reflection, and Solstafir (No response) You did good! (No response) You won! (Still no response) WOOHOO! (They just stare at him) Are you trying to ruin the show, because you are! (Walks off talking into his earpiece) I told you we shouldn't have added them.

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: As soon as the platter was clear I knew we we’re going to come in 1st. I'm so excited. I just can't hide it.  
\---> Ennui: I'm so excited I could just urinate.  
\---> Crimson: You just did.  
\---> Ennui: Whoops.

Don: (Geoff and Brody arrive) Surfer Dudes, you're in second place! (They fist bump)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: I knew we had this challenge in the bag. Brody's a human trash can. He'll eat anything.  
\---> Brody: Totally! (They fist bump yet again)

Don: (voice as teams are shown to be advancing in the challenges) As first and second place are gone, last place is up for grabs and no one wants that.

(Devin/Carrie, Ellody/Mary, Jordan/Fabian, Tom/Jen, Sam/May, and Josee/Jacques are hitting the ice with their ice picks to free their fossils. Lorenzo/Chet are practically attacking each other trying to reach their fossil. Dwayne/Junior, Dani/Syd, June/Quince, and Aaryn/Yves are still looking around.)

June: (notices a fossil) Finally! Start hammering! (She and Quince hammer away)

(Syd and Dani run into the models)

Syd: Oh hi.

Aaryn: (shouting) Hello!

Yves: He’s gone temporarily deaf.

Dani: Have you kids found a fossil yet?

Yves: No.

Syd: Well follow us, I’m smart, I can find things quick.

Aaryn: (shouting) What?!

Yves: Lead the way. (All four of them go in the same direction)

Laurie: (she and Miles have already gotten their fossil and pushing it out) Let's take a break and give homage to the fossil spirits. After all, we’ll be fossils ourselves one day. (She and Miles meditate while their fossil falls back into the cave)

Miles: (her eyes are closed) Ohhh..... Fossils...... (Opens her eyes to see the fossil disappearing) OH NO! Our fossil! (They chase after it.)

Dwayne: (the Vegans' fossil rolls up to them) Oh look, a fossil. Let’s take it.

Junior: Are you sure? This doesn’t seem right.

Dwayne: Well, it is just laying here and no one's claimed it yet so why not? (He and Junior push the fossil)

Stephanie: (grabs the intestine) Here goes nothing. (She starts eating it like a piece of spaghetti. So does Ryan. She and Ryan get closer when they eat and suddenly their lips touch. Ryan and Stephanie are kissing. They open their eyes. They quickly start making out again. Kelly and Taylor watch this, barely keeping their vomit down.)

Taylor: Seriously?! I’m already on high barf alert.

Kelly: Don't say barf! (Taylor and Kelly start hurling.)

(Noah and Owen have only their eye balls left.)

Noah: Don’t think just chew.

Owen: Eye! Eye! (Noah looks at him sternly)

Josee: (she and Jacques reach the Chill Zone with their fossil) Yes! We made it!

Don: Ice Dancers, third place!

Josee: (eye twitches) YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!!

Don: I’m not now please move. (They do as they’re told)

(Tom and Jen arrive carrying their fossil)

Don: Bloggers take 4th. (They squee)

(Leo/Annie and Gabriella/Nekota are almost done, save for their eyes.)

Annie: All that’s left are the eyes. (Prepares to eat but Leo just throws them away) Hey, what are you doing!?

Leo: If there’s a penalty we’ll take it. (Grabs the tray) Come on! (They run)

Nekota: Good thinking. (Also throws the eyes away) Let’s jet! (The gym rats leave)

(Owen and Noah arrive) 

Don: 5th! (They try not to vomit)

(In the caves MacArthur sees another fossil and prepares to strike but Sanders stops her.)

Sanders: Whoa, maybe I should take this one. 

Laurie: It’s no use we can’t find our fossil!

Miles: And I don't think we have time to reiki another one.

Laurie: Then we have no choice, we'll have to eat the feast.

Miles: WHAT?!

Laurie: I know but we have no time. We can't lose. (They run out of the cave to eat the feast)

Don: (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 6th place! 

Gabriella: Again? That's twice in a row. Weird. (They move off) 

Don: (Leo/Annie arrive) 7th place! 

Annie: Yay!

Don: (Stephanie and Ryan arrive still making out) Oh yes, celebrate the fact that you’re in 8th. (Kelly and Taylor arrive) Here’s 9th! But you get a 1 hour penalty. (A big 60:00 appears over their heads)

Taylor: Penalty?! We ate this trash just like you said! 

Don: Yes but when you got the Icelandic saying wrong only Kelly went back.

Taylor: I can’t believe this! (To her mom) You can’t let me do whatever I want! (Runs off in a huff)

Don: (Devin/Carrie arrive) 9th place! (They high 5) (Dwayne and Junior finally reach the chill zone) Father and Son you’re the 10th team here. (Both cheer)

Laurie: (looks at their fossil) Wait! That’s our fossil!

Junior: I knew something was wrong about this.

Dwayne: (Pushing it back) Fine, here you go, well try again. (Don stops him)

Don: No sharing. (To the Vegans) You’ll have to try again. 

Laurie: But-

Don: Don’t care.

Laurie: But-

Don: Don’t care.

Laurie: But-

Don: Don’t care. (Walks off)

Laurie: (angry and yelling at Dwayne) You’ll pay for this! The goddess of Karma will get you!!

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: I normally don’t let myself experience negative emotions like this but I’m sure my Aura is very purple right now.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: It’s not the 1st time I’ve been cursed, but curses are just a lot of nonsense. (Junior face palms)

Don: (Chet and Lorenzo arrive with fossil in tow) 11th! (Emma and Kitty arrive with Emma passing out after pushing the fossil all the way there) 12th! 

Taylor: This is all your fault. You’re the parent take charge for once.

Kelly: Okay, then from now on, what I say goes. 

Taylor: (walking off) You can’t tell me what to do.

Kelly: (laughs) Teenagers. 

Don: Your teenager.

(Laurie and Miles are begrudgingly eating the feast and crying)

Spud: (still listening to music until he smells something) What's that?

Rock: Just this delicious Icelandic food here. Want some? (Without thinking, Spud starts chugging down the food while Rock smirks)

(Confessional)  
\---> Rock: (Spud is seen eating rapidly behind him) I covered the food with crumbled pork rinds. He'll eat this in seconds.  
\---> Spud: (lifts the clean platter) I finished!  
\---> Rock: Awesome! (They run for the Chill Zone)

Don: (the cadets arrive) 13th! 

MacArthur: Dwight Eisenhower that was close!

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: I-I can't believe we ate meat. We couldn't go home so we had to. There are animals inside me and they didn't want us losing.  
\---> Miles: I don't feel good, I think mine want out. (Hurls into a bucket)

Don: (Rock/Spud arrive) 14th! (Dani/Syd make it) 15th! (Yves/Aaryn make it) 16th! (Mary/Ellody arrive) 17th! (Notices the anime nerds and the animaniacs carrying one huge block of ice containing fossils) I said no sharing.

May: But there’s two fossil in here, one for each of us. (Don looks through the ice and notices that she’s correct)

Don: Very well then, tie for 18th place! (They drop the block of ice in exhaustion)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: Man, we were top five yesterday and today we just barely scraped by.  
\---> Fabian: Well that fossil did take forever to pick out and we did have a lot of trouble carrying it.  
\---> Jordan: I guess, but we’ve got to try harder next time.

(Confessional)  
\---> May: It appears as though I was wrong about fossil hunting being quicker.  
\---> Sam: No need to sweat, we’re still in this thing.

Don: (June/Quince arrive) 20th! 

June: Oh we have got to do better next time.

Quince: I’m well aware of that. (They walk off to the side) 

Taylor: I’m pretty sure our penalty is up.

Don: Not yet and here comes the last team. (The Vegans are racing to the chill zone. Mother/Daughter look nervous as the last few seconds of their penalty expire.) Penalty over! (Mother/Daughter run to the chill zone) 21st! (Vegans arrive) So ladies, it looks like you didn’t "meat" the standards of this game. (Laughs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: I can’t believe it. So many animals. I just ate so many animals. (Starts crying)

Don: Lucky for you today is a non-elimination round! You're both still in the game! 

Laurie: (angrily) WHAT?! You didn’t say this would be a non-elimination round!

Don: Yeah but that's the point. It's supposed to surprise you so you all try your best. I say every challenge someone COULD be going home. 

Laurie: (glares at Don) You mean I ate meat FOR NOTHING?! AUGHHHHH!!! (Tackles Don and starts to beat him up.) 

Don: ( Mother/Daughter watch in horror as Don is beaten up) Tune in next time! Brazil! Please help! SECURITY! (Laurie grabs him off-screen) NOT THE FACE! (Miles walks up to Mother/Daughter and hurls near their feet, freaking them out)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not a lot I changed from the canon episode when I wrote this chapter. In case you're wondering why some of my oc's placed so low, well at this early point in the overall story I was sort of overwhelmed by having to write for 44 characters so sometimes I just forget about them until the last moment, but they where never in any real danger of getting eliminated. In hindsight this will probably be the least successful chapter I write this whole season. My favorite line this episode has to be where Annie mentions she's multilingual in ways to be polite. 
> 
> Rankings:  
> Crimson & Ennui (1st Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (2nd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (3rd Place)  
> Tom & Jen (4th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (5th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (6th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (7th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (8th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (9th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (10th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (11th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (12th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (13th Place)  
> Rock & Spud (14th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (15th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (16th Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (17th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian/ Sam & May (18th Place)  
> June & Quince (20th Place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (21st Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (22nd Place)
> 
> Placements:  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	8. Pain in the Rainforest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the jungles of Brazil our contestants face biting insects and flashy costumes, and one venomous snake begins to show its fangs.

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams got geysered in Iceland! And boy was it extremely painful. They then had to either chip out a fossil or choke down a traditional Icelandic feast. The Goths took first place and were ecstatic. Meanwhile, the Vegans ate meat in order to survive the game, but their efforts where in vain, however it was a non-elimination round anyway and that caused Laurie to get violent. (He's revealed to now have a black eye) I survived that beating but one team might not survive today. This is THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

Don: Welcome back to The Ridonculous Race. Yesterday's Chill Zone will be today's starting line. Yesterday's winners, The Goths, are the first to go. (They walk up to the Don Box) So, how does it feel to be in first place?

Ennui: (monotonous) Ecstatic (Ennui is unfazed as he presses the Don Box and grabs the tip) 

Crimson: (reads) Looks like we're going to Brazil.

Don: (he's seen in a slideshow of Brazil as he dances to the beat) Sunny, sunny Brazil. Home to Boss nova music, makers of fine coffee (a cup of coffee and coffee beans are shown), and other things that keep me up at night. (A nightjar bird is seen screeching) Creepy. (He's at the Reykjavik airport) Teams must take one of these charter planes and fly to Brazil. The 1st eleven teams will have the advantage of getting there an hour earlier while the other eleven teams will be on the milk run. (A cow passes him and gets on the second charter plane) Literally.

(All the teams get in taxis and race to the airport. Geoff/Brody, Crimson/Ennui, Josee/Jacques, Annie/Leo, Carrie/Devin, Owen/Noah, Nekota/Gabriella, Tom/Jen, Ryan/Stephanie, Chet/Lorenzo, and Dwayne/Junior race through the airport and get on the first charter plane.)

Don: (voice) Our first group of teams have reached the airport and are getting onto flight number one.

Noah: (All the teams are entering. They see that the plane is styled like the plane from World Tour) Uh oh.

Owen: (freaks out) NOPE! (Tries to leave but security forces him into his seat) NO! NOOO! (Noah places him in his seat and secures him)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Ever since total drama world tour, Owen's a bit nervous about being in a military plane again.  
\---> Owen: Can you blame me? I almost died twice! At least I have Beary this time.

Owen: (coughs something up) Where's Beary?

Noah: You just ate him. (Owen hugs him tightly) HEY!

Owen: Sorry! I just need to hug something! (Squeezes tighter)

(Jacques and Josee look bitter)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: We failed in Iceland. ICELAND! Completely unacceptable!  
\---> Josee: Agreed. The last time I was this upset about where I placed, I got a new partner!

(Outside the plane, the rest of the teams load into the second charter plane. Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Rock/Spud, MacArthur/Sanders, June/Quince, Yves/Aaryn, Kelly/Taylor, Syd/Dani, Laurie/Miles, Mary/Ellody, and Emma/Kitty get on this plane. Dwayne and Junior are going to board the 1st plane with their fossil from last episode in hand.)

Dwayne: Wait till your mom sees this, she's going to love it!

Junior: It's sweet and all but won't it slow us down? 

Dwayne: What? Of course not. Besides, happy wife happy life. (He accidentally drops it on the tarmac and it shatters) Aww man.

Junior: Well, they say it’s the thought that counts. (They run into the 1st plane as it closes)

Don: (voice) Both flights are locked up, flight number one will be leaving now. (Flight number one accidentally runs over Dwayne's fossil pieces and gets a flat tire) Or maybe not.

Intercom: (from first flight) Sorry folks, got a flat tire. Probably ran over something sharp. Gonna need to change that. (The teams from flight number one groan in annoyance as flight number two takes off before them. Dwayne and Junior face palm at what happened)

Don: (voice) As flight number one is delayed, turning winners into losers, flight number two has already taken off. Teams try to relax but the cows aren't making it easy.

(In the milk run plane, teams are dispersed with the different types of animals. A pig sniffs Aaryn’s crotch as he looks on weirded out. May and Sam are doing just fine until a cow begins licking Sam’s head and he makes a joke about a cowlick. Jordan pets some rabbits while Fabian pets ducks. Mary and Ellody take some measurements on the livestock and categorize them by breed. Dani and Syd are surrounded by goats and decide to just stand there. The other teams walk around.)

MacArthur: (she gets angry and punches the wall causing Sanders to be concerned.) 

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I can't believe how bad we did in Iceland. Now we're in the loser's plane. I don't do losing!  
\---> Sanders: But the first plane got delayed and now we're in the lead.  
\---> MacArthur: (realizes) Oh yeah. Never mind we're good.

Taylor: (surrounded by livestock) Yeah, I’m so not doing this.

Kelly: Come on Taylor it’s a cow. You eat them, you wear them. It’s not so bad, just be one with them. (A cow farts)

(Taylor screams)

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: It crapped on my shoes!  
\---> Kelly: Everyone said we wouldn’t survive week on the show. That we’re to use to life in the hills. We may be a lot of things, but we’re not quitters.

Taylor: I’m so out of here. (Kicks a goat and runs off)

Kelly: Stay and you can have a new car. (Taylor runs back) 

Taylor: (to Kelly) Seriously? (Kelly nods) Okay I'm in. (Goat head-butts her) 

(Laurie and Miles surrounded by sheep and looking sad)

Laurie: (sad) I ate their friends to stay in the game. But I didn’t have to!

Miles: (slaps her) Hey! What happens in Iceland stays in Iceland. 

(June notices Laurie and Miles) 

June: (to Quince) I’m going to talk to them.

Quince: Why?

June: I just want to talk to them. (June walks up to Laurie and sits next to her) Hey Laurie, can I sit here?

Laurie: (Her face is buried in her knees) Sure. (June sits down)

June: I heard you're not feeling well. Wanna talk about it?

Laurie: (raises her head) I ate a sheep head and other types of meat but it was a non-elimination round so I didn't have to and I feel horrible! (Cries)

June: I can imagine that must’ve felt horrible for you.

Miles: What do you know? You’re just a vegetarian. (Realizes what she said was biased and cries again)

June: (calms her down) Ignoring that, you’re both harping on yourselves too harshly. Eating meat isn’t the worst thing you can do. And why are you so frazzled by the feast, you sailed the cheese in Paris, how’s that any different for the two of you? 

Miles: We weren’t all that ecstatic about the cheese either but at least that cheese wheel was never alive. That sheep once had hopes and dreams, (a little teary eyed) but not anymore. 

June: So you ate meat, albeit unwillingly, what’s the big deal? Not everyone can do everything perfectly without making a mistake along the way. Hell, I’ve made mistakes before.

Laurie: Like what?

June: I once thought I could live by myself so…. I ran away from home.

Laurie/Miles: What?!

June: I was 8 and thought that I could live without my tyrannical mother making every decision in my life. So while looking in the attic one day I noticed the family tree and learned about cousins that she didn’t know about. So one day I packed my things, took a bus, and went to live with them up state. I explained the whole situation to them and they allowed me to stay with them for a month before they called my mom. When we finally talked I told her I was sick of her BS and without her I was genuinely having fun in school and my activities while still being at the top of the class.

Laurie: So what happened next?

June: Well, then we didn’t speak for a week. Then when she called me again she apologized and we worked out an agreement. I could stay with my cousins so long as I maintained my grades and she’d drop in once a month for us to catch up on life and see how things were going. Nowadays I get along so much better with her and look at where I am. 

Miles: How does this help us?

June: We’ve both made mistakes before acted rash in the heat of a moment, but the important thing is to learn from your mistakes. You ate meat, and you can't change that. So what are you going to do about it?

Laurie: I-I'm not going to do it again?

June: Say it like you mean it.

Laurie: IM NOT GOING TO DO IT AGAIN! (Everyone stares at her) Wow, I'm feeling much better now, thanks. 

June: No problem. (A lamb walks up to Laurie and sleeps on her lap making her happy again. June walks off.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: I’m surprised, you only told me that story when we were 15, yet you tell it to 2 strangers just to calm them down. What’s your angle?  
\---> June: No angle I just didn’t want them crying all the way to Brazil.  
\---> Quince: I think you’re a lot nicer than you let everyone believe you are, but you put on a tough façade so no one thinks you’re weak, is that it?   
\---> June: You’re not my counselor. (Walks off in huff)  
\---> Quince: She did it out of the kindness of her heart, but she won’t admit it. 

(Aaryn is still dealing with the pig. When Syd talks to him over the goats)

Syd: So this is weird right?

Aaryn: Yeah, normally I’ve got dogs sniffing me.

Syd: So anyway, I was thinking, do you and Yves want to work together with me and my mom?

Aaryn: An alliance?

Syd: Not strictly an alliance we both just help each other out.

Aaryn: Well you did come in handy with the shark swimming and the fossil hunting challenge, okay.

Syd: Yes!

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: Tell him that you like him honey.  
\---> Syd: All in good time, we just need to get the feel of hanging out together, then when the time is right I ask if he’d like to date me. It’s all right here in this 26 point plan. (Pulls out long list on paper)  
\---> Dani: That’s Syd for you, always planned to the tiniest detail.

Don: (voice) Flight number 2 has reached the Brazilian destination as flight number 1 is thirty minutes away. (The eleven teams from flight number 2 reaches the airport in the jungle and they race for the tip.)

MacArthur: (reads the tip) It's a botch-or-watch.

Don: (he's standing by a tree with a mitt hanging from it with ants surrounding it) In this Botch-or-Watch, whoever didn't swim with sharks in the Mediterranean must try to perform a traditional Brazilian rite of passage and stick their hand inside a mitt full of venomous bullet ants and receive their next tip. (Don drops a chicken thigh in the mitt which gets devoured) Wow, is this dangerous or what?! 

Kitty: (worrisome) Bullet ants?

Ellody: (to everyone) Little known fact, the venom from bullet ants can last up to twenty-four hours.

Kitty: Oh, great.

Sanders: So who's going first?

Fabian: Not I. 

Laurie: (steps up) I'll go. (She reaches to grab a tip)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: Man, it seems like Sam won’t be the only one doing crazy dangerous things on this show, and that’s his specialty.  
\---> Sam: Don’t worry man, like you say this game is just a matter of mind over matter, and you’ve undoubtedly got the biggest mind here.  
\---> May: You’re right, I can do this! (Runs off to face the ants but trips and falls)

Laurie: (reaches to grab one but May bumps into her causing her face to hit the mitt and fall in pain) AUGHHHHHH! (Everyone cringes in pain)

May: OH MY GOD!! I am so sorry! (Helps her up) 

Laurie: (muffled) I-It's okay. I'm alright. (Her face is all swollen and tip is lodged in her forehead.) What?

Miles: It's nothing. (Jordan and MacArthur snicker but Fabian and Sanders elbow them to shut up. She reads the tip) Feeling de-vine? Swing your butts to the coconuts.

Don: (he's seen doing the Tarzan yell and swinging on a vine and lands across a gorge) Teams must cross this gorge by any means necessary and find their next tip hidden in these piles of coconuts.

Laurie: (can't see) Let's go! (Walks in the opposite direction)

Miles: (takes her by the hand and leads her to the gorge) Come on, I’ll lead the way.

(Yves approaches the mitt and sprays her hand with perfume, she then sticks it and gets a tip, and her hand is unharmed.)

Dani: (examines her hand) How is it you’re not stung?

Yves: This perfume contains tricyclodecinol aloe ether, a chemical proven to detract insects.

Dani: Can I have some of that? 

Yves: Well since we’re in an alliance, sure! (Sprays her hand. Dani sticks it inside the mitt and effortlessly gets a tip.) Good, now let’s all go. (All four of them leave)

(Confessional)  
\---> Mary: I’m impressed by what that Yves girl did.  
\---> Ellody: It was indeed very resourceful. But it would’ve been more resourceful of us to ask her for some.  
\---> Mary: Don’t worry I’ve got a plan.

MacArthur: (goes up to the mitt) Bullet ants (flexes) Welcome to the gun show! (Grabs a tip but screams) AUGHHH!!! They’re on my person! Officer down! (Runs off with Sanders following)

(Fabian approaches the mitt then gets an idea.)

Fabian: May give me one of your stockings. 

May: (complying) Ok, but why?

Fabian: Because I’m wearing gladiator shoes remember? (Puts the stocking on his hand then sticks it into the mitt, pulls out a tip, takes off the stocking and starts beating it against the pole.)

Sam: Wow that was really smart of you. 

Fabian: Thanks. (Gives may the stocking back to May) Here you go.

(May gets an idea. Using that same stocking she also puts her hand in it then sticks in the mitt, pulls out a tip and starts beating it against the pole.)

May: (with tip in hand) Let’s go! (The animaniacs and the anime nerds leave)

(Taylor approaches the mitt next, she simply blows into it and out comes a tip which she promptly grabs.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: I’ve got great lung capacity. So much so that doctors can’t even measure it with their fancy tools.  
\---> Kelly: I think if she put her mind to it she’d be a good free diver.  
\---> Taylor: And risk having to mingle with an octopus, gross!

Laurie: (she and Miles swing) AUGHHH! The wind hurts my face! (She and Miles hit the wall of the gorge) Now the cliff hurts my face! (They fall down into the river)

(The cadets are swinging across the gorge with ease and are loving it. They land promptly on their feet)

MacArthur: Yeah! That’s how the girls in blue roll! To the nuts! (She and Sanders run off) 

Spud: (grabs the tip and his hand is swelling but doesn't feel anything) Let's go man. (He and Rock run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Rock: Spud has a delayed pain reaction to everything. He probably won't feel that for like two hours!  
\---> Spud: Feel what?  
\---> Rock: Your hand.  
\---> Spud: (sees his hand) Whoa! What happened to my hand?

Dani: (she’s holding onto a vine while Syd holds onto her) Hold on sweetie. (They swing across with Dani cheering and Syd screaming the whole way across, they land) Well that was fun.

Syd: Maybe for you. (Looks around) Where are Aaryn and Yves?

Aaryn: (off-screen) Look out guys! (Aaryn and Yves come in swinging across the gorge and crash into Syd and Dani respectively, knocking all 4 off screen) 

(Flight number 1 is seen landing)

Don: (voice) As teams from Flight number 2 reach the vine swing, teams from flight number 1 must deal with the bullet ants. (Kitty’s next to try the mitt) 

Kitty: (reaches in) Ow! (She grabs the tip)

Emma: You’ll be fine. (They leave)

Josee: (reading tip) Botch or watch, and you’re up.

Jacques: (grabs the tip) Got it! (Screams like a girl) AUGHHHH! (His hand is swollen) It stings worse than losing gold in Vancouver by half a point. (They run off) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Accidentally coming in on the 2nd flight meant we had to up our performance. Just like we did at the Olympic trials.  
\---> Josee: You mean like I did! 

Chet: Called it! (Reaches in and screams) AUGHH!!

Lorenzo: (pushes him aside) It’s my turn to botch dweeb. (Reaches in then screams) AUUGHHH!! (Pulls out a tip and they leave) 

(The animaniacs and Anime nerds reach the gorge)

Fabian: What now?

Jordan: (whistles) Hold on tight. (Fabian holds onto her and she swings across the ledge with May and Sam following, when they all make it to the other side Fabian falls off her and hugs the ground in relief) 

(Meanwhile at the coconuts, the cadets work on finding the next tip.)

MacArthur: (using her swollen hand) Why won’t this thing break?!

Sanders: (holding hammer) You could use the hammer.

MacArthur: Relax I’ve got this. (Keeps on punching)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: MacArthur can be a little bit of a control freak.  
\---> MacArthur: What can I say? I'm a lone wolf! (Makes wolf sounds)  
\---> Sanders: Yeah, a lone wolf with a partner. (MacArthur continues to make wolf sounds) This could be a while.

Sanders: (takes the coconut and uses the hammer) Give me that! (She hits it and out comes a tip) Excellent!

MacArthur: I wore it down for you, you’re welcome.

Sanders: Sure you did. (Reading) It's an All-In.

(Don is now seen wearing a blue Carnival costume.)

Don: In this All-In challenge, one teammate must make a headpiece while the other must make a tail worthy of walking the streets during Carnival. (A local Brazilian girls walks up wearing the same headpiece and tail) Once this local approves of their costume, they'll receive their next tip. And while the cops take the lead teams from the 1st flight are now botching or watching.

Geoff: (Screams as both of his hands are swollen) 

(Confessional)   
\---> Geoff: I pump iron so when I saw righty get swollen I decided to switch to lefty. Symmetry is key.  
\---> Brody: (enters) Dude, your hands look pumped! High five!  
\---> Geoff: (they high five but Geoff goes wide eyed) AUGHHH! That was a bad idea!

Ennui: (grabs the tip and his hand is swollen, flatly) Oww.

Crimson: Don't be so dramatic. (They run off) 

Nekota: Here goes nothing. (Sticks hand in and is stung but he musters through the pain)

Gabriella: That’s it just push through the pain you’re doing great. (He pulls out a tip and they run off)

(At the vines the rockers and the Ice Dancers meet up while Jose glares evilly)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: This is too perfect! Time to get to work.  
\---> Jacques: Work on what?  
\---> Josee: Sabotaging the rockers. They play off as morons so we won’t go after them and then BAM they'll take our gold!  
\---> Jacques: I don't know about them being that smart. I said hello to the plump one and it took him 5 minutes to say hi back.  
\---> Josee: Doesn't matter, they won't know what hit them by the time I get to them. (Smirks evilly)

Josee: (goes up to Spud) Hey Spud! I dare you to kiss that snake! (Points to a snake causing Spud to smile)

(Confessional)  
\---> Spud: (by himself) There's a lesson I've learned again and again. If something sounds like a bad idea, looks like a bad idea, and requires a dare to do it....... ITS GONNA BE CRAZYYYYY!!!

Rock: (Grabs a vine) Okay Spud, let's go. Spud? (Turns around) SPUD! 

Spud: (he's about to kiss the snake) Don't worry Rock, I'm sure tons of people give kisses to snakes. (The snake wraps itself around Spud) Oh....

(Jacques and Josee swing across the vines effortlessly and land perfectly)

Josee: (sniffs) I can smell the gold! (They run off)

(Kelly and Taylor are about to swing but Taylor looks hesitant.)

Kelly: Hold on. DO IT! (Taylor complies)

(They swing across screaming until they land on the other side)

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: I was scared but also seriously impressed. You’ve got great upper body strength   
\---> Kelly: Thanks honey.

(Rock is seen trying to pry the snake off spud but to no avail)

Rock: This thing’s not coming off! Time for plan B! (He grabs a vine and then takes Spud in his other arm, he walks back a little) HERE WE COME! AAAAAHHH! (Runs, leaps and swings across)

(Laurie and Miles finally climb up the cliff and head over to the coconuts)

Lorenzo: (lands successfully on the other side) Yes! Nailed it! (Chet lands on him)

Chet: Ha! Nailed you! (Rock and Spud come swinging in and plow into the step brothers, knocking them all off screen) 

Fabian: Oh I hate coconuts.

Jordan: (hands him hammer) You don’t need to eat them, just smash ‘em. 

Fabian: That I can do. (Hits a coconut but it goes off flying, hits a tree and then flies right back at him, knocking him out)

Jordan: Should we wake him up?

Sam: Let’s find the tip 1st. (They all go back to smashing coconuts) 

(Annie is next to try the mitt)

Annie: Pardon me ants but please don’t hurt me as I mean you no harm and don’t wish to invade your space. (Sticks hand into mitt and pulls out tip. Her hand is completely unharmed) 

Leo: Way to go Annie.

Quince: (examines her hand) What the-? You’re completely unharmed!

Annie: Sometimes all you need to do is ask. (She and Leo leave)

Quince: Okay. (About to stick his hand in) Please don’t hurt me. (Sticks his hand in and feels stinging pain) AUGGGHHHH! (Pulls hand out with tip)

June: Good let’s go! (Grabs him and they leave)

(Geoff and Brody are swinging and yelling like Tarzan over the gorge. Meanwhile Kelly cracks open a coconut and finds a tip.)

(A disgruntled Chet unknowingly throws a coconut at Laurie's face)

Laurie: (covers her face) Oww! (The coconut thrown at her reveals a tip)

Miles: A tip! (To Chet) Thank you!

(Emma and Kitty are seen having landed on the other side. Emma grabs a hammer and starts smashing like there’s no tomorrow) 

(Back at the mitt Mary is seen rubbing the nectar of an agave leaf on Ellody’s hand)

Ellody: Are you sure you’ve identified the right species with natural insect repellent?

Mary: Am I ever wrong?

Ellody: First time for everything. (Approaches the mitt, sticks her hand in and pulls out a tip unharmed) Sorry to have ever doubted you. (They head off)

Carrie: My turn.

Devin: Good luck!

Junior: Good luck Carrie! (Smiles widely)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: Junior, do you have a crush on that girl?  
\---> Junior: W-what?! No way! Me and her? As if!  
\---> Dwayne: Yeah, she doesn't seem like your type.  
\---> Junior: (gets defensive) Are you kidding! She's a goddess among mankind! (Junior goes wide eyed) I mean...

Carrie: (sticks hand inside and pulls out a tip hiding the pain in her face) Ok, let’s go.

Junior: (reaches in and grabs a tip) Wait for me. (Is stopped by his father)

Dwayne: Does it hurt?

Junior: No dad, I’m fine. 

Dwayne: There’s no shame in admitting it hurts. 

Junior: Come on! (Grabs him and they run off)

(All the teams have passed the bullet ants. They are either crossing the gorge, finding tips in coconuts, or making their costumes.)

(The gym rats swing across effortlessly)

Gabriella: Wow! That was so insane!

Nekota: And the insanity continues. (Starts smashing open coconuts)

Stephanie: (she, Ryan, the siblings, the Julliard students, the bloggers and the geniuses make it to the gorge) How do we get across?

June: We need to swing.

Quince: I don't know if I have the upper body strength.

Ryan: There has to be an easier way. (Leans on a tree which falls creating a bridge)

Stephanie: You did it Ryan! (They make out)

Leo: Thank you. (He and everyone else crosses the gorge)

Ryan: (stops and looks) We're in last place! Hurry! (He and Stephanie get on the log but it starts cracking) NO! (He grabs Stephanie and throws her to the other side) I love you. (He falls)

Stephanie: NOOO!!!! (Cries on the ground) WHY WASN'T IT ME?! WHYYYY?!

Mary: He didn't fall. He's right on the ledge. (Ryan is indeed holding onto the ledge. He pulls himself up.)

Stephanie: (hugs him tightly) Don't do that to me EVER again.

Ryan: (laughs nervously) You're squeezing really tight. (They run to the coconuts)

(Devin/Carrie swing across. Ennui carries Crimson as he swings across effortlessly. Dwayne/Junior follow behind them and when they reach the other side they collide with a tree.)

Don: (voice) As teams are either looking through the coconuts or making their costume, the game begins to intensify. 

(Jacques and Josee are happily smashing coconuts)

MacArthur: (her costume gets disapproved) What?! How about I teach you a little something about fashion! (Sanders drags her away) Hey! I'm not done yet! I don’t approve of your judgment!

(Miles is working on the headdress and looks to see how Laurie is doing)

Laurie: (holding a beetle) Is this a bead?

Miles: (helps her put down the beetle) Here, I’ll start work on the tailpiece. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Miles: I had to take the lead. With Laurie’s face swelled up like raw meat she could barely see a thing.  
\---> Laurie: (mmm)  
\---> Miles: Was that a yummy sound?  
\---> Laurie: (hesitantly) No.

Brody: (Opens a coconut and finds a tip) Got one.

Geoff: Nice job man! (They run off to costume design) 

Owen: (eats a coconut) Okay, I got one down.

Noah: (rolls his eyes) Great, let's wait eight hours to see if there was a tip in that one.

Owen: (farts) Might be less than eight, perhaps five. (Farts again) Three. (Farts another time) Okay, maybe in forty five minutes.

Noah: (finds a tip) Doesn't matter, we got one! Let's go! (He and Owen run)

Rock: (opening coconuts while Spud is still constricted by the snake) Dude, shake that thing off!

Spud: I'll try. (Starts shaking himself until he falls over a few coconuts. The snake slithers away and one of the broken coconuts reveals a tip) Hey Rock, I got one.

Rock: Good, let’s jet. (They run off to costume design) 

Lorenzo: (uses Chet's head to open a coconut) Ha! Looks like you are useful!

Chet: No I'm not! (Runs off with Lorenzo)

(Ennui smashes two coconuts on his head emotionlessly and gets a tip, he and Crimson walk nonchalantly to the next challenge) 

Josee: (still nothing) Why are there no tips in these coconuts?! (Tom/Jen find one and head to the costume design)

Jacques: Well they found one. (Emma/Kitty and Ellody/Mary find one) And so did they.

Josee: (yells) AUGHHHHHHH! (Grabs the hammer and starts smashing dozens of coconuts.) Sorry, just needed to blow off some steam.

Jacques: Never mind that! Look! (They find a tip) Victory!

Josee: Um, Jacques? (They look at all the coconuts Josee hit. They all had just enough tips for everyone left.) Crap!

Dwayne: Oh, look at that. Thank you. (Grabs one and he and Junior run off) Hurry!

Jordan: Thanks! (Reads the tip as Fabian regains consciousness) 

May/Sam: Costume design?! (Both squeal with delight and run off to the next challenge)

Fabian: Oh boy.

(Confessional)  
\---> May: Me and Sam are avid cosplayers.   
\---> Sam: We’ve got this one in the bag of holding. 

Don: (voice) With all teams working hard to finish their costumes, the Surfer dudes take first. 

Brody: (the local approves of their costume) Radical! (They high five but Geoff feels pain. Reads the tip) Make your way to the Chill Zone via hang glider! (He and Geoff run)

Don: (he's on a beach where the Chill Zone is located) Copa Cabana Beach is today's Chill Zone. (Points to a cliff) Teams must use hang gliders on the top of that cliff soar like eagles or plummet like turkeys. I'm hoping for plummet.

Geoff: (he and Brody take off but they don’t hold on tight enough and fall) NO!

Brody: DUDE! 

MacArthur: (Her second costume also gets disapproved) It’s called being creative! (They head back)

(The Anime nerds and the Ice Dancers get to the costume challenge and look happy as can be)

May: Yes! (She and Sam dive into the fabric and start taking off their clothes. May’s skirt, tank-top, black and white stockings, black and white shoes along with Sam’s sleeveless blue hoodie, Uggs boots, and baggy khaki pants all land on Owen.)

Mary: Any sort of native bird we should draw inspiration from?

Ellody: Let’s try the royal flycatcher. 

Mary: Sublime.

Jen: (to the models) Hey guys, I love what you’re doing it looks so fetch.

Yves: Really? 

Tom: Totally, you’ve got a great eye for color and design girl.

Yves: Well I do own every movie that has won the Oscar for best costume design.

Dani: Really, do have the 2009 winner?

Yves: The Young Victoria, yep.

Aaryn: 1948?

Yves: Yep, I’ve got Hamlet.

Jen: 1950?

Yves: All about Eve, it would be embarrassing if I didn’t have that movie.

Syd: 1951?

Yves: An American in Paris, yep.

Tom: 1952 and 2001?

Yves: I do have both Moulin Rouge films.

Jen: 2000? 2002? 2003? 2005? 2006? 2007? 2008? 2010? 2011? 2012? 2013? 1974? 1973? 1953? 1964? 1963? 1961? 1960? 1959? 1984? 1993? 1987? 1992? 1994? 1997? 1998? & 2014?

Yves: That would be Gladiator, Chicago, The Return of the King, Memoirs of a geisha, Marie Antoinette, Elizabeth: the golden age, The Duchess, Alice in Wonderland, The Artist, Anna Karenina, Both of The Great Gatsbys, The Sting, Roman Holiday, My Fair lady, Cleopatra, West Side Story, Spartacus, Ben-Hur, Amadeus, The Age of Innocence, The Last Emperor, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, and The Grand Budapest Hotel.

Tom: Impressive. 

Aaryn: Hey why don’t you partner up with us and Syd and Dani?

Jen: I think its great you’re all working so well together but Tom and I don’t need any help.

Tom: Yeah, we’re so tight, nothing can come between us.

Dani: Well you have fun. (Everyone goes back to work on their costumes)

Nekota: Any color scheme you have in mind? (Notices Gabriella isn’t paying attention to him, only to the costume) Ok then.

Rock: (the local approves of their costume) Righteous! (Reads the tip) Come on! (He and Spud run)

(The local looks at the vegan’s costume and has to stifle herself from laughing at Laurie’s face. She gives them their tip and they head off)

Chet: (he and Lorenzo get their costume approved but they're glued together) Great... (He runs for them)

(Confessional)  
\---> Chet: Lorenzo used way to much glue and now we're stuck together. Now I have to carry him to the Chill Zone so I guess it’s pretty much like every time since Lorenzo's so useless.  
\---> Lorenzo: Am not! (Pushes Chet causing them both to fall) Um, a little help.

Josee: (she and Jacques now have huge gold and fuchsia costumes that get approved) Yes!

Noah: What the hell? Didn't they just get here? 

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (Still wearing their costumes) We’ve designed and built our own costumes since we we’re four. We can do this in our sleep  
\---> Jacques: Give us beads, sparkles and a team. We’ll skate your dreams. (They smile)

(Crimson and Ennui display their all black costume to the judge who is visibly terrified but gives them the tip anyway.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: Bright colors are for people who live sad, monotonous lives.

(Mother/Daughter get theirs approved. It's in varying shades of pastels)

Kelly: Yeah. (Raises arms)

Taylor: Mom, pits. (Kelly lowers her arms and they leave)

(Sam and May appear in looks just as impressive as the Ice Dancer’s. Sam’s is varying shades of blue while May’s is shades of black, white, and mahogany. They get the tip)

Noah: Is it really necessary to parade around in your underwear like that?

Sam: Hey, (deep voice while dancing around) If you sexy then flaunt it! (Pelvic thrusts. May laughs as they both head off to the cliffs)

May: Hey big guy, mind bringing us our clothes when you make it to the chill zone?

Owen: Sure.

(Annie appears in a red and orange ensemble with crystal threads as Leo begrudgingly turns on a boom box that starts playing Yma Sumac’s “Malambo No. 5” and Annie starts dancing around and lip synching to the song)

June: (wearing her team’s cream, pink and white costume) Oh if she thinks he can upstage me she’s got another thing coming! (Joins Annie and starts dancing along to the song too. Quince goes and hangs buy Leo)

Quince: Yma Sumca?

Leo: Yep. 

Quince: Good choice, but she’s Peruvian.

Leo: Annie knows that but she insisted to dance and I couldn’t say no.

Quince: I know how that feels. (They continue to watch the dance)

Rock: (He and Spud are about to take off. May/Sam, Laurie/Miles, Chet/Lorenzo, and Josee/Jacques are about to take off as well) Ready Spud?

Spud: (smiles) Totally! This is gonna rock! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Those Rockers are not going to steal the gold from us! I need to take them out. (Pulls out the snake from earlier)  
\---> Jacques: The snake? (Tries to touch it but it almost bites his hand sending him back) GAHH!

Josee: Bye bye, Rockers! (Sends the snake after them that climbs on their glider as they take off) Perfect! (She laughs evilly as her team takes off. May/Sam follow after. Chet and Lorenzo take off but their glider falls due to the 2 of them bickering.)

Miles: Ok, Laurie. On 3 we jump. One. Two. Three! (They take off)

Don: As the 1st few teams leave for the chill zone. The race to not come in last place heats up. But there’s a bit of a backup to get the next tip.

(Annie and June’s dance ends. The local gives them both tips. They look around to see the rest of the teams angrily waiting for them to move on. June and Quince run off)

Annie: Oh my god I’m so sorry for accidentally wasting your time. I’ll make it up to you. (Is grabbed by Leo)

Leo: No she won’t! (Drags her to the cliffs)

Kitty: (theirs get approved) Yay!

Emma: Let's go! (They run)

Gabriella: (her costume gets approved) Bout damn time! (They run) 

(Dwayne and Junior get theirs approved and they run off)

(Fabian waits patiently hoping his green, pink, and gold ensemble impresses the judge. She gives them the tip and they leave)

Fabian: Can we keep the costume?

Jordan: Only if we don’t lose.

Rock: (They are currently in first place) Dude, we so got this!

Spud: I know! Nothing can ruin this! (On cue, the snake appears in front of them) Wow, I jinxed us up didn't I?

Rock: Yep. (The snake attacks them causing them to lose control and fall) AUGHHH!!! 

Don: With almost all the teams at the gliders, it's anyone's race. (Josee and Jacques arrive and he glares) Never mind, the Ice Dancers get first. (They catch random flowers and stuffed bears. They smile and wave to the camera.) Where did those come from? Anyway, you two get tickets to the 2016 Olympics in Rio and a year’s supply of coconut water.

Josee: Yes! Victory once again! 

Don: (Looks around when the Vegans arrive) Congratulations Vegans, you're in second PLACE?! (Sees Laurie's face) Oh my God, what happened to your face?

Laurie: (muffled) Bullet ants.

Don: Huh, speak up. I couldn't hear you. Did you say 30 minute penalty? (A big 30:00 appears above their heads)

Miles: What?! Why? We got here fair and square!

Don: Well the tip said both of you had to make a component of the costume but Miles, you did all the work. (The Vegan’s groan and move far off to the side to wait out their penalty)

MacArthur: (Theirs finally gets approved) Finally! (She and Sanders run) 

(Ellody/Mary, Syd/Dani, Yves/Aaryn, Tom/Jen, Carrie/Devin, Owen/Noah and Ryan/Stephanie all get theirs approved and run to the gliders.)

Don: (screams as the Goths arrive) AAAHH! Great flying birds of death! You take 2nd place. (They leave. The Anime nerds land in the dead center of the chill zone still wearing their costumes) And you take 3rd. 

May/Sam: ARRRRIIBAAA!!! (Start dancing)

Don: Where are your clothes? (Mary and Ellody arrive) 4th! (The Vegan’s penalty reads 19:00)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: It pays to study the wind currents of sub-tropical zones.

Don: (Chet and Lorenzo arrive wet) The Stepbrothers arrive from the shore to take fifth place! (Gabriella and Nekota arrive) Sixth! (Annie and Leo arrive but undershoot the chill zone, they run and make it) Seventh! (June and Quince arrive, Quince falls face flat on the chill zone but June lands perfectly) Eighth! (Fabian and Jordan arrive but overshoot the landing, they quickly detach and run to the chill zone) Ninth! 

Fabian: Yay! We get to keep the costume! (Screaming is heard, it comes from the models who are coming in too fast)

Don: (Yves/Aaryn crash) The Models crash into tenth! (Emma and Kitty arrive) Eleventh! (Kelly and Taylor arrive) Twelfth! (Dwayne and Junior arrive) Thirteenth! (Dani and Syd arrive) Fourteenth! (Carrie and Devin arrive) Fifteenth! (Owen and Noah arrive but crash just short of the chill zone. The Cadets land and unintentionally push them ahead of themselves) Sixteenth to the reality pros and Seventeenth to the cadets! 

Owen: (dazed) Sam? May? I have your clothes. 

Sam: (Takes them as Owen collapses) Thanks man. (The vegans look nervous) 

Don: (Tom and Jen arrive) 18th! (Ryan and Stephanie arrive) 19th! (Geoff and Brody finally limp onto the chill zone) 20th! With one spot left, it's up to the Rockers or the Vegans. Who will lose? I dunno, let's watch. 

(The Vegan’s penalty reads 1:05)

Spud: (he gets up from the crash) Whoa, that didn't go as I expected. (He sees the Chill Zone in the distance) There's the Chill Zone! Come on!

Rock: (crawls out) OWW! I think I twisted my ankle! Spud, just go on without me! 

Spud: What?! No way man. It's like your mother always says: If anyone's gonna get you killed, it's gonna be me!

Rock: My mom says that? (Thinks) Yeah, that sounds like something she’d say. (Spud carries him) Yeah! (The snake reappears.) Uh oh!

Spud: Let's do this Rock! (Spud races while carrying Rock as the snake chases them. They are determined to make it to the Chill Zone.) 

(A loud buzzer goes off)

Don: Vegan’s your time is up! 

Miles: Run! (Grabs Laurie and runs)

Spud: I think we're gonna make it!

Rock: I think so too! (The snake catches up to them and constricts them both right before the reach the Chill Zone) NO! Spud, lean over!

Spud: (Though he and Rock are tied together by the snake, he attempts to lean forward. Before they can fall on the Chill Zone, Laurie and Miles make it before they do. Spud and Rock fall afterwards.) Aww man...

Rock: (frowns) Bummer.

Don: It was close but the Vegans arrive in 21st. 

Miles: Yes! Yes! Yes! (Starts to cry out of happiness)

Laurie: What’s that noise? Is someone crying? 

Don: (He turns to Rock and Spud) Rockers, you're the last team to arri - (Rock and Spud are completely constricted by the snake and look like they can barely breathe. Don goes to his ear piece) Hello? Yeah, I'm going to need animal control and a medic. (Rock and Spud turn blue)

(Forty minutes later, Rock and Spud are back to normal. Rock has a cast and crutches. The snake is being taken away by animal control. Don stands in front of them.)

Don: Well, animal control got rid of the snake and the medics were able to get a cast on you Rock. However, you guys are still out. (Rock and Spud frown) Anything you'd like to say to your former competitors.

Rock: Well, even though I didn't know you guys all that long or well I'll still miss you. I'm totally making a song about our experiences when I get home.

Leo: Don’t mention me by name.

Don: Spud, anything?

Spud: Well, if I have to say anything to you guys it's gotta be that I - (he goes wide eyed when his swollen hand suddenly beats) AUGHHHHHH!!!! 

Don: Well, that's very inspiring.

Rock: (comforts Spud) He's finally feeling the pain from the bullet ants. Aren't you, bud?

Spud: (calms down) Yeah, I'm good bro. Anyways, gonna miss you guys. Bye. (They leave) 

Don: With our Rockers gone, this competition got 10% less stupid, but that’s not saying much. Who will win the next part of the race? Find out next time on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

=== Best of Rock and Spud === (A slideshow of Rock and Spud's best moments are now shown as they leave) 

Rock: (voice) Man, this sucks. I really thought we could have done better, like half way better.

Spud: (voice) I know. We were doing so awesome.

Rock: (voice) I'm proud of me and Spud. We did this competition right and didn't cheat. We even made some new memories. And I got a lot of new song ideas. (They are seen walking on the beach away from the camera) Still I needed the money. By the way Spud, why'd you even try to kiss that snake in the first place?

Spud: (remembers) Oh yeah! The Ice Dancers dared me to do so.

Rock: (stops) Wait, the Ice Dancers dared you to kiss the snake?

Spud: Yeah. (Realizes) Wait, did they manipulate me to get us eliminated?

Rock: (gasps) They did! We need to warn the others! (They try to go to the camera behind them to warn the others but the camera runs away) Wait! Come back! 

Spud: Guess they won't let us tell them.

Rock: (sighs) Guess not. Let's go home and rock out.

Spud: You’re speaking my language now. (They walk off on the Brazilian beach)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode was a lot of fun to write. As you can see I spared the Vegans cause I thought their original elimination was too harsh, and yet I still penalized them, I'm weird like that. I've also started to reveal more about my oc's backstories showing why June is so competitive and a hint that shows she does have a soft center inside. I really liked describing the costumes I made up. I decided to cut the Rockers out because they went far enough in canon and it's not like I had anything else unique planned for them. My favorite line has to be Sam quoting "Uptown Funk", it's so him. 
> 
> Rankings:  
> Jacques & Josee (1st Place)   
> Crimson & Ennui (2nd Place)  
> Sam & May (3rd Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (4th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (5th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (6th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (7th Place)  
> June & Quince (8th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (9th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (10th Place)   
> Emma & Kitty (11th Place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (12th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (13th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (14th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (15th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (16th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (17th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (18th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (19th Place)   
> Geoff & Brody (20th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)
> 
> Placements:  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	9. Bats All Folks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get creepy in Romania, where teams face the prospect of being buried alive or performing gymnastics.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams went and raced through sunny Brazil. The bullet ants marched one by one and stung half the competition. May and Sam had way too much fun, but crazy dates crazy I suppose. Laurie's face swelled up like raw meat, Mother and son made an alliance with the models, and Spud tried to kiss a snake. When it came down to the Rockers and the Vegans, the Vegans barely avoided last place while Rock and Spud left with their heads held high. They even figured out that the Ice Dancers caused their downfall and tried to warn the others but were too late. Get ready for more action here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(The teams are lined up on Copa Cabana Beach, also known as yesterday's Chill Zone, in the order they arrived in. Josee and Jacques are the first to leave. Don stands in front of them next to a Don Box.)

Don: Last week's Chill Zone, Copa Cabana Beach, will be today's starting line for the race. Leaving first will be the Ice Dancers. (Josee and Jacques leap to the Don Box)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: We've won gold three times already. We're going to use our lead to widen the gap even further.  
\---> Jacques: We will make it so wide no one can jump across it!  
\---> Josee: We’ll move so fast we’ll lose the camera crew, then we’ll stop so they can film us and we can wave to all our deserving fans.

Jacques: (presses the button and reads the tip) Make your way to Dracula's castle in Transylvania. (He and Josee get worried)

Don: (he appears in a slideshow of Transylvania while wearing fake fangs so you can't hear what he's saying) Transylvania! Transylvania! (Spits out his fake fangs) Wow, it's hard to talk with those. Transylvania, home to majestic mountains, Old Saxon architecture, and the birthplace of everything scary. Teams must travel here to this castle to receive their next tip. (He's back in Brazil next to the Ice Dancers) This shuttle bus will take you to the airport. (Josee and Jacques run onto the bus)

Josee: (they sit down) First place, here we come! 

Jacques: Nothing can stop us now! 

Jacques/Josee: (chanting) First place, first place, first place. (All the other teams board the bus with them, their chanting grinds to a halt)

Josee: Oh come on! (Looks pissed off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (Josee is destroying stuff off-screen) Looks like all the teams are taking the same bus to the airport. But this isn’t a problem for us. (Ducks when a camera is throw over his head) Like I said, not a problem. Josee will just rage herself to sleep.

Josee: (sleep talking) Stupid show.

Crimson: (To Ennui) I have this weird feeling. What could it be?

Ennui: I fear it may be...... happiness?

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: Transylvania is the place that describes us the most. Dark, scary, and dangerous.  
\---> Crimson: I know, it's Hades on earth.

Tom: (giddy) Can I show them?

Jen: Show them. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Tom: (wearing a fez hat) I bought these off a local vendor who’s also a distributor, I ordered 4000 of them to ship back home. I’m gonna make fez happen. Put yours on.  
\---> Jen: Maybe later.

(The bus stops at the airport as the teams race for plane tickets. They form a line to get the tickets. It goes Josee/Jacques, MacArthur/Sanders, Crimson/Ennui, Gabriella/Nekota, Sam/May, Jordan/Fabian, June/Quince, Leo/Annie, Mary/Ellody, Emma/Kitty, Aaryn/Yves, Syd/Dani, Dwayne/Junior, Devin/Carrie, Kelly/Taylor, Owen/Noah, Tom/Jen, Chet/Lorenzo, Geoff/Brody, Ryan/Stephanie, Laurie/Miles. Stephanie looks angry.)

Stephanie: There are only two flights to Transylvania and we are not getting on the second flight.

Ryan: But we - (interrupted by Stephanie)

Stephanie: I got an idea! Lift me up and throw me to the front!

Ryan: Steph, I can't do that. There's a line and - (interrupted by Stephanie)

Stephanie: (gets in his face) JUST DO IT! NOW! (Ryan sighs and throws her to the front)

MacArthur: (sees Stephanie) Take cover! (Everyone ducks as Stephanie crashes into the ticket salesman)

Stephanie: (weakly off-screen) Two please....

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Ryan has voiced some concerns about how "competitive" I've been getting but we've reached an understanding.  
\---> Ryan: I need to try harder and not fail at everything so Stephanie doesn't need to become "competitive".  
\---> Stephanie: Exactly. Relationships are about perfection. We are so going to win this.

(Confessional)  
\---> Miles: (at the airport) Okay we want to win as much as everyone else but we're not that desperate  
\---> Laurie: (face is back to normal) I can sense a very purple aura coming from her. 

Don: (voice as Josee/Jacques, Ellody/Mary, May/Sam, Jordan/Fabian, Ryan/Stephanie, Crimson/Ennui, Annie/Leo, Sanders/Macarthur, Gabriella/Nekota, June/Quince, Yves/Aaryn and Emma/Kitty get on the first flight) The first twelve teams get on the first flight to Transylvania while the remaining nine teams on flight number two, which doesn't leave for forty minutes, must overcome this hurdle.

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: (on the airplane) We did really well the 1st few episodes, then we hit a bit of an impasse but getting on the 1st flight today is really promising.  
\---> MacArthur: Yeah just watch, we’re gonna really kick butt today! 

Syd: I hope Aaryn doesn’t think he needs to wait for us. It could send his team home.

Dani: I’m sure Aaryn will follow his common sense. And if not we’ll both just double time it in Romania. 

Carrie: (to Devin) Wow, what happened? We we're doing really well the first couple of days but now we're almost always on the second flight.

Devin: Have faith, homie. I feel like our luck will start turning soon.

Carrie: I hope so.

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: Have we been placing lower recently? Yes. Are we going to give up? Of course not. Me and Carrie just need to work a little harder, I know we can do it.

Lorenzo: (to Chet) I can't believe we got fifth place yesterday but we're still on the second flight.

Chet: Well, maybe you shouldn't have stopped to tie your shoes before the bus stopped.

Lorenzo: Well, excuse me for trying to be safe! (They glare at each other)

Junior: (about Lorenzo and Chet) Man, how old are those two?

Dwayne: Some people just don't understand the meaning of good, old-fashioned family bonding. (Puts his arms around Junior, but Junior walks off) Ok, maybe later, kiddo.

(Much later, the second flight is seen leaving from Brazil as the first flight has just landed in Transylvania, it's night time.)

Don: (voice) As the second flight finally leaves from Brazil, the first flight has just landed in Transylvania. (The first twelve teams exit the airport)

May: Finally, we made it. (Looks around) Now, where is this "spooky" castle? (They all gasp in shock. Lightning flashes around Dracula's Castle as it starts to rain. Stephanie holds onto Ryan. Emma and Kitty hold hands in fear. Gabriella and Nekota look ready to face anything. Mary and Ellody seem dubious. Fabian holds onto Jordan by her legs. May and Sam look ecstatic. Leo stands brave even though he’s a little scared while Annie looks in awe. Yves an Aaryn are both scared out of their minds. June clutches Quince for safety, and out of fear. Sanders looks worried as MacArthur stands up ready to fight. Josee and Jacques hold each other. Crimson and Ennui just stare in awe at the castle.)

Crimson: Wow.

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: This is the literally best place on earth. This is the birthplace of goths. I don't know why everyone else is so afraid of this place. I just… (Almost emotes but Ennui stops her)  
\---> Ennui: Be careful you almost got color in your face.  
\---> Crimson: Thanks. (Wolf howls)

May: Man isn’t this place wicked?!

Sam: Totally! You can really see where Stoker drew inspiration from the local castles when he described the one in the book.

(Confessional)  
\---> May: We live for horror movies. I watched the ring when I was 5 and have never looked back.  
\---> Sam: We also work in the haunted house industry so we’re used to freaky-ass places. Nothing scares us anymore, I sat through [REC] and never flinched. But what about Fabian?  
\---> May: Good point. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: I guess we aren’t totally different from the rest of these teams.  
\---> Ennui: Agreed, they seem to have a taste for the finer things in life.

(Fabian stims nervously, Jordan comes to comfort him)

Jordan: I know what you’re doing but we’re going to be fine. So long as we have Sam and May we will make it through this challenge (Grabs hands) OK?

Sam: Seriously man, with the three of us by your side. You’ve got nothing to fear. 

Fabian: Yeah, ok maybe you’re right. (Pulls out necklace from underneath shirt) But it’s a good thing I bought this necklace guaranteed to protect me from all spells, hexes, and curses. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Mary: A special necklace? He must be joking.  
\---> Ellody: Curses are nothing more than myth and superstition. Based only on one’s personal fears. (A crow flies into the confessional and lands on her head) That’s peculiar.

Aaryn: Should we wait for Syd and his mom?

Yves: We may be working with them but it’s pointless of us to waste our lead when there’s 19 other teams to worry about. Let’s go and hope they catch up. If they don’t we just pray that they make it to the chill zone.

Aaryn: I hope they’re quick. (They run ahead)

June: (squeezing Quince’s hand intensely) Now I know you’re afraid but you need to put your fear aside so we don’t get eliminated. 

Quince: (in pain) I’m actually not that scared.

June: You keep telling yourself that. Let’s run. (Runs dragging him by his wrist) 

(Crimson and Ennui lead, while May and Sam follow. Josee/Jacques, Sanders/MacArthur, Ryan/Stephanie, Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, June/Quince, Emma/Kitty, Jordan/Fabian, Aaryn/Yves and Mary/Ellody run to the top.)

MacArthur: (passes Josee and Jacques) Move out of the way!

Josee: Whoops, I didn't see you there! (Pushes Sanders)

Sanders: (falls) Whoa! (She crashes into everyone behind them)

MacArthur: (turns back and glares) OFFICER DOWN! (Tackles Josee and Jacques to the ground) Shots fired! You have the right to remain silent! Mostly, because you guys are annoying. (The rest of the teams get up and go past them)

(Meanwhile back on the 2nd flight)

Dani: (talking to Laurie and Miles) Gotta say Laurie, your face is looking a lot better now.

Laurie: (smiles) Thanks. I used some cream Miles made to heal it fast.

Miles: It was made from coconut water, bananas, guava paste, and Brazil nuts.

Dani: Mind lending me some?

Laurie: Sure.

(Confessional)  
\---> Miles: We may have nearly bit the dust last time, but that fact we stayed is a sign that we’re meant to win.  
\---> Laurie: The ants were a punishment that I clearly deserved for violating my principles. We’re prepared for any other punishments we may suffer today. 

Carrie: (to the fashion bloggers) So you two run a blog together? That is so cool, who started it?

Tom/Jen: I did. (Both realize they both said "I did")

Tom/Jen: No, I did.

Tom/Jen: No, I did!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Okay, you typed it out but it was my idea. So technically I started it while you were the secretary.  
\---> Tom: I’m sorry, what?

Stephanie: (they reach the Don box first) Yes, we're here first!

Ryan: How can that be? The Goths and the anime nerds were way ahead of us. 

(Inside the castle the goths are seen with a painting of Vlad Dracul.)

Crimson: Vlad looks striking, quite a resemblance, don’t you think? (Pointing to Ennui)

Ennui: I’ll say, the similarities are remarkable. 

(Elsewhere in the castle we see Sam and May taking photos and sketching)

Sam: This’ll be great reference material for our next haunted house. I can see it now, people walk through large castle gates in the beginning, then they walk through a deathly silent village where vampiric locals pop out of inopportune places, then a large Saxon castle awaits our victims and then they make their way through the foyer where the ghosts of the servants lie behind curtains waiting to ensnare them, then they’ll go through the halls filled with those “watching you” portraits and poltergeists will pop out of some, a kitchen with a cannibalistic chef, a ball room filled with weird skeksis like creatures dancing around and squawking, a dungeon where demons get medieval on the asses of the damned, the bedrooms of the royal family lie seemingly undisturbed and then outcome the dead aristocrats screaming bloody murder! And just when you think it’s all done, when you can see the exit and make a run for it a huge ass bat/wolf beast pops out from up above! 

May: (sketching) Great thinking, but you do realize that to have a next haunted house we need to have a first haunted house? 

Sam: Details, details. (Snaps a photo) 

Stephanie: (reads the tip) It's an All-In! (Hugs Ryan) I love it when we get to do stuff together.

Don: (comes out of a coffin) For this All-In challenge, teams must enter Dracula's castle and find an empty coffin. Whoever grabbed the tip must drag the coffin with their partner inside to the graveyard and dump it inside an open grave. (He comes out of the open grave with a froggy umbrella) Creepy.

June: (reads it while Quince holds it) Complete the task to receive your next tip from the local Grave Digger. (Gets worried)

Quince: Maybe he's a nice Grave Digger?

Kitty: (reads and holds it) Whomever is inside the coffin cannot come out or help at all. Uh oh.

Emma: I'm sure you'll be fine.

Gabriella: Ready to die?

Nekota: Oh please, I laugh in the face of death. (They run into the castle) 

Fabian: Let’s find your brother now! (He drags Jordan inside) 

Jacques: (MacArthur is still holding onto Josee and Jacques) Let us go! We're falling behind!

MacArthur: You let go!

Josee: You let go first! 

MacArthur: You'd like that, wouldn't you! (Sanders just face palms at this)

Don: (voice) As the Police Cadets and Ice Dancers play in the mud, flight number two has just arrived in Transylvania. (Flight number two has arrived as Lorenzo/Chet, Carrie/Devin, Geoff/Brody, Dwayne/Junior, Owen/Noah, Laurie/Miles, Dani/Syd, Kelly/Taylor, and Tom/Jen exit the airport.)

Lorenzo: Last one to the castle eats snot! (Pushes Chet as he runs off)

Chet: (gets up and runs) Then it'll be you Booger-Eater! (All the teams from flight number two head to the castle)

Jen: Let’s just go to the castle.

Tom: That’s what the tip said, or do you want to take credit for that too? (They leave)

(Inside the castle) 

Leo: (looking around) Man, what castle specifically has a room filled with coffins? This is already looking bad. (Notices Annie is completely complacent) How are you not freaking out? This whole place is so antithesis of you. Creepy as hell and has a history plagued with death and war.

Annie: Leo you can choose to let a situation take control of you or you can take control of the situation at hand. 

Leo: Huh, pretty solid advice. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: Ok I’m actually really terrified but I can’t let him know that. He’ll do everything in his power to protect me from every little thing and that will just slow us down. 

(Jordan and Fabian meet up with Sam and May)

Sam: Oh hey guys, nice to see you made it.

Fabian: Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about we all search for the coffins together?

May: We we’re planning on meeting up with you and doing that anyway, we just wanted to take some time to take in the location. (Takes photo and everyone goes searching) 

Kitty: (walking with Emma, June, and Quince) So what’s it like to be the sugar plum fairy? 

June: So magical, I feel like I’m walking on snowflakes, even if afterwards my feet feel like they’re made of cement. 

Kitty: And what’s it like being in the orchestra Quince?

Quince: It’s heavenly, especially when I get to perform the Chinese dance, along with Jesu, joy of man’s desiring it’s my favorite song, well that and swan lake waltz, William Tell overture, 1812 overture, the new world symphony, Humoresque, Aida, waltz of the flowers, Blue Danube Waltz, Ride of the Valkyries, Canon in D major and Waiting For Life. 

Emma: That's great but we really need to find these coffins. (Suddenly, the floor beneath them opens up) Great. (The four of them fall in and scream)

(Back at the Don Box outside the castle, Lorenzo and Chet arrive after MacArthur/Sanders and Josee/Jacques receive their tip.)

Lorenzo: Made it here first! Here, let me get you some snot to eat. (Prepares to spit out snot but Chet gets the tip before him) Hey! (The other teams arrive)

Chet: (reads it) Whoever grabbed the tip must..... WHAT?!

Lorenzo: (read and laughs) Sucks to be you! (They run off)

Devin: (reads the tip) I can do this. I can do this. (He and Carrie, Geoff/Brody, Dani/Syd, and Dwayne/Junior get their tips and run into the castle)

Noah: (reads the tip) Oh great.

Owen: You'll be fine. I've lost a few pounds while on this race.

Noah: (deadpan) I seriously doubt that. 

May: (walking with Sam, Jordan, and Fabian) Ok, I know we just got back together but maybe we should split up to cover more ground. If either team finds the coffin room first just give a signal, got it?

Jordan: That seems reasonable, come on Fabian.

Fabian: (scurries over to her side and holds onto her intensely) Sure, let’s go and be picked off one by one.

Sam: Gee man what are you so afraid of? You’ve applied make up to tons of scareactors and worked for dozens of haunted houses, both freelance and employed by major theme parks, what’s so scary about this one?

Fabian: I knew all of that was fake, but this is reality!

Jordan: Well meet up with you later. Come on. (The animaniacs and anime nerds part ways)

Don: (voice) Will any of the teams make it through Dracula’s castle alive? (Split video screen shows Aaryn and Yves almost being cut by a suit of armor’s big axe, they run off screaming. The other side shows Tom and Jen being pursued by bats.) Probably not, but the only way to find out is to wait for the RIDONCULOUS RACE to return!

(Commercial break)

Dani: Jeepers this place sure is creepy. Like Wes Craven creepy.

Syd: Yeah, the only thing missing is a mindless zombie. (Aaryn bumps into him and Yves bumps into Dani) AAHHH! Oh, hi guys.

Aaryn: Oh, hey you two made it. 

Dani: Have you kids found the coffins yet?

Yves: No, unfortunately.

Syd: Well let’s search together. (All four of them head off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: Well, does that plan of yours say anything about searching for coffins together in a haunted castle?  
\---> Syd: Actually yes, (points to spot on the plan) “In case of creepy location, don’t converse, just wait until you have left and then ask what his greatest fears are.”

(Elsewhere Jordan and Fabian are still looking for the coffins.)

Jordan: You ok man?

Fabian: Yeah fine, why’d you ask?

Jordan: (holds wrist up to reveal Fabian handcuffed himself to her) Call it a hunch? 

Fabian: Don’t worry I’ve hidden the key on May’s person. When we find her she can separate us. (They hear a ghostly wail which startles them) What was that?!

Jordan: That’s gotta be the signal! Come on, I heard where it came from. (Drags him by the wrist)

Fabian: Wait what if there’s a real ghost in this castle?

Jordan: Don’t worry man, I’m scarier than any ghost.

Fabian: I’ll agree with you on that. 

(Elsewhere we see the vegans looking around. They walk straight through a spiders web and tear it apart trying to free themselves from it.)

Miles: AAAHH! Get it off! Get it off! (Looks down and notices what they've done. They're both quite shaken up) Oh my goodness. How will that poor spider live now?!

Laurie: (quickly grabs her and drags her) Let's find the coffins. The sooner we find them the sooner we can make it to the chill zone and not risk harming anymore animals. 

(Elsewhere we see the surfer dudes looking around)

Geoff: Dude this looks almost exactly like the castle in Vampire Revolutionaries!

Brody: Oh I love that game, hey thanks for telling me about that iron tipped wooden stake hidden in a box behind the blacksmith’s shop, totally helped me pass level 8. 

Geoff: No problem man. (They fist bump) 

(Elsewhere we see Kelly and Taylor searching)

Kelly: Well this castle sure is something isn’t it? 

Taylor: If by something you mean gross then yes. 

Kelly: Oh come on Taylor it’s not gonna hurt for you to have fun and take in some of the sights we see. You know this kind of reminds me of that summer we spent touring the castles of England.

Taylor: Except the princes over there where hella cuter. (Wipes some dust off a table) And this castle is seriously overdue for some spring cleaning. Seriously, what happened to the maid service here?

(Elsewhere we see Mary & Ellody examining an old tapestry)

Mary: Would you look at that. Notice the stitching and the cross hatching. You can only achieve that from traditional medieval looms. 

Ellody: And the tapestry displays its story so vividly, detailing the peasant’s revolt and the bloodshed the aristocrats unleashed upon them in response. Tapestry art truly is a lost form of storytelling. Well enough admiration, let’s find those coffins. (Both walk off) 

(After thirty minutes of searching, some of the teams have already found themselves a coffin. Josse/Jacques, Ryan/Stephanie & Dwayne/Junior have their coffins and are in the graveyard. Junior is struggling to pull the coffin containing his father)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: I’m loving all the father/son bonding time I’m getting to do with Junior. He’s a great kid but he’s almost too obedient. I want him to learn that part of growing up is learning to take risk and figuring out what rules to break.  
\---> Junior: So I can skip my curfew?  
\---> Dwayne: Well...  
\---> Junior: Drive your car?  
\---> Dwayne: Maybe not...  
\---> Junior: Get a tattoo?  
\---> Dwayne: I don’t...  
\---> Junior: Quit school?  
\---> Dwayne: (flatly) You’re grounded.

Jacques: (he's inside the coffin while Josee flips him over constantly) Josee! Please stop! Slow down!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: I know it's a race but the way Josee was pushing me we were going to win with me covered in bruises.  
\---> Josee: (glares) You mean like if someone held you over their head and dropped you on the ice face-first in a stadium full of people on the most important day of your life! That kind of "covered in bruises"?!

Josee: (Notices the Daters) Bye! 

Stephanie: Shut up! (To Ryan in the coffin) Don't even think about saying anything!

Ryan: (from the coffin) But I wasn't going to say anything.

Stephanie: Whatever. This is still your fault.

Ryan: (from the coffin) Why is it my fault?

Stephanie: If you had just gotten the tip before me, like a real gentleman, you could have just carried me. Now stop talking and let me focus. (She continues to struggle to pull the coffin)

(In the room with the coffins) 

Laurie: (looking for the right coffin) You know, I want my coffin to be biodegradable and I want to be refrigerated rather than embalmed, too many harsh chemicals. 

Miles: Well I want a sack burial, it’s been done for millennia and it allows me to give my body back to the earth, but on the plus side these seem to be made with locally sustained wood. 

Ennui: (admires the coffin) Wow, this coffin is perfect. Vintage hexagon Oakwood with Corinthian leather interior. Modern coffins are so flimsy. 

Crimson: I know, when I die I want to be buried in coffin made during the plague, they really knew how to make a coffin that lasts. (Hops into the coffin) Take me to the Grave Digger. (Ennui shuts the coffin and starts pulling)

Leo: (he and Annie arrive in the coffin room) Yes! Finally! (From a hole above, the Julliard Students and the Sisters fall into a coffin) Huh. Weird.

Annie: Hey guys. Seems like you found the coffins rather easy.

Emma: Sure “found”. 

Leo: Less talking, get in. (Annie happily complies and gets in a coffin and Leo starts carrying her) Hustle!

June: (already in a coffin) Come on man! (Quince quickly starts to carry her as Laurie and Emma get into their coffins and their partners carry them) 

Jordan: (she and Fabian arrive in the room) Finally, we’re here! I knew this was where that ghostly wail came from. Where are my brother and May? 

Fabian: (points) There. (Camera shows that they are seen relaxing in some coffins)

May: Oh hey guys, I knew you’d eventually find us. 

Jordan: Which one of you made that banshee sound?

Sam: That would be me. (Does a bloodcurdling screech, those in the room are mortified while those still inside the castle are petrified) Now let’s hop to it man. 

May: Sure. (Gets out of her coffin shuts Sam’s and starts pulling it) 

Jordan: Do you have the key? (May gives her the key and she unlocks the cuffs and gets in her own coffin) 

Fabian: (to Jordan) I promise I’ll be careful. (Closes coffin door) Ok, I need your help here.

May: I knew you would. (Later, they both have large round stakes of wood) Ok, we place the coffin on the stakes, we push slightly, they roll and we move each log in last position into front position and that makes our jobs so much easier. 

Fabian: Good plan! (Sniffs stake) Ugh! You can really smell the death on these things even after all these centuries. (Sniffs it again) Even if this guy wasn’t impaled I think his syphilis would’ve killed him anyway. (Starts rolling Jordan’s coffin and May follows suit)

Mary: (in coffin) That seems very ingenious. I’d follow their lead if I were you. 

Ellody: Noted. (Closes coffin door)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: Sometimes playing a smart game means acknowledging when someone has made a smarter decision than you and following their lead. But make no mistake, my team is still the smartest one here.

Dani: (to Syd in coffin) This is the only time I’m carrying you to your grave, got it?

Syd: Affirmative mom, I’ll happily be the pall bearer at your funeral. 

Dani: Not what I meant but lovely sentiments. (Closes the door and starts dragging the coffin)

Aaryn: (to Yves in coffin) You think you’ll be fine?

Yves: Oh come on we’ve posed in coffins before, remember the demons from hell photoshoot?

Aaryn: Of course, it was my first 1st place photo. 

Yves: If I can look terrifying while being buried under 6 feet of dirt, I can handle this. (Closes the door and Aaryn drags her off) 

Brody: Hop in man! (Geoff gets in and closes the door while Brody starts pulling)

Tom: I hope there’s enough room in there for your giant head and brilliant ideas. 

Jen: Well it’ll be nice to have you carry me for a change. (Gets in and closes the door)

Tom: The only change is that now you’re in a coffin. (Pushes it over spitefully)

Taylor: (is already in a coffin) I seriously can’t believe I’m doing this. 

Kelly: Just remember what’s at stake at the end. (Closes the door and starts pulling it)

Don: (voice) All the teams have exited the castle and are dragging their coffins to the graves, and some teams finally meet the Grave Digger.

Josee: (She finally gets the coffin with Jacques to an open grave. She notices Chet) Weren’t you 2 on the second flight? (She and Chet push their coffins into the graves.) 

Jacques: (He and Lorenzo get up) Is that the Grave Digger?! (A creepy old man is seen walking towards them with a shovel. Lightning flashes around him. They look worried) 

Chet: (worried) Well, he's certainly not the ice cream man.

Owen: (Noah is pushing him into the grave) There's ice cream?! Let me out!

Noah: Well, if you say so. (Noah pushes Owen into the grave while he screams) There we go.

Lorenzo: (To Chet) Come on nerd, we need to get the tip. (They turn around to come face-to-face with the Grave Digger who holds the tip with a machete) AUGHHH! (He and Chet fall into the grave but then figure out he's giving them a tip) Oh. Thanks. (Reads the tip) Ride on horseback to The Romanian Gymnastics Training Center and find the Don Box with your next tip.

Chet: Horseback? (They turn around to see a bunch of horses neighing behind them. The teams head for the horses and ride out to the Training Center) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Chet: Sweet, we're in first place.  
\---> Lorenzo: Yeah, last time I ever won anything was that time I won that medal for being so awesome.  
\---> Chet: (Glares) You stole that from my cereal box!  
\---> Lorenzo: (pushes him off-screen) Quit ruining my moment, Skunk-Spray! (Chet charges at him, tackling him off-screen)

Dwayne: (Junior is trying to push the coffin with Dwayne in) Okay kiddo, lower me in slowly. (Junior pushes him hard into the grave) Oww...

Junior: (winces) Sorry dad... 

Crimson: (Ennui is carrying her coffin) Stop. (Gets out of the coffin like Nosferatu) It’s against the rules but this might be your only chance, or at least the only one you’ll remember. (They switch roles, Crimson pulls the coffin while Ennui is the one inside) 

Ryan: (he gets out of the grave and gets spooked by the Grave Digger) AUGGHH! (He grabs the tip) Thanks?

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: Me and Stephanie had a tough time finding the graveyard.  
\---> Stephanie: (Pissed) You mean I had a tough time finding the graveyard!  
\---> Ryan: Hey. We're still ahead of most of the teams.  
\---> Stephanie: That means nothing! We need to be ahead of all the teams! (Walks off leaving Ryan alone)  
\---> Ryan: Uhhhh, go team?

Brody: (He and Geoff are with the grave digger getting their tip) Dude when you snuck up on us that was epic! Epic!

(Devin and Leo are effortlessly carrying their coffins while Sanders struggles to push the one with MacArthur) 

MacArthur: (in the coffin) Use your glutes cadet!

Sanders: I am!

(Miles is dragging Laurie but notices bats flying around her. She gets scared and tries to shoo them away, accidentally slapping one to the ground and they all fly away)

Miles: Oh, no. What have I done?!

Laurie: (inside the coffin) What did you do?

Miles: Nothing! (Continues to drag) Great, another punishment for us eating meat. Animals are attacking me now. 

Fabian: (Moving stakes) Don’t worry, the bats aren’t after you. They’re just after all the insects buzzing around your head.

Miles: Well that’s kind of a relief. (The bugs Fabian was talking about start biting her skin) AAHH! And there’s some more punishment. 

(Gabriella is seen with Nekota’s coffin on her back and she’s crawling like a turtle, a very fast turtle)

Gabriella: This is much quicker than pulling. (At the side of the grave) Brace yourself man! (Leans over and the coffin falls into the grave.)

Nekota: (jumps out like a boss) Hyah! (The grave digger appears beside him to give him the tip) Thanks! (Reads it) Let’s go! (They leave)

Kelly: (about to push Taylor) This may hurt little! (Pushes the coffin into the grave) 

Taylor: (gets out) Grossgusting! (The grave digger gives them the tip) Finally! Let’s get out of this crappy horror show! (They leave) 

(Teams are seen riding on horses to the Training Center. Josee/Jacques pass the step-brothers while smiling, interestingly enough their horse does too.)

Jacques: (he gets to the Don Box first) It's a Botch-or-Watch. (Gasps) Gymnastics! (He and Josee laugh and glare at the camera)

Don: (He's hanging from two ropes with rings on them) Gymnastics! Nasty gym antics! Whoever didn't face the bullet ants back in Brazil must perform two gymnastic feats. (He’s now on a balance beam walking on it and doing a split jump at the end) First they must walk a balance beam and perform a split jump at the end. (Smirks) High school team. (Gets hit in the crotch by a football. He is now seen running towards a vaulting horse.) Second, complete a flip over this vaulting horse. (He does so but goes flying off-screen) NO! NO! NO! (Crashes and is hit on the crotch again by a football) Owww! (He stands next to a local Romanian Gymnastics coach clutching his crotch) Complete both to get the thumbs up from this local Gymnastics coach, Bela Karaoke.

Bela: I hate everyone.

Don: Don't get a thumbs up and you have to go to the back of the line and start all over. (Stands by the Chill Zone outside) Once finished, it's a foot race down this road to the Chill Zone. Last team here may be eliminated. Do we have any ice? 

(Inside the Training Center)

Josee: Come on bun-bun don't let me down. (She kisses Bun-Bun as she jumps onto the balance beam and walks and jumps at the end perfectly. She then moves on to the vaulting horse and does a perfect flip and lands on the cushion. Bela gives Josee the thumbs up.)

Josee/Jacques: (they smile and wave to the camera as they run to the Chill Zone) Hello, first place! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Of course I'm good at gymnastics. It's almost like ice dancing except we wear knives on our feet and there's no soft cushion to land on. Just SOLID, HARD ICE! (Glares at Jacques)  
\---> Jacques: (groans) I said I was sorry like ten times. When will you forgive me?  
\---> Josee: Have we won the Olympics or this Race?  
\---> Jacques: No.  
\---> Josee: Then I still don't forgive you. (Smiles widely into the camera)

Don: (voice) Jacques and Josee may take 1st again but the race for not last place is ongoing.

Emma: (getting out of the grave) Come on Kitt! Let’s hustle. (She and Kitty leave)

(Sanders pushes MacArthur into a grave)

MacArthur: (gets out of the grave) Good job using your glutes! (She and Sanders run off)

(Tom pushes Jen in with scorn)

Jen: Ow! Ok I know you did that purposefully! You made me chip 3 of my press on nails! 

Tom: (Turns around to see the grave digger with tip) AAAHHH! (Falls into grave)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Tom kept taking breaks every ten feet. He seriously needs to work out more.  
\---> Tom: Or maybe Jen could lay off the bread. (Jen takes offense to this)  
\---> Jen: Fez hats aren’t cool and you’ll never make them popular.  
\---> Tom: You mean like that time you tried to make plaid leg warmers happen?  
\---> Jen: (Gasps) I can’t even! (Walks off)

Fabian: (Still moving the stakes along so the coffin moves forward) Man May this is going great!

May: Thanks I know. (The coffins carrying Jordan and Sam are about to fall into two adjoining graves) Guys brace yourselves! 

Jordan/Sam: (inside the coffins) Okay. (They both fall in and get out unharmed. All four of them get the tips and head off to the horses)

Ellody: (Mary’s coffin is about to fall in too) Brace for impact! (The coffin falls in and Mary climbs out. They get the tip and head off)

Dani: Brace yourself honey. (Pushes the coffin in. Syd climbs out and leaps into his mother’s arms when he sees the grave digger. They take the tip and leave)

Aaryn: (pushes Yves coffin into the grave) Sorry man. 

Yves: (gets out) No problem. (Both shriek when they see the gravedigger present their next tip to them)

Aaryn: Let’s run! (They run like hell)

Devin: (about to push in Carrie’s coffin when he sees Leo about to push in Annie’s) Wow, you are a lot stronger than you look.

Leo: Thanks, you to. You do football?

Devin: No, volleyball. (Pushes Carries coffin in) What do you do, basketball?

Leo: Nope, baseball and dance. (Uses his legs to gingerly push Annie’s coffin in) 

(Both Carrie and Annie get out and get the tips and the two teams leave on horseback)

Quince: Here goes nothing. (Pushes June into the grave)

June: (leaps out like a gazelle) Viola! (Grave digger gives them the tip) Onward to victory! (They run off) 

(Miles pushes Laurie’s coffin into the grave and a bunch of rats crawl out of it)

Laurie: I’m so sorry! (They get the tip then leave)

(Chillzone)

Don: (Josee and Jacques arrive first) Ice Dancers, you're in fir-(cut off by Josee)

Josee: First place! First place! (Jumps in the air) Still the champs! (She and Jacques walk off.) Woo hoo!

Don: (glares) Is it just me or are they getting more annoying with each leg? Anyway your prizes today are two original copies of Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” and two custom built coffins, the last prize you’ll ever use.

Jacques: How morbid.

(Back the training center) 

Chet: (he performs on the balance beam while flipping and is able to complete the horse) Yes! (Bela goes up to him and gives him the thumbs up)

Geoff: (with Lorenzo) Wow, he's pretty good.

Lorenzo: (rolls his eyes) Yeah cause he does Rhythmic Gymnastics. If he had any guts he'd join my class: "Karate” (Does a few chops and kicks) Hiya!

Geoff: That's sweet dude! It means you guys bring different skills to the table, which makes you a good team. 

Lorenzo: (alone) Me and Chet?! A good team?! Yeah right! 

Chet: (off-screen) Hey! I'm done! You coming or what?

Lorenzo: (begins walking out) Yes!

Owen: (has reached the vaulting horse but the bungee won’t let him jump because he's too big) I think this thing is broken.

Noah: Not as broken as our chances of winning. (Sees Emma) And here comes Emma.

Emma: (runs behind Owen) Great. (She jumps over him and nails the landing. Noah continues to stare at Emma as she gets the thumbs up. She grabs Kitty and they leave) Wow.... (Owen lands on him) Ow.

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (alone) Wow, Emma… really stuck that landing. 

(Taylor watches as her mother gets on the beam and then walks off the edge)

Ellody: Let’s do some quick calculations first to decide what marks you need to hit and how you need to hit them. 

Mary: Agreed. (They draw on paper)

Fabian: (he and May sit off to the side) Man did I luck out. I’m not flexible in any way, shape or form. 

May: Shh. They’re about to do it. 

(Jordan and Sam walk on the balance beam and they both do the jump split perfectly. Fabian and May clap. They then approach the springboard. Jordan is the first to try, she runs, jumps, and makes the landing. Her friends cheer and she gets the thumbs up. She watches Sam about to do his jump. He runs, jumps, but is unable to make it, he crashes and his leg is shown to be bending backwards)

Everyone but Karaoke, the goths, the animaniacs and May: AAAAAAHHH!!

(Sam reveals that he purposely bent his leg backwards and puts it back into place just as easily. He then bends his leg in both directions for a while, almost everyone laughs. Karaoke disapproves and he has to try again)

May: Meet you guys at the chill zone! 

Jordan/Fabian: Okay! (They run off)

Sam: (to May) Don’t worry, I promise I’ll stick it this time. (Runs towards the springboard again. He jumps and this time he sticks the landing. Karaoke approves and gives him the tip) Let’s jet! (He and May run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: Me and my brother aren’t gymnasts but we are hypermobile. (Puts her hands behind her back then brings them forward to the front.)  
\---> Sam: That’s nothing. (Bends his body into a complicated pretzel shape) This won me the 9th grade talent show.  
\---> Jordan: Only so you wouldn’t do something even more disturbing next year.

Don: (Owen and Noah run to the Chill Zone) Reality pros in second! (They cheer) (Emma/Kitty and Chet/Lorenzo appear) You guys get Third and Fourth!

Emma: Yes! Finally!

Chet: See I’m pretty useful after all. (Lorenzo kicks him off screen)

(A montage of the different contestants doing this challenge are shown. Crimson is seen doing the balance beam while Dwayne struggles behind her. Sanders uses her glutes to complete the challenge and MacArthur nods in approval.) 

Gabriella: Here I go! (Successfully does the balance beam then makes quicker work of the vaulting horse. Karaoke claps and gives her the thumbs up. She and Nekota leave)

Karaoke: (clapping) That was spectacular! 

June: You haven’t seen nothing yet. (To Leo) Watch this Tintin. (Effortlessly completes the balance beam and then jumps off the vaulting horse where she spins in the air and lands on the ground perfectly. Karaoke gives her the thumbs up as well. ) Think you can pass the bar exam?

Leo: Just watch Louise Brooks! (Copies the routine June just did except he manages to spin in the air longer and also makes the landing. Karaoke gives him two thumbs up. He runs right up next to June) Are you impressed?

June: Actually yes. I didn’t think you could do that.

Leo: Tap and Jazz dance baby.

June: Tap, jazz, ballet and so much more! (They stare at each other intensely)

Annie: (interrupts them) Uh, hello? 

Quince: We have a race to not lose. (All four of them leave)

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: Were you crushing on June?  
\---> Leo: Hell no! I was just trying to psyche her out. How dare she think she’s better than me with her (Lovingly) leonine like grace and her sepia hair with the blue, pink, and white high-lights and her spade shaped face and almandine eyes and her strong flapper like body… (Snaps back to it) She’s going down!  
\---> Annie: Sure she is.

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: Did you try to flirt with that Leo guy?  
\---> June: As if I’d ever flirt with that fool, with his (Lovingly) Greco roman like physique and the fair alabaster skin with lightly scattered freckles and those deep blue eyes of ethereal beauty and his soft ginger hair in a quiff cut and his Cleopatra nose and… (Realizes she was lost in thought) He’s gotta go next!  
\---> Quince: If you say so.

(Ryan is on the balance beam.)

Stephanie: (glares) Do it right!

Ryan: (goes to jump but hits his crotch) OWWW! (Falls to the ground)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Twelve year old girls can do this and you can't?!  
\---> Ryan: Yelling isn't going to help me. (Crosses her arms)

Don: 5th place! (Jordan and Fabian cheer) 6th place! (May and Sam cheer) 7th! (Kelly hugs Taylor while she moans) 

Jordan: Well wasn’t this fun?

May: Oh, totally. We got so many new ideas for our first haunted house. 

Fabian: It’ll certainly be something I’ll never forget, no matter how hard I try, but at least my necklace (holds up necklace) paid for itself. (Werewolf howls in the background. He looks around but doesn’t see anything) 

(Devin attempts to do the jump but falls flat on his back. Karaoke sends him back)

(Syd and Aaryn get on the beam and complete the jump, though Aaryn with a bit more hesitation) 

(Ryan is struggling on the balance beam)

Stephanie: It’s a balance beam, so balance! (Syd and Aaryn approach the vaulting horse) 

Aaryn: Maybe you should go first man. 

Syd: With pleasure. (Runs towards the horse then jumps and lands perfectly. Karaoke approves.)

Dani: Yay, Syd! (They leave.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: When I was younger my mom signed me up for gymnastics and boxing. It didn’t really stick but it apparently did come in use here.  
\---> Dani: You’re welcome. 

Aaryn: (to himself) Okay, just do what you’ve seen Yves do. (Runs to the horse, jumps off then lands. It wasn’t anything special but Karaoke gives him the thumbs up anyway)

Yves: Not bad, for an amateur, but I could’ve done this perfectly.

Aaryn: I’ll believe it when I see it. (They run off)

Don: (Goths arrive) You’re in 8th place! Or would be if you didn’t break the rules with the coffin. (A big 10:00 appears above their heads) Ten minute penalty!

Crimson: Worth it.

(Tom approaches the vaulting horse but only does a tiny jump which doesn’t impress the Judge. Miles tries to balance on the beam but stumbles and falls.)

Stephanie: (pushing Ryan towards the horse) You got this baby! 

(Ryan approaches the horse and but only slams his face into it)

Don: (Leo/Annie arrive) 8th! (June/Quince arrive) 9th! (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 10th! (Macarthur/Sanders Arrive) 11th! (Dwayne/Junior arrive) 12th! (Geoff/Brody arrive) 13th! (Dani/Syd arrive) 14th! (Aaryn/Yves arrive) 15th!

Dani: (hugs everyone) See this alliance is working out great, right?

Syd/Aaryn/Yves: Yeah! / Sure! / Totally! 

Nekota: I didn’t get the chance to say this to you back at the training center but you rocked it!

Gabriella: Like Gabrielle Douglas?

Nekota: Like Gabrielle Douglas. (They hug) 

Annie: Aww. (Tries to hug Leo) 

Leo: No hugging. 

Quince: Great job back there, if this were the Olympics, I’d have given you the gold. 

June: Like I didn’t already know that would happen, but thanks for the compliment anyways. 

Carrie: (to Devin) You can do this! I believe in you!

Devin: (smiles) Thanks homie! (He runs to the vaulting horse and makes the landing) Yes! (Carrie hugs him) Let's go! (He and Carrie head for the Chill Zone)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I don't know what it is but whenever Carrie encourages me I suddenly feel like I can do anything. She's really the best partner I could ask for.

(Miles tries the horse but falls over.)

Ellody: Okay, I think we’re done. (Instructing Mary) Okay, now you just need to keep your center of balance right on the soles of your feet then launch yourself off the horse at a 100 degree angle and then spin for 2 seconds to generate the angular momentum necessary to for you to land correctly. 

Mary: Got it. (Follows the calculations precisely. Karaoke gives them the thumbs up and they leave)

Stephanie: Ryan, we're in the bottom with the hippies and the fashion police! Hurry up!

Ryan: O-okay... (He begins running to the vaulting horse and jumps on the bungee. He misplaces his foot and hits the horse with his head.) OWW! (He hits the bungee that sends him flying into a wall)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: (groans in anger) What’s wrong with you today?!  
\---> Ryan: I-I don't know. I'm trying and - (cut off by Stephanie)  
\---> Stephanie: Well try HARDER! (Ryan is shocked and just stares at the camera)

Don: 16th to Devin and Carrie. (They run off as Mary and Ellody arrive) Geniuses take 17th! With only three teams left the goths look nervous. (Camera pans to reveal that they aren’t nervous at all) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: Even if we get eliminated. This’ll still be the best night ever.  
\---> Ennui: Being in that coffin. I’ve never felt so alive. (Both crack a small smile, it’s not anything special but it’s significant) 

Laurie: Just stick to it, you can do it!

Miles: (exhausted) Thanks for the words of encouragement.

(Miles tries to jump again but fails once again. Ryan tries to jump but is thrown back once again)

(Tom tries to jump but only succeeds in smashing his head into a light, electrocuting him and making him land flat on the carpet)

Jen: Tom! (Runs over to her partner and successfully performs the vaulting horse) Are you okay?

Tom: (kind of ruffed up) I’m sorry. I’m so bad at gymnastics. You know my strengths are in coordinating clothing. If you we’re doing this we’d already be done. You’re so much better at this than me, you’re better than me at everything.

Jen: (hugs him) Tom you’re great at everything you put your mind to. 

Tom: Oh, thank you sweet girl. (Gets up) I’m going to do it and do it right this time!

Jen: (puts on a fez hat) I believe in you.

Stephanie: You don’t get to quit on me that easily! (Props up Ryan) Now do it!

Miles: (in tears) This is pointless! I can’t do anything right today! This is all because I ate meat isn’t it?! (To the sky) Well I’m sorry!! I thought we had no choice!! (Laurie looks determined and slaps her) Okay, I deserved that.

Laurie: No you didn’t. June was right, we need to put our mistakes behind us and leave them in the past where they belong. Yes the past hurts but that pain allows us to learn from it. Remember even Gandhi started life out as a lawyer and look at what became of him. You can do this! Just believe in yourself!

Miles: (more determined) You’re right! I can do this! 

Don: (buzzer goes off) Goths your time is up. You’re in 18th! (They nonchalantly walk to the carpet) Well that was pretty lucky right?

Ennui: I guess.

Jen/Laurie: Come on Tom you can do this! /You can do it Miles!

Stephanie: Don’t you DARE f**k this up! 

(Tom approaches the horse. He flips around a few times before sticking the landing. Miles and Ryan follow shortly behind. All three of them get the approval) 

Stephanie: (Ryan finally completes the jump after Miles) Come on let's go! (She and Ryan run to the Chill Zone. The bloggers and the Vegans follow)

(Outside everyone runs like hell)

Tom: The blog was your idea, it’s yours.

Jen: No, you made so many great changes to it. It’s yours.

Tom: Let’s just say it’s ours. 

Jen: Yeah!

Tom: I always want to work with you Jen!

Jen: Me too Tom! (They take the lead) 

Stephanie: Come on! (She and Ryan run faster)

Laurie: Run! (She and Miles pick up the pace) How are they so much faster?

Don: (Tom and Jen arrive) Fashion bloggers are still in it at 19th! (Tom and Jen hug in joy while jumping up and down) And nice hats.

Tom: (smiling) Thanks! (They move off to the side)

Don: Only one spot left, who’s gonna make it? (The Daters arrive before the Vegans) Daters, you're in 20th place!

Ryan: (cheers) Yes! 

Stephanie: What are you cheering for?! That’s second to last! That’s not celebratory! (She walks off angrily as Ryan follows her confused)

Don: (to Laurie and Miles) Vegans, I'm sorry but here lies the end of your participation in the Race. It was a tofu break ladies, maybe you can get jobs at a Tempe agency. Anyway soy long. (Miles looks dejected until Laurie hugs her and cheers her up. They leave quietly) With the last truly selfless team gone, this race just got better. Who's going to win the next part of the race? Find out next time on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera) 

=== Best of Laurie and Miles === (A slideshow of the Vegans best moments from the Ridonculous Race are shown. Laurie and Miles voice over as it happens)

Laurie: (voice) I’m still furious about not technically having to eat meat. But at least we stuck true to ourselves as best as we could.

Miles: (voice) I’m madder that all our plans for the money can’t happen now, that money could’ve helped so many animals.

Laurie: (voice) Yes, but at least our hearts we’re in the right place, well not the one’s we ate but our real hearts. 

Miles: (voice) It’s not about us, it’s about everything else and with or without that money we’ll always seek to help everyone and everything, and that’s what really makes us winners.

(They are now seen walking on a street in Transylvania as bats swarm round them)

Laurie: There are a lot of bats right now, should we be concerned?

Miles: Of course not, they’re just after all the bugs in the air. (They swarm around them in greater fury) And I’m pretty sure they’re more afraid of us than we are of them. (The bats swarm even more furiously) Run!

(The bats fill the screen as the Vegans screaming is drowned out by the bats shrieking)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original episode isn't one of my favorite, for obvious reasons, but as someone who follows Halloween Horror Nights on social media I was rearing to make this episode even more terrifying than it already was, just read Sam's haunted house idea. You might wonder what was the point in saving Laurie & Miles if I was only gonna cut them in the next episode? Well I just wanted them to have a more dignified exit. They've learned to look past the mistake of eating meat and will always keep fighting for animals. I spared Tom and Jen and trust me they've got a much bigger role to play this time around, you'll see what i mean starting next episode. The seed of romance begins its germination but on who is the question, see if you can find our love birds. My favorite part this chapter has to be Sam fake twisting his leg. 
> 
> Rankings:  
> Jacques & Josee (1st Place)  
> Owen & Noah (2nd Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (3rd Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (4th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (5th Place)  
> Sam & May (6th Place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (7th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (8th Place)  
> June & Quince (9th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (10th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (11th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (12th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (13th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (14th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (15th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (16th Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (17th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (18th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (19th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (20th Place)
> 
> Placements:  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	10. Hawaiian Honey-ruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get hot and wet when the teams head to Hawaii, but not everyone finds it paradise

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, we visited Count Dracula's creepy crib and everyone was scared silly. Well, almost everyone. Yes, the Goths felt right at home and Sam and May took to this place like ducks to water. The Ice Dancers won, again, while Noah seems to have developed feelings for Emma. Tom and Jen hit a minor bump in their partnership but were able to overcome it. Sadly, the Vegans we’re unable to make the cut and we said soy long to them. Who will lose this week? Find out today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return at the Transylvanian Chill Zone from last episode. Don stands in front of a Don Box with the Ice Dancers behind him.)

Don: Welcome back. Yesterday's Chill Zone will be today's starting line. Yesterday's winners, the Ice Dancers, will start.

Josee: (grabs the tip and reads it) Take a donkey cart to the airport in Bucharest and take a flight to (she and Jacques smile widely) HAWAII!

Don: (he's seen in a slideshow of Hawaii) Hawaii! Home of beautiful sunshine, ukuleles, volcanoes, coral reefs and shirts that should only be worn ironically. (Don walks outside a Hawaiian airport) Once teams land, they'll need to find this Don Box. (He sees the Don Box is dressed with a tacky Hawaiian shirt. He glares and goes to his earpiece) Ha ha, very funny wardrobe. Who planned this?

(Back in Romania. The teams run to the donkey carts, they'll contain 3 teams each. They ride out for the airport. The first one contains Josee/Jacques, Emma/Kitty, and Owen/Noah. Josee and Jacques drive. In the back Kitty is playing charades while Owen is the one to guess.)

Kitty: (holding her fingers as a square)

Owen: Ooh, goal post, picture frame, box of candy. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Playing games is for children, we stay focused on our goals at all times.  
\---> Jacques: I’m so determined I haven’t washed my boxers since the race started.  
\---> Josee: That’s not determination that’s gross!  
\---> Jacques: Well maybe some people think your rabbit’s foot is gross. Eh?  
\---> Josee: (cradling it) Don’t listen to him bun-bun

Owen: Cheesecake?

Kitty: (flexes finger) Click.

Owen: Oh, exploding chocolate cheesecake!

Emma: It was camera you fool! (To Noah) How do you put up with this all day long? (Notices he’s not paying attention to her) Hello? (Waves in his direction but through his eyes he sees her waiving lovingly at him)

Owen: You ok man?

Noah: My stomach feels funny.

Owen: Do you need to go to the bathroom? 

Jacques: Hold on! (The three teams hold on as their donkey cart gets shaky. Josee's rabbit foot falls out of her pocket and falls off the road as they pass on. The next cart comes into view, it contains Chet/Lorenzo, Fabian/Jordan, and May/Sam. May and Sam are driving the cart)

Chet: (covers his nose) Man, this donkey stinks!

Lorenzo: I don't know, this donkey smells way better than you.

Chet: (glares) Take that back, loser!

Lorenzo: (glares back) Make me, nerd!

Chet: Well the donkey says you smell worse.

Lorenzo: Donkeys don’t talk!

Chet: Really? Cause you exist!

Jordan: God, how can these two keep on fighting? Don’t they exhaust themselves out being so bitter all the time?

Sam: One of life’s great mysteries.

May: No the real mysteries in life are why Adam Sandler, Donald Trump, and Tila Tequila are employed.

Sam: That’s no mystery, that’s America.

May: (laughs) Good point.

Jordan: (to Fabian) You’re not bothered by this?

Fabian: In a family of 5 daughters I grew used to the sound of bickering between siblings, but I’ve never heard two brothers fight before. 

(We move on to the next cart. It carries Kelly/Taylor, Leo/Annie, and June/Quince. Leo and Annie drive the cart)

Annie: Doesn’t Hawaii sound like so much fun? Like Elvis’ Blue Hawaii or Lilo and Stitch.

Leo: Yeah, for once I’m very excited about where we’re going.

Annie: I’m just glad we get to spend some real time together. (To Taylor) Still, it must be fun competing with your mom.

Taylor: Yeah but I'd rather race with my dad, in all honesty.

Kelly: Taylor's more of a "Daddy's Girl".

Taylor: Me and Daddy have way more in common. We both like being successful and we both hate avocados. 

Annie: (to the Julliard students) Did you two think about racing with your family?

Quince: My parents are on the run for jewel forgery. So I’ve been raised by my Aunt Emilie since I was 5. 

Leo: Oh, I’m so sorry.

Quince: It’s sweet that you’d give your sympathies to them but don’t bother. They may have been responsible for my creation but they let their vices control them and abandoned me and almost never talk or contact me. My Aunt is my only parent as far as I’m concerned. 

June: And Quince is pretty much the only one who tolerates me for extended periods since I left my parents to live with my cousins. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Wow, I never realized Quince’s situation at home. It just makes me realize that I should be more grateful for the time I spend with you.   
\---> Annie: I’m always grateful for the time we spend together. (They hug)

(We move on to the next cart. It carries MacArthur/Sanders, Dwayne/Junior, and Gabriella/Nekota. MacArthur and Sanders drive the cart)

MacArthur: (the donkey farts) Whoa! Donkey! (Cheers and laughs)

Sanders: (covers her nose) Eww! That's disgusting.

MacArthur: (gets up) You challenging me donkey?! Alright but it's your funeral! (Points her butt to the donkey and farts at it) OH YEAH!

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I can't back down from a good, old-fashioned fart-down. It's a personal pride of mine. (Her stomach growls) Uh oh. Got another one coming!  
\---> Sanders: I'm out. (She runs ways)  
\---> MacArthur: W-where are you going? Come back! You're gonna miss all the action. (Farts but suddenly grabs her behind) Uh oh. Got a Code 6. Officer needs TP. (Runs off)

Junior: (Sighs) 

Dwayne: What's wrong Junior?

Junior: It's just that we never really place high in the game very often and I feel like we could be going home soon.

Dwayne: (chuckles) Not to worry Junior, I have confidence today will be the day we win something. (Hugs Junior who feels uncomfortable)

Gabriella: Hey little man. Believe in your father, he seems pretty cool.

Junior: Really? If he was your father would you race with him?

Gabriella: If he was my father I’d have to race with him, because my dad is the only parent I’ve got.

Junior: What happened to your mom?

Gabriella: She’s a political prisoner and can’t leave the country of Uruguay.

Dwayne: She’s in jail?

Gabriella: No, she’s living at a flat in Montevideo. But her green card was revoked so she can’t come live in America.

Junior: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. You must miss her all the time.

Gabriella: Well that’s why Skype was invented. Well not for that specific purpose but we use it to talk all the time. 

Nekota: Don’t take your parents for granted man, there are many other kids who would kill to have a father like yours, simply because they don’t have one. 

(We now move onto the next donkey cart. Aaryn/Yves, Geoff/Brody, & Syd/Dani are in it. Syd and Dani drive)

Geoff: So you two had to outrun an explosion?

Yves: Yeah and the smell of burnt hair was lingering in the house for days. We were in no real danger anyway. The explosion was specifically designed to detonate after we had stepped off the platform. 

Aaryn: Fun fact: the chemicals used in the explosion where Ammonium nitrate and Manganese heptoxide.

Brody: Dude epic! (Aaryn and Brody fist bump) So how come I’ve never seen your photos?

Yves: It wasn’t for a real ad campaign, just a shoot for the show. We had to look like we could be on an action movie poster, I was 1st called for women.

Aaryn: I was 3rd place for men.

Dani: Syd are you excited? Our alliance is working great and we’re going to Hawaii! Think about the Mai Thai’s and macadamia nuts, oh and poi. Never had it but I’ll definitely try it.

Syd: Yeah mom, looks like you’ll get that 2nd honeymoon you never got to have.

Dani: Honeymoons are for newlyweds, you and I are going on a trip around the world. 

Syd: Remember mom it’s not a vacation, this is still a competition.

Dani: Yeah, yeah. Just remember, Hawaii is a place where dreams can come true.

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: Okay, so my plan is that while I’m in Hawaii I tell Aaryn my feelings for him. It’ll be the perfect setting, so long as a volcano doesn’t blow.

(We now move onto the next donkey cart. Crimson/Ennui, Carrie/Devin, and Mary/Ellody are in it. Crimson and Ennui drive.)

Crimson/Ennui: (Both sigh sadly) 

(Confessional)   
\---> Crimson: We're sad that we're leaving Transylvania. It feels like a second home.  
\---> Ennui: And now we have to leave Romania for a tropical island full of sunshine and happiness? (They shudder)

(Devin is sleeping while Carrie talks to the geniuses)

Carrie: So how do you two feel about your chances so far?

Ellody: Brimming with excitement.

Mary: We may not be as athletic as that Ice dancing team or that couple that hangs out at the gym but we can easily outthink anyone in this competition. So what’s your major?

Carrie: Oh, I’m not in college yet. And even if I was I wouldn’t know what to take. I really like the silent spring and maybe I could do something with that.

Ellody: Environmentalism? At least choose something worthwhile like chemical engineering or coding.

Carrie: But I don’t think I can do either of those things well.

Ellody: Very well, it’s your life to waste.

(Confessional)   
\---> Carrie: I want to like Mary and Ellody but I feel like they think that their brainpower automatically puts them ahead of everyone. Some of the people here are smart, it’s just that everyone’s not smart academically.

(Now we're at the last donkey cart. Ryan/Stephanie and Tom/Jen are on this one. Ryan and Stephanie are driving.)

Stephanie: Is there a whip anywhere?

Ryan: I don’t see one.

Stephanie: (Glares) Well look harder!

Ryan: What? I really don’t see a whip.

Stephanie: Just shut up and let me focus on driving!

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: I’m not normally competitive.  
\---> Ryan: (under his breath) Yes, you are.  
\---> Stephanie: But hey, it’s a competition, so yeah. (Shouting) When the going gets tough of course we’ve got to kick it into over drive and get competitive to win!

Stephanie: (to the donkey) Hey Horse wannabe. You know how important this? We are not gonna come in last place because of you so MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!

Tom: (He and Jen lie way in the back of the cart) Ugh, she’s so loud. Why didn’t we ride with another team?

Jen: Let’s not complain and take this time to evaluate our strategy in private. We almost lost last time because we let something as silly as an argument over who started our blog get between us.

Tom: You’re right it was silly for us to let personal pride come between us. So what should we do now?

Jen: Let’s do what Aaryn and Yves did.

Tom: Form an alliance? 

Jen: Not an alliance. We just work together with a team, they help us, we help them and either team can go ahead without the other if they need to. But with whom is the question. The goths?

Tom: Too creepy.

Jen: The cadets?

Tom: Too loud.

Jen: The Ice Dancers?

Tom: Have you seen their outfits?

Jen: Ugh, good point. 

Tom: What if we team up with the models and Mother/son? We’ve already got a good rapport with Aaryn and Yves. 

Jen: Nah, I think a third team might be too much for them to handle.

Tom: Well how about Carrie and her partner, they seem nice enough.

Jen: And they do have adorable clothes. Okay, we’ll team up with the best friends, and we still owe Carrie an answer to her question anyway.

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: (holds up two plane tickets) We we’re so stressed about being last but it didn't matter cause all the teams were on the same flight.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: We need to do better after almost losing in Romania.  
\---> Tom: We’ll do anything to win in Hawaii. Even wear those tacky-ass shirts. (He and Jen shudder)

(The plane carrying all the teams lands in Hawaii. The teams walk into the airport and are greeted by a local giving away flower leis to the competitors.)

Don: (voice) As is the custom in Hawaii, teams are greeted with a lovely necklace made of local flowers. 

Chet: (the local gives him the flower lei and giggles where he smiles) O-oh. Hi, I'm Chet. (He blushes)

Lorenzo: (the local girl puts a flower lei on him and giggles as well) Oh. (Blushes) Hey. I'm Lorenzo. Glad to see you're interested in a real man.

Chet: (glares and pushes Lorenzo) No way! She's into me!

Lorenzo: (gets up and glares at Chet) As if! She's into me! (He tackles Chet into the ground where they begin fighting. The local girl walks past them and offers flower leis to Annie and Leo)

Annie: Mahalo. 

Owen: (he and Noah walk outside the airport) There's the Don Box! (They attempt to grab a tip but Emma pushes them out of the way) WHOA!

Emma: (Kitty shows up) We're getting this one! (Crosses her arms and glares) You guys might as well give up.

Owen: Oh boy, prepared to be "Noah'd"! Right Noah? (Noah's staring lovingly at Emma) Ummm, any second now. Noah?

Kitty: (reads the tip) It's a Botch-or-Watch. Whoever didn't do gymnastics in Romania must go diving for wedding rings? (Everyone looks confused)

Don: (He stands over the water on a wooden dock high above the water) In this challenge, Botchers must dive into Hawaii's most popular wedding bay and retrieve one of the rings from the bottom. Then swim to the tip of the beach of the bay to receive your next tip. (Points to some changing stations) Over here contestants will be allowed to change into their bathing suits for this challenge.

Emma: Let's go! (The teams run to the diving challenge. Noah is still staring at Emma lovingly) 

Owen: (goes up to Noah) You okay buddy? (Lifts him up) Maybe it's rabies.

Fabian: Actually, Hawaii is the only state were there’s never been a documented case of rabies.

Owen: Well there’s a 1st time for everything. (He runs off with Noah over his shoulders)

Josee: (she and Jacques run to the Don box) Wait, somethings wrong! (Her eyes widen) Oh no! I lost Bun-Bun!

Jacques: Relax Josee. It's all just a silly superstition. We don't need that rabbit's foot to win. It’s like you said about my boxers

Josee: Then take off you’re lucky gitch then.

Jacques: (looks nervous) I know today will be our day again. (Runs off) 

Josee: That’s what I thought.

(The teams arrive at the bay and head for the changing stations. A few teams are already done. Carrie/Devin, Ryan/Stephanie, Josee/Jacques, Emma/Kitty, MacArthur/Sanders, Geoff/Brody, and Owen/Noah wear their same bathing suits from canon Total Drama. Chet wears light purple swim trunks while Lorenzo wears dark purple swim trunks. Junior wears black and red shorts while Dwayne wears blue shorts with yellow flowers on them. Crimson and Ennui wear black wetsuits. Tom wears baby blue board shorts while Jen wears a stylish super cute sapphire tank suit. Aaryn wears a ginger colored pair of trunks with brown, orange, and green stipes while Yves wears a royal blue one piece with a yellow star in the center of her chest. Syd wears black, blue and white board shorts, you can see he’s got a comet shaped birth mark over his right pectoral, while Dani wears a black and white one piece. Leo wears dark blue and white board shorts with gold stripes while Annie wears a candy cane colored skirtini. Quince wears white shorts with red markings on them while June wears a black one piece with green, pink and orange stripes around her waist. Sam wears ultramarine short shorts while May wears a yellow skirtini with white plumeria flowers on it. Mary wears an ocher tankini while Ellody wears an orange one. Jordan wears a sky blue and white one piece while Fabian wears dark blue trunks with green leaves on them and a grey and blue swim shirt. Gabriella wears a black bikini top and black shorts while Nekota wears a black and grey jammer, he’s got a wave tattoo on his right pectoral. Kelly wears a golden tank suit while Taylor wears a beige tank suit.)

Sanders: (already outside) Come on, MacArthur! We need to move!

MacArthur: (Still changing) Hold on! Almost done. (She comes out and the bottom piece has polka dots) Ta da!

Sanders: (laughs) Nice polka dots.

MacArthur: What?! I thought they were bullet holes. 

May: (Sees something) Oh dear god!

Jacques: (wears a small, pink glittery speedo) Like what you see? Jealous much? (Does some suggestive posing) 

Sam: Define jealous. (Both divert their gaze and walk away)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: We blog about an anime concerning life guards where the main characters have spent a combined total of 24 minutes with their shirts on, but even we think that nobody looks good in speedo!  
\---> Sam: Yeah, even I wouldn’t date someone who dresses like that. And trust me my fashion sense is anything but normal. 

(Everyone stands on the dock to jump. The ones doing this Botch-or-Watch are Jacques, Fabian, May, Ellody, Junior, Taylor, Yves, Jen, Annie, Quince, Nekota, Ennui, Dani, Geoff, MacArthur, Stephanie, Lorenzo, Carrie, Kitty, and Noah.)

Jacques: See you all at the Chill Zone! (Laughs as he does a perfect flip into the water)

Kitty: (looks down scared) Looks pretty deep....

Emma: Don't worry. Just pretend it’s the pool at Nana's condo except with less old people. (Emma pushes Kitty off the dock and into the water)

Kitty: (comes up) Hey! You pushed me!

Emma: It was a push of encouragement. Now get the ring! (Kitty begrudgingly dives down)

Carrie: (hugs Devin) For luck. (Giggles as she jumps down)

Devin: You're going to rock this! (Carrie blushes and smiles as she falls. She hits a rock instead of the water) Wow, I didn't mean literally.

MacArthur: (to Geoff and Lorenzo) Cannonball?

Geoff/MacArthur/Lorenzo: YES! (They jump at the same time and cannonball in the water)

Brody: WHOA! GO MACARTHUR!!! YOU ROCK SO MUCH!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!

Sanders: You know she's my partner, right?

Brody: (to Geoff) You did good too bro. Woo!

Chet: (rolls his eyes) Well Lorenzo's cannonball was weak.

Leo: Think you got this? 

Annie: (climbs on Leo’s shoulders) I got this! (Jumps off her brother and into the bay) WOO HOO HOO!

June: Good luck man. 

Quince: I don’t need luck! YEAH! (Dives into the water like crazy)

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: I love to swim. Some people call me “Froggy” back home. Well that and the fact I do a pretty good impersonation of most frogs. (Whistles like the coqui then swims away)

Fabian: You’ll help me out right? 

May: Of course. (Sam gives her a Swiss army pocket knife) What's this?

Sam: It's so you can defend yourself. There are probably sharks down there.

May: Thanks but i don't think i'll need it. (Puts it in her Victoria's secret compartment) Now, (Gives Sam her glasses) I’m young forever! (Cheers as she dives head first into the bay flashing peace signs)

(Fabian just cannonballs into the bay)

Nekota: Watch this. (Steps back then runs and does a perfect Olympic style dive into the bay. People on the dock cheer. Leo, Devin, June, Gabriella, Jordan, Sam, Chet, Sanders, Brody, and Emma all hold up scorecards saying 10. Josee holds up a scorecard saying 9. Nekota then throws an octopus at her.) Oops, it slipped. (Laughs then goes off searching)

Kelly: (to Taylor as she stretches) Maybe now should be the time you start jumping in the water.

Taylor: Chill, mamasita. (Smiles) How many swim trophies do I have back home? Like a million.

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: Daddy had to reinforce the wall so it could hold all my trophies. Plus, my swim coach told me I was the best swimmer he’d ever seen!  
\---> Kelly: I’m not sure he said precisely tha - (cut off)   
\---> Taylor: EVER!

Taylor: (smirks) I’ve got this. (She jumps but crashes and sinks into the water)

Kelly: (people look at Kelly) I might have exaggerated what her swim coach said to her just a tad. (Nervously laughs)

Ryan: Come on Steph, I know you got this.

Stephanie: Thanks, but save the pep talks for yourself because you’re the one that struggles. (Dives in)

(Dwayne and Junior walk up to Jordan and Sam. Junior notices all of Sam’s tattoos)

Junior: Are those all real?

Sam: Yep. (Spins around so Junior can see all of them)

Junior: Cool, you’re like a tattooed zombie.

Sam: (laughs) Oh thank you. 

Dwayne: Remember what I said, no tattoos until you’re 20.

Junior: Yeah, yeah.

Dwayne: Now, have you eaten recently?

Junior: No dad I haven’t, I’m fine.

Dwayne: Well I just don’t want you cramping up.

Junior: Dad that’s just a myth. Hold my hat. (Gives him the hat and then jumps in)

Jordan: (spins around for Dwayne) Like my tank suit? The design is scientifically proven to confuse sharks. 

Jen: I have to go swimming again? Salt water won’t do my hair any favors.

Tom: Think about the blog Jen.

Jen: You’re right, for the blog! (Jumps in perfectly)

Tom: You can do this! (Notices mother/son and the models arrive) Hey! (Waves)

Aaryn/Yves/Syd: Hey! (Waves)

Dani: Hello there, Thomas is it?

Tom: Just Tom.

Yves: Here goes nothing. (Steps back and jumps in like the gymnast she is)

Aaryn: There’s that gymnast I know. 

Syd: Good luck mom.

Dani: Thanks sweetie. (She jumps in)

Syd: (To Aaryn) So looks like we’re alone. Want to talk?

Aaryn: Sure.

Tom: Don’t mind me I’ll just be over here admiring the bay. (Quietly) And eavesdropping.

Syd: So what types of shows do you watch? (Noah passes them and jumps in the bay)

Ellody: Do you have my goggles?

Mary: I’ve got everything we need to win. (Gives them to Ellody and she puts them on and then gives Mary her glasses)

Ellody: Here I go. (Dives in)

(A few contestants are seen swimming around the bay looking for wedding rings. MacArthur, Kitty, Carrie, Annie, Fabian, May, Jen, Ennui, and Geoff are seen swimming around and looking for rings but can't seem to find any. Jacques grabs something but it turns out to be a squid that sprays ink all over him. Geoff looks around and accidentally grabs an eel which gets him electrocuted. Jordan, Sam, Gabriella, Josee, Brody, Sanders, and Chet wait on the dock and they see bubbles. Suddenly, Jacques comes out with a ring.)

Josee: (cheers) YES! (Everyone else groans) See you all at the Chill Zone! Losers! (Runs off laughing) 

Geoff: (comes out of the water) Bro! I got a ring!

Brody: Awesome! Now head to the beach so we can get married! (Brody runs as Geoff swims.)

Stephanie: (Comes out of the water and glares at Ryan) Why aren't you helping me?!

Ryan: (rolls his eyes) It's a Botch-or-Watch meaning you're on your own and I’m all by myself, for once. (Laughs)

Stephanie: (growls) You’ll pay for that! (Dives back into the water)

Josee: (she runs) 1st place. Maybe Jacques is right. Maybe I can do this without Bun-Bun. (She trips then notices something in front of her) What?! (It’s a lava rock shaped like a trophy) It’s so light and warm. The energy, it’s beautiful. Come on! (Runs with the rock but then an elderly local man stops her) 

Local: (glares) Don’t take that rock.

Josee: Why?! You have a whole volcano full of them! 

Local: (storm clouds and lightning surround him) Beware, as the opposing forces of karma will defeat you. In the sunniest of times you will lose and you will get what you deserve when the time comes! (Josee looks around right as the storm clouds disappear)

Josee: Buzz off Grandpa! (Runs off and leaves the old man alone)

Local: (shakes his head) Kids these days. No respect for anything or anyone. 

Don: (voice) As our first place teams race to the next challenge, more teams search for rings. Will any of them survive? (Shrugs) Maybe? I don’t know but the only way to find out is to stay tuned and watch THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

(commercial break) 

(A montage of the contestants underwater are shown. Quince looks under clams for rings. Lorenzo and MacArthur try grabbing two but a crab pinches their fingers. Kitty, Carrie, and Jen search a cave for rings. Ennui and Annie look around for rings in the seaweed. Fabian and May search around some coral for rings. Junior finds a ring but Stephanie attempts to steal it from him. Taylor sees this and goes in to get it for herself. A shark swims around them causing them to hold each other in fear. As it closes in, Ellody approaches the shark then rubs its snout which stimulates it’s ampulae of lorenzini. The shark is completely at her commands. Taylor and Stephanie look at each other confused. Suddenly they realize the ring is gone and Junior has taken it, both looked peeved at him as he swims up to the surface)

(Back at the docks, the watchers wait for their teammates. Suddenly, Junior comes up with a ring)

Dwayne: Yes! Good job Junior. Now swim. 

Junior: Got it dad. (Swims)

Kelly: (Taylor comes out of the water with a ring) Atta girl! Now swim to the shore as fast you can okay?

Taylor: Don't sweat it mom! I'm serving this challenge with a side of Chipotle! (She starts swimming slowly. Kelly laughs nervously and just leaves)

Kitty: (comes out with a rings) KABLING!

Carrie: (comes out with Jen, both have rings) Got one!

Jen: Me too!

Emma: Good job Kitty!

Tom: Way to go Jen!

Devin: Carrie, you're amazing!

Carrie: (squeals and blushes) 

Kitty: (smiles) Did you just squeal? 

Carrie: N-no. I-I think it might have been a dolphin?

Jen: (smirks) I don't see any dolphins. (From behind her we see a dolphin jump out of the water with Annie riding on its back) 

Kitty: (the three of them swim) OMG! You're in love with him!

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: I know when love is in the air. I have a super sensitive love detector and it's been going off a lot lately.  
\---> Emma: Yeah right.  
\---> Kitty: So, noticed any guys from the other team looking your way?  
\---> Emma: (crosses her arms) No.  
\---> Kitty: (starts making car noises that starts to annoy Emma until she leaves the confessional) 

Carrie: (she, Jen, and Kitty swim) But we've been friends for so long and he has a girlfriend. So please just don’t say anything.

Kitty: We won't but maybe someone should. (She swims off as Carrie thinks)

Jen: Hey, mind if I swim along beside you?

Carrie: Sure no problem.

Don: (voice) As more teams take their rings and head out to the next challenge, some teams are still stuck in the bay. Meanwhile, the Ice Dancers say aloha to challenge one and aloha to challenge two.

Josee: (to Jacques) We're in first place! We can't lose! (Holds out the rock) Check this out! Nothing can stop us now! (Reads the tip) It's an All-In! In this Hawaiian wedding ritual, teams must walk on (gasps).

Don: FIRE! (He is seen walking on a trail of hot coals) Technically hot coals but fire sounds more thrilling. (Holds out a necklace made of leaves and a grass skirt with flowers) In this challenge, brides must wear grass skirts while grooms wear a wreath made of mahilei as they carry their bride over this path of hot coal. (Feels pain) Oof! It's a test of honor and strength! (The skirt and wreath are set on fire as he hops from foot to foot) If any part of the outfit gets set on fire, skirt included, it's back to the starting line! (Starts running and screaming) AUGHHHH! (Lands in front of the Ice Dancers with the lei and skirt burnt to a crisp) Once they reach the end untoasted it's a race to the Chill Zone. (The Chill Zone is seen near the water and some tiki statues. Don looks at his feet which are burned) Well, guess I have to take foot modeling off my resume! (Walks off pissed)

Josee: (starts putting on her skirt as she gives the leaves to Jacques) Hurry up! We need to move! (Geoff and Brody arrive)

(More teams are still searching for their rings. Noah sees two rings and smirks. Yves and Dani are looking for rings and find two on some coral. They take the rings and out comes a moray eel. They scream and swim up to the surface. Fabian looks through some seaweed, he gets the attention of May and gets her to follow him through the weeds. Nekota finds his ring on the tail fin of an angel shark, he removes it very carefully so the shark doesn’t get disturbed and then swims up.)

Syd: I thought that Hannah should’ve just admitted to Jake that she wasn’t ready for the full terms of marriage rather than just run away.

Aaryn: She did apologize and worked everything out the next episode.

Syd: Yeah but still he looked so dejected when she ran.

Aaryn: Well that’s life. Sometimes the only way you know what to do is when you can walk away and clearly assess the whole picture.

Syd: I guess. So have you been enjoying this time alone?

Aaryn: Yeah it’s been pretty nice. 

Syd: Can I tell you something?

Aaryn: Sure. 

Syd: Well we’ve worked so well before on previous challenges and we’ve discovered that we share so much in common. What with our enjoyment of girlfriends,

Aaryn: And the iron throne, 

Syd: And boardwalk city, 

Aaryn: And rebel riders, 

Syd: And a lot of other shows HBOG. Not to mention the same like of indie rock music and David O Russel’s and Rob Marshall’s films. 

Aaryn: Yeah it’s weird how much we have in common. 

Syd: Yeah. Would you care to (has difficulty saying the next words) date me?

Aaryn: Sure.

Syd: (shocked by what he just heard) Really, really?

Aaryn: Really, really. (Gives affectionate gesture to the head)

Tom: (Has seen and heard everything) Aww! Wait why am I still here? I need to meet Jen at the beach. (Runs off) 

Syd: That’s great! (Hugs him but then stops) Oh, sorry maybe I shouldn’t hug this early in the relationship. (Yves and Dani pop up) Oh, there are our teammates.

Yves: Let’s all move it!

Aaryn: I hear ya man. (He and Syd run off)

Dani: Boy isn’t it ironic? After pawning my original wedding ring I have to find one again just to stay in the game. 

Yves: A little too ironic?

Dani: Like rain on your wedding day?

Yves: Or a free ride when you’ve already paid? (She and Yves laugh and swim off)

(Back at the bay, Gabriella, Owen, and Ryan wait on the dock. Stephanie comes up angry.)

Stephanie: (glares) There are no rings left! This is ridiculous!

Noah: (comes out with two rings) I got two! (He starts swimming away) 

Owen: Yes!

Fabian: (comes out with ring) I found one! All by myself!

May: (Comes out with ring) And he found me another one!

Jordan: Good job! Start swimming!

Sam: See you all at the don-box! (The siblings run while May and Fabian swim)

Nekota: (Comes up with ring) Run for it babe! (Gabriella runs and Nekota swims off) 

Stephanie: (to Ryan) Don’t give me attitude! (Dives back down)

Owen: (to Ryan) She seems nice. (He runs)

Noah: (he swims while Owen runs until something grabs Noah) AUGHHH! SOMETHING’S GOT ME! SHARK! SHARK! (Gets dragged under)

Owen: Oh MY GOSH NOAH! Somebody help him! (Cries) Why wasn't I born a merman?!

(Suddenly, Noah comes up with Annie. She was the one dragging Noah down)

Annie: Hey could you tell me where you found a ring? I still haven’t found any. 

Noah: Well, I was going sell one for cash. (Gives Annie one of his rings) But here you go.

Annie: (smiles) Thanks! (Reveals she’s been on the back of a dolphin this whole time) See you at the chill zone, hopefully. (The dolphin carries her to the shore. Meanwhile Ellody passes by with her ring while on the back of the shark she tamed) 

Owen: (gasps) NOAH'S DYING!

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (he's drying himself on the beach) I'm not getting soft or anything it's just that I felt sorry for her. (Sighs) Yes, lately I've been distracted by Emma but it's not something where I feel (starts blushing massively) warm and gooey like a fresh chocolate chip cookie and I suddenly want to do nice things for people just because I'm falling for some... (Realizes what he's saying) GAHHH! (Gets up and runs off screen) GIVE ME BACK THAT RING!

(Back at the lava rocks, Jacques is carrying Josee over his head peacefully)

Josee: That's it Jacques, moving ahead nice and easy. Just like the Olympics this is one huge mind game. 

Jacques: (his eyes are closed while he walks) I know. This isn't too hard.

Josee: That’s right, you’re just walking. There are no coals.

Jacques: (stops. He notices his skirt is on fire) Uh oh! I forgot about the coals! (He drops Josee on the sand and runs to the water) AUGHHHHHHH! (He runs past Geoff/Brody and jumps in the water and sighs happily) Ahhhhh.

Geoff: (Brody is carrying him across the coals) Remember that time we paddle boarded off Delfino and we forgot our wet suits? (Shivers) So cold!

Brody: (in pain) Y-yeah keep it coming...

Geoff: And that day your tongue froze on that flagpole or when I poured that cherry slushy down your shorts?

Brody: (laughs) Dude, my body was frozen from the waist down for about a week. (They reach the end) We did it!

Geoff: First place here we come! (Runs to the Chill Zone)

Brody: Right behind you! (Jumps from one foot to the other) Man, I wish I could dunk my feet in some cherry slushy right now.

(As this happens, other teams are getting ready to do the walk on coals. Mary/Ellody, Tom/Jen, Gabriella/Nekota, Leo/Annie, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, and Carrie/Devin put on their skirts or leaves.)

Carrie: Hey Kitty, could you tie this for me? (Pointing to her grass skirt) 

Kitty: Sure. 

Carrie: (to Kitty) So you think I should say something to Devin?

Kitty: Life is short plus he's really cute. Who knows? Maybe he feels the same way. (Carrie thinks as Kitty goes up to Owen) Cool, looks like we're grooms.

Owen: Not for me! My partner is a dead man.

Kitty: What do you mean?

Owen: (Noah is just staring lovingly at Emma) He's drooling, being nice, and not sarcastic at all! He’s gotta be dead.

Kitty: (smiles) He's not sick he just has a crush on my sister.

Owen: But, Noah is so awkward, and goofy, and.... (Realizes) OH! (Smiles) Oh. (He and Kitty laugh)

Kitty: Yep, that's one serious crush.

(Stephanie pops her head out.)

Stephanie: (glares) Now there are no more rings left! This is ridiculous!

Ryan: Maybe you’re just not looking hard enough. 

Stephanie: What part of none do you not understand?! All gone, zero more, less than one, got it?!

Ryan: You’re race rage is out of control!

Stephanie: Race rage?!

Ryan: You act all sweet and kind but when it comes to racing you turn into a raging bull!

Stephanie: Bulls are male!

Ryan: Fine then, cow!

Don: (voice) As more teams arrive to face the coals, Mother and Daughter struggle to reach them. (Kelly waits for Taylor as she swims slowly) 

Kelly: She's a tad faster with a flutter-board. 

(Meanwhile, the other teams are figuring out who gets the skirt and who wears the lei)

MacArthur: (pushes the skirt away) Oh no, I don't do skirts. 

Sanders: (deadpan) I had a feeling you might say that.

Junior: I can't wear the skirt. Everyone from school will see me.

Dwayne: Yeah but if I wear it you have to carry me. I'm sure it can't be that bad.

Junior: My classmate, Larry Finkle, spent all of last year being shoved into the girl’s bathroom just because his name rhymes with "tinkle". 

Dwayne: (frowns) Oh... (Laughs) Hehe, Tinkle.

Junior: (puts on the leaves and gets ready) Let's do this. (Is stopped by Sam)

Sam: Dude, gender roles and gender specific clothing are only a construct by society, and a recent construct at that. Who cares if you wear the skirt? 

Junior: I do! And everyone at school will be watching.

Sam: Come on it’s not that big of a deal. (Gets an idea) What if I wear the skirt, then would you?

Junior: You’d seriously wear the skirt?

Sam: My involvement in the cosplay community and fan dedication to Rupaul’s drag race have taught me that it takes a real man to wear women’s clothing. (Puts on skirt and flower crown and places the lei on May.) 

Junior: Fine, I’ll fulfill my end of the bargain. (Puts the lei on his father and hops into his arms) But what if people pick on me?

Gabriella: (Also dressed as the bride) Well then they’ll have to deal with me. 

Junior: What’s so special about you?

(Gabriella grabs a big pile of sticks and snaps them in half with ease)

Junior: Cool! 

May: (to Sam) Are you sure we should do it this way? 

Sam: What’s the big deal, we’re the exact same height and weight. 

May: Yes but I was relying on you to carry me so my hair stays out of reach of the coals.

Fabian: (He’s the groom while Jordan is the bride) I’ve got an idea. 

Crimson: (She's coloring the skirt in black marker) 

(Confessional)   
\---> Ennui: (while Crimson is coloring) She only wears black. Even if it's grass, it must be black.  
\---> Crimson: Yeah.

Chet: (he and Lorenzo stare at the skirt) Rock, Paper, Scissors for the skirt?

Lorenzo: Fine. (They do so and Lorenzo wins) HA! Enjoy the skirt, Skirt-face! (Laughs)

Taylor: (puts on the skirt) Of course you're going to carry me mom. (Kelly glares)

(Confessional)  
\---> Taylor: Do you know how much my gel Pedi cost?  
\---> Kelly: (miffed) Yes, because I paid for it!  
\---> Taylor: Hey I have leadership training. (Smirks) You're welcome. (Kelly glares)

Yves: (she’s the bride) Good thing we don’t rely on our feet to make money.

Aaryn: (Picks her up) That and the fact that you never know if it’s going to end up on a fetish website.

Yves: Dude, in all likelihood some of our pictures ARE on a fetish website. 

Dani (is the groom): Ready Syd?

Syd: Shouldn’t I carry you? (Gets picked up)

Dani: Hey I was pregnant for 9 months. I’ve got this. (Looks determined)

June: You have to carry me. As a ballet dancer my entire life is built around my feet. I can’t risk any injury to them. 

Quince: (putting on the lei) Yeah, yeah.

Leo: (to his sister) You ready?

Annie: Always ready! (Hops into his arms) 

Carrie: We can do this! (Devin carries her while she blushes massively as he walks on the coals) Wow. 

Devin: Let’s walk the line like Johnny and June! (Josee and Jacques attempt to run across the coals again with Josee as the groom but Jacques catches on fire and Josee throws him into the water.)

(Don is seen sitting on a big chair in front of the Chill Zone. His burnt feet are in a bucket of ice.)

Don: (sips his coconut drink) Man are these good! (Geoff and Brody arrive at the Chill Zone) Surfers, you're in 1st place!

Geoff: Awesome!

Brody: Yes! (He and Geoff embrace)

Geoff: I love you man!

Brody: I'd marry you all over again!

Don: I love weddings. And for winning you two get tickets to see Hawaii’s premier surfing competition, an island bar, and a year’s supply of macadamia nuts.

Geoff/Brody: Gnarly! (They high five) 

(Back at the coals Tom and Jen are ready to go)

Jen: Ok, we can do this. (Tom picks her up) It’s just a walk over some hot coals.

Tom: Thank god these leaves go with my shorts. (Starts walking) 

Carrie: (she and Devin finish) We did it!

Devin: Yeah we did!

Josee: Hey Best Friends! (They turn to see Josee/Jacques approaching rapidly) Move it or lose it! You too fashion police! (They quickly pass Tom and Jen) 

Devin: Uh oh! Run! (Carrie/Devin run as Josee/Jacques start to catch up.)

(Tom and Jen complete the challenge and run to the chill zone) 

Josee: (to Jacques) Believe in the lava rock and we'll own the podium! (As Jacques runs closer to the two, he trips on a rock and the Ice Dancers fall just inches before the Chill Zone) NO!

Don: Congratulations Carrie and Devin you take 2nd place! (They smile)

(The Ice dancers scramble but the fashion bloggers hurry past them)

Don: And 3rd place to the fashion bloggers! (They squee) Ice Dancers, (Josee/Jacques arrive) you've come in....... 4th!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: NO! We can't lose again! 4th place doesn't even have a medal showing how bad it is!  
\---> Jacques: (starts crying)

Lorenzo: (He's carrying Chet who's wearing a coconut bra. Chet's armpits are in his face.) Get your pits out of my face!

Chet: (smirks) Get your face out of my pits. (Lorenzo keeps going)

Junior: (Is being carried by his father) You holding up dad? 

Dwayne: (stifling his pain) Fine and dandy!

Sam: (ahead of Father/Son) See, nothing to worry about. (May is carrying him while Jordan is holding her hair away from the coals as Fabian carries her.) 

Fabian: Good thing my feet are so heavily callused. 

Jordan: (sniffs the air) Does anyone else smell burning pork? 

(Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty are shown reaching the end. They both race towards the chill zone)

Don: 5th and 6th place! (They all cheer)

(MacArthur carries Sanders slung over her shoulders. Sanders looks uncomfortable. Aaryn and Dani carry their partners. Leo is carrying Annie piggy back style while June balances on Quince’s head. Quince struggles to walk steady. Nekota blazes past them all carrying Gabriella.)

Ellody: (to Mary as she carries her) Hot coals only burn if you stay on them for a prolonged period of time so the best thing is to just walk across them briskly at a speed of no more than-

Mary: That’s nice but don’t make me lose my concentration.

Don: 7th! (May and Sam arrive) 8th! (Fabian and Jordan arrive) 9th! (Chet and Lorenzo arrive) 10th! (Gabriella and Nekota arrive) 

Taylor: (Kelly is carrying Taylor over the hot coals and seems to be in a lot of pain. Suddenly Taylor's skirt catches on fire) FIRE! (Kelly runs to put the fire out. Her mom dumps her on the beach and starts throwing sand on the fire. The sand gets in her hair) Mom! My extensions!

Kelly: I know sweetie but I need to get the fire out. 

Don: (MacArthur/Sanders arrive) 11th! (Dwayne/Junior arrive) 12th! (Leo/Annie arrive) 13th! (June/Quince arrive) 14th! (Mary/Ellody arrive) 15th! (Aaryn/Yves arrive) 16th! (Dani/Syd arrive) 17th! (Crimson/Ennui arrive) 18th! And just like that, Mom and Daughter take 19th! 

Kelly: Well Taylor, it wasn't easy but we're still in. (Smiles) 

Taylor: (glares) Mom! We came in 19th place! You seriously need to step up your game!

Kelly: Taylor, we're a team and - (gets cut off) 

Taylor: Listen. I know you're not used to winning, but that’s why I'm the leader and you listen to me!

Kelly: (snaps) Taylor you've never won anything in your life! NOTHING! Not one race, trophy or medal! 

Taylor: (shocked) W-what?! B-but I have trophies and my coaches...

Kelly: You have all those trophies because your dad bought a trophy store! What kind of trophies come in the mail?! And guess who also paid your coaches and your teachers to say you're amazing at everything? That's right, daddy!

Taylor: Beauty pageants! I've won beauty pageants before! You can't fake those!

Kelly: (smirks) Oh sweetie, when you have enough money there's nothing you can't fake! (Taylor and everyone else gasps when they hear this. ) 

Don: (stands behind Taylor) The coals may have been hot but that was cold.

(Much later at sunset. Stephanie and Ryan are finally at the 2nd challenge) 

Stephanie: (Ryan is carrying her over the coals) Just when I thought you couldn't go any slower!

Ryan: (growls) You know you shouldn't insult someone who can drop you on hot coals.

Stephanie: (glares) Do that and I'll tell everyone that your pecks are implants!

Ryan: (glares) MY PECKS ARE REAL! (They glare hatefully at each other)

(Camera cuts over to Devin and Carrie) 

Devin: Man those two are some team. See that’s why I didn’t want to race with Shelley, if I did we’d be just like them, always arguing but that’s the good thing about racing with you. We can be friends forever and never change.

Carrie: Yeah, uh Devin? Listen I’m so glad that we’re here together and-

Jen: Hey, hey, hey! (The fashion bloggers approach them)

Carrie: Oh hi guys, what’s up?

Tom: Well we thought that maybe you and Devin might want to work with us.

Devin: You mean like an alliance?

Jen: No more like we just work together, you help us, we help you and either team can go ahead without the other if they need to. 

Carrie: We’ll have to think that one over and get back to you on it.

Tom: Speaking of getting things back to you, we’ve got an answer to your question.

Jen: We both started the blog, it was a team effort. (She and Tom smile)

Carrie: Oh, that’s nice. 

Devin: (Yawns) See you tomorrow?

Jen: Totally, night! (She, Tom and Devin head off to turn in for the night. Carrie follows Devin a bit sad she missed another opportunity) 

Don: (the daters finally make it) Stephanie and Ryan I’m sorry but you’re the last team to arrive.

(Stephanie shrieks no)

Ryan: Well if we’re eliminated from the race, then you’re eliminated from this. (Gestures to entire body)

Stephanie: What?! You can’t break up with me on national television!

Don: International television, we’re pretty big in Eastern Europe. But I should tell you...

Stephanie: You can’t dump me! I dump you!

Don: Here’s the funny thing…

Ryan: Fine! 

Don: This is a non-elimination round! Congratulations you’re still in the race! You live to hate each other another day!

Ryan/Stephanie: Fine!

Don: Tune in for more heartbreaking action only on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I kept the daters. I know most fanfic writers would do away with them by now and I get why. However I kind of like their masochism tango so i'm keeping them but (minor spoilers) don't worry they won't be making it as far as they did in canon. Other things that happened this chapter include Tom & Jen opting to start working together with Carrie & Devin, Syd & Aaryn becoming a couple, and Noah & Emma's romance starting to take root. One person who got a sneak preview of this chapter said her favorite part was Sam talking Junior into wearing the skirt and not to worry about "male" and "female" clothes and Gabriella promising to defend anyone who does insult him, that was mostly done because I thought there was no way he could carry his father. My favorite part this episode has to be Annie befriending a dolphin like she's Ariel. 
> 
>  
> 
> Current Rankings:  
> Geoff & Brody (1st Place)   
> Devin & Carrie (2nd Place)  
> Tom & Jen (3rd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (4th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (5th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (6th Place)  
> Sam & May (7th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (8th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (9th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (10th Place)   
> MacArthur & Sanders (11th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (12th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (13th Place)  
> June & Quince (14th Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (15th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (16th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (17th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (18th Place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (19th Place)   
> Ryan & Stephanie (20th Place)
> 
> Final Placements:  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	11. Hello and Dubai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In luxurious Dubai teams must either wash the windows of a skyscraper or play tennis with a robot.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams took a blistering stroll through Hawaii. Geoff and Brody showed their love is real as they took first place. Josee may have picked up some bad luck, Syd told Aaryn about his feelings and it seems they started dating, Kelly told Taylor she's not that Chipotle after all, the fashion bloggers and the bf’s may be a new thing and Owen and Kitty discovered Noah's crush on Emma. The daters came in last but “lucky” for them it was a non-elimination round. Let the madness continue. This is THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We're back to the Ridonculous Race. The camera shows the Chill Zone from last episode which is in Hawaii. Don stands in front with a Don Box at his side.)

Don: Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race where our contestants are about to say aloha to Hawaii. Geoff and Brody will be our first team to grab tips. (Geoff and Brody walk up to the Don Box)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: Dude, I don’t know what’s crazier, the fact that we’re in first or that we’re not in last.  
\---> Brody: Dude, deep!

Brody: (presses the button and reads the tip) We're going to Dooby?

Don: (He is seen in a slideshow of Dubai) Or as it’s more commonly known as Dubai, an oasis of luxury, man-made islands, and malls so big that even teenagers get lost in there. (A skeleton holding shopping bags and wearing teenaged clothing collapses) Once here, teams must take a bus to Burj Al Arab, the only hotel in the world with a seven-star rating, and find the next Don Box.

(All the teams grab taxis and head to the airport. At the airport, a clerk works at the front desk. He turns to grab some coffee. As soon as he turns back around he sees Geoff/Brody, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, Carrie/Devin, Josee/Jacques, Jen/Tom, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, and Lorenzo/Chet in line. They frantically all try to get tickets.)

All: DUBAI! / TWO TICKETS PLEASE! / NOW!

Clerk: (checks the computer) Next flight to Dubai carries eighteen people. All other contestants on next flight.

Dwayne: (the first nine teams are in front of him and Junior cheer) Yeah! Alright! First flight!

Junior: (he sighs) Dad count again.

Dwayne: (counts) Two... four.... (Facepalms)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Already on the last flight, again. (Unenthusiastically) Yeah.  
\---> Dwayne: Hey! Don’t count us out yet kiddo. Remember last time, we we’re all on the same flight but it was delayed.

Don: (voice-over as Dwayne/Junior, Kelly/Taylor, MacArthur/Sanders, Annie/Leo, Gabriella/Nekota, Crimson/Ennui, June/Quince, Syd/Dani, Aaryn/Yves, Mary/Ellody and Stephanie/Ryan wait in line for the tickets onto the next flight) While the last eleven teams wait to get their tickets on the next flight, the first nine teams are about to fly Air Dubai which has one of the best first class sections in the world. Winners only. (The 1st nine teams walk through the extravagant first class section. Geoff and Brody cannonball into a first class hot tub and are offered free cookies.)

Brody: (eats one) Delicious! (Offers to the others) Cookie?

Jacques: (gasps) May we? (The flight attendant kicks Jacques out of first class and closes the curtain)

Geoff: Guess not. (Eats another cookie)

Jacques: (groans and turns to Josee) That should be us! How did we get 4th place?!

Josee: Relax, Jacques. I know today will be our day. (Smirks, takes out lava rock and glares at it) Forged from molten lava, this rock embodies my fiery determination to win! (Laughs manically)

Jacques: (smiles) Excellent! Our luck will definitely take a good turn now! (The overhead compartment opens as all sorts of heavy and painful objects fall on top of him.) Why?!

Don: (stands in front of the teams waiting to get their tickets) Both flights are leaving to Dubai, the second one an hour later. It should be a quick flight. (Gets info from his earpiece) What?! Seventeen hours?! Ah well, plenty of time for them to enjoy each other’s company. (Stephanie and Ryan look away from each other)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Oh, the silent treatment? (Shouts) Well bring it on! I’m gonna be so quiet you’ll hear pins dropping!!  
\---> Ryan: Good.

(Flight number one is already in the air. The fasten seatbelt sign goes off)

Noah: (to the camera) I know the seatbelt sign is on but why even bother. (The camera zooms out to show Owen is sitting on Noah)

Owen: (laughs) It's cozy.

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: Flying is the scariest! I usually squeeze my teddy bear Beary but I ate him so now I squeeze my Noah! (Grabs Noah and squeezes him tightly)

Owen: So Noah, you want the window seat?

Noah: (looks and smiles) I'm gonna pass this time.

Owen: (notices Noah smiling at Emma while she and Kitty read magazines) Oh really? (Laughs) But you always want the window seat. What's different now? (Nudges him while Noah looks at him funny)

Noah: (shrugs) I dunno. Been feeling weird lately. (Buries his face in a magazine)

Kitty: (to Emma) I was thinking maybe we should form an alliance with another team. It could really help us in the game. Maybe Owen and Noah?

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Dealing with Kitty is enough already and a whole other team would be worse.  
\---> Kitty: Oh come on, some of the people on this show aren't that bad.  
\---> Emma: Well Annie’s too trusting and Leo doesn’t even trust his own shadow. Chet and Lorenzo can't stop fighting with each other for more than five minutes. Josee and Jacques win a lot but they're also really annoying. Ellody and Mary may be smart but they aren’t all that athletic. I’ve met horses more intelligent than Geoff and Brody. Dani’s nice but older so she could slow us down. Fabian always has his head in clouds. Aaryn and Yves don’t seem all that useful. Gabriella seems volatile. Sam and May are kind of crazy. Carrie and Devin are way too close. Dwayne tries to act young while Junior tries to act older. Sanders is too much of a rule-follower while MacArthur literally breaks all the rules. Tom and Jen squee constantly. Ryan and Stephanie either make out or argue too much. Crimson and Ennui barely talk to anyone. June’s too bossy while Quince just sits there and takes it. Taylor whines while Kelly complies with her bratty daughter’s needs.  
\---> Kitty: (surprised) Wow, you've thought of everything haven't you.  
\---> Emma: (smirks) Lawyer, remember?

Emma: (looks at Owen and Noah while Kitty listens) Noah's a snarky know-it-all. Do you have idea what it's like to be around someone like that? (Kitty rolls her eyes) And Owen is just Owen.

Kitty: But they're pros! They know what to do.

Owen: Almost got it! (struggles to put on his seatbelt until he farts and oxygen masks come out) Whoops. 

Noah: (glares at Owen) I'm going to hang in the bathroom where it smells better. (He and Emma come face to face) H-hi.

Emma: Hey. (Walks off while Noah gushes over her)

(Back on the second flight June is practicing yoga in her seat. She’s performing some sort of headstand)

Taylor: Do you mind? I don’t wanna be staring at your feet for 17 hours.

June: Oh, sorry. (Sits back normally in her seat.)

Kelly: (to Taylor) I like the way you handled that, honey.

Taylor: Oh. Do I get a fake trophy for that? (Crosses her arms) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Kelly: Taylor, I'm sorry I lost my temper on you. But I really thought you needed a proper lesson.  
\---> Taylor: Oh then you're totally forgiven.  
\---> Kelly: (smiles) Really?  
\---> Taylor: (glares) No!

Kelly: (she goes up to Dani and Dwayne who have an empty space next to them) Is this seat taken?

Dwayne: (nervous) Y-yes.... I mean sure.... If you want.

Kelly: (sits and sighs) I just can't get Taylor to forgive me.

Dani: Now, now tell us all about it. Parent to parents.

Kelly: Well I guess it all started when she was 3…

(Back on plane one, Noah is staring at Emma while she leans against the bathroom wall. Owen and Kitty look from their seats.)

Kitty: Ughh, they're both so snarky and full of themselves. 

Owen: How are they not a couple yet?

Kitty: It's Emma. She's still not over her breakup from her last boyfriend, Jake.

Owen: Oh, still fresh?

Kitty: (sighs) It was three years ago.

Owen: Oh....

Kitty: Yeah. Getting these two together will take some work. (She and Owen smirk as they fist bump)

Fabian: So Hawaii was fun right?

Jordan: Totally.

Sam: Yeah I could’ve swam in that bay forever.

May: Is it bad that I’m nervous about heading to a Middle Eastern country?

Fabian: Don’t worry the United Arab Emirates is relatively peaceful. And only 10% of the population is native.

Jordan: Dudes, what if there’s a tragedy on one of the flights carrying the teams and like half the cast gets killed? Do you think they’d end the show right then and there?

Sam: Nah they’d probably still keep going, that’s far less completion for the rest of the teams and they can use the drama as a selling point. Reality tv producers are soulless. (They all laugh)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: See if I said that to anyone else they’d run off disturbed. This is why I only have 3 friends. One of which shared the womb with me.

(Flight number one is seen landing in Dubai and the nine teams enter a bus that takes them to the Burj Al Arab)

Don: (voice) Flight number one has landed in Dubai and the teams are being shuttled to the Burj Al Arab.

Noah: (grabs the tip and read) It's an Either-Or. Serve or Squeegee? 

Don: (He's standing on the top of the Burj Al Arab. There's a tennis court up there. A big tennis machine is seen on one side.) Teams can either serve up one hit each from the world’s toughest tennis ball launcher, the Tennis Menace! (The Tennis Menace throws a tennis ball at a crash dummy which shatters on impact.) Ouch. (He now stands on the other side of the roof where there are window carriages) Or teams can wash an entire column of windows from the top down. (The wind picks up as a window carriage begins shaking and a squeegee falls towards the ground. It catches fire and incinerates as it nears the ground. Don saw what happened and goes to his earpiece) Are you sure legal cleared this? (Gets an answer) Really? Wow. Anyways, teams from flight one were the first to get here so they have the choice of serve or squeegee.

Geoff: Serve! (He and Brody, Carrie/Devin, Lorenzo/Chet, Josee/Jacques, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, & Tom/Jen head for the tennis courts)

Noah: Squeegee! Let's go! (He and Owen, and Emma/Kitty head for the washing carriages)

(Commercial break)

(At the tennis courts, the teams come face-to-face with the Tennis Menace. The wind is blowing insanely.)

Sam: Wow, it’s like a Nike commercial up here!

Tennis Menace: (Brody comes up with Geoff) Participate.

Geoff: You got this bro?

Brody: We got this!

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: Tennis is the ultimate wimp sport.  
\---> Geoff: No checking, no tackling. Just a fluffy ball.  
\---> Brody: It's like super-sized ping pong, what can so be dangerous about it?

Geoff: (The Tennis Menace starts firing repeatedly at the Surfer Dudes who run away) We don't got this! (They run past Carrie and Devin)

Devin: (holds Carrie) I know you're scared but it's okay. I know you'll be great. (She smiles as she gets ready to serve) Anyway Shelly hangs out with her tennis instructor like all the time. He says that tennis is a mental game.

Carrie: (gets unfocused and the tennis ball knocks the racket out of her hand) What?! (Frowns) Aww... (Tom and Jen seem intrigued)

Chet: (laughs at Carrie) Ha! (Gets hit by a ball and falls)

Jen: (to Carrie) You ok? (Runs back screaming as the machine launches balls at her)

(Confessional)  
\---> Lorenzo: Way to go dork! Now we're in the back of the line!  
\---> Chet: (smirks) You're just jealous I talked to a girl.  
\---> Lorenzo: So that's why she screamed in terror when you talked to her. (Laughs until Chet tackles him off-screen)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Did you see that?  
\---> Tom: Yeah, Carrie giggled after Devin gave her words of encouragement.  
\---> Jen: She was totally ready to take on that machine until Devin brought up his girlfriend.  
\---> Tom: You don’t think?

 

(Back on flight number two, Kelly is still talking to Dwayne and Dani)

Kelly: And after she crashed her third sports car I wanted to cut up her credit card but I knew she would steal mine so why bother. Still, that's parenting right?

Dani: Your parenting maybe.

Dwayne: Well, I mean teens are a bit harder to handle right? (Sips drink)

Kelly: Oh no. This all happened when she was ten. The real trouble started when she was twelve. (Dwayne spits out his drink while Dani does a double take)

Dwayne: Well Kelly, I believe the real problem is that Taylor has no boundaries, well either that or she was just plain born rotten.

Kelly: (gasps and throws her drink in Dwayne's face) How dare you?! (Walks away)

Dwayne: (drenched) Yeah, I probably could have rephrased that better.

Dani: Exactly what I was thinking.

Kelly: (thinks) Hmm...

(Confessional)  
\---> Kelly: Maybe I have been too lenient with Taylor over the years.

Dwayne: How do you deal with your son’s outbursts?

Dani: Oh, Syd never disrespects me or the law or any kind of rules. He doesn’t have the gall to do it or the nerve to break my heart. He told me so straight to my face.

Dwayne: Ah, that’s sweet he’s so obedient.

Dani: I guess it’s nice but I really want him to break out of his shell and experience new things, that’s why I’m on this race.

Dwayne: I’m doing the same with Junior. Anyway how have things with your son been on this race?

Dani: Oh, just great. Syd even made a boyfriend.

Dwayne: He’s gay?

Dani: Bisexual.

Dwayne: Huh, I’ve never know someone who’s bisexual. It’s important that Junior learns that all types of people exist in this world and they all deserve the same proper treatment and respect. (Pulls him in closer)

Junior: (was listening to his headphones the entire time and didn’t hear anything, so he pulls one off) Wait, what? (Puts it back on)

Dwayne: So who’s he dating?

Dani: That model boy, Aaryn. (They look across the aisle to see the models and Syd talking)

Dwayne: Well if they decide to have a surrogate and he’s the sperm supplier you can guarantee you’ll have beautiful grandchildren.

Yves: I’m so excited for you two. (To Aaryn) You’ve found someone new to date and I think this one’s a keeper.

Aaryn: I’ve dated a lot of people in the past.

Syd: I’ve heard.

Aaryn: Many where nice but didn’t feel permanent. You, you are definitely someone special. I can just feel it. You feel the same about me?

Syd: Yeah. So anyway I was thinking. Although we’re dating I don’t want what happened to Gwen and Trent to happen to us.

Yves: Good point.

Syd: So while we’re now officially dating, I think we should refrain from actually dating until one of us gets eliminated.

Aaryn: You’re still gonna help us with the challenges, right?

Syd: Sure, I’m not that heartless.

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: Always get your priorities straight. Acquire boyfriend then make sure he doesn’t get in your way of winning $1 million.

June: (is directing Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, and Quince in an impromptu yoga class in first class.) Now I want you all to bring yourselves down lower. (She lowers her legs over her body. Everyone else tries but only Gabriella/Nekota can do it.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: Man I had it all wrong, yoga feels great. I’ve never felt better.  
\---> Nekota: When we get back home victorious, we should sign up for a yoga class.

Annie: (Talking to Quince) Does she do this to you every day?

Quince: The torture? Yes. The yoga is only occasional.

Leo: (Struggling)

June: Had enough? (Smirks at him)

Leo: Just watch me. (Manages to assume the position) Yeah! In your face! (Learns he’s stuck in that position.) Help! (Everyone surrounds him)

Annie: Oh no, is anyone a chiropractor?

Ellody: Us to the rescue.

Mary: Again.

(Confessional)  
\---> Mary: We may not know or believe in the Vulcan death grip but we did study all the pressure points on the body.  
\---> Ellody: Just in case someone cuts in front and needs to be corrected.

(Back at the Burj Al Arab, the teams that chose Squeegee are noticing the high winds. Owen and Noah look down nervously. Emma and Kitty walk up to them.)

Kitty: Hey! What a coincidence. We're doing the same challenge too!

Owen: Maybe we should work together?

Noah: (smiles) I like that idea!

Emma: (growls at Kitty) No alliances! Come on! (She and Kitty lower themselves down as do Owen and Noah)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Remember Kitty, we're here to win first place. No surrender and no-ah distractions.  
\---> Kitty: (raises an eyebrow) Did you just say Noah?  
\---> Emma: (goes wide eyed) ZERO distractions. (Clears her throat)

(Back at the Dubai Airport, flight number two is seen landing in Dubai as the eleven teams exit the plane and enter their shuttle bus taking them to the Burj Al Arab.)

Don: (voice) As teams from flight two head on the shuttle bus to the Burj Al Arab, the heat is on.

Owen: (cleans a window) Man, this is tough but we're making good progress. How many is that?

Noah: (the camera zooms out to show that they're only on the first window) One. (Sighs)

Kitty: (the wind picks up while she and Emma clean) I'm starting to think tennis wasn't such a bad option. Maybe we should switch.

Emma: Too late, we've already washed a few windows. (Grabs one lever) Just help me lower this thing. According to the manual we have to pull both levers at the same time.

Kitty: What? Why would they build it like that?

Emma: Why would they build a tennis court on the roof?! Pull on three. One, two, three! (They pull the levers but the carriage suddenly leans to one side as the hang on) AUGHHHHH! (Looks at Kitty) Gonna say this is your fault.

Kitty: (sighs) Of course you are (They both scream in fear)

(The shuttle bus carrying teams from flight two reach the Burj Al Arab and they grab their tips)

Don: (voice) The teams from flight number two finally arrive just in time to catch up.

Yves: (looks up at the hotel) Ooh I wonder what the challenge will be here.

Syd: I highly doubt it’s staying here overnight and ordering room service.

Mary: (reads the tip) Serve or squeegee?

(They all look up to see Emma and Kitty hanging from the carriage and screaming)

All: (worryingly) SERVE!

(Confessional)  
\---> Mary: Tennis has all to do with with angles and speed constant variables which come to us as easy as breathing. I mean they actually expect us to wash windows?  
\---> Ellody: Indeed, what do we look like? Maids?

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: We may actually have an advantage. Ennui's parents made him go to tennis camp once.  
\---> Ennui: I really don't want to talk about it.

(At the tennis court, all the teams doing serve wait in line. Fabian/Jordan, May/Sam, and Carrie/Devin are up to serve.)

Tennis Menace: Participate.

Fabian: I bet Gerry and Pete are having a nice big laugh at this back home. Saying “We would’ve had this challenge in the bag, just like our arthritis medication and copper joint sleeves. (Laughs)”

Jordan: Hit first then make jokes later.

Fabian: I got this.

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: I may have hated P.E almost as much as math throughout my entire academic career, but I think I can do this.

(The tennis menace fires a ball at Fabian and knocks him right off his feet.)

Sam: Dude!

(The teams from flight #2 arrive at the top. The Tennis Menace begins firing at the teams who aren't serving and they cower in fear)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: This challenge is dangerous, I love it!  
\---> Sanders: I guess there’s no weaseling out of this. (Sighs)

Junior: (smiles) Cool!

Dwayne: (grabs Junior) Oh no. We'll be switching to window cleaning.

Kelly: Us too. (To Taylor) If that's okay with you.

Taylor: (rolls her eyes) Might as well since all my tennis trophies are a sham. 

Nekota: You still want to do this?

Gabriella: Of course, as athletes there’s no situation we can’t handle. (Grabs a racket)

Quince: Man, it’s like a Michael bay film up here.

Annie: Yeah minus all the explosions, the over reliance on America and cgi, the blatant and unnecessary product placement, the stereotyping of women and minorities and plot points that only show up every 45 minutes.

Leo: Snap!

Mary: What’s our strategy?

Ellody: Like Sun Tzu said “We must analyze our enemy and exploit his weaknesses” Watch then strategize.

Gabriella: (goes up to the tennis menace and it fires at her, though she almost fails she returns the serve) Yes! (To Nekota) You’re up next man.

Nekota: (sarcastically) Great. (A ball is fired at him and he tries to serve it back but only succeeds in launching it at the net, it stretches back and then is launched and hits Quince right in the gut) Ooh! Sorry man!

Mary: Any weaknesses there?

Ellody: About the machine or Gabriella? Because either way I saw few.

Dani: I love watching Wimbledon but I don’t think I can handle this.

Syd: Window washing it is.

Aaryn: Ditto man. (They all leave)

May: (Helping Fabian back on his feet) Well let’s switch challenges since this is obviously WAY out of our wheelhouse.

Jordan: All of us? I mean 3 of us haven’t even served yet and I… (Tennis menace fires a ball which opens a hole right through the middle of her racket) agree with you wholly. Let’s go. (They all leave)

Jacques: Shut up I’m trying to serve!

Devin: Good luck.

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I’ve watched Shelly perform tennis for years. Jacques has a better chance of hitting a beach ball than a tennis ball.

(The Tennis Menace fires and Jacques returns the ball. Devin is impressed)

Devin: I’ll shut up now.

Jacques: Good.

Josee: (Kisses her good luck charm and prepares to face the machine. Suddenly a seagull lands on her head, distracting her as the machine fires.) What?! Interference! (She gets pelted and eventually gets knocked down.)

Devin: Better luck next time. (Jacques runs to Josee and picks her up)

Jacques: Josee, mon petit chou, we won’t make podium by waiting in line. We must switch to windows.

Josee: Fine. But afterwards I’m throwing a massive tantrum.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Tantrums run in her family. Once I was late picking her up from practice and her mother threw a massive tantrum. She attacked me with a lamp.  
\---> Josee: I don’t miss that lamp.  
\---> Jacques: And we certainly don’t miss her mother being on this show.

(Dwayne and Junior wash the windows)

Dwayne: You see son, the right way to wash a window is too...

Junior: Just wipe it?

Dwayne: Yeah, you pick up on this quickly.

(At the washing carriage carrying mother/daughter)

Kelly: (glares) So he thinks he’s parent of the year?

Taylor: Mom, these windows aren’t going to wash themselves.

Kelly: (starts cleaning) You’re right, good call.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kelly: These challenges are good for me and Taylor to spend some bonding time together. We’re so busy back home.  
\---> Taylor: I’m actually busier than her but I try to squeeze her in.

(Leo gets ready to face the Tennis menace, it fires one round which he misses entirely and another shot sends the ball through his racket, cutting it up like French fries. The third shot is the one he manages to return.)

Leo: Yes!

June: Impressive.

(Annie faces the machine while Leo looks on worried)

Leo: You sure you got this?

Annie: Yeah! (The machine fires a ball at her, she hits it with her racket but the force is so great it sends her flying back into Leo’s arms) Ok, maybe I don’t.

June: I’ve got this. (She faces the Tennis menace and successfully returns the shot with all the style and grace you’d expect out of a ballet dancer.)

(Quince approaches next and misses all his shots)

(Confessional)  
\---> June: Contrary to popular stereotype, Quince is a terrible athlete.  
\---> Quince: It’s true.

(Stephanie and Ryan face the machine)

Stephanie: Prepare to meet your match! 

Ryan: What are you gonna do? Annoy it to death?

Stephanie: Watch! (Glares at the Tennis Menace as it fires a tennis ball at her. She hits the ball hard causing it to hit the Tennis Menace directly and fall off the Burj Al Arab. Everyone is shocked.) BAM!

(The Tennis Menace lands on Emma and Kitty's carriage which startles them. Then it malfunctions and aims at the Sisters)

Tennis Menace: P-participate-e.....

Emma: (Kitty cowers behind her) Uhhhh, is this part of the challenge?

Kitty: (it fires at them) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (She uses the squeegee to block all the balls)

Emma: (crouching) Seriously?! Why didn't we choose tennis?! (One of the balls hits a lever causing Emma to hang on to the Tennis Menace as she dangles over the edge) Uh oh! HELP!!! (She holds on) HELP! (Above them, Owen and Noah hear Emma's screams. She and the Tennis Menace fall) AUGHHHHH!!!

Noah: (freaks) EMMA! NO! 

Emma: (falls) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (Is caught by Noah while the Tennis Menace falls past her) Huh? 

Noah: Hey clumsy, you dropped something. (They gaze into each other's eyes)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: You know that moment when you actually cared if someone died. I didn't. (Owen frowns) Until then.  
\---> Owen: (tears up) That was so beautiful.

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Okay, I guess Noah isn't the worst human being in the world.  
\---> Kitty: Nicest thing she's ever said.

(Jacques holds up Josee as they wipe a window and see a man in shades on the other side. They just stare at him blankly. He and holds up a paper with a 9 on it. Josee and Jacques smile)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Just because a task is menial doesn’t mean you skimp on artistic presentation.  
\---> Josee: The goal is to achieve greatness. Winning will then be thrust upon us.

Taylor: (she looks at her mom) Wipe faster mom!

Kelly: (puts on a fake smile) Yelling won't help sweetie.

Taylor: Oh please, I yell at the maid all the time and she works faster.

(Back at the tennis court, a helicopter brings back the Tennis Menace. It's all busted up and sparking)

Tennis Menace: Participate.... (Sparks and throws a tennis ball at everyone. It falls to the ground and bounces slowly past Devin and Carrie)

Devin: Wow! This will be so easy! Anyone can clobber that. Even the geniuses. (Carrie laughs)

Ellody: Well that’s a major weakness, let’s exploit it!

Gabriella: Oh come on! You call this a challenge now?

Nekota: Shut up, this makes our jobs so much easier.

(Back at window washing, Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty are all on one carriage together)

Emma: Well I'm glad to be alive and all but I'm kinda bummed we're gonna tie for last.

Kitty: Could you be more negative?

Noah: Well, she implied we'll finish. We only have one squeegee and you guys lost your only bucket of water.

Owen: Well, I know a way we can win this but you guys have to agree to an alliance first.

Emma: (sighs) Fine. (Noah smiles) What's the plan?

Owen: I will be our squeegee!

Emma: He can't be serious can he? (Owen takes off his shirt and douses himself in water) He is.

Noah: Welcome to my world.

(The camera goes into the room that the TV Pros and Sisters stand in front of. Inside an Arab man walks out of the bathroom and sits in a seat. He grabs a drink and looks out the window. Suddenly, Owen presses himself against the glass. He goes wide eyed and spits out his drink)

Owen: Hi! How are you? (Chuckles as he turns to Noah who holds him in place and Emma and Kitty who hold the controls) Let her drop! (They starts falling fast)

(May and her alliance is about halfway done when she notices what Owen is doing. Suddenly she gets an idea.)

May: I’ve got an idea!

Fabian: What?

(Later, we see that May has used hairspray to get her hair into shape like a peacock’s tail. She then covers her hair in the soapy water then instructs Sam to help her hold it in place against both sides of a window)

May: Let her go man!

Fabian: Okay. (He and Jordan both hold the controls so their carriage falls fast)

(Back at the tennis court, Annie is about to serve until she hears the screeching of the windows because of Owen.)

Annie: (shivers) That sound! (Waves her racket around like crazy) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! (She unknowingly returns a ball in her frustration)

Geoff: Whoa! Nice moves, tiny girl!

Annie: I’ll have you know I’m exactly as tall as the great Meryl Streep.

Leo: Annie you served back!

Annie: Really? Let’s go! (They head off)

Leo: (To June and Quince) Don’t die.

June: Don’t tell us what to do.

Dani: (Hears that screeching noise) Syd, do you hear that?

Syd: Unfortunately yes. (To the models) You hear that? (The models are washing a window until the noise causes it to shatter)

Aaryn: Well that’s one less window for us to clean. (They laugh mirthlessly)

Josee: (she and Jacques are near the bottom) Two windows left and the gold is ours! (Suddenly, the TV Pros/Sisters speed pass them and crash on the ground) NO! Hurry! (She and Jacques clean frantically)

Kitty: (cheers) Yay! Go Owen! (Owen falls on the ground. His stomach is super red.)

Noah: Way to take one for the team, big guy. (Kitty gives Owen back his shirt and he puts it back on)

Owen: (laughs) I feel like I just took a roller coaster through a car wash.

Emma: (presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Find the Chill Zone in the Gold Souk. The what?

(Don is now seen standing in front of an extravagant mall. The mall sells everything gold and even the mall is painted gold.)

Don: The Gold Souk. Just a normal plaza where everything is made of gold. (Walks through the Gold Souk and stops in front of a shop) To reach the Chill Zone inside this store, teams must take taxis. Some of which are made of gold. (A plump Dubai man walks up to Don. His clothes are made of gold and even his ice cream is gold) Wow. They really like gold here. (Don takes out his own scoop of black diamond and licks it) Huh, pretty tasty.

Josee: To the gold! Now! 

(May and her team arrive at the bottom as well)

Sam: Man that was insane even by my standards. You okay?

May: (Her hair looks like a weaverbirds nest) Fine. (Starts brushing it out) Now let’s go! (They all leave)

(Meanwhile on the tennis court, Ellody/Mary, Geoff/Brody, Quince, Nekota, MacArthur/Sanders, Crimson/Ennui, Ryan, and Chet/Lorenzo hit the tennis balls with ease and run to head to the Gold Souk. Carrie is up.)

Devin: You can do this Carrie. Just think: What would Shelly do?

Carrie: (snaps) I'm not Shelly and I never will be! (She runs off the court)

Devin: Wait! Stop! Nobody is! (Runs after her)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: What was that all about?!

Jen: (Stops Devin) Trust me you’ll only make it worse if you’re the one that caused her to get upset in the first place. (To tom) Tom, you calm down Carrie, Devin and I will take our turns.

Dwayne: (he and Junior come up to Kelly/Taylor, Dani/Syd and Yves/Aaryn. Taylor is still in the carriage.) Glad we all finished. Looks like we need to go to the Gold Souk now.

Taylor: (rolls her eyes) Took long enough. (She looks down and gasps) There's bird crap on my shoes! (She takes off her boot and rubs it on Kelly) There, totes better.

Kelly: (glares) Ok that's it! I’m not a doormat! (She pulls the lever causing her daughter to be lifted twenty feet above them hanging) You’re in a timeout! Work out your issues!

Taylor: You can't do this! I'm your daughter!

Kelly: (smirks) Actually, yes I can.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: Good for Kelly standing up to her daughter like that, but now her team is kind of stuck. (Laughs)

Yves: (To Taylor) Man, you brought that upon yourself. Bye! Love those boots by the way I have the same pair myself.

Taylor: If you didn’t dress so chipotle and I were on the ground I’d so slap you!

(Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty arrive at the Souk)

Owen: Okay, everyone we’re looking for a golden chill zone. Actually everything here’s gold. How are we gonna find it?

Noah: (stops to point out a store selling Gilded Chris statuettes from season 2) Check it out, they even have dollar stores here.

Emma: (laughs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: It wasn’t really that funny, but I decided to laugh anyway.

Noah: (they’re all at the foot of the chill zone) Ladies first. (Offers for Emma and Kitty to go first)

Emma: Really? (Smiles) Wow I don't know what to say.

Owen: Maybe you should enter before the Ice Dancers get here. (The Ice Dancers are seen running quickly to the chillzone)

Emma: Right! (She and Kitty reach the Chill Zone before Owen and Noah)

Don: Sisters and Reality TV Pros, congratulations! You're in 1st and 2nd place! (They smile) And for coming in first Emma and Kitty get a $7500 gift card to the Gold souk and a free stay at the Burj Al Arab.

Emma: (stunned) A 7 star get away? Pinch me I’m dreaming. (Kitty pinches her) Oww! Not literally.

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: It’s not for the $1 million so I let her have it. Still it would’ve been sweet to stay at that hotel. (Owen nods)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: That was really sweet of Noah to do.  
\---> Kitty: See, that alliance is looking real good right now. And we got a free getaway out of it, hey wanna play some tennis during our stay? (Emma slaps her) Oww! Yeah I probably shouldnt’ve said that.

Don: Josee and Jacques, you've come in fourth!

Jacques: What?! We didn’t make podium at all?!

Don: What podium?

Josee: There’s always a podium! Who got here before us?!

Don: Uh, Annie and Leo. (Camera pans over to them)

Leo: Me and Annie took one of the non-golden cabs.

Annie: Way faster.

Don: (Josee's eye twitches) Josee? You okay? Your eye is kinda twitching.

Josee: (glares but smiles) I'm fine. (Twitches more)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (Josee is seen throwing a tantrum while throwing many expensive items and smashing them. Jacques gives a reluctant smile to the camera.)

Don: Here come some more teams! (Ryan/Stephanie arrive) 5th! (May/Sam arrive) 6th! (Jordan/Fabian arrive) 7th! (Dwayne/Junior arrive) 8th! (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 9th! (MacArthur/Sanders arrive) 10th! (Mary/Ellody arrive) 11th! (Yves/Aaryn arrive) 12th! (Dani/Syd arrive) 13th! (June/Quince arrive) 14th! (Geoff/Brody arrive) 15th! (Crimson/Ennui arrive) 16th! (Chet/Lorenzo arrive) 17th! With three teams remaining and two spots left, it looks like it will be a close one. Or maybe not.

(Tom and Jen are shown getting into a taxi and leaving)

(Back at the Burj Al Arab, Taylor still hangs from the carriage while Kelly waits below for her to apologize)

Kelly: Taylor I’m going to show you what you attitude has done to us. The tip from the Don Box says we have to go to a mall! Filled with gold! We could be shopping right now!

Taylor: (looking sad) I-I didn’t know. I’m sorry mom, like so sorry! For everything!

Kelly: Really?

Taylor: Well maybe for half of everything. You may not be cool and kind of embarrass me but as long we can go shopping I’ll pretend you aren’t lame.

Kelly: That’s all I wanted to hear. (Lowers the platform and they rush to find a taxi)

(Back on the roof Carrie finally returns a shot and the best friends leave)

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: (in a taxi) I’ll feel terrible if we lose because of my bad tennis skills.  
\---> Devin: No, don’t feel sorry. I’m sorry if I said anything during the challenge that made you lose your focus. Tom and Jen, well mostly Jen, helped me see that. With or without this race we’ll still be friends, we still have each other.  
\---> Carrie: It’s ok, you didn’t know. And you’re right Tom and Jen did help us out today, maybe we should work with them if we’re still in the race after today.

Don: (Tom and Jen arrive) 18th! Only one spot remains, who’s gonna get it?

Tom: Do you think they'll make it?

Jen: Hey whatever happens, happens. But let's make a quick prayer to Chanel just in case. (Both start praying)

(Outside, two taxis stop at the mall. Both teams spend some time looking around for the chill zone)

(Devin/Carrie and Taylor/Kelly see the Chill Zone at the same time. They look at each other, then sprint for it.)

Don: Here they come! (Each team passes each other little by little until….) Best friends take 19th place! (Devin and Carrie hug each other in relief) Mother and daughter I’m afraid this is where you leave us. (Taylor looks disappointed)

Kelly: Hey I know what’ll cheer you up. Shopping! (They leave to go browsing around the Souk)

Don: Well that ends another episode! Will Stephanie and Ryan get back together? Will Emma start accepting Noah's affections? Find out next time here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

=== Best of Kelly and Taylor === (A slideshow of Kelly and Taylor’s best moments are shown on the screen as they voice-over)

Kelly: (voice) I hope I never have to touch another camel again, but I thought Venice was spectacular. Not to mention Paris and your drawing were lovely.

Taylor: (voice) I know, it was so good. Also I can’t believe your upper body strength, I need to see your trainer yesterday.

Kelly: (voice) You know it’s funny. We entered this race to get more money but we left with something better.

Taylor: (voice) Yeah, a Prada bag with gold leaf on it!

Kelly: (voice) I meant a stronger bong.

Taylor: (voice) Yeah I guess that’s nice too. (They’re seen getting into a taxi with all their shopping bags) Hey if we want to shop more we should consult a professional.

Kelly: Oh, and one last thing. I’m cancelling your allowance and we’re going to have a nice long talk with your father when we get back home.

Taylor: (sarcastically) Great. (Taxi drives off)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that glitters is not gold: William Shakespeare 
> 
> Once again I've written a chapter that doesn't differ too much from the official canon, but that's because I didn't want or feel the need to change to much. Because of the focus on Emma and Noah's romance my OC's took a bit of a backseat this time around but some of them will have a bigger role next episode. Kelly & Taylor's ending is the same as canon, though they have been around for one more episode and I actually did make Taylor a little more nice this time around and I changed their elimination a little but hey they still get to go shopping, I'm benevolent like that. You can also see the subtle influence the bloggers are having as they're still around, like helping Devin & Carrie reconcile. Favorite joke this episode: Jordan's comment on the cast dying off, maybe if Chris was still the host she'd be right. 
> 
> Rankings:  
> Emma & Kitty (1st Place)  
> Owen & Noah (2nd Place)  
> Leo & Annie (3rd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (4th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (5th Place)  
> Sam & May (6th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (7th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (8th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (9th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (10th Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (11th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (12th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (13th Place)  
> June & Quince (14th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (15th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (16th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (17th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (18th Place)  
> Carrie & Devin (19th Place) 
> 
> PLACEMENTS:  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	12. New Beijing-ings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In China teams dine on local cuisine, race rickshaws and must navigate their way along the Great Wall

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, we struck gold in Dubai. Some people got served, others were wiped out, Carrie seemingly gave up on the game of love and Kelly finally put Taylor in her place and all it cost them was the race, but hey a healthy relationship with your daughter is worth more than $1 million, (laughs) yeah right! Last but not least, a new alliance formed between the Sisters and Reality TV Pros. Is it more than an alliance? We'll find out here today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We're back at the Chill Zone in Dubai. They are still in the golden store. Don stands in front with a Don Box next to him)

Don: Alright! It's time to say bye-bye to Dubai. (Motions to Emma and Kitty) Sisters, you're up first!

(They run to the Don Box and grab the tip)

Emma: (reads the tip) Find your next tip at the world-famous Bird's Nest Stadium. Huh?

Kitty: (shrugs) Never heard of it.

Don: (stands in a slideshow shown of Beijing) Well, it's right here in Beijing, China. Home to ancient Chinese history, Olympic-level stadiums, and twenty-five million people. Oddly enough, we won't be seeing any of them today. (Smiles)

(Emma/Kitty, Owen/Noah, Josee/Jacques, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, Ryan/Stephanie and MacArthur/Sanders are seen grabbing the first 9 tips and grabbing taxis. They are all on flight number one that heads for Beijing. Geoff/Brody, Chet/Lorenzo, Dani/Syd, Aaryn/Yves, Tom/Jen, Crimson/Ennui, Mary/Ellody, June/Quince, Carrie/Devin, & Dwayne/Junior are seen on flight number two which leaves an hour later)

Don: (voice) The first 9 teams receive their travel tips and grab taxis for the airport. They are on flight number one that has already left for Beijing. The stragglers on flight number two have an extra hour to talk strategy.

(The teams are seen spread out on flight number two. Carrie watches as Devin sleeps next to her)

Devin: (he's sleeping and leaning against the window as Carrie watches him)

Carrie: I just love watching Devin sleep. He sometimes sleep talks the cutest things.

Devin: (talks in his sleep)....... Rainbow zebras took my wallet.... (Snores)...... Put the gun down ZZ ward (snores)…… careful with that hammer. (Snores)

Carrie: I did say sometimes.

Aaryn: (walks up to where Carrie and Devin. Devin has peanuts near him. He bends down to talk to Carrie) Hey Carrie. Since Devin's sleeping I gotta know if you're going to make a move on that.

Carrie: Huh? Well, me and Devin are friends.

Aaryn: I know but this opportunity isn't going to last forever. (Reaches for the peanuts)

Carrie: (gasps and grabs Aaryn’s hand before he can grab the peanuts) That's what I keep thinking! The whole reason I wanted to do this race is to show that we have a connection. Something special. (Smiles) I'm going to tell him how I feel. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Aaryn: (is seen eating peanuts) Hey I just wanted the legumes but now I know about her crush. I mean, Carrie wants to date Devin? I just got into a new relationship and I still don’t know what to do about that. Hope they work it out.

Devin: (wakes up) Oh good! You're still here! I had this dream where you and I lived in a treehouse together and it caught on fire and - (cut off)

Carrie: (smiles) Just you and me? Living together?

Devin: Yeah well I was a three headed tiger and you were a tuxedo wearing monkey but it was you. Weird dream, huh? (Falls back asleep)

Carrie: (blushes) We lived together! WOOOHOOOOO! (The plane shakes from Carrie's excitement)

Syd: (to his mother) Mom we need to have a serious talk about our game.

Dani: Ok, spill.

Syd: Well we’ve never really been in the top, just lazing around in the middle and I fear we may be going home soon.

Dani: Well I don’t want to cast judgement but I think those Chet and Lorenzo fellows might be the next ones to go. (Lorenzo and Chet are seen fighting for a seat on the plane.)

Syd: Maybe, but their dumb luck did keep them from getting eliminated 1st, and they’ve stuck around ever since. We need to ramp up our performances. Can you do that?

Dani: I’ll do my best but remember neither of us are Olympians like Jacques and Josee.

Dwayne: (Junior plays video games next to him) We could have been on the first flight but someone had to go to the bathroom at the airport. (Glares at Junior) And this someone hasn't been eating his vegetables so he had trouble "letting it all out".

Junior: (glares) Don’t blame this on me. It was him! (Goes back to playing his game)

Dwayne: (smiles nervously) Hehe.....

Tom: (Leaning over his seat to talk to Devin and Carrie) So, have you figured out if you want to work with us?

Carrie: Yeah I think we have a deal.

(Elsewhere)

Mary: Why is it that in spite of our intelligence we keep on regularly flying on the second plane?

Ellody: We may be smart but let’s face the facts. Some of these teams are just quicker and more athletic.

Mary: Well we need to start strategizing to get us up on top.

Ellody: (has paper and pencils ready) I was hoping you’d say that. Let’s start planning! (They start writing stuff down)

(Flight number one is seen landing in Beijing's Airport. A shuttle bus is seen taking the teams to their next destination.)

Don: (voice) The first 9 teams have reached Beijing and are being shuttled to their next destination.

(On the bus, teams talk to each other)

Kitty: (to Owen and Noah) Thanks again for letting us take the win yesterday.

Owen: (laughs) No problem.

Emma: (glares) Just don't expect us to return the favor. We're in an alliance but we're still in a competition.

Noah: (stares lovingly)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (smiles) She's awesome. Everything I like in a girl: sarcastic, attractive, and smart. It's perfect!  
\---> Owen: (laughs) Noah and Emma sitting in a tree! K I S S I N (Noah smacks him in the stomach) OWW!

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: You have to admit you have some feelings for him?  
\---> Emma: (crosses her arms) I'm not admitting it. This is a competition. No relationships.  
\---> Kitty: (smirks) We'll see.

Josee: (she and Jacques are furious)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: I can't believe we're losing this race! Fourth place! Twice in a row! (Groans)  
\---> Jacques: Maybe your good luck charm is defunct?  
\---> Josee: (Gasps) NONSENSE! (Rubs it on herself and Jacques furiously) This rock will help us return to our proper position as the goddesses we are! (Ponders for a moment) Did that sound egotistical?

(The bus carrying the first nine teams arrives in front of a stadium located in Beijing. The bus driver stops too late and crashes it into the Don Box sending it flying. MacArthur and Sanders exit the bus first)

MacArthur: (writes up a ticket for the bus driver) I'm writing you a ticket for stopping way too late, crashing into an object, and for being just plain ugly. (Places the ticket on the drivers face. He looks confused as hell)

Sanders: (She finds the Don Box which is busted and spitting out tips everywhere and grabs one) It's an All-In. Fly over the Bird's Nest Stadium and tandem jump through the doughnut hole to receive your next tip.

Owen: (hears doughnut) DOUGHNUTS! WOOHOO!

(The teams are being flown over the stadium on a small plane. They are strapped to each other with parachutes. Noah is attached to Owen, Emma is attached to Kitty, Sanders is attached to MacArthur, Stephanie is attached to Ryan, Josee is attached to Jacques, Fabian is attached to Jordan, May is attached to Sam, Nekota is attached to Gabriella, and Annie is attached to Leo. Owen looks out to the open stadium disappointed)

Owen: That's the doughnut? Aww man....

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: When are we going to have another eating challenge? I'm so hungry that I could eat a house made of doughnuts, and trees filled with lollipops, and gingerbread people, and a white chocolate pretzel fence! (Drools a bit)

Noah: (to Emma) So, I guess they have our backs? (Cringes on how bad that was)

Emma: Yeah, that was horrible.

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Okay, that wasn't completely. Kinda adorable.

(The hanger door opens with the eight teams standing in front ready to jump)

Kitty: Jump time! You guys ready?

Noah: Hey, how hard can it be? 

(Noah/Owen and Emma/Kitty jump out first but the wind catches their parachutes sending them away from the stadium. Owen/Noah crash on a rickshaw cart while Emma/Kitty hit a gong. MacArthur/Sanders, Josee/Jacques, Ryan/Stephanie, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Gabriella/Nekota, Leo/Annie jump off the plane and pull their cords. They begin to descend into the stadium. The wind picks up and carries Josee/Jacques away. Jordan is the first to successfully land and detaches herself from a very much shaken Fabian who just collapses out of fear. Leo and Annie land successfully until they look up and see MacArthur/Sanders land on them and then Ryan/Stephanie land on the cadets as their parachute covers all 3 teams)

Gabriella/Nekota: Woo hoo! (They land successfully)

Gabriella: (detaches Nekota) Man I don’t think that could’ve gone any better!

Nekota: I’ll say. I kind of want to do it again.

Sam: Dudes, look out below! Pussy riot!

Gabriella: What? (She and Nekota look up to see May and Sam coming in too quickly. They try to run but Sam and May land on them. Interestingly Nekota’s face is up in Sam’s crotch while Gabriella’s face is up in May’s crotch)

May: Sorry guys but we can’t control the wind. (Gabriella seems very angry)

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: You okay?  
\---> Gabriella: (plays with stress ball with tranquil fury) I’m fine! (Tears it in half)  
\---> Nekota: How do you tear rubber in half?

Josee: (yells) OVER THERE! OVER THERE! 

Jacques: I know Josee! (They crash into a billboard where Jacques’ head comes out of the ass of an ass) AUGHHHHH!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (Jacques still has part of the billboard around his head) That’s Jacques for you always trailing behind, but still he’s an important asset to the team.

Emma: (she talks to Kitty as Noah and Owen follow after them) Okay, next time less screaming and more steering.

Kitty: I'll see what I can do but no promises.

(After the TV Pros, Sisters, and Ice Dancers load the plane, a shuttle bus arrives carrying the teams from the second flight. They run off and head for the tips.)

Carrie: Come on!

Dwayne: Hurry!

June: Let's go! 

Don: (voice) As the teams from the second plane and the teams who didn't make the first tandem jump start going in the air, the six teams that did land in the stadium head for the Don Box.

(Fabian/Jordan, Ryan/Stephanie, Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, May/Sam, and MacArthur/Sanders reach the Don Box inside the stadium and grab their tips)

Annie: (reads) It's another All-In!

(Don now stands outside of the stadium near a food stand. There are many different types of crates there. An elderly Chinese woman is standing at the stand.)

Don: An All-In with a twist! To receive their next tip from this local vendor (she smiles and waves), one team member must assemble and deep fry a skewer of Beijing street-food and their partner has to eat it. (Vendor holds up a fried skewer. The animals still move even after they were deep fried.) Oh god!

(The first six teams run up to the vendor as the each receive sticks. They all look skeptically at each other.)

Sam: (To the vendor) So are the crickets fresh? (She holds up a few crickets which chirp) I was only joking.

May: Well I’ve heard entomophagy has its benefits.

Jordan: (to Fabian) Remember what you promised back in Morocco? (Fabian nods yes) Good, then I prep, you eat!

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: It’s a fair partnership, no matter how gross it is. Good thing I didn’t eat anything on the flight over here.

Sam: You want me to scarf it or do you?

May: I’m eating this.

(The first six teams get busy. Meanwhile back at the Bird's Nest Stadium, the remaining teams drop down. Lorenzo/Chet, Crimson/Ennui, Geoff/Brody, & Dwayne/Junior land on the ground safely and head to the Don Box.)

(Mary and Ellody land quickly)

Mary: Good thinking relying on that incoming trade wind.

Ellody: Thanks. (They detach and run)

(June and Quince land and June quickly detaches herself from Quince)

June: (runs) Come on we’ve got to catch up to Leo.

Quince: Leo?

June: (stops and ponders for a moment) Uh, yeah we need to catch up to him so we can pass him and I can mock him in front of his face.

Quince: Sure. (They run)

Dani: (She and Syd land safely) Well that went well don’t you think so?

Syd: (Detaches himself in a hurry) No time to talk just move! (Runs off without his mother)

Yves: (she and Aaryn land) He seems to be in overdrive mode doesn’t he?

Aaryn: Maybe we should talk with him.

Yves: Well he’s your boyfriend, so you do it.

Jacques: (he and Josee land but he lands wrong and twists his ankles) AUGHHH! MY ANKLE!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (Jacques is seen holding his foot in pain in the background) Why is Jacques so clumsy today? (To the camera) Don't give him sympathy, it'll only encourage him.

Josee: (glares as Jacques cries and jumps on one foot to the Don Box) Snap out of it! This is a competition! Our fans our watching! (Flames surround her as she glares) EAT THROUGH THE PAIN! (She smiles to the camera) And smile. (Walks off)

Jacques: O-okay! (Smiles and waves nervously)

Carrie: (she and Devin land) That was incredible! WOOO! (Detaches and Devin falls to the ground)

(They both hear screaming and look up to see Tom and Jen approaching the ground with their eyes closed, not stopping till they land face first.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: As you already know, I'm horrible with heights. I'm glad I did this with Carrie and not Shelly. (Carrie smiles) She would have totally bailed on me.  
\---> Carrie: (points to an opposite direction) Hey! What's that?  
\---> Devin: (turns) What's what? (Carrie starts cheering silently as Devin doesn't look.) I don't see anything. (Turns back when Carrie finishes)  
\---> Carrie: (shrugs) Oh, I guess it was nothing.

Noah: (he and Owen fall at the same time as Emma and Kitty) So do you like movies or - (is cut off when Owen lands on him. Emma and Kitty look confused.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: (Noah glares at him) I so wasn't trying to interrupt you, really. I just landed on you by accident.  
\---> Noah: Well thanks, now I don't know if she likes movies or not.  
\---> Owen: Who doesn't like movies?  
\---> Noah: Look, I'm just trying to get to know her better so I can ask her out.  
\---> Owen: What can I do to help?  
\---> Noah: Let me think............ Oh yeah! (Glares) Nothing! 

Aaryn: I’ve got no taste buds so just give it to me.

Yves: Okay man. (Heads off)

Brody: The human trashcan is ready.

Geoff: Nice to know dude. (Runs off)

Don: (voice) With every team now at the street vendor, the competition begins to heat up!

(A montage shows some of the teams in the challenge. Lorenzo raises up a box and a snake wraps itself around his face. Chet smiles and laughs. Ryan and Stephanie have trouble with sea creatures and Stephanie is taking great joy in Ryan’s suffering. Yves is preparing the food while Aaryn looks on confident. Jordan is preparing the food while Fabian looks on nervous. Geoff puts a stick in the deep fryer but accidentally lets go and it sinks in. Geoff face palms. Crimson and Ennui release a crate holding bats. The bats chase Dwayne and Junior)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: (bats fly around the confessional) Bats are the best creatures in the world. We couldn't leave them trapped.

June: (reading the tip) I seriously don’t want to eat it but I promised I’d be fairer to you so I’m going to leave the decision up to you. Do you want to eat it or prepare it?

Quince: (grabbing skewer) Prepare to taste Chinese afro-Caribbean fusion.

(Confessional)  
\---> June: I did at one restaurant and it actually was pretty good. And for the record I’m the better cook, I so could’ve handled this. But I’ve probably had this coming for a while.

Mary: What’s our strategy here?

Ellody: Feed me the more edible ingredients.

Mary: Noted. (Heads off)

Dani: Now Syd let’s approach this carefully and... (Syd hands her the skewer)

Syd: Mom it’s okay, just start skewering I can take it. I love your cooking. Now come on, chop, chop, chop.

Dani: Okay, if you insist. (She goes off to start skewering.)

Aaryn: (sitting next to Syd) You seem a bit more pushy this time around.

Syd: This is a competition.

Aaryn: Well yeah but don’t you think you should put more faith in your mom?

Syd: I appreciate your concern but she’s my mom, I know her better than you.

Aaryn: Actually she knows you the best. Remember she existed before you but you’ve never existed without her.

Syd: Wow, never thought of it like that before.

Aaryn: Yeah, I can be deep.

Carrie: I don't know if I can do this....

Devin: Hey, don't worry. I'll eat. You just need to skewer up some worms and-(She runs off screen and hurls) Uh oh....

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: (Carrie looks pale as she holds up a bucket. He covers her ears.) When we were six, her sister dared her to eat worms and she did, then she threw up for three damn days. (Takes his hands off her ears)  
\---> Carrie: Were you talking about worms?  
\---> Devin: No? (She hurls again) What are you a barfing lie detector now?

Dwayne: (tries poking a scorpion with a stick but fails to do so) Come on! Stay still! (Tries to skewer one again but one scorpion crawls up the stick and onto his hand where it stings him multiple times) OWWW! (Junior looks worried. The vendor smirks. Dwayne starts shaking it off and it lands on Jacques face)

Jacques: AUGHHH! Josee! Get it off! (Josee smirks)

Josee: Hold still! (Punches Jacques in the face. The scorpion doesn't come off)

Jacques: OWW! (Hit again) Is it off?! (Hit again) Josee! (Hit again) Please stop! (Gets hit again and again and begins crying)

Leo: (Preparing to skewer) You sure you feel good about eating this?

Annie: Totally. We do everything in equal parts, you ate the stew in Morocco so I eat this.

Leo: Ok. (Rummages through until he bumps heads with Quince) Oh there you are.

Quince: Hey man. You skewering too?

Leo: Yeah, at Annie’s insistence.

Quince: That’s a good team mate. Prepared to do anything for you.

Leo: Yeah, she did want to eat the stew in Morocco but I wasn’t totally confident in her spice choices so I did. Turns out she got them all right. Maybe I should put more trust in her.

Quince: Why don’t you?

Leo: She’s kind of spacey.

Quince: Yeah I’ve noticed. Seems like my type of girl though, always having a spring in her step, a smile on her face and song in her heart.

Leo: Well if you like musicals she’s got them all committed to memory, like me.

Quince: Seriously?

Leo: Yeah, we’ve got all the classics and the hits on cd and we subscribed to that new Netflix for Broadway.

Quince: Really. Name the only Broadway playwright born on Broadway.

Leo: Eugene O’Neill.

Quince: Impressive.

Leo: Name 5 people who need only their Tony to get into the EGOT club.

Quince: Alan and Marilyn Bergman, Cher, Kate Winslet, and this one surprises most people, Julie Andrews.

Leo: Nice man. Wait are you asking to date my sister?

Quince: Well is she available?

Leo: (Looks at him sternly for a few moments before laughing) Yeah man of course she is. I should warn you though she’s never dated before.

Quince: Well that’s one thing we already have in common. (They continue searching) By the way, June’s also on the market.

Leo: (sarcastically) Thank you for the info.

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Yes!

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: I think June and Leo would be great couple, they’re already pushy to their partners, they love to be the best and show off to everyone else and they’re into dance.

Tom: Now Jen I know this goes against your diet plans but if we want to stay in the race we’ve got to do this.

Jen: Fine! Just make it quick!

Ryan: (Carries skewer over to deep fryer then drops it in. Stephanie watches angrily)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: Cooking something disgusting for someone you love is so hard. But for someone you despise, it’s so easy.

Junior: (Dwayne's hand is majorly swollen) You sure you're okay dad?

Dwayne: (he has a crazy look in his eyes) Of course Mr. President! Did you? (Passes out)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: (Dwayne laughs creepily behind him) The medic said the effects are only temporary but we can't just wait around or else we'll get eliminated. (Dwayne wanders off) Looks like I'm in charge. Again. (Turns and gasps) Oh no! Come back here! (Runs after him)

(Geoff and MacArthur present their skewers to their teammates)

Brody: Bottoms up man. (Starts eating)

Sanders: Seriously? I already ate the stew in morocco, you do this. (MacArthur looks at her intensely) Fine. (Starts eating)

Josee: Jacques, are you alright?

Jacques: (he sits on the ground beaten up and tired) I can't feel my face.

Josee: Good! Now hold! (She holds a skewer and his face in place)

Jacques: AUGHHHHHHHH! (She stuffs his face and forces him to chew)

Josee: WOOO! Done! (Jacques gets up and gags. He throws up) Oh suck it up! (She receives her next tip) It's a Botch-or-Watch. Whoever didn't dive for peals in Hawaii… (Cut off)

(Don is now sitting in a rickshaw near the vendor where all the contestants are)

Don: Must pull their teammate by rickshaw all the way to The Great Wall of China (he now stands in the Great Wall of China holding a map) using only this map. (He now stands on the Chill Zone. There are two Bonsai trees next to it) Last team to arrive at today's Chill Zone hidden somewhere along the wall, may be going home.

Jacques: (Josee pulls him in the rickshaw) Goodbye losers! (He laughs as they ride out)

MacArthur: (Sanders pulls her) Hustle Sanders! Use your glutes!

Sanders: I AM! (Surfers follow after them)

Devin: (looks) Carrie, three teams have already finished and we still haven't skewered anything. (Carrie goes to vomit) This isn't going good.

(The fashion bloggers stop to see what’s happening and are cringing at the sound of Carrie hurling)

Emma: (already prepped Kitty's skewer) I'm gonna fry this.

Noah: (to Owen) Hurry up! We need to go! (Owen skewers)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: I figured if I act like Emma, then she'd see we would be a perfect couple.  
\---> Owen: (smiles) What can go wrong?

Emma: (glares at Noah) Wow… could you be any meaner to your partner? (Walks off leaving Noah confused)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Why is this so hard?!  
\---> Owen: Now do you want my advice?  
\---> Noah: How can you possibly help? You've only had one girlfriend and that was Izzy.  
\---> Owen: True, but my experience with the ladies has taught me to remember one little important thing: Be subtle.

Owen: (he and Emma are deep frying their food) Psst. Noah likes you.

Emma: (seems shocked) You wanna hear a secret? (Owen smiles and nods) I don't care. (She walks off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: WHY?!  
\---> Emma: What? I'm not just gonna fall head over heels for Noah. (Crosses her arms)

(Stephanie is done with her kebab and flicks it at Ryan)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Your gross cooking couldn’t slow me down.  
\---> Ryan: Man, cockroach breath! Oddly enough you make it work.

(The daters receive their next tip)

Carrie: Devin. Look. (A snake is seen making a heart shape) It must be a sign. (The snake attacks Devin and he screams and she hurls again)

(Jordan and Sam are presenting their skewers to their teammates. Fabian takes his and hesitantly tastes it and then starts chowing down enthusiastically.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: (while Fabian eats in the background) I put sriracha on the kebab. He loves it. That’s how you make a team work, utilize your strengths and weaknesses.

Mary: Here you go. (Gives her skewer to Ellody) It’s mostly insects so you’ll at least get a good serving of protein.

Ellody: For the scientific community. (Starts eating then notices May) What are you doing?

May: (eating while Sam covers her eyes) Visual disassociation. If I can’t see it I’m less grossed out. (Continues to eat)

Ellody: Smart. Follow suit. (Mary covers her eyes as she continues to eat)

Gabriella: (Eats hers with confidence while Nekota looks on worried)

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: I just couldn’t stand the thought of feeding someone I love something so vile. It’s not like me at all.  
\---> Gabriella: Dude remember I voluntarily choose to eat it. I mean this show was going to humiliate us sooner or later, might as well get it done with now. (Kisses him to calm him down) Better?  
\---> Nekota: Actually yes. Brush your teeth though.

Jacques: (he and Josee run) There's the Wall!

Josee: Nothing can stop us now! (She trips on a banana peel sending Jacques flying)

Jacques: (flying) AUGHHHHHHHHHHH! (Crashes into the Great Wall of China) My other ankle!

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur/Sanders: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff/Brody: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella/Nekota: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)

(Confessional)  
\---> June/Quince: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan/Stephanie: (they laugh at the Ice Dancers misfortune)

(Confessional)  
\---> Don: (laughs at the Ice Dancers misfortune) What? Don’t act like that wasn’t funny!

Noah: (He sees Kitty scarfing down the food and decides to eat it all at once) Oww! Hot! (He still has food in his mouth and spits it out as he speaks)

Emma: (glares) I know this a race but you don't have to be a slob about it.

Noah: Sorry. (Spits food in her face accidentally) I'm so sorry. (He spits out more food. Emma runs and hurls.)

Kitty: (walks over to Noah) I know you like her and you're awkward but dude you're so bad at this. (Noah frowns)

(Crimson is seen eating her skewer and tries hard not to vomit. Lorenzo eats his and makes sure to vomit on Chet’s shirt)

(Quince and Leo have their skewers ready and are presenting them to their partners.)

June: (takes hers with hesitation) Come on fulfill your promise Oberst. (Starts eating only to find out she actually likes it and eats faster while Quince looks on delighted)

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: I decided to make the skewer tasty so June would eat it even though she’s a vegetarian. I used Chinese 5 spice, oregano, some brown butter and soy. I was actually amazed by what was available at the market.

Annie: (Takes hers and eats it with confidence) Good job Leo! This actually doesn’t taste as bad as I thought it would.

Leo: I will take that as a compliment.

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Really it all goes to Quince, he gave me the cooking advice. Maybe Annie would enjoy dating him, he does seem like a good choice.

(Yves and Dani have their skewers ready)

Aaryn: I’ll take that! (Takes his and eats it like its chocolate in seconds) Let’s go. (To mother/son) good luck. (The models leave along with the gym rats, the Julliard students and the siblings)

Syd: (takes his) Here goes everything. (Takes one taste and is mortified but he pushes through and starts eating hesitantly while Dani looks on concerned)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: Syd may be smart as an arrow but he sometimes over estimates his abilities. Like what he thinks he can and can’t eat. As long as he doesn’t vomit I think we’ll be good.

(Meanwhile Ryan is seen pulling the rickshaw while Stephanie sits inside along a bumpy, rocky path)

Stephanie: I know you’re hitting every bump on purpose! (Ryan smirks)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: What? I choose the path that best represents our relationship as it currently stands. (Stephanie vomits in the background)

(MacArthur/Sanders and Geoff/Brody arrive at the Great Wall of China but there are two ways to go)

Sanders: Which way do we go?

Geoff: Should we split up?

Brody: (puts his arm over MacArthur) Great! I'll go with MacArthur!

Geoff: Dude, I meant one team goes right and the other team goes left.

Brody: Oh, right.

(They all run to the right.)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I'm not surprised that Brody's into me. (Flexes her arms) Doctors say my pheromones are stronger than a jet plane filled with grizzly bears.  
\---> Sanders: What? That doesn't even make sense.  
\---> MacArthur: (laughs) Right cause you're a "bear expert". (Sanders gives a deadpan expression)

(Jacques and Josee are seen on the great wall wondering where to go)

Josee: Which way?

Jacques: (holds up map) This map is useless!

Josee: (takes the map then rubs her rock on it) I’ll let luck deiced! (Throws it to the wind where it blows right and they follow it until it blows left then follow that way)

(Meanwhile Lorenzo/Chet, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, Crimson/Ennui, Mary/Ellody, Dwayne/Junior, May/Sam, Tom/Jen and Jordan/Fabian get their tips and start racing on rickshaws.)

Don (voice): As more teams get their tips our last two teams are skewered up.

Tom: (to the best friends) See you at the chill zone, good luck! (Leaves pulling the rickshaw)

Jen: (moaning) God that was the worst crap I’ve ever eaten! (Carrie returns from vomiting)

Devin: Step aside barfy I’m cooking. (Starts skewering)

Carrie: But I can’t eat it.

Devin: Have faith.

Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: But it’s not chicken.  
\---> Devin: Doesn’t matter, make your mind believe its chicken.  
\---> Carrie: Okay, its chicken. It’s chicken. It’s chicken. It’s chicken.

Carrie: (gets the skewer) It’s chicken! It’s chicken! (Starts eating)

Devin: Yeah! Eat that chicken!

Syd: (just finished his food) Let’s go!

Dani: Maybe we should wait for you to digest.

Syd: (Reading the tip) No time, gotta go, gotta pull. (Dani is sitting in the seat while Syd struggles to pull it)

Kitty: (to Emma and she pulls the cart) I know you don't want to be in a relationship but you don't have to be so mean to Noah.

Emma: I have to or else I'll get too close to him and I refuse to be close to someone like that ever again. Relationships just ruin things.

Kitty: Or they make them better.

Emma: Well you never know and I’m here to win. (Kitty looks at her) I mean we are! (They hit a bump and they lose a wheel and it shatters) Oh no! Our wheel! Now we'll never win. 

Owen: (he and Noah pull up next to them) Hi guys! Need a hand?

Noah: (goes up to Emma) Hey Emma. Act normal. (Goes wide eyed) Sorry that part wasn't supposed to be out loud. I was talking to myself. (Sighs) How can this get any worse? (Face palms) Also to myself.

Emma: (cringes) Please stop.

Noah: Okay.

Kitty: How are we gonna fix this?

Noah: (ponders) I’ve got an idea!

(Elsewhere Stephanie and Ryan are seen wondering which way to go)

Stephanie: Let’s go left.

Ryan: Oh, hell no.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: Stephanie’s always wrong so we should do the opposite of what she says.  
\---> Stephanie: Well how about we let you live? Huh?!

Ryan: We’re going right!

Stephanie: You don’t tell me what to- (Gets picked up by Ryan and he starts running) Whoa!

(Jordan is pulling Fabian while Sam is pulling May. The siblings race alongside each other)

Fabian: You holding up there May?

May: Yeah, in fact look what I did. (Reveals that she’s been drawing the Chinese countryside in a sketchbook) And that’s not all. (Reveals she made a flipbook of the landscape as she rode and starts flipping the pages, you can see the landscape move)

Fabian: Man that’s so awesome!

Jordan: (to her brother) You know you’re doing pretty well for someone with the body of a 90’s supermodel.

Sam: Well that’s part of my appeal, I’m always full of surprises. (Winks and passes her)

Jordan: Hey! (Runs faster)

(Meanwhile, the Cadets and Surfers continue running)

Brody: Dudes we've been running forever!

Sanders: This has to be wrong. We should turn around!

Geoff: 180! Let's do it! (They run back)

Jacques: (sees the teams running back) Uh oh! If they’re running towards us then that means we’ve been running the wrong way!

Josee: Turn back! Now! (The Ice Dancers turn back and are ahead of the other two teams.)

(On the path, Owen and Emma pull the cart as Noah holds both carts together as Kitty sits)

Emma: Is this too fast for you Noah?

Noah: No, it's good!

Kitty: Doesn't that hurt?

Noah: Yes, I am in an extreme amount of pain but Emma's really pretty so I'm holding it in. (Realizes) That was out loud again wasn’t it? (Emma blushes as bit)

Emma: (lovingly) Yeah.

Dwayne: (he's pulling Junior with his swollen hand) I FEEL LIKE AN ICE PRINCESS! LET’S PLAY STRATEGO!

Junior: You sure you're doing okay dad?

(Meanwhile Gabriella is rocketing past the competition while carrying Nekota)

Nekota: Dude you’re killing it!

Gabriella: Yeah, I think that gross food actually gave me energy, weird ain’t it?

(Elsewhere Leo and June race alongside respectively carrying Annie and Quince)

Leo: You’re stronger than you look.

June: You too.

Leo: I told you that’s the dance training.

Annie: We take tap dancing classes and the teachers just love us, saying we always put so much feeling into our routines. (To Quince) You a dancer?

Quince: Not normally, I have danced a little in the background, but my focus is to be in the orchestra. I also want to score movies and bring mambo, rumba, cha-cha, jazz, and other music of the Caribbean to the top of the billboard 100.

Annie: I love rumba!

June: So you’re teacher likes you for your spirit? Mine just say I’m always so technically on point.

Leo: Well, cut lose and express yourself!

June: I don’t think I can. In my mind I’ve always got to do exactly what the steps show otherwise it’s not perfect.

Leo: Well in my experience it’s only perfect if you feel it’s perfect.

June: Thanks, I’ll really put that into consideration. (Sees the Great Wall) See ya! (Runs ahead of Leo so he runs faster to compensate)

(Meanwhile with Chet and Lorenzo)

Lorenzo: Hey what do you know? Your football practice is actually good for something deadweight.

Chet: Shut it! (Goes down a bumpy path purposefully)

(Crimson pulls Ennui without any emotion. Behind them are the fashion bloggers)

Jen: I feel so gross (almost vomits) are we there yet?

Tom: Yeah I think so, I think I can see it up ahead.

(At the Chill Zone, Ryan/Stephanie arrive at the Chill Zone first)

Don: I hope this doesn’t affect your relationship but you’re in first! Congratulations! (Ryan drops Stephanie as they cheer) For prizes you both get authentic Ming dynasty vases, two replicas of the terra cotta army, and copies of the guardian lions of the Forbidden City.

Stephanie: I call the vases.

Ryan: Since when do you call who gets what?

(Elsewhere we see Mary and Ellody using a sextant)

Mary: It looks like the chillzone is located to the west.

Ellody: Then westward we head. (They run)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: We brought all manner of scientific equipment with us, just in case we needed it. After all, you never know when you might need to find your way in the middle of night using only the stars.  
\---> Mary: And you can use it to find the shortest distance between any two locations.

(Elsewhere the models look for the chill zone)

Yves: We’ve been looking for a while, do you see anything remotely like the chill zone?

Aaryn: No, still I’m worried for Syd and Dani. I don’t think he enjoyed that food.

Yves: Aside from you I doubt anyone did.

Aaryn: Yeah but aside from that I overheard him saying to his mom they need to step up their game. Which is just a nicer way of saying “I’m gonna take the lead, you do what I say”

Yves: That’s not how you make a partnership work. You and I gel so well together because we each do a little at a time.

Aaryn: I tried to tell him that but then you two came with the food and he started eating.

Yves: Well if they make it to the chill zone I say we all have a group meeting and discuss fairness.

(Emma and Noah talk as Owen and Kitty walk ahead of them) 

Emma: How's the hand? (He holds up a swollen hand) Oh my God, that looks horrible.

Noah: Yeah, it's pretty painful. (Laughs nervously)

Emma: Here. (She starts rubbing his swollen hand) What you did for us was really nice. Does this feel better?

Noah: Actually, it's kinda painful. (Emma looks worried) But don't stop. (They smile at each other)

Kitty: (points ahead) There's the Chill Zone! (They run to the Chill Zone. Noah allows them to go first but Emma stops her) Huh?

Emma: We should let Owen and Noah go before us. They are the reason we even made it here before everyone else. 

Owen: (smiles) Thanks.

Noah: (smiles goofily) You're awesome.

Emma: (smiles) Just go you doofus. (Owen and Noah step on the Chill Zone before Emma and Kitty)

Don: The TV Pros are in 2nd and Sisters in 3rd.

(Back on the road Devin pulls Carrie)

Carrie: Oh, that wasn’t chicken.... (Moans)

(Elsewhere Mother/son have now just reached the wall. Syd looks kind of bloated, exhausted and uneasy)

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: It took us while to make it to the wall cause I had some trouble pulling the rickshaw but once I got it moving I was able to build some substantial speed, still that freaky food did a number on me  
\---> Dani: I told you to sit and digest that meal or you could’ve let me eat it.

Syd: (starts running) Okay, we just need to find (collapses out of exhaustion and indigestion) Oh god I’m so f*****g exhausted, but I’ve got to- (His mother grabs him and stops him)

Dani: Syd you need to rest. That’s final.

Syd: But the chill zone…

Dani: Syd honey why has this game suddenly become so important to you? You weren’t like this in the beginning.

Syd: Fine I’ll tell you! I wanted to do this race to prove to myself and to you that I could do something great and could be someone else beyond the guy people need to help with their math homework, electrical problems, appliances, smart devices and computer stuff. I just wanted to be seen as someone cool and not just tech support. As someone worth being friends with.

Dani: Syd you don’t need to do this race just for the sake of keeping up appearances. I know you’re a great son and a good person, you don’t need a vast faceless sea of viewers to do that for you. I’ve heard from Yves that Aaryn wants to date you not because you’re into him for his looks but because you make him feel special, he really enjoys your presence and company, and he’s ecstatic that he can talk with you about so many of his favorite things. That’s already good signs for a great relationship. Don’t squander what you already have for hollow fame.

Syd: (genuinely touched) Thanks mom. That was really special. Now let me go so we can still be in this race. I’ll rest when we’re at the chill zone.

Dani: Fine. (Releases her son and they run off)

(Elsewhere we see the animaniacs and the anime nerds looking around for the chill zone)

Jordan: I don’t see anything.

Fabian: (looks at map) And this map is useless. (Tosses it into the wind)

Sam: You got any luck May? (Notices May is sitting on the ground, meditating) What are you doing?

May: I’m listening to see if the spirits of the dead builders can help me find the chill zone, if I completely empty my mind I can listen to the dead.

Jordan: Okay now I’m concerned on a number of levels.

May: Shh! (Raises hand) Listen. (It’s completely quiet) The spirits say… go to the left! (Runs off to the left and Sam follows her)

Fabian: Let’s just follow her, we’re not making progress any other way.

Jordan: Good point. (They follow Sam and May)

(June is looking through binoculars to find the chill zone but doesn’t see anything)

June: You find anything? (Camera pans down to reveal she’s been standing on Quince’s head this whole time, just like in Hawaii)

Quince: (looks at map) No. (June looks through her binoculars again and sees a bunch of hoopoes fly right past her, she also sees Annie and Leo following them)

June: What are you doing?

Annie: The birds said they’d show us to the chill zone.

June: You can’t be serious.

Leo: It sounds crazy but following animals has helped us before in the past.

Quince: Wanna follow them?

June: Not like we’re making progress any ways. (Hops down from his head and they follow the siblings)

Josee: (she and Jacques arrive) Fourth again?!

Don: Yes, the numbers are sequential.

Josee: AAAHH! (Both she and Jacques get run over by the gym rats)

Don: Gym rats take 5th. (They high five)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (Josee is seen having a tantrum off-screen and throwing objects. Jacques gives a fake smile and a thumbs up)

Don: (MacArthur/ Sanders arrive) Sixth! (Geoff/ Brody arrive) Seventh! (Aaryn/Yves arrive) Eighth! (Mary/Ellody arrive) Ninth! (Lorenzo/Chet arrive) Tenth! (Leo/Annie arrive) Eleventh! (June/Quince arrive) Twelfth! (May/Sam arrive) Thirteenth! (Jordan/Fabian arrive) Fourteenth! (Tom/Jen arrive) Fifteenth! (Crimson/Ennui arrive) Sixteenth! With only two spots left and three teams fighting for it, it’s gonna be tense!

Junior: There's the Chill Zone! (He and Dwayne run with Devin/Carrie and Syd/Dani following behind. Carrie looks a little better.)

(The competition intensifies as the three teams race. Junior runs frantically while Dwayne still looks crazy. Devin and Carrie run determined to not finish last. Syd runs with all his might while Dani struggles to keep up. Eventually, Dwayne/Junior and Devin/Carrie cross the Chill Zone before Dani and Syd do)

Don: Father and Son take 17th and the Best Friends take 18th! (Syd falls onto the carpet of completion. Goes over to a disappointed Syd and a downtrodden Dani) Dani, Syd, I’m sorry to say but you’re the last team here.

Aaryn: Oh no!

Syd: (Hugs his mom to cool down) Mom, I’m really sorry we didn’t win.

Dani: Don’t worry honey, I still had a lot of fun. No amount of money could buy or replace that.

Don: I know that you guys are having an emotional moment but I have to reveal a surprise. (Clears his throat) Today is a non-elimination round! You are still in the game!

Dani: (shocked) Really? (Smiles) Yes! We're still in!

Syd: I know!

Don: In 19th place.

Syd: We’ll take it our victories as they come.

Don: Not really a victory but okay. (Aaryn and Yves walk up)

Yves: Hey Syd, I think the four of us should have a little talk about team dynamic.

Syd: Well can we do it later I’m exhausted.

Yves: Eh, sure. (Syd collapses in defeat and starts sleeping on the carpet)

Don: Can we move him? (Security personnel move him onto a stretcher) Which team will be eliminated next? (Points to mother and son) Probably them.

Dani: Hey!

Don: And what crazy adventures will we have next time? Find out when we return to THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remeber sgwa? Anyways, this episode also doesn't differ to much from canon but there are a few small subtle changes, for instance Dwayne got stung by accident rather than brought it upon himself. Since the Rockers are out that mad dash to 1st had to be taken by someone so I thought why not Syd and Dani? As Syd admitted he really, really wants to win this because he thinks it will make all his former classmates see him as cool, he wasn't exactly noticed in high school. And while Noah and Emma's romance is still going on I've also hinted at the developing romances between not 2 but now 4 of my oc's. I'm really excited because up next are not only my 3 favorite chapters I've written but also my 3 best chapters. Favorite joke this episode: that sexually suggestive positioning Sam & May got caught up in. 
> 
> Rankings:  
> Ryan & Stephanie (1st Place)  
> Owen & Noah (2nd Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (3rd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (4th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (5th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (6th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (7th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (8th Place)  
> Mary & Ellody (9th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (10th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (11th Place)  
> June & Quince (12th Place)  
> Sam & May (13th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (14th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (15th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (16th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (17th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (18th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (19th Place) 
> 
> Placements:  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	13. Let's Finnish This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While in Finland the teams must withstand the heat, brave the cold and then turn it up to 11 to impress the crowd.

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams got skewered in China and ate disgusting street food. (Gags). Gabriella and Nekota got up close with meat curtains, Brody gained a crush on MacArthur, Syd and Dani hit a road block with their strategy, and Dwayne went absolutely bonkers! Poor Junior. (Laughs) Anyways, the Daters/Haters won the challenge. When it seemed like mother and son were out, it was a non-elimination round and they were able to stay. (Nineteen different circles containing the teams and their team colors surround Don) These proud nineteen teams remain. Who will be packing to go home today? Find out here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Into plays)

(We are seen back at the Chill Zone where everyone was at yesterday. Don stands in front with Ryan/Stephanie. A Don Box is next to them.)

Don: Yesterday's Chill Zone stands on top of The Great Wall of China and is today's starting line. The Daters, yesterday's winners, will read the first tip. (Ryan grabs the tip then Stephanie steals it away from him)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: We can’t quit now. The money is like our children, we’ve got to stay together, for them.  
\---> Ryan: I heard they’re changing our name from the daters to the haters.  
\---> Stephanie: Hey, my hate for him won us the last round so I plan to hate him even more today.  
\---> Ryan: I couldn’t hate her even more if I tried.

Stephanie: (She reads it) Fly to Oulu, Finland. (Raises an eyebrow) Finland?

MacArthur: (she and Sanders read the tip) That's the country where those fancy ass furniture stores come from right?

Sanders: Not exactly. 

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of Finland) Yes, Finland. This European country is home to many coffee drinkers, cellphone users, and the most saunas per capita which is where the teams are heading. (He now stands in front of the sauna with a Don Box next to him. The Don box is only wearing a towel) Teams will find this Don Box here at the piping hot saunas to receive their next tip. (He is now seen in a sauna with a bear) Why suffer in the cold when you can suffer in the heat? (He opens the door and is seen tanned. His towel falls revealing his junk down under) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: Finland is a paradise.  
\---> Crimson: They have almost 4 months of total darkness a year and Goth is mainstream.  
\---> Ennui: (pulls out his cellphone and shows a picture of a man in Goth attire) This guy ran for office and won.

(At a taxi stand, all the teams try to hail a cab but they all fail to do so)

Devin: Taxi!

Josee: Chauffeur!

Crimson: Cab.

Gabriella: Come on! (No taxis stop for anyone) This is impossible.

Annie: (she gets out in the middle of the street and starts pounding the ground like she’s a 5 year old having a tantrum. Everyone just stares in bewilderment. A taxi stops to check on her.) Can you drive me and my brother to the airport?

Taxi driver: Yes.

Annie: (to Leo) Come on. 

Leo: (to the Julliard students) You guys want a ride?

June: (She, Annie, Leo, and Quince all sit in the back of a taxi.) So, it was really nice of you to share this cab with us.

Leo: You’re welcome.

Annie: Hey, why don’t we form an alliance?

June: How about you just toss me out the door now and save yourself the trouble of eliminating me? 

Quince: Come on just give it a try.

June: Fine, we’ll try a mini alliance today but if either of us get eliminated it’s through.

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: We’re making headway with June.  
\---> Annie: So you do like her.  
\---> Leo: Yeah but, don’t let her know that yet. I want to tell her.

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: So you think you’ll admit you’ve got it in for Leo?  
\---> June: Only if we’re both still around after today.  
\---> Quince: I’m not hearing a no.

(Inside the taxi carrying the step brothers)

Lorenzo: You know what’s weird?

Chet: Your face!?

Lorenzo: Aside from your face it’s the fact that despite all our fighting we haven’t been eliminated yet.

Chet: Well we must be doing something right or else all those other teams are idiots.

Lorenzo: Dude no one’s a bigger idiot than you.

Chet: I’ll show you an idiot! (Puts him in a headlock) 

(Inside the cab carrying mother/son)

Dani: You feel confident and better about today honey?

Syd: Yeah mom so much better.

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: Yesterday we would’ve gone home had it not been a non-elimination round because of my overconfidence.  
\---> Dani: But we had a good conversation with our “teammates” and we came to a consensus.  
\---> Syd: I need to factor in what my mother can do and let her take the lead when possible.  
\---> Dani: To victory, or at least not last place.

Don: (voice) Our teams are on route to Finland and thanks to the effects of digital editing, they have just arrived.

(All the teams are on the same flight and their flight takes off. The flight lands in Oulu's International Airport and all the teams head out in separate taxis. Owen and Noah are the first team to arrive at the sauna as Noah reads the tip) 

Noah: (reads the tip) It's an All-In. "Finish Spa Day"? Teams have to sit in a dry sauna....

Owen: (smiles) Awesome!

Noah: (continues) fully-clothed at the highest temperature for ten minutes. (He turns to see Owen undressing)........

Owen: (Puts his shorts back on) Not awesome......

Don: (he's sitting in a sauna hut with a bear) Each hut has just enough room for two teams except for the last one which seats three and the ten minute time doesn't start until every team is in a sauna.

Noah: (continues to read the tip) Once the ten minutes are done, receive your next tip from the Don Box by crossing the semi-frozen river. (The semi-frozen river is shown. A baby seal sneezes and falls into the water) 

Owen: (gets determined) Let's do this! First place! (He begins to run for a sauna)

Noah: (grabs Owen) Wait! Do you mind if we wait for Emma and Kitty?

Owen: (smiles) Not a problem! Anything for my Noah!

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: I think I'm starting to get Emma to warm up to me. The trick is to constantly get in her face. Chicks love that. Still, I'm not going to let this affect our game. My top priority is Emma. (Realizes) I mean winning!  
\---> Owen: (chuckles) Sure it is.

Aaryn: (he and Yves arrive) Alright! First place! (They go inside a sauna)

Owen: Now we're in second place.

Noah: We'll be fine Owen. (The Goths arrive and enter the sauna the models are in. They shut the door) 

Owen: Third place.

Noah: Still top three, buddy. (Out of nowhere, Gabriella/Nekota, Josee/Jacques, MacArthur/Sanders, Ryan/Stephanie, Lorenzo/Chet, Geoff/Brody, Annie/Leo, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, Tom/Jen, Dwayne/Junior, Carrie/Devin, June/Quince, Mary/Ellody, and Syd/Dani appear and enter saunas.) Okay, what the hell?! Seriously, weren't we all on the same flight? (Emma and Kitty finally appear) Oh hey guys. Anyways, so it's two teams per sauna so we wanted to see if you guys wanted to share one with us?

Emma: So you guys waited for us?

Owen: (puts his arm around Noah) Yeah, we sure did!

Kitty: (to Emma) A sauna together huh? Sounds hot.

(The Sisters and TV Pros are seen in the 9th sauna. They are sweating uncontrollably and their hair is standing down.)

Kitty: (groans) So hot! How long has it been?

Emma: (sighs) Ten seconds.

Noah: (to Emma) So.....

Emma: (groans) Too hot to talk. Sorry.

Noah: Right. Sorry. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: It's totally working. (Smiles)  
\---> Owen: (smiles) And all it cost us was our lead. (Noah face palms)

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: What's wrong with you?! You like Noah but you continue to shoot him down! He literally gave up first place just so he could talk to you.  
\---> Emma: Noah doesn't know that and I don't want him knowing it! (Sighs) I'll ask him out after we win.  
\---> Kitty: (smiles) You're going to ask out Noah! You're going to ask out Noah! (Emma groans)

(In the 2nd hut, Josee and Jacques are seen struggling in the heat due to their clothes.)

Jacques: Why are ice dancing clothes so well insulated? (Sighs) Maybe your good luck charm is broken. I don't know about us winning this challenge.

Josee: Relax, Jacques. (Points) Our main competition are those weakling nerds. (Smirks) The heat will destroy them. (Camera pans over to the gym rats who are also sweating) 

Gabriella: Don’t talk about us like we’re not in the room when we’re literally right next to you! If I weren’t so hot I’d slap you senseless!

Nekota: Don’t do it, it’s just not worth it.

(In the 3rd sauna hut, MacArthur/Sanders and Ryan/Stephanie sit.)

Ryan: When we get out we should run fast.

Stephanie: Great plan bicep brains. 

(In sauna hut number 4, the Surfer Dudes and Stepbrothers sit in the heat. Lorenzo and Chet glare at each other but they don't argue.)

Geoff: Uh guys? Can we ask you a question?

Chet: Sure. What?

Geoff: Why do you two hate each other? 

Chet: What, how’d you know?!

Brody: Yeah, it's just anytime we see you guys you're always fighting. We just want to know why? I mean I know this situation isn’t exactly ideal right now. Someone new comes into your life and you’re supposed to brother up unexpectedly. 

Lorenzo: (glares) First off, we're STEP-brothers. Secondly, Chet's a loser! I hate everything about him!

Chet: (glares) Oh yeah! Well, Lorenzo's a Poo-Head! (They glare angrily at each other)

Geoff: Have you guys ever tried seeing if you have common ground?

Lorenzo/Chet: Huh?

Geoff: Yeah, maybe if you guys talked it out you could see if you dudes have something in common.

(Lorenzo and Chet look at each other and think)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: Dude that was awesome advice! You should totally be a therapist.  
\---> Geoff: (smiles) I know. I can't help it when I see two bros fighting. I feel like it's my job to help them out. 

(In the 5th sauna, June/Quince and Leo/Annie sit and sweat.) 

Leo: So Quince you want to score movies? That’s so weird we want to be in movies.

Quince: Yeah I want to be like John Powell or Alexandre Desplate. Do you plan on being character actors or will you play anything and anyone?

Annie: We honestly want to star in musicals but unfortunately they just aren’t the hot commodity they we’re in the 40s and 50s. 

June: I know, I’d love to be the choreographer for them. Or just a dancer. My goal is to be like Martha Graham. 

Annie: I want to be like Marilyn Monroe or Bette Davis only with a longer lifespan.

Leo: I consider myself leading man material like Gene Kelly or Clark Gable, you know someone who can really bring joy to a room just by their presence. I feel like charisma is the most important part of being an actor, after his ability to emote, especially in this day and age it really does pay to be nice and fun. 

Quince: Yeah that’s the problem people just don’t seem to want to have fun anymore.

Leo: That and there’s no Oscar for best choreography. 

June: That’s what I’ve been saying! 

Quince: (To Annie) This is going well.

Annie: I know.

(In the 6th sauna hut, Carrie/Devin and Tom/Jen are sitting and sweating.)

(Carrie uses her sleeves to wipe the sweat off Devin’s brow. Tom cleans his fogging up glasses)

Jen: (Cringing) This top isn’t made for steam press! (Squeals)

(In the 7th sauna, Dwayne/Junior and Dani/Syd sit. Everyone looks tired as hell.)

Syd: You okay mom?

Dani: Oh yeah I’m fine. (To Dwayne) How are you two holding up?

Dwayne: Good but we’ll feel better once we get to leave, right Junior?

Junior: To hot to talk. Just stop.

Syd: I hope Aaryn’s holding up ok.

(In the 8th sauna, Fabian/Jordan, May/Sam and Mary/Ellody are sitting in the heat. Mary does not look good. The geniuses’ glasses are fogging up)

Mary: (to Ellody) Why did we choose this sauna again? All these bodies are only making it stuffier. (Cleans her glasses) 

Ellody: Strategy. That May girl is the only competition we have intellectually. I want to see what she and her team’s made of to see how they stack up. 

Jordan: (To Fabian) You holding up man?

Fabian: (Wearing sweats and close-toed shoes) Figures they throw us into the deep freeze and then straight into the steam cooker. I’m just glad I showered last night. 

Sam: We all are. 

May: (Hair is all messy like it was in Dubai) Don’t worry guys I think time is almost up, until then just visualize the bitter cold outside, maybe it will keep your minds off the heat.

Jordan: Good idea. (She and the geniuses do what May said)

Sam: Woo! This heat is going to shrink me down till I’m skinnier than I already am! (Wipes area around eyes. Looks down on his hands to see mascara on them. Concerned he wipes his hands across his face wiping off more mascara) Guys, my make-up is running! (Wipes tattoos on arm and they smudge) And my tattoos? Cheap ass ink! If we win I’m getting re-inked.

May: Later, it’s too exhausting to talk now. 

(The camera pans into nine different screens showing all the teams in the saunas. They are all sweating and their hair stands down. They patiently wait for the time to run out.)

Don: (voice) As the remaining teams get cooking and wait for time to run out, our teams in the first 4 saunas are about to step out of the heat and back into the cold.

(The camera zooms into the first sauna with Crimson/Ennui and Aaryn/Yves in it. They only have 0:32 seconds remaining)

Aaryn: (sweating and groaning) I normally love a good sauna but this is crazy! Thank god time’s almost up.

Yves: Good because I think this heat is starting to have serious effects on my mind because I can swear the Goths are melting right now.

Aaryn: Dude, relax its just a halluci-(turns around to the Goths and gasps) OH MY GOD THEY ARE MELTING!

(The Goths face paint is indeed melting)

Ennui: Huh?

Crimson: What? (They look at each other and gasp loudly)

(The timer runs out for the first four saunas)

Don: (voice) And they're off! Some faster than others.

Ennui: (he and Crimson run away) First place. 

Aaryn: (comes out) Wait up! (He runs after them while Yves cools off in the snow)

Gabriella: (waves to the Ice Dancers as she and Nekota leave) Bye guys!

Nekota: Enjoy the race! (They run for the river while Josee and Jacques crash in the snow. They are literally steaming. Lorenzo/Chet, Geoff/Brody, Ryan/Stephanie, and MacArthur/Sanders crash in the snow sweating)

(Back to the Sisters and Reality TV Pros who are still waiting. The final five sauna huts' time is about to run out. Kitty notices a bucket of water.)

Kitty: (dumps herself with the bucket and sighs in relief) I didn't know dry saunas had buckets of water. 

Emma: Uh Kitty?

Kitty: Yeah?

Emma: That wasn't water....

Kitty: (goes wide eyed) T-t-then what was that?

Noah: That was Owen's sweat. (Motions to Owen who is sweating into four separate buckets similar to the one Kitty doused herself.)

Owen: (groans) I'm sorry but I am a sweat volcano. (Laughs and smiles) 

Kitty: (she freaks out) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (Time runs out for the final five sauna huts. Kitty runs out screaming) AUGHHHH!!!! (Runs for the river)

Owen: (he shoves Noah and Emma into the snow) NEED COLD! (The remaining teams walk weakly and hot to the semi-frozen river)

Jacques: (he and Josee crawl weakly in the snow) Must persevere. Greatness awaits! (Kitty runs over him and Josee) Now that was rude! (Owen runs over him and Josee) Okay, oww! (Ryan/Stephanie, MacArthur/Sanders, Geoff/Brody, and Lorenzo/Chet run over them) Why.....

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: (smiles) You gotta admit that felt good! (Sanders nods)

(At the semi-frozen river, Crimson and Ennui are the first ones there)

Ennui: Here's the semi-frozen river.

Crimson: We need to be careful so our makeup doesn't run.

Kitty: (she shows up screaming) AUGHHHHHHHH! (She bumps into the Goths causing all three to fall in the water. Kitty finally resurfaces wiping her arms.) S-s-s-so unclean! (Owen jumps in and he is completely frozen solid) Uh oh.

Emma: (she and Noah arrive and see Owen frozen) Whoa that looks really cold.

Noah: (acts all tough) It can't be that bad. I've been in way colder situations. (He jumps in but resurfaces shivering) S-s-s-s-see? (Laughs nervously)

Emma: Uhh.....

Noah: (smiles) Hey, I have an idea. You can climb on Owen and he’ll carry you across.

Emma: Are you sure Noah? I mean, the water is pretty deep.

Noah: (smiles) Of course! Hop on! (Emma shrugs and gets on Owen.) 

June: (She, Quince, Annie and Leo have made it to the river) Well, here goes nothing. (Pirouettes across ice floes like it’s a game of hopscotch) You all coming?

Leo: I am. (Also hops across ice floes)

Quince: We’ll find another way. 

Annie: Wait for us.

June: For once I will. (Grabs the next tip) Head to Downtown Oulu and get ready to air out your rock on. Ok what the hell does that even mean? (Notices something on the shore of the river) Huh? 

(Out of the water come out two people. They cough as they dry off. They don't look like anyone we know. The guy is peach skinned with brown hair and black eyes. The girl is also peach skinned with ginger hair and blue eyes. Wigs fall off them.)

June: Who are you guys?

Ennui: It's obviously me, Ennui.

Crimson: And I'm Crimson.

Leo: No you’re not, because I don’t feel a chill up my spine like I typically do whenever they’re around. 

June: You too? I thought I was the only one.

Crimson/Ennui: Huh?! (They look at each other and gasp) AUGHHHH!!! (They look into their mirrors) AUGHHHH!!!

Ennui: (shocked) My face!

Crimson: (covers her face) Don't look at me!

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: (he and Crimson have bags over their faces) We've only been dating for three years so naturally we've never seen each other "ungothed".  
\---> Crimson: I feel like a dead body that washed up on shore...... But in a bad way.

(On the other side of the river the Geniuses, the anime nerds, and the Animaniacs approach the river)

Fabian: Semi-freddo river.

Sam: That’s right.

Ellody: So what do we do? Because I am not swimming across since I am not a harp seal.

May: Wait I’ve got an idea. I saw an ax by the saunas, I’ll run back and go get it. Wait here. 

Jordan: Okay. (May runs off and the gym rats arrive)

Gabriella: God I feel so much better. (Notices people) What are you all waiting for?

Mary: May said she’ll come back with an ax to help us get across.

Nekota: Let’s wait for her rather than risk becoming ice cubes. 

Gabriella: Good idea. (Both fall into the snow to cool off) Aww, bliss.

(Stephanie and Ryan reach the river)

Ryan: Seriously? I’m already shivering.

Stephanie: Guess we just have to go for it. (Pushes him in) 

Ryan: You’re pure evil! (Grabs her and throws her in)

Stephanie: You’ll pay for this! (They swim)

(Later Father/Son and Mother/Son approach the river)

Dani: They can’t be serious?

Syd: I guess they are. Let’s look around and see if there’s a bridge somewhere. If that’s okay with you.

Dani: Sure thing honey. (They leave)

Dwayne: (noticing several people waiting by the river) So what are you all doing?

Sam: Waiting for May to come back with her ax.

Dwayne: What? (Hears something in the woods behind him and turns around to see May menacingly branding an axe) 

May: HERE’S MARI! (Swings the axe)

Dwayne: AAAAHHHH! (To his relief May isn’t attacking him but chopping down a tree next to him. When she’s done she slams him into the tree causing it to fall over the river to be used as a bridge)

May: Bridge for use! Free for all! (Her team, the Geniuses, the animaniacs, the gym rats, Quince and Annie cross it.)

Junior: (noticing his beaten and shaken father) You okay dad?

Dwayne: I’m fine, we'll cross the river when I can get up.

Aaryn: (Arrives carrying Yves on his back) Come on Yves! You gotta cross the bridge!

Yves: Still too hot to move. (Aaryn drops her and then dumps a handful of water from the river on her face) EEEHH! I’m up! I’m up! 

Aaryn: Then let’s go! (They start to cross the bridge) I hope Syd finds his way across, wherever he is. 

Chet: I’m not jumping in first, you do it!

Lorenzo: No you!

Chet: Let’s just do it on three. 

Lorenzo: fine

Chet: One, two, three-

MacArthur: (coming in fast) Look out! (Dives into the water pushing Chet and Lorenzo in) Man that’s cold! But bracing! (Sanders approaches the river) You coming in or what?

Sanders: I’ll cross the bridge. (Runs over to the tree)

MacArthur: Suit yourself. (She and the step-brothers swim across the river)

(It's later at night where the scene is Downtown Oulu. There's a stage set up with a crowd of goths in front. There are speakers, wires, and a meter on stage. A Don Box is placed near the entrance backstage. Taxis arrive carrying Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, May/Sam, Jordan/Fabian and Crimson/Ennui.)

Owen: (gets out of the taxi) Whoa! A concert! Don really outdid himself. Who’s performing? (The five teams grab their tips)

Noah: (reads) Apparently, we are.

May: (reads) It's a Botch-or-Watch.

Emma: Teams must battle it out in Finland's national sport, air guitar? (Groans) For real?

Don: (he's seen on the stage now) For very real. Performances will be judged by this applause meter. (Points to the applause meter above him) Get the crowd into a maximum frenzy (plays air guitar while the crowd cheers causing the applause meter to ring), and teams can rock on over here to today's Chill Zone. (The Chill Zone can be seen on the other side of the stage) Bottom out (the crowd begins booing until the applause meter goes down) and its back to the end of the line to try again. Whoever didn't pull the rickshaw in Beijing must rock out on stage.

(The five teams are seen backstage practicing for their performances)

Kitty: (practices) How do I look?

Emma: Like a lunatic but I think that's what we're going for so we're good. (Kitty smiles)

(Fabian stims nervously) 

Jordan: (to the camera) What? You think it’s weird? Well good for your opinion. I’m just gonna let him stim until he feels confident enough to get onstage and perform. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: I love who you are on the inside but I just can't look at you on the outside.  
\---> Crimson: I know. Looking at your perky nose makes me want to vomit.

Don: (As more teams arrive, he stops Crimson and Ennui from joining the line. They still have bags over their heads) Hold up! This is for Ridonculous Race competitors only.

Ennui: But it's us. I'm Ennui and this is Crimson.

Don: That can't be. I'm not even remotely afraid of you guys. 

Crimson: But we have a camera crew following us. (The camera crew is shown)

Cameraman: Yeah Don, I have the footage. They really are Crimson and Ennui.

Don: Well, I guess that checks out. Good luck. (He walks off as Noah goes onstage. He looks nervous.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Air guitar. All the coolness about not being a musician and all the lameness of jumping up and down like a buffoon.  
\---> Owen: Yeah! This challenge had Owen written all over it.  
\---> Noah: Easy buddy, I'm going to use my inner-Owen. (They fist bump)

(Noah is seen onstage doing his air guitar act. He plays awkwardly and sings while he does it. Owen, Emma, and Kitty watch him from backstage. Owen cheers for Noah while Emma rolls her eyes. Noah begins to look nervous.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: It’s hard to dance like no one’s watching you when someone’s LITERALLY watching you.  
\---> Owen: I was only encouraging you. Oh, you mean Emma. 

(Noah gets distracted by Emma and trips over a wire. He goes head first into a speaker while the crowd boos him. The tower of speakers begins to shake. Noah gasps.)

Owen: (gasps) NOAH! (He runs after him)

Noah: NO! (Owen crashes on top of him)

Owen: (smiles) See? Safe and sound. (The speakers fall on top of them) Well, sorta safe and sound. (Laughs nervously. He and Noah head to backstage) I know you like Emma and I'm so happy for you but your crush on her just got us crushed. 

Noah: I know but its fine. At least we're still top five. (Sees that every team other than Mother/son is here) Sixth, seventh, eighth. (Facepalms) Aww crud.

Fabian: (smiles as he goes onstage) Looks like I'm up. (Smile quickly turns to a look of fear)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: Fabian has severe performance anxieties. He won’t even do a podcast unless he’s blindfolded and he once only agreed to sing while wearing blinding contacts even though I was his only audience.  
\---> Fabian: Don’t worry maybe if I just don’t look at the audience I can do this.

(Fabian is trying to perform but then all the sounds, like the speakers, the music, the voices from the audience, the hum of the lights and his own feet on the floor, not to mention the overwhelming visual overload like the lights causes him to go still. He looks into the eyes of the audience’s eyes and it’s like he’s looking at the sun, he tries to look at his friend’s eyes but he just sees demon eyes. He gets too scared and freaks out by completely freezing up and falls to the ground. The crowd boos him as a vaudeville hook pulls him offstage. A lot of contestants didn’t seem happy to see that.)

Junior: So that’s what it’s like when an autistic person shuts down? Not fun. 

Jordan: Blue screen of death? 

Fabian: (Still frozen in fear) Yes. Sorry Jordan.

Jordan: Don’t worry, I kind of expected that, we just have to rework our strategy. And unfreeze you. (To Sam and May) You guys are up.

(Confessional)  
\---> May: Another challenge that Sam would’ve killed goes to me.  
\---> Sam: Seriously, I’m a punk guitarist.  
\---> May: But I’m not worried, I just need to channel my inner freak to win this challenge.

(May tries to play guitar while doing head banging metal moves, but only comes off looking silly. The audience boos her and she heads off stage)

Don: (voice) It seems like no one can air out their rock on. Did that make sense?

(A montage is seen of some of the contestants trying to air guitar. Kitty attempts to air guitar but they boo her out and throw a tomato at her. MacArthur does a power slide but they boo her out and throw tomatoes at her. Lorenzo is seen playing awkwardly and they throw tomatoes at him as they boo. Junior plays until he loses a shoe and they throw tomatoes at him as they boo him. Ryan tries flexing his muscles to get them excited but they throw tomatoes at him and boo.)

Don: (voice) And even when they get a groove on, they just trip over it. 

(Yves tries to rock until she trips over her heels and falls offstage. She’s okay. Geoff is doing well until the floor beneath him breaks causing him to fall down. He's okay. Annie tries to air guitar but the audience throws groceries at her and boo her off the stage. Carrie tries to air guitar but they throw spiked metal accessories at her causing her to run off stage in a screaming panic and into Devin’s comforting chest. Jen tries to air guitar but they throw a multitude of knives at her, none of them cut her but they leave a perfect silhouette of her against the backdrop, she also runs screaming offstage. Nekota tries to air guitar but an audience member throws a baseball at him, knocking him out of his clothes like Charlie Brown, he quickly gathers his clothes then leaves. Jacques is doing twirls as he air guitars. He accidentally hits a wire causing him to be shocked and fall to the ground.)

Jacques: (glares at the wire) Why are there even wires up here?! This is air guitar! (They boo him offstage) 

(Ennui's paper bag falls off as he power slides to center stage and performs pretty well. Suddenly he begins hears booing from the crowd) 

Crowd: GET OFF THE STAGE PREPPY! (Ennui begins to look sad and tears up)

Don: (voice) Or perhaps they just lack that special something.

Devin: (He and Carrie talk to Crimson) Wow, is that you Crimson? Your skin is so flesh-colored.

Carrie: (smiles) And I love your hair.

Tom: And since I can look at you directly in the eye I can finally say how spectacular your outfits are, especially Ennui’s belt going with his boots. 

Crimson: (shocked and a bit scared) You're throwing a lot of positive emotions my way and I don't know what do with that.

Jen: (raises an eyebrow) Say thank you?

Ennui: (Crimson puts her bag back on her head as does he) Crimson, wait, this is just the way the world is for us now. I think I know how to handle it.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: We’re quitting.

June: (to Quince) What the hell man. I thought you had this in the bag, you’re the musician between the two of us.

Quince: (A little roughed up) Might I remind you I’m trained in classical, jazz, flamenco, rebetiko, Kingstown jive, son Cubano, tango, and ragtime, NOT rock n roll and heavy metal!

Mary: I also take it didn’t go well? 

Ellody: (Also roughed up) Yeah, and I’m sorry to say Mary but I think this is the one challenge we can’t think our way out of. 

Mary: What are we supposed to do?

Ellody: It’s probably one of those “Feel the rhythm and don’t overthink it” types of situations. 

Mary: Seriously? Our whole lives are based on logic, thinking, and reason. We don’t just do things based off of feeling. That’s for Hollywood starlets, rednecks, and adrenaline junkies. 

(May tries again to rock but fails and is chased offstage by vallhunds and lapphunds) 

Don: (voice) Will anyone pass this challenge? Seriously, this is pathetic.

(Much, much later) 

Dani: (She and Syd suddenly arrive.) Is it too late? Have we been eliminated yet? 

Josee: No, but I have faith.

Aaryn: What took you so long?

Syd: We went the long way down the stream until we found a bridge, crossed it, and then had to run all the way back up stream to get the don box. (Reads the tip) Air guitar? (Shrugs) Why not, I’ll try anything once.

Junior: Actually you can’t. You pulled the rickshaw in China so it’s your mom’s turn.

Syd: Really? (Notices his mother’s disapproving look) I’m sorry mom but I just don’t think this is your challenge to win, I mean these people are tougher than nails.

Yves: (Runs backstage while being pelted by food) AAAH! These people are unpleasable! What do I have to do?! Shoot ping pong balls out my ass?!

Aaryn: (Laughs a little)

Yves: What’s so funny?!

Aaryn: Well Yves just consider the actual image of you shooting ping pong balls out of your butt like in Priscilla: Queen of the desert. (Laughs some more) 

Yves: (Starts laughing) Yeah I guess that is pretty funny. (They both continue to laugh)

Syd: Wait, has anyone passed this challenge?

Quince: (Just returned from failing again) No. By the way I think your team’s next.

Dani: Yes! (Walks but is stopped by her son) 

Syd: Mom, wait are you sure you can do this? You’re not exactly metal.

Dani: Syd honey, let your mom take control and handle this herself. (Runs onstage)

Syd: Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

(The music starts but Dani is nowhere to be seen. The crowd begins booing while the applause meter starts dropping. Syd looks worried. Suddenly, the curtains rise to reveal Dani dressed like a younger Steve Tyler. She suddenly does a jump in the air and begins to air guitar to the music like Slash. She's doing pretty well, scratch that really well. The crowd begins to cheer for her as the applause meter rises. Syd and everyone else looks dumbfounded. Kitty even takes a photo without breaking her stare.)

Syd: Oh, my god!

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: You know, when I first entered this Race I thought that my mom was just like any other suburban soccer mom, content to just do her job as a realtor. But know I know she can hang ten and let loose like no one’s business. She rocks! (Cheers) WOOOHOOO! GO MOM!

Dani: (is seen doing many air guitar tricks on stage such as spinning, rocking her head back and forth, then does a power slide and plays the air guitar amazingly. The crowd is loving it.) Now for the next part I need alcohol and a lighter.

Yves: Here you go. (Tosses both to her)

Syd: Where’d you get those?

Yves: The beer was from craft services, and the lighter I found on stage as I ran away. I think someone threw it at me.

Dani: (Takes a huge swig of the beer and then spits it over the lighter causing a massive fire to go over the crowd. The crowd goes crazy as some roast marshmallows with the fire. The applause meter suddenly reaches its max and rings. Everyone is shocked by what just happened but some applaud.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: We just lost, to a divorced 40 something suburban soccer mom!? (Throws a temper tantrum)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: So spitting fire at the crowd is okay, eh? That gives me an idea.  
\---> Sanders: I’m not liking where this is going. (Gives a worried look)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: So we can freak out the crowd, eh? That gives me an idea.  
\---> Sam: (Excited) I’m loving where this is going! (Smiles) 

(Onstage Dani is still taking in the applause of the crowd and loving it. Her son runs onstage to meet up with her)

Syd: (excited) Mom that was amazing! But where did you learn all that?

Dani: (waving) Before you were born and I met your father I bummed around the country as a professional groupie for bands like Kiss, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, The Rolling stones, Poison, and the David Matthews band. Man that was so wild. By the way I’m banned from Detroit for kissing Prince Charles and Prince Nelson.

Syd: Don’t worry even the people who live in Detroit want to be banned from it. But seriously mom, that was incredible! I’m sorry I doubted how hardcore you can be, I’ll never do it again.

Dani: Well thanks Syd sweetie. Oh, here’s my favorite part. Come on! (Takes her son and they both dive into the crowd to crowd surf their way to the chill zone) Woo hoo! It’s like 4th of July 1989 in D.C!

Syd: Oh god everyone’s toughing everything. (They crowd sets them down and they run to the chill zone)

Don: And so we have today's winners! Dani and Syd take first place for the first time! (They hug and cheer) And your prize is the same as the winners of the world wife carrying championship, the wife’s weight in beer! Which is I’m guessing is 170?

Dani: You’d be right. Hey everyone at work, party at my house when we come home! 

Syd: Great. Something I can’t have till I’m 21.

Don: You also get your own sauna!

Syd: Now that’s something I can use! This win is everything right now. 

Don: Yes it is. There isn’t a soul in Finland who isn’t filled with joy.

(Elsewhere in Oulu a cab caries the goths. We see the goths still have the bags over their heads and are still not looking at each other) 

Crimson: I wish it didn’t have to end this way.

Ennui: Maybe it doesn’t have to. We could try to accept each other the way we are. (They both take off their bags to look at each other. They actually smile a little until Ennui notices something outside the taxi’s window) Look. (Points to a store that sells Goth clothing and accessories, they see two outfits, one a black coat and the other a red dress. Ennui smiles and looks at Crimson) Are you thinking what I’m thinking? 

Don: With the Dani's example fresh in their minds, teams amp up their performances with rocking results!

(MacArthur is seen using a lighter to fart to into the crowd. Two goths lose their hair but they continue to cheer. Lorenzo is seen doing the air guitar really well and gets people to cheer for him. Jacques uses two speakers to hold his legs up. All three teams get the applause meter up into the green.)

Don: (The Ice Dancers arrive) Ice Dancers, you've come in fourth!

Jacques: Fourth again?! (He and Josee begin to cry)

Don: (voice) Some teams even take on bizarre ways to continue on.

(Fabian is seen rocking onstage while wearing a blindfold. The crowd loves it and they applaud him. The applause meter goes up and rings. Jordan cheers then guides her boyfriend over to the chill zone before he walks over the edge.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: When I knew he couldn’t look into the crowd and rock, I just turned to the most common solution, the blindfold.  
\---> Fabian: (his back is facing the camera) And it really worked! Am I facing the camera?

(May does some sort of weird routine we’re she’s pulling a charging cord through one nostril, out her mouth, into the other nostril and back out her mouth. Everyone behind stage is grossed out but Sam and the crowd love it. The applause meter goes off and rings and they head off to the chill zone.)

Don: Anime nerds, you're in sixth place! (Notices the cord) Now please take that thing out, it’s disturbing! 

May: A little help here? 

Sam: Sure thing babe. (Starts pulling out the cord gently)

(On stage Ryan tries again but is struggling)

Stephanie: It’s air guitar! Not air fly swatter!

Ryan: (angrily jumping up and down) STOP! TELLING ME! WHAT TO DO! (The crowd is loving it and they cheer him on. The applause meter goes off and rings. Stephanie looks happy)

Quince: (Is copying the routine he saw Dani do. The crowd is loving it and they cheer him on, June is also cheering him on. The applause meter goes off and rings.) Yes! I am the metal lizard king! (Runs to the chillzone)

June: (while running) Man you learn fast.

Quince: And that’s why I’m top of my class. 

(Annie and Yves are on stage dressed up like members of Babymetal while doing the air guitar. The crowd loves their routine and cheer both of them on. The applause meter goes off and rings. The models and the siblings run over to the Chill Zone.)

Annie: (To Yves) Good thinking man. But how do you know about this Babymetal band?

Yves: Aaryn’s a huge fan and told me all about them.

Aaryn: Good thing you listened.

Leo: Better thing that you’re a quick seamstress. Seriously you should win a Guinness world record for that.

Don: (voice) One-by-one, teams crowd surf their way to the Chill Zone. 

(The screen splits into six separate screens. Gabriella gives Nekota a celebratory headlock for his performance, Dwayne strokes Junior’s chin for a job well done but he looks embarrassed, Geoff/Brody cheer, Kitty snaps a selfie with Emma, Tom hugged Jen when she got the idea to lower her glasses over her eyes to look cool and Devin praises Carrie while she blushes. All of them are celebrating after they entertained the crowd and place.)

Don: (voice) And the race for last place comes down to three teams. (Three screens show the reality tv pros, the geniuses, and the goths.)

(Noah comes backstage from his latest failure)

Owen: Man how did we go from 1st to last? (Noah glares at him) Oh, yeah. Well on the plus side the goths aren’t anywhere to be seen. (Noah gasps and Owen and the Geniuses turn around to see The Goths in new make-up and those clothes from the store. Everyone is shocked and quaking.) Oh, there you guys are. You wouldn’t believe the super cute, preppy couple who said they were you.

Ennui: Step aside. (On stage a spotlight focuses on Ennui. He glances to one side as flames blast up, he glances to the other side as more flames pop up, and with just one single stroke flames on both sides pop up. The crowd goes berserk and everyone at the chill zone watches stunned, Tom actually faints from how cool it was, Kitty snapped a selfie even though she was still awestruck.)

Jen: When we can contact people again you have got to send me those picks.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: I’ve never felt closer to Crimson than I do right now.  
\---> Crimson: I’ll say. I can’t believe we almost gave up on each other. Looks don’t matter, it’s the blackness deep down inside that counts.  
\---> Ennui: Aw, that was beautiful.

Ennui: (approaching the chill zone): Well that went well.

Don: (sarcastically) Yeah, I’ll be having nightmares about it for weeks. Where’d you even get those costumes?

Ennui: We borrowed them, we impressed the owner with our knowledge of Icelandic post rock. We’re so cool. 

Crimson: (They walk over to the ice dancers and notice Josee looking at her lava rock.) Wow, is that a Hawaiian lava rock?

Jacques: Yes, what of it?

Ennui: Man, that’s hardcore, those things cast a shroud of darkness on all who plunder them.

Crimson: Can we have it?

Jacques: (angrily) Oh, nice going Josee! Your good luck charm has been cursing us this whole time!

Josee: Thanks for the tip, now how do we break the curse?

Ennui: Just toss it, anywhere in Hawaii.

(The ice dancers look at each other with uncertainty. Backstage the last two teams are wondering what to do)

Ellody: (downtrodden) I can’t believe it. I built my first robot by the time I was 8 but I can’t win over these stupid goths! (Yells)

Mary: Ellody! (Slaps her) Get it together! Who cares if you aren’t a great air guitar musician? I know what you’re capable of! You know what you’re capable of! Now I think it’s time to stop over thinking this whole thing and just feel it!

Ellody: (more confident) You’re right! I’ll just shut off my mind and let the music flow!

Owen: Noah, this may be our last chance. If we don't get it right this time we're definitely going home.

Noah: (frowns) But if Emma's watching I can't.

Owen: (shakes Noah) Snap out of it! (Noah looks shocked) Do you really think Emma wants to date a loser?

Noah: Maybe? (Owen slaps him) Oww!

Owen: Hell no! (Sighs) Being your friend and racing with you has been the best time ever. There's no one else I'd rather eat eyeballs with than you. But if we lose today it's over for us. We're done. What I'm trying to say is that I really think of you as my best friend and I don't want to see you lose Emma. Is that really what you want?

Noah: (scratches the back of his head) Gee, big guy. I don't know what to say.

Owen: You need to stop worrying about being Emma's hero and be my hero. (Tears up)

Noah: (tears up too) I love you buddy. (Attempts to go on the stage but then Don walks up)

Don: (walks up to the four) Here’s the dilemma. The crowd is starting to get bored of you guys failing and we're running out of time so I came up with a plan that can please the crowd and finish the episode on time. (The four teens look nervously at each other.)

(Don now stands in the center stage while Noah is to his left and Ellody is to his right.)

Don: (to the crowd) Ladies and Gentlemen! Here are our competitors! Ellody! (Motions to Ellody) And Noah! (motions to Noah) You will decide who keeps racing and who will have to go home. The team with the loudest applause at the end wins. Ready? (They nod) 

Ellody: Prepare to pack your bags Dev Patel!

Noah: You’re going down Penny Maryann Rostenkowski!

Don: ROCK ON! (Gets offstage while the music starts. Noah sees Emma waving to him from one side while Owen gives him a thumbs up from the other side. Noah smiles. He suddenly gains the courage and starts to rock on. He jumps around and smiles widely as he rocks on to the music. Ellody looks at Mary and just lets herself go and is playing fairly well and people begin to cheer for her too. Noah gets a bit nervous when the crowd isn't cheering as loudly for him. Ellody smiles feeling she can do this and continues to rock on. Noah gets down on his knees as fire is shot in the background. Ellody notices that the crowd is cheering more for Noah and begins to air guitar harder. The crowd is going crazy for both of them. Both Noah and Ellody smirk as they stare and play the guitar solo. Then jump and power slide past each other as the songs ends. Everyone cheers) Wow that was seriously more impressive than I anticipated. You two did not disappoint. (Noah and Ellody smile) Sadly, one of you will have to go based on your overall applause. (The two teams get nervous.) Cheer if you believe Ellody won. (The crowd cheers pretty loud) Cheer if you think Noah won. (The crowd cheers slightly louder for him. He listens closely) Well it was a tight battle but…… (Ellody and Noah look nervous) The Reality Tv Pros stay! (Everyone cheers. Noah and Owen cheer as they head for the Chill Zone.)

Emma: (to Kitty) Don't tell anyone but I think Noah just got me to like air guitar.

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: Awww. Good to have you back pal.  
\---> Noah: I know. I can't believe my feelings for Emma almost cost us the race. Whoa. I'm off her for good.  
\---> Owen: (shocked) Wait what?!  
\---> Noah: If she was into me she would have said something by now. It's time to move on.

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Maybe I've been taking Noah for granted. I didn't realize how much I liked him until he almost left. I'm going to change that.

Don: (to the Geniuses) Although you gave an epic performance, it just wasn't enough. I’m sorry but this is where you leave us, goodbye. (Ellody and Mary both seem sad but soon shrug it off and leave to find a cab. He stands in front of the camera) Another team is gone and the competition keeps getting stupider. Who will make it all the way? The only way to find out is to keep on watching THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

=== Best of Mary and Ellody === (A slideshow is seen on the screen of Mary and Ellody's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Mary and Ellody voiceover)

Mary: (voice) Well that was kind of anticlimactic.

Ellody: (voice) Isn’t it ironic that our downfall came from a challenge that required soul rather than thought?

Mary: (voice) That just proves how flawed this show is. On the brightside at least our downfall wasn’t because of an intellectual challenge. 

Ellody: (voice) Still we played our part and I actually had some fun.

Mary: (voice) Me too, I loved Venice and Paris and Brazil.

Ellody: (voice) I can’t believe how much fun I had rocking out here and swimming in Hawaii, maybe we shouldn’t put so much emphasis on studying and learn to have a little fun. Let loose.

Mary: (voice) Perhaps we should. Perhaps we should.

Ellody: (voice) I guess this only proves that geniuses don’t always finish first.

Mary: (voice) You’ve been waiting to use that joke haven’t you?

Ellody: Yes. (They both laugh geekily. Notices one of the many coffee shops in Oulu) Want some coffee?

Mary: Definitely. (They walk into a coffee shop)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved the original episode SO much so of course I was ecstatic to write this chapter. My favorite part definitely has to be the failing montage with the success montage being a close 2nd. With the rockers gone I knew someone had to wow the crowd so I thought, why not Dani? Yeah I planned long ago for Dani to be one of those former teen rebels who mellowed out once she became a parent. I would've like to keep the geniuses around a little while longer but I figured this would be the perfect challenge for them to go out on, but it's not all bad, they've learned to let loose and live it up a little. One problem I did have with keeping them around this long, it's hard to write for genius characters when you're only of moderate intelligence yourself. What will Jacques and Josee do now that they've realized they've been cursed? Will Emma and Noah ever reconcile? Find out next week!
> 
>  
> 
> Current Rankings:  
> Dani & Syd (1st Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (2nd Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (3rd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (4th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (5th Place)  
> Sam & May (6th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (7th Place)  
> June & Quince (8th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (9th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (10th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (12th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (13th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (14th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (15th Place)  
> Carrie & Devin (16th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (17th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (18th Place)
> 
> Final Placements:  
> Mary & Ellody (19th place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	14. My Way or Zimbabwe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Zimbabwe teams take the ultimate selfie and then try their luck on safari

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, teams went to Finland, got heated in sauna huts, cooled down in a river and then rocked out loud. The Surfers gave the Stepbrothers some advice, only time will tell if they take it. Dani shocked everyone, including her son, when she stepped up to the stage and won the challenge. Noah was able to rock out but he actually stopped liking Emma just when she started liking him. Ellody and Mary found the one test they couldn’t pass and were promptly expelled from the race. And the Goths retired, came back, and found the source of the ice dancer’s bad luck. Where are we going next and who's going to hate it? Find out today here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera with a glare) 

(Intro plays)

(Don stands in front of the Chill Zone in Downtown Oulu. Syd and Dani stand in front with everyone else behind them. There's a Don Box next to them.)

Don: Welcome back to Finland's Chill Zone. Yesterday's triumphant winners, Mother and son, will start us off today with the first tip. (Dani and Syd walk up to the Don Box.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: I’m still over the moon with what happened yesterday. Mom you were so incredible!  
\---> Dani: Thanks, it may have been a few decades but I’ve still got it. And now we can work together and keep on staying in this race.

Syd: (reads the tip) Take a taxi to Helsinki Airport and catch the next flight to Zimbabwe.

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of Zimbabwe) Located in Southwestern Africa, Zimbabwe has stunning flora, exotic fauna, and majestic scenery. (He's standing on a rock right before a massive waterfall) Once teams land they’ll have to drive here to Victoria Falls which is nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls. (Smirks) Here that North America? Your waterfalls are getting OWNED! 

(Back in Finland, the teams begin heading for the airport) 

Josee: Hurry!

Fabian: Come on!

Sam: Move it!

June: Quickly!

MacArthur: Hustle! 

Stephanie: Taxi! Taxi!

Ryan: Maybe I should do it.

Stephanie: NO! I got this.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: There isn’t much we agree on anymore…  
\---> Stephanie: I’ll agree with you on that.  
\---> Ryan: … but we both agreed that once we win that million and split it we’ll both get out of each other’s hair forever. 

Emma: (she sees Owen and Noah about to get in a taxi) Hi Noah! (The Reality TV Pros take off) Huh?

Kitty: (shrugs) They probably didn't hear us.

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: I feel kinda bad about not waiting up for Emma and Kitty.  
\---> Noah: Emma's not into me so why would we need to be nice? We'll still be in an alliance with them but my romantic feelings for Emma have just moved on.  
\---> Owen: (scratches the back of his head) I may have messed this up.

(The step brothers try to hail a taxi)

Chet: Taxi! (One stops and they get in)

Lorenzo: Nice job, I guess you aren’t as pathetic as I thought.

(Confessional)  
\---> Lorenzo: We talked with the Surfer Dudes yesterday and they told us to talk our problems out. We’ll try and take their advice but I’ll still hate Chet with all the ferocity of the burning sun.  
\---> Chet: Me too. Still you rocked out pretty well last challenge. Who would’ve guessed all your time spent on that punk rock band game wasn’t a total waste.  
\---> Lorenzo: Well, It’s not like you ever beat my high score anyway, second place. (Punches him playfully and Chet doesn’t punch back)

(All the teams get into taxis and head for Helsinki airport. They arrive at the airport and are seen getting their tickets.)

Don: (voice) All the teams have hit the Don Box and are at the airport waiting to get on the next flight. (Dani/Syd, Owen/Noah, Aaryn, Leo, June/Quince, Devin, Tom, Sam, Fabian, Emma, and MacArthur/Sanders are in line getting tickets for the flight to Zimbabwe.)

(In the girl’s bathroom Carrie, Kitty, Annie, Jen, Jordan, May and Yves are freshening up and talking)

Jen: You’ve really had a crush on Devin ever since you were 4? I think that’s so sweet. 

Carrie: I know, but what am I supposed to do? He’s already dating Shelly and if I say anything, the viewers will see me as some sort of boyfriend stealing witch or something. That’s not who I really am.

Kitty: Yeah, like what they did to Gwen. Eesh! Talk about harsh. Not to mention putting her on the villain’s team in all stars.

Jordan: Yeah, that was entirely uncalled for. But what really upset me the most about that season was Courtney, it was all going so well up until that part with the chart. Fabian and I are one of the few people who’ve stuck by her no matter what but even I’ll admit she can be a problematic fave sometimes. 

Yves: (to Carrie) Hey, you’ve loved him the longest. You deserve as much a chance with him as Shelly. 

Annie: Yeah, and although I don’t like to cast judgement without properly getting to know someone first but if what you and Devin have told me about Shelley is true, she’s probably not the best person for him anyway. 

Carrie: You really think so?

Annie: Totally, she sounds exactly like the type of girl who would cheat on her boyfriend with someone else if given the chance. 

Carrie: You all really think I should tell him?

May: Of course, letting the people you care the about the most know how you feel about them is one of the most important things in life.

Carrie: What about you and Fabian? You told me you’ve been best friends for years and you both have separate, yet related, date mates. How’d all that work out?

May: Well we did wonder if we should actually date. So we went on one and you know what happened? We found out that our relationship was perfectly fine at the platonic level. We didn’t need to date and marry to be happy together, in fact if we continue on our current plan we’ll be in-laws, but still we gave it a try and that’s what you need to do. You need to try.

Carrie: Wow, thanks everyone. You’ve all given me a lot to think about. 

Junior: (holds the ticket until Dwayne takes the ticket) Hey! I can hold the ticket.

Dwayne: (smiles) Sorry son, but holding onto the important documents is a dad's job. When you're a dad you can hold on to as many tickets as you want. (Rubs Junior's head)

Junior: Dad! I'm not a baby! 

Dwayne: You may not look like it anymore but you'll always be my little one. (Chuckles. Junior is majorly embarrassed. Notices he got a paper cut) Now let’s go get you and band aid and a lollipop.

Junior: Dad, it’s just a paper cut, I’m fine!

Dwayne: So fine a lollipop couldn’t help?

Dani: (noticing the Dwaynes) Wow, even I stopped treating you like that when you turned 11.

Syd: I guess Dwayne just doesn’t want to face the reality that his son’s already technically a teenager. Even you postponed my 13 birthday party for a month until you came to terms with the fact.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: It wasn’t really a party so much as a day on the town.  
\---> Syd: We just call it a party to make up for the fact that I didn’t really have friends back then. Hell this race is practically my prom. How I got a boyfriend as quick as I did is a miracle. 

(Jacques and Josee are seen arguing with the man at the check in counter)

Josee: What’s so hard for you to understand?!

Jacques: We want to be on the next flight to Hawaii but we only want to be there for like 10 minutes and then we need to fly to Zimbabwe!

Man: But it making no sense!

Josee: Fine we making no sense. (Glares at him) Now stuff the opinion and give us our tickets!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: I demand an apology.  
\---> Josee: What for? It’s not like I knew the lava rock was cursed when I took it. Otherwise I would’ve given it to some other team.  
\---> Jacques: (smirks) Apology accepted.

Kitty: (comes out of the bathroom and notices Owen all alone, she approaches him) Hey Owen.

Owen: Hey Kitty.

Kitty: I noticed that when we where all trying to make it the airport you and Noah saw us but didn't offer to help us. Is there something I should know?

Owen: Well.....After we barely avoided elimination last time Noah swore of his feelings for Emma cause he didn't think she was feeling the same way about them.

Kitty: (dramatic gasp)

Owen: Maybe I shouldn'tve said that?

Kitty: No, no Owen you did the right thing. I've got to tell Emma the truth. 

(All the teams except the Ice Dancers are seen boarding the same flight and flying down to Zimbabwe. Jacques and Josee head for Hawaii. Everyone else lands in Zimbabwe’s Harare International Airport. Outside, there are eighteen jeeps located for the teams.)

Don: (voice) With our Ice Dancers heading off to Hawaii, the rest of our teams all get on the same flight and have just arrived in Africa, they will have to take the jeeps to the don box located outside to Victoria Falls. (The best friends, surfers and Animaniacs run toward the jeeps)

Geoff: Hurry! 

Carrie: Quickly!

Fabian: There go, go, go!

(The teams begin to drive off. After twenty minutes, we see the teams still driving on the road to Victoria Falls) 

Annie: (reads the tip as Leo drives) Drive to Victoria Falls where the Zambezi River borders Zambia and Zimbabwe. (Smiles) Wow! I've always wanted to go to Africa. It’s the setting of the lion king, the most magical spectacle to ever grace the silver screen.

Leo: You know it’s just Disney’s singing/talking animal AU of Hamlet with another artificially crafted happy ending? 

Annie: Yeah, anyway if we take Mosi-oa-Tunya, we’re golden! Gun it! (Leo drives faster)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Annie’s really starting to take the game more seriously now.  
\---> Annie: Well, I just want to make it as far as possible because in all likelihood we aren’t going to see the world like this again.  
\---> Leo: True, true.  
\---> Annie: So, any way when do you think you’ll ask June to be your girlfriend? I mean you two already share so much in common.  
\---> Leo: We’re skipping this question.  
\---> Annie: Oh, come on. Relationships can only make things better.  
\---> Leo: Tell that to Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney. We’ve got to keep our heads focused on the prize, no distractions. 

(Down the road we see the jeep driven by the Julliard students. Quince navigates while June drives)

Quince: Just tell Leo you like him. I already told him you’re available for dating.

June: Well I want him to tell me that he likes me.

Quince: Why are you so in denial over your feelings over him? Is it because he’s not hot?

June: Are you kidding! He’s like a Greco-Roman statue brought to life, prime and ready to dance with like a Degas girl! (Sighs dreamily but then returns to reality) He’s a very fine individual.

Quince: Then it’s gotta be because he’s not funny.

June: He’s got a great sense of humor.

Quince: His personality?

June: Golden.

Leo: His teammate?

June: Oh please you know it’s impossible to hate Annie.

Quince: His clothes?

June: I’d wear that.

Quince: Then it’s you.

June: Fine! It’s me! So what if it is? (Gasps)

Quince: Now I got ya. Keep your eyes on the road. (June continues to drive.)

(Further down the road we see Devin driving while Carrie navigates.)

Carrie: I’ll navigate while you drive okay?

Devin: (imitating Tarzan) Me, Devin, you, Carrie. (Imitates the Tarzan yell)

Carrie: (giggling) so adorable.

Devin: What?

Carrie: Nothing! (She turns to notice the anime nerds and the animaniacs driving up next to them. May and Jordan drive while Sam and Fabian navigate.)

Sam: Dude you call that a yell? I’ll show you a yell! (Breathes in deeply then yells like Johnny Weissmuller, it’s so loud birds are startled out of the trees and antelope hop out of the grass. Everyone claps while Fabian is still a little shaken up.)

Jordan: (Taps him on the back) Dude relax, it’s nothing you haven’t heard before. (Fabian eases up)

Fabian: Oh sorry. (Smiles like an idiot) Man I’m so excited! Safari in Africa! When we win we’ve got to come back here!

Jordan: I’ll make sure of it.

(Further back down the road, Dwayne and Junior are driving their jeep.)

Dwayne: Wowzers, Africa! 

Junior: Yeah this is seriously cool! But I don't know why you can't let me drive. I drove the speedboat to Genoa.

Dwayne: Well, there's the fact you don't have a driver’s license but also you should be safe and sound wearing your seatbelt. So sit that keyster miester. (Junior glares)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: My dad still treats me like a kid but I'm practically an adult. (Shows part of his chest) Look at my chest hair!  
\---> Dwayne: What? Where? (Closely examines it)  
\---> Junior: (points) Right there! You know it's-it's blonde so you really can't see it in this light.  
\---> Dwayne: (raises an eyebrow) Uh huh....  
\---> Junior: (gets up and glares) It's there! Trust me! (Walks off-screen)  
\---> Dwayne: (smiles) Hehe, kids.  
\---> Junior: (off-screen) I AM NOT A KID!

Noah: (groans as he drives the jeep) See this is why I hate jeeps! They're noisy, too fast, and the engines are horrible. 

Kitty: (she and Emma drive next to Owen and Noah but don’t get their attention) Shame Owen told me that Noah gave up on you right as you wanted to make the next move.

Emma: Yeah! Is there any hope?!

Kitty: Maybe if you showed him how much you cared for him, he’d take you back.

Emma: (groans) Great. 

Kitty: (smiles) Relax Emma, it’s not like you have to do one of those ridiculous fairy tale quests which sound hard but are actually easy, and you made it harder by taking it too literally. 

Emma: (smiles) Yeah! Maybe you're right! I can fix us! (They continue to drive) 

(Back in the reality pros jeep)

Owen: You can’t just move on from Emma, you two are the most cynical people I’ve ever seen. You’re made for each other.

Noah: Hey if she liked me she would’ve said something already. We have to focus on the competition and block out Emma distraction.

Owen: You said Emma! You still haven’t moved on!

Noah: What? N-no I didn’t I’m totally over her.

Owen: Oh, sure you didn’t. We’ve got to tell them. (Noah guns it and Owen falls back a little) Ok, maybe later.

(Further down the road we see the cadets and the daters try to overturn each other)

MacArthur: Shouldn’t you two be making out? Got tired of all the (makes kissing noises).

Sanders: Okay, that’s really distracting, just sit there and navigate.

MacArthur: (stands up and smirks) Keep the car steady Sanders, MacArthur's gonna do what she does best.

Sanders: (raises an eyebrow) what are you doing?

MacArthur: (smiles) A little thing I like to call strategy.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: We studied human behavior back at the Academy so we know what makes a person react based on their personality and how much they can take before they lose it. So we’re going to push these two over the edge because they’re already close to the breaking point. Like really close, one more push and it’s off to crazy town.

Stephanie: (she’s the navigator while Ryan drives) JUST PASS THEM ALREADY! 

Ryan: I can’t help it if she keeps blocking me! What do you want me to do, run her off the road?!

Stephanie: Ugh! Just take that shortcut!

Ryan: What shortcut, there’s no road!

Stephanie: Just drive you chicken!

Ryan: Chicken’s don’t drive!

Stephane: I’m calling you a coward! Genius!

Ryan: Well I’m calling you crazy! (Their arguing causes them to drive off the road)

Sanders: (smiles) Wow, I'm impressed.

MacArthur: (smirks) I didn't get an A+ in Psychology for nothing. (They drive on)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: At least you finally took my advice you chicken. (Clucks like a chicken while Ryan just sits there and looks into the camera like he’s at The Office) 

(At Victoria Falls, Annie/Leo, June/Quince, Dani/Syd, and Aaryn/Yves arrive first and see the Don Box.)

June: (they all get off their jeeps) There's the Don Box!

Aaryn: (hears honking) Do you guys hear honking?

(Out from a bush, the daters come speeding in from the off-road experience.)

All: (Ryan/Stephanie, Aaryn/Yves, Dani/Syd, & Annie/Leo hold each other in fear. June hides behind Quince as a human shield.) AUGHHHHHH!!! (Ryan is able to stop the car as it’s just inches away from Quince)

Ryan: (sheepishly) Hey, how y’all doing? (Quince is so startled he falls to the ground. June props him back up)

Stephanie: Good, we’re in the top 5 teams. Let’s move it before anyone else gets here! (Runs over to the don box, presses the button and reads the tip) Looks like we're going on a Selfie Safari.

(Don is now in front of Victoria Falls with a jeep next to him)

Don: In this All-In challenge, teams must take the waterproof cameras in their glove compartment. (He's now on a river raft heading towards the drop of Victoria Falls) Once they have the camera, teams must take a raft and go over the falls and take an epic (his rafts falls over the Falls) SEFLIEEEEEE!!!! AUGHHHHHH!!!!! (Crashes in the water. Don takes two selfies of himself screaming as he falls. The third selfie is of him underwater in pain. His raft is now floating on the river below) Miss the shot and it's a painful climb back to the top to try again. (The raft stops at a National Park) They will ride their rafts till they reach Zambezi National Park in Zambia, home of the elusive White Rhino. Teams must then take a picture with the Rhino. (He now stands on the Chill Zone near a small village) Once they get the pictures, it's a foot race to today's Chill Zone where I'll inspect their photos. Last team here may be eliminated.

(More teams arrive at Victoria Falls, see it and gasps at the size of it. They’re all carrying their cameras and their rafts) 

Carrie: W-Whoa! That's a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be.

MacArthur: (points to Carrie) That’s literally what she said. WOOO!

Geoff: (laughs) Good one! (They high 5 but Macarthur’s so strong she smacks Geoff to the ground) 

MacArthur: Oops, sorry, don’t know my own strength sometimes. 

Brody: (Smiles) Wicked!

Junior: Cool!

Dwayne: (smiles) Don't worry Junior, we'll be fine. All we need are some crash test dummies that look exactly like us and can take selfies, good idea? (Everyone groans and walk off) Oh well. (Junior face palms)

Dani: You know I’ve always wanted to go over a waterfall but I just figured it would be like some sort of zip line or air gondola. Never like this.

Nekota: Yeah, this show doesn’t joke around. 

Don: (voice) While the teams tied for 1st place consider their options, the last place ice dancers are stuck between a lava rock and a faraway place. (The ice dancers plane is seen landing in Hawaii, they run to the wedding bay.)

Jacques: Ok, is this where you found it?

Josee: I think so, let’s just dump it. (Prepares to chuck it but Jacques stops her)

Jacques: Wait! You can’t just dump it. We need some sort of ceremony.

Josee: Fine.

(They build an altar out of rocks and do the hula until a nearby volcano emits a puff of smoke)

Josee: A sign! We’ve been forgiven! Let’s go!

Jacques: Oui! This game isn’t going to win itself! 

Josee: And it certainly won’t be that girl with the special needs boyfriend! 

Jacques: And I would be damned if I let myself be outranked by that full metal zombie, I’m the most dramatic blonde bisexual on this show! (They run back to the airport) 

(Back in Zimbabwe teams some teams are preparing to go over the falls) 

Aaryn: (holding Yves) It’s okay, just think of it like that roller coaster at Aqua World only without the safety bars. (Notices Syd) Hey you think you’ll be okay?

Syd: (holding onto his mom for dear life) Yeah, I think so! 

Dwayne: (he's seen in the raft next to them tightening a life jacket on Junior) Is this tight enough?

Junior: (in pain) It's fine! I'll do it myself! 

June: (Holding Quince who is still tense and holding the camera) Quince you need to take the selfie, okay? Nod if you understand. (Quince nods) Okay, well then here we go! (Their raft goes off the edge) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (Quince takes the photo. He’s still catatonic while June’s scared out of her mind trying to hold onto him.) 

Dwayne: (looks worried) Why don't I get a few more life jackets. Huh? (He starts putting multiple life jackets on Junior)

Junior: Dad! Stop! (His face gets covered)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (Junior is covered in life jackets) What? I just want him to be safe. Is that so wrong? (Junior tries to talk but it's muffled)

Dwayne/Junior: (their raft falls off the edge) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (Junior takes the selfie of them falling. They crash into the water below.) 

(Back at the top the sisters, the cadets, the gym rats, the fashion bloggers, surfers, and goths, back in their typical attire, are heading towards the water while Ryan just lays around and lets Stephanie do all the work.)

Stephanie: Get in the boat!

Ryan: (eating an apple) I will as soon as I’m done with my apple.

Stephanie: GET! IN! THE BOAT! (Holds up oar)

Ryan: You wouldn’t. (Knocks him into the water) Do you have no compassion!? (Goes over the falls) AAAAHHH!

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: I’m not sure if this comes through on screen but sometimes Ryan annoys me a little bit.  
\---> Ryan: In other shocking news, Fiona’s an ogre.

MacArthur: (to Stephanie) Nice swing sister. But how are you going to get that team selfie now? 

Stephanie: (Gasps dramatically then paddles out quickly and gets the camera ready) Ryan! Say cheese! (Her raft goes over the edge. Her selfie shows her smiling while Ryan is far down below)

MacArthur: Man, I love that team! No holds bar!

(More teams make it to the don box while others start rowing)

Don: (voice) As more teams face their fears, the ice dancers still face the very probable threat of elimination.

(An airplane is seen carrying Jacques and Josee to Africa. They storm into the pilot’s room)

Jacques: You need to fly this thing faster!

Pilot: Hey you’re not allowed to be in here!

Josee: (scoffs) Do you know who we are?

Pilot: Yeah, aren’t you those figure skaters who lost gold at the Olympics by just ½ a point?

Jacques: (they both glare) Just fly faster!

(Back in Africa more teams go over the falls)

(Gabriella and Nekota both cheer and smile for the camera as they go over) 

(Geoff and Brody take their photo and holler as they fall)

(Sanders screams as she falls from the raft and takes the photo while MacArthur winks, smiles and says “Go Blue!”) 

Kitty: (smiles while she and Emma are in a boat) A selfie challenge? I so have this in the bag.

Emma: (smiles) That’s what I like to hear!

Noah: (in the boat and is rowing) Well get in. 

Owen: Watch out! (He cannonballs into his team's raft sending Noah flying) Uh oh!

Emma: NOAH! (To Kitty) Start paddling! (Both start rowing like crazy to the edge) 

Noah: (flying) AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!! Take the picture! Take the picture!

Owen: (he goes over the edge at the same time Noah does and takes a selfie with Noah falling far down below him) Nailed it! (Emma and Kitty take their selfie next to them and scream. All four fall in the water.)

Aaryn: (holding the camera) You ready? 

Yves: As I’ll ever be. Now, Smize! (Their raft goes over and they both scream. Their selfie shows the two of them smiling while posing like it was no big deal, they actually look pretty great. They fall into the water)

Aaryn: (Pops up then looks at the camera) Looks great! (Shows it to Yves)

Yves: Yeah I think that one’s a keeper. (They both swim to get back in the raft)

(Lorenzo and Chet playfully fight for the camera, each managing to get at least one picture with them holding the camera and keeping it way from the other) 

(Dani takes the selfie while she and Syd both holler in fear) 

(Crimson and Ennui go over showing no emotions. They give a flat “wee” and “whatever”)

(Down below at Zambezi National Park, Dwayne is seen frantically paddling around in the river searching for his son. He bumps into the gym rats)

Dwayne: Have either of you two seen my son?

Gabriella: Can’t say that we have.

Nekota: Maybe he’s over there. (Accidentally points to a lion) Or somewhere safer.

Gabriella: Good fingering man.

Nekota: You would know. 

Dwayne: (Yelling desperately) JUNIOR!!!!! 

Don: (Voice) Most of the teams have made or are making their epic leap of faith over Victoria Falls.

(Carrie grips Devin’s arm as he takes the selfie and they both scream)

Jordan: (She’s holding the camera while Fabian holds onto her for dear life) Smile! WOO HOO! (Their raft goes over and she takes their picture, it shows her smiling and Fabian still holding the same terrified expression on his face) 

Leo: (holding Annie in his arms) Do you remember the plan?

Annie: Of course I do! (Leo throws her up in the air just as their raft goes over the falls. Their photo shows Annie happily smiling while Leo’s screaming a few feet further down below her.) Weee!

(May and Sam take multiple pictures as they fall. Composited together, they seem like the opening of an anime. When they splash down they both rise up and shake their hair and it all looks beautiful.) 

Jen: (Clinging to Tom) Remember on the sky walk when I asked you to promise to never let go?!

Tom: (fearfully) Yeah?!

Jen: Well I need you to do it again! (They scream their loudest as they go over while Tom uses one hand to take the picture while holding onto Jen with the other)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Ok, first we have to go on that skywalk!  
\---> Tom: Then we have to parachute out of a plane!  
\---> Jen: And now we have to take a picture while going over a waterfall?!  
\---> Tom: What is it with this show and challenges with heights?!

Dwayne: (climbing the waterfall) There’s no way that lion ate Junior. My son is fine. (To the camera) The family rule is if you get separated go back to the last place you saw each other. So I’m going to go back up the falls. He’ll be there I’m sure of it.

Junior: (is floating alone down the river in his raft and enjoying not being nagged by his father until he unknowingly bumps into the daters) Oh hey, I knew you were going to catch- Oh, hi.

Ryan: Hey kid, where’s your dad?

Junior: Oh, we got separated going over the falls and the family rule is if you get separated go to where you were supposed to go. Mind if I tag along?

Ryan: I don’t know if you want to get in this boat, Stephanie might hit you with an oar and push you off a cliff.

Stephanie: Oh blah, blah, blah your needs.

Junior: How did you two even manage to take a selfie? (Stephanie tosses the camera and sees their picture) Wow, pretty cool.

Stephanie: See, he thinks it’s cool.

Ryan: What does he know? He’s just a child.

Junior: Actually I’m a man, see (Pulls down shirt) Chest hair.

Stephanie: Well that already makes him more of a man than you.

Don (voice): While most of the other teams have already stated the safari challenge, the ice dancer’s plane has finally touched down and they race at this point just to not get last place. 

(The plane carrying the ice dancers lands in Zimbabwe. They get off in a hurry.)

Josee: Out of our way sky waitress! (They push over a stewardess) We’ve got a race to win!

(The gym rats, Cadets, and Models are getting their rafts out of the water.)

MacArthur: (She dances as Sanders is struggling to get the raft out of the water) Team PoPo in da hiz house!

Sanders: (glares) Can I get some help here?

MacArthur: Give me a sec! (She keeps on dancing)

(Junior pulls his raft up to shore while listening to the Daters complain)

Stephanie: We’ll I only boss you around because you have no leadership skills, guts, or common sense.

Junior: Well thanks for the help but I should-

Ryan: Oh please I’ve saved us from elimination more times than you have.

Junior: I should go-

Stephanie: Are you insane!?

Ryan: I must be, I was dating you! And then I broke up with you!

Junior: Maybe find my dad- 

Stephanie: Don’t remind me about that I blocked it out!

Junior: Well bye! (Leaves as they continue to bicker) Good luck, with everything. (To the camera) I don’t like to judge but those two probably shouldn’t have children.

Don: (voice) With almost all the teams searching for White Rhinos, the competition gets heated.

(A montage is shown of the teams trying to accomplish the challenge as Kingstown Jive, Kenyan highlife, Afrobeat, Rai and Juju music plays. June and Quince look around some bushes until some striped hyenas chase them away. Annie and Leo find a meerkat colony. The meerkats glare at them and prepare to attack until Annie smiles at them, calming them down and causing them to nuzzle up against the siblings. Dani and Syd hold each other as they stand on a rock in fear of a rock python. Owen/Noah get near a watering hole. Owen is so tired than he begins to drink from the watering hole. A crocodile rises from the water and glares at Owen. He and Noah scream and run away. Gabriella and Nekota are searching around some trees until something is thrown at Nekota’s head. They look up to see olive baboons laughing. Turns out it was a melon. They angrily argue with the baboons. Fabian is playing in the dirt with bat eared foxes and having the time of his life. When Jordan asks to leave she finds May and Sam are hanging out with a pack of African hunting dogs, she decides to join them. Tom and Jen take a moment to admire the African crowned crane’s beauty with a photo. A bunch of oxpeckers start combing through Yves and Aaryn’s hair but they don’t mind. Ryan and Stephanie come up to a watering hole and see a hippo yawn. Stephanie gets so scared she jumps into Ryan’s arms and they run away. She stares at him lovingly for a few moments but then remembers her hatred of him. Carrie is seen photographing a bunch of ostrich chicks and their father, then Devin turns her attention to show her the herd of Cape buffalo, zebra, wildebeests, eland, kudu, hartebeest, springbok, cattle egret, and Thompson’s gazelle and she photographs that too. Kitty takes selfies with a bunch of African animals like ibis, aardvark, aardwolf, warthog, crested porcupine and serval while Emma looks around. Chet and Lorenzo encounter a baby elephant and try to pet it, but its mother and grandmother come along and chase both of them away screaming. Junior takes some time to pet some springhares. Dwayne continues to search for his son. Crimson and Ennui are holding an umbrella over their heads to block out the sun while a bunch of vultures follow behind them. They both smile a little. Brody and Geoff look around until some giraffes start licking them. Brody and Geoff smile.)

(Twenty minutes later)

Sanders: (she and MacArthur clear a bush and see a rhino) There's a rhino!

MacArthur: (smiles) I got this. (Walks over to the rhino)

Sanders: (worried) You can't just walk up to it! It's a giant! It will kill you.

MacArthur: Relax, Sanders. I've owned tons of dogs. The trick with animals is to show them you're in charge. Observe.

Sanders: Rhinos aren't dogs!

MacArthur: (goes up to the rhino) Hey rhino! Sit! (Gives a thumbs up to Sanders)

Sanders: B-BEHIND YOU! 

MacArthur: Huh? (She turns to see the rhino glaring and snorts in her face) AUGHHHHHHHHH! (She and Sanders run in fear)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: That was so weird because usually with dogs that works so well.  
\---> Sanders: Rhinos are not dogs!

(Elsewhere June and Quince continue to search)

June: Good thing we lost those pesky hyenas. 

Quince: Yeah, what was their problem anyway? (They bump into the siblings) Oh hi Annie! Hi Leo!

Annie: Hi! Isn’t this place fun?

Leo: If you don’t regard everything trying to kill you then yes.

June: (Laughs but tries to stifle it) So have you found the rhino?

Annie: No, but we’ve meet so many other wonderful animals like vultures, hyenas, lions, cheetahs, painted wolves and not to mention those meerkats that nearly attacked us. 

June: You really do see the value in everything don’t you?

Annie: Of course, all life has meaning and value, even Jacques and Josee. (Weaver birds, starlings, bee eaters and hornbills perch on her like a saint) 

Quince: You’re just magical, like a fairy or something. 

Annie: You’re not the first person to say that but no one’s ever said it like that before. (They both stare at each other sheepishly)

Leo: (to June) So…. (Tries to say something but can’t) You…. Wanna search for the rhino together?

June: Yeah that sounds like a good idea. (They both try to act causal about it) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: God! What’s taking these two so long to spit it out?  
\---> Annie: It’s Leo, he believes love is a pointless game.  
\---> Quince: Nah, its June, she refuses to let emotions control her so she always goes by logic and I don’t think logic says she should date him.  
\---> Annie: Getting these two together will be hard.

(The fashion bloggers and the best friends are searching until they see a rustling bush)

Tom: Look. (Jen takes out her camera while Devin takes out his)

Carrie: On three. One, two, three! (Devin and Jen tackle the bush and soon hear a yelp. Tom and Carrie look in the bush to see their partners piled on Junior.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Had I known I would be tackled while urinating in a bush in Africa I would’ve held it in!

Carrie: Oh my goodness are you sure you’re okay?

Junior: Yeah I’m fine, I mean (deepens voice) I’m fine.

Tom: Hey where’s your father?

Junior: We got separated but no big deal.

Jen: You mean you’re out here all alone?

Junior: Yep and I feel great. (Looks down on the ground and sees rhino tracks) Hey rhino tacks.

Devin: Good eye young man.

Carrie: Oh, getting formal are we.

Junior: Yeah most men probably wouldn’t’ve noticed that but I’m not like most men.

Tom: Yeah you kind of need to be 18 to be a man. (They all follow the tracks) 

(Elsewhere Ryan is standing sheepishly next to a white rhino that’s grazing while Stephanie tries to take a picture)

Stephanie: Are you waiting for it to die of old age? Touch it!

Ryan: If you don’t like it show me how it’s done.

Stephanie: Fine! (Hands him the camera and poses with the rhino. It tries to leave but-) Stand still! (It stays and Ryan takes the picture a bit dumbfounded) See? Nothing to it but to do it. (They leave to the chill zone)

(MacArthur and Sanders are taking a photo in front of a rhino that is tired and panting)

MacArthur: (To the rhino) I guess 45 minutes of running was just too much for you! Boom!

Sanders: There’s the chill zone. (They run off)

Don: (voice) As the first of our teams head for the chill zone our last team heads to start the first challenge. (Josee is driving the jeep as Jacques navigates. Suddenly he sees something) 

Jacques: Stop! There’s someone on the road! (Josee brakes and we see that someone is Dwayne, covered in dirt and has taken off his shirt to use as a makeshift hat.)

Dwayne: Have you seen my son?

Josee: Nope, haven’t seen him, don’t really care. So (honks horn)

Dwayne: I’ve lost junior! My own flesh, blood and sperm, he’s gone! GONE!

Josee: Yeah, your wife is going to kill you. Now get out of the way!

Dwayne: I deserve it. I mean what’s the #1 rule about parenting?

Josee: Never let your child get in your way of an Olympic gold medal?

Dwayne: No, you never let your kid get eaten by a lion while going over a waterfall.

Jacques: That seems awfully specific.

Dwayne: Well who cares about some dumb medal? I’ve heard those things are only worth like 5 dollars anyway. (They both gasp)

Josee: (angrily) Now can I run him over?!

Jacques: (just as angry) Yes! (Josee slams on the gas and Dwayne jumps out of the way, he continues to look for Junior) 

(Back in the park, Dani and Syd continue to look for a rhino)

Dani: Thank god that was only a python and not a spitting cobra.

Syd: Yeah, but with our luck we’ll probably run into a cape buffalo. (Notices Aaryn and Yves) Hey! (Aaryn and Yves run towards them) You guys seen a rhino? (Notices the oxpeckers) Or noticed the birds in your hair?

Aaryn: Oh these, they’re just searching for ticks. (One bird plucks some hair from his head) Or nesting material. And no we haven’t. You guys?

Dani: No but why don’t we all work together like an alliance should. 

Yves/Aaryn/Syd: Ok. (They start walking till Yves notices something in the bushes)

Yves: Hey what’s that? (A ratel pops out and snarls at them all) A skunk?

Syd: That is a honey badger, also known as the ratel. It is highly territorial and vicious, and I think it just noticed us. Run! (They all run screaming until they run into a zorilla)

Aaryn: Is that a skunk?

Syd: Actually it’s a zorilla, a type of weasel, and it smells even worse! (They run off elsewhere and run into the gym rats, scratched up but none the less worse for wear) 

Aaryn: What happened to you two?

Nekota: We got in a turf war with a troop of baboons, we beat them though.

Gabriella: Still they put up a good fight. Have any of you found the rhino?

Yves: No and now we’re being chased by an angry badger and a smelly weasel! (The two mustelids approach all six of them snarling. Gabriella growls at them, they get so scared they leave whimpering like puppies.)

Syd: Hey why don’t you two come with us? We could seriously use the extra protection.

Gabriella: Good idea, come on! (All six of them leave)

(Elsewhere we see Chet and Lorenzo looking for a rhino)

Chet: Man those elephants were hostile but at least we escaped them.

Lorenzo: Yeah if anything happened to you I don’t know what I’d tell mom.

Chet: Mom? Not “your mom”?

Lorenzo: Well she’s kind of my mom now and I’d hate to see her heartbroken.

Chet: I guess what the surfer dudes said was right, we may have forced into each other’s lives but we can choose to make the best of it. Wanna just sit and talk?

Lorenzo: Sure. (They sit down and start to talk) 

(Meanwhile the cadets are still running to the chill zone)

Sanders: There it is! 

(The surfers take a selfie with a rhino, the flash blinds it and they leave)

(Elsewhere the animaniacs and the anime nerds are still looking around for a rhino)

Fabian: Man has this day been great or what?! I mean (takes out the camera to show various photos) impala, zebra, wildebeest, Cape buffalo, painted wolves, aardwolves, bat eared foxes, griffon vultures, Egyptian vultures, ruppel’s vultures, lappet faced vultures, Masai and reticulated giraffes, elephants, springbok, kudu, waterbuck, sable antelope, rock hyrax, ground hornbill, secretary bird, klipspringer, marabou stork, serval, warthog, hyena, ratel and honeyguide, AND African crowned crane! 

Jordan: Well this day’s been just fine for me but it will only be great once we finally find that rhino and get to the chill zone.

May: That reminds me, what’s our plan of attack is when we find it? I mean those things can overturn a truck. 

Fabian: Simple, we just have to stay out of its tiny field of vison 30 meters away and not make any noise as we approach it.

Sam: I don’t think that makes things any easier for us. (They run into the best friends, the fashion bloggers, and Junior) Oh hey everyone.

Jen: Hey, hey, hey. Still searching for the rhino? Follow us we’re on a trail.

May: Sweet. (They all walk off till the find the dazed rhino the surfers used) Found it! Okay everyone who wants to be in the selfie, POSE! (Sam, Fabian, Carrie, Jen and Junior approach and pose. Sam and Jen pose professionally, Carrie and Fabian pose casually and Junior kisses the side of the rhino’s head. Their respective partners all take their photos, May also takes Junior’s photo, and they all head off to the chill zone.)

Junior: (to Tom) You know when I kissed the rhino I just pretended it was Carrie.

Tom: Yeah that’s not weird at all. 

Jen: (to Sam) You pose like you’ve done this before. 

Sam: Actually I did work for Calvin Kline for a while but it wasn’t really my speed. But now I’ve got a more lucrative, better paying, and more fun job.

Jen: Oh do tell.

Sam: I’d really rather not discuss it in front of a 13 year old. (Points to Junior)

Jen: Well how about when we’re alone?

Sam: Okay. 

(Further a head the cadets see the chill zone within their sights but also see the surfers catching up with them. They run as fast as they can to outrun them and make it there first. Both teams collide onto the carpet of completion and hand Don their cameras)

Don: Photos check out, first place to the cadets, second place to the surfers! (All four of them cheer as Don looks closer at the pictures) Geoff one question. How do you keep your hat on while going over the world’s highest falls? (Geoff and Brody grin)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: (Holding a bottle of glue) White stallion glue, will hold, mold, and won’t cost you gold. You have the solvent right? (Brody nods in approval)

Don: MacArthur and Sanders for coming in first place this leg you both win a guided safari tour of Krueger national park in South Africa. (The cadets cheer) And here come some more teams. (Devin/Carrie arrive) 3rd! (Tom/Jen arrive) 4th! (Fabian/Jordan arrive) 5th! (May/Sam arrive) 6th! (Stops Junior) I’m sorry Junior but you must wait until your father comes until your team has officially made it to the chill zone. 

Junior: My dad’s still not here? (Worried) Oh no. 

Jordan: Don’t worry I’m sure your father will make it, have faith. 

Jen: Well we’re alone. So what’s your new gig? (Sam takes out a photo of him in black underwear posing seductively against a bunch of pillows. Jen looks a little weirded out) Ughh…?

Sam: (coyly) Yeah, I’m a fetish model now. 

Jen: And May doesn’t mind? 

Sam: No and neither does my family either.

Jen: You lucked out in both the girlfriend and family lottery man. 

(Elsewhere we see the stepbrothers still talking)

Lorenzo: Dude what Dick should have done is gathered all the stalkers into the courtyard of that prison and then unleashed that gas bomb they had reserved, that could’ve killed all of them just like that! (Snaps fingers)

Chet: Well if Caroline just left her boyfriend behind rather than go back and save him they wouldn’t have been cornered in that prison in the first place, seriously she should’ve just dumped him and left him to the stalkers long ago.

Lorenzo: That’s what I’ve been saying! 

Chet: Nice to see we like making up new ways to kill the zombies in The Stalking Dead.

Lorenzo: And we agree on which relationships are crap. (They laugh) You know what, this has probably been the most fun I’ve ever had with you, ever.

Chet: Me too man, guess the surfers where right. If we just talked it out we’d be friendlier.

Lorenzo: (looks around) Why don’t we search for that rhino now?

Chet: Thanks for reminding me, we were having so much fun I almost forgot about the challenge. (They get up and go back to searching) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Chet: Who would’ve guessed we shared so many things in common?  
\---> Lorenzo: Yeah turns out we like a lot the same video games, songs, movies, and we don't have a lot of friends! It's awesome!  
\---> Chet: (smiles) I know! (Chet and Lorenzo high five)

(Elsewhere, Owen, Noah, Emma, and Kitty have found a rhino. Owen takes a photo of Noah in front of a rhino) 

Emma: Are you guys done?

Noah: Yeah, it’s your turn now. 

Kitty: WAIT! (They look at her.) First, let me take a few selfies! (She grabs her phone and K pop music plays as she takes many selfies. She takes one of her and the rhino. She takes one of her and Emma who looks confused. She takes one of her and Owen who smiles. She takes one of her and Noah who looks so done right now. She takes one with a lion pride that doesn’t attack her. She takes one with a leopard in a tree and one with a bunch of vultures over a wildebeest’s carcass. She takes one with a baby giraffe. She takes one with the elephant family the step brothers encountered. She takes one with the hunting dogs May, Jordan, and Sam encountered. She takes one with the ratel and zorilla that Gabriella scared off. She takes one with the baboons the gym rats fought) 

Noah: (completely over it) You done?

Kitty: (laughs) Yeah, I'm good. (Gasps loudly) RHINO!

Owen: (he turns to see a rhino glaring at him) Oh, hi there. (Nervously laughs) RUN! (He and Noah run in fear from the rhino)

Emma: NOAH! (She and Kitty run after them.)

Owen: (he and Noah run from the rhino) This seems awfully familiar somehow.

Noah: We need to split up. At least that way one of us will be safe. (Noah smiles and shakes Owen's hand) It's been an honor serving with you.

Owen: (salutes) Sir yes sir! (He and Noah look back) One...

Noah: Two...

Owen/Noah: THREE! (They run off in separate directions. The rhino follows Noah.)

Noah: (looks back and groans) You have got to be FREAKING KIDDING ME!

Owen: (laughs nervously) Hehe, uh oh.... (Runs after him)

Noah: (He keeps running until he trips on a rock and falls on the ground. The rhino is gaining on him. Noah turns to the camera.) Well, this looks like the end of me. Mom and Dad just to let you know I’ve always loved you even if I don’t always show it and to the rest of my brothers and sisters feel free to fight over my room when I’m gone. And Heather if you’re watching this, with my last words I curse you, you insipid heartless bitch! (Shrugs) To be honest, I figured I would die on tv but I thought for sure Chris would be the one responsible for it, the rhino is unexpected. (He closes his eyes and waits for the rhino to hit him. Out of nowhere, Emma jumps in and saves Noah. She ends up on top of him while the rhino runs on.)

Noah: (his eyes are still shut from fear while Emma is on top of him) Am I dead?

Emma: (laughs) Not quite.

Noah: (he opens his eyes to see Emma) Emma? You saved me? 

Emma: (smiles) Of course I saved you. You mean a lot to me.

Noah: (smiles) You mean a lot to me too. (They smile at each other. Their love for each other has returned. Owen and Kitty arrive at the scene.)

Owen: As cute as that is, what do we do now?!

Kitty: (gets an idea) I know! (Runs behind an acacia tree) Hey over here you ugly ass unicorn with the fingernail horn! (The rhino gets angry and charges at her, though nervous she stands her ground and the rhino is unable to break through the tree. Instead it is a little dazed and then the tree falls on it. Noah and Emma get out of the way in time and the rhino is knocked dazed and confused.) Let’s go! (They all run off to the chill zone)

Emma: (To Kitty) That was equal parts smart, stupid and risky. Good plan.

Kitty: Thanks. Now let’s make it to the chillzone! (They all run off) 

(The gym rats, mother/son, & models, along with the siblings and the Julliard students see the dazed rhino and take advantage. Syd, Yves, Annie, Nekota, and June pose while their respective partners take their pictures.) 

(Back at the chill zone the Daters arrive)

Don: You take 7th place. (They hug each other in approval and look lovingly into each other’s eyes for a few moments until they remember their hatred and stare away)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Call me crazy but the hating is really working for us so I’m going to keep it going.  
\---> Ryan: Yeah, I’m still gonna hate her, no matter how hot she is.  
\---> Stephanie: Me too. Who cares for sculpted arms and rock hard abs? I hate him like I hate post rock music!

Don: More teams are coming! (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 8th! (Owen/Noah arrive) 9th! (Kitty/Emma arrive) 10th! (Dani/Syd arrive) 11th! (Aaryn/Yves arrive) 12th! (Leo/Annie arrive) 13th! (June/Quince arrive) 14th! (To the models) And these are seriously good! (Shows both of their photos to the camera) 

Yves: Thanks! I guess I should thank Kristie for providing me with the experience of rhino posing.

Aaryn: Yeah, now I almost feel sorry for what I did to her turkey burger.

Tom: Can we have those pics? 

Aaryn: Sure man. (Tom squees)

(Elsewhere Dwayne continues to search for Junior)

Dwayne: (aimlessly) Junior! (His call alerts a rhino which chases him)

Don: (voice) 15th! (The goths selfie shows them, a bunch of vultures and a rhino staring blankly into the camera) 16th! (The step brothers selfie shows them being chased by a rhino) Only two teams are left and only one spot remains! (Looks at a nervous Junior) Well, 1.5

Junior: Come on dad don’t disappoint me!

(Dwayne searches the waterfall again. Up above, the ice dancers prepare to go over the falls)

Josee: Here it comes, hold it! (They fall. She takes the selfie of her and Jacques struggling to keep their graceful ice skating pose. They fall in the water. The ice dancers are now seen looking for a rhino while another one chases Dwayne. The ice dancers find their rhino and take the selfie with Josee posing on top of it like it’s nothing.) There! The chill zone! We’re going to make it! (She and Jacques run. They hear Dwayne screaming behind them and run faster. Dwayne is clinging to the rhino’s horn)

Jacques: Oh, no! We didn’t fly all the way to Hawaii for nothing! RUN!

Junior: (sees the ice dancers coming) Well I guess dad and I are done for. I guess I should’ve paid more attention to what he said.

Carrie: Maybe not, look! (The rhino with Dwayne on its horn is chasing the ice dancers)

Junior: DAD! 

(The rhino runs, eventually knocking Jacques and Josee out of its path.)]

Jacques: I... hate... Rhinos!

(The rhino hears this and comes to a screeching halt. Dwayne flies off the horn and lands face first on the chill zone as the rhino chases the ice dancers)

Junior: Dad are you ok?

Dwayne: Junior! (Hugs him) You don’t know how happy I am to see you! Unfortunately I didn’t take any pictures. I just had to find you!

Don: Actually Junior already completed the 2nd half of the challenge. (Holds up their camera) So you two take 17th place! (They cheer)

(The rhino still chases the ice dancers) 

Jacques/Josee: We love rhinos!

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (hugging Junior so tightly he start to suffocate) I’m so proud of you! Now let’s make sure your mom never sees this episode!  
\---> Junior: (struggling to breath) Yeah. Sure. Dad… that’s enough!

(Jacques and Josee finally arrive at the chill zone all beaten up and give their camera to Don)

Jacques: (to the rhino) And stay down!

Don: Ice dancers-

Josee: (starting to cry) We know, 18th, Last place, eliminated!

Jacques: (choking up) We just want our fans and our country to know that we tried our very best, and we wish-

Don: Well good news for you is that this is a non-elimination round!

Jacques/Josee: (hug each other while jumping up and down and crying) Yes! We’re still alive!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Our luck HAS changed! We’re still in the game and we’re back and better than ever!  
\---> Jacques: Now nothing’s going to stop us!  
\---> Josee: The rest of those teams are  
\---> Josee/Jacques: GOING DOWN! (They laugh maniacally)

(They continue to laugh while Don watches awkwardly)

Don: Well that’s all kinds of creepy. Will they creep their way back to the top? What drama will unfold next episode? Find out next time on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There comes a lion, oh yes it's a lion. There comes a lion, oh yes it's a lion" 
> 
> I've said this before a couple of times but I mean it when I say I LOVE this episode! Iv'e always wanted to go on safari in Africa! Hell I think I got carried away with writing this but can you blame there's so much I had to cover with the ice dancers, father/son, reality tv pros/sisters, step brothers and some of my own oc's had their own individual stories. Emma and Noah have their relationship back on track, I did that because in canon I thought it was weird how after an episode of no interaction Noah's suddenly back into her but Emma had to prove her love is real this time around. Jacques and Josee have gotten rid of their bad luck and they're still in the game, next episode is their start of darkness, it's also my next fanon episode. Favorite part this episode: the searching the safari park montage. 
> 
> Current Rankings:  
> MacArthur & Sanders (1st Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (2nd Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (3rd Place)  
> Tom & Jen (4th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (5th Place)  
> Sam & May (6th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (7th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (8th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (9th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (10th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (11th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (12th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (13th Place)  
> June & Quince (14th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (15th Place)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (16th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (17th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (18th Place)
> 
> Final Placements:  
> Mary & Ellody (19th place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	15. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Madrid World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Spain teams tango with bulls and then participate in the ultimate food fight.

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams took a drop from Victoria Falls and then went on a photo Safari for rhinos. Leo and June have only just started to admit they’ve got feelings for each other, we learned why wild things stay out in the wild, Emma and Noah fell back in love, and Fabian had fun with a fox, weirdo. The police cadets took first place. Dwayne got separated from his son but thankfully they were reunited. After a quick detour to get rid of their bad luck, the Ice dancers thought they’d been eliminated but luckily for them it was a non-elimination round and they live to skate another day. It’s anyone's game. Who's game exactly? Find out today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(The Chill Zone from last episode is seen on the screen. Don stands in front next to the Don Box. The contestants wait in line for the Don Box in the order they arrived last challenge starting with MacArthur and Sanders.)

Don: We return to Zambezi National Park where our first place team will grab the first tip. (Sanders and MacArthur runs up to the Don Box. They look determined.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: I hope the camera crew is in good shape cause from here on in we’re double timing it.  
\---> MacArthur: Time to warm up the glutes!

Sanders: (reads tip) Ooh, we’re going to Madrid, Spain.

MacArthur: Andale! (They run)

Don: (he is seen in a slideshow of the many parts of Spain) In the heart of Spain lies Madrid, one of the oldest cities in Europe, famous for its tasty food (a big platter of seafood paella is shown), flamenco dancing (a couple is seen flamenco dancing), and extravagant bullfights! (A matador is seen fighting a bull.) Teams will all travel here on the same flight from Harare International. ( We return to Zimbabwe and see the all the teams grabbing their tips) More and more teams grab their tips and get on the bus for the airport but they cannot leave until the last team arrives.

Emma: (waiting next to Kitty) Why haven't we left yet?

May: The tip said we can't leave until every team is on the bus.

Carrie: Who's left?

Aaryn: (looks around) I don’t think the Ice Dancers are on yet.

MacArthur: (gasps loudly) Driver! Step on it quickly! We can leave them behind and hopefully a lion eats them. (Everyone stares at her) What? Too harsh?

Sanders: (nods) Yep.

(The Ice Dancers enter the bus wearing black uniforms instead of their usual pink ones. They wear black shades as they smile and wave to everyone. Everyone stares at them.)

June: What the hell are you wearing?

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: The purple and pink was too friendly. The black screams get out of our way!  
\---> Jacques: And wash us with similar colors.

(The bus arrives at Harare International Airport. The bus stops and all the teams get off it. All the teams are seen on the same flight from Zimbabwe to Madrid. Everyone on the flight is sleeping.)

Don: (voice) I hope everyone gets a good rest because it’s a 14 hour flight. (Jacques and Josee are the only ones not sleeping. They look around at all the teams.)

Josee: It’s time to pull out all the stops, it’s time we start to sabotage. But whom is the question? (Sees the step brothers) Perfect!

Jacques: Are you sure? I’ve heard they’re getting along much better now.

Josee: It’s only recent. It should be easy to drive them apart and back to their old ways. Now sleep! (She falls asleep and Jacques follows suit)

(We now cut to the flight landing in Madrid's airport. There are many buildings surrounding the area. Everyone gets off the flight and looks for the don box outside the airport)

Yves: (reading the tip) Make your way to Las Ventas Arena and find the next don box. Taxi!

(Everyone calls out for taxis)

Ryan: Taxi!

Devin: Taxi!

Tom: Taxi! (All the teams get in taxis and race to Las Ventas)

Quince: (he and June are in a taxi) Any idea what we’ll do at Las Ventas?

June: Nope, but knowing Spain I imagine it’s going to have something involving bull fighting.

Quince: Look I now you’re against bull fighting but I really don’t think they’re going to have us kill the bulls I mean this isn’t FOX, and don’t try to cop your way out of this, we work together as a team.

June: Fine, I’ll do it but I’m gonna complain and be loud about it.

Quince: I wouldn’t expect anything less of you.

(Las Ventas is a big colosseum in Madrid. The taxis arrive and the teams see the Don Box. Dani reaches it first and receives the tip.) It's an all-in, bull wrangling?! (Everyone looks nervous)

Don: (he's inside Las Ventas in the middle in the arena, bulls are everywhere) That's right. Our teams will have to work together to place this saddle (Holds up a saddle) on one of the 25 bulls throughout the arena. Though contrary to what you might expect these bulls are total sheep. Check this out. (Walks up to a bull) BOO! (Bull runs away afraid) Ha ha, hilarious. Once you’ve got your bull, you'll meet this local and receive your next tip. (A local matador walks up next to Don holding a tip in hand)

(The teams are now inside the stadium. They see many bulls running in the centerfield.)

Jordan: Okay then.

MacArthur: Well here goes nothing! You’re all mine! Freeze! (Runs off to put a saddle on a bull but they all run away scared. She runs but can’t catch any of them.) I said freeze! What the hell are these bulls or chickens? (Goes after a bull)

Sanders: Wait for me! (Runs off to find her partner while everyone else goes off in different directions to find a bull.)

(What we see next is a montage of teams trying and failing to put their saddles on a bull. The reality pros try but their bull jumps up into the stands. The sisters find a bull but it digs into the ground to escape them while they look on stupefied. Gabriella has finally cornered a bull and with a look of spite on her face she prepares to saddle it but it bursts through the wall leaving an impact silhouette and runs off, Gabriella looks angry as hell as Nekota tries to calm her down.)

Don (voice): As we send out a search party for some bulls. Every team struggles to complete the first challenge. On the upside, this is hilarious. (Laughs)

Quince: (he and June are running) You’ve got to admit at least we’re not killing them.

June: Yeah, but now I wish they’d run towards us. (Sees the siblings with a bull) Hey what are they doing?

Annie: (talking to her bull) That’s ok Ferdinand come here, there’s nothing for you to be afraid of. I’m your friend, like I am to all animals. (As she’s talking Leo prepares to put the saddle on his back but the moment it touches him he bolts) Aww, we were so close.

Leo: Let’s try again, I’ll be more careful this time. (They run off but are then stopped by the Julliard students) Oh hi there.

June: Hey. Some challenge right?

Annie: Well it could be worse, we could be killing the poor things.

June: Wanna work together? 

Annie: Sure. (They all run off)

Jordan: (To May) So did you plan on skittish bulls?

May: About as much as I planned on tmnt: out of the shadows.

Fabian: This is pointless! We need a new strategy! 

Sam: (thinks) I think I’ve got it. (Runs off)

Chet: Man this is hard, what do we do?

Lorenzo: Let’s do what that old quote says, and just take the bulls by the horn.

Chet: That makes sense. Let's do it! (They run and grab one bull literally by its horns) Ha! Gotcha! (In a panic the bull shakes its head violently and tosses them to the side)

Lorenzo/Chet: AUGHHHHH! (They crash)

(Confessional)  
\---> Chet: (He and Lorenzo are all bruised up) Maybe grabbing the bull by the horns wasn't a good strategy.  
\---> Lorenzo: Probably....

Josee: (she and Jacques help the step brothers up and put their arms around them) You poor things, would you like our help?

Chet: Really?

Jacques: Of course! What are friends for?

Lorenzo: You’ve never talked to us and we’ve never talked to you guys in this entire competition before.

Jacques: (smiles) Well let’s work together and get those bulls saddled, we’ll split into groups, I will take Chet, Josee you go with Lorenzo.

Josee: Capital idea. (Takes Lorenzo) Bye.

Jacques: (Leaving with Chet) Bye. (They wave at each other which turn into scheming grins)

Chet: Gotta say it was really nice of you guys to help us. Didn't know you were so nice.

Jacques: Well, I’m certainly no saint but I know I’m nicer than Lorenzo.

Chet: (raises an eyebrow) What are you talking about?

Jacques: Well, I overheard that Lorenzo thinks you're weighing him down and that he secretly hopes your team gets eliminated so he can go back to ignoring you.

Chet: W-what?! That can't be. We’re getting along a lot better now and we have so much in common.

Jacques: I guess he was just playing you, sorry. (Chet gets angry while he smirks)

Lorenzo: (with Josee) So, how's the Race going for you guys?

Josee: Well I thought we lost last time due to a stupid lava rock, but thankfully we’re still in. But enough about me let’s talk about you.

Lorenzo: What do you mean?

Josee: Well, I heard that Chet thinks you're completely useless and that he doesn't believe you can win at anything.

Lorenzo: Really?! But I thought we were starting to get along...

Josee: Wake up and smell the rose water genius. You’ve only known this guy for what a year and a half? Are you going to be called useless by some stranger? (Lorenzo gets angry.) That’s what I thought. (Smirks)

Lorenzo: (He and Chet get up in each other's faces) I knew it! Once a jerk, always a jerk!

Chet: (glares) At least I'm not an ignoramus!

Josee: Looks like our work here is done. (She and Jacques laugh as they run off)

Lorenzo: I'll show you who's useless here!

Chet: Oh yeah?!

Lorenzo: Yeah!

Chet: Bring it on! (They start tackling each other and fighting, again)

Don: (voice) As our stepbrothers go back to their normal ways, the bulls continue to slip out of our team’s grasps. 

Stephanie: Why are these bulls so jumpy?

Ryan: Maybe they’ve picked up on your alpha bull tendencies and are responding naturally. (Laughs)

Stephanie: You’ll pay for that as soon I can saddle one of these damn things!

Fabian: Where’d Sam go?

Jordan: He better not have walked out on us.

May: Have a little faith he’s your brother. (Sam comes back to them dressed as a vaquero) Ok what’s your plan, because I’m stumped? 

Sam: This is where that month I spent at a dude ranch when I was 11 comes in handy. (Presents lasso) I’m gonna rope a bull.

Fabian/Jordan: Seriously? 

Sam: Seriously. (Eyes one bull then throws the lasso and it gets around a bulls horn) Yes! (Distressed the bull starts running and drags him. Everyone else tries to intervene) NO! Don’t help! I’ve got this!

May: Well okay man, if you think so. (To Jordan/Fabian) Let’s try and get another bull in the meantime. 

Fabian: Ditto. (They run off)

(Elsewhere the fashion bloggers and the best friends attempt to saddle two bulls but are unsuccessful)

Devin: This challenge is a lot tougher than I thought.

Jen: On the plus side all this running is really keeping me in shape.

Tom: Ok we need to think, obviously just chasing after these things is going to work. What can we do?

Carrie: I heard somewhere that cattle are attracted to Simon and Garfunkel songs.

Jen: Great, now can anyone sing good acapella? (No one raises their hand) Play an instrument? (Once again no one raises their hand) Great.

Quince: (over hears this) hmmm. 

June: (gets his attention) Hey focus man. We need to get these things hitched up.

Quince: (gets an idea) Don’t worry I’ve got an idea. (Runs into the stands) 

June: Don’t chicken out man!

(Mother/son and the models chase two bulls until Yves and Syd collide)

Syd/Yves: Ow.

(As the goths walk all the bulls are detracted from them like electrons from a magnet)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: Most animals run away from us, except the cute lame ones.  
\---> Ennui: I don’t know why, I think we’re good decent people.

(Junior attempts to put the saddle on a bull but Dwayne pulls him back)

Dwayne: I’m sorry but after what, we promised never to talk about again, happened last time I’m not letting my eyes off you until this race is over.

Junior: Dad, come on we’ve got to put this saddle on one of these cowardly cows, you can’t stop me from doing the challenge. 

Dwayne: No but I sure can monitor you. (Puts handcuffs on his and Junior’s wrists) And now you can’t leave my side. 

Junior: What the-? First off how’d you get your hands on these things?

Dwayne: I borrowed them from that Fabian kid. 

(Junior marches over to Fabian dragging his dad along behind. He approaches Fabian)

Junior: Dude, key now!

Fabian: I’m sorry but the key is with May. (Camera pans over to see May struggling to put a saddle on a bull that’s running every which way) And I think she’s busy.

Junior: Ugh! Why do you even have these things in the first place?

Fabian: I used them to correct my walk and not run ahead of my friends. And they prevent me from stimming at private social events.

Junior: (to Jordan) You’re seriously dating this guy?

Jordan: Well he really tries his hardest to be a better person, and unlike my last 3 boyfriends he didn’t put me in jail. (To the camera) Yeah that’s right I still remember guys! (Back to Junior) Listen man, sometimes love means making compromises and accepting that knights in armor and princes with charms are just a myth and fantasy. What Fabian and I have is a special relationship, we’re both aware of our faults and either look past them or make up for them. Sure he’s forgetful, a procrastinator, shows no sympathy to his birth family, is kind of selfish and entitled, lazy, and has almost no backbone without someone to back him up but he always makes my birthday and our anniversary something special and once you become his friend he’ll treat you like you’re the most important person in the world. Meanwhile he acknowledges and ignores that I’m religiously devoted to Tolkien, Martin, Rowling and Rodenberry, a misanthrope and once took advantage of a homeless shelter’s free services.

Junior: Yeah that’s a match made in heaven. Can we just have the key?

Fabian: Sure, when May’s done. (Looks over) Which looks like it’ll be a while. In the meanwhile you should really take this time to bond with your father as you do the challenge.

Dwayne: See he thinks family bonding is cool.

Junior: What does he know? He hasn’t known you all his life like I have.

Fabian: I think your father’s cool. (Dwayne smiles) And he’s certainly better than my father.

Junior: You’re joking.

Fabian: I’m not. When I was 11 he insulted me for getting acne and turned my skin into a pincushion trying to stop it, slapped me when I was 8 for stimming in public, yelled at me for getting food poisoning when I was 18 even though he choose the restaurant I got it from and then forced me to search for a job while I was half dead, guilt tripped me into going to my uncle’s wedding even though I barely knew anything about him or his fiancé and made me miss my last day of elementary school, kept me on a dog leash at Disneyland when I was 12 and insulted all the performers, and on my 21st birthday he got me a can of lemonade as a present. 

Junior: Wow, he does sound like a real tight ass.

Dwayne: Junior, watch your language.

Fabian: Oh he’s right. That’s why I consider my girlfriend, her family and May my real family. But you Junior you’ve already got a good father, don’t squander him.

Junior: I’ll consider it once I see a sign. (May is thrown into the Father/son team)

Don: (voice) After trying for an hour, no one has gotten a single bull. Man, this is pathetic.

(The ice dancers eye a bull but it runs away)

Josee: Oh no you don't! (She throws Jacques and the saddle at the bull but Jacques misses the bull and instead slams into a wall) Walk it off! 

(The reality pros and the sisters are chasing two bulls but can’t seem to keep up)

Owen: I don’t know why these bulls are so afraid of us. I’m practically one of them.

Noah: You mean in terms of gaseous expulsion or body weight?

Owen: A little of both. (Laughs)

Emma: Well there has to be some way to put a saddle on these things.

Kitty: (points) There’s one that’s completely oblivious. (Camera pans over to a bull nervously grazing) Maybe if we attach the saddle on quick enough one of us can take it to the matador. 

Noah: We’ll help you put the saddle on that bull.

Emma: Really? Oh, that’s too sweet. Now. (All four of them silently creep up on the bull. Owen leaps and attaches the saddle to the bull. It rear bucks so hard Owen goes flying into a wall leaving an impact silhouette. Everyone else runs up to him) Oh my god are you okay?!

Owen: (dazed) Don’t worry princess bubblegum I’ll eat the candy zombies and save the candy kingdom. (Laughs) 

Noah: I think he’s gonna be fine. (Sam is still being dragged by his bull and plows into Noah, knocking him to the ground)

Sam: Sorry man!

(Gabriella is on one bull’s neck and hanging on for dear life)

Gabriella: I’ve got a bull! Get the saddle!

Nekota: Okay! (Takes the saddle and prepares to place it on the bull but the bull kicks the saddle and sends Nekota flying into the stands) Don’t worry I’m okay!

Geoff: (finds a rope and smirks) 

Brody: Hey. Whatcha doing?

Geoff: I'm using a technique from a rodeo videogame. I’m going to tie a rope around one of his horns and take him down.

Brody: Sweet! Can I help?

Geoff: Sure! (They get the rope ready) One, two, THREE! (They throw the lasso and it gets around a bulls horn) Yes!

Brody: We got one! (They high five until the bull turns around and sees them) Or it’s got us. (Scared, the bull throws them into a wall) Ouch....

Geoff: Bummer man.

(The “alliance” of the models and mother/son fails to catch another bull)

Syd: (to everyone) Come on, we can't give up now.

Yves: I admire your optimism but even I’m seeing no light at the end of this tunnel.

Aaryn: I’ll say all this running around is becoming pointless. (Holds shoe up to Dani) See these shoes? I bought them just before the race started and look at them now, it’s like I’ve owned them for 2 years. 

Dani: (holding up her shoes) That’s nothing I’ve owned these shows for ten years and they’re still together.

Yves: Quality shoes, where’d you get them?

(Meanwhile June sits around waiting for Quince)

Annie: (to June) Where’s Quince?

June: He said he went off to get something from the stands.

Leo: He better not have bailed on us. (They all turn to see Quince. He has returned back to the stadium. He's holding something behind his back) 

Quince: I have a plan to stop all the bulls and get us out of here.

June: And just what is this plan?

Quince: Behind my back I have something that will cause all the bulls to stop running and we'll be able to catch them.

Leo/June: Really?

Quince: Really.

Annie: Come on guys it’s not like we’re making much progress the other way.

June: (sighs) Fine. Just do what you have to do.

Quince: With pleasure. (Runs into the center with the mysterious object behind his back. He is now in the middle of the field as bulls run around him. All the contestants watch to see what happens, even Chet and Lorenzo stop their fighting to look up. He pulls out the mysterious object. They all look up and gasp at what they see. Quince is playing a guitar in the middle as all the bulls surround him entranced by the song. He plays a flamenco version of the Sounds of Silence.) 

Jen: Not to be cliché but I seriously didn’t see that coming.

Tom: (shocked) Ditto.

Quince: (To June) Well they're calm now. Put the saddle on. (June quickly complies and they walk up to the matador with their bull and he gives them a tip) It's an All-In. Ride em' vaquero! 

(Don is seen riding a bull through the beautiful Spanish country side.)

Don: Teams must use the bull they caught from Las Ventas and race through the Spanish country side until they make it to the town of Bunol. (Holds up a map) They will be given a map to navigate their bull. (In Bunol) Once they’ve arrived in Bunol they’ll have to look for this don box to get their next tip. Hope they’ve got some rodeo experience.

June: (Takes the map and gives it to Quince while she steers the steer) Let's go! (Kicks the bull on the side) Hiya! (The bull doesn’t go) What’s happening?

Quince: (Still playing) Might I remind you I control the bull now. He won’t go unless I say so. And we won’t leave until everyone’s got a bull.

June: Are you serious? We could potentially widen our lead by leaps and bounds!

Quince: Hey if we’re going to win it’s because we were the best team and everyone raced at their full potential. Or we could just leave Leo behind so he can be sent home.

June: (Ponders for a moment) Fine! (To everyone else) Get on your bull quickly before I change my mind! (Everyone follows suit and quickly gets their saddles on their bulls and then they all make their way to the matador. Chet and Lorenzo once again fight over who is driving) They’ve got their bulls, let’s go!

(Quince plays the guitar quickly and the bull runs) 

(May and Sam bring their bull to the matador)

Sam: (Kind of beaten up and still being dragged) I slowed it down for Quince.

May: Sure you did. 

Don: (voice) Thanks to Quince, most teams are able to ride their bulls while others face difficulty.

Chet: Let me drive cow pie!

Lorenzo: No way bull pizzle! Now, let's just ride this thing and get out of here so I don't have to see your stupid face again.

Chet: (crosses his arms) Fine by me! 

June: (she and Quince are racing through Madrid until she notices the other teams are closing in) Uh oh! We’ve got some trouble! Move it! (Quince plays faster and the bull runs faster but the other teams keep their pace)

(We then see a montage of teams racing through the Spanish countryside set to a flamenco version of The William Tell Overture by Gioachino Rossini. Annie rides effortlessly while her brother struggles to not be thrown off. June and Josee ride their bulls and the both try to push each other out of the way. Josee actually manages to push Quince off but June grabs him before he hits the road. When she helps him get back on the ice dancers glare menacingly at them and prepare to push both of them off. Just before they can Leo uses his bull to push them off the road. June smiles and thanks him. The goths ride effortlessly while displaying no emotion. Stephanie and MacArthur take control and drive their bulls maniacally while Ryan and Sanders can only watch on scared. The reality pros bull struggles to keep the pace because of Owen’s extra weight. Kitty takes a selfie while Emma and the bull both look terrified in the photo. Chet and Lorenzo are trying to push each other off. Geoff and Brody are having the time of their lives on the back of their bull. Fabian, Carrie, and Jen clutch onto their respective partners for dear life. May and Sam hold on tight and May’s hair actually catches a few birds in it. Gabriella and Nekota look steel focused and determined to make it to the front. Syd tries to control the bull while Dani ties both of them to the saddle to make sure they don’t fall off. Yves and Aaryn can’t control their bull as it continues to veer on and off the road. Dwayne tries to steer the bull while Junior hangs on by the handcuffs.)

Don: (voice) After two grueling hours of riding, our first couple of teams finally find Bunol.

(Josee and Jacques see the edge of town)

Josee: THE GOLD!

Jacques: (looks behind) Hurry! (The Julliard students, the siblings, the animaniacs, the anime nerds, and father/son are right behind them)

Jordan: Finally! Town! (Remembers the bull is still running) Wait! Stop! I mean… uh.

Fabian: I’ve got this (Yells) “DETENER!” (All six bulls stop abruptly and send the teams on top of them flying into the dirt. They all get up a little dazed) Maybe I should’ve phrased that better.

(May/Sam and Jacques/Josee reach the Don Box first.)

May: (reads the tip) It’s a botch or watch! La Tomatina? What the hell are we going to do with tomatoes?

Fabian: Oh, I know what to do! Let me explain! 

Don: (he walks up to them) No, allow me to explain my special little friend, it’s in my contract. In this Botch-or-Watch, whoever didn't rock out in Finland must climb one of these poles (Camera shows several wooden poles each with a ham on top of it) and get the ham on top. Once you’ve got the ham grab the handle and ride it down to the ground. Once you’re on the ground you and your partner will then race over here to today’s chill zone. (Stands on the Chill Zone in the town center) Last team here, may be eliminated.

Josee: It’s mine! (Runs over to a pole)

Jordan: No it’s mine! (Runs over and she and Josee start to climb but the poles are greased and they fall off) What?

Don: Oh, did I forget to mention that the poles are greased? And anyway the challenge doesn’t start until all the teams have arrived as there’s still one thing I need to mention.

Josee: Forcing me to mingle with the common folk, again! 

June: We can hear you.

Josee: Good! (The gym rats come racing into town and knock Josee into the ground again)

Gabriella: I didn’t plan on that but I will happily take credit for it. 

Jacques: Josee! (Runs over to check on her but gets trampled by the daters and the cadets) OWWW!

Stephanie/MacArthur: (Smirking)

Sanders: Macarthur! You need to be more respectful to your other competitors. 

Ryan: Are you crazy or just plain loopy?

Stephanie: Who cares? (Reads the tip) I’m so going to smoke you all, no pun intended.

Junior: (walking over to May) Key! Now!

May: Oh sure. (Gives them the key. Junior unlocks the handcuffs and goes off to the side as his father goes to the pole)

Junior: Good luck dad.

Dwayne: No problem kiddo! (Looks at how tall the pole is. Says to himself) I’ve got this.

(The reality pros, the sisters, the fashion bloggers, the best friends, mother/son, the models, the goths and the surfer dudes arrive. All that’s missing are the step brothers.)

Don: Excellent, once the step brothers arrive we can start. Where are they?

(In the countryside Chet and Lorenzo are still fighting with each other and struggling to control the bull.)

Lorenzo: (Shoving Chet) I said I’ve got this!

Chet: (Shoving back) No I do! (Their bickering causes the bull to run off course, trip and fall, launching the step brothers into the dirt. They groan in agony)

Lorenzo: (groans) If I wasn't so tired and beaten, I totally wouldn’t be this nice.

Chet: (sighs) Same. (They get up) Okay, we're officially lost.

Lorenzo: (sighs) I think this is the end.

Chet: If this really is the end, can we at least talk about why we hate each other? I don't know, I just feel like this the right time for it.

Lorenzo: (sits on a rock) I guess, since we're not going anywhere. (Sighs) I'll be honest Chet, I don't hate you. I'm just jealous.

Chet: Jealous of me?

Lorenzo: How can I not be? You're smarter than me, stronger than me, and you have amazing parkour and gymnastic skills. You're the total package!

Chet: Wow. (Smiles) I've always kinda been jealous of you too.

Lorenzo: Really?

Chet: (smirks) Dude, do you see the way you karate chop? And they way you rocked out in Finland? Not to mention how you carried me over the coals in Hawaii. Epic! (They laugh)

Lorenzo: Yeah, it was pretty epic. (They laugh again) I was just always worried that with our parents getting married that you were going to be the favorite while I would forgotten. 

Chet: (stands up) Lorenzo, I don't care what happens in the future but I promise I won’t forget you. Ever.

Lorenzo: (stands up) Same here, Chet. (They shake hands) We're stepbrothers.

Chet: No. (Lorenzo looks shocked) We're brothers. Brothers till the end.

Lorenzo: (smirks) Brothers till the end. HUG ME BROTHER! (They smirk as they hug.) Now come on, maybe we can still win this, or at least not come in last place. (Looks around) Where’s the bull?

Chet: Over there! (Points to the bull grazing peacefully, if somewhat paranoid. Pulls out the map) I’ve still got the map!

Lorenzo: (holds up the saddle) And I’ve got the saddle! You thinking what I’m thinking?

Chet/Lorenzo: ZERG RUSH! (Both yell as they run to the bull and quickly place the saddle on its back. It tries to buck them off but to no avail. Lorenzo quickly gains control and steers it.)

Lorenzo: Okay, I’ve got control! Now where’s the town!?

Chet: (looking at map) Over there! (Points and Lorenzo steers the bull in that direction)

(Back in town the botchers are ready and some are getting impatient. Josee, Stephanie, Gabriella, Leo, June, Jordan, Sam, Emma, Owen, Aaryn, Syd, Dwayne, Crimson, Tom, Devin, Brody, and Sanders are doing this challenge) 

Josee: UGHHH! Can’t we just start the challenge already?! At this point it’s pretty much a guarantee they’re going to lose! Let’s just cut ahead to the part where I win!

Don: (sees something in the distance) Hold on eager mcbeaver. Here they come! (Chet and Lorenzo make it to the town and hop off their bull as they approach the don box. The bull continues to run until it hits a wall.) Someone help that bull.

Lorenzo: (grabs a tip they both read it) Looks like you’re climbing man! (Chet races over to the poles while Lorenzo goes off to the side)

Don: Now that everyone’s here, I can explain the other part of this challenge. While the botchers climb the poles, their partners are allowed to throw tomatoes at the competition. Like the festival of La Tomatina, watchers can throw all these tomatoes (Camera pans over to a huge dump truck full of tomatoes) and pelt the rest of the botchers to give their team an advantage. I’m warning you now though, as per tradition you must smash each tomato before you throw it. For every unsmashed tomato thrown your team incurs a one minute penalty when you arrive at the chill zone. Now, everyone ready? (Botchers get ready to climb as watchers get ready to throw) On your mark............ Get set.............. CLIMB! (Horn sounds)

(People start climbing the poles but they all fall off as their partners start throwing tomatoes. Josee tries again quickly but gets hit by tomatoes thrown by Nekota and MacArthur and falls off, both smile with a smug sense of satisfaction. Gabriella and Sanders try to climb and appear to get a grip but tomatoes thrown by Jacques knock them off. Dwayne tries to get a grip but just slides right off. Owen climbs and makes it little farther up but falls down and makes all the poles hop in the air. Stephanie tries to climb but falls down on her face and Ryan laughs, she looks at him bitterly. Emma tries to climb but falls flat down on her butt. Jordan takes off her shoes to get a better grip but to no avail. Sam tackles it head on but still falls off. Brody, Syd and Devin try to claw their way to the top. Crimson is slowly inching her way up the pole, kind of like a sloth. Leo and June both make it a competition to get up to the top first and both flounder to stay on. Tomatoes fly everywhere but Tom and Aaryn are hesitant to climb)

Jen: (calling out to her partner) Tom, why aren’t you climbing?

Tom: I can’t! I just can’t get these clothes all dirty! 

Aaryn: And I’m still pretty stupefied by how tall it is.

Yves: Well you two need to hurry up before all four of us go home.

Sam: (falls again) Okay that’s it! (Takes off the vaquero uniform and is now down to his underwear. He throws the pants around the pole before tying the legs around his waist and starts to climb.)

Tom: I think he’s got the right idea, what do you think?

Aaryn: Way ahead of you man. (Both Aaryn and Tom strip down to their underwear and give their clothes to their partners who promise to keep them safe and dry. Then they both start to climb, Tom is a little unhappy with this)

Jordan: (falls back down again) Dammit! (Notices what her brother is doing and gets an idea. She takes off her pants and is in her gray boxer-briefs. She also uses them as a belt to climb. It’s working well till she slides down a little) Come on, be a man. Be as swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, all the strength of a raging fire and as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. (Climbs up further and further) 

(Syd is climbing and is doing everything in his power to avoid the produce)

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: I’m allergic to lycopene. So this challenge is potentially hazardous to me.   
\---> Dani: He’s never had Italian in his life. I always go olive garden by myself. And whenever we want take out we always get this special Alfredo sauce pizza. 

Syd: Mom, see if you can stop the tomatoes from hitting me!

Dani: I’ll try! (Notices one tomato heading for her son and throws another tomato at it, knocking it out of Syd’s way.) I’m getting good at this. (Continues to throw counter tomatoes)

Noah: Owen it’s especially important that you don’t eat the ham once you get it, ok?!

Owen: I got it! (Opens his mouth wide to catch some tomatoes, chews and swallows them) Yummy! 

Jordan: (Gets repeatedly pelted by produce, she looks to see some of it’s coming from Fabian) Dude, you’re supposed to be throwing it at everyone else, not me!

Fabian: I’m sorry! But you know I’ve got the worst aim! (Tries to throw a tomato at Josee but instead it heads straight for Jordan and hits her) Sorry!

Jordan: (wipes it off) Don’t worry just... just... Just aim at me!

Fabian: You sure?

Jordan: Yeah! If your aim’s that bad you should aim at me and that way you’ll hit someone else.

Fabian: Okay. (Throws a tomato at Jordan but it instead hits Chet) Huh, I think I’ve got this now. (Continues to aim and throw at Jordan but all the tomatoes hit everyone else) I think I’ve got it.

(Sanders climbs but a tomato thrown by Jacques hits her square in the face knocking her to the ground) 

MacArthur: Hey cheap shot!

Jacques: So? You’re supposed to throw vegetables at the competition.

May: Technically it’s a fruit.

MacArthur: I don’t like the cut off your jib ursus maritimus.

Jacques: So? What are you going to do about it Paula Blart?

MacArthur: This! (Smashes a tomato and throws it squarely in Jacques face which knocks him down) 

Nekota: OHHH! (Laughs)

Jacques: (Gets up and wipes the tomato off his face) OH, QUE LES LARMES IT! (Throws a smashed tomato at her, she ducks and it hits Nekota) Get out of my way buckskin! (Gets tackled by Nekota and is put in a full nelson)

Nekota: Never! Call me! BUCKSKIN! (Squeezes him)

MacArthur: I like this!

Jacques: ONCLE! ONCLE!! ONCLE!!! (Gets up and throws him off his back. Angry, Nekota picks up another tomato, crushes it, and throws it at him. Jacques gets hit then throws another smashed tomato back at him. Nekota ducks and it hits Macarthur. Angry she throws another smashed tomato and Jacques gracefully dodges it. It hits Jen instead.)

Jen: (angrily) Hey! I got this top for my birthday! (Looks around) Who did this?! (Nekota and MacArthur point to Jacques) AAAHHH! (Throws a smashed tomato at him, he dodges and it hits Lorenzo instead.)

Lorenzo: Hey, only Chet’s allowed to assault me with food! (Throws a smashed tomato at Jen which hits Ryan)

Ryan: Oh, you’ve done it now crawdad. (Throws a smashed tomato back at him, knocking him down. In retaliation Lorenzo throws multiple smashed tomatoes at him but they all hit the rest of the competition. Everyone but Annie, Fabian, Carrie, Ennui and Dani stare at him intensely) Crap! 

MacArthur: Oh it’s on now! Food fight! (Suddenly the tomato throwing is diverted from the botchers to the watchers. Jacques and Nekota wrestle in the tomato paste. Kitty and Yves smash the fruits onto each other’s hair and face. Geoff cheers as Jen and Noah pelt each other with the fruit and gets covered in paste in the process. MacArthur loves this and actually body slams Lorenzo into the paste. Quince throws multiple tomatoes at Ryan and Ryan only throws one tomato at him which knocks him to the ground.)

Annie: Can you believe all the produce these people are wasting? Not to mention the senseless violence. 

Carrie: I know. Still it does look like fun. (Playfully throws a tomato at Annie. Annie tries to stifle her laughter but then breaks out giggling and tosses another tomato at Carrie. The two blondes start playfully smashing tomatoes over each other’s heads. Meanwhile Fabian continues to aim at his partner but hits everyone else. May and Junior appear on the ground next to him wrestling)

May: Dude, I need your help!

Fabian: Can’t, too busy.

Junior: Come on, what are you?

Fabian: A misanthropic pacifist whose scared senseless of a lot of pointless things.

Junior: Come on man have a little fun.

Fabian: (turns to Junior) Okay, I’ll have fun. (Takes Junior’s head and dunks it into the tomato paste) Having fun yet? (Takes his head out)

Junior: (coughing up tomato paste) Yeah man! (Grabs him by his neck) Now I’ve got you! (Tries to move him but is unsuccessful) 

Fabian: Sorry but that’s not going to work on me. (Takes him and drops him in the paste and then simply falls on top of him.) Had enough?

Junior: No way! (They both start smearing each other in the paste, May sees Geoff, tackles him and they start wrestling) 

Dani: (looks around) Syd honey get the ham quickly everyone else is distracted.

Syd: Okay mom! (Continues to climb)

(Ennui throws tomatoes at people but he doesn’t really throw hard enough to hit people)

(Jordan, Sam, Gabriella, and Josee are closest to the top) 

Josee: The gold, It’s mine! (Is almost able to reach the ham)

Jordan: No! It’s! Mine! (Grabs the ham before Josee) YES! (Raises the ham and her arms in victory) Oh no! AAAHH! (The knot unties and she falls down to the ground. She gets up and sees her brother riding the handle down. Josee quickly follows him.) I gotta move! Fabian, come on! (Runs) 

Fabian: (Hears this and gets up) Sorry Junior I’ve gotta bolt. Hope we can talk again later.

Junior: Okay man, hope to see you at the chill zone. (Fabian leaves while Junior goes back to throwing tomatoes)

Sam: (lands on the ground) May let’s hightail it! (Runs off and May follows)

Josee: (she lands and yells) JACQUES!!! (He’s pinned underneath Nekota and MacArthur, yet the sound of Josee’s voice awakens something inside him and he over powers them and throws them off his back. He runs)

Jacques: Yes! Victory!

Don: With first place still up for grabs, three teams are in a tight race. (All three teams race to the chill zone. The ice dancers seem the most determined but Fabian and Jordan’s legs are longer and….. The animaniacs make it to the finish line first) Fabian and Jordan you take first place! (Ice dancers arrive) You get second. Great come back from last time. (May and Sam arrive) And you take third.

Josee: Second place?! That’s not winning that’s just being the first loser! AAAHHH! (Hoists Fabian above her head)

Fabian: HELP! GET HER OFF OF ME!

Don: Put him down or I give you a penalty.

Josee: FINE! (Lets him go and drops him) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (she is seen off-screen throwing various objects in rage including knifes while Jacques cowers in fear) AUGHHHHHH!!!!

Fabian: Wait did we really come in 1st for a change? 

Don: Yes you really did, and your prize is two exclusive tickets to the Opera house in Madrid; where you’ll both see “Carmen”!

Jordan: YES! YES! Finally! Finally! (They both cheer, hug each other and laugh) Touchdown! (Throws the ham down like it was a football) WOOO! YEAH!

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: Pardon our excitement but hello, we got first place! Well you did.  
\---> Jordan: No man we did this together. Finally! After weeks of placing in the middle faction and almost biting the dust in Iceland, First place! (Vocalizes like Florence Welch did in “Strangeness and Charm”)

Don: (Notices Jordan has no pants and Sam is naked save for his underwear) Where are your clothes?

Sam: I don’t need clothes to fell complete. (Smears tomato paste all over himself) 

Jordan: (looks down) Man I knew I forgot something! (Runs back to get her pants)

May: (To Sam) Don’t worry man I’ll get your clothes for you. (She runs off with Jordan)

Don: With the first three spots taken it’s now a race for not last place. (Camera shows botchers are still climbing and watchers are still fighting) 

Syd: (Reaches the ham on top) Got it mom! (Grabs the handle to ride it down)

Dani: Excellent. (She leaves)

Gabriella: (riding the lever down with ham in toe) Nekota let’s move it!

Nekota: (releases MacArthur from a headlock) Kay! (To Macarthur) Hey, you put up a good fight.

MacArthur: Thanks man, you too. (He leaves as MacArthur returns to her tomato throwing duties)

Don: Fourth place to the gym rats, (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) and fifth to mother and son. (Dani/Syd arrive)

Syd: Well considering I didn’t suffer anaphylactic shock, I call this day successful.

(Jordan and May return with their clothes) 

Fabian: Hey can we get a shower and maybe some laundry service here? 

Don: Sure. (Snaps fingers and the crew appears with a high pressure firefighting hose. Everyone looks startled and Fabian hides behind Jordan)

Sam: Yeah, figures that would happen on this show. (The hose is turned on and all 5 teams are blasted off camera by the water) 

(Back at the challenge. The watchers have stopped their fighting.)

Jen: Okay seriously, where did all the tomatoes go? Did we grind them into paste? 

Kitty: Guess we did.

Yves: Yeah, we went pretty wild. Anyone hurt?

Everyone: No/Nah/I’m fine/It’s all good/I’m good.

Noah: Well now we just have to wait for our partners to come on down with the hams. (Everyone watches the botchers) 

Owen: (Is finally at the top of the pole) I can almost reach it! (Grabs the ham) Woo hoo! I got it! (Suddenly the pole begins to shake) Oh god! (The pole starts to lean to one side) Oh GOD NO! AAAAHHH! (Owen’s pole falls and he lands on the truck full of tomato paste so hard the paste is catapulted high into the sky. It then rains down on all the remaining contestants.) Tomato rain, am I dreaming?

Noah: Nope, let’s go! (Grabs him he and Owen race to the chill zone)

Leo: (reaches the ham before June and grabs the lever) Annie I’ve got it!

June: (starting to ride down on the lever) Me too man let’s go! (Annie and Quince leave)

Devin: (Grabs the ham and hoists it in the air) Carrie! Let’s go! (Falls off because he isn’t holding onto anything) AAAHH!

Tom: Finally! (Grabs the handle and rides it down with the ham in his left arm)

Aaryn: Yves, start running! Meet me there! (He rides the handle down too. When he and Tom are on the ground they quickly leave to meet up with their partners who are carrying their clothes)

MacArthur: (Yelling to Sanders) Come on Sanders! Use your glutes! (Sanders gets motivated and climbs up the pole in record speed. Once she gets the ham at the top she rides the handle down speedily. Once on the ground she and MacArthur run like hell)

Don: Sixth! (The siblings arrive) Seventh! (The Julliard students arrive) Eight! (The cadets arrive) Ninth! (The best friends arrive) Tenth! (The fashion bloggers arrive) Eleventh! (The models arrive) Twelfth! (The reality pros arrive) Hose!

Owen: Hose? (The hose is once again turned on, dowsing and knocking all the new teams off camera) 

(Confessional)  
\---> June: (she and Quince are soaking wet) Thanks man you really pulled through today, I don’t think anyone could’ve saddled a bull without your help.  
\---> Quince: Don’t sell yourself out. You climbed the pole, no way I could’ve done that.   
\---> June: By the way, where’d you get that guitar?  
\---> Quince: Oh I found it in the stands of the stadium. Speaking of which I should probably give it back. (Runs to get the guitar back to Las Ventas) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: (They’re also soaking wet) Now can I?  
\---> Noah: Go ahead man, you’ve earned it.  
\---> Owen: Woo Hoo! (Starts eating the ham) 

Stephanie: (Reaches the ham) Yes! (Falls off because she wasn’t holding onto anything) WAAAHH! 

Ryan: Baby! (Ryan runs over and catches Stephanie in his big muscular arms) You okay?

Stephanie: (heart-struck) Yeah, I’m fine. (Snaps out of it) Let’s go! (They run)

Dwayne: (Grabs the ham and tries to grab the handle but only succeeds in falling down.) NOOO! (When he reaches the ground and gets back up he speaks in a dazed voice) Junior? Let’s go. (Stumbles when he tries to walk but Junior grabs him and leads him)

Junior: Come on dad let’s go.

Emma: (Reaches the ground) Kitt! Come on! (The sisters run)

Don: Thirteenth! (The daters arrive) Fourteenth! (The sisters arrive) Fifteenth! (Father/Son arrive) 

Dwayne: (snaps back to it) Junior! Did you get in a fight? You’re bleeding!

Junior: Dad, don’t worry it’s just tomatoes remember? (Wipes some of the paste of his face)

Dwayne: Oh, well good. Don’t pick fights and don’t start fights. (Turns around to see the hose pointed at them and the other teams) Uh oh. (The hose blasts all them off camera)

Don: Only three teams are left and only two spots remain. Who’s saying “vamanos”? (Crimson, Brody, and Chet all ride their handles down and once on the ground start running with their partners.) Here they come now! (Geoff/Brody cross first) Surfers take Sixteenth! (They chest bump and cheer) And…. (Crimson/Ennui arrive ahead of Chet/Lorenzo) The goths take seventeenth! Wow, I’m sure nearly being eliminated like that was really scary huh? (They still show no emotion) Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Hose. (The hose blasts the final three teams off camera)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: (they’re soaking wet) Sorry it took me so long to get the ham man. But that pole was super oily. Like fried county fair food oily.  
\---> Geoff: No problem man, we’re still in it. And besides I got involved in a wicked food fight. Like, more wicked than that one we had at Evan’s house for his 18th birthday.  
\---> Brody: Man I remember that! Dude, I had hummus everywhere. (They laugh)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: (also wet) Wow that was way too close. It makes you realize how you always need to be at the top of your game.  
\---> Ennui: I’ll say, although the chaos that came out of that tomato fight was pleasant to say the least.  
\---> Crimson: All forms of mindless destruction are beautiful.

Don: (Walks over to the step brothers) It seems that the Stepbrothers have been eliminated from the Race. I'm sorry guys but you're out. 

Lorenzo: (he puts his arm around Chet) Whatever. We don't need this show. I got my awesome bro and that's ten times better than a million.

Chet: (smiles) Yeah! Still, it was fun while it lasted.

Geoff: (waves) Later dudes!

Brody: Nice to see you two are now bros!

Lorenzo: (smiles) I know it’s awesome! See you guys at the finale! (He and Chet walk away from the cast as they wave them away)

Don: Another day another team gone. Will Leo and June ever spit it out? What crazy things will we force our contestants do next? Will the Ice Dancers continue to manipulate their way to the top? Find out next time when we return to THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

=== Best of Chet and Lorenzo === (A slideshow is shown on the screen of Chet and Lorenzo's best moments from the Ridonculous Race as they voice over)

Chet: (voice) I'm sorry I screwed up and got us eliminated.

Lorenzo: (voice) It's cool Chet. We did our best and truly became brothers from this Race.

Chet: (voice) Yeah. No matter what, we'll always be brothers even if we're on the other side of the world.

Lorenzo: (voice) Hey maybe we could start our own show, only with ninjas and stuff.

Chet: (voice) Okay, now I know you’re my brother. 

Lorenzo: (voice) Yep, brothers till the end. Nice that they let us keep the ham. (Lorenzo and Chet are seen walking down the streets of Bunol) Wanna see if there’s a restaurant that’ll cook this thing?

Chet: Dude you totally read my mind, Let’s go! (They run off in search of a place to eat)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a load of bull *rimshot* I don't want to brag but I definitely think this chapter is my magnum opus of the whole damn season. I'm especially happy the step brothers are out, in an ideal world I would've eliminated them before the geniuses but they needed more relationship development before that could happen. But to the relief of their parents they're finally on good terms and it will stay that way. Don't worry, the Goths where never in any real fear of elimination but I've realized something, becuase they could care less where they place I can put them in lower spots and not feel guilty about it. If you look closely you'll notice several allusions to Mulan. Jacques and Josee will keep their black outfits for the remainder of this season so get that in your minds when you're imagining these episodes. Favorite part this episode: Why have just one? I love the bull racing montage set to the William Tell Overture and of course the entirety of the La Tomatina challenge and especially the part with the hose, I just feel like it would be so in character for the series. 
> 
> Current Rankings:  
> Jordan & Fabian (1st Place)   
> Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)  
> Sam & May (3rd Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (4th Place)  
> Syd & Dani (5th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (6th Place)  
> June & Quince (7th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (8th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (9th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (10th Place)   
> Aaryn & Yves (11th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (12th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (13th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (14th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (15th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (16th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (17th Place)
> 
> Final Placements:  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th Place)   
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	16. The Geelong Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The teams are thrown into an Australian prison and must get creative in order to break out

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams went to Spain where they learned that sometimes bulls are more afraid of you than you are of them and then they participated in the world’s weirdest food fight. Try and beat that Gordon Ramsey. At the end of it all the Animaniacs took 1st place for the 1st time, even without pants, and 3 of our men got naked, but hey anything for that $1 million am I right? The ice dancers managed to climb all the way back to 2nd place but it still wasn’t enough for them, though on the plus side they did cause enough of a rift within the step brothers to get them eliminated. Who will kick the proverbial bucket next? Find out today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(The Chill Zone from last episode is seen on the screen. Don stands in front next to the Don Box. The contestants wait in line for the Don Box in the order they arrived last challenge starting with Fabian and Jordan.)

Don: We return to Bunol, Spain where our first place team will grab the first tip. (Fabian and Jordan run up to the Don Box. They look determined.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: (smiles) I can’t stop smiling!  
\---> Jordan: Well of course you should be smiling man, we won yesterday! And keep smiling cause we’re gonna keep on winning from here on out.  
\---> Fabian: Seriously it hurts, I think I’m stuck. Help me.  
\---> Jordan: Oh, sure. (Slaps his face) Better?  
\---> Fabian: (Face returns to normal) Yeah.

Jordan: (grabs the first tip and reads it) We're going to Australia.

Fabian: Sweet!

Don: (he's seen in a slideshow of Australia) Australia. Home to the unique Sydney Opera House, Ayers Rock, and deceptively cute koalas. (A koala screeches and at the camera and breaks it. Don stands in front of a bus at the airport.) Teams must take a bus to Madrid’s International Airport and book their flight to Melbourne. (He now stands in front of Melbourne International Airport. The Don Box there has a red shirt on.) Once here, teams will grab their next tip and see what's really down under!

Josee: (she and Jacques still are still wearing their black unitards) Let’s go! (Drags him off)

May: (reading the tip) I’ve always wanted to visit Australia. Should be fun.

Sam: Yeah, and with all the dangerous creatures that means there’s no shortage of terrifying challenges for us to do.

May: (sarcastically) Yay.

(The teams all arrive at Madrid International Airport. They are then seen buying tickets to Australia. All the teams are seen on the same flight from Madrid to Melbourne. Everyone on the flight is sleeping.)

Don: (voice) With all seventeen teams on the same 23 hour flight to Melbourne, sleeping would be the most ideal thing to do. However, we decided to give them something to worry about. 

(The plane blows an alarm waking up all the teams. Don appears in the screen in front of them smiling.)

Don: Attention teams! (He holds up a Boomerang) Two Boomerangs will be attached to two travel tips today allowing the user to send a team back to repeat the last challenge at the next Don Box. 

Josee: (to Jacques) I want one! (Jacques nods)

Sanders: If we get the boomerang we should be smart and-

MacArthur: Use it on the ice dancers.

Sanders: No, we need to assess the situation and pick the team we feel-

MacArthur: Like the ice dancers.

Sanders: Will you let me finish-

MacArthur: Off the ice dancers with the boomerang, absolutely.

Sanders: (exasperated sigh)

Carrie: (walking up to the fashion bloggers seats) Hey guys, I’m finally going to tell him.

Jen: Really? Nice!

Tom: You go girl!

Carrie: I can’t hold it any longer, I wrote down what I’m going to say and then tell him.

Tom: I’m so proud of you.

Jen: We’ll leave you two to be alone.

Carrie: No, no it’s okay. If it wasn’t for you and the other girl’s advice I don’t think I’d be able to do this.

(The flight is seen landing in Melbourne, Australia. The teams exit the plane and rush outside to the airport. They find the Don Box outside.)

Carrie: Devin I need to ah- (Is grabbed by Devin and they both head into a taxi which then speeds off)

Tom: TAXI! (One appears and the fashion bloggers get in and leave)

Josee: (running) There's the Don Box!

Jacques: (presses the button) Boomerang, here we come! (He grabs the tip and its boomerang) YEESSS!

Josee: (Squeals in delight)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: First you get the gold.  
\---> Jacques: Then you get the boomerang  
\---> Josee/Jacques: Then you get the power! (Maniacal laughter)

Annie: (grabs a tip and reads it) Stop in at Geelong National Security Prison.

Leo: We're going to a prison?

(Don is seen in front of a large prison located in Melbourne)

Don: Yes we are. Geelong National Security Prison closed in 1991. But during its 146 years of operation was the most brutal and violent lockup on Earth. Now it's an extreme travel hotspot! (Don walks into a cell and the door is closed behind him) As teams arrive, they'll be thrown into cells. Each cell is equipped with one of four methods of escape. (Points to the toilet) Tunnels, (points to the space under the bunk bed) Trap Doors, (points to a pillow) Hidden tools, (points to the window with bars) and Bars. (Don is now seen outside the prison and near a riverbank) Once teams break out, they're free to make their way to today's final Don Box here on the Barwon River. (Holds up a Boomerang) Boomerangs can only be used up to this point. After they pass this Don Box, the Boomerang expires. As a special bonus treat, the first team to arrive at the chill zone gets to make one phone call home.

(Back at Melbourne International Airport, June/Quince, Leo/Annie, Fabian/Jordan, May/Sam and Josee/Jacques have gotten in taxis to Geelong.)

(Inside the taxi carrying the surfers)

Brody: Dude Australia has some of the best surfing spots in the world.

Geoff: I know! Plus Bridgette came here, you think we’ll see her?

Brody: Maybe. (Looks outside the taxi window and notices someone) Dude, look out the window!

Geoff: (Looks outside) Hey cabdriver, slow down!

(Outside we see none other than Bridgette walking down a sidewalk. She turns around confused to see a taxi driving to her. Geoff rolls down the window to talk to her)

Geoff: Hey, babe! Great to see ya!

Bridgette: (smiles) Good to see you guys too. Why are you here in Australia? I thought you were on a new show?

Brody: We are, and it took us to Australia. And now we’re going to a prison for the next challenge. And the winner gets to call home.

Geoff: And if we win I’ll call you!

Bridgette: Oh, thanks.

Brody: Well we should really be going so, see ya!

Geoff: Yeah, see ya babe! (The taxi leaves)

Bridgette: (waving goodbye) Bye. (Smiles a little)

Brody: Hey have you ever noticed how much Bridgette and Carrie sound alike?

Geoff: Oh my god you’re so right! Weird, huh?

(Back at the airport the cadets get their tip and out comes a boomerang)

Macarthur: Yes! Got a boomerang! (She and Sanders leave)

(Inside the taxi carrying father/son)

Dwayne: A phone call home. Sounds enticing right?

Junior: Yeah, let’s call mom.

Dwayne: Or we could order a pizza.

Junior: (face palms) Dad, just stop.

(At Geelong Prison, Carrie/Devin are the first team to arrive at the prison)

Carrie: Well here’s the prison, looks kind of scary.

Devin: We’ll be fine, come on.

Carrie: (turns to see the fashion bloggers get out of a taxi) Guys, I’ve got to tell Devin how I feel about him now. If we win and he calls Shelly it could just disrupt everything that’s happened between us.

Tom: Well the sooner the better. Now let’s go. (They all head into the prison)

Carrie: So where do we-(she is suddenly handcuffed and so are Devin and the fashion bloggers) Huh?! (Two cops stand there)

Cop: Welcome to Geelong.

(The best friends and the fashion bloggers are thrown into cells and the doors are shut.)

Carrie: (sighs) Okay that was not how I thought that was going to go.

Jen: (from the adjoining cell) Same.

Devin: Okay, you check for trap doors while I look for a loose bar.

Carrie: Very well.

(Meanwhile in the cab carrying the cadets)

Sanders: If we win the phone call, I’d like to call my grandmother… she’s quite old and her health isn’t what it used to be.

MacArthur: I’d call my cat Mr. Princess. (Has a coin) Wanna flip for it?

(Record scratch)

Sanders: (kind of frustrated) My grandmother is sick. Your cat is… well, a CAT. He won’t even know that you called!

MacArthur: I’LL know, and that’s what really matters. (Sanders looks into the camera like she’s at The Office)

(Outside the prison, four more taxis arrive carrying Josee/Jacques, May/Sam, Fabian/Jordan, and Dwayne/Junior. Dwayne stays behind a second.)

Dwayne: Darn shoelaces! (Goes to tie his shoes) I knew I should have worn the slip-ons. (He hears clicking and looks up. Everyone’s getting handcuffed by officers.)

Junior: Hey!

Dwayne: Hey, let go of my son or I'll - (hit in the head by a baton and falls)

Junior/May/Sam: (they all cringe when they see that) Dad! / You okay? / That looked painful.

Dwayne: (groans from the ground in pain) I'm good...

Don: (voice) As teams are cuffed and thrown into Geelong, most go peacefully.

(Geoff/Brody, Owen/Noah, Dani/Syd, Gabriella/Nekota, Emma/Kitty, Ryan/Stephanie, June/Quince, Yves/Aaryn, Crimson/Ennui, and Annie/Leo are seen cuffed and thrown into their cells. They look from behind the bars.)

Don: (voice) While other teams put up a bit of a fight.

MacArthur: (kicks a cop down while Sanders is cuffed) OH YEAH!

Sanders: MacArthur! They're not trying to hurt you!

MacArthur: Then explain why they're attacking me?

Sanders: Oh I don't know. It could be the fact that you started to beat them up as soon as we got here!

MacArthur: It's called initiative. (Cracks her knuckles) Who wants a piece of me?! (A dozen cops surround her.) Hehe, truce? (They tackle her to the ground)

(In the Cadets Cell, MacArthur is at the door while Sanders is pacing back and forth.)

MacArthur: (to a cop off-screen) It wasn't personal! I mean, yeah it was your face I punched in but I still respect you as a fellow officer of the law, especially since you only cried a little. Super manly dude!

Sanders: Are you going to mock him all day or should you help me find a way out?

MacArthur: (thinks) I'm pretty sure there's time for both. (Sanders groans and searches the cell) Man, sometimes I wish you were a little more fun.

Sanders: Well, sometimes I wish you were a little more professional, not so insulting and wouldn’t always punch people! Can’t you just play nice for once?

MacArthur: I'm nice to you all the time.

Sanders: That's what you call nice?!

Josee: Hey! Keep it down! (MacArthur and Sanders hear Josee from outside their cell) We're trying to think!

MacArthur: Don't worry! Trying anything for the first time is hard!

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: (Sanders does not seem amused) Come on. That one was pretty good.  
\---> Sanders: (smirks and begins laughing) I know. As aggressive you can be you still know how to make me laugh.  
\---> MacArthur: It's what I'm here for partner.

(In the Mother and Son Cell, Dani looks under the bed while Syd looks in the pillows)

Dani: Well, when I said I always wanted to go to Australia I didn't imagine that we'd be spending it in a prison. (Laughs) Right honey?

Syd: Yeah mom. (Finds a file) Nice! (Starts filing away the bars) This could take a while.

Dani: Take your time. You know this is almost exactly like how I spent Memorial Day weekend in 1992.

(In the models cell)

Yves: (looking around) Well I wanted to be famous and I guess being arrested just comes with that.

Aaryn: Only if you’re an heiress.

(In the sibling’s cell Leo and Annie take a few moments to talk)

Annie: Why can’t you just tell June you like her?

Leo: I’ll admit we’ve got a lot in common, but I’m not surrendering my feelings to someone else. Last time that happened we both got hurt.

Annie: This isn’t like last time.

Leo: You don’t know that for sure. Now let’s cut the jab and start finding a way to escape. (Looks around while Annie begrudgingly complies)

(In the Reality TV Pros Cell, Noah looks around)

Noah: Hmmmm.... How do we get out? (Looks behind him and gasps. Owen is about to use the toilet) NO! NO! HELL NOOO!

Owen: Trust me, I'm just as upset about this as you are. (He farts loudly and chuckles)

Noah: (deadpan) I seriously doubt that.

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Seriously, what do you eat for breakfast?  
\---> Owen: (laughs) What don't I eat?

(In the Julliard student’s cell, June is seen filing the bars)

Quince: Is something the matter?

June: No everything is fine. Why?

Quince: You’ve been sawing that bar for 10 minutes and it fell off 8 minutes ago. (June is indeed sawing at the air) Just tell me what’s wrong.

June: Fine! It’s Leo. He still hasn’t shown any sign that he loves me. What if he was lying and it was all just a rouse to throw us off our game? Ugh, this is what I get for trusting people!

Quince: Do you think that maybe it’s because he’s waiting for you to show some compassion for him?

June: Maybe?

Quince: June you and Leo both need to realize that love is a two way street and you both need to put in some effort to make this thing work. Now (takes the file) Let me do this. (Starts filing) You get the bedsheets and tie them into a rope, I saw it on mythbusters you can totally climb it. (June complies)

Junior: (talking out from his cell door) Is your partner constantly telling you about fishing stories with his dad?

Dwayne: (from inside the cell) I tell you Junior, that summer I spent at the lake with your grandfather was life changing. We would wake up at the crack of dawn and go fishing. I remember catching my first fish and when he helped me reel it in out came a whopping trout. (Laughs) Pretty interesting story, right kiddo?

Junior: (rolls his eyes) Yeah, except, that story has no way of helping us get out of this cell. And that’s literally the 100th time I’ve heard it.

Dwayne: R-right... I guess I'll just keep searching the cell. (He sadly walks into the back of the cell)

Jordan: (she's at the cell door to the left of them) Your dad's not that bad, Junior. At least he's trying. Both in this game and in your normal life. I mean you’ve heard what Fabian had to say about his father, would it be worse if he tried too much or didn’t try at all?

Junior: Can’t he take a third option?

Jordan: Be thankful Junior, your father’s not going to be around forever. And hopefully he dies before you.

Junior: (ponders for a moment)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: (alone) I-I never actually have put any thought about my dad dying. I can’t even imagine life without him.

Jordan: So have you found anything yet?

Fabian: I’m afraid not, god I’m so useless! (He lies on top of the bed which has a trap door under it. He falls.) AUGHHH! (Crashes on the bottom) OWW!

Jordan: (looks down below) Are you okay?!

Fabian: Yeah, I landed on the mattress. Jump while we have the lead!

Jordan: (Takes the other mattress into her hands) Okay! (She jumps into the trap door) AAAHH!

Don: (voice) Fabian "finds" the trapdoor in their cell, and the animaniacs take first place again. While others scramble to find a way out.

(Ryan is shown shaking the bar doors, Brody taps on a wall, Ennui looks under a bed, Annie unmakes the bed hoping to find something)

(In the Sisters Cell, Emma and Kitty look around)

Emma: I still can't figure out how to get out of here.

Kitty: Me neither. You'd think they'd make this easy for us. (Leans against a wall the suddenly begins to crack and break. Kitty falls in.) WHOA!

Emma: Kitty! Are you okay?!

Kitty: (gets up from the hole) Yeah, I'm good.

Emma: (looks around the hole) Hey, I think this is an escape tunnel! Let's go. (She and Kitty crawl through the hole in the wall.)

(In the Ice Dancers Cell, Josee looks nervously out the bars while Jacques steps on the floor)

Jacques: Hey Josee, does this part of the floor sound different to you?

Josee: WHO CARES?! There's no air in here! Is that part of prison?! Not getting air?!

Jacques: Of course there is air in here. (Feels the gust of wind) See, here comes some wind now. (Feels the wind) It feels so calming.

Josee: (starts banging on the cell doors) I GOTTA GET OUT!

Jacques: Josee! Please stop you're going to - (Josee breaks through the bars) Find the way out! (They get outside)

Sanders: (from the cell next to them) Wait! If you let us out now we'll owe you one, you have my word.

Josee: (smirks) On one condition: I want to hear MacArthur say Ice Dancing is the best sport in the world.

MacArthur: (laughs) You actually think it's a sport?

Sanders: MacArthur!

MacArthur: Nope. Not going to happen. No way.

Sanders: This can be our "get out jail" free card and all you have to do is play nice for ten seconds!

MacArthur: (sighs) Fine. (Walks up to the Ice Dancers) Ice Dancing is the best sport in the world...

Jacques: (smirks) Louder.

MacArthur: (smiles brightly) Ice Dancing is the best sport in the world!

Josee: And who's the best Ice Dancer in the world?

MacArthur: (smiles widely yet glares) You are!

Jacques: (he and Josee walk away) That was so nice of you to say. Bye!

MacArthur: I KNEW IT!

Sanders: I thought you were going to help us?!

Josee: I am, I'm helping you two go home. (Smirks) The two of you in that cell remind me a lot of my pet rats. (She laughs)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: (glares) I knew those Ice Dancers were bad news.  
\---> Sanders: I know, you were right. (Glares) We're never trusting them again.

(Devin lifts the bunk beds, or at least tries to. He quickly switches to another tactic)

Devin: Come on! We’ve got to win this round and that phone call!

Carrie: Why don’t we take a break and take a moment to talk?

Devin: (tears open a pillow and finds a file) Perfect! So what did you want to say to me? (Starts filing the bars of the window)

Carrie: Actually yes, (Takes out the paper and unfolds it. Starts to read) I just wanted to tell you that I remember many things growing up, like when you were so excited when the training wheels came off your bike, or the pride you showed when you wore your favorite shirt on backwards for a year, or how sad you were when we watched Sozin’s comet, or how elated you were when we saw Alan Menken in concert, but what I can’t remember is a time… when I didn’t love you. (Looks up to see Devin has filed away at the bars and escaped) Huh? Devin? Did you hear me?

Devin: (calling out) No, sorry! Just tell me later! Come on!

Carrie: (sighs exasperatedly)

(Back in the Reality TV Pros Cell, Owen has just finished using the bathroom. There are a couple empty rolls of toilet paper on the floor.)

Owen: Phew! (Flushes) That was a load off. (Noah is seen shivering from the bed) I wonder where it went. It went somewhere. (The knocks on the toilet revealing it to be a trapdoor) Trapdoor! Help me get it off! (Pulls on the toilet)

Noah: (goes wide eyed) N-NO! We're not going out the - (the wall behind him cracks and bursts open with Emma and Kitty coming out)

Emma: (coughs) What the hell? We bust into another cell again?

Noah: Emma!

Emma: Noah!

Noah: (blushes) Hi.

Emma: (blushes) Hey. 

Noah: Wait, did you say another cell again?

Kitty: Yeah, we accidentally broke into the gym rat’s cell and now they joined us.

Gabriella: (she and Nekota pop their heads out) Hey.

Nekota: Hey dudes. Have you guys found a way out?

Noah: Well........... (Owen throws the toilet pass them) 

Owen: (points to the hole in the ground) Okay, this way everyone! Down the tube to freedom!

Kitty: Eww! We’re going through a sewer?

Emma: Relax, the prison has been closed for years so no one's been using the toilets.

Owen: (whistles innocently) Well......

Gabriella: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me!

Nekota: (sighs) Which end? Digestive or urinary?

Owen: (smiles) The digestive end but it had the consistency of - (cut off)

Jordan: -We’re in! We’re still in 1st! (She and Fabian are at the 2nd don box and get the next tip) All-In. Craft a Raft.

(Don is seen riding the river with a raft the producers made)

Don: For today's second challenge, teams must create a raft and ride it down the Barawon River to today's Chill Zone. (He now stands on the Chill Zone next to a gazebo) Last team to stand on the Carpet of Completion may be eliminated.

Jordan: Start building.

Fabian: You sure? I’m not exactly Tim Allen on Home Improvement.

Jordan: Just gather the wood then hold it. I’ll do the rest. (Fabian runs off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: My uncle’s a carpenter and taught me everything he knows. Never thought it would come in handy outside of woodshop, same applies to woodshop.

(Back in the Cadets Cell, MacArthur has ripped apart and destroyed everything in the cell. Sanders just watches with concern.)

Sanders: (looks around) I don't see any tools to escape.

MacArthur: Escape? I wasn't trying to escape. I was just mad. You want escape? HERE! (She literally rips the cell window off the wall) After you.

Sanders: (smiles) Way to go MacArthur! Let's get those Ice Dancers! (They run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: You think that's cool? I can lift a boat! If I could kiss my own glutes I would. Wanna kiss them?  
\---> Sanders: I'm out. (She walks out)  
\---> MacArthur: Where are you going? My glutes aren't going to kiss themselves!

(In the sewers, the Sisters, gym rats, and Reality TV Pros walk through waste with their arms over their noses)

Kitty: This is so gross!

Nekota: The things you do for a million dollars.

Emma: (gags) This is the worst!

Owen: Well there could different reasons to why it smells bad here. Who's really to say what - (cut off)

Noah: (glares at him) Yeah. It's a real mystery. (He walks off with Nekota, Emma, and Kitty)

Owen: (he stays behind) Everybody defecates! There's even a book about it!

Gabriella: Everyone also suffers from depression from time to time but no one writes children’s books on that! Well except for Sylvia Plath. (Hears breathing) Huh?

Gabriella/Owen: (They turn to see a sewer gator reading a book and glaring at them) AUGHHHH! (They run off) Wait for us!

(Up ground Devin and Carrie are running)

Carrie: Can we slow down a little? What about the fashion bloggers?

Devin: They’ll be fine. There’s the don box.

(Back at the prison more teams are starting to break out)

Yves: (files off the last bar) Done.

Aaryn: (with stop watch) 15 seconds, that’s a new record.

Yves: Thanks. Now toss me the rope. (Aaryn tosses her the rope made from bedsheets. She ties it to one of the bars and throws it outside)

(Aaryn climbs the rope down outside and lands on the ground. Yves hangs onto the rope but uses her gymnast skills to perfectly land on the ground. They turn around to see May and Sam)

Aaryn: Hi guys.

Sam: Hi.

Yves: Did you guys also use the file then craft a rope out of the bedsheets?

May: Yeah. Having seen all the great prison drama films we had this. I was almost tempted to use my hair.

Yves: Oh, yeah I saw that on mythbusters too.

Sam: I think we should run now. (All of them run)

(Dani and Syd are running through the streets and run into two people. They are none other than Shawn and Jasmine)

Syd: You’re Shawn and Jasmine! (Shakes their hands) You don't know how cool it is to meet you both!

Shawn: Well this unexpected but I suppose it's nice to meet you as well.

Dani: (looks up at Jasmine) Oh my god you’re massive! What did your mother feed you?

Syd: Oh my god Mom, you can’t just ask people why they’re tall.

Jasmine: It’s all right mate, nice to meet you two. (Bends down to shake their hands) What are you doing here?

Dani: We’re on a show called “The ridonculous race” we just escaped from prison and now we have to go to the Barwon River.

Shawn: Is Chris hosting this show?

Syd: Thankfully no, a much nicer man named Don hosts this show.

Shawn: Looks like we were a good host short by just a season.

Syd: Hey what are you two doing here?

Jasmine: I wanted my family to meet my boyfriend.

Syd: Yeah how’s that going?

Shawn: Pretty great actually, we’re using my winnings to build a zombie proof shelter and give Jasmine her kickboxing gym/flower shop.

Syd: Well that’s good to know you’re still together. I’ve also got a boyfriend, his name’s Aaryn and he’s a model, I actually meet him on this race, isn’t that crazy?

Shawn: Yeah man.

(Suddenly the models and the anime nerds meet up with mother/son)

Yves: Oh my god it’s Shawn and Jasmine! The ultimate power couple!

Jasmine: Guess we are kind of famous now.

Aaryn: Hell yeah you are! I was so angry you got only 4th but hey, at least you won Shawn.

Shawn: I won both the money and the girl of my dreams.

Sam: As much as I’d love to play catch up with you all we have a race to not lose.

Dani: Right, (waves) bye guys.

Shawn/Jasmine: Bye. (Everyone runs off in their respective directions)

Jordan: (Paddling down the river) Come on man, if we keep this up we’ll get first place again! Twice in a row!

Fabian: (paddling) I’m paddling as fast as I can! (Paddles until he pulls his oar out of the water revealing a small crocodile has clamped on it) Uhh, dude?

Jordan: (turns to see the crocodile and gasps with fear) Dude it’s okay. Just let me nudge it off. (Tries to nudge it off his oar with her oar but the crocodile then bites onto Fabian’s left arm)

Fabian: AAAHH! JUVENILE CROCODILE! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! (Jordan uses her oar to smack it off his arm but to no avail.)

Devin: (he and Carrie row) Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! (They pass the animaniacs)

Don: (voice) As Jordan deals with a real croc of an obstacle, more teams break out of prison and begin to create their rafts and head out on the Barawon River.

(Syd/Dani, Emma/Kitty, Aaryn/Yves, Annie/Leo, June/Quince, Dwayne/Junior, Gabriella/Nekota, May/Sam, Owen/Noah, Tom/Jen, Geoff/Brody, Crimson/Ennui and Ryan/Stephanie begin making their rafts and sailing for the Chill Zone. By the Don Box, the Ice Dancers arrive)

Josee: (running) There’s the don bo-! (Trips and falls over a rock, falling face first into the mud. She gets up and here’s snickering. She turns around) Who laughed?!

MacArthur: I think it’s “whom” laughed. (Josee throws mud at her face) Oh, you messed with the wrong cadet.

Josee: (reaching into her pocket) Oh I’m going to enjoy this! (Pulls out the boomerang)

Sanders: (whips out her boomerang) Drop it.

Josee: No you drop it.

Sanders: Listen, neither of us want to go home today and if we boomerang each other...

Jacques: She’s right! This is a bad idea!

Josee: Fine! If you rip yours in half I’ll do the same!

MacArthur: Don’t listen to her she’s lying!

Josee: Don’t call me a liar you-

Sanders: Okay, on three we both tear up our boomerangs. One. Two. THREE! (Nothing happens)

MacArthur: I knew it!

Jacques: It’s a trap!

Josee: Thanks for that insight Ackbar! You lied to me!

Sanders: Wait! Wait! (MacArthur darts forward. Jacques follows suit. Josee and Sanders aim their boomerangs again)

Sanders/Josee: BOOMERANG! (Both MacArthur and Jacques fall down as though they’ve been shot)

Don: (voice) The Boomeranged teams are returned to the mother of all Geelong cells, The Black Hole. For the Ice Dancers and Cadets, the race for not last place begins. (The Ice Dancers and Cadets are locked in the Black Hole)

MacArthur: (she tries to attack Jacques and Josee but Sanders holds her back) Let me at em! Let me at em!

Sanders: MacArthur! Calm down! (She does so) Better.

Jacques: Perhaps a temporary truce is in order? Just until we’re free?

Sanders: We do need to work together to get out of here.

MacArthur: (sighs) Agreed. (To Sanders) Trapdoors, (To Josee) Tunnels, (To Jacques) Tools, (To herself) Bars. Go. (They nod and check the cell)

(At the end of the river, Carrie and Devin arrive near the Chill Zone.)

Devin: There’s the chill zone! (They reach the dock and run up to the chill zone)

Don: Congratulations on first place. Here’s your reward. (Hands them the phone, Devin takes it and starts to call Shelley but the phone keeps going to voicemail.)

Devin: Huh, she’s not picking up.

Don: You can try until you reach someone but when the last team crosses the finish line I get the phone back.

Carrie: Devin I really need to talk to you about something… (Devin ignores her and continues to call)

Jordan: (she and Fabian arrive) Did we win?

Don: No but second place is still good. (To Fabian) What happened to your arm?

Fabian: (holds up arm covered in bite marks) Juvenile crocodile.

Don: Medic.

(Back in the Black Hole, the Cadets and Ice Dancers look around. MacArthur knocks on the wall, Jacques looks under the tiles, Josee looks at a wall, and Sanders looks around. Sanders looks up and gasps.)

Sanders: (points up to a hole in the ceiling) Trapdoor! (They gather around) If we all climb on top of each other’s shoulders we can reach it. (They do so with Sanders, Josee, and Jacques getting up)

MacArthur: (to Jacques) Don’t double cross me.

Jacques: You don’t scare me.

MacArthur: If you do I will break all your bones, tie you into a knot, throw you off a cliff and into a river!

Jacques: Okay, that actually does. (Jacques grabs her and carries her up) 

Don: Here come some more teams! (Emma and Kitty arrive) Third! (Owen and Noah arrive) Fourth! (Gabriella and Nekota arrive) Fifth! (May and Sam arrive) Sixth! (Dwayne and Junior arrive) Seventh! (Yves and Aaryn arrive) Eighth! (Dani and Syd arrive) Ninth! (Annie and Leo arrive) Tenth! (June and Quince arrive) Eleventh! (Ryan and Stephanie arrive) Twelfth! (Crimson and Ennui arrive) Thirteenth! (Tom and Jen arrive) Fourteenth! (Geoff and Brody arrive) Fifteenth!

Don: With the two teams out of the Black Hole, the Cadets and Ice dancers head out to craft a raft and race to the Chill Zone.

(The Cadets and Ice dancers start building their rafts. Soon they race on their home made rafts down the Barwon River. The Cadets are in the lead and look determined.)

(At the chill zone Carrie watches Devin still trying to call Shelley)

Devin: Come on pick up.

(Tom and Jen walk over to Carrie)

Jen: You still haven’t told him?

Tom: What are you waiting for!? If you don’t do it now you might never get the chance to do it again!

Carrie: But he’s-

Devin: Ugh, voicemail again!

Tom: Act now think later!

Carrie: But he’s-

Jen: Carrie! (Arms around her) You can do this! Forget about Shelley! Forget about what everyone else thinks! Remember what we told you in the girl’s bathroom in Finland! You deserve this!

(Down the river the last two teams paddle vigorously)

Devin: Finally, hey Ashton. Can you get Shelley and put her on the phone? Thanks. (To Don) Ashton’s her tennis instructor he’ll get Shelley.

Tom/Jen: CARRIE!

Carrie: (shouts) DEVIN I LOVE YOU!

(Devin hears this and drops the phone with a bewildered look on his face. Everyone else at the chill zone, except the models, Annie, Kitty, May, & Jordan, is also shocked by this revelation and gasps loudly)

Devin: WHAT?!

Carrie: I love you! I’ve always loved you! I’ve loved you for the longest time but I’ve never had the courage to say it before. I remember many things growing up, like when you were so excited when the training wheels came off your bike, or the pride you showed when you wore your favorite shirt on backwards for a year, or how sad you were when we watched Sozin’s comet, or how elated you were when we saw Alan Menken in concert, but what I can’t remember is a time… (A bit solemn) when I didn’t love you! I’m sorry that it took me so long to say this but I had to do it before you got the chance to talk to Shelley again. I had to tell you how much I care about you and how much you mean to me. I hope this doesn’t change what we have together even if you feel different. (Jen hugs her and Tom gives her a thumbs up)

Devin: (Still shocked by what he just heard he slowly picks up the phone) Shelly! Hi. Wait what? What do you mean you thought we broke up? I thought when you said "If you go on that Race we're done" meant we would be done with the conversation. You're dating Ashton? Okay, bye I guess. (Hangs up)

Carrie: Are you okay?

Devin: I don’t know, I-I think I need some time to think. (Walks off all glum)

Tom: Are you okay?

Carrie: Yeah, but now I feel kind of awful. Is there a word that properly mixes happiness and sadness?

May: Bittersweet?

Sam: Ambivalent?

Jordan: Melancholia?

Fabian: Sappiness?

Don: With that bombshell out of the way our last two teams are neck and neck. Who will come out on top? (The Ice dancers and the cadets rapidly approach the dock. Then at the last moment, Josee uses her oar to smack the cadets off their raft. The ice dancers run up the ramp, and make it to the chill zone.) Sixteenth place to the ice dancers! (They cheer)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: We’re not cheering for our ranking. 16th place is shameful and disgusting.  
\---> Jacques: But knocking the police cadets out is something worth celebrating

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: (Sadly) Sometimes the bad guys win.  
\---> MacArthur: (trying not to cry) It’s been great racing with you and…  
\---> Sanders: Are you crying?  
\---> MacArthur: One tear isn’t crying.

Don: (the cadets arrive all glum) Sanders, Macarthur I’m so sad, you are a great duo. And I wish you nothing but the best… In the next round because this is a non-elimination!

(The cadets cheer and hug each other)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: We just got to put this one thing behind us and focus on winning.  
\---> MacArthur: Winning and making those ice dancers pay.  
\---> Sanders: I can get on with that.

Don: A close call for the cadets, and with Carrie’s crush out in the open God only knows what will happen next.But since you're not it please tune in next time for THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Behold my (arguably) biggest change from canon. Carrie confessed her love to Devin right as his girlfriend broke up with him! This will really affect their relationship in the upcoming chapters. Just like in canon it came down to the ice dancers and the cadets for the last spot in the race but the cadets stick around, now they have a very real motivation to beat Jacques and Josee. Leo and June still can't seem the spit it out but this will come to ahead soon. Also included in this chapter are 3 glorious cameos by former TD competitors, not to mention a little 4th wall breaking humor. Favorite part this episode: As cruel as it is it's when Jordan and Fabian have their 1st place hopes eaten by a crocodile. 
> 
> Current Rankings:  
> Devin & Carrie (1st Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (2nd Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (3rd Place)  
> Owen & Noah (4th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (5th Place)  
> Sam & May (6th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th Place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (8th Place)  
> Dani & Syd (9th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (10th Place)  
> June & Quince (11th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (12th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (13th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (14th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (15th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (16th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (17th Place)
> 
> Final Placements:  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th place)  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th Place)  
> Laurie & Miles (21st Place)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	17. Down & Outback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teams continue their adventure in the land down under, learn that catching rabbits is no picnic and one team gets a new member

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams were put in the big house. Fabian learned why you should never smile at a crocodile, the Cadets and Ice Dancers boomeranged each other, and Leo and June’s relationship still can’t seem to get off the ground. In the end, the Ice Dancers barely avoided elimination and when it seemed like the cadets would go home they were saved by a non-elimination round. Also Carrie finally confessed her feelings for Devin and immediately after, his girlfriend broke up with him. Man what a clusterf&%#*! (He's standing now in front of a farm in the Outback) Now that we're in the Outback, what kind of drama will unfold? Find out right here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return back to Don in the Outback. There's a farm and a house behind him. The teams all stand behind him and a Don Box is set near them.)

Don: Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race. We’re still in Australia and the best friends are the first team to grab a tip. (Carrie and Devin approach the don box)

Carrie: Maybe you should grab the tip? Maybe it will help you feel better?

Devin: (Awkwardly) Uh, sure.

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: Ever since I told Devin about my crush on him, and then Shelley dumped him over the phone, he’s been a little distant. I’ve been giving him some space so he can sort everything out, but I’m worried we’ll be cut from the race next because we can’t work together as well as we normally do. And most of all, I’m worried I might lose the friend I’ve had since I was four. And I really don’t want to lose him.

Devin: (grabs the tip and reads it) It's an All-In. Bunny Bagging. I hope that’s not something sexual.

(Don stands in the middle of a cabbage field surrounded by bunnies who are eating the crops. A farmer is seen running with a pitchfork trying to chase the bunnies away.)

Don: Thankfully it’s not, it’s just bunnies. These fluffy creatures may seem cute but they're actually thieving lagomorphs to Australian farmers. The Aussies put up fences but they still manage to get in. (The farmer stops and begins to pant from exhaustion) Teams must collect ten bunnies in a sack and give them to this jolly fellow where he'll give them their next tip. And as an added bonus, located somewhere on this farm is an albino bunny. Whichever team finds it can skip this challenge and go straight to the next one.

(The teams all stand in front of the farm watching as the bunnies roam freely) 

Geoff: Let's save this farm!

Everyone: YEAH! (They cheer as they run after the bunnies and past the farmer. They continuously step on all the cabbages as they run pissing off the farmer. Brody pulls out two cabbages and goes up to the farmer.)

Farmer: My cabbages!

Brody: (using the cabbage as bait) Here Albino! (To the farmer) Don't worry dude, we got this. (He accidentally crushes the cabbages. The farmer crosses his arms and glares at him) Sorry man.

Jacques: (grabs one) HA! Got one! (The bunny begins to kick him in the face) AUGHHH! Josee! A little help?!

Josee: (rolls her eyes) You're doing fine Jacques. (Notices the cadets glaring) Huh?

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: They boomeranged us.  
\---> Jacques: Well we boomeranged them.  
\---> Josee: I don’t care I want revenge! Winning is no longer enough. I need to be the one that makes them leave. (Slams fist down in anger)  
\---> Jacques: I think winning is enough.  
\---> Josee: WELL YOU’RE WRONG!!! (Yells in his face causing him to fall off his chair)

Josee: (To Ennui) Hey… man. Can I borrow your make up?

Ennui: Don’t act like you’re being friendly, it’s disgusting. But I will give some to you if you’ll tell me where you got that unitard. (Josee smirks)

Yves: (She and Aaryn have bunnies running all around them but can’t catch a single one) Okay what’s the plan? Cause I’m seriously stumped.

Aaryn: If only I had a shotgun.

Yves: I think we need to capture them alive.

Aaryn: Killjoy.

Ryan: (one bunny pops out and he tries to grab it) I got you! (He sticks both hands down two holes but the rabbit pops up in between them. He then slams his face into the ground and picks it up by his teeth) Yes!

Stephanie: (sarcastically) Wow, strong man caught a bunny. Impressive. (Opens the sack and Ryan drops it in)

Ryan: Only two? There’s got to be more around here.

Stephanie: I’ll go look. You can come join me when you’re done playing in the dirt.

Junior: (he and Dwayne look for bunnies) I wonder where they all are?

Dwayne: (gasps and points) There! (In the distance there's a bunny eating cabbage) I got this one! (He starts running for it)

Junior: (cheers) Alright! Go dad! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: He said "Go Dad"! (Chuckles) I am so the Dwayne-Man.

Dwayne: (running for the bunny) Almost got it...... (He accidentally steps in a rabbit hole and twists his ankle) AUGHHH! MY ANKLE!

Junior: (runs up to him) Are you okay dad?!

Dwayne: (nervously smiles) Y-yeah, I'm fine son. Just a lot of pain is all. (Junior looks worried) Besides, I still have my other ankle so we should be good. (He tries grabbing the rabbit again but his ankle gets stick in another hole and twists his other ankle) AUGHHHHH!!! MY OTHER ANKLE! (Junior cringes)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: (Dwayne is seen still stuck in the holes behind him) Just our luck. My dad twists both of his ankles before we even get any rabbits. Even worse, Carrie loves Devin! Why didn’t I tell her my feelings when I had the chance?!

Junior: (goes up to his dad) Hey dad, I'm going to search a little farther out for bunnies. You stay here and I'll be right back.

Dwayne: Well, I feel like the best thing we should do is - (Junior runs off) Split up? (Sighs as he looks to a bunny next to him) At least I still have you. (The bunny takes of as Dwayne groans)

Gabriella: Man Dwayne doesn’t appear to be having good luck today. (Eyes a rabbit heading for a burrow and goes for it) Got one! (Puts it in her team’s sack)

Nekota: (He sees a pair of brown ears in a bush) I got this one. (He grabs the animal out of the bush and it's revealed to be a baby kangaroo. It glares at Nekota.) Uhh........

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: Once I realized I grabbed a joey I did the most reasonable and smart thing. I mean I’m not Lindsay.

Nekota: (Lets it go) Go on little one, go back to your mother. (The joey gets angry and stars to paw at his legs trying to bring him down. Nekota picks him back up) Listen little one, I’m bigger and stronger than you but even I know if I try to hurt you I’ll only get bitch slapped by your mom so just save us both the trouble and leave me be. (Puts it down then pushes it away from him and goes off searching elsewhere)

Ennui: (The camera cuts over to him showing him covered in snuggling rabbits) Crimson it’s happening again.

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: Cute and fluffy animals love Ennui. It’s adorable. And we hate everything adorable.  
\---> Ennui: I don’t want to talk about it.

Ennui: (pries one of the rabbits off his body and puts it in the sack) Your affection revolts me.

(Elsewhere Leo is trying unsuccessfully to nab bunnies while Annie just stands looking a bit angry)

Leo: Annie this is an all-in. We both need to do this.

Annie: (crosses arms) I’m not helping.

Leo: Why not?

Annie: I’m not stupid. I know what will happen to these rabbits once they get captured and I can’t be directly responsible for the deaths of animals.

Leo: Annie come on, you wanna lose just so you can stick to your principals and make a statement? Hell even June’s doing it! (Camera shows that June is grabbing rabbits as Quince lures them by playing a didgeridoo) Use your animal magnetism.

Annie: (A bit sad and sits down in a huff) I don’t wanna! I can’t stand to be responsible for helping innocent creatures get hurt!

Fabian: (off-screen) You do realize they’re an invasive pest here right?

Annie: What?

Fabian: (He and Jordan go up to her) Yeah in Australia the rabbit is an invasive species. The Spanish rabbit was first brought here in 1859, when 24 rabbits where released, within just 6 years they’d multiplied to 22 million, and because the colonists didn’t release their natural predators to control the population they reproduced without a problem. This plague became known as “The grey blanket” and transformed acres of grassland into dustbowls. A fence 2000 kilometers long was built to stop their march across the continent but the rabbits just dug right through it. The effect on the ecology of the land was devastating. 1/8 of all native mammalian species became extinct and rabbits where the single most significant factor.

Annie: Really? Well I still don’t know if I can do this.

Fabian: You want to help animals right? Well by getting rid of these pests you’d be saving a lot native animals that can’t be replaced or found anywhere else. The rabbit is plentiful but the koala isn’t.

Jordan: Mr. Spock said “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”

Annie: (Ponders for a moment then stands up) You’re right! I can’t let native species suffer just to make a statement. (Starts vocalizing and rabbits swarm to her. Leo starts putting them in the sack)

Jordan: This is weird. Let’s leave.

Fabian: Yeah we got our own way. (Notices a rabbit and chases it down like a fox would. He grabs it with his mouth then puts it in his teams sack) That’s another one.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: Fabian’s got a thing for foxes.  
\---> Fabian: (Giddy) They’re my favorite animal.  
\---> Jordan: Once for an art project he stripped down, painted himself like a fox, attached some fake ears and tail and lived as one for 5 days. Making all the noises and movements a fox would. He even ate like a fox, dog food, cat food, blueberries, apples, and plums.  
\---> Fabian: Hey it was fun. And I got an A.  
\---> Jordan: He’s just going about hunting these things like a fox would. Chasing them down and then getting them by the neck and putting them in the sack. I know it sounds weird but out of three rabbits chased down he’s gotten all three.

Don: (voice) After an hour of searching, teams still have not reached the ten bunny goal to receive their next tip. Wow, and to think I gave them a freebie. Losers.

(Over by the cadets Josee is about to set forth her plan. She holds up one of their bunnies)

Jacques: Explain to me again how giving up one of our bunnies will stop the cadets from interfering.

Josee: (applies white makeup to the rabbit) Watch and see.

Sanders: (smiles) We're making good time.

MacArthur: (Sees the white rabbit) The albino! I'll go after it! You stay here and don't move. (She chases it and Sanders goes after her)

Sanders: Wait! We’ve got more than enough! (She drops the bag)

Josee: (she and Jacques walk up to the cadets bag and smirks) Oh look. We got all our rabbits.

Jacques: Wonderful! (They laugh as they grab the bag)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Those two were so easy to trick!   
\---> Jacques: Maybe should be tricking the other teams more often.  
\---> Josee: Told you!  
\---> Josee/Jacques: (They begins to laugh hysterically) LOSERS!

 

Don: (voice) As our Ice Dancers steal the lead, more teams find unique ways to snatch bunnies. Some good.

(Owen is seen farting on a group of bunnies who pass out. He gives the thumbs up to Emma, Noah, and Kitty. They gag from the smell.)

Don: (voice) And some better. (May and Sam are using Womba Pythons to catch rabbits)

Sam: Are you sure this is safe?

May: (holding snake with a rabbit in his mouth) Of course. It’s still early enough in the morning that these things haven’t gotten all the sunlight they need to strike at us, they’d rather waste their energy on something meaningful like prey. (Grabs the rabbit from the snakes mouth and puts it in the sack) And since when did you care about safety anyway?

Sam: Good point. (Sticks his snake down a rabbit hole)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: Now be weary what I’m doing is incredibly dangerous even though these are non-venomous snakes. I’m crazy and I’ve worked with snakes before.  
\---> Sam: It’s true. She once even kissed a cobra before.  
\---> May: I’m the medusa, he was my servant.

(Devin snatches two bunnies by the ears)

Devin: Got two more.

Carrie: (Opens the sack and Devin puts them in) Great job Devin! We’ll have ten in no time. We really make a great team.

Devin: (coy) I guess so. (Averts his gaze and runs off)

(Tom walks up to Carrie with a rabbit in one hand his teams’ sack in the other)

Carrie: (sighs) This isn’t going at all like I thought it would.

Tom: Now don’t get upset my pet, I’m sure it’s just a phase. Haven’t you and Devin had relationship problems before?

Carrie: Well yeah, every pair of friends does have problems at one point, but Devin’s never shut me out like this before. It’s really awkward between us.

Tom: Well Devin probably just doesn’t know how to talk to you now that he knows your big secret.

Carrie: I know, what do I do?

Tom: Jen and I had this similar problem once. As our blog increased in popularity, we discovered how much more difficult it was to handle it.

Carrie: How’d you deal with that?

Tom: We trusted that we knew what the other was doing. We knew that if we tried to interfere with what each other was doing, we’d only be hurting ourselves and the blog. You need to trust that Devin will figure things out. Don’t interfere, or he’ll just push you further away.

Carrie: I never thought of it that way.

Tom: Like our blog, your relationship with Devin is special. You can’t let one little change ruin the whole thing. You’ll make it work.

Carrie: You know what? You’re right. Thanks Tom. (Runs off to meet with Devin)

Tom: You’re welcome! (Runs off to meet with Jen)

Jen: (sneaking up on a bunny) Come on, little guy. Jen won’t hurt you. (Hops away from her.) Hey wait! (She runs after it but her heel gets stuck in a rabbit hole.) Ah! My ankle, I think I sprained it!

Nekota: (Is seen looking for another rabbit and notices some rustling in a bush. Jokingly) Okay little guy, come here and do your worst. (From out of the bush pops a kangaroo. Nekota looks visibly flustered. Out of the pouch pops the Joey he grabbed earlier, growling at him.) O hi, I see you brought your mom.

Gabriella: (Walks up with their sack) Hey man what’s holding you up? We’re almost done and… (Looks up to see the mad marsupial. Sheepishly) Oh, that is. (Drops the sack and turns to Nekota) RUN! (They both run screaming as the kangaroo chases them)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: Hey we may act like we’ll take on anything but even we know not to tassel with a kangaroo!  
\---> Nekota: Yeah, we’re not drunk Jersians!

(The farmer drives a tractor and notices the gym rats running away from the kangaroo in fear. He stops to question what he just saw. Then Josee’s white bunny hops past his path and MacArthur pushes him off to take over)

MacArthur: Police emergency, I’m appropriating this vehicle! (Shows him her badge then drives off after the bunny) Your crop destroying days are over! (Wrecks multiple crops as she drives over them)

(The rabbit hops under the fence and MacArthur drives right through. The chase spills over to a cornfield and the rabbit bounds through the stalks while MacArthur steamrolls them. At the end of the field there’s a gas tank and the rabbit hops past it. MacArthur slams the breaks, and the tractor slows down, barely coming to a stop next to the gas tank. It lightly taps the tank. MacArthur sighs in relief, and then it blows up. Out of the flames MacArthur, covered in soot and ash, drives the tractor and continues to follow the rabbit. The gap between the two gets smaller and MacArthur takes the time to notice the kangaroo still chasing the gym rats. At a dock next to a lake, the rabbit realizes it’s hit a dead end. It turns around and sees the tractor is now just feet from it.)

MacArthur: Well, well, well look what’s up on this dock. (The rabbit motions for her to look behind her) Yeah, like I’m gonna fall for that old- ugh! (The kangaroo chasing the gym rats hops on top of her as the gym rats dive into the water and swim away trying to give it the slip. This weight causes MacArthur to press the gas pedal and the tractor lurches forward. The rabbit dives into the lake while the tractor drives straight off the dock and into the lake.)

Geoff: (Holding his team’s bag) Nice we’ve got all our rabbits! (The ice dancers speak up)

Josee: Hey did you see that tractor take a dive?

Jacques: Oui, I wonder who was driving?

Josee: I think MacArthur was.

Jacques: So that’s why I heard her scream “Help me Brody”

Brody: MacArthur’s in trouble? I’m coming babe! (Runs off)

Geoff: Dude wait up! (He leaves taking the sack with him. Josee glares at this)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: They didn’t leave the sack! The one thing they had to do and they still screw it up!  
\---> Jacques: Well I didn’t expect anything less of them.

(Leo and Annie are seen running to the farmer to get their next tip)

Leo: Yes! We’re in the lead! (To his sister) Hey, I can’t imagine that was easy for you but good job. You’re helping preserve Australia.

Annie: (smiles) Thanks man. That really means a lot to know I’m doing something for the greater good.

Leo: No problem. Now let’s get these things turned over and – (Runs into someone) Hey watch where you’re going you fool! (Looks to see that person was June) Oh sorry I didn’t notice it was you. (Helps her up)

June: Thanks. (Sees his bag) So you got all you rabbits? Well, we still need two more.

Leo: Good for you, hope to see you at the chill zone. (They both don’t move and just sit around awkwardly. Their partners see this and get fed up with it.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: If we’re goanna get these two together we need to do something!  
\---> Quince: Agreed! Let’s just cut the thread as it stands.

Leo: (stares awkwardly until he sees his sister give motions that equate to “Get on with it!”) So… come here often? (Annie looks into the camera like she’s at The Office) No wait! Ugh!

June: Leo stop. I’m gonna shoot straight. Do you like me?

Leo: Well I find you very interesting and a great competitor and- (gets cut off)

June: I mean do you like me as a girlfriend?

Leo: Well what do you really mean by that? I mean do you- (Gets cut off)

June: (agitated) Do you want to date me?!

Leo: (sheepish) Do you want to date me?

June: Don’t tip toe around the question, I do that!

Leo: Well maybe… if…. under the right circumstances…

June: STOP! You’ve said enough! It was stupid of me to think anyone loves me. (Runs off a bit heartbroken but Leo grabs her by the hand)

Leo: WAIT!!

June: (Teary eyed) WHAT?!

Leo: I do love you June! I seriously want to date you, it’s just that… (Starts to tear up)

June: It’s just what?!

Leo: I have trouble giving my heart to others ever since my parents!

June: What do you mean?!

Leo: (trying not to fall apart) When I was 6 and Annie was 4 our lives sort of changed forever. My mom found out my dad was having an affair and he found out she was paying for a male escort service. When they confronted each other she assaulted him, it spilled out of the house and into the street where the entire neighborhood bore witness to it, it even got on COPS! When police broke them up my dad left us in a huff. During the divorce proceedings my mom was declared unfit to raise children and we we’re signed over to our grandparents. While I love them dearly just seeing my parents’ marriage break down before my eyes when I thought they were the perfect couple was just so... (Tears up) so…. (Tears up more) so…. (Tears up more) I just thought if they couldn’t make it then what hope is there for me? I just don’t believe in true love, I think most love is a sham! And I let my beliefs get in the way of you and you’re probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me! (Starts to cry) I’m so sorry!

June: (kneels to him) Look at me. Look at me! LOOK AT ME! (He finally looks up, eyes all red and nose running) I know what it’s like to lose faith in your parents. All my childhood my mother kept telling me what to do, and she always told me “I could always do better.” Nothing was ever good enough for her and eventually I just got fed up and… I left! I just straight up ran away from home! I spent a month with cousins until they finally put her on the phone and I told her I was sick of her BS and without her I was genuinely having fun in school and my activities while still being at the top of the class. Then we didn’t speak for a week. Then when she called me again she apologized and we worked out an agreement. I could stay with my cousins so long as I maintained my grades and she’d drop in once a month for us to catch up on life and see how things were going. Nowadays I get along so much better with her. I know what it’s like to feel down in the dumps and hopeless but look at where you are now. (Gestures to his sister and the outback) You’re still in this game and you’re in Australia! Do you know how many people would give their right hand to be here right now? You’re amazing! Hell I think you’re amazing!

Leo: You think I’m amazing? (June nods) You’re right. I can’t let the weight of past prohibit me from developing new relationships. (Takes her hand) Would you wanna be my girlfriend?

June: Yes! (They gaze lovingly until Annie cuts in between them)

Annie: Not to be a buzzkill but Leo, we’ve got another tip to get.

Leo: Oh right. (They run off but he turns back for a brief moment) Bye! And good luck!

June: Thanks man! (Waves as Quince approaches her)

Quince: Well, it looks like you’re finally in a relationship now.

June: Did I tell you to laze around? We got a challenge to win!

Quince: Ma’am yes ma’am! (They run off to get their last rabbits)

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: Well now that June is happy I can start on working my own magic with Annie.

(Crimson tosses multiple bunnies stuck on Ennui into the sack. Dwayne is seen using vegetables as bait, the bunnies bite one of his legs. He cringes is pain while Junior looks worried. Yves and Aaryn chase rabbits until they accidentally collide with each other.)

Crimson: (she drops her team’s bag off after the siblings get their tip) Here you go. (The farmer gives her the tip) Thanks. (They walk) I hope I never see those lame fluffy cotton balls ever again.

Ennui: Still, I can’t believe they decimated an entire continent. They’re weird. (Realizing something) They’re like a plague, a happy, hopping wave of death. (Out of the bag one bunny pops its head. Its black and grey. It smiles at them. Ennui ponders for a moment what to do.)

Josee: (she drops the bag of bunnies) Okay here are our ten bunnies. Now tip us. (The farmer gives them a tip)

Jacques: (reads) Glide a sunder from the great down under?

(Don is see standing on a runway with twelve gliding jets provided for each team)

Don: That's right. Teams must take one of these jets and fly away from Australia and all the way to out Chill Zone in New Zealand's Aspiring Mountain. (He stands on the Chill Zone in New Zealand and talks into his ear piece.) Are you sure they'll know there's a New Zealand? (He gets a response and smiles) Okay good. They will. (Talks to his earpiece) Hey while I still got you on, where’s Old Zealand?

(Josee and Jacques' glider is hooked as their glider closes. An intern operates a machine that gets them flying in the air. They looks nervous as they take off.)

(Carrie is seen tending to Jen’s sprained ankle)

Jen: I can’t thank you enough for this. But at the same time I feel guilty, shouldn’t you be focusing on the challenge?

Carrie: No really it’s fine. A friend in need is a friend indeed. And besides I think it would be better for Devin if he does this by himself. (Aaryn crawls on the ground next to her) Oh hi Aaryn.

Aaryn: Can’t talk, have to find rabbits.

Jen: Are you and Yves doing okay?

Aaryn: Not really. We’ve only gotten 4 rabbits and that’s from trying our hardest.

Carrie: Hey where are Syd and his mom? Aren’t you working with them?

Aaryn: I’m sure he’s fine.

(Elsewhere Dani is seen pulling her son’s head out of a rabbit hole)

Dani: Just relax honey. I’ve got this, it’s not the first time I’ve had to pull someone out of a hole in the ground.

(Confessional)  
\---> Syd: (embarrassed) Don’t ask. Seriously. Just don’t ask.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: Don’t ask me either.

(The gym rats climb out of the lake)

Gabriella: You think we lost it?

Nekota: Yeah, I think so. (Finds their bag is empty) Let’s double time it man! (They run off in search of rabbits)

Aaryn: (running to Yves) I’ve got one! (Holds up a Bilby)

Yves: I don’t think that’s a rabbit.

Aaryn: Well then what the hell is it?

Fabian: Bilby. (Holding rabbits in his hand)

The models: A What?

Fabian: Bilbies are native marsupials to Australia. They’re a burrowing type omnivore. There’s actually a petition to replace rabbits with bilbies as the Easter mascots down here.

Yves: So it’s not even related to the rabbit?

Fabian: Nope. (Looks down at his rabbits) Listen here’s one on me. (Gives one to them)

Yves: We can’t take this it’s yours.

Fabian: Well okay then i guess I'll just- oops! (throws it at them and Aaryn catches it) Oh look you've caught a rabbit. 

Aaryn: Huh, I guess we did. 

Fabian: Now you all be thankful for that one I've got to get more. (Eyes one running across the ground then chases it like a fox. He tosses the other rabbit to Jordan. The models seem confused)

(Confessional)  
\---> Yves: Well that was…  
\---> Aaryn: Something to say the least.

(May and Sam make their way to where Carrie and Jen are)

May: Hey girls, taking a break?

Jen: I sprained my ankle and Carrie’s helping me out.

Carrie: I’ll always help a friend in need.

May: That’s so sweet of you. (Notices they’re alone) Where are your partners?

Jen: Bagging bunnies. I think they’ll be fine by themselves.

Sam: Hey Carrie is Devin doing okay?

Carrie: He’s a little distant from me but he seems fine. Why do you ask?

Sam: Well considering he got dumped yesterday he should be moping.

Carrie: What do you mean? (Aaryn arrives with a rabbit in his hands)

Aaryn: He’s talking about the Six Stages of Grief. People experience them when they fall into extreme grief. It usually goes shock, denial, anger, bargaining, despair, and acceptance but I guess your declaration of love beforehand caused such a clusterf%$# to his mind he can’t process his feelings straight.

Carrie: I broke him?! (Runs off sad)

Aaryn: Did I shoot too straight?

May/Sam/Jen: Totally/ Yep/ (sarcastically) No. (The daters watched all this unfold)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Man, I know Devin got dumped yesterday but I think she’s taking it worse. Why do people even let break ups affect them, just forget it and move on.  
\---> Ryan: Get over and get on.  
\---> Stephanie: I said that already.  
\---> Ryan: Well I said it better.

(MacArthur emerges from the shore of the lake. Sanders, Brody, and Geoff arrive. Geoff still has the bag of rabbits in his hand.)

Brody: You’re alive!

Sanders: You can’t just leave me like that. I lost all the other rabbits.

Macarthur: Who cares? I got the ringleader! (Holds up the “albino” rabbit. The powder washes off. Everyone gasps) IT WAS A FAKE?!

Brody: Whoa... the bunny was faking it? Bad bunny!

MacArthur: Relax, the bunny didn’t do this. But I think I know who did. (She glares at the thought of the Ice Dancers)

(In New Zealand, Don stands on the Chill Zone waiting for the teams to arrive. The Ice Dancers run and step on the Carpet of Completion)

Don: (smiles) Congrats Ice Dancers. (They cheer) You're getting a thirty minute penalty. (A big red 30:00 appears above their head)

Josee: WHAT?!

Jacques: Why?!

Don: (glares) Do I even need to mention the fact that you led the cadets on a wild goose chase and then stole some of their bunnies!? I really thought you two could win this show based on skill and good sportsmanship. Sit over there wait out your time. (They roll their eyes as the timer runs)

Don: (voice) With first place still up for grabs, more teams bring in their bags of bunnies while some soar in the air on their way to New Zealand.

(Dwayne/Junior, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, Jordan/Fabian, Sam/May, and Dani/Syd bring in their completed bags to the farmer. He smiles and gives them all tips.)

June: (giving her rabbits to the man) Let’s jet. Or glide more like it. (They run off)

Stephanie: (Sees the Julliard Students run off) Well, there they go and we still only have two bunnies.

Ryan: (looks in the bag) Uh, Steph? Look (They peer inside and the two rabbits have mated and had eight babies)

(Confessional)   
\---> Stephanie: They were so cute.  
\---> Ryan: You were cuter. (Stephanie blushes)

(In the air, the Goths and siblings fly their gliders)

Don: (voice) Some talk strategy.

Leo: (Still crying while Annie drives)

(Confessional)   
\---> Annie: Leo still felt like he needed to cry after he and June became a couple so I let him cry it out while I drove. It’s important for men to know that it’s okay to cry, but don’t operate anything that could kill you while crying. That’s just common knowledge.

Don: (voice) While another team seems to have a new addition. (Crimson drives while Ennui holds the same rabbit from before but with gothic make up and a pessimistic look on its face)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: This is Loki, we named him after the Norse god of destruction because he destroys lives.  
\---> Ennui: He’s also super low key, which works well for us. (Loki snarls)

(Back in Australia Gabriella and Nekota are feverishly chasing rabbits. Gabriella grabs a new one)

Gabriella: Yes! That’s another one! Only two left! (Eyes another rabbit and dives for it. Leaving the bag behind. She chases it viciously until Nekota stops her. She quickly breaks free and dives for the rabbit)

Nekota: What are you doing? You just lost all our rabbits! Again!

(Gabriella reveals she grabbed the albino)

Gabriella: Who cares? I got the one we need! We’re still in it! (Don approaches them)

Don: Congratulations. You can grab the zip-it ticket from the farmer and come meet me at the chill zone.

Gabriella: YES!! (They run off)

Don: While they run off, more teams get their tips and start gliding. But one team makes it to the chill zone first. (Back in New Zealand the goths arrive at the chill zone and Don greats them)

Don: (smiles while the Ice Dancers glare) Congratulations! You guys are in first place! (Sees Loki) What in hells green name is that?! (Loki growls at him)

Crimson: Loki, he’s our new pet.

Don: Guess you CAN make a rabbit scary. Anyway for coming in first this leg, you win a free trip to the Australia zoo in Queensland. No doubt you’ll love all the deadly reptiles there. (Notices the siblings have arrived) In less scary news Annie and Leo take second. (Notices Leo’s bloodshot eyes) Is he okay?

Annie: Yeah he’s fine he just got a new girlfriend. (Don looks to the camera puzzled)

Don: That doesn’t make sense but okay. (They move off to the side as the gym rats walk to the chillzone next, having ridden with Don to New Zealand) Gym rats take 3rd. (They hug)

Gabriella: That’s our best placement yet, (sees the ice dancers) and we placed ahead of Jacques and Josee again.

Nekota: (to the ice dancers) Didn’t you learn that cheaters never prosper? (They walk off as the ice dancers look on bitterly)

(Back in Australia more teams get ready to use their gliders. Father/son are about to get in)

Junior: Really? You’ll let me drive?

Dwayne: Sure why not. But don’t tell your mother.

Junior: AWESOME! (They get in)

Kitty: This is so cool! (Takes a selfie of her in the pilot seat and Emma in the passenger seat)

Emma: Only you can get excited about flying something this crazy. (They take off)

Don: Teams start flying but three teams are lagging FAR behind. (The surfers and the cadets are seen running until they see the models)

Sanders: Are you the only team left?

Aaryn: Yeah and we only need one more rabbit.

Yves: And he keeps evading our grasp. (Notices one rabbit and tries to grab it but it slips out of her hands and starts to burrow) Dammit.

Macarthur: Damn those ice dancers!

Brody: Hey why don’t you use some of our bunnies? (The farmer is shown shaking his head) What do you mean we can’t share bunnies?

Geoff: Well here. (Gives their sack to the cadets and the models) Take ours, we can easily bag ten more.

MacArthur: Sweet, thanks man. (Reaches to take it but Sanders stops her)

Sanders: Wait, if we take their bunnies Don might penalize us for not being the ones who caught them. (To the surfers) Sorry, thanks for the offer but we can’t take any chances.

Yves: Ditto.

Brody: Well if you feel that way then okay. (Gives his team’s sack to the farmer and gets the tip) Good luck MacArthur! (They run off)

Aaryn: (To the cadets) Please tell me you have a plan.

MacArthur: (determined) I always have a plan!

(Some rabbits are shown innocuously eating vegetables until MacArthur shows up in a suit made of vegetables.)

MacArthur: Let’s do this! (All of the rabbits attack her, or rather start eating her costume. The models and Sanders are at a loss for words)

(Confessional)  
\---> Yves: Sanders is very lucky. I don’t know many other people that would willingly sacrifice themselves like that.  
\---> Aaryn: I know! She’s so metal!

MacArthur: (stumbles over to the farmer with rabbits all around her) These are for my team and the models.

Yves: (takes the tip) Let’s high tail it people!

Don: As the stragglers finally leave, more teams arrive at the Chill Zone. (Stephanie/Ryan, Dwayne/Junior, Jordan/Fabian and May/Sam are seen smiling at the Chill Zone) Others are still in the air. (Carrie/Devin, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, Tom/Jen, Dani/Syd, Geoff/Brody and June/Quince are seen flying their gliders in the air) And we also have our penalized Ice Dancers. (Josee and Jacques glare as the still have 17:25 on their penalty) 

(In the glider containing mother/son, Dani steers while Syd sits in the back worryingly)

Dani: Is something the matter Syd?

Syd: I didn’t see Aaryn at the gliders, what if he’s still back at the farm?

Dani: Have a little faith sweetie, those two can be quick when they need to.

(In the surfers glider Brody starts fidgeting while Geoff sits in the back)

Brody: Aw man, I’m worried about MacArthur. I really hope she makes it to the chill zone in time.

Geoff: Dude chillax. The cadets are righteous and so are the models, no doubt they’ll make it to the chill zone in time. And even if they don’t, this is a game. Whatever happens, happens. That’s how these things work.

Brody: You’re right maybe I should just go with the flow.

(Elsewhere, Carrie and Devin fly their glider)

Devin: (smiles) Wow! What a beautiful day for a glide.

Carrie: (smiles) I know. Are you feeling better?

Devin: Yeah a little bit. (They both say nothing as Devin continues to steer. Suddenly a flock of geese fly by their glider. In a panic Devin steers downwards way too fast.)

Carrie: (holds on) NOOOOOOO! (They fall)

(Underneath them, Noah and Owen fly their glider.)

Owen: (he farts inside the glider causing Noah to gag and he smiles) Wasn't me.

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: When I hold it in I get all sweaty. (Laughs)  
\---> Noah: Yeah, I'm done. (He walks out of the confessional)  
\---> Owen: Wait, where are you going? What? That doesn't happen to you?

(Underneath them, Emma and Kitty fly their glider)

Kitty: (hears screaming) You hear something?

Emma: (she looks up and smiles) NOAH! (Carrie/Devin and Owen/Noah crash into the Sisters glider and all three teams fall)

(All three teams are see coming out of the wreckage of the gliders.)

Owen: Is everyone alive?!

Devin: (gets up) We're good.

Kitty: Same here.

Noah: (sees Emma) I may have brushed death but I'm still looking at an angel.

Emma: (blushes) Oh Noah.

Carrie: (covers her nose) Eww! What stinks?

Owen: (everyone stares at him) Uhhhh...... (Points to the Chill Zone) Look! The Chill Zone! (They all run for the Chill Zone.)

Don: (Carrie/Devin, Owen/Noah, and Emma/Kitty cross the Chill Zone) 8th! (To Devin and Carrie) 9th! (To Owen and Noah) 10th! (To Emma and Kitty) I wonder how our stragglers are doing.

(We cut to Yves and Aaryn safely gliding. Aaryn drives while Yves sits in the back.)

Yves: Yes, I think we’re gonna barely make it!

Aaryn: Even if we have to beat them I still think we should thank the cadets for helping us get that last rabbit.

(In the cadet’s glider MacArthur drives while Sanders sits in the back)

MacArthur: Hey thanks for letting me take the wheel. You doing fine back there?

Sanders: Yeah, I mean it’s not like I had any choice but you do what you do best. Just promise me you won’t do anything rash.

MacArthur: I promise. (Looks down) There's the Chill Zone! Hold on! (She pilots the glider down fast)

Sanders: NOT AGAIN!!!!

Yves/Aaryn: Huh? (The cadets hit their glider causing them all to fall and scream)

Don: (June and Quince arrive) 11th! (Dani and Syd arrive) 12th! (Tom and Jen arrive) 13th! (Geoff and Brody) 14th!

(Dani’s about to run off elsewhere but she’s stopped by her son)

Syd: Mom wait! (She stops) Maybe we could wait here, just until Aaryn and Yves arrive.

Dani: Sure why not. (They wait)

Don: Let’s check the Ice Dancers (The Ice Dancers wait patiently as their time runs out.) Times up! Ice Dancers take 15th! (They cheer as they run off) Only one spot remains. (Looks up to the sky then closes his eyes when the ground starts to shake) What the hell is that?!

(Both teams exit their gliders miserably)

Sanders: What the hell? You could’ve killed all of us!

MacArthur: You can yell at me later, look (Points) there’s the chill zone!

(Everyone turns around to see something bursting out of the wreckage. It’s the kangaroo that chased the gym rats.)

Yves: Wow, I guess everything CAN and will kill you in Australia!

Aaryn: Even when you’re not in it! (All four of them race for the chill zone. They then jump for it and tackle Don)

Don: AUGHHH! (Don is tackled by both teams before we can tell who made it first)

(A few minutes later)

(The kangaroo is being taken away by animal control. Don stands on the Chill Zone. Sanders/Macarthur and Yves/Aaryn wait in front of him.)

Don: Wow! This was the closest race we've ever had. Our judges are really going to have to go over the footage to make sure which team made it first. (He gets info on his ear piece) we don't have any judges? Huh. Who's the guy at the craft table? Oh no. He's eating a bagel. (To the teams) Looks like I'll have to look over the footage. This may take some time. (He takes out a mini screen and rewinds to the moment before the teams dove for him. Everyone looks nervous as they wait his decision, especially Syd.) Okay, I've looked over the footage and I can see what place each team got. Police cadets....... (Sanders and MacArthur gasp) you get 16th place! (They sigh in relief as they walk off) 

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: Told ya we’d stay in this race.  
\---> Sanders: Since when did you say anything like that?  
\---> MacArthur: Does it matter? We’re still in. (Sanders groans in exasperation)

(Yves/Aaryn look sad. Don approaches them)

Don: Models, I’m afraid you are no longer in the running for the $1 million. But hey on the bright side. You both still look hot. Now, sashay away.

Syd: Aaryn! (runs to Aaryn) Aaryn I’m so sorry! I should’ve helped you in Australia but I-I got stuck in a rabbit hole a-and it took my mom forever to pull me out a-and then we just forgot all about you cause we just had to do the challenge. And I’m- (Aaryn cuts him off)

Aaryn: Syd you’ve got nothing to apologize for. This is a competition and the reality is that anyone could go home at any time. I know you and your mother will do great, I’ve seen you do great things. You both got this. Just promise you’ll wait for me when you cross the last chill zone.

Syd: I will.

Dani: (to Don) Aww isn’t that sweet?

Don: A bit sappy if you ask me.

Syd: Well I guess you two should leave know.

Aaryn: Yeah, but here’s a little something to remember me by. (Kisses him. Most of the people watching are genuinely touched. Jacques and Josee aren’t)

Crimson: Isn’t that lovely?

Ennui: A bit sickening but I suppose so.

Dwayne: See Junior it’s perfectly normal for two men to kiss.

Junior: Dad I’ve seen two guys kiss before.

Dwayne: What, when?

Junior: At school.

Dwayne: Oh ugh well good, good.

Yves: As sweet as that is. Aaryn we should be going now.

Aaryn: (Releases Syd) So how was your first kiss?

Syd: (Gobsmacked) Lovely. And how could you tell?

Aaryn: I’ve got a thing for it. Bye Syd. (He and Yves waves to Dani) Bye Dani.

Dani: Bye kids. (Waves back)

Yves: (They wave to the bloggers) Bye Tom and Jen!

Tom: (waving) Bye!

Jen: (waving) It was so nice to meet you!

Tom: Give us your email address so we can skype and instant message all the time!

Jen: And let’s go shopping when we all get back to North America!

Aaryn: Will do. Oh and tell Devin and Carrie we wish them the best of luck. (They walk off)

Don: (to the camera) Looks like the competition just got uglier. (The rest of the teams yell “HEY!”) Oh face the facts. Who's going to be going home next? Find out when we return to THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera) 

=== Best of Yves and Aaryn === (The screen shows a video montage of Yves and Aaryn’s best moments from The Ridonculous Race. Yves and Aaryn voice over)

Yves: (voice) Que sera, sera, what ever will be, will be. 

Aaryn: (voice) Yeah that didn’t go at all like I expected. I was hoping to at least break into single digits. 

Yves (voice): Still I bet most people thought we’d be gone in the first few episodes and here we are now in New Zealand, that’s gotta count for something.

Aaryn: (voice) Yeah, we proved that looking this hot doesn’t make you dumb or lazy.

Yves (voice): I loved Dubai, and the Mediterranean, and Hawaii, and Zimbabwe, and Venice but Paris was my favorite by far.

Aaryn (voice): And we still made some new friends out of this like Tom and Jen and I got a new boyfriend. All in all this was a great experience that I wouldn’t change for anything. Except for maybe winning this show.

Yves: (voice) You think Ryan and Stephanie will work out their issues? And Devin and Carrie will patch things up?

Aaryn: (voice) I’m sure everyone will get what they deserve, which hopefully means the Ice Dancers lose.

(Aaryn and Yves walk together through the mountains)

Aaryn: So what should we do now?

Yves: Let’s find a spa get a good foot scrubbing. We’ve earned it.

Aaryn: Good idea.

Yves: See? All my ideas are good ideas.

Aaryn: Really? All of them?

Yves: Well it was my idea to try out for this show.

Aaryn: Okay, I’ll give that to you. That was a great idea. (They both laugh as they walk off through the New Zealand Mountains)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what they say, the 1st cut is the hardest. In what I'm sure is a big shock to a lot of you I have eliminated my 1st oc team. I love all my oc teams but they couldn't all win and Aaryn & Yves are the 1st to fall. At least some good came out of their stint on the show, they had fun and Syd got a boyfriend, but now that Aaryn's gone he'll be down in the dumps for a while. I did alter a few things from canon as you can see, the ice dancers get penalized for their rabbit stealing and unlike in canon the team that found the white rabbit stuck around. Also some other big things happening with my oc's, Leo and June finally spat it out, I was so worried about writing that scene without it coming off as purple prose but i think i pulled it off. You can also see how Carrie and Devin's relationship will be for a while with her secret out, in this version Devin won't be going through the 7 stages of grief cause i figured his mind would be unable to properly register such an emotional clusterfuck and now he'll be less of a whiny cry baby. Favorite part of this episode: Aaryn's brutal honesty about what Carrie did. The Old Zealand joke comes a close 2nd
> 
> Current Rankings:  
> Crimson & Ennui (1st Place)   
> Leo & Annie (2nd Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (3rd Place)  
> Stephanie & Ryan (4th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (5th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (6th Place)  
> Sam & May (7th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (8th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (9th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (10th Place)   
> June & Quince (11th Place)  
> Syd & Dani (12th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (13th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (14th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (15th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (16th Place)
> 
> Final Placements:  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	18. Maori or Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While they race through New Zealand teams must either perform a traditional Maori dance or literally jump off a bridge

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our bunny-bagging bonanza saw the Ice Dancers cheat, Leo and June finally spitting it out, Gabriella and Nekota get chased by a kangaroo, Dwayne twisting his ankles, and Devin and Carrie trying to make sense of their relationship. Also, the Goth’s took first place and officially adopted a bunny named Loki, guess you can make rabbits creepy. In the end, the models were told to sashay away but not before Aaryn kissed Syd goodbye, isn’t nerd love sweet? Things are starting to get hot. Who's going to get burned? Find out here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return back to the Chill Zone from last episode in New Zealand. Mountains surround the area around the Chill Zone. The teams stand in a line in the order they arrived yesterday, starting with the Goths. Don stands in front with a Don Box next to him.)

Don: Welcome back to beautiful New Zealand where the Goths are about to take today's first tip. (Crimson and Ennui walk up to the Don Box.)

Crimson: (grabs the first tip and reads it) Go go on the Loco.

(Don is seen standing in a train station with a train behind him. The train station is located way up in the mountains where the contestants wait.)

Don: And how loco it is. Teams must climb up this dangerously steep mountain and catch the train from here to Decision Junction where their next tip will be waiting. There will be three trains leaving thirty minutes apart from each other.

(The teams are seen running to the train station up the mountain. Crimson/Ennui are in the lead with Leo and Annie following after them. Gabriella/Nekota, Ryan/Stephanie, Jordan/Fabian and Sam/May run behind them. Tom/Jen and Carrie/Devin run together. Dwayne/Junior follow after them. Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty run together. June/Quince, Dani/Syd, and Geoff/Brody run behind them. Jacques/Josee and MacArthur/Sanders take up last place but Jacques/Josee quickly run past most of the competition.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: After two terrible finishes we’re determined to get first today! And I mean it!  
\---> Jacques: We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again, we settle for nothing less than first!

Josee: (she and Jacques runs pass most of the teams frantically) Out of the way!

Jacques: (glares) Move it or lose it!

Stephanie: (she and Ryan are catching up to them) Hey move your frozen butt out of our way!

Josee: What are you gonna yell some more? Keep at it and I may turn the other cheek. (Stephanie just runs more furiously) 

Gabriella: (to Nekota) Come on man, we gotta get on that first train! Even if it is with them! (They run on ahead)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: We decided to re-think our strategy.  
\---> Nekota: Now we’re going to take things slower and we won’t consistently try to avoid the Ice Dancers.

Junior: (he and Dwayne are about to reach the train station) Hurry Dad! The train is about to leave! We need to catch this train!

Dwayne: Don't worry sporto. I checked the schedule so I know we'll be - (hears the sound of the train leaving) OH COME ON! (Runs) 

(Dwayne/Junior run into the train station just as the first train leaves. Crimson/Ennui, Josee/Jacques, Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota and Ryan/Stephanie stick their heads out the window.)

Don: (voice) Train number one leaves with the Goths, the Ice Dancers, the siblings, the gym rats and the masochism tango.

Josee: (points at Dwayne/Junior mockingly) LOSERS! (She and Jacques laugh until they are hit by a pole. They fall back into the train painfully.)

Gabriella: (laughs at the Ice Dancers misfortune until Nekota gives her a look of indifference) What, don’t act like that wasn’t funny. (Stephanie also laughs)

Junior: (angry that the train left) Pussbuckets!

Dwayne: Language! (Smiles) Besides, the next train will be here soon. (Holds up a deck of cards) Wanna play a game while we wait?

Junior: No thanks. I'd rather listen to my music. (He puts on headphones and listens to music)

Dwayne: (puts his head down in shame) Oh.... (The deck of cards fall on the floor) Crap...

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (Junior is seen in the background buying a magazine. Dwayne sighs.) I don't feel like me and Junior are connecting all that much. And that’s the whole reason I entered this race. He's about to go to high school, then he’ll be dating, prom, SATs, college ... (Realizes) OH MY GOD! He's growing up! He's going to leave the nest soon! (He begins to tear up) I promise myself I wouldn't cry...... (He begins sobbing)

Junior: (to the vendor) I'll take this Maori Tattoo magazine. Got anything on how to chill out your embarrassing dad? (The vendor gives him a magazine) Thanks! (Reads) New Zealand Parent, get your ankle-biter to do what you want. (He looks at Dwayne)

Dwayne: (he tries picking up the cards from the ground but the wind takes some) Whoops! (He slams into the pole) Oww!

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Yeah, I definitely need this magazine.

Don: (The five teams from train number one are seen relaxing on the train) The teams on train number one enjoy their lead and relax.

(Crimson/Ennui are seen sitting in the seats behind Josee/Jacques, petting their new rabbit. Josee and Jacques take this time to strategize. Ryan and Stephanie sit in different booths. Gabriella and Nekota sits as far away from the ice dancers as possible. Annie and Leo sit beside each other.)

Leo: Oh my god I can’t believe it, I’ve got as girlfriend! Who’s not currently on the train with us, bummer.

Annie: While I’m happy you’ve found love. You can’t let June get in the way of our game.

Leo: You’re right, we’ve got to stay focused 100% of the time. (Sits down with a serious look on his face. He waits a few seconds until he starts to grow bored) Can I at least fantasize about her until the train stop?

Annie: Go ahead. (Leo starts day dreaming)

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: I’m happy my brother has found love but maybe now I should be worried that he can’t get his head back in the game like before. I’ve got to make sure he’s focused while I try to tell Quince I’m in love with him. Looks like my next few days will be busy.

(Back on the trail we see the best friends and the fashion bloggers running together)

Carrie: So how’s your ankle doing?

Jen: Much better. Thank god those rabbit holes didn’t do too much damage.

Tom: Nice to see we’re all back in action. (Looks back to see Devin running solemnly) More or less.

(Up ahead we see Jordan/Fabian and May/Sam run together)

Sam: Am I the only one praying that the next challenge has to do with Middle Earth?

Jordan: Or Narnia? Or Whale Rider?

May: Or Pandora?

Fabian: Well I know I’m the only one who’s hoping for something related to birds.

Noah: (he and Emma run together) So I told the producers if you make Owen eat that butter he's going to explode. I guess barfing on the other contestants was fine but apparently barfing on the host was crossing the line.

Emma: I can't believe they kicked you off the show. That's so unfair.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: (smiles) I'm so happy Emma was able to win Noah back and that you're giving love another chance.  
\---> Emma: You're not worried, are you?  
\---> Kitty: No. I know you've learned from your past mistakes and how important winning is for you. This time you'll take it slow and easy.  
\---> Emma: Don't worry, Noah will not be my sole purpose in this Race. Even if Noah's sarcasm is every girl's dream, his eyebrows do that little waggling thing, and he has the butt of a Roman god! Oh my God! When are going to have our first kiss?! (Giggles. Kitty stares blankly) What?

Noah: Hey, have you heard of that new show called Alligator Bite? We we're thinking of auditioning. You guys should too.

Emma: (smiles) Really?

Noah: (smiles) Yeah! It'll be fun to be with you. (Emma stops him and they begin to gaze into each other's eyes. They lean in to kiss.)

Owen: (he's eating popcorn) I love happy endings.

Kitty: (reaches Owen) What are we stopping - (sees Emma and Noah about to kiss) AWWWW! (Looks at Owen) Isn’t that sweet.

Owen: Not as sweet as this caramel corn.

(Emma and Noah inch in closer and closer. Just before they touch lips, they hear someone coming.)

Brody: Out of the way! (Emma and Noah look shocked when Brody and Geoff go through them. Noah falls back.)

Emma: Hey! You'll pay for that party boys! (She keeps running with Owen, Kitty, & Noah following after her)

Geoff: (calls to them) Sorry!

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: I feel bad for what we did, but we had to catch this train. Emma and Noah were about to smooch and we ruined it.  
\---> Geoff: If that happened between me and Bridgette I’d be in the doghouse for weeks.  
\---> Brody: More like the dog’s doghouse! (They laugh)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (crosses his arms and glares) If I ever see those surfers try to kiss I'll make sure to interrupt them.  
\---> Owen: (laughs but then realizes) Uhhhhh.........  
\---> Noah: I know what I said.

(Elsewhere, the first five teams on the first train arrive at Decision Junction. All five teams hop off of the train and head for the Chill Zone.)

Don: (voice) Up at Decision Junction, the first five teams have arrived at the station.

Josee: Come on!

Jacques: (grabs and reads the tip) It's an Either-Or. Jump Down or Jump Around?

(Don is seen standing on top of a bridge. Next to him is a crash test dummy and five bungee cords.)

Don: In today's Either-Or, teams can either bungee jump off the Kawarau Bridge and catch a local Bowery Fish with their bare hands. (He pushes the test dummy off the bridge and into the water. The Bowery Fish destroy the test dummy.) Well, that seems safe. Or, teams can jump around. (He stands in front of a stage. Two extremely large men stand in the center stage and are performing a dance.) Teams must perform a traditional Maori Haka Dance. A warrior’s dance that is meant to frighten anyone subjected to it. (The two men finish the Haka dance and yell. Don is very terrified) I-It's very effective! (Composes himself) When a team completes either challenge, it's a foot race to the Chill Zone. (He stands on the Chill Zone. It's located next to a lake.) The team that arrives last may be eliminated.

Leo: Jump Down. (He and Annie head for the bridge)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: The dance is all built around intimidation and fear. And Annie’s about as threatening as a kitten.  
\---> Annie: I won’t argue with him on that. Bungee jumping it is.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (laughs) Those silly siblings would rather jump to their death that face us in a dance competition.  
\---> Jacques: Maybe they're not as dumb as they look. Maybe.

Crimson: Jump down. (She Ennui and Loki leave)

Stephanie: Jump down! (They run off)

Gabriella: (to Nekota) What do you want to do?

Nekota: I may be a totally awesome dancer but let’s do the bungee jump.

Gabriella: Good choice. (They leave)

(On train number two, the five teams wait as they ride out to Decision Junction. Owen/Noah sit in front of Emma/Kitty. Jordan/Fabian and May/Sam sit in front of Junior. Dwayne sits alone.)

Junior: (To Fabian) Wait? So you really were hired by Dreamworks to play Hiccup for a promotional event?

Fabian: (to Junior) Yeah, I had to sleep in that wig and make up but it was so worth it! I was a little nervous but thanks to Astrid (Pulls in Jordan) Toothless (Pulls in Sam) and Stormfly (pulls in May) I was cool and collected.

Junior: (laughs) Nice! (He and Fabian laugh and fist bump)

Dwayne: (he sees Junior having fun and sighs) Looks like Junior would rather hang out with the cooler people rather than me. (May walks next to him) Do you have a minute?

May: (smiles) Sure. It’s so great to see Fabian wanting to bond with other people.

Dwayne: That’s sort of what I wanted to talk about. Junior seems to look up to you and your friends. So how do I be like you?

May: Dwayne you can’t be like me. You can’t be like my boyfriend, his sister or my best friend. But I know something you can do.

Dwayne: (smiles) Yeah? 

May: Don’t be so serious.

Dwayne: Huh?

May: You worry too much about most situations if they’re too dangerous for you or Junior. Take Sam, he never worries about what’s going to happen, he just goes with the flow, in fact it was his recklessness that sort of drew me to him in the first place. You should loosen up so Junior can get to know the real you. Do you get me?

Dwayne: (smiles) Yeah! Thanks.

May: No problem. You should sit with us.

Dwayne: Indeed I will. (Gets up. She and Dwayne head back to Jordan/Sam/Fabian and Junior.)

May: Junior I thought we should let your father sit with us and we could all share stories. Okay?

Junior: I guess. (To Fabian) Have you done anything else awesome?

Fabian: You need to ask that to Sam to get a really cool answer. He’s the awesome one. (Pushes Sam to the middle) Go ahead.

Sam: Well how about I tell you about the time I was a scare actor for the stalking dead terror zone at Galactus Studios Helloween festival?

Emma: (she and Kitty sit across from Owen and Noah) I have a plan to get us all in the finale as an alliance.

Noah: (smiles) I love the way you say alliance. (Sighs lovingly)

Owen: How about when I say alliance. Alliance. Alliance? Alliance!

Noah: (groans) Please stop.

Emma: Okay, first off regular alliance meetings to work out any competitive feelings that arise and to discuss Kitty and Owen's behavior.

Kitty: (offended) Hey!

Owen: What?

Emma: Sticking together will also assure we have plenty if anecdotes for the rehearsal dinner.

Noah: What kind of person has to rehearse eating?

Owen: Sign me up! (Laughs)

Emma: (smiles) No Silly Billy! It's what you do the night before the wedding! (Giggles)

Noah/Kitty/Owen: WHAT?!

Dwayne/Junior: (They are sitting behind the Sisters and Reality TV Pros. They were drinking water until they heard what Emma said about the wedding. They spit out their drinks.) WHAT?!

Fabian: Perdón?!

Jordan/Sam: Huh?!

May: 彼女が何を言いましたの？

Kitty: Let’s talk Emma.

Emma: (smiles) Sure thing, Maid of Honor! (Kitty drags Emma off)

Kitty: I think it's super adorable you're planning your life out with Noah but don't tell him! Guys hate that. Plus, we're here for the million.

Emma: (frowns) I know. I'm sorry. (Smiles) It's just that I stare into those chocolate brown eyes and then I swim in them and... (Cut off)

Kitty: The Game! Focus of the Game, Emma!

Emma: R-right, sorry. Okay, okay. Here's me putting aside my feelings and focusing on the Noah. (Kitty slaps her) The game!

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Kitty's right. I'm losing focus of the game. My ex, Jake, was constantly on my mind and look what happened. I became a total mess. It's all about that million dollars. I'd hate to lose because of a boy.

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (shivers) I am not ready for marriage...  
\---> Owen: Can we still have wedding cake? (Noah glares) Sorry, not helping.

(In the third train the remaining teams of cadets, mother/son, best friends, fashion bloggers, surfers and Julliard students are riding. The cadets sit up front while mother/son sit next to the surfers. The Julliard Students sit in the booth behind them. Carrie and Jen sit in the booth to the back of Devin and Tom)

Carrie: (To Jen) I know Tom said to trust Devin and he’ll figure these things out for himself and our friendship will be okay but I’m worried. I think that maybe he got hit with too much news at once.

Jen: He does seem a little overwhelmed.

Carrie: If I just kept my big mouth shut then he’d only have one thing to worry about.

Jen: Hey don’t blame yourself. Me and Tom were the ones who pressured you into confessing. We share as much blame with this as Shelley.

Carrie: No you were right, if I didn’t say anything then and there I might have lost my chance forever. And Annie was right, Shelley did cheat. God this whole race is just turning into a huge mess. (She rests her head on the table and Jen consoles her)

(Next booth over)

Tom: (to Devin) Listen man I know we’re not the best of friends and about a month ago neither of us knew each other existed but you need to stop moping and distancing yourself from Carrie. It’s only hurting the both of you.

Devin: (incredulously) Well what am I supposed to do?! I find out that my best friend who I’ve known for years has had a crush on me all this time and my girlfriend was cheating on me the entire time I was away!

Tom: Fridge logic states that even if you didn’t participate in the race she probably would’ve cheated on you inevitably, considering she did when you left.

Devin: Anything else you want to tell me?

Tom: Yes. Forget about Shelley, she’s history. And focus on your partner right now, the one who you know would never cheat on you. (Devin just stares into a window in thought)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Poor Devin and Carrie, they’re such close friends and this whole thing with Shelley has really shook them up.  
\---> Tom: Hopefully we can help them fix this. We’re friends and they need our help.

Brody: (speaking to mother/son) So Geoff zips me up in bag while I’m asleep and then-

Geoff/Brody: And puts him/me on the airplane luggage belt. (The surfers laugh)

Dani: Oh that’s nothing, have you had to out run the cops on a bicycle only to lose them when you ride into a river and have to hide in a beaver’s dam? (Everyone laughs but Syd whose sulking)

Geoff: What’s up with him?

Syd: (bitterly) My boyfriend got eliminated yesterday when I could’ve done something about it.

Brody: (embarrassed) Oh yeah. (Laughs awkwardly)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: Hey we don’t know how to console a guy who’s had his heart broken by another guy.  
\---> Brody: I’ve never even had my heart broken by a girl before.

Dani: (consoling her son) Oh Syd it’s not so bad, I mean you two haven’t broken up, you’re still together just separated. I’m sure he’s waiting for you to win that money so that way you can go on the perfect first date. (Syd pulls away from her)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dani: There’s only so much a mother can do. But if Syd’s gonna get out of this he’s gonna have to do this partially by himself. He needs to stop feeling sorry for himself.

MacArthur: (notices Syd) Man what’s up with him? You’d think he’d just been told he has a month to live.

Sanders: Can’t you show him a little bit of sympathy? We did beat Aaryn and Yves to stay in the competition and I feel kind of guilty about it.

MacArthur: You’re not gonna throw the contest for those 2 are you?

Sanders: What? No, it’s just that maybe we should show him that we feel sorry for him and we understand what he’s going through.

MacArthur: You can lie to make him feel better but I’m not gonna.

Sanders: What, you’re telling me you’ve never experienced heartbreak?

MacArthur: For that to happen I’d need to find someone worthy of my love, and the only other person who fills my heart with happiness is me. (Looks in a mirror and admires herself in the reflection) Don’t get me wrong you’re the best partner I could ask for but I don’t need nobody but me to keep me happy.

Sanders: Really? What about Brody and his crush on you?

MacArthur: Look I consider the man an awesome dude but I’ve thought it over. Boyfriend material? I don’t think that’s his forte.

Sanders: Well I’m going to try and remedy things up with Syd. (Gets up and starts walking over)

MacArthur: You do that, you’re the people person between the 2 of us.

Devin: (turns back to Tom) Hey have you noticed how much you and I sound alike?

Tom: Now that you’ve said that I actually do! It’s creepy! (The train tilts upward and they jerk forward a little. Sanders also falls back a little and falls into Syd and knocks him to the ground. She helps him back up into his seat but he just lays there like a ragdoll.)

Don: (voice) As the teams from trains two and three begin to close on Decision Junction sooner than expected, our first five teams are enjoying their lead.

(Josee/Jacques watch as the two men perform the Haka Dance as a demonstration for them.)

Josee: (rolls her eyes) Oh please. We got this. Ready Jacques?

Jacques: Ready! (They get in position and begin the Haka Dance. They're doing quite well and the two men are quite surprised. The two men clap and nod in approval.) Thank you! Thank you!

Josee: Maybe you put on some skates and you could call it a challenge. (She and Jacques head for the Chill Zone.)

(On the Kawaru Bridge, the Goths, the Daters and Siblings are getting ready to bungee jump down.)

Stephanie: (has the bungee on) Oh fine! You want me to do this challenge, I’ll do it.

Ryan: Good!

Stephanie: It’s a good thing I’m doing this challenge cause you’d probably just tank anyway.

Ryan: You’d wish I’d tank!

Stephanie: Okay, prove it. (Reveals she put the bungee cord on him)

Ryan: But how did you- (cut off)

Stephanie: Have a nice fall. (Pushes him down)

Ryan: (Falling) AAAAAHHH!!!

Don: Looks like Ryan’s falling for Stephanie all over again. Is he down and out for the count? Stay tuned and watch…. The Ridonculous Race!

(Commercial break)

(Train two reaches the station and train three follows shortly behind)

Don: (voice) The last two trains reach the top simultaneously, it’s a tie for the ages. (Teams hop off and run to the Don Box)

Fabian: (reading the tip) Jump down or Jump around?

Carrie/Jen: Jump around! Jinx! (Both giggled when they realized they said the same thing)

Tom: Jump around definitely! (Nudges Devin in the chest)

Devin: (hesitantly) Uh, yeah. Jump around. (The quartet leaves)

Sanders: Jump down?

MacArthur: Yeah! (They head off for the bridge)

May: Well obviously I know Sam wants to jump down, but what about you guys?

Jordan: (nods with Fabian) We’ll go do the dance. (Waves bye) Good luck.

Sam: Won’t need it. (They run off to the bridge)

Noah/Kitty: (at the same time) Jump Down! /Jump Around!

Emma: Hmmm. Guess it's time for our first family meeting. (Kitty steps on her foot) I mean team meeting!

Kitty: Come on, you know we both have slamming dance moves.

Noah: Bungee Jumping is on my bucket list, if I were lame enough to actually have one. What about you big guy?

Owen: (eating a hot dog) Huh? Sorry I wasn't paying attention. (Laughs)

Emma: Wow, way too many factors to decide.

Kitty: (sees the surfers, the Julliard students, mother/son and Father and Son still deciding) Whatever, we'll do jump down.

Emma: Meeting adjourned. (The Sisters and Reality TV Pros run for the bridge)

Brody: Definitely jump down!

Geoff: Totally bungee jumping’s sick! (He and Geoff cheer as they head off)

June: What do you think Leo’s doing?

Quince: Who cares about Leo? I know you’re a thing now but come on! There’s dancing challenge and you’re turning it down.

June: You’re right! Jump around! (They run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: I’ve had to wrangle June for years. But she’s never been infatuated with a boy before. I’m happy for her but there’s still a million dollars on the line, and Annie is still available for dating. I’ve got to get on that now.

Dani: (reading the tip) Hey why don’t you choose what we do?

Syd: Who cares? Everything’s pointless now.

Dani: I guess its bungee jumping then. (Grabs him and they run off to the bridge)

Junior: (reads the tip) Jump Down or Jump Around?

Dwayne: (holding up peace signs) Relax and chillax, Brobama. Let's do the jump down! (Offers a fist bump. Junior seems worried.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Oh no, my dad's trying to act cool. Wait! (He looks in the magazine) I can use this!

Junior: (fist bumps his dad) I think you're awesome too and I respect your opinion.

Dwayne: (shocked) Y-you do? I mean, cool!

Junior: Yeah, but if everyone is doing bungee jumping there's probably a wait. (Reads the magazine) So is it worth exercising our options and jump around?

Dwayne: Totally! Let's rock! (He and Junior run for the stage) Out!

(At the Chill Zone, Josee and Jacques are seen stepping on the Carpet of Completion and they raise their arms in the air victoriously. They look around but Don is nowhere to be found.)

Josee: Don?

Don: (he shows up with a towel around his neck and in his hair) What are you guys doing here? Did you skip the challenge?

Jacques: (smiles) No, we finished it.

Josee: I'm taking it we're in first?

Don: Yes, yes. You guys are in first place. You win this middle earth prize package: it has all 6 films and all 4 books, along with an Elvin translator dictionary. I'm going back to make-up. (Walks off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Is it me or is this competition getting easier?  
\---> Jacques: Or it could be that everyone else sucks. (They laugh)

(At the bridge, Crimson/Ennui, Geoff/Brody, Dani/Syd, Owen/Noah, and Kitty/Emma are getting ready to jump. Ryan/Stephanie, Leo/Annie, and Gabriella/Nekota have been going for a while)

Stephanie: Well, well, well. No fish, no surprise.

Ryan: You couldn’t catch a fish even if you were a shark!

Stephanie: I can do it with my eyes closed.

Ryan: I’d like to see you try! (Sanders walks up) Hey excuse us.

Sanders: You’re excused. (MacArthur puts the bungee cord around her legs) How’d you do that? And why am I the one jumping?

MacArthur: You owned every obstacle course at the academy, which means you’ll own this one too.

Sanders: But still why should I…. oh, forget it we both know you’ll wear me down eventually.

MacArthur: Atta girl, now go get that fish! (Pushes her off)

Sanders: (falling) AAAAAHHHHHH!

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: I don’t like that they butted in but I respect them taking charge. (To Ryan) A weakling like you could learn a lot from them.  
\---> Ryan: I don’t think- (cut off)  
\---> Stephanie: WEAK!

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: I couldn’t waste time arguing with MacArthur. We almost lost yesterday thanks to those ice dancers.  
\---> MacArthur: We’re going back to the top and we’re going to serve those ice dancers with a side of bacon, eggs, and hash browns. (Pounds fist into palm) Then we’ll see whose toast.  
\---> Sanders: More like French Canadian toast.  
\---> MacArthur: Nice one! (They fist bump)

Brody: (tearing up a little) Bro our life is just so awesome! Woo hoo! (Jumps down but Geoff notices that he didn’t attach the bungee cord to his legs) AAAAAHHHH! (Falls down into the river)

Ryan: (fumbling with the harness) How do I put this on again?

Stephanie: Ugh! You do it like this. (Attaches it to her ankle) How can you forget- (Ryan smirks and pushes her off) AAAAHHHHHHH! You tricked me! I hate you!

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: You okay?  
\---> Stephanie: You pushed me off a bridge. What do you think?!  
\---> Ryan: Oh it’s not so bad. You probably set the record for the world’s highest belly flop. (Laughs while Stephanie looks on bitterly)

Sam: (takes the harness and attaches it to May) There you go.

May: You’re letting me go first? How gentlemanly.

Sam: Just be quick so I can take my turn.

May: Okay. (Stands at the very edge of the bridge. Everyone looks intrigued. She slowly leans back and falls down like the opening of an anime, the sun shines down on her and we see her falling with the wind in her hair at multiple rotating angles. She splashes down into the crystal blue waters. She bounces back up with a splash creating small rainbow. She looks around and realizes she’s got no fish) Crap I didn’t catch anything!

Sam: Maybe not, look in your hair! (May sees that a Bowery fish got caught in her hair)

May: Nice! Pull me up. (Sam pulls her up. Once on the bridge she grabs the fish out of her hair.) Okay let’s go. (Sam looks hesitant) Okay I’ll go and you do your jump but be quick about it! (She runs off leaving Sam rearing to go but he has to wait a while)

Owen: (he talks to Kitty) Noah and Emma seem a lot more distracted today.

Kitty: Gee, you think? (Walks up to Emma while Noah poses on a rail on the bridge) Okay, Dani just jumped and Stephanie and Gabriella have been jumping for a while so we need to go now.

Emma: (not paying attention to Kitty) Okay Noah, put your arm a little higher. (He does so) Okay, good! (To Kitty) Can you take a pic of me and No-No?

Kitty: NOW?! But we're in the middle of a challenge!

Noah: Better hurry! Can't hold a pose. It's why I'll never be able to compete on the Next Massive Male Model. (Laughs)

Syd: (sulking) Don’t say anything about models.

Emma: Might as well take advantage of our time in paradise. (Giggles)

Kitty: (Sighs and looks at Ryan and Stephanie arguing.) Wow...

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: (Emma is giggling next to her) What a contrast! Gooey love on one side, no love on the other.

(A montage of the teams competing is shown on the screen. Nekota jumps into the water but pulls up nothing. Junior is trying to perform the Haka dance but Dwayne tries to do cool dances moves causing the judges to reject their dance. Fabian stims nervously as he tries to dance, earning his team a thumbs down. Brody bounces back up unsuccessful. Carrie and Devin try to dance but they keep bumping into each other earning a thumbs down. Leo jumps in but only grabs an eel which shocks him. Emma and Noah hold hands and look at each other lovingly as the jump into the water together, neither pull up anything.)

Don: (voice) Surprising absolutely no one, the Julliard students become the second team to finish the dance challenge.

June: (she and Quince complete the dance and get a thumbs up) Was there ever any doubt?

Quince: Wow, that dance really does work. I DO feel like a tough guy! (The two men laugh at him) Never mind.

June: Ignore them man. Come on! (She and Quince run for the Chill Zone)

(Crimson is next to jump. She falls down emotionlessly. She dives into the water and pulls out a fish. Ennui reals her in.)

Don: (voice) The goths take third…

(Sanders dives down again screaming all the way. She manages to grab a fish, it tries to bite her and she let’s go of it, nearly dropping it.)

Don: (voice) And cadets shoot for 4th.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: Man that fish gave you a real slap down. (The fish flails out of Sanders hands and bites onto her head. MacArthur laughs uproariously while Sanders just stares into the camera like she’s at The Office)

(Tom and Jen are seen performing the dance next. Their dance gets the approval and they share a quick hug before they leave.)

Tattooed Man: Never though people in baby blue could be intimidating. Alright who’s up next?

Carrie: Devin maybe we should watch it again, you know just for clarity.

Devin: Yeah okay that’s fine.

Jordan: That means we’re up, you ready?

Fabian: (nervously) I think so.

Jordan: Dude get a hold of yourself. I know you don’t like to dance because you think you move like a fool but who cares about looking like fools, we’ve done so many unreal things on this trip so far, we’ve got this! Just follow my lead!

Fabian: (determined) You’re right, we do! (They get in position and begin the Haka Dance. They do well and the two men are impressed. Fabian finishes by howling like a maned wolf while Jordan howls like a coyote. The two men clap and nod in approval.) YES! (They hug and run off)

(At the Chill Zone, Don waits for the teams to arrive)

Don: (smiles) Here come some teams now! (He glares as Josee and Jacques relaxing in beach chairs) I know you guys won and all but you don't need to brag about it. 

Josee: If you're a winner, you get to brag all you want.

Jacques: (smiles) Agreed. Winning is pretty good.

Don: (glares) Now, let's focus on some teams I actually like. (June and Quince pass the Chill Zone) Julliard students in second!

June: Yes! Silver medal! (Jacques and Josee cringe at that word)

Don: (the Police Cadets run pass the Chill Zone) Cadets in third.

Macarthur: (shrugs) I can live with third.

Don: (the fashion bloggers pass the Chill Zone) Fashion Bloggers come in fourth.

Jen: Yay us!

Don: (May reaches the chill zone with fish in toe) Well it looks like someone’s missing their teammate. You know I can’t call your team safe until both of you arrive here. (Goths pass her) Goths take fifth!

Sam: (in the distance) Yo! (The camera shows him running up to the chill zone quickly. He makes it) I’m here, we’re still in.

Don: Yes you are. Sixth place! (They smile)

(Back at the stadium, Dwayne and Junior are attempting to do the Haka Dance again. Junior and Dwayne are doing fine so far until Dwayne starts doing a Russian dance causing them to be disqualified.)

Junior: Dad, what are you doing?

Dwayne: (chuckles) Don't worry about me, I'm just brofying the dance! WOOP WOOP! (He begins moonwalking) Look at me, I'm moonwalking!

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: (Dwayne is moonwalking behind him) I created a monster and he's so lame!

Don: (voice) 7th! (The animaniacs arrive) 8th! (The daters arrive) 9th! (The gym rats arrive) 10th! (The surfers arrive)

Don: Only six spots remain and seven teams are fighting for them.

Leo: (comes back up again empty handed) You’d think after Alex took us catfish noodling I’d be better at nabbing these fish.

Annie: Can I go now? You’ve gone every turn.

Leo: (gives her the harness) Go for it.

Annie: Finally. (Attaches it to her ankles then jumps) AAAAAHHHH! (She dives into the water. She jumps out with a fish gnawing on her arm. Leo and everyone else looks stupefied. Once she’s back on the bridge she runs up to Leo) Woo! Now we can finally go!

Leo: I should really let you go first in challenges more often.

Annie: I’ve been asking you that since day one. (They run off)

Dani: (Attaches harness to ankles) Wish me luck Syd. Syd? (Syd isn’t saying anything) Okay then. (Jumps down) AAAAAAHHHH! (Splashes down and manages to finally grab a fish) Yes! (Once she’s back on the bridge she meets up with her son) Okay honey I got the fish now let’s fly.

Syd: Might as well get this over and done with, and speed up to the end of it all. (Dani gets feed up with his attitude and slaps him with the fish. Those left at the bridge gasp at this. Syd snaps out of it)

Dani: Syd you need to get a grip and stop feeling sorry for yourself! I know it’s difficult when you finally find someone and then you two are separated, I went through this when you’re father left us, but you need to move on! I realized that if I spent all my time moping over what happened I’d never get my life back together, and you need to do that too. Aaryn wouldn’t want you to sit around all day, he’d want you to be active and do the challenge and now that he’s gone he’s your biggest supporter! The past happened and we can’t change that but we still have a potential future we’re we win a $1,000,000. Now buck up and let’s go win it!

Syd: (determined) You’re right! No more moping around like a Seattle grunge band looking for inspiration. Let’s jump! (Runs over to the bungee but Dani stops him and shows him the fish) Oh right, let’s go to the chill zone instead. (They run off)

(Back at the stage Carrie and Devin are back up again. Carrie’s trying to figure it out and Devin’s still not putting his all into it.)

Carrie: Hoo ha, ba burrito? (the judges frown) Okay I don’t think that was it.

Devin: (sighs) I’m sorry Carrie. We’re failing because I’m not doing well enough. I’ve got so much on my mind and between everything that’s happened, I can’t figure out how to act around you. I don’t want to make things worse between us than they are right now.

Carrie: I completely understand. You were told two very big things and they conflict with each other like paint and water. Can we just maybe pretend things aren’t so awkward between at the moment and finish this challenge like we typically would?

Devin: I suppose. Want to try it again?

Carrie: Definitely. (They get back into position and try the Hakka again as instructed. Their dancing flows better this time and the judges put them through)

Carrie: We passed!

Devin: Yeah! We did it! Let’s go to the chill zone. (They run off and father/son are the only team left at the dance)

(Back at the bridge)

Emma: Noah, you shouldn't go by yourself! We should go together.

Noah: (puts his hands on her shoulders) That would be so romantic like that movie where the couple is on the sinking ship.

Emma: (gasps and smiles) I love that movie!

Noah: (smiles) I've seen in seven hundred times.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: (she and Owen share a confessional space) Getting those two together during the competition was probably a bad idea.  
\---> Owen: Yeah.....

Emma: (he and Emma look down) Should we?

Noah: Could we? It is a Race after all.

Emma: (smiles) Still, you're so close and talk about a first kiss story. (They lean in to kiss)

Owen: (interrupts them) GUYS!

Kitty: THE GAME, EMMA!

Noah (Gets startled and falls off the bridge)

Emma: (jumps) NOAH! (They both disappear into the water)

(Back at the stage, Dwayne and Junior are attempting the dance again but Dwayne's random dance moves continue to block them from passing)

Junior: Dad! Please stop! You’re not helping us!

Dwayne: (still dancing) Yeah, but my moves are super cool!

Junior: They're super not!

Dwayne: W-what?! (Points to the two men) And they're cool?!

Junior: Dad, they're huge men with face tattoos so yeah they're pretty cool.

Dwayne: Yeah but-

Junior: Just face the facts and realize you're not cool and never will be! (Dwayne takes offense and frowns) H-hey Dad, I didn't-

Dwayne: No. I know you meant what you said. Let's just get this over with. (He gets ready as he and Junior perform the Haka Dance. This time Dwayne doesn't do any weird dance moves getting the judges to approve) Yes!

Junior: Let's go! (He and Dwayne run to the Chill Zone)

(On a path, Dwayne/Junior head for the Chill Zone with Emma/Kitty and Owen/Noah following)

Emma: (to Noah) I would name this fish Noah but it's not cute enough. Maybe Jake, after my ex. (Glares) He called me too obsessed if you can believe that.

Noah: Uhhhhhh......

Kitty: Hey Emma! Remember that we're not trying to get last place.

Emma: Just once sec. (Holds up the fish to cut off Noah's hair) I'm using Jake's teeth to cut off some of Noah's hair.

Noah: Say what now?!

Kitty: EMMA!

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: Obsess much?  
\---> Emma: You told me to go for it!  
\---> Kitty: Not like this! The way you're going you're going to lose the game and the guy. Do you really want that?

Emma: (looks back at Noah who smiles at her and get determined) We need to move! (She and Kitty run faster)

Owen: Wow! They're fast!

Noah: Girls. Can't live with them. Can't run as fast as them.

Don: (Leo and Annie arrive) 11th place! (Syd and Dani arrive) 12th place! (Devin and Carrie arrive) 13th place! (Dwayne and Junior arrive at the Chill Zone) 14th place!

Junior: Yes! (Dwayne walks off) Where are you going?

Dwayne: There's something I gotta do. (He walks off-screen)

Don: (the Sisters arrive) Sisters in 15th place!

Noah: (he and Owen arrive) Emma! I don't know what your definition of an alliance is but its way off.

Emma: (sighs) Noah, I'm sorry but I can't do this. I can't be with you and be in the game. I'm sorry. (She and Kitty walks off. Noah is shocked and falls to the ground.)

Don: Wow that had to hurt. And to top it off you guys are in 16th place! (Noah is not responding) Is he gonna be okay?

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: (Noah has a blank expression on his face) It's okay Noah, there are plenty of fish in the sea. (He holds up the fish they caught) This one for example. (He laughs) Huh, usually he would have said something really sarcastic by now.

Don: Reality pros you’ve come in last place, now please leave. (Owen gets ready to leave) Well that’s what I would say if this was an elimination round but it's not! You're both still in the game!

Dwayne: (he walks up to Junior now sporting a chin tattoo) What do you think of the old man now?

Junior: Whoa! Is that real?

Dwayne: It was extremely painful but yes it is real.

Junior: So cool. (Reads the tattoo magazine) Uh oh. Dad, according to this magazine only women get that tattoo.

Dwayne: (stares in shock)..........

Don: Who will go next? Could it be the other Mother and Son team?

Dwayne: (takes offense) Hey!

Don: Find out when return on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again things played out pretty similar to canon, with a few changes. Carrie and Devin are still dealing with the repercussions of her secret being out and things are just as awkward for them as they were in canon. Syd went through his own depressive spell with Aaryn gone but Dani did her motherly duty and got him out of his funk. My OC's take a back seat this chapter but they'll have more influence and spotlight in the upcoming episodes. Emma and Noah's relationship is going the way it did in canon and now Noah's in a funk. Favorite part of this episode: The 4th wall break with Devi and Tom, really wished they would've spoken together in canon. 
> 
> Next episode: Alberta 
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Jacques & Josee (1st Place)   
> June & Quince (2nd Place)  
> Sanders & MacArthur (3rd Place)  
> Tom & Jen (4th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (5th Place)  
> Sam & May (6th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (7th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (8th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (9th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th Place)   
> Leo & Annie (11th Place)  
> Syd & Dani (12th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (13th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (14th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (15th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (16th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	19. Little Bull on the Prairie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's 2 for 1 gut punch in Alberta as teams must scarf down beans and then ride a mechanical bull

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, New Zealand put our teams on an emotional roller coaster of ups and down. Dwayne tried to impress his son with a tattoo. Cool! Unfortunately, he got the one for girls only. (Laughs) Devin and Carrie are trying to work things out. Speaking of love, Syd was in a funk and Dani had to slap him with a fish to get him back to normal. Noah and Emma hit a roadblock when she put a stop to their romance, on top of that he and Owen got last place, but it was a non-elimination round so they were able to stay and Race another day. (Don is surrounded by circles containing the final 16 teams) One of these teams are bound to go home today but which one? Find out on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don is standing in front of the camera next to a Don Box at the Chill Zone from last episode in New Zealand. Josee and Jacques stand in front smile victoriously.)

Don: Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race! Yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. The Ice Dancers will be starting us off today. (Josee and Jacques run up to the Don Box)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: After winning yesterday I think it's safe to say that we're on fire!  
\---> Josee: Golden fire! And the competition is about to get BURNED!  
\---> Josee/Jacques: (they sizzle)

Josee: (reads the tip) Go to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump.

Jacques: Huh? Buffalo? Is that a place or a threat?

Don: (Don stands in a slideshow of Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada.) A little bit of both actually. It's located here on the tips of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta, Canada. Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump was originally going to be called Concussion Valley but the name was already taken. (Don is now seen leaning on a Don Box on a dude ranch while he wears a black cowboy hat.) Teams must take a flight to Lethbridge and make their way to this dude ranch to receive their next tip.

(Josee and Jacques nod and head for some taxis. Quince excitingly goes for the tip as June follows.)

(Confessional)  
\---> June: Someone seems excited today.  
\---> Quince: (smiles) Because today is the day I’m gonna confess my love to Annie and ask her to date me.  
\---> June: Well that’s nice.  
\---> Quince: You’re not gonna stop me?  
\---> June: If it wasn’t for your goading I probably never would’ve gotten together with Leo, go for it man.

Geoff: (reads the tip) A dude ranch?

Brody: We’re dudes! We’ve so got this!

Sam: (reading the tip) Dude ranch? Looks like we’ve got a leg up in the competition.

Stephanie: (Reads the tip and hands it to Ryan) Dudes at a dude ranch? (Sarcastically) Yeah that’s fair.

Ryan: (Reads then walks off) Well maybe the next challenge will be something you’re good at, like complaining. (Stephanie growls and follows him)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: I’m not a complainer. How dare you call me that! You never listen to me!  
\---> Ryan: (sarcastic) Yeah, that’s not complaining.

Don: (voice) The first five teams easily grab taxis that head for the airport. (Josee/Jacques, Macarthur/Sanders, Tom/Jen, Crimson/Ennui and June/Quince get in taxis.) Meanwhile, one team can't be taken seriously.

Dwayne: (He tries to hail a cab with Junior next to him. He still has the woman's tattoo.) Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! (One stops for them) There we are. (The cab driver looks at his tattoo and laughs. Dwayne looks unamused.) Get out of here. (The cab driver leaves)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Dad! Your tattoo is costing us the race!  
\---> Dwayne: Oh, so first it's my dance moves and now it's my tattoo?  
\---> Junior: (groans) You're still upset about yesterday?  
\---> Dwayne: (crosses his arms) Darn right I am. I am going to wear this tattoo with pride....... Or until we win the million and I can afford tattoo removal surgery.

Junior: (he uses the tip to cover up the tattoo and is able to get a taxi) Yes! (He and Dwayne get in)

Emma: (she waves her hand in the air) Taxi! (One stops for them)

Kitty: (she stops Emma from getting in the taxi) Wait! Shouldn't we wait for Owen and Noah?

Emma: What? No! If me and Noah are on a break, so is the alliance. (She gets in the cab)

Kitty: (sarcastically) This is going to be great. (Gets in the cab and it drives off)

Owen: (he's running for taxis while he carries Noah over his shoulders) Okay buddy, almost got a taxi!

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: (Noah sits next to him with the same saddened expression from last episode) See, Noah's never had a girlfriend before so he's definitely never been dumped before. Still, I think he's handling it well. (Noah falls to the ground) Oops! I got you buddy! (He picks up Noah and places him in his seat.) Good as new.

Don: (voice) Teams arrive at the airport and it's a mad dash to get tickets.

(The first seven taxis carrying the Goths, the Fashion bloggers, the Ice Dancers, The Cadets, The Julliard Students, The Anime Nerds and the Animaniacs arrive at the airport and they grab the tickets for the first flight.)

Don: (voice) The first seven teams are Alberta-bound while the remaining nine teams are thirty minutes behind them.

(We see what’s happening on flight number one. Tom and Jen listen to music via earbuds, they seem happy with what’s playing. They take out their earbuds)

Jen: Okay that was really good, what’s this band called gain?

Fabian: Bombay Bicycle Club and that was their song “It’s all right now”.

Tom: So transcendental, you know any other good artists on this thing?

Fabian: Oh here. (Finds another song on his iPod) This band mostly sings in the made up language of vonlenska and they’re Icelandic, so here’s a song called gobbledygook. (Tom and Jen laugh and then start to listen. They seem happy and so does Fabian. From a few rows down Jordan, May and Sam look at him happily)

Jordan: It’s so nice to see Fabian trying to make friends on this race.

May: He’s come along away from locking himself in the closet when guests came over and hiding behind the transformers at school during recess.

Sam: Him and me both.

(We focus our attention to flight number two with all nine teams scattered around the plane)

Emma: (looks at Noah who still looks sad) I-I think Noah is starting to get better, right? (Kitty cringes)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: I didn't want to squash my thing with Noah but I had no choice. You've seen what love does to me. I become a total nightmare and nightmares do NOT win games.  
\---> Kitty: Unless it's a horror-themed show, am I right? (Laughs until she sees Emma is unamused)

Junior: (he's seen watching Total Drama Pahkitew Island and laughing while Dwayne is crossing his arms mad) You still mad?

Dwayne: Yep. (Junior sighs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Dad, I already said I was sorry I don't see why you're still not forgiving me.  
\---> Dwayne: I'm still mad because.......... (He tears up and runs away)  
\---> Junior: Dad! What did I do?

(Syd sits in his seat with an eager look on his face)

Dani: Is something up Syd?

Syd: Nothing it’s just I’m really excited about today! I really wanna win this challenge!

Dani: Someone’s an eager beaver.

Syd: Well it’s like you said at the end of the finish line lies Aaryn and when we win we’re going on the BEST FIRST DATE EVER!

Dani: Remember I get a cut of the money too.

Syd: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want us to land already so we can start racing. Nothing’s gonna stop us today.

Pilot: (on intercom) Folks, this is your pilot speaking. A storm over Montana has delayed our flight.

Dani: Relax Syd it probably affected the other flight too.

Pilot: (on intercom) Just a freak storm. Only affects our flight.

Dani: Well corn shucks. (Goes back to reading “Atlas Shrugged”)

Syd: Damn it.

(Meanwhile in Alberta, flight number one is seen landing at the airport and the teams are driving in pickup trucks to the dude ranch)

Don: (voice) Flight number one with the first seven teams has landed in Alberta, Canada. Teams will drive pickup trucks out to the Wild West.

(On the open road, McArthur and Sanders are seen riding their pickup truck to the Don Box. Suddenly, something hits them from the back)

Sanders: WHOA! What was that?!

MacArthur: (looks at the side-view window and it shows the Ice Dancers grinning as they ram into their truck) It's the Ice Dancers! Wow, they look creepy as hell.

Josee: (she and Jacques pass them on their pickup) See you later, losers!

MacArthur: (they hit a rock cause a tire to lose air) Crap! We're losing this tire! (She tosses Sanders a roll of duct tape) You're going to need to patch it up.

Sanders: (stares at the roll of tape and MacArthur as she drives)............ You aren't going to stop first?

Macarthur: You’re right, new plan!

Jacques: (laughs) HA! Those morons didn't see it coming!

Josee: (smirks) We're unstoppable!

MacArthur: (glares) You wanna play rough, let's play rough. (She puts the pedal to the metal and rams into the Ice Dancers truck.) OH YEAH!

Josee/Jacques: (screams in fear) AUGHHHHHHHHHH! (MacArthur rams hard into the Ice Dancers' truck causing all of them to fall off a cliff. Josee and Jacques scream the entire way down)

(Confessional)  
\---> Macarthur: What can I say? You mess with the bull, you get the horns! (Sanders looks off to the camera confused)

Sam: (He and May drive and look around) Weird. I could have sworn that the Ice Dancers and the Cadets were ahead of us.

May: Okay, there could only be two explanations as to what happened. Either aliens or....... Nah, I'm sticking with aliens.

Sam: We really are a match made in hellish heaven. (Pulls her in closer)

(At this moment, flight number two is seen landing in Alberta, Canada as the nine bottom teams race for the pickup trucks. They driving anxiously trying to catch up to everyone else.)

Don: (voice) While two teams climb out of a literal rut, flight number two has landed a full hour after flight number one. And these teams know they'll be facing each other to avoid elimination. See the panic on their faces? Priceless! (Laughs)

Owen: (he's driving while Noah is still frowning) I only have a Learners Permit so I have to have a fully licensed passenger with me at all times. (Smiles at Noah) He's breathing so Noah still counts, right? (A goose hits their windshield) WHOA! (He tries using the windshield wiper but it fails. A bunny hits the window now.) Oh no! (A pig hits the front window) Oh boy! This was not taught in my Driver’s Ed class.

(At the Dude Ranch, June/Quince, Sam/May, and Fabian/Jordan arrive first.)

May: (grabs and reads the tip) It's an All-In. Tip your hat, split your jeans, and eat like a cowboy by all means. What?

(Don is seen standing in a kitchen stirring a pot. He's wearing a chef’s hat.)

Don: Working together, teammates must eat an entire pot of pork and beans. It's considered a delicacy out here. At the bottom of the pot they'll find their next travel tip. (He reaches the bottom of the pot and nearly gags) This is so gross! (Runs off)

(In the restaurant, May/Sam, June/Quince, and Jordan/Fabian sit in tables waiting for their pots. Two girls come out and give May/Sam and Fabian/Jordan their pots.)

Fabian: (looks inside) Good thing I didn’t eat anything on the flight over here.

Quince: Hey, where's our pot?

Girl: Should be out in a sec. (Another girl comes out from the kitchen holding a pot. She walks over and puts in on the Julliard Student's table) There you go.

June: (trembles) Oh god.

(Confessional)  
\---> June: I’ve got mixed feelings about this challenge. How about we split up the food, you eat the pork while I eat the beans?  
\---> Quince: I don’t know how we can do that without it being incredibly laborious. Just suck it up and eat, remember when you said you’d do anything for that million?  
\---> June: (defeated) Yes.

(At this time, Devin/Carrie, Geoff/Brody and Tom/Jen arrive)

Devin: (sighs after looking at the place)

Carrie: Is something the matter?

Devin: I always wanted to take Shelley to a dude ranch for one of our dates, but she always turned them down because she didn’t think they were as classy as normal restaurants.

Carrie: I would’ve gone to a dude ranch with you. (They hold a gaze until the restaurant doors slams open revealing Annie and Leo walking in)

Leo: Sorry no time to talk or apologize! (He pushes right through them while Annie takes the time to apologize)

Jen: (Her team looks for a place to sit) No offence to pickup trucks but I wouldn’t drive one unless it matched what I was wearing.

Tom: Ditto. (They sit down)

(Geoff and Brody sit down and the waitress gives them their pot)

Geoff: Whoa.

Brody: My favorite food to eat is totally pork and beans.

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: (he speaks while Brody chugs the pot in the background) We’ve totally got this challenge in the bag! We’re like wolverines, we’ve got insatiable appetites.

(Over by the Anime nerds and the Animanaics, the quartet eats their pork n beans until Fabian stops and gets an idea)

Fabian: I’ll be back. (Runs off into the kitchen)

Jordan: What’s he doing?

Sam: Probably going to the bathroom to make more space.

May: I just hope he’s not afflicted with food poisoning again. (Fabian comes out of the kitchen with a blender. He plugs it into a nearby outlet and carries his team’s pot and the Anime nerd’s pot over to it) What are you doing?

Fabian: (Uses a ladle to pour his team’s pot into the blender) The tip said we had to eat the pork and beans but it never said how. (Puts the lid on and blends the pork and beans. His friends all look on surprised, after a few seconds he takes off the lid and drinks the blended drink) Want some? (Offering it to Jordan)

Jordan: Ugh…

Fabian: Didn’t you say we can conquer any obstacle this show presents? Drink! (Jordan takes the blender and drinks the blended concoction. She’s actually surprised to find out she likes it and continues to drink) See it works.

Jordan: Yeah, this could be a good plan. (To her Brother’s team) You continue to eat, we’ll give you the blender when we’re done.

Sam: Got it. (He and May go back to eating. While Jordan finishes off what’s left and gives it back to Fabian who starts loading it with pork and beans again.)

Dwayne: (he and Junior arrive) Look at that! We've moved from 14th to 8th place! We got this.

Girl: (she gives them a pot) Hey, isn't that a woman's tattoo? (Walks off)

Dwayne: (glares) That's it! I need a black sharpie and a mirror now!

Junior: No time, dad! We need to start eating!

Dwayne: Relax, no one's going to finish this soon. It's a big pot. (They look over at Annie who’s slowly being lowered into the pot by her brother) Wow, she can eat. (He and Junior begin eating)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Annie may be small but she can eat like a shrew!  
\---> Annie: That’s kind of why I wanted to do the stew challenge in Morocco. But now Leo’s letting me tackle the preliminary of this challenge before he digs in. Fun fact, I actually beat a steakhouse’s 5 pound steak competition. And shortly after my breasts started to appear. Guess my body needed all that fat to start puberty.  
\---> Leo: Keep in mind this all happened when she was 14.

Gabriella: (She and Nekota stare at the pot and notice the beans) It may not be Paleo but here it goes! (Grabs a spoonful, eats it and then swallows it) Well? Join in!

Nekota: Got it! (Picks up a spoon and starts to eat)

(Ryan and Stephanie walk in and see the surfers chowing down)

Stephanie: (pointing to them) See? Dude advantage so strap on the old feedbag and let’s win this thing!

(A waitress gives them their pot)

Stephanie: (they open their pot) Beans?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: I'm not usually a picky eater but beans are the grossest food on the planet and shouldn’t be consumed by any human being. Ever!  
\---> Ryan: (Under his breath) Weak.

Ryan: (he's eating the pork n beans while Stephanie is struggling to eat one spoonful) Steph, this is an All-In meaning you also need to eat the pork n beans.

Stephanie: B-but I can't.... (Nearly gags)

Ryan: Just try, okay?

Stephanie: (she looks at Ryan’s pleading eyes and knows what she has to do) O-okay, I'll try. (She raises up the spoon) Okay, you can do this. It won't kill you........ (She drops it) I can't.....

Ryan: (groans as he keeps eating)

Dani: (Gets her team’s pot) Well this seems rather large so let’s just pace ourselves- (sees that her son is already digging in) Or just go at it like Tasmanian devils. (Starts eating)

(The waitress gives Crimson and Ennui their pot of pork and beans. Crimson sighs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: This place reminds me of my grandmother’s farm. I spent a lot of summers there as a kid.

(Outside the dude ranch, Emma and Kitty have just arrived and read the tip)

Emma: (reads) Hope you have an appetite cause we're going to be eating a whole hell of a lot.

Kitty: (hears honking) You hear something?

Owen: (he's honking the car which is full of animals) WATCH OUT!

Emma/Kitty: AUGHHHHHHHHHH! (They jump out of the way as Owen crashes into a fence)

Owen: Hehe, whoops?

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: (he's holding Noah in the confessional with a pig, a cow, a rabbit, a goose, a cat, a fish, a horse, a lizard, and a bear.) I may need to work on my driving. (Looks around) Wow, there are a lot of animals here.

Stephanie: Ryan eat faster!

Ryan: I can’t do this by myself. You need to eat with me otherwise we’ll both be penalized!

Stephanie: I know that! But I just can’t do it!

Ryan: Come on you ate scorpions and worms, this is pork and beans!

(At this moment, all the teams, minus the Ice Dancers and Cadets, are at the dude ranch eating the beans.)

Don: (voice) As most teams are stuffing their faces with beans, two have yet to start. (The Cadets finally arrive with the Ice Dancers following) And there they are.

Josee: The don box! (She and Jacques run. The cadets follow behind and they all go into the restaurant)

MacArthur: (Sits down) So what do we got here? (Looks at the pot and smells it) A disgusting amount of pork n beans...... FOR FREE?! (She grabs the pot and begins to chug the beans, Sanders tries to grab some with her spoon)

Sanders: Now just let me get a little-

MacArthur: (glares) Get your own pot! (Keeps on eating)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: Someone’s got a sharing problem.  
\---> MacArthur: And I forgive you.

Don: (voice) After forty minutes of eating, the Surfers finish their pot first.

Geoff: (his mouth is covered in beans) Done! (Reads the tip) It's a random Botch-or-Watch. Whoever isn't holding the tip has to ride a mechanical bull?

(Don is seen on the other side of the dude ranch with a large mechanical bull next to him. A timer is seen behind the bull.)

Don: The Bull-Buster 3000, the most dangerous mechanical bull in the world! (The bull snorts out steam from its nose) Botchers have to stay on the bull for a full eight seconds. (The timer on the wall sets itself up to 00:08 seconds) Once they complete the task it's out that door (points to the saloon door behind him), down this path (a rocky path outside is shown), and to the Chill Zone! (He's now standing on the Chill Zone on top of the cliff) Last team to arrive may be out of the Race.

Brody: (He gets on the bull. He's wearing a helmet.) This will be easy. (The bull snorts out steam. Brody seems worried.) Uhhh..... (The bull moves once and literally throws Brody from it) AUGHHHHH! (Crashes into the bar area)

MacArthur: Nice impact positioning.

Sanders: (goes up to him) You alright?

Brody: (groans) N-never better..... (To Geoff) Was that eight seconds?

Geoff: (looks at the time which is still at 00:08) Dude, that was like, no seconds.

(A montage plays. The banjo plays in the background as the teams go through the challenge. Ryan is still eating from the pot while Stephanie can't even put a single spoonful in her mouth. Brody is seen holding onto the bull but struggles. He falls into a patch of hay where Geoff and Sanders cringe. Dani and Syd eat but Syd finds this challenge more difficult than he imagined. MacArthur is still shoveling the beans down her gullet. Carrie eats by the spoonful and Devin has his face in the pot. The Animaniacs continue to blend their pot’s contents and drink it while the anime nerds wait and continue to eat. June eats hastily while Quince eats quicker than her. Annie has taken a break from eating to let her brother chow down. Gabriella and Nekota eat like well-oiled machines. The Goths eat emotionlessly while Loki watches from Ennui’s shirt. Emma and Kitty are eating the pork n beans hastily while Tom and Jen eat without their shirts on so as not to stain them. Dwayne burps causing Junior to laugh. Owen is feeding Noah who still has a face of shock. Josee and Jacques are gagging as they eat their beans.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: There are worst things to be forced to choke down.  
\---> Josee: Like a silver medal! (Brody crashes into the saloon behind them) That sounded like it hurt.  
\---> Jacques: I hope it did.

Owen: (he's still force feeding Noah) Here comes the choo-choo train! (Laughs as he eats some beans for himself)

Emma: (watching all this) Maybe it's just a total coincidence that Noah went into a state of shock the moment I broke up with him. Right?

Kitty: Uhhhhhhh......

Emma: Couldn't you just agree with me for once?

Gabriella: (looking over at the Ice Dancers) Nice to see the Ice Dancers don’t have leg up in this challenge.

Nekota: I would say eat our beans but you 2 seem to be struggling enough. (Goes back to eating)

Josee: Eat faster! We can’t let that mule and that donkey place ahead of us! (Shovels the food down)

Jacques: I wouldn’t worry too much. (Points to Stephanie and June) Those two seem to find this challenge hard to swallow.

(Stephanie can’t bring herself to eat another spoonful while June eats slowly with watery eyes, Quince stops eating to talk to her)

Quince: Is everything alright, it looks like you’re in pain?

June: (with teary eyes) I’m fine. (Eats another spoonful with caution)

Quince: June listen I know that as a vegetarian this goes against your whole philosophy but come, you could be eating worse things! Remember China?

June: I just can’t help it, this feels wrong!

Quince: Okay that’s it. (Sits down) You obviously can’t do the challenge so let’s just sit here and await defeat.

June: You can’t seriously be considering giving up?

Quince: Why not? You already have.

June: I’m not giving up I’m just… I can’t help it it’s just… this is really hard for me to do!

Quince: Have you ever let that sentence stop you before? All those AP classes, all those extra credit projects, all those dance routines, all those long hours spent ironing out every detail and making sure your homework was top of the class didn’t mean anything? You’ve never let anything stop you, are you gonna let a pot of legumes and swine do it?!

June: (determined) You’re right! (Grabs spoon and starts eating faster) I’m putting aside all my principles until we win this show!

Quince: That’s what I like to hear! (Joins her in eating)

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: I knew if I wanted to get June to do this, I had to attack her ego and make her feel worthless. She won’t back down from anything if she feels her perfect record is on the line.

Don: (voice) As most of our teams choke down the beans, our first place teams are trying not to choke.

(Brody is thrown to a wall after only being on the bull for three seconds. He's then thrown against the roof by the bull after being on it for four seconds. He attempts to go again but he's throw face-first on the floor after being on the bull for two seconds. Geoff is worried and cringes.)

Geoff: Brody’s not doing so well but since nobody else has finished yet, it’s all good. (Brody is thrown into him)

(Stephanie looks down at the pot worryingly again)

Ryan: Come on babe I know you can do this. You’re stronger and scarier than anyone else I know. Just take a deep breath. And- (Stephanie tries to eat again but drops it in disgust and starts gagging a little) Okay, maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you can’t do it, maybe you’re not strong at all. Maybe you’re a loser!

Stephanie: (Gets determined) Let's do this! (She begins to scarf the beans)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: As a certified trainer I know how to motivate people who lack confidence. And man you scarfed those things down like they were nothing.  
\---> Stephanie: (holds her stomach) I think eating those beans fast was a bad idea..... (Grabs a bucket ready to barf at any moment)

Owen: (his stomach begins to rumble) Uh oh! Beans are shifting! (He massively farts. Emma holds her nose. Syd nearly gags. Loki smells and faints. The glass windows shatter due to the power of the fart.) Uh.......

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: (smiles) Man, that guy can fart! (Sanders wears a gas mask)

Devin: (finishes) Done! (Wipes face with napkin)

Carrie: Looks like you enjoyed your meal. (Grabs the tip) Looks like you need to ride the mechanical bull. (Devin smiles. He runs over to the bull just as Brody falls off again and his smile evaporates)

Jen: Looks like Devin and Carrie are done. We should pick up the pace.

Tom: Got it. (They continue to eat)

(At the cadets table MacArthur continues to hog all the pork n beans)

Sanders: MacArthur this is an all-in, we both have to eat. (Tries to grab a spoonful again but is swatted away once again)

MacArthur: You want some? Prove it!

Sanders: How am I supposed to- (looks over beyond Macarthur) Hey is that guy stealing from the cash register?

MacArthur: (stops eating and turns to her left) What?! (She runs off to find the perpetrator. She turns around and sees Sanders eating from the pot) Huh, clever girl.

(Over by the quartet Jordan and Fabian have gulped down the last of the blended beans)

Fabian: Well that was good but my grandma still makes the best pork and beans.

Jordan: Amen to that. (A noise exits her body, everyone stops and stares at her) I want to apologize, I’m not even confident which end that came out of. (Everyone goes back to eating)

Fabian: (reaches inside and grabs the tip and reads it) Oh, well I don’t normally express gratitude in not getting challenges but… I’m really grateful this time! (Shows the tip to Jordan who reads it. She looks as Brody gets thrown off the bull again)

Jordan: (sarcastically) Great. Okay I’ll do it, I just need to sit and digest a little before I go. (Sits down. To her brother) You guys can use the blender now.

Sam: It’s smoothie time.

May: About time, we’re only half way done. (She and Sam pour the contents of the pot into the blender then press blend. They wait to drink it while Jordan sits around)

Dani: Well we’re almost done. Syd how are you holding up? (Turns to see her son looking rather bloated and nauseous)

Syd: I’ll be fine but I don’t think I should move around for a while, I should sit and digest.

Dani: Well I think I can finish it off.

Syd: You do that. (Dani continues eating while Syd sits)

Annie: (Looks at Syd concerned. She turns to find June looking similar and then gets an idea. She turns to her brother who’s finished eating and the pot is empty) I’m gonna go in the kitchen. (Reaches in and takes the tip and reads it) You’re on the bull.

Leo: (looks at the bull and is kind of frightened) Great. Well better me than her.

Quince: (Sees Annie heading to the kitchen and sees his chance) June I’m gonna go help Annie with something, do you mind staying here? (June nods) I will see you soon. (Heads into the kitchen and sees Annie) Hey you need some help with something?

Annie: You sure you wanna help me?

Quince: June will be fine she’s not going anywhere, hell I don’t think she can.

Annie: Well that’s actually why I came here. I’m gonna fix Syd and June something to cure their indigestion. Wanna help?

Quince: Sure.

Annie: Okay then. (Pulls out a blindfold and puts it on Quince) 1st things 1st.

Quince: Ugh what’s this?

Annie: The blindfold my brother sleeps with. I can’t divulge the recipe for my grandmother’s cure all tea. I’ll grab the ingredients and then we’ll split the work 50/50, I promise I’ll guide you. 

Quince: Okay then.

Annie: (looks at the camera) And turn that camera off, switch to someone else. (Goes off to gather ingredients and the cameras switch to something else)

(Elsewhere we see Junior walking around until he walks into May)

Junior: Hey May.

May: Hi Junior. Taking a break?

Junior: Yep, you too?

May: Same. But I think Sam’s got this. (We see Sam chugging down the contents of the blender like it was nothing) Not only does he look like a zombie, he’s got the appetite of one too.

Junior: Yeah, he’s so cool. I wish my dad was like that. Now he’s just sulking.

May: Why?

Junior: Yesterday at the Haka dance I told him he wasn’t cool and he never would be, but in my defense his attempts to look cool were constantly costing us the challenge.

May: Well that might partially be my fault.

Junior: You tried to sabotage us?

May: No, I told your father he should go with the flow so you would think he’s cool. Guess he took it the wrong way.

Junior: (sighs) Why does my dad even try to be cool, he’s not going to impress everyone.

May: He doesn’t want to impress everyone, just you. You’re his son, he’s put in 13 years of his life into raising you. Being his son you’re kind of like a savings account, you want to see it grow so you put in a lot of time and effort for it, and you’d do anything for it. He told me the reason he signed you two signed up for this race was to get closer to you. He wants to spend as much time with you as possible. And I can already tell he’ll do anything for you, like a good parent would. So offer up a few choice words of encouragement every now and then. (She leaves to go back to eating) 

Junior: Really? (Looks at his father who’s gone back to eating. He thinks that maybe May is right, he could give his father some more encouragement)

Devin: First place! (Holds onto the bull as it starts up again but gets thrown off after only a few seconds)

Geoff: (helping Brody up) See man, that bull is unbeatable. (Crimson gets on the bull and successfully stays on for the 8 allotted seconds. When time’s up she, Loki, and Ennui run. Geoff and Brody look dumbfounded.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: Riding mechanical bulls is way easier than riding real ones. (Beat) I don’t want to talk about it.

(Stephanie and Ryan are done)

Stephanie: There, finished. Now grab the tip!

Ryan: Why don’t you grab it? (They overhear Dani from the other table)

Dani: (reading) Who ever isn’t holding the tip must ride a mechanical bull. (Looks at her son and realizes he’s in no shape to ride that thing. Places the tip in his hand and then gets in line. Which now includes Sam, Jordan, Nekota, Tom, Leo and Devin)

(Ryan and Stephanie then fight for the tip. Stephanie initially has it until Ryan steals it away from her, she then punches him in the gut and takes it. Ryan grabs it and they enter a game of tug of war)

Brody: Dude I’d hang up my hat but I don’t have one.

Geoff: Wait! I’ve got a hat. (Places his cowboy hat on Brody’s head) If you wear it with pride then we can’t lose.

Brody: (genuinely touched) Dude... (Climbs onto the bull and it start up again) Duuuude! (He holds on for dear life and manages to hold on all 8 seconds) I did it!

Geoff: Nice! Let’s boogie dude! (They run off to the chill zone.)

MacArthur: Way to ride that pile of bolts with your meaty thighs man! (Sanders finishes and gets the tip) Yeah! Let me at that thing! (They run off passing the Ice Dancers, who hurry up with eating)

Jen: You know, Geoff makes his appearance work, hat or no hat.

Tom: Totally, except without it he looks more… mature.

Josee: Done! (She groans)

Jacques: (burps) Gross. So who gets the tip? (They look over at the bull and are frightened)

Josee/Jacques: ..............

Jacques: (she and Josee tackle each other to the floor for the tip but Jacques stands up with the tip victoriously) Victory! (Josee punches him in the stomach) AUGHHH! (Falls to the ground an drops the tip)

Josee: (grabs the tip) HA!

Jordan: (is on the bull now) Okay, (Takes off pants to tie herself to the bull) Go! (The timer starts and the bull bucks wildly but Jordan hangs on all 8 seconds) Woo hoo! (Gets off and puts her pants back on) Let’s go! (She and Fabian leave)

Sam: Don’t wait up for us, this’ll be over quickly. (Gets on the cattle and does what Jordan just did, it works just as well with him.) Yes! (Gets off and puts his pants back on) Let’s jet! (He and May run off)

Don: (voice) With our first four teams done with the bull challenge, they are neck and neck for the Chill Zone!

(On the rocky mountain path, Geoff/Brody, May/Sam, and Jordan/Fabian run together and the goths are nowhere to be found. All 3 teams look determined to get first. In the final dash for the Chill Zone, the Surfers get there first.)

Don: Surfers! You get first place again!

Brody/Geoff: Woo hoo! (They cheer and hug each other they then hug Don)

Don: Why are you hugging me?

Geoff: It just felt right!

Don: (Annoyed) Well first place is gone so now it’s a race for anything but last place. (Pushes them aside) And for coming in first you two win a Leatherwork portrait of your team.

Geoff: I don’t know how Bridgette’s gonna feel about that.

Don: (Notices the anime nerds and the Animaniacs arriving in that order) 2nd place to Sam and May, 3rd place to Jordan and Fabian.

Sam/May: Yes!

Jordan: Good thinking with the blender man.

Fabian: It was nothing.

(Back at the ranch Devin is hanging onto the bull for dear life, the timer dings and he completes the challenge)

Devin: (steps off the bull a bit wearily) Yes, I did it! (Falls down)

Tom: (handing his glasses over to Jen) Hold onto these, I don’t want them to break.

(With Jen’s help he gets onto the bull, when the ride starts he wraps his arms around the bull’s neck and keeps his legs pinned to the bull’s side. He screams as it rocks back and forth but manages to stay on all 8 seconds)

Jen: Yay! We can go! (Tom gets off the bull and also falls down) Maybe we should carry them a little?

Carrie: Good point. (She and Jen carry the boys piggyback style out the restaurant)

(In the kitchen Annie and Quince are seen conversing while a tea kettle boils. Quince has taken off the blindfold.)

Annie: I think “ Kingdom of Ice” is overrated too, I mean I’m just supposed to believe that a woman can assume rule of Norway after years of psychological damage and it can all be fixed by just “the power of love by your sister”. I mean I know they use “the power of love” a lot but that just seemed like a fast forward button on the plot.

Quince: I agree, the songs and score are nice and some of the animation is too, though El Libro de la Vida was A LOT more impressive and it was made on a smaller budget and was only that studios 2nd film, but the story, character design, and dialogue in Kingdom of Ice seem so half assed for such a major studio.

Annie: I wouldn’t use that word but yes, the film does seem half baked, like when you first try to make a soufflé.

Quince: And it still won the Oscar for best animated movie, it really should’ve gone to “The wind shall rise again”

Annie: (Tears up a little) I know, so beautiful.

Quince: So your Grandma claims this’ll cure anything?

Annie: Well it hasn’t failed anyone in our family yet. (Laughs) And thanks for all the help in preparation, sorry I had to blindfold you but no one outside the family must know of the tea’s ingredients.

Quince: I understand entirely and it was no big deal. You’re a lot of fun to be around man.

Annie: Man?

Quince: Sorry it’s just that I tend to call a lot of people that.

Annie: Oh I’m not offended I’m just… well people tend to call me some variation of little sister or girl, it’s kind of nice to be seen as just a person and not some little girl. I kind of hit puberty late. Most people tend to mistake me for a freshman and when I was a freshman they mistook me for a visiting middle schooler, I’ve always sort of felt too young to hang with people my own age, that and the fact that almost no one understands my love of Broadway as much as my brother does. So it’s kind of just been me and him against the world.

Quince: I know how that feels. For the longest time I thought I was alone but then I met June. Yeah she’s not always great but I really wouldn’t trade her for anyone.

Annie: A song of friendship that will stand the test of time, always a Tony winner in my book.

Quince: Well stop me if you’ve heard this song before. (Sings) In a world that won’t let you feel, in a world where nothing seems real, you have found me, and I have found you. On a show where nothing can last, on a race that’s moving too fast, I will hold you, and I will love you.

Annie: “Last night of the world” from Miss Saigon, one of my favorite songs and musicals.

Quince: Same man, same. (They stare longingly until Annie looks at a clock)

Annie: Oh, tea’s done! (Runs over to the kettle, puts on a glove and pours the tea into two cups) I’m coming! (Runs out of the kitchen)

Quince: Missed it again. (Runs out to help June in case he needs to)

June: (Still having trouble digesting. Annie gives her the tea) What’s this?

Annie: My grandma’s cure all tea. Drink it to cure indigestion.

June: Anything to feel better. (Drinks the tea then starts burping, she really does feel and look better) Wow! I feel great!

Annie: Told you it works. (Runs off with the other cup and Quince runs up to June)

Quince: (to June) are you okay?

June: (Gets up) Yeah I feel great, in fact grab that tip, I’m taking on the bull!

Quince: (Grabs tip from their pot) Are you sure?

June: I’m the one who can balance on my tip toes, jump and then land on them! I’ve got this! (Gets in line as Nekota and Gabriella leave the restaurant)

Dani: (goes to check in on her son) Syd I fell off the bull but I lasted 7 seconds, so one more try and we should be ready to go.

Syd: (Still a little bloated) Okay.

Dani: Are you sure you’re okay?

Annie: He’ll be fine, as soon as he drinks this. (Gives him the tea)

Syd: I really don’t know about this.

June: (Yelling) Try it! It totally works!

Syd: I suppose I have nothing to lose but my lunch. (Drinks it and starts burping, he starts to look and feel better until he is) Wow? What’s in that tea?

Annie: Family secret.

Syd: I get you. (To Dani) Okay mom you wait in line by the bull, I’ll wait over by the doors so that when you’re done we can hightail it out of here.

Dani: Nice to see you back in the game! (Runs over to the line which now includes June, Kitty, MacArthur, Jacques, Dwayne, & Stephanie. Leo is now getting off the bull.)

Leo: (Runs over to his sister and grabs her) I’m done! Let’s go! (Drags her to the doors. Stops to speak to June) Good luck June!

June: You to! (Waves good bye as they exit the restaurant)

(Dwayne tries jumping on the bull but falls trying to get on. June gets on the bull and almost makes it but falls off at the last second. MacArthur also falls off so close to being done, she doesn’t take it well. Stephanie gets thrown into the hay while Ryan secretly snickers. Jacques is thrown around like a rag doll by the bull. Kitty gets on the bull and is seen to be doing pretty good. The eight seconds runs out and she cheers.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: (Kitty is checking out her phone) I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed.  
\---> Kitty: (smiles) Finally! (Pulls Emma in) CELEBRATION SELFIE! (Takes a selfie)

Kitty: Let's go! (They see Owen bringing Noah to the bull)

Owen: (puts Noah on the bull) Okay buddy, just try to stay loose. (Noah falls off the bull) Yeah, just like that!

Emma: (to Kitty) Noah's faking it RIGHT?! If he isn't, I just broke literally the most perfect thing in the world and there's no way I'd do that because that would be horrible, RIGHT?! (Noah is seen being flopped around on the bull until it throws him into a wall)........

Kitty: ........ M-maybe we should go the Chill Zone.... (She and Emma run)

Junior: (Dwayne is on the bull) Come on dad! You got this! You can do this! You’re cool!

Dwayne: (Determined he gets on and he's able to hold on for eight seconds) Yes! (He gets off) This totally redeems me for getting a girl's tattoo!

Junior: (laughs) Not really. (Dwayne seems unamused) Okay maybe a little. (Dwayne lightens up) Come on! (He and Dwayne head for the Chill Zone)

(At the Chill Zone, Don is seen waiting for the teams to arrive)

Don: (Crimson/Ennui arrive) What the hell, you guys we’re in the lead what happened?

Crimson: We say this buffalo’s skull rotting in the sun so…

Don: Forget I asked, you two are in 4th. (They run off to the side as Tom/Jen arrive) 5th place! (Devin/Carrie arrive) 6th place! (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 7th!

Nekota: Lucky number 7.

Gabriella: And we placed ahead of the ice dancers! Again! (They hug in celebration)

(Back at the restaurant Stephanie is back on the bull and is staying on this time)

Stephanie: That’s right bull! Buck all you want I’ll still hang on! I hate you more than I hate beans!

Ryan: That’s it babe! Feel the hate! (Timer dings)

Stephanie/Ryan: Yes! (Stephanie hops off the bull)

Ryan: Man (stares at her lovingly) I can almost feel the venom coursing through your veins- (Stephanie slap him out of it)

Stephanie: Fawn over me later. Let’s go!

Ryan: Good call. (They leave)

Don: (Leo/Annie arrive) 8th! (Emma/Kitty arrive) 9th! (Dwayne/Junior arrive) 10th place to the other mother and son team.

Dwayne: (crosses his arms and grumbles) I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?

Don: Nope. Not in the slightest.

(Back at the restaurant MacArthur hangs onto the bull)

MacArthur: Slow your roll, meatball. (The timer dings) Yes! (She and Sanders leave)

June: (Gets on) Hit me with your best shot! (The bull starts bucking and she holds on for dear life, almost falling off but successfully stays on)

Quince: Yes!

June: (Getting off) Come on let’s go! (They run off)

Syd: Come on mom it’s getting down to the wire!

Dani: On it! (Tries to get on but Josee pushes her out of the way and puts Jacques on)

Josee: Come on Jacques! We're losing!

Jacques: Okay, I know! (He holds on tight and tightens his butt) I'm ready! (The bull literally just goes up and down to hit him in the testicles) OWW! (Hit again) WHY (Hit again) IS (Hit again) IT (Hit again) ONLY (Hit again) GOING (Hit again) UP (Hit again) AND (It hits him so hard that he screams like a girl) Mommy..... (Falls off the bull after eight seconds)

Josee: No time to rest Jacques! Move it! (She runs with Jacques weakly running behind her)

Dani: (Gets up) Rude! (Hops on the bull and holds on) Woo hoo! Just like my 24th birthday in Las Vegas! (The timer stops and she gets off) Come on Syd!

Syd: Yes! We’ve still got a chance! (They run to the chill zone)

Owen: (Places Noah limp and dangling on the bull) Come on buddy try to hang on! (The bull tosses him like a pancake during his run but somehow he doesn’t fall off and completes the challenge) Good job. Now! (Runs off carrying him)

Don: (Stephanie and Ryan arrive) 11th place!

Stephanie/Ryan: Yes!

Stephanie: 12th place can suck it!

MacArthur: I certainly hope you don’t mean us.

Don: Cadets take 12th! (June/Quince arrive) And the Julliard students take 13th!

June: Is it weird that I’m actually not all that angry about where we placed?

Quince: Nope, now there’s something I have to do. (Runs off to find Annie) Annie!

Annie: Yes?

Quince: I’m through stalling, would you seriously want to go out with me?!

Annie: Oh definitely yes! (They hug) But let’s keep all affection on hold until after the race.

Quince: Understood. (June and Leo look on)

Leo: Since when did this show turn into blind date?

June: Isn’t someone being hypocritical?

Leo: I guess.

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: And you said no one on this show is worthy to date. We’ve both got date mates now!  
\---> Leo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might I remind you there’s still a monetary prize to win?  
\---> Annie: Oh I know that. But money is just material, but love is eternal!

(Confessional)  
\---> June: I’m really proud of you man. Just don’t let your feelings get in the way of our game.  
\---> Quince: Wouldn’t dream of it, but I will dream of her.

Don: (Josee and Jacques arrive) Sorry to let you know but you guys are in 14th place! (They don't get angry) Huh?! Nothing?! I could have sworn you two would have lost it. (They smile smugly as they walk off-screen) Anyways, with two teams still out there, it's a Race for not-last place!

(The Reality TV Pros and the Mother/Son are seen running up the mountain path. Dani and Syd look worried as they run and they are currently in last place.)

Dani: For a big guy he’s pretty quick when he needs to be!

Syd: I’m sure if he put his mind to it he probably would’ve been a good football player!

(Owen is getting tired as he carries Noah over his shoulders. In the end, Owen and Noah arrive first. Owen drops Noah on the Chill Zone.)

Don: Reality TV Pros, you barely made it but you're in 15th!

Owen: (pants) Hooray..... (Collapses on the ground) I'm going to nap now. (Falls asleep)

Emma: (goes up to Noah who's still frowning on the ground) Noah, I am so sorry that I broke up with you. I didn't mean to break you. I still like you and I really want to be with you.

Noah: ....... (Gasps loudly) You do?!

Emma: (smiles) Yeah, it's just that I can't do the romance during the competition until after the Race is over. But when my teams wins we are so on!

Noah: (smiles) Sweet. So when one us wins - (cut off)

Emma: (glares and drops him) Didn't you hear me?! When MY team wins!

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: So if we win she won't date you?  
\---> Noah: (scratches the back of his head) I guess not?  
\---> Owen: Wow that is cold.  
\---> Noah: I know. (Smiles) Isn't she just the coolest?  
\---> Owen: I was thinking of another word but sure, cool works.

Don: (Dani and Syd finally arrive) Danielle and Sydney I'm sorry but you're the last team to arrive.(They frown) But-(cut off)

Syd: (Gasps) It's a non-elimination round?!

Dani: We get to stay! (She and Syd cheer)

Don: No, you're still being cut from the competition. I'm sorry.

Syd: Oh.....

Dani: What was so important that you needed to tell us?

Don: (thinks) You know, I don't remember now. (Glares) See that's what happens when you interrupt people. They forget things.

Syd: (really disappointed) Aww.

Dani: (hugs Syd) Thank you for this sweetie, I had the most wonderful time. (Syd hugs back)

=== Best of Dani and Syd=== (The screen shows Dani and Syd’s best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Dani and Syd voice over as the scenes are showed)

Dani: (voice) I'm not too mad that we lost the Race. We played a pretty good game.

Syd: (voice) I’m sorry if I got a little pushy at times but I just was so worried about losing, but now that we have lost I don’t feel like we failed.

Dani: (voice) We both did so many fun and unexpected things I never thought we would or could do.

Syd: (voice) Yeah, like when you rocked out in Finland! That was seriously epic! I was so surprised by what we accomplished or rather what you accomplished.

Dani: (voice) Well I guess this old cat still has some tricks in her bag.

Syd: (Voice) Yeah, not to mention I got a boyfriend out of all this. Hope he’s waiting for me like he said, and I hope he’ll take me without the money I promised to win.

Dani: (Voice) I’m sure he’ll love you regardless of the $1 million prize.

(Dani and Syd are seen walking on a road towards the sunset)

Dani: So should we go home now or do want to find Aaryn and go on that epic date you promised him?

Syd: Home first, then date.

Dani: Good call. Mind if Yves and I tag along? Maybe a formal hang out between the four of us is better than just the two of you.

Syd: Yeah that does sound better. I love you mom.

Dani: Me too Syd honey, me too. (Dani and Syd hold hands as they continue to walk down the road. The camera pans over to the setting sun.)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the sentimental cowboy music
> 
> In what I'm sure is a big shock to a lot of you I've eliminated my 2nd fanon team. Syd and Dani were a nice team to write for and they will be missed but they've got a challenge win to their names and Syd still has Aaryn, we'll meet them all again in the finale. Other things that happened, Emma and Noah got back together & Quince and Annie got together. Favorite part of writing this episode: I really like the idea i got to have one of my teams blend the beans to drink them, then that shout out to Bridesmaids 
> 
>  
> 
> Next episode: North Pole
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Geoff & Brody (1st Place)  
> Sam & May (2nd Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (3rd Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (4th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (5th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (6th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (7th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (8th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (9th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (10th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (11th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (12th Place)  
> June & Quince (13th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (14th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (15th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	20. Lord of the Ring Toss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teams go even farther up north to the Arctic Circle, where they must build igloos and participate in an unusual game of narwhal ring toss.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams were full of beans. Who knew so many people hated pork n beans. Alberta showed many people it's rough and tough nature. Quince and Annie followed in their teammate’s footsteps by dating each other, Dwayne was still made fun of because of his tattoo, and Jordan and Fabian blended their way to success. The surfer dudes unsurprisingly won the dude ranch challenge. Emma told Noah they can be together after the Race is over. Total bull..... happened next, but Syd and Dani really grew closer and connected, and then took several connecting flights home after they were eliminated. Who’s being returned to their sender next? Find out here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don is seen standing on the cliff from yesterday's Chill Zone. Geoff and Brody stand in front of Don with a Don Box near them.)

Don: We're back in Southern Alberta and yesterday's winners are about to grab today's first tip. (The Surfers run for the Don Box)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: Man it was so sweet winning a second time.  
\---> Brody: Truth, yo!  
\---> Geoff: It would be even sweeter to win two legs in a row but it would also be sweet just to win the whole damn thing!

Geoff: (reads the tip) Looks like we're going to the Arctic Circle.

Brody: (smiles) Sweet! Snow day!

(Don stands in a slideshow of the Arctic Circle.)

Don: The Arctic Circle, home to the harshest climates, whitest animals, and famous storybook characters. (He stands in the Arctic Circle next to a Cessna plane while he wears a white parka jacket. He's walking towards a Don Box.) Teams will arrive here by Cessna. It's here that they'll receive their next tip. (He grabs a tip from the Don Box which is revealed to be a Boomerang) As an added bonus, teams have a chance to grab a Boomerang. Just our way of adding some more “That was COLD!" to this challenge.

(After the surfers grab their tip, the Best Friends, Animaniacs, anime nerds, siblings, cadets, ice dancers, reality tv pros, sisters, fashion bloggers, daters, goths, Julliard students and the gym rats grabs their tips and head for the Cessnas. Geoff/Brody, Crimson/Ennui, Carrie/Devin, Tom/Jen, Sam/May and Jordan/Fabian get on the first Cessna. Nekota/Gabriella, Emma/Kitty, Leo/Annie and Dwayne/Junior get on the second Cessna. Stephanie/Ryan, MacArthur/Sanders, June/Quince, Josee/Jacques, and Owen/Noah get on the third and final Cessna as each takes off thirty minutes apart.)

Don: (voice) The remaining teams grab their tips and board the Cessnas, each thirty minutes apart from each other. The teams try to relax as they head to the Arctic Circle. Where the ice is almost as thick as the tensions between our teams.

(On the first Cessna, the Surfers sleep next to each other and the goths sit across from them. Jordan and Fabian sit across from May and Sam, Fabian looks nervous and unhappy. Carrie and Devin sit across from Tom and Jen.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I really appreciate Carrie being so chill about us lately. When your best friend turns out to have a crush on you, and doesn’t immediately jump at the chance to ask you out the moment your girlfriend dumps you, you know that you have an awesome friend. I think I’ve mostly got my thoughts straightened out, but if Carrie can me give me some space for a little while longer, that would be great.

Fabian: (moaning) Oh the Arctic?

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: I really don’t like the cold, or snow, or ice.  
\---> May: We grew up in the bay area of California, kind of dry and kind of temperate all year round. Fabian is kind of intolerant to temperatures not in the 60-79 Fahrenheit range.  
\---> Fabian: I’m just thankful I date someone who winters in Canada’s warmest city.

(On the second Cessna, Emma and Kitty are seen sleeping next to each other. Leo is sleeping next to Annie. Gabriella and Nekota are dead asleep. Dwayne is sleeping next to Junior. Junior and Annie talk.)

Junior: I think it’s really great that you found love with Quince, you two seem pretty perfect for each other.

Annie: Really?

Junior: Yeah I don’t know two people who look and sound like they’d be in a classical painting or a Broadway duet more.

Annie: Oh thank you. (Notices Junior looks sad) Is something the matter?

Junior: Well Carrie admitted her feelings to Devin and now I can’t tell her how I feel about her.

Annie: She may have a crush on Devin but I still think you should at least admit your feelings for her.

Junior: Really?

Annie: Everyone should have the right to know how people feel about them, hell I was partially responsible in getting her to admit her feelings to Devin. You should at least confess your feelings for her even if she probably won’t reciprocate.

Junior: You really think so?

Annie: Yeah. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to sleep what little time we have left. (Falls asleep)

Junior: She’s right. (Falls asleep too)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: I’m gonna tell her how I feel and at least get that off my chest, and who knows maybe she’ll reciprocate?

(On the third Cessna, Josee/Jacques stand while Owen sits nervously next to Noah. June and Quince sit next to each other. Ryan and Stephanie sit apart from each other and Sanders and MacArthur sleep next to each other.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: We’ve only come in first place once, and that’s because you keep dragging us down.  
\---> Ryan: Me? Last time you could barely eat anything.  
\---> Stephanie: Hey, hey, hey let’s not play the blame game here.

Owen: (to Noah) T-These little planes are safe, right Noah?

Noah: (smiles) Yeah buddy, we'll be safe.

Owen: (smiles) Well, that's a relief. Thanks!

Josee: (goes up to Owen) I don't know, I heard that eighty-six percent of small planes crash, burn, and blow up! BOOM!

Noah: .......

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Oh who does she think she’s fooling, no one would EVER believe that!

Noah: (deadpan) You have got to be kidding me.

Owen: HOLD ME! (He grabs Noah and begins to crush him in fear)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: After such a long steak of failing we finally got it back in New Zealand and then those cadets ripped it away from us last challenge  
\---> Jacques: All the teams are in our way in some shape or form.  
\---> Josee: Which is why they’re all going down. We’ll just start with the teams in our closest vicinity, which includes the daters, the reality pros, those wannabe musicians, and especially those damn cadets! As an ice dancers you either play mind games or you get use to saying “I used to be an ice dancer”.

Jacques: (laughs) Wow that was good Josee.

Josee: (laughs) I know right!

(June looks at them bitterly)

(Confessional)  
\---> June: New plan of attack: we find a way to eliminate the ice dancers.  
\---> Quince: Why? They haven’t caused us any trouble.  
\---> June: Trust me, I can sense an evil seed when I see it.  
\---> Quince: Didn’t you say the same thing about literally everyone else when we started this race?  
\---> June: I may have exaggerated then but I’m not exaggerating now. They’re evil and we’re not going to let them kick us out of the competition!

(The first Cessna is seen landing in the Arctic Circle. The teams come out wearing white thermal body skins to keep them from freezing, except Crimson and Ennui who wear black. They race for the Don Box.)

Don: (voice) Our first 6 teams have arrived in the Arctic Circle and are heading for the Don Box.

Brody: (reads the tip) It's a Botch-or-Watch. I rode the bull in Alberta so you're up.

Geoff: (reads the tip) Find a golden ring hidden somewhere in the snow and throw it onto a narwhal. What's a narwhal?

Fabian: I know that answer!

Don: Well you’re not the host so let me explain. (Fabian grumbles)

(Don is seen walking towards an opening in the ice filled with water. There are little mounds of snow around the water.)

Don: In this Botch-or-Watch, Botchers must find a golden ring hidden somewhere in the snow. (He grabs a ring from the snow and suddenly a narwhal comes out of the water.) Once they have a ring they must successfully get the ring on the tusk of a narwhal. Like so. (He tosses the ring and it lands on the narwhal). Fail to do so and you'll need to keep trying until you do. (Motions to some snowmobiles) Once they complete the task, teams must ride these snowmobiles east until they find the next Don Box. (He rides a snowmobile to the next Don Box) This will be the last stop where teams can use the Boomerang to send one team back to repeat the last challenge.

(At the pond, Geoff, Carrie, May, Jen, Ennui and Fabian are the Botchers. Devin, Crimson, Sam, Tom, Brody, and Jordan watch them.)

Geoff: (searching some snow) HA! (Pulls out a ring) Got one! (He throws the ring towards a narwhal. The narwhal dives back in the water as soon as he throws it and misses it) Aww man...

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: (frowning) Dude, I'm sorry I’m messing up today.  
\---> Brody: (smiles) Come on man, don't be sad. I was messing up big time last episode so it's okay if you're having a bad start.  
\---> Geoff: (smiles) Y-you're right! I'm just pulling a Brody! (Brody is visibly hurt by this)

Sam: (May is searching a pile of snow) Alright May! You're the man!

May: (searching) Yeah! I am! (She feels something) Okay, I think I got a ring! (She pulls out an Inuit man)

Sam: Ughh....... You’re the man too.

May: (The Inuit hands her a ring) Yeah! Thanks!

Sam: Alright! Now get it on that narwhal!

May: (gets in a ready stance) Let's do this! (Throws into the water but misses the narwhal) Corn shucks!

Sam: Just keep going until you succeed.

(Jordan sees that her boyfriend is shivering like hell and can’t even be bothered to dig for a ring)

Jordan: Come on Fabian you can do this, we’ve already conquered Finland and Iceland, and this can’t be any different.

Fabian: (Still huddled in a ball for warmth) Actually it is. It’s somehow colder here!

Carrie: (she throws a ring and nearly makes it) Aww man.

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: (sighs) I was never really good at ring tossing.  
\---> Devin: (smiles) Please, you were always WAY better than me.  
\---> Carrie: But you won a ton of stuffed animals at the county fair while I won none.  
\---> Devin: Well I had great motivation. (Points to her) You. (She smiles)

Geoff: (Gets a new ring and throws it) This time for sure! (He throws the ring but it falls in the water. There wasn't even a narwhal there.)

Brody: ....... Dude, next time wait for the narwhal and then throw it.

Geoff: (face palms) Right, right.

Don: (voice) As our first teams struggle to get the ring on the narwhal, the remaining teams arrive to the Arctic.

(At the tarmac, Cessnas number two and three land as the Siblings, the Sisters, Father and Son, the Julliard students, the gym rats, the Cadets, the Daters, the Ice Dancers, and the Reality TV Pros get off, get in their thermal body skins and head over to the Don Box.)

Kitty: (reads the tip) Okay, looks like you're doing this Botch Emma. (No response) Emma?

Emma: (she's staring lovingly at Noah's butt) Butt of a Roma god... (Sighs lovingly)

Kitty: (gets in between Emma's view of Noah) Emma!

Emma: (startled) Huh? I-I was not staring at Noah's butt...... (Nervously laughs while Kitty looks so done)

Stephanie: (she grabs a tip and it turns out to be the Boomerang) Whoa!

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Wow, we got the Boomerang! This is incredible. A boomerang is literally a game changer. We can send back any team we want and give ourselves a huge lead.  
\---> Ryan: As long as we have it, we’re the most powerful team in the game!  
\---> Stephanie: Gee thanks for that exposition captain obvious.

(Jacques and Josee get their tip last, they press the button expecting a boomerang but it’s a plain old regular tip. Neither are happy about this)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: WE SHOULD HAVE THE BOOMERANG! (Goes on a rampage off-screen while Jacques sheepishly smiles)

Ryan: (quickly finds a ring and tosses it to a narwhal who promptly ducks back into the water) Aw shoot.

Stephanie: You keep it up like that and we’ll be here all day.

Ryan: That was my first try.

Annie: (Searches until her hands or rather mittens touch Quince’s) Oh hi.

Quince: Hey. How was your flight over here?

Annie: Oh I can’t complain, and that’s not a hyperbole. I’ve learned to get rid of all negative emotion and brattiness. So any plans for today?

Quince: June wants to eliminate the Ice Dancers, she claims they’re “evil”.

Annie: Well she’s right about that.

Quince: She said the same thing about- (pauses) Wait did you just say you agree that the ice dancers are evil?

Annie: I wouldn’t use that word but I just get a bad feeling whenever they’re around, like I can sense they will do something nefarious.

Quince: Hmm, you don’t seem like the person who just labels people as evil, you seem like someone who will give someone a chance, even if they don’t deserve and even if they’ve done nothing to prove it to you.

Annie: Yep that’s me.

Quince: I guess if you say they’re evil I really should watch out for them. Thanks for the heads up man.

Annie: You’re welcome. (Both go back to searching)

(A ring finally goes onto a narwhal horn. It’s revealed that Ryan threw it)

Ryan: Yes! We’re in the lead!

Stephanie: You wanna stay here and build a statue of yourself or do you want to move on?

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: The problem with Ryan is that whenever he manages to do something right everyone else just has to stop what they’re doing and appreciate how great he is.  
\---> Ryan: You’re like a joy vampire you know that? You just suck the fun out of everything.

(A montage ensues of teams botching while the daters bitterly drive to the next challenge. Sanders and Jen both find rings pretty quickly but both fail to ring a narwhal. Owen tries and fails. Josee fails and stamps her foot. Loki directs Ennui to where he thinks there’s a ring. Fabian is finally searching but very slowly and can’t find anything. Geoff throws a multitude of rings in the water, all of which miss. Annie throws but the wind blows it back and it lands on her head. Junior throws and only succeeds in throwing it on Gabriella’s head.)

Ennui: (steps up to the edge of the water, holds out his arm with the ring. A narwhal pops up to the surface and gets the ring on its tusk. Ennui simply lets go and the Goths leave. Everyone else is shocked by what happened.) Yay.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: Okay that was pure luck but we don’t need to tell them that.

(Gabriella has a ring in her hand, she eyes a narwhal and throws it. Unfortunately she throws too hard and it soars beyond the narwhal.)

Gabriella: Looks like I’ve got too much hitch in my pitch.

Nekota: Just try again, you’ll do better next time. (A ring lands on his head)

Jen: Sorry! (Goes back to searching)

(Further up ahead Ryan drives the snowmobile while Stephanie sits in the back.)

Stephanie: You know what? Pullover. You drive like an elderly woman.

Ryan: Stop insulting everything I do.

Stephanie: (mocking) Stop insulting everything I do.

Ryan: Real mature.

Stephanie: (mocking) Real mature.

Ryan: (mocking) Pullover and let me drive.

Stephanie: I don’t sound like that!

Ryan: (mocking) I don’t sound like that.

Stephanie: Stop it!

Ryan: (mocking) Stop it!

(Stephanie and Ryan both groan)

Don: (voice) As our first couple of teams finish and head for the second Don Box, the teams at the narwhals are coming close but close only counts in horseshoes and airborne viruses.

Quince: (concentrates and rings a narwhal) Yes! Guess you’re not the only one good with rings.

June: I’ll answer that once I see you in a cyr wheel. (They run off)

Annie: (closes her eyes and throws a ring into the air, it thankfully lands on a narwhal. She opens her eyes) Yes!

Leo: Good job, now let’s move! (They run off)

Annie: Bye everyone! Good luck!

(MacArthur stares at her)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I don’t like the way that Annie girl acts.  
\---> Sanders: You mean altruistically?  
\---> MacArthur: Yeah, nice is for participation ribbons. Not $1 million prizes. Do they want to win or not?

(Geoff gets ready to throw another ring but only succeeds in throwing it on the camera man’s head)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: (Geoff searches frantically in the background) Man this challenge is so intense. We we’re in first but now 4 teams are ahead of us. I almost wish we could trade places, the only thing worse than botching is watching a botch.

Owen: (people around him throw the ring until he finally gets one on the narwhal) Yes! I ringed a narwhal! (Thinks) That kind of sounds wrong.

Noah: Who cares? Let's go! (They run)

Emma: (she's able to ring a narwhal) Alright!

Kitty: (smiles) First place, here we come! (They run for the snowmobiles.)

Josee: (glares at the surfers who somehow ringed a seal)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (crossing her arms) So there are only a select few teams left to crush with the power of my mind. 6 have gone. I doubt we can trick the gym rats as they’re still gunning for us following Venice and the same goes for the cadets. Those manga reading maniacs are too crazy to fool. I’ll let the “best friends” communication issues be their own downfall and then I’ll eliminate those Bloomingdale mannequins. The Father and Son are pretty pathetic, just like that special needs boy, but there's one team I really want to mess with today.  
\---> Jacques: (glares) Time to mess with the Surfers.

Geoff: (frantically digs through the snow) Come on! Come on!

Josee: Oh hey are you two still here? I thought your partner was the weak link on your team, I guess not. (Geoff looks disappointed in himself)

Junior: (he finally gets the ring on the narwhal) WOOOHOOO!

Dwayne: (chuckles) Let's go! (They run)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: I'm glad I was the one who had to do the Botch today. My dad's been a little off ever since he got that woman's tattoo.  
\---> Dwayne: I'm fine and this tattoo is starting to not affect me in anyways. (Hears snickering off screen) Okay, who's laughing? (Points) Was it you with the backwards cap?

(Gabriella rings a narwhal)

Gabriella: Woo hoo! (To the Ice Dancers) See ya later frost fairies.

Nekota: Keep it mature man. (They hop on their snowmobile and leave. Josee looks angry) 

MacArthur: I like her.

(Carrie finally hooks a narwhal too)

Carrie: (squeals) I did it!

Devin: (picks Carrie up) Carrie that was amazing! Let’s hit the snowmobiles.

Tom: Aww that was sweet.

(The Daters arrive at the second Don Box. Ryan gets the tip)

Stephanie: Wait. This is our only chance to use the boomerang.

Ryan: But no one else is ahead of us.

Stephanie: No, let’s wait for the next to team to show up and send them back.

Ryan: That challenge was really hard. Another team probably won’t show up for hours.

Stephanie: Well you did it in record time. How hard can it be?

Ryan: I got us into the lead, that’s more than you’ve ever done for us. (As they argue the goths come by and take a tip from the don box and run to the next challenge)

Ennui: (reads tip) It's an All-In!

(Don stands next to a local Inuit woman who is building an igloo.)

Don: In this All-In challenge, teams must work together to saw out blocks of snow and assemble them into igloos. (The Inuit woman waves to the camera) Once a team's igloo is approved by this local, it's a mad dash east towards today's Chill Zone. (Don is seen on the Chill Sone next to a snowman) I'm here with Chilly Billy. Isn't he cool?

Ryan: Aw great! Now the goths are ahead of us.

Stephanie: Oh and it’s my fault?

Ryan: Yeah! (While he yells at Stephanie June and Quince arrive. June gets the idea to sneak up on Stephanie and take her boomerang ticket.) If you we’re useful for once you’d use the-

June: Boomerang.

The daters: Huh? What? (They turn to see June is holding the boomerang at them)

June: I boomerang you two.

Stephanie: What the - (searches person) She stole the boomerang from me! She can’t do that!

Don: (rides in on a snowmobile with a rule book) Well the rules don’t say anything against someone else taking a boomerang from a team that has it. It just says “whomever has the boomerang can send a team back to complete the previous challenge”. So I’ll allow it. But since it’s a botch or watch Stephanie will have to ring the narwhal now.

Stephanie: Great! (to Ryan) I’ll show you how it’s really done!

Ryan: (He and Stephanie get on the snowmobile) So put your money where your big ass mouth is! (Stephanie drives off in a huff)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: It’s sad when love turns to poison. (Ennui holds her hand) That’s better.  
\---> Ennui: (writing down) Love turns to poison, that could be a good band name, or a song.

(Confessional)  
\---> June: I think they still need some time to work out their “issues”.  
\---> Quince: And we work better in silence.

Don: I can’t wait to see how this goes down, but that’ll happen after we return to…. THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

(Goes to commercial)

(Back at the narwhals, Geoff is continuously failing)

Brody: (tearing up a little) Dude you’re doing great.

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: This was a total low point for me and the Broster. I’d never let him down before.  
\---> Brody: (solemn) Dude  
\---> Geoff: And I never want to do it again.

(Geoff looks determined to ring a narwhal this time but only succeeds in throwing it onto Brody’s head. Another narwhal gets ringed, this time by Josee)

Josee: Bye. (She and Jacques get on their snowmobile and leave) Hope you don’t lose your best friend over this.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: At the mind game Olympics I would definitely take gold.

(Brody looks sad and Geoff comes up to him, he’s holding another ring)

Geoff: Dude I’m sorry if I ever made you feel bad about botching a challenge.

Brody: I’m sorry I made you feel like you’re letting me down. You aren’t and you never could.

Geoff: Man, forget about the ring toss. Let’s hug! (They embrace to hug and Geoff throws the ring to the wayside. They hear a clink. They turn around to see their ring on a narwhal) Sweet!

(Another hoop lands on the same narwhal)

Jen: Finally!

Tom: Girl you are just amazing.

Jen: (skittishly) Stop. (They run over to their snowmobiles as do the surfers)

May: Well this is turning out just as well as Iceland. (Continues to search)

Jordan: Fabian I don’t mean to be pushy but you need to hurry up! We’re in the bottom rung!

Fabian: I’m trying, I’m trying but I just can’t find anything! (Starts to cry out in exasperation)

Sam: Pull it together man. You’ve got this.

Jordan: He’s right, remember everything you have done. You got us to the chill zone in Finland by rocking out, granted you did it with a blind fold. You thought of a way to get the tip from the bullet ants and not sting yourself. You carried me over hot coals in Hawaii. You designed the costume in Brazil. You got the idea to blend our food in Alberta. You captured the rabbits we needed in Australia. You drew that awesome picture of me in Paris. You ran through the geyser field in Iceland faster than any of us. You knew how to make sculpting sand in Calanque de Maubois. And it was you who convinced your family to let May watch after you when you were 18 instead of continuing to go to New Mexico for the summer. You’ve got this!

Fabian: You really liked my drawing, and my costume for carnival?

Jordan: Really, really.

Fabian: You’re right I got this! (Goes back to searching until he finds an Artic fox in the snow) Vulpes Lagopus. Aren’t you just the cutest thing! (Picks it up and nuzzles it)

May: Aren’t you forgetting something?

Fabian: Oh right. (Puts the fox down) Sorry but I can’t play right now I’ve got to search for gold rings. (Continues digging until the fox approaches him again, with multiple rings around its neck and tail) Oh thanks. (Grabs a ring and goes to the narwhal toss. Throws and doesn’t hook a narwhal) Well at least I got more. (Grabs rings off the fox and throws them repeatedly until finally he hooks one) Yes!

Jordan: Finally! I was worried our goose was cooked.

May: (finds another ring and carefully calculates how far she needs to throw and at what angle she needs to throw the ring at. She throws and this time successfully rings a narwhal) Finally! Guess I should’ve slowed down and taken the time to do some calculating.

Sam: Let’s all head out!

Fabian: Yes warmth. (Grabs the fox and takes it with him and Jordan)

Jordan: (she drives the snowmobile while Fabian holds the fox in the back) You’re not seriously taking that fox with us?

Fabian: Crimson and Ennui got to keep Loki. And besides this is a local she knows the way. (Fox motions to go north) go North! (Jordan complies and the anime nerds follow)

Don: (voice) As most of the teams finish the first challenge. The daters go back to start it.

(The daters go one way while the Ice Dancers stop to watch them)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: I don’t know who got the boomerang and used it against them, but whoever did, (smiles) I’m impressed.

Carrie: (she drives while Devin hangs in the back) This is going pretty great right?

Devin: What do you mean?

Carrie: I mean us in the race, we’ve made it this far and won twice. Not to mention we have allies with the bloggers and we’ve made almost no enemies, I mean the only real problems are the cadets and the Ice Dancers. 

Devin: Yeah I guess you are right, we’re doing great and we’re making a lot of friends. (The snowmobile with bloggers reaches them)

Jen: (Tom drives while she hangs in the back) Hey, hey, hey. Sorry, where we interrupting anything important?

Devin: Nah. (Both teams drive off together)

(Further back the surfers drive with Geoff at the controls and Brody sitting behind)

Geoff: Bro we may have gone from 1st to 11th but I’m getting us back into 1st on my watch. I’m gonna make this up for us right-

Brody: (points ahead) Dude look out! (Geoff looks ahead and sees a baby seal in their path. He quickly jerks the handle bars and the snowmobile veers left. They go drive straight into a ramp of ice and snow and they go flying off, crashing into a pit.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: Just for the record, that is NOT the way I thought that was gonna go.

(Dwayne is seen driving the snowmobile while Junior rides in the back)

Junior: You sure you can drive this dad?

Dwayne: (smiles and turns to Junior) I know lately I've been causing us to place in the bottom four lately so I want to make sure that doesn't happen -(cut off)

Junior: (gasps and points ahead) Dad! Watch out!

Dwayne: (turns ahead) Huh? (They're heading for another ice ramp) Hold on!

Dwayne/Junior: (they go flying off the ramp on their snowmobile) AUGHHHHH! (They crash in the snow. They get up and meet Geoff and Brody)

Dwayne: Nice to see you boys.

Geoff: Guess I’m not the only one who made that mistake.

Junior: (tries to rev their snowmobile but it’s fruitless) Dad our snowmobile doesn’t work.

Brody: Wanna come with us? Ours still works.

Dwayne: We’d like that very much. (All four get on one snowmobile and Geoff drives, miraculously no one falls off)

(At the igloo challenge, Crimson and Ennui are working hard. They grab a block of snow but it crumbles in their mittens.)

Ennui: Let’s just build a mound of snow and hollow it out.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: Fluffy, white snow. It’s not really our thing.

(Meanwhile June/Quince and Leo/Annie are working hard and are actually building not just igloos but small palaces. June/Quince do the winter place, Annie/Leo do the Alexander palace.)

Quince: I think we’re almost done.

June: I know, good job man. Both at the ring toss and here.

Quince: Thanks. (Looks over to the other team and waves to Annie. She waves back. He picks up a block of snow and uses the saw to turn it into a rabbit. Annie recuperates by carving a block of snow into a kitten)

June: Focus on the challenge lover boy.

Leo: You too Ilsa Lund.

Quince/Annie: Right. Sorry. (Both go back to work. June and Leo take the time while they’re distracted to mouth “You’re hot” to each other then go back to working)

(Back at the narwhals, Sanders has failed again to get the ring on a narwhal.)

MacArthur: Seriously? If you take any longer I’m gonna have to charge you for overtime. Seriously hurry up.

(The daters arrive)

Ryan: See there’s only one team left!

Stephanie: Just stay out of my way! I’ll show you how quickly this challenge can be done by someone with skills.

(We're now doing a montage of all the teams at the igloos. Carrie/Devin and Jen/Tom have started on their igloos while Josee/Jacques, Owen/Noah, Gabriella/Nekota, Jordan/Fabian/fox, May/Sam and Emma/Kitty arrive and also start working. Owen saws a piece of ice out and gives it to Noah. Noah places it on their igloo. Emma cuts out a piece of ice and helps Kitty put it on their igloo. Kitty gives Emma a thumbs up while Emma smiles. Crimson and Ennui and Loki start piling snow. Dwayne/Junior and Geoff/Brody finally arrive at the igloo challenge and begin to work. Jacques passes a piece of snow to Josee who places it on their igloo)

(Back at the narwhals, Sanders is continuously failing. Stephanie tries but can’t seem to hook anything, Ryan looks on happy that she’s eating crow. )

MacArthur: (Sanders searches again) Show that snow whose boss!

Ryan: (Stephanie searches in a huff) See it’s not as easy as it looks.

Stephanie: Shut up. (Finds another ring and throws it, only to miss the narwhal) My aim was perfect, the wind blew it off.

(Back at the igloos the Goths have piled enough snow)

Ennui: Okay now we hollow it out. (Both of them and Loki start digging slowly)

Jen: (To the best friends) Hey guys wanna set up next to us?

Tom: We’ve almost finished the base.

Carrie: Sure that sounds nice. (She and Devin work closer to the bloggers)

(Junior looks at Carrie melancholy)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Even while she works she’s heavenly. Annie’s right, next time I get some alone time with her I’m telling her the truth.

Gabriella: Give me the next block. (Nekota gives her a new ice block, she places it down completing their second ring) Yes! We’re doing great!

Nekota: Nice to know you’re feeling positive.

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: I’m not really as angry as I’ve been in past episodes. I’m just feeling really peppy today.  
\---> Nekota: So peppy the ice dancers don’t bother you?  
\---> Gabriella: What ice dancers? (They both laugh)

(Noah is seen sawing some snow out while Emma and Kitty set up their igloo.)

Emma: (waves) Hi Noah.

Noah: (smiles) Hey Emma. (He saws something out)

Emma: What are you doing?

Noah: Hang on a second. Done! (He holds up a heart-shaped ice block) Ta da!

Emma: (blushes) Aww!

Kitty: Emma! Focus! (Pulls Emma away)

(Fabian is stacking blocks of ice around the fox he found)

Jordan: What are you doing?

Fabian: Just adding a little flair to our ice chalet. (Places another block around the fox) All for our queen.

Jordan: How do you know it’s a girl?

Fabian: Trust me I know animal genitalia.

(Camera pulls back to reveal the Anime Nerds are building a model of Hogwarts)

Josee: (looks at Dwayne and Junior and smirks with Jacques)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: I may have set my sights on the surfers but that doesn't mean we can't mess with some other teams.

Josee: (goes up to Dwayne while Junior works on the igloo) Listen, you need to pick it up. Jacques overheard Junior say that you've been dragging the team down.

Dwayne: (gasps) Is he still upset about the Haka Dance, the Mechanical Bull, and the snowmobile accident?

Josee: (smirks) Very!

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: Why wouldn't Junior tell me he's upset with me? (Gasps) Unless he's really mad at me. (Frowns) Aww man! I need to kick it into overdrive!

Junior: (looks at Dwayne who puts on the ice blocks quickly) Whoa! Whoa! Slow and steady, dad!

Dwayne: (holds the last piece) No! We're too far behind! (Places the last part and the entire igloo falls apart).......

Junior: (groans) Dad.....

(At the narwhals, Stephanie continues to attempts to ring the narwhal)

Ryan: Show me how it’s done genius.

Stephanie: (throws another ring but misses again) God damnit!

Ryan: (laughs)

Sanders: (finally rings a narwhal) Yes! (MacArthur picks her up) Whoa!

MacArthur: (jumps up and down) Not in last place! Not in last place! Not in- (her weight causing the ice underneath them to break and cause them to float away)........

Sanders: .........

MacArthur: Damnit.....

Don: (voice) As the Cadets float away, the teams ahead of them continue to work away.

(Geoff and Brody work on their igloo. Geoff seems sad)

Brody: Dude is something the matter?

Geoff: It’s just… I’m sorry for failing at the ring toss and the snowmobile thing. I don’t want to be the one responsible for getting sent home.

Brody: Dude it’s like you said back in the Mediterranean, we win and lose as a team.

Geoff: You’re right, maybe it’s no one’s fault. If we just chill and focus we can win.

Brody: Excellente! (They start working faster)

(Jen looks at Annie and Leo)

Tom: (placing a block of ice) You thinking about something?

Jen: Nothing I’m just- looking at Annie and Leo and seeing how happy they are together, it’s pictures like that that make me wish I wasn’t an only child.

Tom: Well if it’s any consolation I think of you as a sister.

Jen: (touched) Really?

Tom: Really, there’s no one else I’d rather shop and laugh at drunken celebrities with. No matter who we marry I know we’ll both always have each other. You sympathize?

Jen: (hugs him) I sympathize. (He recuperates)

Tom: We should get back to working.

Jen: Right. (Gets back to sawing)

Dwayne: (he and Junior sadly put their igloo back together) I'm sorry Junior, I just don't want be the reason we get sent home today.

Junior: (sighs) No, it's my fault. I'm always worrying that you're going to embarrass me. I guess it just causes you to perform more hastily.

Dwayne: It's fine. (Smiles) Let's get this igloo done and win this.

Junior: (smiles) Yeah! We can do this! (Junior and Dwayne work hard together getting their progress on their igloo done much faster. Josee gasps and notices the surfers working better too.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (Jacques facepalms) I can't believe how badly both of those backfired! (Groans)

(Back at the narwhals, Stephanie is finally able to get a ring on the narwhal)

Stephanie: Yes!

Ryan: This doesn’t make up for us getting sent back.

Stephanie: Well I’m gonna make it up. (They get on the snowmobile and drive feverishly to their next destination)

(In the water, the cadets continue to float on the ice)

Sanders: The temperature of the water might kill us so swimming isn't an option. (Sits down) Yeah, we're screwed.

MacArthur: Maybe not, maybe something will come and rescue us.

Sanders: A Dues ex Machina? This isn’t some Greek play, this is reality. Well Reality TV but you get my point. (Something jostles their ice flow. A narwhal uses its tusk to push the floe to the shore) Whoa, sweet!

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: You know I used to hate mammals but that narwhal was pretty cool.  
\---> Sanders: You do realize we’re mammals right?  
\---> MacArthur: Yep.

(Back at the igloos, Dwayne and Junior get their igloo approved by the local)

Dwayne: (smiles) We did it! (The local laughs at Dwayne's tattoo. He groans). It still gets to me...

Junior: (nudges his dad) Come on, we'll be fine. Let's go to the Chill Zone! (They run to the Chill Zone)

Josee: (places the last piece and frantically waves her hand at the local) Hey! Hey! You! We're done! (The local looks at their igloo and gives them a thumbs up of approval. She and Jacques run for the Chill Zone knocking over the local. She gets up and glares.)

June: Hello? (The local comes over and approves of her and Quince’s winter palace, they smile and run to the chill zone)

(Confessional)  
\---> June: Really all the credit here goes to Quince. He came up with the idea of the palace and he managed to construct it into reality.  
\---> Quince: I’m actually pretty handy with my hands. I loved playing with Legos as a kid, I got an A in woodshop, and my guidance counselor said I seriously should’ve considered being an architect.  
\---> June: Well I’m glad you stayed with me. (Affectionate gesture to the head)

Leo: (the local approves of his teams igloo to) Yes! Come on! (He and Annie run off) I’m coming June!

Annie: And wait for me Quince!

(The local gives the thumbs up to the surfers and the gym rats who promptly run for it)

(Dwayne and Junior smile as they head for the Chill Zone. They look back and see the Ice Dancers running behind them. They look determined. Dwayne and Junior look worried and run even faster. The two teams see Don at the Chill Zone and frantically run. Dwayne and Junior reach the Chill Zone first.)

Don: Congratulations Father and Son! You're in first place, for the first time!

(Dwayne and Junior cheer)

Dwayne: (Hugs Junior) See sport we did it!

Junior: Yeah dad that was seriously cool! In more ways than one.

Don: And for coming in first you two win a free house makeover courtesy of Aldridge's It’s Always Christmas store in Lake Orion, Michigan. You can chose whatever decorations you want and professional decorators will come and make your house the jolliest spectacle this holiday season.

Junior: Sweet!

Dwayne: Does that come with a free holiday shopping spree?

Don: Nope, you’ll have to pay for that out of your own pocket.

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: We won but we also realized something: the Ice Dancers were trying to mess with us.  
\---> Dwayne: (smirks) Well now that we know their plans we won’t let them fool us again. Those Ice Dancers will never see the Roy boys coming!  
\---> Junior: Kind of like that pedestrian you bumped into at the crosswalk and then drove away from.  
\---> Dwayne: (startled) Junior remember that was our little secret, remember?

(Back at the igloos, the Sisters have finally finished their igloo and are waiting for the Inuit's approval. She approves.)

Emma: (smiles) Wow! We finished before Owen and Noah? Do you think we should stay and help them?

Kitty: No! (Grabs her and drags her)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: What's your deal today?  
\---> Kitty: I just want to win! Is that so wrong?!

Don: (Josee and Jacques arrive) Hey, 2nd place isn't that bad.

Josee: (glares) This is what I think of 2nd place! (She goes up to Chilly-Billy and takes a bite out of Chilly-Billy's nose. She punches Chilly-Billy and breaks his twig arm)

Don: (gasps) Stop! You're hurting Chilly-Billy! (Josee laughs as she and Jacques walk off. Chilly-Billy is all beaten up. Don kneels at the remains of Chilly-Billy.) NOOOOO!

Josee: Oh grow up!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (crossing her arms) The next team we chose to destroy won't be as lucky!

(At the igloos, Owen/Noah, Carrie/Devin, Sam/May, Fabian/Jordan and Tom/Jen are almost done. The daters finally arrive)

Stephanie: See we’re not the last team here, we can still win this.

Ryan: I’ll believe it when I see it.

(Ennui and Crimson have carved their snow mound into a skull, the local approves and they head off. The best friends, the bloggers, the reality pros, and the anime nerds all get approved and run off. The local seems perplexed by Fabian and Jordan’s igloo centered on a shrine to the artic fox they befriended, but she approves and they leave)

Fabian: Come on Anastasia! (Picks the fox up and they start running)

Don: (voice) More and more teams get the thumbs up and head off to the chill zone, and some are doing other stuff, the last place cadets finally arrive to start working on the igloo challenge. (MacArthur and Sanders arrive on their snowmobile)

Sanders: I’ll stack! You saw and give me blocks till I say stop!

MacArthur: On it! (Gets to work)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: One advantage we have over the daters is that we’re a team that can work together.  
\---> Sanders: Thanks for not mentioning I put us in jeopardy by messing up the ring toss.  
\---> MacArthur: I thought it went without saying. (Sanders looks a bit mad at her)

Don: (June/Quince arrive) Third place! (Annie and Leo arrive) Fourth place! (Gabriella and Nekota arrive) Fifth place! (Geoff and Brody arrive) Sixth place!

Brody: (tearing up a bit) Yes!

Don: Why are you crying? 6th place is good.

Geoff: Sometimes a dude just has to cry Don. (He and Brody embrace Don in a hug)

Don: Ugh, affection.

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: We realized that the ice dancers tried to play us, and that’s low.  
\---> Brody: Like below the belt low.  
\---> Geoff: And you know what’s below the belt? Dirty, dirty socks.  
\---> Brody: And we aren’t like that, we’re going to play this game squeaky clean and win.  
\---> Geoff: That’s what I like to hear. 

(Back at the igloos Ryan places a large block and Stephanie picks it up)

Stephanie: It doesn’t fit. (Breaks it) Try again.

Ryan: If you boomeranged someone we’d probably be done by now.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan: We can’t be eliminated after everything we’ve been through together, our relationship, or what’s left of it, might not survive.  
\---> Stephanie: I agree.

Don: (Sam and May arrive) 7th! (Fabian and Jordan arrive) 8th! (Emma and Kitty arrive) 9th! (Carrie and Devin arrive) 10th! (Tom and Jen arrive) 11th! (Owen and Noah arrive) 12th! (Crimson and Ennui arrive) 13th! The cadets and the daters are still out there with one spot left. Who's going to stay and who's going home?

(Fabian sets his fox friend on the ground to play and scamper)

Fabian: (pets her) Who’s a good girl Anastasia?

Anastasia: (gekkers)

Jordan: You can play with her for the rest of today but you have to say goodbye to her tomorrow, get it?

Fabian: I get it. (Anastasia runs over to Loki. The animaniacs look nervous but goths seem unfazed. Anastasia doesn’t attack Loki but instead submits by lying on her back to Loki and they go off to play in the snow)

Annie: Aww isn’t that sweet?

Crimson: Sweetness is over rated.

Ennui: But we are… pleased to see him having fun.

Jordan: Well it’s certainly lucky your rabbit wasn’t killed.

Fabian: I guess Anastasia’s a friendly fox.

(Junior walks over to Carrie and Devin)

Junior: Carrie can I talk to you?

Carrie: Sure.

Junior: (To Devin) In private?

Devin: Sure. (He walks away so Carrie and Junior can be alone)

Carrie: So what did you want to say to me?

Junior: (seems unable to say it but then just blurts it out) I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!

Carrie: (shocked) Really?

Junior: I know you have feelings for Devin and I can respect that but I just wanted you to know how I feel. Is there by some chance you feel the same way about me and would be willing to dump him?

Carrie: That’s sweet of you to admit but (exhales) no I don’t love you, and you don’t really love me. You just have a crush on me, you love me as a shadow, an idea. Me and Devin have been together for years and I've only known you for a couple of weeks. It takes a lot of time to get to know someone and know if you’re compatible with them. Yes we are going through a bit of a rough patch in our relationship right now but I know that we’ll come out of it. And the bottom line is I'm just too old for you. (Notices Junior is a little sad) Are you okay?

Junior: (a little teary eyed) I’m fine.

Carrie: Hey just cause it didn’t work with me doesn’t mean it can’t work with someone else. You’re a great kid, and you will make someone very happy someday. And we can still be friends, right?

Junior: Yeah I-I guess so. (Walks off dejectedly)

Devin: (Comes up to Carrie and places his hands on her shoulders) He’ll be fine.

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: I really tried to break it to him as delicately as I could.  
\---> Devin: Hey, heartbreak is a natural part of life, I speak from experience.  
\---> Carrie: I really hope he’s taking it well. I don’t wanna be responsible for breaking a child’s heart and dreams, that’s reality’s job.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (Junior seems quite sad) Is something the matter Dwayne Roy Jr? (Junior starts crying into his father’s chest) There, there. Things will be alright. (Strokes his hair gently)

(At the igloos, Ryan and Stephanie work hard while MacArthur and Sanders work together.)

Sanders: (places hands out) Block!

MacArthur: (gives her a block) Block!

Sanders: (places the block on the igloo) Placing!

MacArthur: (sawing out a block) Sawing!

Sanders: (places out hands) Block!

MacArthur: (gives her a block) Block!

Stephanie: Man they’re like a well-oiled machine. Saw faster!

Ryan: (Sawing feverishly) I’m sawing as fast as I can!

Stephanie: Well move those perfectly sculpted arms!

Ryan: (Picks up block) Here, now don’t worry your pretty, flawless, little face off.

Stephanie: Good! Now give me three more so I can complete the baby’s room. (Ryan pauses at the word “baby”)

(Ryan and MacArthur are seen sawing blocks of snow while they hand them over to Stephanie and Sanders who place them on their igloos. The local looks at their igloos and approves.)

Don: (voice) To speed things up and because I'm FREEZING, I've decided to allow the two remaining teams to use their snowmobiles to the Chill Zone.

(Sanders/MacArthur and Stephanie/Ryan grab their snowmobiles and head out. The local Inuit girl looks to her left and see the Inuit man May found earlier giving her a flower. She responds by kissing him.)

(Stephanie/Ryan and Sanders/MacArthur are seen riding neck and neck on their snowmobiles. Stephanie glares and rams into the cadets. MacArthur smirks and rams into the daters. They look ahead and see a major hill of snow. They scream as they hit it and turns into one giant ball of snow rolling to the Chill Zone. Don sees this and screams and he runs to not be hit. The giant snowball stops right before the Chill Zone. The cadets fall out and land on the chill zone before the daters do.)

Don: (smiles) The Cadets come in fourteenth!

MacArthur: Boom!

Don: Man. (To the Daters) That race ended in a messy heaping ball of pain, kind of like your relationship. (Both look disappointed and angry at each other) However this is a non-elimination round so you two stay to hate another day!

Stephanie: Phew! (She and Ryan get up)

Ryan: You know as much as I would love to be rid of you, I’m kind of happy it’s not over kind of because I’m not ready to go home. And I think I may still have some feelings for you.

Stephanie: I agree with you. We’re a good team but this competition broke us apart, if we could go somewhere free of challenge and hardship maybe we’d be happier.

Ryan: And together.

Don: Well that’s all nice and dandy but I’ve got a show to host. (Both walk away bitterly) Well, that wraps up today's episode. Until we return on The Ridonculous Race, keep on hating folks, keep hating.

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Walking in a winter wonderland!
> 
> Another chapter with a fair share of similarities and differences alike. Similar: The daters get last but it's a non elimination round, MacArthur and Sanders nearly bite the dust again, Josee tries and fails to mess with the surfers, the goths aren't in their element. Differences: Dwayne and Junior finally win a leg, Josee tries and fails to mess with Father and Son, My oc's (especially Fabian befriending a fox), Geoff and Brody don't win, and someone else boomerangs the daters. Another issue I tackled was Junior's crush on Carrie, since it never got resolved in canon I thought why not end it myself, especially since he knows about her crush on Devin this time. Despite what Junior wishes it just wasn't meant to be. Favorite part this episode: Junior's offhand comment about his father's fender bender. 
> 
> Next episode: Indonesia
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Dwayne & Junior (1st Place)   
> Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)  
> June & Quince (3rd Place)  
> Leo & Annie (4th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (5th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (6th Place)  
> Sam & May (7th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (8th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (9th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (10th Place)   
> Tom & Jen (11th Place)  
> Owen & Noah (12th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (13th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (14th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (15th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	21. Got Venom?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Indonesia the teams must collect venom from the deadly Komodo dragon and then must search for an exclusive rug.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, we saw some major head games, and even headier games. The Ice Dancers tried to mess with the surfers and the Father and Son but that plan failed massively causing Josee and Jacques to get second place behind Dwayne and Junior. Junior confessed his feelings for Carrie but she told him it just wasn’t meant to be, he took it well. While the daters argued June used their own boomerang against them, clever girl. Fabian had fun with a fox who in turn had fun with Loki, since when did this become Disney channel? Between the cadets and the daters, the daters arrived last at the Chill Zone. Fortunately, it was a non-elimination round so they get to stay. (He shivers as he's still in the Arctic Circle) Did it just get cold in here? Oh yeah, we're still in the Arctic. It's time to heat things up on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare.)

(Intro plays)

(We returns back to the Arctic Circle where Don stands next to a Don Box. He's wearing his winter parka while he waits.)

Don: Last time Father and Son won so they get the first tip.

(Dwayne and Junior are seen running to the Don Box shivering. They're still wearing their winter clothes from the last episode.)

Dwayne: Man it’s colder than yesterday.

Junior: I really hope the next place we go to is somewhere warmer, I’m losing body heat faster than anyone else here, though most of that is probably the icy pain of heartbreak.

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (Junior’s still down in the dumps) Junior’s still a little upset that Carrie rejected his advances last time. But I keep telling him heartbreak is a natural part of life and if he’s ever feeling glum he can- (Junior gets up and leaves dejectedly) I guess we’ll talk later. Well at least we’ve made no enemies on this race.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (yelling) I WILL DESTROY THEM ALL!  
\---> Jacques: (smiles nervously) Yeah..... Go team....

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Yeah our bickering cost us the lead last time but Ryan was at fault.  
\---> Ryan: Yes I was.  
\---> Stephanie: (looks stupefied by what he just said) You were? I mean… of course you were, thanks for agreeing with me. (Walks off satisfied)  
\---> Ryan: I found a way to one up her. Just agree to everything she says. We can’t argue if we can’t fight over anything.

Dwayne: (grabs the tip and reads) We're going to Flores, Indonesia.

Junior: (shivers) Thank god, someplace warm.

(We are presented to a slideshow of Indonesia)

Don: (smiles) Yes it is. Flores, Indonesia is packed with beautiful empty beaches (an empty beach is shown), majestic mountain ranges (a clearing in between two mountains is seen, and ominously silence jungles. (A green jungle is seen on the screen. He's seen standing in a little hut that's above the sand. There's a beautiful beach next to him.) Teams must find Flores and take taxis here to this village to find their next tip. How do the locals keep tourists away from this beautiful vacation spot? Nobody know but it might have to do with the Komodo dragon problem. (Below Don and in the sand are many Komodo dragons. There are large and dangerous reptiles roaming freely in the sand. One goes up to the camera and growls.) Scary, right? (One jumps up and nearly bites Don frightening him) AUGHHHHHH! (He falls back in the hut.)

(We return back to the Arctic Circle where Don stands next to three cargo planes. The pilot for each plane stands next to their plane.)

Don: Teams will depart on three different cargo planes each leaving an hour apart from each other and carrying teams based on how they placed at the Chill Zone last episode. The frontrunners will have a major advantage. (A narwhal breaks through the ice with its tusk) WHOA! (The narwhals proceed to puncture the wheels of the first cargo plane with their tusks)......... Uhhhhh, looks like the narwhals are still upset about using them in the ring toss game. (Smiles) Anyway, same idea with now just two planes. (The narwhals break through the ice and puncture the wheels of the second cargo plane with their tusks)......... (Nods) Yep. (To everyone) EVERYONE ON THE LAST PLANE! RIGHT NOW! GO GO GO GO GOOOOOOO! MOVE IT! HURRY! (He runs for the last plane along with the pilots from the first two planes)

(Dwayne/Junior, Fabian/Jordan, June/Quince, Leo/Annie, May/Sam, MacArthur/Sanders, Geoff/Brody, Emma/Kitty, Gabriella/Nekota, Crimson/Ennui, Owen/Noah, Tom/Jen, Carrie/Devin, and Ryan/Stephanie run to the plane quickly and in fear. Josee and Jacques stand and glare.)

Josee: (glares) This is outrageous! We didn't get silver just to get on a plane with all these losers! (A narwhal breaks the ice near Josee causing her to jump into Jacques arms.) AUGHHHHHHHH!

Jacques: Perhaps we should join them?

Josee: I concur. (The run in fear into the plane as the narwhals chase them.)

(The cargo doors close as soon as the Ice Dancers enter. The third pilot starts the plane up immediately and gets them in the air as fast as he can. They finally get in the air. The plane carrying all the teams is seen on a map of the world.)

Don: (voice) The plane flies from the Arctic Circle to Indonesia a "Narwhal-free" country. Most of the teams take advantage of the long flight to Indonesia to rest up for today's challenge.

(We look into the flight and see the teams sleeping next to their partners. They sit in rows behind each other. Ryan/Stephanie, Crimson/Ennui, Josee/Jacques, Annie/Leo, Tom/Jen, June/Quince, Emma/Kitty, Gabriella/Nekota, Carrie/Devin, Owen/Noah, May/Sam, and Dwayne/Junior all sleep on this long flight)

(Fabian looks dejectedly at the ground)

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: This morning I had to say good bye to the dear friend I made yesterday.  
\---> Jordan: I’ll miss Anastasia too. But we couldn’t take her back home with us, the Artic is her home, she’ll be happier there and I’m sure she’ll always remember you.  
\---> Fabian: You’re right, and we found out she had a tag on her which means she’s being monitored. Which means that maybe we can track her down later and see how she’s doing. (Reveals he wrote down the serial number on his forearm) Good thing I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget.

Jordan: Try and get some sleep, we’re going to need all our strength for whatever challenge awaits us.

Fabian: Okay I’ll try. (Closes his eyes and starts to slowly fall asleep)

Jordan: Good. (Tries to sleep herself)

(The plane is seen landing in Flores International Airport. The plane opens at the end and the teams run on the tarmac for the taxis. Josee and Jacques are seen riding a luggage carrier past all the other teams.)

Josee: See you losers at the finish line! (She and Jacques laugh mockingly at the other teams running as they drive off-screen)

(Literally two seconds later)

Josee/Jacques: (they drive back in the opposite direction as a plane lands in front of them) AUGHHHHHHHHH!

Gabriella: (laughs) HA! Karma, bitch!

(The teams get on the side of the road to hail some cabs)

Devin: Taxi! (He and Carrie and the Fashion bloggers get in one and it takes off)

Quince: (he and June get in one) To the village! (The driver nods and takes off)

Nekota: (points at the taxis taking off) Follow those taxis! (They take off)

(Owen and Noah run up to the street as all the other teams drive off)

Owen: We need a taxi! (Tries to hail a cab)

Emma: Hey! (Owen and Noah look over to see Emma and Kitty in a taxi) You can share one with us.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: I'm so proud of Emma liking Noah but I would also like a million bucks. (Glares at Emma) Know what I mean?

(The taxi carrying the Sisters and Reality TV Pros drives towards the village. Owen, Kitty, Noah, and Emma sit in the back seat together.)

Noah: (looks outside) Just look at that. Sapphire blue water and hot steamy jungles. (Smiles and Emma) I wish it was just the two of us.

Emma: (blushes) Uhhhh Noah, we're not dating till after the Race, remember?

Noah: I know. (Motions to Owen) I was talking to Owen.

Owen: (blushes) Aww!

Emma: (laughs) You're too funny!

Kitty: (groans) This is going to be a long ride....

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (smiles) Why am I smiling all the time even though I hate people that do that? Because this Race has become a win-win situation. The second me or Emma gets booted, I get to date to hottest girl around. So if we win the Race, I win! If I get eliminated, I still win! Hell, I could care less if we get eliminated.  
\---> Owen: Yeah! Alright! High five! (High fives Noah and realizes) Wait, why did I high five that?

(The taxi suddenly stops at a sign with a Komodo dragon on it)

Noah: (to the driver) Hey driver, why'd we stop?

Driver: (points to the sign) Dragon crossing.

Kitty: Dragon Crossing? (Smiles and holds up her phone) I’ve got to get a selfie with this!

Owen: (gasps and points) WHOA! (A massive Komodo Dragon appear on the road in front of the taxis. It growls and glares at the taxi.) OMG THAT IS TERRIFYING! (Noah and Emma hold each other in fear)

Kitty: B-But we're safe in here, right?

(The Komodo growls loudly)

All: AUGHHHHHHH!

Emma: (to the Driver) Drive! Drive! Run it over if you have to!

Driver: But they're an endangered species!

(The Komodo dragon bites the bumper of the car and rips it clean off.)

Noah: (deadpan) Yeah, that reptile should really be scared of us.

Driver: ....... Point taken. (He starts the car up and drives around the Komodo dragon)

Owen: This place is crazy!

Noah: (smiles) Relax, I've smelled your farts for many years. If anything those dragons should be scared of you.

Emma: (laughs hysterically)

(In the taxi carrying the best friends and the bloggers, they talk)

Carrie: I really tried to let him down as gently as I could but I still think I broke his heart.

Tom: Don’t worry he’s young, tweens get over things like that. (Snaps fingers)

Jen: Enough about the other teams, what about you guys, how have you been?

Devin: Well- (Cut off)

(The taxi stops)

Tom: (looks outside the window) Dragon crossing? Are they for real?

Jen: It’s not unlikely, I’ve seen signs for UFO crossings.

Devin: Guys look! (Another komodo dragon stands in the middle of the road)

Tom: (Screams) IT’S REAL! IT’S SO VERY REAL!

Carrie: Don’t worry we’ve got this car to protect us. (The dragon pounces on the hood of the car and growls right at them. They all scream but the driver is completely unfazed by it)

Jen: DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE! (Driver does as he’s told and floors it shaking the beast off. It growls at them but thankfully doesn’t chase the car)

Tom: The last time I was that scared, I found out Oscar de la Renta died!

(Devin notices Carrie is snuggled up against him, it fells nice and he just decides to let her stay there.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: That dragon encounter was seriously creepy but I’m glad I was there so I could protect Carrie. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.

(Their taxi finally arrives at the village and see the Don Box. They notice a Komodo dragon sleeping around the Don Box. Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty arrive at the same time too.)

Kitty: So, who wants to go first?

Tom: Not I.

Brody: (he and Geoff arrive out of their taxi) Relax. Just honk dude and it'll scatter. (He honks the car of the taxi causing the Komodo to wake up and glare. The taxi drives off and the dragon chases it.) See? Told ya.

Geoff: (grabs a tip and reads it) It's an All-In. How to Milk Your Dragon. Whoa! We have to do WHAT?!

(Don is seen walking in the forest into a gated fence. Komodo dragons are seen sleeping around on the floor.)

Don: That's right! Just when you thought these beasts couldn't be any more dangerous it turns out their saliva is loaded with venom! (He holds up a vial while a local kid walks up to Don) Teams must collect one vial of Komodo drool and must hand it over to this local kid to receive their next tip. (The local holds up a tip as a Komodo dragon growls at Don) AUGHHH! (He puts the kid in front of the dragon who leaves) And teams should try not getting bitten. In case they do, side-effects may include headaches, dizziness, nausea, drowsiness, loss of sight, understanding Ridley Scott's Prometheus, burning, itching, oozing, weeping, and being eaten alive by a Komodo dragon. (A Komodo dragon glares and growls at Don again) AUGHHH! (He pushes the kid in front of the dragon again)

Kid: (looks at Don) You really don't care at all for the safety of a child, do you? (Don glares)

(Back at the Don Box, Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, and Dwayne/Junior arrive and read the tip. Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty run with their vials.)

Owen: (running) Isn't this a little dangerous?

Junior: (frowns) We all have to die eventually. (Sighs sadly)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (he has his arm on his sad looking son) Junior come on, we’re in a land of dragons, you love dragons, for his 7th birthday we had a Dragon Tales themed party.  
\---> Junior: I’m so sad I don’t even care that you said that.  
\---> Dwayne: (nervously laughs and smiles) Come on, this’ll be fun. Or at the very least something we won’t forget, no matter how hard we try.

(Kitty is seen walking on the beach near some sleeping Komodo dragons. She climbs up one of the wooden huts on the beach and Emma is seen there smiling)

Kitty: Hey, I know you're in your happy place but could we do this challenge on our own, like without Owen and Noah?

Emma: Why? They've always been nice and help us.

Kitty: I know but I've been noticing lately that you and Noah's PDAs are starting to distract you both and throw off your games.

Emma: I think you may be exaggerating a bit.

(The camera zooms out to show that she's sitting on Noah's lap in the hut. Owen is seen hiding in fear from the Komodo dragons.

Noah: I don't want to take sides but she may have a point. How about we work apart on today's challenge and meet up at the Chill Zone.

Emma: (smiles) Okay, maybe you're right and that sounds like a plan. But five more minutes. (She and Noah cuddle)

Jen: I’ve considered many challenges on this show crazy but this is just plain dangerous!

Gabriella: Oh please, we live for danger.

Nekota: We laugh at fear.

Gabriella: Nothing can defeat us. (They run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: We may not be herpetologists but we can handle this challenge.  
\---> Nekota: Gila Monsters hang around in my backyard all the time in addition to scorpions, so I don’t fear venomous animals.  
\---> Gabriella: I don’t fear any animal, but I do have an intense animosity towards eels. And I don’t trust stingrays after what they did to Steve Irwin.

(The siblings grab their vial and run off to the dragons, they run into June/Quince)

Leo: Oh hey guys.

Quince: Hey.

June: I was thinking, would you like to work together?

Leo: Sure, Annie's got great animal magnetism. This'll help us coast straight through this challenge.

Annie: Yeah about that, what's the plan exactly?

(Elsewhere, Brody is seen coming near a Komodo Dragon with a vial)

Brody: (walking slowly) Okay boy, come here. (Whistles) Nice and easy, here we go. (Whistles as he gets closer)

Geoff: Dude be careful. We don’t know how far out their fire can reach.

Brody: Good point man.

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: The numero uno safety concern with any dragon is their fire breath.  
\---> Brody: Right, before we score any dragon venom we’ve got to put out its flames.

(Ryan grabs a mango off a tree)

Ryan: Here, let’s just toss one a mango, have it chow down, then take the pit when it’s done, it will be loaded with venom and it’ll be safer for us.

Stephanie: (Takes the mango) Provided these things even like mangoes. (Goes up to a dragon holding the mango) Hey there big guy. Hungry? (Dragon licks its mouth in hunger) Huh, you were right for once. (She drops the mango but the dragon doesn’t eat it, instead it growls at her and then goes after her. She runs off) They don’t like mangos, they like me! (Screams)

Ryan: Well that makes one of us. (Walks off)

(Jordan/Fabian and May/Sam meet to discuss what to do)

Jordan: I'm calling on the alliance now. What do we do?

May: Hard call, we've got a 10 foot venomous reptile that weighs more than all of us combined and I’m not a herpetologist.

Sam: Fabian you know a lot about animals, anything that could help us?

Fabian: Well if one of us was Mr. Freeze we could chill the lizard’s body temperature down so much that they won’t waste energy attacking us.

Sam: That gives me an idea! Fabian come with me! (They run over to the road) Taxi!

(A taxi comes to them and they both get inside)

Jordan: What are you doing?

Fabian: What are we doing?

Sam: We're going into town to find something to help us deal with these dragons. You two just sit tight and wait for us, we will return. (Tosses May a pocket knife) And use this to protect yourselves just in case (The taxi drives off)

May: Okay then (puts it away) Well looks like we're alone with each other for the first time in 3 years. Wanna just talk?

Jordan: Sure. (They go find someplace to sit down)

(Meanwhile Annie approaches a sleeping komodo while her brother and the Julliard students hide behind a bush)

Annie: Just sleep big guy. (Sings dreamily) Trust in me, just in me, shut your eyes, you can sleep, safe and sound, knowing I am around, slip into silent slumber, sail on a silver mist, slowly but surely your senses will cease to exist, just relax, be at rest, like a bird, in a nest, trust in me, just in me, close your eyes, and trust in me.

June: (whispers) I think it's working.

Annie: Just trust in me. (Is about to get the drool from the Dragon but then it wakes up) Uh oh. (Komodo sniffs her intensely. She sings with more worry in her voice) Trust in me, just in me, you can sleep, safe and sound, please really do, that's because I am around and I’m not really tasty. Whoa! (The Komodo drags her off into the forest by her skirt) Leo! Someone! Help!

Leo: My sister!

Quince: My girlfriend!

June: Well don't just stand here, let's go save her! (They all run into the jungle)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: This isn't good! You can get $1 million on any two bit reality show, my sister is irreplaceable and immaterial!

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: I can't let my girlfriend be eaten by a komodo dragon! Especially when we haven't even gone out on our first date!  
\---> June: And I won't let the sister of my boyfriend and my best friend’s girlfriend die on national television! I'm not racing around the world with some sad sack!

(Deeper in the forest, Owen and Noah crouch from the other side of a bush as they see two Komodos eating from the bones of a water buffalo.)

Owen: What do you think?

Noah: Well, they seem harmless enough. (They witness a Komodo eat a skull bone off of the water buffalo without even chewing. They cringe in disgust.) Then again, maybe not.

Owen: (smiles) Maybe they won't try to eat us if they're already full on all these bones.

Noah: (looks at Owen) I don't know, being full never stops you.

Owen: Hey! (Realizes) Oh wait, that's totally true.

Noah: Let's just wait till they're done here and get some drool off of the bones.

Owen: (smiles) Great idea!

Noah: That gives us some free time while we wait. What should we do with it? See what the Sisters are up to? Cool? Cool! (Begins to walk off causing Owen to get mad)

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: I love that Noah's happy and doesn't care about the Race anymore. Except for the part about him not caring about the Race anymore. If we're going to win this, Owen's going to have to take charge!

Owen: Oh no you don't! (He grabs Noah from the back of his collar and brings him back) We're going to stay here and wait for the drool.

Noah: Wait what?! Why?!

Owen: (points at him) You and Emma need a little time away from each other. You don't get to see Emma today until we reach the Chill Zone. No buts.

Noah: But - (cut off)

Owen: I said no buts! Do you understand?

Noah: (sighs) Yes.

Owen: (gets in Noah's face causing Noah to lean back) I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

Noah: (scared) YES! I UNDERSTAND! (He falls on the ground)

Owen: (smiles) Good.

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: Wow, Owen stepped up and took charge of the team? Maybe the Big Guy is starting to mature. Then again, maybe not.

(A montage is seen of all the teams dealing with the venom challenge. Carrie tries to get some drool from a Komodo but it nearly bites her hand off. Dwayne nearly gets a drop of drool but he runs off scared when the Komodo begins to glare at him. Geoff and Brody hide in a cabana house from two Komodos. Gabriella and Nekota try to use sticks to keep a komodo at bay but it just bites through them and they run. Jordan and May talk in a cabana hut. Two taxis arrive at the village carrying the Cadets and the Ice Dancers. They read the tip and start the Venom Challenge. Jen and Tom are seen running in fear from the Komodo.)

Don: (voice) After thirty minutes and still no drool, some teams start to come up with creative ways to snatch the drool.

(Stephanie continues to run from the Komodo pursuing her while Ryan just stands by and watches)

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: Is that what you call helping?  
\---> Ryan: I just figured, maybe you could run it out and then we could get the venom then.  
\---> Stephanie: Well at least run with me! Don’t leave alone with that thing!

(Owen and Noah walk around)

Noah: (points back) Those Komodos are never going to leave that skeleton. We need a new plan fast.

Owen: (points at the ground) Check that out! (There's some dead skin on the floor) The dragon must have exploded or something.

Noah: Relax, they probably just shed their skin like every other reptile.

Owen: (gasps loudly)

Noah: (seems concerned) Uh oh, I see wheels turning.

Owen: (smiles) If I wear the skin, I can pretend to be one of them and get close to them! I could swap some spit easily!

Noah: You want to make out with a Komodo dragon?

Owen: (laughs) No. I mean, I won't rule it out. That wasn't part of my plan. (Laughs some more)

(Near them, MacArthur and Sanders are seen behind bush near a group of sleeping Komodos.)

MacArthur: Ready?

Sanders: (nods) Ready.

MacArthur: Then we go on 3. 1, 2....

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: We’re going to bag a komodo like bagged those rabbits in Australia.  
\---> MacArthur: If it worked for harmless fluffy lagomorphs why won’t it work for giant venomous lizards? (Sanders smile falters)

MacArthur: 3! (They both jump into the clearing) Freeze you overgrown iguanas!

(Suddenly, two Komodos surround the Cadets)

Sanders: They’re not freezing!

(Three more Komodos enter the area and surround the Cadets)

Sanders: Do we have a Plan B?

MacArthur: You bet!

(We move ahead of time where twenty Komodo dragons surround a tree and looks hungrily up. MacArthur and Sanders are seen holding on above in the tree looking down in fear.)

Sanders: (scared) I don't like Plan B!

MacArthur: Well, at least we're still alive. (They look fearfully down)

Jen: I seriously don’t have a clue as to what we should do. Maybe we should just throw in the towel and quit while we’re still alive.

Tom: Well if it’s any consolation I don’t see any other teams making progress.

(They then see Emma and Kitty using a stick to fight back a Komodo Dragon)

(They then turn to see Owen putting on the Komodo skin next to Noah.)

Owen: (turns to his back side) Hey Noah, does this Komodo Dragon skin make my butt look big?

Noah: Do you really want the answer to that? (Both Tom and Jen look confused as hell)

(Elsewhere, Josee and Jacques watch from behind a tree as a Komodo Dragon walks near them.)

Jacques: So what's so scary about these reptiles?

Komodo: (hurls up bones with venom)

Jacques: (disgusted) O-oh, that's a lot of saliva...

Josee: That's gross! (She points to the Komodo) Well, what are you waiting for Jacques? Go get us some drool!

Jacques: Me?! Why not you?!

Josee: (sighs) Well, I guess you're right. I better start - (pushes Jacques to the Komodo) Try not to die!

Jacques: HEY! (Slips on the venom and starts to fall forward) W-W-W-WHOA!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (He's covered in dirt, glaring and crossing his arms) Not cool.  
\---> Josee: You know what they say, I was taking initiative. (Smirks)

Jacques: (Falls on the grounds and groans) I'm going to feel that in the morning.... (He hears snarling and looks up noticing the Komodo Dragon. He shows a deadpan expression.) Of course. (The Komodo growls in his face) AUGHHHHHHH! HELP ME JOSEE!

Josee: (she is seen filing her nails leaning on tree not paying attention to the danger Jacques is in) Yeah Jacques, you're doing great. Way to take one for the team. I'm rooting for you.

Jacques: (glares) Well that was no help! (He shrinks back in fear as the Komodo opens its massive mouth revealing its many teeth) HELP! (The Komodo dragon that was glaring at Jacques is backing away slowly from him, frightened.) Ehhhh, what's wrong with him? (The goths come walking up to the dragon)

Crimson: Spare some venom? (The dragon whimpers and ducks into the bushes) Whatever.

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: We both wear Komodorant: Organic Komodo Musk Deodorant.  
\---> Ennui: Obviously it uses the scent of bigger Komodo Dragons so that must mean all these Komodos are afraid of us.  
\---> Crimson: Wimps.

(Deeper in the jungle, Dwayne and Junior are seen standing in front of a Komodo dragon. Junior still looks upset.)

Dwayne: (smiles) Alright, ready to get some drool son?

Junior: (sighs) Sure dad....

Dwayne: (frowns)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: I want to help him but he keeps pushing me away. How do I do this? (Thinks)........... (Snaps his fingers) I got it!

Dwayne: (he kneels down to the Komodo) Hey there buddy, how are you?

(The Komodo snarls)

Dwayne: (chuckles) Yeah, me too. (Smiles) Anyway, I can tell you’re sad. I know how you feel.

Junior: (looks up and listens)

Dwayne: (sighs) I've woken up somedays wondering if I've ever really been the best I could be. I always worry that I'm not a good enough husband for my wife or a good enough father for my son. Still, seeing my son's smile on his face tells me that I'm doing a good job and I shouldn't worry.

Junior: (smiles)

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: (smiles) My dad may be really goofy, but he's still a good dad. He even helped me start to feel better by talking to a Komodo Dragon. I should really tell him how much I appreciate him.  
\---> Dwayne: (screams in the background as he runs from a Komodo dragon) AUGHHHHH!  
\---> Junior: (watches)........... You know, provided he survives this.

(Back with the Reality TV Pros, Owen is seen crawling towards the group of Komodos eating bones while Noah watches from behind a rock nervously.)

Noah: (looks nervous) I hope this works....

Owen: (whistles as he gets near) OY! Good day, mates! Mind if I join in, yeah?

Noah: Why would he fake an accent? Indonesians don't even have Australian accents!

Owen: (he grabs a bone and begins to bite on it) Ooh! Tasty! (The Komodos believe him and begin chewing with him.)

Noah: (deadpan) Never mind, it's working because of course it is. (Looks straight into the camera and back at Owen)

Owen: (a Komodo begins to lick Owen's face causing him to laugh) Hey! Stop it! That tickles! (He grabs the Komodos face) Aww! I like you too! (He begins to lick the Komodos face who looks so confused)

(Confessional)  
\---> Noah: (barfs into a bucket)  
\---> Owen: (smiles) I love making new friends. I'm going to name him Chewey!  
\---> Noah: (groans) How are you still alive?!

Owen: (grabs the drool) Groovy! (Starts walking away and the Komodos stare at him) I've got Komodo stuff to do..... (He runs off and meets up with Noah) Got some!

Noah: (smiles) Sweet! Let's move on! (They run off)

(Suddenly, Chewey comes out and sees Owen run off. Chewey follows after the Reality TV Pros. He tackles Owen and then sits on top of him)

Owen: Oh hi Chewey. (Chewey seems friendly, a little too friendly)

Noah: Great.

Owen: A little help mate!

Noah: He’s your boyfriend, you dump him!

(Out in the jungle Leo, Quince and June are still searching for Annie.)

Leo: (Shouts) Annie!

Quince: (Shouts) Annie?!

June: (Shouts) Give us a sign! Anything! (They all hear a melodious harmony)

Quince: That sounded like her!

Leo: We’re coming Annie! (They all run off)

(In one of the cabanas Jordan and May continue to talk)

Jordan: And then when she was done I looked like, well it’s kind of indescribable but I guess a close approximation would be like a Christmas story book illustrated by a Russian artist.

May: That sounds cool, no pun intended. Do you have a picture of it?

Jordan: Actually I think I do. (Pulls out wallet and finds the picture of her body painted to look like an Arctic Nordic wonderland, a St. Nicholas like figure pulls a sled, there are a lot of blues and whites there’s also an aurora in the sky, the ice castle there glistens like a diamond. Jordan’s face also has a multicolored ice design to it.) Isn’t it pretty?

May: I’ll say. (Looks at it closer)

Jordan: Oh and that’s not the only time I was a canvas. (Pulls out another picture of herself from her wallet, this depicts her with a sea motif, looking like a cross between Botticelli and old fashioned mermaid deigns, her hair has a pearl necklace in it) Isn’t it pretty?

May: I’ll say. I wish I could have that tattooed on my body.

Jordan: Me too, but thanks to the camera the image is eternal. Though I may get these pictures tattooed on my body, probably on my back.

May: You should these are like high quality art pieces. By the way did you win?

Jordan: I wasn’t competing but both of the women who used me as their model did win.

May: I guess you’re a good luck charm.

Jordan: Yeah, guess I am.

May: Maybe I should join you next time you volunteer as a model. Though would my hair get in the way?

Jordan: Oh I’m sure people would love you, just try and tie it up a bit, like you do when you need to wear wigs.

May: Alright then, next time you offer to be a model for effects artists, I’m going with. It should be interesting to be on the other side of the brush.

Jordan: Great. (They look around and notice they’re still alone) Man, we’re still alone.

May: I gotta admit, it has been nice talking to just you.

Jordan: Me too, considering we might be in-laws someday it’s nice to get to know more about you and talk about pointless stuff.

May: Yeah, it’s really fun, we’ve been together for so long and yet I only feel like now I’ve really gotten to spend some quality time with just you, and ask you questions that matter to me. I think that’s when you know you’ve become one in your friendship.

Jordan: Amen man. (They hear truck approach. They turn to see Sam and Fabian in the back of a truck with a solar powered freezer) Oh they’re back.

May: Good, now we can finally start the challenge. (Both exit the cabana house and run to meet their teammates) Hey guys.

Sam: Sorry we took so long, but the store owner made us work for the right to take this thing with us.

Fabian: We also have to return it back by 7:00.

Jordan: Why do you have a freezer?

Fabian: Sam came up with the idea, the plan is to lure one lizard into the freezer, and because lizards aren’t warm blooded it will quickly lose body heat and become more lethargic and less irritable, once it won’t bother to strike us we get the venom.

May: A little crazy but I guess we have no other choice.

Jordan: So how do we lure one?

(A komodo dragon sleeps. Suddenly it’s awoken by loud noises. It looks to see Jordan, May, and Sam taunting it.)

Sam: Come on get me you toothless wannabe!

May: Your mother is a salamander!

Jordan: Misero quod inexcusabilis es asinus est a te reptile Varanus komodoensis!

(Dragon roars at all of them and chases the trio)

Sam: Fabian!

Fabian: Yeah?

Sam: Is the freezer open?!

Fabian: Yeah. (Freezer is open and on its side)

Jordan: Well get ready for the dragon! (They run and lead the Komodo dragon straight to the freezer. Once they reach it they jump over it and the Komodo dragon runs straight into it. Once it’s inside they flip it back upright and place the lid on it. The dragon thrashes inside trying to escape so they all sit on top of it) Okay we got it contained.

Sam: Yeah but it’s still thrashing around.

May: I guess we just wait until it cools down, no pun intended.

Jordan: (deadpan) Yeah, more waiting.

Fabian: I think that was the craziest thing I’ve ever done!

(Out in the jungle Leo and the Julliard students continue to search for Annie)

Leo: Where are you Annie? (Hears someone talking) Shh! (They all stop and listen) Listen! That’s got to be her!

Quince: (points) And it’s coming from over there.

June: Okay what’s our plan of attack?

Leo: (picks up some flint rocks and gives them to June and Quince) We knock the lizard out and then grab Annie and cheese it. (They all nod and agree. They then crouch down and crawl to a nearby bush. They wait for a while and look over the bush ready to attack. Imagine their surprise when they see Annie, sitting on a log, completely unharmed but also talking to two dragons as though they were people) What the?

Annie: (to the lizards) Listen I know relationships are tough but it’s just in your nature, komodo dragons aren’t a monogamous species.

Dragon#1: (growls and hisses)

Annie: I’m glad you agree with me but this is no time for you to get snippy. Talk to one another. (Both dragons roar and hiss at each other) Uh huh, uh huh, I get that. Well why don’t you two try doing things together? You could- you could hunt water buffalo together, that sound good? (Both dragons seem to growl in agreement) Okay then it’s settled. You’ll both try to spend more time together. But at the same time you’ll give her some space. (The dragons growl then leave) Okay bye, see you. (Waves good bye)

(Leo, Quince, and June are all dumbfounded by what they just saw)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Well at least she’s safe. Yet that raises so many other questions.

(Confessional)  
\---> Quince: That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen “under the skin”

Leo: (he and the Julliard students run up to Annie. He hugs her) Annie you’re alive! I don’t know what I’d do if I lost the most important person in my life! (Turns to June) No offense.

June: None taken I understand fully.

Quince: What the hell did that dragon do with you anyway?

Annie: (Leo releases her) Oh he never meant to kill me, he just wanted me to help him with the problems he was experiencing with his mate, he really wanted her to stay but she wanted to leave to find someone else next season but I helped them stay together by reminding them of each other. I think it’ll work out.

June: Well you’re alive and that’s great and all but now we should probably head back and pray and hope we can finish the challenge.

Annie: Good point! (They all run off)

(Tom and Jen run from another dragon and they run into Devin and Carrie respectively)

Jen: Okay! This challenge is impossible! There’s no way we can get close enough to these things without becoming brunch!

Carrie: Sure there is, we’ve just got to find a way to make sure they don’t harm us while we get the venom.

(A dragon runs past all of them. Turns out it was running from the gym rats)

Gabriella: Yeah that’s right! Run you coward!

Nekota: You do realize the goal is to get their venom, not scare them off right?

Gabriella: Oh please, being feared is priceless.

Devin: Uh do you two need help?

Tom: Cause we’re kind of sunk too.

Gabriella: Yeah okay, anyone got a plan?

Jen: (Snaps fingers) I’ve got it! Why don’t we all work together to set up a trap? We’re in a jungle, so we should be able to find some vines to construct a net or something.

Devin: That’s actually not a bad idea.

Nekota: I know many different knots. I’ll be happy to help.

Gabriella: All right let’s get started! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: Gotta admit that Jen girl is smarter than I took her for. I typically don’t think of people in the fashion world as noteworthy or intelligent but she came up with that killer plan.  
\---> Nekota: And anyone who’s capable of working through their fear is aces in my book.

(A dragon rests in a clearing and then Geoff and Brody come at it and spray it with a fire extinguisher.)

Brody: Douse it dude! (Geoff blasts the lizard with foam. The dragon gets pushed back a few feet and then they stop firing. It coughs and hacks. Brody holds out their vial with two long sticks and the vial gets filled up with what they think is venom) Done and done! We are the dragon slayers! Hey don’t dragons always have treasure or princesses or junk?

Geoff: Yeah, fairytales don’t lie.

Brody: Well let’s go after it.

Geoff: Uh dude, might I remind you that I have a girlfriend.

Brody: Yeah fair enough.

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: Brody hasn’t had a lot of girlfriends so he doesn’t know some of the rules of dating. Like never eat garlic salted onion rings on a liverwurst sandwich before you plan to kiss her, unless of course she doesn’t have a sense of smell in which case go ahead.

(Back at the tree, Sanders and MacArthur still hold on as many Komodo Dragons surround them below.)

Sanders: They haven't moved in a while. Maybe they're asleep. (Grabs a mango from the branch near her. She drops the mango on the ground and nothing happens. She smiles.) I think we're good! (A Komodo from below growls and throws the mango in her face. She sighs.) Never mind....

MacArthur: (frowns) Well, this looks like the end of us Race-wise........ And life-wise....

Sanders: (frowns) Well, if this is the end there's something I need to confess to you.

MacArthur: (smiles) Me too, partner. I - (cut off)

Sanders: No, me first. I insist. I just hope you don’t think any less of me. (MacArthur nods. Sanders sighs.) Okay, so one time I was out at some fast food restaurant and I asked for a burger and fries. But they only charged me for the burger. (Tears up) It was too late before I realized and.... I..... I....... I DIDN’T GO BACK TO PAY FOR THE FRIES! (She starts crying hysterically)

MacArthur: ...... That's it?

Sanders: (smiles and wipes her tears away) Wow, that felt so good to finally get that off my chest. So, what did you have to say?

MacArthur: Well, my real name’s Valentina Escobar, I lied my way into cadet school, I’ve got a rap sheet a mile long and I’ve been smuggling fruits and vegetables across the border since I was 5.

Sanders: WHAT?!

MacArthur: And I hope you don’t think any less of me.

(Elsewhere, Jacques is seen tip toeing slowly and quietly towards a sleeping Komodo dragon)

Jacques: Okay Jacques. You can handle a venomous reptile, there’s nothing to this. You've skated with Josee for years.

Jose: AHEM! (Jacques notices Josee glaring behind him) I'm right here.

Jacques: (sheepishly smiles) Forget what I said! (He gets near the Komodo Dragon and nearly gets the drool from its mouth until the Komodo wakes up as the ground shakes) Huh?!

Josee: (looks behind and gasps) WATCH OUT!

(Josee and Jacques get trampled by a pack of Komodo Dragons running in fear. Josee and Jacques are seen lying on the ground in pain as the Komodos leave. Turns out they were running from the Goths.)

Crimson: Come back you cowards.

Josee: (she and Jacques get up and wipe the dirt off of them) This is pointless! We need to forget the challenge and focus on DESTROYING the other teams!

Jacques: (rolls his eyes) Yeah, because that worked so well last time. That was sarcasm, by the way.

Josee: (slaps his hand away) I know! Just follow my lead.

(She and Jacques run up to the Goths)

Josee: (smiles) Hey guys. That rabbit of yours is soooooooo darling!

Jacques: (smiles) I used to carry a Shih Tzu just like him.

Crimson: Loki isn't darling.

Ennui: He’s a beacon of death and destruction.

Josee: (laughs) So true! (Keeps laughing confusing the Goths) Still, you must be terrified. Those Komodos are just waiting to gobble him up.

Jacques: One wrong move and he could be dragon chow. Best to get him out of here before it's too late!

Crimson: (looks at Loki) They may have a point. This challenge could be too dangerous for Loki.

Josee/ Jacques: (smirks)

Ennui: Let's see what he has to say. (To Loki) Loki link with me.

Josee: (confused) What are you....

Ennui: (he presses his forehead against Loki's forehead) Loki doesn't want to leave, he has a plan.

Jacques: Okay, what just happened?

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: They're taking orders from a rabbit?  
\---> Josee: (smirks) You might as well lack your bag cause you're going home, rabbit lovers! (Points directly into the camera)

(Loki is seen on a tree branch and holding an acorn. He throws it at a sleeping Komodo who glares at Loki. The Komodo tries to bite Loki from below. Loki taunts it being just outside the dragon’s reach. The Komodo begins to drool into a bucket below)

Ennui: Yes, drool.

Crimson: That's it. Drool for us.

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: Loki doesn't know fear. (Loki chirps in agreement)

Crimson: (she and Ennui get up close to the dragon) Smell the fear, you cowards.

(The Komodo smells the Goths and runs away in fear.)

Ennui: (he fills the vial up with venom while Crimson grabs Loki) We got the venom. Let's go. (They run to the next challenge)

Josee: (shocked) W-what?!

Jacques: Well, that plan backfired, but thankfully much faster this time.

Josee: (looks at the bucket and smirks) Who cares? We've got what we need!

Jacques: (fills their vial up with venom) What do we do with the bucket?

Josee: (grabs it and throws it in the air) TO THE WINNERS CIRCLE! (She and Jacques laugh as they run)

(In the jungle the siblings and the Julliard students are seen running back to the area where the challenge takes place)

Quince: It’s great that you’re alive and all but I don’t know how we can possibly finish the challenge with enough time to make sure one of us doesn’t go home.

Annie: Don’t worry. I’m sure things will turn out for us in the end and we’ll all get what we deserve. (The bucket Josee threw lands directly in her hands) Huh?

Leo: (smells what’s inside and is disgusted) Ugh, it’s not water, it smells too noxious.

June: (smells what’s inside) It’s the Komodo dragon venom!

Quince/Annie/Leo: Seriously?

June: Yeah! We got what we need!

Leo: Well let’s not stand here let’s hightail back to the challenge! (They all run)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: That’s not the weirdest or luckiest thing that’s happened to us. Once Annie befriended a palm cockatoo that we found out was missing and when the owner came to pick it up he repaid us in allowing us to use his chauffer for a year, man that was a fun prom.  
\---> Annie: Once when I was little I found a Japanese chin puppy in an abandoned oven, my grandparents took it to the shelter and I thought that was the last I would see of it. Imagine my surprise two weeks later when I get as my Christmas present! I still have Eevee to this day.  
\---> Leo: Another time we found some heiress’ diamond ring in a field and she repaid us by allowing us to take anything from her upscale boutique. I guess altruism does pay off.

(Confessional)  
\----> Quince: We should take Annie to a casino, she’d help us clean it up!

(The surfers are about to present their vial to the child)

Brody: Here’s your cup of doom drool! (Don takes it before the kid can. He examines it closely)

Don: Wait a minute. (Looks closer) This is just extinguisher foam! (Throws it away) Try and pull a fast one like that again and you’re disqualified, got it?!

Brody/Geoff: Got it. (They run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: Who still says “pull a fast one”? What is this the 60s?

(While the surfers leave, The Ice Dancers and the goths give the kid their vials. The kids gives them each a tip)

Josee: (reads) It's another All-In!

Crimson: (reads) Prepare to meet your loom.

(Don is seen walking through the middle of giant piles of rugs.)

Don: (smiles) That's right! Loom! Indonesia is known for making eyecat textiles. Lots and lots of eyecat textiles. (Motions to the piles of rugs) Located somewhere in these piles are 16 Ridonculous Rugs that look like this! (He opens up a blue rug with a globe on it) Each team must find one. (He stands next to the Chill Zone next to a beach and lawn chair) Only then can teams make their way over here to the Carpet of Completion! (He sits on the lawn chair) No rush. (He sips out of a coconut drink)

(The gym rats, best friends, and fashion bloggers lay out their game plan)

Tom: Okay, let’s go over the plan one more time. (Uses a stick to point to drawings of the 6 of them on the ground) Gabriella and Nekota will lead a dragon here by luring it with bones, Devin and I will trigger the net once the dragon is in position, and then it’s up to Carrie and Jen to get a vial of venom. Once the gym rats have done their part, Gabriella will get her team’s vial of venom. Clear?

Everyone else: Clear!

(The gym rats find some bones and wave them around to get the attention of one Komodo dragon. It follows them to where the others are. The other two teams hide in nearby bushes. Once the gym rats cross over the net, the dragon follows. When its feet are on the net, Devin and Tom pull hard and the trap springs into action. The beast gets lifted into the tree above, encased in the net. It growls and flails trying to free itself. Carrie and Jen get underneath it and manage to get enough venom into their vials.)

Carrie: Got it!

Jen: Me too!

Devin: Great but we’re losing our grip!

Gabriella: I’ve got this. (Runs over to the two young men, pushes them aside and holds the dragon in place like it was nothing) Get the venom Nekota!

Nekota: On it! (Stands beneath the beast and fills his vial with venom.) Done!

Gabriella: Out of the way! (He moves out of the way and she drops the net. The beast continues to flail about)

Carrie: Wait! (She and Jen quickly remove the net off the animal) Now, run! (They all run over to the safety of their partners)

(Stephanie is seen stuck up a tree while a Komodo tries to bite her.)

Stephanie Aren’t you going to help me?

Ryan: (reading a book) Why, you’re doing fine.

Stephanie: (screams) AUGHHHH! (Rips a branch off the tree and begins to beat the Komodo with the stick) AUGHHHHH!! (The Komodo passes out on the ground dripping drool) And stay down! (She throws the stick to the side)

Ryan: (gets the drool) Okay, I got it. Nice job, Stephanie.

Stephanie: (grabs the vial) Let’s just go! (She and Ryan run for the rugs)

(Back at the big tree, MacArthur and Sanders still hold on for dear life.)

MacArthur: I did it all. Loitering, jay walking, hell the hand was flashing and I went for it. So we’re cool right? (Smiles)

Sanders: (screams) HELLLLLPPP!!!

MacArthur: Yeah we probably should’ve done that about an hour ago.

Sanders/MacArthur: (in unison) HELLLLPPP!

(Near the tree, Geoff and Brody are seen watching a Komodo from behind a bush.)

Geoff: No foam, just venom. You got the body armor?

Brody: (Raises up hands covered by oven mitts) Yep! (Hears the cadets screaming) Hey, you hear something?

Geoff: Probably just some princess in trouble.

MacArthur: (voice) We’re trapped and my butt’s falling asleep!

Brody: (Hears the screaming) Wait, that's my princess! Come on! (He and Brody run towards the screams and see the Cadets stuck in a tree surrounded by Komodos) Oh no!

Geoff: (looks at them) They could light up that tree like match!

Brody: Don’t worry babe! Your knight in quilted armor is here!

Geoff/Brody: (wielding sticks) Battle cry! WAAAHH! (Dragons chase after them. Cut to the Surfers and the Cadets stuck up the same tree)

Geoff: Well that didn’t go as planned.

Don: (voice) While the Cadets and the Surfers circle the last place drain, the Ice Dancers, the Gym Rats, the Best friends, the Fashion Bloggers, Daters and the Goths are tied for first place.

(Josee and Jacques work quickly to find a rug. Tom/Jen, Carrie/Devin, Ryan/Stephanie and Gabriella/Nekota search in that same pile. Crimson/Ennui watch Loki pop out of a rug pile searching around.)

Don: (voice) And the other teams finally grab venom.

(Emma and Kitty are seen tugging on stick against a Komodo who's tugging the stick with his mouth.)

(Back with the animanaics and the anime nerds)

Jordan: Maybe it’s asleep now. (They all look inside the freezer and notice that the lizard has indeed fallen asleep, it’s still breathing and drooling)

Sam: Well now it’s time to get the venom, who’s gonna do it?

Fabian: Not me.

Jordan: I’ve got this. (Jordan sticks her vial into the freezer just inches away from the lizard’s mouth, she gets enough drool to fill it up) there we go.

May: Oh, I’ve got this. (May gets her teams venom as well) Now let’s get on with this challenge.

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: Man are we dating the coolest girls or what?  
\---> Sam: We totally are man. I don’t know of many girls who want to so much as think of a giant lizard, much less get venom from its mouth.

Fabian: Wait what about the lizard?

Sam/Jordan/May: Fine. (They all flip the freezer so that the lizard falls out, they quickly run to the kid to get their next tip while the lizard wakes up and just goes off elsewhere)

(Meanwhile the siblings and the Julliard students arrive back at the challenge)

Annie: (grabs her vial and fills it with the venom) For us!

June: (Does the same thing) And us! (Annie sets the bucket down and they all run to the kid to get their tips)

Don: (voice) Some more dangerously than others.

(Junior is seen trying to tug Dwayne's foot out of a Komodo's mouth. Dwayne looks scared as hell.)

Don: (voice) And one team hasn't made much progress at all.

(Owen is still pinned under Chewey who’s sleeping)

Owen: H-h-h-help me.

Noah: (snaps fingers) Hello? Wakey wakey. (Chewey doesn’t wake up)

(Don is seen in front of the Chill Zone)

Don: (smiles) But hey in this game you never know, sometimes first place become last place just like that. (Snaps fingers) My mistake, the goths are in first! (The goths arrive followed by the ice dancers) In return, the Ice Dancers are in second! Goths for taking first place you get this Komodo dragon skeleton! (Someone pushes a dragon skeleton in front of them) And this collectors copy of the local temple statues. (Several statues are pushed into view)

Josee: (angry) WHAT?! SILVER AGAIN!? THIS! GAME! IS! RIGGED! (Swings the rug in fury) AUGHHHH! (Swings it again hitting Jacques and knocking him over in the process) AUGHHH! (Swings it a third time) AUGHHHHH!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (glaring) I CANT BELIEVE THOSE WEIRDOS BEAT US! OH, I BET THEY'RE JUST LOVING IT!

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: (monotonous) We won, yay.

Don: (voice) While our first place team celebrates, more teams complete the second challenge. (Gabriella and Nekota arrive) 3rd place!

Gabriella/Nekota: Yes! (They high 5)

Jen: (unrolls another rug but it’s not the one she needs) Aww these are all adorable, just like the rug we bought in Morocco. I wish we could take one home.

Tom: (reveals he found the rug they need) Who says we can’t? (They squee in excitement and run off to the chill zone)

Devin: (finds the rug) Found it! (He and Carrie high 5 and head off to the chill zone) 

(Dwayne and Junior are seen finding a rug while Kitty and Emma find their rug. Ryan finds a rug but Stephanie grabs it from him and runs off to the chill zone. The anime nerds find a rug and so do the animaniacs, June and Quince also get a rug, Annie finds her rug and then ties it around her like a superhero cape and runs off to the chill zone with her brother following shortly behind)

Don: (Annie/Leo arrive) 4th! (June/Quince arrive) 5th! (Ryan/Stephanie arrive) 6th! (Emma/Kitty arrive) 7th! (May/Sam arrive) 8th! (Fabian/Jordan arrive) 9th! (Tom/Jen arrive) 10th! (Devin/Carrie arrive) 11th! (Dwayne/Junior arrive) 12th!

Jen: Can we keep the rug?

Don: Sure why not. (The bloggers squee in excitement) With two spaces left, our final three teams are all stuck in a rut, or tree.

(The quartet is still stuck in a tree)

Sanders: We need a diversion. If we throw something at them that smells like us, maybe they’ll go after it.

MacArthur: (pulls out a lock of braided hair in a blue ponytail ribbon) I’ve got this. I was saving it for my man though.

Brody: Wow, your hair doesn’t even look shorter.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: That’s because I cut if from my pits.  
\---> Sanders: Gross!

Brody: (grabs the hair after MacArthur tosses it to him) Too bad we have to toss it, be free my beloved. (Tosses it by the wayside and all the dragons go after it. They all climb down the tree)

(Back with Owen and Noah)

Noah: Great we’re gonna get last place. (Chewey is drooling in his sleep)

Owen: Oh god he’s drooling! (Noah gets an idea, he fills his vial with Chewey’s venom before it reaches Owen’s eye.)

Noah: Got it!

Owen: Great, now get him off of me! (Owen gets so nervous he farts, scaring Chewey off) Well that worked out better than expected.

Noah: Let’s go! (They run off to the kid)

Geoff: Man there’s no way we can get past its fire breath now.

Sanders: Fire breath?

Geoff: Ugh yeah they’re dragons.

MacArthur: Ugh news flash: Komodo dragons don’t breathe fire.

Brody: (shocked) Really? Well in that case. Taxi! (A taxi pulls up in front of him)

Sanders: How are there taxis in the jungle?

Geoff: Don’t worry about it.

Brody: (to the taxi driver) Hey do you mind opening a window? (The driver rolls the front passenger window down and then Brody honks the horn) Here Komodo! (A dragon prowls towards the taxi. The driver lurches back in fear as the dragon pokes its head through the open window. Brody rolls up the window so its neck gets stuck in it. As it struggles to free itself Brody collects his venom) Who wants drool? (The other racers cheer at his accomplishment)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: (the driver is seen breathing into a paper bag in the background) Kids remember, I’m trained professional in all things crazy. Never try this at home, unless of course you live here, in which case go ahead.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: Man that dragon looked angry.  
\---> Sanders: He reminded me of you without your morning coffee.  
\---> MacArthur: (Offended) Hey! (Calmly) Good one man. (Punches her playfully)

(The cadets and surfers have finally arrived at the rug challenge)

Brody: Find the rug! And quickly! (They all scramble to find one)

(Owen and Noah have also moved onto the rugs)

Noah: Okay, I’ll search that pile, you search this one.

Owen: Got it! (Owen dives heard first into a pile, then a large rumbling sound is heard.) That doesn't sound good... (The massive pile of rugs begin to collapse and fall all over the Reality Pros. The rugs are seen everywhere. He comes out holding the rug he needs) Hey, I think I found one! (Looks around) Noah? (Noah is nowhere to be seen)

Noah: (voice from under the rugs) I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM!

Owen: I’ll find you! (Starts searching)

(Brody grabs a rug and unfolds it but it's not the one. He sighs.)

(Sanders kicks a rug on the floor but it's not the one either. She groans.)

(Geoff lifts up two rugs and unfurls them but neither are the one he needs.)

(Owen looks in between rugs to find where Noah is.)

(Brody finds a rug but it's not the one and ditches it to search for the right one.)

(MacArthur finally finds a rug with the rug with a globe on it)

MacArthur: I found it!

(Brody finds a rug with a globe on it as well)

Brody: Got one!

Don: (voice) It's a three-way race for not last place. Who's heading home?  
.........

(Geoff and Brody run with their rug to the Chill Zone)  
.......

(MacArthur and Sanders run with their rug to the Chill Zone)

.........

(Owen is seen rummaging a pile of rugs looking for Noah)

.........

Don: (smiles) It's going to be a close one and............... (Geoff/Brody and MacArthur/Sanders arrive at the Chill Zone with their rugs at the exact same time.) My mistake it wasn't close at all.

(Back at the rugs, Owen is frantically searching for Noah.)

Don: Boys I’m sorry to say but you’re out of the race, you played a good game though, now please leave.

Emma: (Comes running over to search) Noah? Noah? If I could find you I’d kiss you.

Noah: (pops his head out of the rug pile) I’m here!

Owen: Where was that energy a minute ago?

(Emma kisses Noah. Most of the girls and some of the guys go Aww)

Emma: Meet me at the final chill zone and we’ll go out on our first date.

Noah: (dreamily) Got it.

=== Best of Owen and Noah === (The screen shows the best moments of Owen and Noah during their time on the Ridonculous Race. They voice over.)

Noah: (voice) As far as reality shows go, that was as real they get. Still, this Race wasn't a total lost. Did I win? No. Did I get a girlfriend? Yes, so I pretty much won in life.

Owen: (voice) Besides, it's about making friends and having fun. Not about the money. Plus, I’ve already won a butt load of money.

Noah: (voice) And I'm dating a lawyer so I'll never need to work again.

Owen: (voice) I'm sure Emma will love to hear that. (Laughs)

(Owen and Noah are seen walking together on the Indonesian coast)

Owen: (to Noah) So what reality show should we do next?

Noah: Didn’t I tell you? We’ve already been hired to do the next season of- (Cut off because the episode ends)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big chapter with a lot happening. What between the cadets and surfers getting stuck, Annie getting lost, the anime nerds and animaniacs working together, and the cooperation of the gym rats, best friends and fashion bloggers this chapter was absolutely nuts. Winner and loser stay the same as canon but hey, at least Noah is still going out with Emma and they've made it 2 episodes farther this time around. Favorite part this episode: The plan of Devin, Carrie, Tom, Jen, Gabriella and Nekota working perfectly. I'm so excited for the next chapter cause it's my next fanon episode.
> 
> Next episode: Japan
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Crimson & Ennui (1st Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (3rd Place)  
> Leo & Annie (4th Place)  
> June & Quince (5th Place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (6th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (7th Place)  
> Sam & May (8th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (9th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (10th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (11th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (12th place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders/Geoff & Brody (13th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Owen & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	22. Tokyo M G!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teams travel to Japan, where the sushi bar isn't the only place to find red herrings.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, the teams went to Flores, Indonesia. There were dragons, venom, great displays of courage, and a little bit of cuddling. The best friends, the bloggers, and the gym rats worked together in a masterful display of teamwork. Annie played Dr. Ruth to two Komodos, and Jordan and May got to spend some alone time together. The Ice Dancers failed to mess with the winning Goths and inadvertently saved the Julliard students and the siblings from elimination. Sadly, Owen and Noah were eliminated but hey, Noah got a kiss and Emma promised him a date. (Is seen at yesterday's chill zone) Today is a new day and anything can happen because this is THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return back to the Ridonculous Race. Don is seen in front of the camera at yesterday's Chill Zone on the Indonesian beach. Crimson and Ennui wait near him with a Don Box next to them.)

Don: (smiles) Welcome back to yesterday's Chill Zone in Flores, Indonesia where the Goths wait to grab today's first tip.

Crimson: (presses the button and reads the tip) We're going to-

May: TOKYO, JAPAN?!

Fabian: (pumps fist) Yes!

(Don is seen standing in a slideshow of Tokyo, Japan)

Don: (voice) Japan is an old island nation known as the “land of the rising sun”. It’s famous for anime and manga, Hayao Miyazaki, the world’s largest seafood menu, major advances in technology and robotics, sumo, ninja, yakuza, samurai, and beautiful cherry blossom trees. Teams will all board one flight here, to Haneda Airport.

(All the teams find taxis and head off to Adisucipto International Airport. They all book a flight to Tokyo. They board the plane and then they shut the door.)

Don: (voice) It’s a 10 hour flight. And some teams are already rip roaring and ready to go. (The animaniacs and the anime nerds are very happy about Japan)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: Japan?! Seriously?! (To Sam) Okay we can’t lose here! Well we can’t lose at all but we especially can’t lose here!  
\---> Sam: Hey I don’t wanna loose either!  
\---> May: I’m half Japanese, and I love the anime and manga world, it’s my life and blood.  
\---> Sam: Losing here would get us laughed out of every fandom we’re apart of!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: We’re pretty excited to go to Japan.  
\---> Fabian: And we’ve got the leg up because May knows 5 languages, including Japanese! This is gonna be fun!

(Elsewhere on the plane Dwayne and Junior sit together and Dwayne tries to talk to his son)

Dwayne: So Japan seems like fun huh? I mean you love Pokémon.

Junior: Yeah I’m actually really excited about where we’re going. Though I’ve heard Japan is nowhere near as fun as tv shows make it look.

Fabian: (off screen) So who’s your favorite? (Father and Son yelp in surprise and the camera pans out to reveal Fabian sitting right next to them)

Dwayne: How long were you sitting there? And how did we not hear you?

Fabian: Not too long and I’m just very quiet. In fact sometimes my teachers forgot I was in the classroom and had to retake attendance, still I got perfect attendance from preschool to the day I graduated high school. (To Junior) So you’re a huge fan of pokemon, do you watch the anime or play the games?

Junior: Mixture of both, and my favorite Pokémon is the cyndaquil line, you?

Fabian: A tie between eevee and altaria.

Sam: (gets up from behind the row behind them) I personally love the totodile line the most. (Dwayne and Junior are startled once again) Hi.

Dwayne: You people are too quiet!

Sam: Sorry man, hey why don’t we all work together today? We already hung out on the train in New Zealand and haven’t had much time since then.

Dwayne: Sure that sounds nice, right Junior?

Junior: Sure, maybe my dad can take some cool tips from the rest of you.

Dwayne: Hey!

Fabian: Oh come on your dads gotta be sort of cool.

Junior: He’s an accountant. Even a geologist, who literally studies rocks, sometimes goes and visits volcanoes.

Dwayne: Hey I’m one of the best damn accountants at my firm.

Sam: I think that’s definitely something to be proud of.

Junior: Don’t tell me you think he’s cool?

Sam: As a matter of fact I do.

Junior: Seriously?

Sam: Seriously.

Dwayne: See? (To Sam) Nice of you and your friends to cozy up to us.

Sam: Well I kind of see my father in you and myself in Junior.

Dwayne/Junior: Really?

Sam: Really. In fact… (Pulls out photo from his wallet and show’s it to the Dwaynes)

Dwayne: How’d you get this picture of my son?

Junior: Dad that’s not me, though it does look a lot me. (Photo shows Junior without his hat and with slightly longer and lighter hair and smaller eyebrows)

Sam: That’s actually me when I was 13.

Junior: Whoa! Talk about degrees of separation! Does this mean I’ll look like you when I’m your age?

Sam: Maybe.

Junior: Sweet!

(Dwayne suddenly imagines Junior dressed like Sam and Sam dressed like Junior, this gravely disturbs him.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: Don’t get me wrong. Sam’s a nice kid and all but I’ve seen and heard some the things he’s done. That’s behavior you tolerate for a friend, not for your son!

(Elsewhere Kitty is seen talking to a melancholy Emma)

Kitty: What’s the matter?

Emma: Noah’s gone. I already miss his snarky sense of humor and apathetic stance towards life.

Kitty: I can imagine it’s hard when your boyfriend leaves you in the middle of a race around the world but remember what you said. We’ll meet at the final chill zone, imagine the date you can take him on if we win.

Emma: You’re right! From now on, my entire focus will be on the game and winning it for Noah!

Kitty: There we go.

(The plane finally lands in Japan and the teams spill out of the pane)

Don: (voice) Our teams have touched down and are searching for the don box.

(Annie approaches the don box but Josee pushes her out of the way to get the tip)

Leo: (helping his sister up) Rude.

Josee: (reading) Take the bullet train to Shibuya station-

Stephanie: (reading) -and find your next travel tip around Hachiko’s collar.

Don: (standing by the Hachiko Statue) Hachiko was an Akita dog who waited for his owner every day at the Shibuya station, one day his owner died but Hachiko still waited for him every day for 10 years until he too died, and they were buried together. (Tears up a little) Gets me emotional just thinking about it. (Returns to normal) Teams will take the next bullet train here and search for “a dog named Hachiko”.

Ryan: Where’s the train?

Sanders: There. (Points to the bullet train pulling into the station, doors open and some people get out but it’s still so full that none of the racers think they’ll fit)

June: Yeah I don’t think I’m gonna be able to- Oof! (Is interrupted as a train pusher pushes all the racers onto the already packed train. Everyone fits and the doors close. Everyone’s packed in tightly like a can of sardines, the goths are the only ones who don’t mind being in such close corners)

Emma: (she and Kitty are pressed up against the glass) Well if there’s one good thing about Noah being gone it’s that Owen’s gone too.

Kitty: Yeah with him gone this train’s probably not as cramped as it could be.

Sam: (to Jordan) The last time we were this close together we weren’t even born yet.

MacArthur: Who’s touching my butt?

Tom: Trust me it is in no way intentional, but I can’t move my hand.

Devin: (gasping) Can’t breathe.

Leo: Could somebody call room service and ask them to send up a bigger room?

Dwayne: Junior, where are you?

Junior: (Off screen) I’m here but I don’t know where here is.

Brody: Uh Geoff, I need to go to the bathroom.

Everyone else: Hold it! (The train takes off)

Don: (voice) Man I’d hate to be them, hope no one’s claustrophobic.

(Inside the train Josee is very uncomfortable)

Josee: How much longer until we make it?! I hate it in here!

May: Don’t worry it should only take 35 more minutes.

Josee: AAAAHHHHH!!!

Jacques: Just hold it together a little while longer mon petit chou!

(The train travels through the beautiful Japanese countryside)

Annie: (pressed against the glass) Wow.

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: The Japanese countryside was truly breathtaking, well it would be if the compression didn’t already make me breathless. 

(The train arrives at Shibuya station and an employee opens the doors and people spill out like air beads out of a bean bag chair. The contestants themselves spill out onto the floor)

Josee: Yes! I can breathe again!

June: We gotta find Hachiko, come on! (Quince gets up and they run to find the dog)

(More teams get up and start searching the station. The daters follow the anime nerds, father/son, and the animaniacs)

Ryan: Why are we wasting our time following them when we should be looking for that dog?

Stephanie: Simple, we don’t speak Japanese but no doubt she (Points to May) does, we just follow her.

Ryan: What makes you think she knows Japanese?

Stephanie: Ugh her team’s called “the anime nerds”, use your head for once.

(Confessional)  
\---> Stephanie: The idea is simple. We follow that May girl and have her find the tips we need today. We don’t know anything about Japan so we’re going to let her lead the way.  
\---> Ryan: Isn’t that freeloading?  
\---> Stephanie: Do you want to win this show or not?  
\---> Ryan: Yeah but- (cut off)  
\---> Stephanie: Then let the smart one lead the way.

(The anime nerds and followers find the Hachiko statue)

Fabian: Nice! (Looks at the statue’s neck but can’t find a collar) Nothing’s there.

Jordan: Uh, (camera points to several Akita dogs with tips around their collars) I think that’s our Hachiko, somewhere.

Don: (voice) Yes he’s somewhere. If they know Japanese or simply match the characters on the dog’s collars to the ones on the statue they’ll get their tip. Only one dog is named Hachiko and has real tips, the rest of the dogs have gag tips that will lead contestants on a wild goose chase, but they’ll only find that out after they complete the joke challenge.

(The dog’s collars say アイリス, タケシ, ハルカ, マサ, ヒカ, サトシ, カスミ, ハチ公, デント, セレナ, ユリーカ, and シトロン)

May: Here! (Takes tip from the Akita with the light golden brown color and peach white face. Stephanie, Jordan and Dwayne all grab tips from the same dog) It's an Either-Or. Dance or Dine?

Don: (At an arcade) This is the only real tip. In this Either-Or, teams can either come to this arcade and play a complicated dance game of Simon Says with this robot, he’ll dance and they have to copy his moves until he deems them rad enough to give them their next tip, (Is in a sushi restaurant) or can come to this sushi restaurant and play a game of sushi roulette, the chef will give one teammate a plate of sushi and they’ll have to eat it within two minutes to see if there’s a tip underneath it, if they’re unsuccessful their partner will be given another sushi roll next and have to eat that, and so on and so forth until they get their next tip. And what they don’t know is that some rolls will contain wasabi, if whoever gets it can eat it within the allotted time and not cough it up, the chef will give them the tip.

Fabian: I’m not really the best dancer but on the other hand I hate raw fish, and fish food of any kind.

Jordan: So we’re going to the robot?

Fabian: Yep. (They run off to the arcade)

Sam: Wanna do the robot?

May: Hell yeah. (They follow Jordan/Fabian)

Junior: I don’t like sushi.

Dwayne: You’ve never tried it.

Junior: Well I’m not gonna start now. (Runs off to the arcade)

Dwayne: Wait up! (Runs to reach his son)

Ryan: Well I’m feeling generous today so I’m gonna let you decide what we do.

Stephanie: Simple, sushi. (They run off to the restaurant)

(The siblings and the anime nerds arrive where the dogs are)

Leo: Any of you speak or read Japanese?

June: Nope.

Quince: I can only say hello. (The light golden brown Akita runs up to Annie and licks her playfully)

Annie: (grabs two tips from its collar) おかげで (Gives one to June)

Leo: Wait do you know for sure that’s Hachiko?

Annie: Haven’t you learned by now to put more trust in me?

Leo: Fair enough. (They and the Juilliard students read the tip) What are you two gonna do?

June: Uh, there’s a dancing challenge involved, of course we’re gonna do that. You?

Leo: We’re hungry so we’re gonna go and get sushi.

Quince: Well good luck. (They run off in their respective directions)

(The arcade where the robot challenge takes place is shown. It’s very flashy and colorful and J-pop music plays loudly. May/Sam, Fabian/Jordan, Dwayne/Junior, and June/Quince arrive.)

Fabian: I am loving this music.

Jordan: No time for karaoke, gotta dance.

Dwayne: Where’s this robot anyway?

Quince: (Points) There. (They all head into a large white room that’s dark) This place is weird. (Doors behind them close and the room lights up bright white) What’s happening?

June: I think the room is turning on. (Suddenly the room glows many bright colors that resemble space)

(Robot in the room powers up)

Robot: Domo, are you ready to dance? (Music starts)

Fabian: Uh maybe just not now.

Robot: Now… Dance! (Music really kicks up and the robot does a star pose and everyone copies) Good! (Robot starts dancing and everyone does their best to copy his moves. Suddenly) Moonwalk! (R&B pop plays and the robot does the moonwalk and everyone tries to copy but only June, Sam and Dwayne are really successful in copying it) Walk like Egyptian. (Bangles like music plays and the robot does the pose and June and Quince successfully copy it) Groovy! (Chic’s “Le Freak” plays, everyone tries to dance along but only June, Sam and Quince are successful in copying the robot) Robot. (Techno music plays and the robot does the robot, June, Sam and Quince successfully copy what the robot does)

Don: (voice) While some teams dance the night away let’s see how our two teams who chose sushi are doing.

(Cuts to the siblings and the daters entering the sushi restaurant)

Stephanie: (sits down) So what’s on the menu? (Leo sits down)

(Chef gives them both sashimi and both start eating quickly)

Leo: This is pretty good. (Continues to chow down)

(Both look at each other fiercely until they finish. But there was no tip underneath the fish)

Stephanie: You’re up, don’t mess it up.

Ryan: Thanks for the words of encouragement.

(Leo and Stephanie switch positions with their partners. Ryan and Annie are given a plate of salmon roe. Both eat quickly but there was no tip there either)

Annie: Switch time!

(Back at the Hachiko statue the ice dancers arrive)

Jacques: Which of these doggies is Hachiko? (Josee notices a golden Akita and grabs the tip off of it) What makes you think that’s the dog we need?

Josee: It’s gold, just like we will be. (Reads the tip and Gasps) We have to go the local ice skating rink! There’s gold there! In addition to the don box! (They both runaway happily)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Finally! An ice skating challenge! We’ll get the gold we so richly deserve!  
\---> Jacques: This show is finally turning in our favor!

(The cadets and the gym rats reach the dogs just seconds after the ice dancers leave)

Gabriella: Hey there.

Sanders: Hey.

MacArthur: No time for pleasantries. Now which dog has the tip?

Gabriella: Well it’s certainly not the dog the ice dancers got their tip from.

Nekota: What makes you so sure?

Gabriella: Uh, it’s the ice dancers. Anything they do, we do the opposite.

MacArthur: I agree with her, any dog but the golden dog.

Nekota: (looks at the statues carvings and the dogs collars) I think it’s this one (Grabs tip off the black, white and brown Akita) It says go to Hamarikyu Gardens and find the don box there. (The gym rats leave and the cadets grab their tip from the same dog)

Don: 3 teams have chosen a zonk, will anyone else fall victim? The only way to find out is to stay tuned here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

(Commercial break)

(Back at the arcade those who chose robot are still dancing. Only June, Quince, May, Jordan, and Sam aren’t exhausted)

Fabian: I hope there’s no rhythmic ass shaking here, cause mine’s not applicable or marketable in any of the 50 states or Guam or American Samoa or Puerto Rico or the Virgin Islands.

Robot: Jig (Irish music plays and the racers do their best to copy it) Stop! (Music and dancing stops) I have determined the winners. (Everyone looks nervous) June and Quince, you are the winners this round!

June: Yes!

Quince: Finally!

Robot: Here’s your tip. (Gives them the tip and they read it)

June: Go to Fujikyu Highland theme park and find the don box. Let’s go! (They run off)

Robot: 2nd round starting soon. (Those left groan)

(Confessional)  
\---> June: Of course we stomped that challenge.  
\---> Quince: I may not be a professional dancer but apparently all of June’s “coaching” finally paid off. We might win this leg.

(Back at the dogs every other team has arrived)

Kitty: Which dog has the tips we need?

Geoff: Here boy! (Whistles) Here Hachiko! (Pure white dog runs up to Geoff and seems playful) Good boy! (Grabs the tip from his collar and reads it) It says we need to go a ramen restaurant and find the don box.

Brody: I hope Macarthur’s there! (They run off. Kitty proceeds to grab a tip from that dog’s collar but Emma stops her)

Emma: Are you seriously going to trust them?

Kitty: What like you can find Hachiko?

(Emma examines the engraving on the statue and then sees what’s on the dog’s collars. She takes a tip from the light golden dog)

Emma: Guess that semester of Asian studies at university paid off. (Reads it) We can either dance with a robot or eat sushi.

Kitty: Well I am pretty hungry but I also wanna dance.

Emma: Robot it is. (They run off)

(The best friends and the fashion bloggers ponder what to do next)

Carrie: Do we get the tip from the dog the surfers choose or the sisters?

Jen: What if they both got the wrong tip?

(Crimson and Ennui let Loki get their tip, he chooses from the light golden brown dog and they head off to eat sushi)

Tom: Well that’s one more for the light golden dog.

Devin: We could be here all day. (Grabs tip from the light golden dog) Let’s just get this over quick and pray and hope we can get it done quickly enough so that if it’s a sham we’ll have enough time to do the real challenge.

Jen: He’s right. (Grabs tip from same dog) Let’s bolt. (They all run off to the arcade)

(At the sushi restaurant Ryan and Annie are eating again and they’re snacking on sea urchin. When they finish they find no tip again. As they get ready to change partners the Goths arrive and Ennui sits down to eat)

Ennui: What’s on the menu?

(The chef presents them with octopus. Leo and Stephanie are a bit hesitant to chow down but start eating when they see Ennui eating like it’s nothing. They all finish and there’s still no tip)

Stephanie: Ugh, this is becoming pointless! (To Ryan) You’re up.

(Ryan, Annie and Crimson sit down to eat. The chef gives them all California rolls, but what Annie doesn’t know is that the avocado in hers is really wasabi. They all start to eat and Annie is completely unfazed by the wasabi, she doesn’t even notice it. When they’re all done there’s no tip and they see the chef has a look of pure shock)

Annie: Is something the matter?

Chef: You eat wasabi. (Ryan, Stephanie and Leo all gasp in shock, the Goths are also surprised but they don’t visibly show it)

Annie: I did?

(The chef, still in his state of shock, gives Annie the tip)

Annie: Oh, I guess I got the tip. (Reads it) Oh, we’re going to a theme park.

Leo: Sweet, let’s bolt. (They run outside to get into a cab)

(Confessional)  
\----> Leo: I don’t think you get how epic that was. You ate wasabi like it was candy.  
\----> Annie: All I felt was a little tingle, like that time I had Mexican chocolate.

(At the ice skating rink the ice dancers arrive and see the sign detailing their next “challenge”)

Josee: No one else is here! We must have the lead! (They read the tip and Gasp) It’s an all in! Speed skater!

Don: This “all in” requires teams to put on speed skating uniforms and then grab a sleigh, one team mate will be the dog and pull the sleigh, where their partner sits, three times around the track. Then they’ll switch and the sitter will become the skater for another 3 laps. Their combined time mustn’t be longer than 3:45.

(Josee and Jacques are already in their uniforms and have Jacques pulling the sleigh and Josee sitting on it)

Josee: Skate Jacques! Skate like your life depends on it!

Jacques: When doesn’t it?! (The timer starts and Jacques skates like crazy, he manages to complete the lap in only 32 seconds, he completes the second lap in 31 seconds and finishes his final lap in 30 seconds. The timer then pauses while they trade places)

Josee: Switch! (She and Jacques quickly switch places) We’re ready! Let’s go! (The second timer starts and Josee skates not only quickly but beautifully. She finishes her fist lap in 30 seconds, she does the same with her second and third lap. Their total time is 185 seconds, they’ve succeeded.)

Josee: YES! (They run over to the stadium’s manager) Now give us our next tip! (Gives them their tip. It reads “you’ve been zonked”) Zonked?!

Jacques: This challenge was a sham?!

Manager: Hai.

Josee: That means… (Worried) we’re not in first place!

Jacques: Wait, wait! If we got a fake tip that means only one dog has real tips. Maybe the rest of the teams all got fake tips too.

Josee: You’re right! We can still win this! Hurry! (They run quickly back to the Hachiko statue)

Manager: Hey those suits and skates aren’t yours! Give them back to me! (The Ice Dancers throw them back to him and he falls to the ground, he’s okay.)

Josee: (off-screen) Happy?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: A fake challenge?! Don has it in for us! I know he does! I bet he’s laughing it up right now!  
\---> Jacques: Well we’ll be the ones laughing when we come in first again!

(At the Hamarikyu Gardens the gym rats and the cadets arrive. They find a sign detailing their next challenge)

Gabriella: (reads) It’s an all-in.

Sanders: (reads) Maiden voyage

Don: This “all in” requires teams to carry one of these local women (Motions to several women in traditional Japanese robes sitting on palanquins) 1/3 of a mile to the tea ceremony pavilion. If they drop her they’ll have to start again.

(Both teams grab a palanquin and start carrying it as fast as they can. The maidens look like they’re gonna fall off so they both slow down a little. The cadets cross a small bridge while the gym rats choose to cross some stepping stones over a pond. It’s neck and neck as they inch each other out little by little until… the cadets arrive at the ceremony pavilion first.)

Macarthur: Boo yah! (Starts dancing victoriously)

Sanders: Don’t show off we haven’t even reached the chill zone yet.

Gabriella: Yeah, we could still win.

Nekota: Well it doesn’t matter who made it here first, what matters is we both get our tips. (The maidens both give them tips that say “you’ve been zonked”) Zonk? This challenge wasn’t real?

MacArthur: You did this! You led us here to throw us off course and get us eliminated! Let me atem! Let me atem! (Tries to attack them but Sanders holds her back)

Gabriella: Calm down! If we wanted to eliminate you why would we come here too?

Sanders: Yeah, maybe Nekota just got the collars mixed up.

MacArthur: (Calms down) Huh, maybe you’re right. Sorry man.

Nekota: Let’s just go back to the dogs and find the right tip, at least now we know what tips are wrong. (They all head back)

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: Pretty ingenious of Don to set up fake clues. Totally caught us by surprise.  
\---> Gabriella: Hopefully we find the real challenge this time.

(Somewhere in downtown Tokyo Geoff and Brody reach the ramen restaurant and find a sign detailing their next challenge)

Geoff: (reads) It’s an all-in. Chop chop.

Don: This “all in” requires teams to feed each other bowls of ramen using only a pair of chopsticks. They won’t be given their tip until the finish all the noodles and everything else besides the liquid.

(Geoff and Brody sit on opposing sides on a table. A waitress then gives them their bowls of ramen, they contain hardboiled egg, pork and chopped vegetables. She then gives them their chopsticks)

Geoff: (determined) Let’s do this!

(He and Brody grab their chopsticks and try to pick up the noodles but they keep slipping through. They try and try but they get fed up and instead use the sticks to spear the meat, eggs and vegetables and eat them. It works until all that’s left are the noodles)

Brody: What do we do man?

Geoff: (gets an idea) I think I know what to do. (Uses the chopsticks to dunk Brody’s head into the ramen bowl) Eat man! (Brody complies and starts slurping up the noodles face down in them. When he’s done Geoff lifts his head back up) You done man?

Brody: Yeah.

Geoff: Kay, now you do the same to me. (Brody complies and uses his chopsticks to dunk Geoff’s head into his ramen bowl. Geoff eats up quickly and Brody pulls him out) Done!

(The waitress comes over to them and gives them their tip, it reads “you’ve been zonked”)

Brody: Wait this challenge was a wild goose chase?

Geoff: Yeah, we gotta go back! (They run back)

(Confessional)  
\----> Geoff: Guess I shouldn’t accept every gift I get from a cute dog, I really should’ve learned that after I got fleas.

(Back at the arcade the sisters, the best friends, and the bloggers arrive to search for the robot. They see the robot and the 3 remaining teams dancing to ballroom music)

Robot: Waltz. (Classical music plays and the contestants imitate the robots moves. Dwayne and Fabian are having trouble keeping pace and rhythm. Suddenly) Stop! (Everyone stops) New challengers approach. We begin soon but first I give tip. (Everyone hopes they’re the team called) Sam and May, you are the winners this round! (Sam and May cheer while everyone else groans) Here your tip. (Gives them tip which they then read)

May: Oh, we’re going to Fujikyu Highland theme park. (They get ready to leave but call out to the animaniacs) Bye, hope you guys are next. (They leave and the three new teams enter the dance room)

Robot: New round. Ready? (Everyone gets ready) Square dance! (Country music plays and everyone tries to copy the robot’s moves.) K-Pop! (Girly K-Pop music plays and the robot does all sorts of cutesy moves, only Kitty, Tom, Jen and Carrie can match it)

(Back at the Hachiko statue the teams that went on the wild goose chases have arrived)

Gabriella: You allowed yourself to get zonked? I though you we’re better than that Josee.

Josee: Look who’s talking.

Sanders: Everyone just stop fighting and let’s all work together to get the real tips, unless we all wanna waste more of our time.

Jacques/Josee: Fine!

(They look at all the dogs)

Brody: Okay so that one, (points to white, black and brown Akita) that one, (points to pure white Akita) and that one (points to golden Akita) didn’t have the real tips. So that leaves 9 dogs who probably do have the real tips.

Jacques: Any of you speak Japanese?

Everyone else: Nope.

(Nekota relooks at the dog’s collars and at the statues engravings, this time he chooses from the light gold dog)

Nekota: I think this is the real tip.

Josee: Yeah cause that worked so well last time.

Gabriella: Do have a better choice?

Josee: (realizes she has no better clue than anyone else and just grabs it off the dog Nekota recommended and reads it) Ooh, we’re definitely doing the dancing robot. (She and Jacques leave to go to the arcade)

(Everyone else reads the tips and decide on the following: The cadets and surfers go to the sushi restaurant while the gym rats unenthusiastically follow the ice dancers)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: I can’t believe we have to do a challenge with them.  
\---> Nekota: Just suck it up and try to block the next couple minutes of life from your memory.

(At the restaurant Stephanie and Ennui are both given plates of scallops, except Ennui doesn’t know his is topped with a tiny smidge of wasabi. They eat and Ennui, just like Annie, doesn’t seem to know or care that he ate wasabi. Once again the chef is stunned in silence by what he just saw.)

Chef: Here your tip. (Gives Ennui the tip and he Crimson and Loki leave. As they leave the restaurant the cadets and surfers come inside.)

Stephanie: Oh come on already, just give us the tip! We’ve eaten 15 plates of sushi already!

Chef: You either find it or wasabi find you.

(Stephanie switches places with Ryan as Geoff and MacArthur sit down to eat. The chef serves them all surf clam)

(At Fujikyu Highland theme park, taxis carrying the siblings and the Julliard students arrive and both teams get out)

June: See you made it. Did you enjoy your meal?

Leo: Yeah, and Annie ate wasabi like it was nothing.

Quince: Really?

Annie: (breathing her hot breath right in his face) Yeah, I didn’t even know what I ate until the chef pointed it out. (Her breath inflames Quince’s nostrils)

Quince: Well good for you. (He and Leo press the don box for tips and read them) It’s another either-or. Enter the thrill zone?

Don: This either-or gives teams one of several options. They can either ride The Pizza, (camera shows Frisbee ride), Dodonpa (Camera shows roller coaster), Fujiyama (Camera shows bigger roller coaster), Shining Flower (Camera shows giant Ferris wheel), Tekkotsu Bancho (Camera shows giant swing ride), Red tower (Camera shows big red drop ride), Takabsiha, (Camera shows another roller coaster) or go through Super Scary Labyrinth of Fear (Camera shows haunted house). On each ride is a sign saying “Can we please have our next travel tip?” in phonetic Japanese. Once they get off the ride they have to say it to the ride operator, if they say it right they’ll get their tip that will lead them to the chill zone. Get it wrong or forget it and they’ll have to ride it again.

Quince: (reading) You may switch rides but only once, so choose wisely. And you can’t ride any ride not listed.

(Taxis carrying the Anime nerds and the Goths arrive and both teams leave and head to the Don Box)

Annie: Let’s go on the Ferris wheel. It’s the least scary.

Leo: Fine let’s just this over and done. (To June) See ya.

June: We’re choosing the ride with the shortest line.

Quince: Is that a command or an idea?

June: (drags him in search) Questions later. (They arrive at the ride with the shortest line, it’s Red Tower)

Quince: Still feel like this was a good idea?

June: (snaps out of the fear) Yes. Come on let’s wait. (They get in line)

(Back at the arcade the ice dancers and the gym rats arrive and see all the other people who’ve chosen the robot dance doing the mambo, all are clearly exhausted.)

Robot: Stop! New challengers approach. (Everyone’s glad to have stopped dancing for the moment) The winners this round are Kitty and Emma and Tom and Jen. (The two teams cheer while the other groan) Here your tips. (Gives them their tips and they both leave)

Tom: Good luck guys.

Jen: Hope we see you at the chill zone.

Carrie: (exhausted) Yeah, you too. (The gyms and the ice dancers get inside and get ready to dance battle it out)

Robot: New round. And… dance! (Swing music plays and the teams try to copy the robot’s moves and the ice dancers unsurprisingly succeed at it) Rock n roll. (Early rock n roll music plays and this time Fabian and Dwayne are in the swing of things, the gym rats and the ice dancers make it a challenge to out dance each other.) Radical man! (80s pop music plays and only the Ice dancers and the gym rats succeed at copying the robot. Suddenly) Stop! (Everyone stops dancing) We have winners. Jacques and Josee and Nekota and Gabriella win. (Both teams cheer) Here your tip. (Gives them both tips and they leave) Next round. (The three teams left groan in exhaustion)

(Back at the sushi restaurant Stephanie, Brody, and Sanders get ready to sit down and eat again. The chef gives them all seaweed salad, and Stephanie unknowingly gets wasabi in hers. She starts eating and immediately starts suffering)

Stephanie: AAAAAAHH! Wasabi! 

Chef: Ha ha, finally.

Ryan: Don’t spit it out! Finish it!

Stephanie: (Tearing up and nose is running) Is that a threat or a challenge? (Scarfs down the rest of her plate in time and collapses on the floor in agony)

Ryan: Don’t worry babe! (Runs into the kitchen and grabs some milk then gives it to her) Drink this!

Stephanie: (drinks it quickly) Oh sweet relief. (Stares at Ryan lovingly. Dreamily) Ryan… (Snaps back to it) thanks for the milk. And see I told you I could handle this challenge.

Ryan: Then was the writhing in pain just for show?

Stephanie: As a matter of fact yes. (The chef gives them the tip) We’re going to a theme park.

Ryan: Kind of like our second date. (They leave the restaurant)

(MacArthur and Geoff get ready to eat)

MacArthur: Come on tip!

(Confessional)  
\----> Stephanie: (Dreamily) It was so touching that Ryan gave me comfort in my time of pain, it really was sweet. (Snaps back to her typical self) I mean... oh who am I kidding I still love him, but I can’t let him know that. Our hatred has brought us this far in the competition and we can’t stop now.

(Confessional)  
\----> Ryan: Yeah Stephanie might have insulted me multiple times this race, and few times today but I still care for her. I just can’t let her know that I still love her, not until we either win or lose.

(MacArthur and Geoff get crab rolls and both starts chowing down. MacArthur gets the tip at the bottom and Geoff doesn’t)

Sanders: Yes!

MacArthur: Finally! (The chef gives them the tip and they leave)

Geoff: You’re up next man.

Brody: Come on chef man give it to me. (The chef gives him squid rolls and Brody spears them with a chop stick and then dunks them all in soy sauce and chows down, the tip is at the bottom) Yeah man!

Geoff: Let’s kick it into overdrive! (They leave)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: (Burps) I think I’m done with fish and food for a while.  
\---> Brody: Me too, but at least I didn’t get the wasabi. (Burps louder)

(At the theme park Annie and Leo are in line for the Ferris wheel and June/Quince wait for the Red Tower. The Ice Dancers, sisters and fashion bloggers arrive at the don box and get their tips. The goths and the anime nerds get ready to go through the haunted labyrinth)

Sam: Ready man?

Ennui: I guess.

(The doors open and both teams enter the labyrinth. It’s poorly lit as they walk to a room full of several hospital gurneys and one scareactor pops out with lacerations across his face and screaming, neither team is fazed and both continue into the next room, the actor follows them and they both just run away annoyed by his advances till they make it to the end of a long hallway, they look down it)

Sam: Where do you think they’ll pop out?

May: Anywhere. (Both teams walk down the hall and hear some moaning, then someone pops out of a door right in Ennui’s face, he’s not amused. They continue to walk as several more scareactors pop out and lunge at the teams but neither are affected. Suddenly another actor pops up in front of Ennui, Ennui’s not scared and Loki pops his head out of his shirt. This scares the actor who runs away terrified.)

Actor: Aaaahhh! Bunny!

May: A haunted house worker who’s afraid of rabbits?

Sam: I guess the only requirement here is not be afraid of the dark.

Crimson: Weak. (The teams walk down the hallway and see a sign that says 我々 はしてください私たちの次の旅行のヒントを持つことができます.)

May: That’s the saying!

Sam: Nice! Now let’s all get out of here. (They turn to see a hole in a wall covered in yellow cautionary tape that says “do not cross” in Japanese) I think that’s where we go next. (They all go through the hole in the wall and then walk down that corridor until they find sign that says “please go through this door”) You wanna open it?

(Crimson and Ennui comply and open the door, they enter an operating room, it all seems calm at first until another scareactor pops out from behind a curtain)

Actor: AAAHHH! (This doesn’t scare anyone) Oh come on! Anything?

Crimson: Nope.

Sam: Nice try man.

May: Bye. (They all leave while the actor goes back to his spot dejected)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: What a rip off. Not only is this place not scary, it’s not even making an effort.  
\---> Crimson: Now Horror-spitality, that was good entertainment.

(They continue to walk through the house and several actors try to scare them, but to no avail. One actor pops out in front of the goths but is scared off by their appearance. They reach an elevator door and they look up above at a screen counting down)

Sam: I think we’re entering the most terrifying part of the house.

May: I have a feeling this’ll be more intense than anything we’ve faced before.

Crimson: I’ll believe it when I see it. (The screen says “go” and the doors open and both teams walk into the room. Outside the house we hear a lot of screaming coming from inside and out of the doors at the end several actors run out terrified, some are even crying. The goths and the anime nerds reach the end and find the park employee who will give them their tips, he’s shocked that 4 people have walked through the labyrinth completely unfazed. He then gives them all a celebratory plaque)

Sam: What’s this?

Employee: Very few people can walk through this house to the end, so those that do, we give them something special.

May: Oh that reminds me 我々 はしてください私たちの次の旅行のヒントを持つことができます? (Employee gives her the tip)

Crimson: I forget what the sign said.

Ennui: I assume we’ll have to walk through the house again? (Not wanting that to happen, someone inside just throws the sign with the saying outside where it lands at the goths feet) My mistake. (Looks at the sign) 我々 はしてください私たちの次の旅行のヒントを持つことができます? (The employee gives them their tip)

Sam: (Reads the tip) Grab a cab and go to (gasps) the Studio Ghibli Museum?!

Don: (seen inside the museum) This museum is dedicated to the work of one of the world’s most consistently beautiful and epic movie studios, the chill zone is located somewhere in the museum but they’ll have to figure that out by themselves. (Leans on catbus)

Sam: Taxi! (He hails a cab and his team gets inside)

Crimson: Cab. (She hails one and her team gets inside it)

(Back the arcade the robot gives the last 3 teams their tips and they leave for the theme park.)

Don: (voice) Everyone has their tips and they’re all heading to the theme park or waiting in line, now it will all come down to which ride moves the quickest.

(In the theme park the Julliard students are next to ride the Red Tower, both seem very nervous)

Quince: Ready?

June: (half-heartedly) Yeah. (They both get in their seats and buckle up. The ride starts to climb and climb) Okay keep your eyes open for the sign. (Looks around as the ride ascends) See anything?

Quince: No. (Looks around some more until) There I see it! (Points to the sign on the roof of a building)

June: Great now look at it and memorize it. (Notices the seats are at the very top of the ride, they both look down and see how high up they are) Wow that’s very high up, you think we’ll be given any warning before- (The ride drops rapidly)

Both: AAAAAHHHH!! (The ride suddenly stops)

June: (Shaken) Okay, okay I think it stopped. Do you remember the saying? (The ride drops again)

Both: AAAAAAHHH!! (The ride stops)

Quince: This is bull- AAAAAHHH! (Ride repeatedly goes up and down and up and down with the Julliard students screaming every time it descends. Finally it lands on the ground and a park employee unlocks the seats. Everyone else gets up and walks away but the Julliard students just fall to the ground all tense and shaken) That was very, VERY unpleasant! (Both start to crawl to the park employee and June pulls herself up)

Employee: You people from Canadian race show?

June: Yes, (ponders for a moment) Wait what was I supposed to say? Do you remember it? (Looks down at Quince still shaking on the ground in terror) How about we switch rides?

Quince: (shaking) Good idea. (Looks at tip again) Let’s go on Tekkotso Bancho, it’s just a swing ride. It may be tall but it doesn’t drop.

June: Good thinking. (Both limp their way to the huge swing ride)

Don: (voice) While the Julliard students switch rides everyone else waits. (Camera splits into multiple screens and show June/Quince, Jordan/Fabian, Carrie/Devin, & Tom/Jen waiting in line for Tekkotso Bancho, Geoff/Brody, MacArthur/Sanders & Gabriella/Nekota waiting in line for the Pizza, Emma/Kitty & Dwayne/Junior waiting for Dodonpa, Ryan/Stephanie waiting for Takabisha, Jacques/Josee waiting for Fujiyama, & Annie/Leo waiting for Shining flower. We the see the goths and the anime nerds in taxis off to the Ghibli museum but they’re caught in traffic) And though our first two teams are on their way to the chill zone, they’ll have to deal with some heavy traffic. Looks like it’s gonna be a waiting game for a long while.

(Back at the park we see the ice dancers nearing Fujiyama.)

Jacques: Why are we taking this ride again?

Josee: Because we need to make up for the time we lost with that stupid phony challenge. This is the quickest ride on the roster.

Jacques: I know it’s quick but it’s so massive, maybe we should switch to something smaller.

Josee: We’re almost at the front, just suck it up you big baby.

(The daters are nearing Takabisha)

Ryan: It may just be me but this ride seems way to extreme.

Stephanie: And here I thought you were a real man.

Ryan: If you’re trying to trick me it’s not gonna work.

Stephanie: Well if you wanna leave go ahead, I’ll ride this roller coaster and get the tip all by myself, it’s not like I don’t already do all the heavy lifting on this team.

Ryan: You know what I think I’ll stay and I’ll be the one to get the tip.

Stephanie: So you’re staying?

Ryan: Yes.

Stephanie: Good.

Ryan: Good!

Stephanie: Good! (Both stare off in opposite directions)

(Over at Shining Flower Leo and Annie finally get in a gondola)

Leo: Finally, now while they load the next passengers you look over on the right side and I’ll look on the left side.

Annie: Got it. (Both go to their quarters to look as the ride slowly ascends) This could take a while.

(Over at the swing ride all the teams waiting in line get on. The operator looks to make sure everyone’s strapped in)

June: Come on hurry up! I wanna get airborne.

Quince: Didn’t you already get that wish answered? And in a cruel ironic twist? (June shuts up)

Fabian: Man I’m really excited to ride this thing.

Jordan: Just remember to look for the sign. (The operator turns the ride on and it starts to ascend) Here we go. (Ride starts spinning and goes higher and higher) Whoo! We’re picking up speed. (Ride spins faster and climbs higher) Okay this is fun. Yeah!

Fabian: Yay! (All the other teams are cheering and having fun)

June: Woo hoo! This is so much fun! Why didn’t we try this out first?

Quince: Are you admitting you we’re wrong?

June: Shouldn’t you be searching for the sign?

Quince: Thanks for reminding me. (Both look around)

Devin: Woo hoo! Carrie is this great or what? (Turns to look at her and sees her hair blowing in the breeze, her laughter plays like a melody and a warming glow surrounds her while he stares at her lovingly) Wow.

Carrie: (turns her head to him) What’d you say? (Devin quickly turns his head away)

Devin: Ugh I said…. Where’s that damn sign? (Looks around sheepishly)

Carrie: Oh good thinking. (Both look around. From behind them the fashion bloggers watched what just transpired)

Jen: Aww, isn’t that sweet?

Tom: Looks like Devin really might have some feelings for Carrie after all. Now the only question is if he’ll say anything.

Jen: Well I hope he does. Now search around for that sign.

Tom: Got it girl. (Both look around)

Jordan: (she and Fabian also search for the sign) See anything man?

Fabian: (looks and sees something) Over there! Over there! Over there! (Points to the sign on a building in the park. The other teams here this and look in his direction)

Jordan: Good eye man.

(All the teams stare in the direction of the sign as the ride continues to go round and round and eventually comes to a stop. When they’re on the ground the operator unlocks them all and the teams go up to get their tips. It goes animaniacs, Julliard students, best friends, and fashion bloggers)

Fabian: Okay, okay (Breathes in) 我々 はしてください私たちの次の旅行のヒントを持つことができます? (The employee makes them wait a few moments until she gives him the tip) Oh my god, Yes!

Jordan: (reads the tip) The Studio Ghibli museum?! YEEEESSSSS!

Fabian: Let’s run! (They run off and June is up next)

(Elsewhere Annie sees the sign and alerts Leo to it. We then see the teams who chose The Pizza about to ride it)

Gabriella: (to Nekota) You ready man?

Nekota: Hell yeah! (Ride starts) Oh, here we go.

MacArthur: Come on is this the best it can do? Pick it up! (Ride spins faster) Oh! There we go! (Ride spins faster and faster)

Sanders: (feels a little queasy) I think we’re about to see that sushi again.

MacArthur: Suck it up cadet and look for the sign.

Brody: (also nauseous) I think I’m gonna loose it to man.

Geoff: Just keep it together bro and look. (Everyone’s looking for the sign while Sanders and Brody seem ready to vomit) Over there! (Points to the sign, which is hidden amongst some bushes)

Sanders/Brody: Oh no. (Both vomit onto the sign)

Geoff: Gnarly!

MacArthur: (laughs)

Gabriella/Nekota: Eww!

Gabriella: You got that?

Nekota: Yeah. (The ride continues to spin, meanwhile we check on the sisters and father/son)

(Elsewhere, the two teams are about to ride dodonpa)

Dwayne: (gets strapped into the seat. worryingly) Oh boy.

Junior: (Puts his hat in a storage cubby) Don’t worry dad this’ll be fun. (Gets in seat)

Dwayne: This is what’s considered fun? What happened to the good old fashioned swing ride?

Emma: Ready Kitt?

Kitty: Totally! You think they take your picture on this ride? (Ride starts to move) Ooh, here we go.

Ride voice: Launch time! 3… (Dwayne looks nervous) 2…. (The sisters hold hands) 1…. (Junior looks psyched) DODONPA! (The ride accelerates to 106 mph in less than 2 seconds)

Everyone: AHHHH!!!

Kitty: Smile! (Ride takes photo)

(Photo shows Kitty and Junior having the times of their lives while Dwayne and Emma look scared senseless)

Kitty/Junior: WOOO HOOO!

Dwayne/Emma: AAAUGGHHH!

(The ride veers left on a curve then goes through its 1st tunnel, it then goes up its incline, there Emma and Dwayne catch their breath and resume screaming when it goes down, the ride goes through its 2nd tunnel and then curves to the right, then it starts to slow down as it passes the sign. Junior and Kitty notice it but Dwayne and Emma are too frightened to pay attention and the ride slowly comes to a stop)

Kitty: (hair is all messed up) Woo hoo! I think saw Elvis!

Junior: (same) I think I saw my life flash before my eyes! (Can’t release grip from safety bar) And I can’t let go. Dad, what did you-? (Notices his father’s practically catatonic)

Kitty: (notices Emma’s the same) I guess it was just too much for them to handle. (The ride docks and both Kitty and Junior help their partners out of their seats.) You remember the phrase?

Junior: I think so. (Both say the saying correctly and get their tips, Junior gets his hat and then they drag their partners off to get a cab)

Dwayne: (regaining composer) Good thing I went to the bathroom before I got in line.

Emma: Ditto.

(Over at Takabisha we see the machoism tango being strapped in)

Stephanie: How about a wager? Whoever gets the tip gets to decide what we do next either or?

Ryan: You’re on. (Ride starts by entering a dark room) Man its dark in here. WHOAAA! (Ride drops, then turns, then goes up, when you see a light it pauses for a moment)

Stephanie: (kind of shaken up) Okay, that was freaky but we- AAAAAHH! (Ride launches out into the light) WOO HOO! AAAHH! (Ride goes up its first loop de loop, and when it’s at its top Stephanie somehow manages to slip free of her ride restraints and falls) AAAAAHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME! (She closes her eyes. Before she can reach the ground Ryan grabs her and holds her tightly to his chest)

Ryan: You ain’t dying on me that easily! (Stephanie opens her eyes and see’s Ryan’s profile in the sunlight, looking heroic, she gasps.)

(Confessional)  
\----> Stephanie: Oh my god! He could’ve let me fall but he saved me, even after everything I put him through. What have I been doing?! I have one of the most perfect male specimens ever to exist and I’ve treated him like a prisoner. Ok fine, I have been pushy and a little bit antsy, but what good is all the money in the world if you have no one to share it with? I’ve gotta fix us.

(Ryan holds onto Stephanie tightly as the ride continues to go upside down, loop de loop, and passes the sign, thankfully both see it. It then goes up its incline bit by bit, then goes on its 2nd trail doing some more gravity defying stunts, until it stops. Ryan lets Stephanie go on the ground)

Ryan: You okay baby?

Stephanie: (heart-struck) Y-yeah, I-I’m fine. I still can’t believe you saved me. Ryan I-I need to tell you that- (Ryan runs over to the employee, says the saying and gets the tip)

Ryan: Come on let’s go! (Ryan heads off)

Stephanie: (solemn) O-Okay yeah. (Runs off to meet up with him)

(Over at Fujiyama the Ice Dancers are getting in their ride)

Josee: Hurry it up! (To Jacques) Remember the sign cause we are NOT riding this again! (Ride begins slowly going up its incline, at the Ferris wheel Annie points out to Leo that the ice dancers are riding Fujiyama, both can’t wait to see how this’ll turn out.)

Jacques: (Frightened) Wow this is actually pretty high. (As the ride climbs we see them pass demoiselle cranes, bar headed geese, and 2 people in a hot air balloon. Both look uneasy. The ride reaches its top.)

Josee: (Nervous) See this isn’t so baAAAAHHHHH! (Ride goes down and both scream so loud it can be heard in every corner of Japan. All the contestants, Don, rural fisherman, some school children and their teacher, two girls in Harajuku clothes, an old woman and her cat, a geisha, a sumo wrestler, a dog in a backyard, a martial arts class, a sword fighting class, a bunch of people on a train, some business men, a family eating together, Hayao Miyazkai, Bisco Hatori, Goro Miyazki, Akira Toriyama, Ken Sugimori, Joe Hisashi, Satoshi Tajiri, Kazuki Takahashi, Naoko Takeuchi, Hiromu Arakawa, Eiichiro Oda, Masashi Kishimoto, Shinichiro Watanabe and Hiro Mashima look around trying to figure out where that noise came from.)

(The ice dancers scream as the ride goes down its first slope then climbs up another incline, turns left, descends, rises, goes WAY down, curves left, curves right, goes up and down, curves left, passes the sign, goes down, curves right then left then right then left again, it curves up right once more before stopping)

Josee: (looks like she went through a tornado) So… that was something right? (Turns to Jacques whose pale in the face. Once they’re released Josee says the saying and gets the tip, she then drags off Jacques who’s too weak to move by himself.)

Don: (voice) The last team has gotten their tip and everyone now heads off to the Studio Ghibli museum. (Teams are all seen getting in Taxis and driving off, but then get stuck in the traffic.) Though it looks like traffic may be the great equalizer in this race.

(Inside the taxi carrying the daters)

Ryan: Guess you where wrong about me being a chicken huh?

Stephanie: Yeah I guess I was, listen Ryan I want to say something.

Ryan: Is it “thank you”?

Stephanie: Sure thank you but what I really wanted to say is (breathes in deeply and holds his hands) I’m sorry.

Ryan: For calling me chicken?

Stephanie: For everything, calling you weak in Romania, insulting you in Hawaii, arguing with you repeatedly, taking control of the bull in Spain, knocking you over the falls in Zimbabwe, pushing you off the bridge in New Zealand, fighting you for the tip in Alberta, mocking you at the North Pole and getting us boomeranged, and just being so unbearably pushy. I wanted to win this race at any cost but the one thing I can’t lose or buy with that money is you. You are one of the most perfect people to have ever existed and I probably don’t deserve you. I’m just saying, whether we win or lose I just want us to be together but if you really want to break up and have it be permanent then that’s fine too. I just want you to be happy, (tears up a little) even if I’m not in the picture.

Ryan: (Kisses her intensely) Thank you.

Stephanie: For what?

Ryan: For the most beautiful “I’m sorry” I’ve ever heard. Baby I never stopped loving you, and while you did go off the deep end a few times I could never abandon you, you’re my babe and I’m your man and together I know we can win this.

Stephanie: (stunned) Kiss me! (Both start to make out like they did in the first few episodes)

Don: (voice) As touching as that is can we please cut ahead to the part where the teams finally make it to the chill zone? This episode has been going on long enough. (Camera cuts ahead to the Studio Ghibli museum and several taxis’ pull up, and the anime nerds, animaniacs and Ice Dancers hop out.) Thank you.

May: (her alliance has stopped because they are taken aback by the museum) I’ve only dreamed of it but in reality it’s almost like looking at heaven. (All 4 stare star struck until they notice the Ice Dancers running ahead of them)

Sam: Well if we don’t make it to the chill zone this’ll be like Graveyard of the Fireflies. (All run inside)

Fabian: (looking around) Where’s the chillzone?

Jordan: The tip didn’t give any clue as to where inside the museum it is.

May: (closes her eyes and just senses something) My fan-dar tells us we need to go upstairs. (They all head upstairs)

(Upstairs we see them looking around until they notice the chill zone next to catbus)

Sam: (pointing) There it is! (They all run to it, from behind them we see the Ice Dancers)

Josee: We are not getting anything BUT first this time! (To Jacques) Wait for it and…. POUNCE! (Josee and Jacques both leap and tackle the two teams, Josee tackles the anime nerds while Jacques tackles the animaniacs, all 3 teams land on the chill zone)

Jacques: YES! YES! First place again!

Don: Not quite. If you look at the slow-mo cameras (Cameras show both ice dancers unintentionally pushing the two teams in front of them onto the chill zone before them) you’ll see that Josee pushed the anime nerds into 1st while you pushed the animaniacs into 2nd, meaning you two take bronze again.

May: Yes! (High fives Sam) First place!

Jordan: And we’re runners up!

Ice Dancers: Bronze again!? (Josee shrieks and prepares to go on another rampage)

Don: Cue the Joe Hisashi music. (Always With Me plays over the loud speakers and lulls Josee out of her murderous rampage and she falls asleep in Jacques arms, he too falls asleep on a Totoro plushy) I guess music really does soothe the savage beast. (To May and Sam) Anime nerds for coming in first you win this entire Studio Ghibli/Miyazki collection which has movies in both Japanese and English and a ton of bonus features, art books and not to mention your own private tour of the Studio Ghibli museum. 

May/Sam: (both start to cry and hug each other out of happiness while Fabian hugs Jordan emotionally)

Don: Is something the matter? You won, that’s good.

May: (teary eyed) This win means so much to all 4 of us. It’s not just a dream come true, it’s the moment we’ve been waiting for our whole lives. I just- (Continues to cry and all 4 of them embrace in a group hug)

Don: Wow this really is turning into a Studio Ghibli movie. With the 1st 3 spots gone it’s now a race for anything but last place. (Outside we see more teams get out of their cabs and search the museum, the goths look at No-Face with joy in their hearts but not on their faces, Leo, June and Quince have to pry Annie off a Totoro face character, Kitty takes a selfie with a flying machine in the background, and Junior looks on in awe of Princess Mononoke. Everyone tries to find the chill zone and one by one they make it) 4th place! (June/Quince arrive) 5th place! (Leo/Annie arrive) 6th place! (Crimson/Ennui arrive) 7th place! (Gabriella/Nekota Arrive) 8th place! (Dwayne/Junior arrive) 9th place! (Emma/Kitty arrive) 10th place! (Carrie/Devin arrive) 11th place! (Fashion bloggers arrive) Only two spots are left and here come the last 3 teams! (The daters, cadets and surfers are seen running to the chill zone. Brody and Sanders still look uneasy from their vomiting episode, so MacArthur carries Sanders again) It’ll be close! (MacArthur eyes the chill zone and jumps, landing dead center in it.) Cadets take 12th! (MacArthur does celebratory fist pump) And…. (Surfers make it before the daters) Surfers take 13th and final place! (Both Sanders and Brody collapse onto the carpet out of pure exhaustion) A little help here?

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: Man we have got to up our performance, this bottom 3 thing is becoming too common for us.  
\---> Sanders: I agree but next time let’s make it so I don’t vomit my guts out.  
\---> MacArthur: Can do.

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: (he and Geoff hug each other intensely) I’m just so grateful we get to continue man. I’m sorry for vomiting so much.  
\---> Geoff: Don’t worry bro, we’ll work through this and do better next time. 

Don: (to Ryan and Stephanie) Haters I’m sorry to say this but your participation in this game, like your relationship, is over.

Stephanie: (Grabs Ryan’s hands) We may no longer be in the game but we’re not the haters anymore, we’re the daters once again. (Both kiss) And you can never take that away. (Some of the contests go Aww)

Don: Nice you’re back together and all but you’re still out.

Ryan: (takes Stephanie in his arms) You can keep your money, I’ve got my own million dollar prize right here. (They exit the museum)

Don: (to Camera) Well that ends what fells like an overly long episode, will Josee flip out again the next time she doesn’t win? Who will cry next? And will anymore hearts be broken? Tune in next time on The Ridonculous race! (Smiles to the camera)

=== Best of Ryan and Stephanie === (A slideshow of Ryan and Stephanie's best moments in the Ridonculous Race are shown as they voice over)

Stephanie: (Voice) Well I’ll admit, that was unexpected. But I’m glad we did this.

Ryan: (voice) Me too, in spite of all the times you nearly killed me or got us eliminated.

Stephanie: (voice) Yeah, maybe I did go overboard a little, but can you blame me, this show really is ridonculous.

Ryan: (voice) Yeah, I mean swimming with sharks, grave plundering, Bullet ants, Geyser crossing, Komodo dragons, Bull wrangling, Skydiving, Photo safaris, and camel riding? What was next, chariot racing?

Stephanie: (voice) We may not have won but we did so many amazing things as a team, partner.

Ryan: (voice) When things got hot we took the heat, I mean we both already ARE hotter than the sun.

Stephanie: (voice) We pushed each other, when needed, which was a lot.

Ryan: (voice) And other times we carried each other.

Stephanie: (voice) And when we failed the first time we just tried again.

Ryan: (voice) We’re kind of like a sword now, through all the hardship, heat and turmoil that pounded us we’ve only come out of it stronger, I know what I want now, and it’s Stephanie.

Stephanie: (voice) And I want Ryan, Ryan and a boxer puppy we can raise together.

Ryan: (voice) Me too.

(Both are now seen walking through a cherry blossom grove, the flowers are in full bloom and petals fall ever so slowly as romantic Japanese music plays)

Stephanie: So how about you and me hit the gym so I can watch you bench press?

Ryan: Hey save the sweet talk for when we get home baby. (The episode ends with a beautifully illustrated shot of them kissing amongst the petals) 

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone can guess the names of the rest of those dogs and where they come from, i'll draw something for you.
> 
> And here's my 3rd fanon chapter. That remark Don made about the chapter going on longer than normal is no joke, halfway through writing this i had to go "vacation" if you can consider the trip I took a vacation and not some stupid ass pilgrimage. Point is this chapter got to be quite long but i think it's all necessary to help cover all aspects of this story. I had to take inspiration from a few episodes of the real Amazing Race to write this chapter. It was a good day for a couple of my oc's as you can see. Ryan & Stephanie are out, told you they wouldn't get as far as canon but they still left together as a couple. Favorite part of this episode: The Goths and the Anime Nerds being completely unaffected by the haunted house, followed by everyone being crammed into the subway. 
> 
>  
> 
> Next episode: The Galapagos Islands
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Sam & May (1st Place)   
> Jordan & Fabian (2nd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (3rd Place)  
> June & Quince (4th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (5th Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (6th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (7th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (8th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (9th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (10th Place)   
> Tom & Jen (11th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (12th place)  
> Geoff & Brody (13th Place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owen & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	23. And Away We Galapagos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The contestants travel to the Galapagos, where multiple endangered species may just lead to one teams extinction.

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race, our teams went to Japan where they danced with robots, ate sushi, went on wild goose chases, and screamed their lungs out. Jacques and Josee tried to take first place again and caused the Anime nerds and Animaniacs to place ahead of them, I love it when the universe corrects its own mistakes. Ryan and Stephanie stopped all the hating and become the daters once again, just in time to be eliminated once again too. (He's seen standing around yesterday’s chill zone) Good for them but better for us that they're gone cause even I was starting to get annoyed by them, can't imagine what would've transpired had they made it to like the final 5 or something. Who also won't be in the final 5? Find out today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return to the Ghibli Museum Chill Zone from last episode. Don stands in front of a Don Box with the Anime nerds behind him.)

Don: Welcome back. We’re about to say sayonara to Japan and konichiwa to our next destination. Yesterday's winners, Sam and May, will start. (May and Sam approach the don box)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: Winning yesterday meant everything to us as Miyazaki fans. We feel more determined to win now than we ever have before.  
\---> Sam: Yeah, and with almost half the teams gone, this is when it gets really crazy!

May: (grabs the tip and reads it) I think Fabian's gonna like this.

Fabian: (reading the tip) The Galapagos Islands?! This show is reading my mind and making my dreams come true!

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of the Galapagos) Yes, the Galapagos. Located 1000 kilometers west of Ecuador, these islands were made famous when Charles Darwin noticed the many peculiar species here and developed his theory of evolution, never mind that Jean Baptiste Lamarck proposed a similar idea a century earlier and Ibn Khaldun 6 centuries before that, but whatever. Between the birds, seals, and turtles its paradise.

(The teams are seen loading into taxis. We take a peek inside the taxi carrying the siblings)

Leo: Man I cannot wait to go to those islands.

Annie: I know, they’re filled with so many wonderful, exotic and unique species.

Leo: (smells something) Ugh, I hope we get to the airport soon. This taxi smells.

Annie: I was thinking the same thing, I was just not saying anything so I didn’t upset the cab driver.

(At Tokyo International airport. All the teams are seen getting out of their taxis and boarding the same flight.)

Don: (voice) It may be a 25 hour flight from Tokyo to Cuenca. But some people can't wait to start the challenge. (Fabian is seen smiling happily)

Fabian: The Galapagos! We have got to go back if we win.

Jordan: I’ll make sure of it.

Don: (Voice) Others not so much. (Elsewhere on the plane we see the ice dancers looking very angry)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (furious) I can't believe we let 2 teams place ahead of us last challenge!  
\---> Jacques: Well it was partially our fault. (Josee glares) I-I mean, we should be victorious 100% of the time!  
\---> Josee: Nice to hear. And don't worry Jacques by the end of the day we will send one team home. I'm making sure of it.  
\---> Jacques: We're going back to sabotaging? (Claps) I love it!

June: (she and Quince speak to the siblings) Hey wanna team up today at the islands? We did form an alliance all the way back in Finland that I never really bothered to keep. Let's put it to good use today.

Leo: Sure that sounds great.

Quince: Nice. You know I have a feeling that today we're going to become something new that this show has never seen before. (Sniffs the air) Ew. Do you smell that?

June: (sniffs the air) Yeah I do, it smells bad.

Leo: (sniffs) That’s the smell of the cab we took to the airport this morning.

Annie: But how is that possible?

(All sniff the air. June, Quince, and Leo notice it’s coming from Annie)

Quince: Annie not to be rude but I think you’re the source of the smell.

Annie: What? (Sniffs self) Oh my god I do smell! But how is that possible I just took a shower last night.

(Flashback to last night. At a hotel the contestants are staying at in between episodes we see Leo reading on his hotel bed while listening to his iPod. In the bathroom we see Annie taking a shower while loud Opera music plays on her iPod speaker. We then see Josee pull out the cover over the air vent and place it down gently as she sneaks into the bathroom, she swipes the normal shampoo and conditioner next to the shower and replaces them with garlic/onion scented shampoo and conditioner. Annie unknowingly grabs and uses the wrong toiletries. Josee silently snickers and then goes back into the air conditioning vents and places the cover back in its place, looking completely untouched.)

Leo: Regardless as to how it happened it happened and I don't think it's going away for quite a while.

June: Do you still think you'll be able to help us out during the challenge?

Annie: Oh definitely.

(The flight lands in Cuenca and the teams get off and book passage on another flight to go to Seymour airport on the Galapagos.)

Don: (voice) After a quick stop in Cuenca, everyone's heading to the airport on Isla Baltra.

(The plane lands at Seymour airport and everyone gets off to find the don box. Tom and Jen find it 1st much to the chagrin of the Ice Dancers.)

Tom: 1st at the don box, that's new for us.

Jen: (Reads the tip) It's an All-In. Island hopping?

Don: In this All-In challenge, teams must grab a speedboat and search the islands and photograph themselves with any one of the exotic species listed on the back of the travel tip. Their boats are equipped with a couple of maps and field guide books to help them navigate the islands and find the animals. Once they've taken their photo they'll then have to make their way to Albemarle Point on Isabela Island (he's at the chill zone) and find the chill zone. They better get here quick cause there's a bit of a twist to this challenge, once a team takes a photo of an animal that animal is off the market, and if another team shows up with a photo of that same animal they'll have to go back and take a new photo of a different animal. But to prevent a team, (coughs) like the Ice Dancers, from using up all available creatures, if they take multiple photos of multiple species we will only count one.

(List of animals that can be photographed include: Galapagos sea lion, Marine Iguana, Land Iguana, Red footed Booby, Blue footed Booby, Masked Booby, Flamingo, Galapagos Tortoise, Galapagos Hawk, Sally lightfoot crab, Flightless cormorant, Brown Pelican, Frigate bird, Lava gull, Red Billed Tropic Bird, Albatross, Galapagos Penguin, Galapagos mockingbird, Galapagos short eared owl, Large Cactus Finch, Vampire Finch, Common Cactus Finch, Large Ground Finch, Medium Ground finch, Small Ground Finch, Large Tree finch, Medium Tree finch, Small Tree finch, Woodpecker finch, Mangrove finch, Cocos Finch, Vegetarian Finch, Green Warbler finch, Gray Warbler finch.)

(All the teams head to the dock and see enough speedboats for everyone. Most of the teams take off)

Jen: (to best friends) Wanna work with us? Just to make sure we don't take the same photo?

Carrie: Sure. (Both teams get in speedboats and head off)

Sam: (to Dwayne and Junior) Wanna work with us? We're going finch photographing.

Dwayne: Thanks we'd very much like to.

Fabian: Come on people let's go! (The animaniacs run to the boats)

May: It's been his dream to come here since forever. (All three teams find 3 speedboats and go off searching)

(In the ice dancer’s boat)

Josee: We can only take one picture but if we get to the chillzone 1st then at least 1 animal is off the market, we just need to think like another team and imagine what animal they'd photograph then beat them to it. Now what group of degenerates do we eliminate? (Both ponder for a moment) The cadets!

Jacques: Oui! MacArthur probably wants to tackle the biggest challenge and I think the Galapagos Hawk fits the bill, let's photograph it 1st.

Josee: Here we come 1st place! (Both laugh maniacally)

(In the cadet’s boat)

MacArthur: Normally I’d like to rise up and finish the toughest challenge but since I’m sick of finishing almost last, let's take it nice and easy today.

Sanders: You don't know how long I've waited for you to say that. How about we photograph the Galapagos turtle?

MacArthur: Sure. (They head off)

(In the surfer’s boat)

Geoff: Dude we got this challenge in the bag.

Brody: Yeah, islands are like our second home. Wanna take a photo with the seals?

Geoff: You just read my mind. (Both cheer and drive off)

(Gym rats boat)

Nekota: So what do you wanna do?

Gabriella: (examines the tip) Let's try a reptile, but not the turtle that thing's just a cop out. Let's try the iguana.

Nekota: Okay.

(We see the Julliard students and the siblings driving their boats side by side and talking strategy)

June: What's our plan?

Annie: Let's photograph a finch. Every spring I’m the first one in my bird watching club to get a bingo.

Quince: Are you sure you’ll be okay given your… predicament?

Annie: I’ll be fine. I actually think it’s starting to wear off now.

June: Okay then. (Both drive off)

(We see the animaniacs, the anime nerds, and father/son driving their boats in unison.)

Fabian: I want to take a photo with the woodpecker finch skewing grubs! You all can take the leftover finches!

Dwayne: That sounds all right by me. (To his son) What do you think Junior?

Junior: I have no real preference.

Sam: I 2nd that motion.

May: (looks at map) Okay then if that’s what we’re doing we should all go to Isabela Island! (All 3 drive their boats to Isabella Island)

(We see the bloggers and the best friends driving side by side)

Jen: (reads the list of species) Wanna go for the flamingo?

Tom: Sure that sounds doable. (To Devin/Carrie) What animal are you gonna photograph?

Carrie: We were thinking about taking a photo with the penguins.

Devin: (looks at this map) Well according to this map the flamingos are located on Isabela island while penguins are most commonly found on Fernandina Island, let’s photograph the penguins 1st and then the flamingoes so that way we can hike straight to the chill zone on the northern tip of Isabela island.

Tom: Sounds like a great plan. (They all drive to Fernandina Island)

(In the sister’s boat)

Kitty: Another photography challenge? This almost too unfair to everyone else.

Emma: What’s unfair to them only helps us. What animal do you want to photograph?

Kitty: (overlooks the list) One of the booby birds, I bet they’d be a great photo op.

Emma: (Looks at map) To Pinta Island then.

(The goths stoically drive behind them)

Don: (Voice as we see dots representing all the speedboats driving to various islands) Teams have chosen their animals and are now driving to the various islands but they will soon learn why patience is a virtue, especially when you’re when you’re dealing with the ice dancers.

(Isla San Cristobal)

(The cadets have arrived and are now seen hiking through the semi-arid desert scape)

MacArthur: Where’s that turtle?

Sanders: (reads a book) According to the field guide this tortoise is typically located where it has access to fresh water. We should find the highest point on the island, underneath it should be where the water is located. (They start hiking)

(On Isla Santa Maria we see the surfers walking along a deserted beach)

Brody: (looking for a sea lion) Well we’re at the beach, where are the sea lions?

Geoff: (looks at field guide) Don’t know, the guide book says they spend most of the day sunbathing on shore. Guess we’re not at their “most time of day” let’s just continue to search until someone comes ashore.

Brody: Solid plan man. (They walk along the beach) Man this place is wicked.

Geoff: I know, Bridgette would love it here. She loves the marine ecosystem. (Sighs wistfully)

Brody: Something the matter man? (Places arm around his shoulder)

Geoff: I Just-I just really miss Bridge, don’t get me wrong I’m glad I’m racing with you but it’s been so long since I’ve talked to her.

Brody: Hey I know she misses you too and she wouldn’t want you to quit for being too sad. She’d want you to give it your all and then some.

Geoff: (perks up) Yeah man she’d want me to have fun. And when we win I’m gonna use some of the money to save the ocean cause that’s what she’d want. (They run)

(On Isabela Island we see Father/Son, Animaniacs, & Anime nerds walking through the woods.)

Dwayne: Well this sure is pretty nice right Junior?

Junior: Yeah this is a great day. There’s a nice breeze, it’s warm but not enough to make you sweat and the air smells so clean.

Sam: (inhales) Yeah that’s not the same smelly air you get in the city. That’s some high quality stuff.

Fabian: (is going nuts with the camera)

Jordan: Remember we still need to photograph the woodpecker finch.

Fabian: (giddy) I know, I know, I’m just… so excited! Gotta take photos of everything! Just never know if I’m gonna be here again! (Continues to take photos of everything)

(Elsewhere on the island we see the siblings and the Julliard students hiking while looking for finches. They pass by an iguana and it gets so offended by Annie’s smell that it runs)

Quince: Well I’m sure that’s a good premonition of things to come.

Annie: Don’t worry birds have a very poor sense of smell, which means they shouldn’t be bothered by my odor. At least I hope.

Leo: Don’t worry Annie your animal magnetism is gonna be as strong as ever, I know it.

(On Isla Santiago we see the ice dancers searching for the hawk)

Jacques: (looking through binoculars) Weird, not only do I not see the hawk, I don’t see the cadets either.

Josee: The less we see of them the better.

Jacques: What if they aren’t on the island and we’re wasting our time searching for the hawk when we could photograph something easier?

Josee: Oh please we relish the challenge of the hardest task, cause when we accomplish it that will only prove and reaffirm how awesome we are.

Jacques: Well we can’t accomplish the task if we can’t find the hawk.

Josee: (looks in field guide) According to this if we want to find that bird our best bet would be to lay some carrion in a clearing near some bushes and wait. (Looks down and notices the carcass of a land iguana, due to the lack of vultures on the island it’s still relatively intact. She picks it up) Excellent we’ve got our bait.

(Flash cut to the ice dancers hiding in a bush with the iguana carcass out in the open of a clearing)

Josee: Here’s the plan, when the bird comes to eat you jump out behind it and I take the photo, then we go straight to the chill zone.

Jacques: Got it. (They wait for the hawk to arrive) How long will this take?

Josee: As long as it needs to. (They continue to wait)

(On Isla Pinta we see the sisters looking for boobies)

Kitty: Are you sure it was the wisest idea to journey to the northern most island?

Emma: Of course, after we take the photo it’s a straight drive downwards to the chill zone. (A frigate bird pecks at her but she swats it away) AHH! Get out of here! Well nice to know we’ve got that to deal with. Let’s find those birds quickly before one steals our camera.

Kitty: Good point. (They trek onwards through the semi scrubland)

(On Fernandina Island we see the bloggers and best friends walking along the black lava rock shore looking for penguins)

Jen: Huh, this place reminds me a lot of the obsidian gemstone necklace my grandmother gave me for graduating high school. I love that necklace.

Tom: I love that necklace too. You look fierce in it. But of course you look fierce in everything.

Devin: Don’t know how or why penguins would swim this far up north. This island doesn’t seem very welcoming to them.

Carrie: Well it’s certainly secluded so maybe that’s why they came here. (They unknowingly pass by a camouflaged marine iguana and it sneezes salt on Carrie’s leg) Ah! Didn’t notice that thing.

Tom: What is it?

Devin: (looks at field guide) It’s a marine iguana, and what it just did was sneeze out the excess salt it accumulates when it goes food foraging.

Carrie: Well that’s charming. (They all continue to walk along until a few more lizards sneeze on Tom and Jen)

Bloggers: AAAHH!

Jen: Well now I know who we’re not taking photos with. (Both hurriedly run off and the best friends follow)

(Elsewhere on the island we see the gym rats looking for the very lizards our duet is avoiding)

Gabriella: Since you have a scout badge in zoology and animal tracking I’ll leave finding these things up to you. 

Nekota: Good idea, this isn’t the desert where I grew up but I can still do this. (Gets on all fours and crawls along the ground looking for any sign of lizard)

Gabriella: Then lead the way Jeff Corwin. (Follows him)

(On Isla Santa Cruz we see the goths laying on a grassy field surrounded by iguana carcasses. Loki takes a photo of them)

Ennui: (looks at the photo) Good job Loki. (To Crimson) Do you think this will count?

Crimson: Probably not, let’s search for a living iguana. (They walk off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: We don’t normally like tropical places but the Galapagos are different.  
\---> Ennui: It’s a dog eat dog world here that best epitomizes the survival of the fittest. The strong survive and the weak die.  
\---> Crimson: Not to mention it’s full of skeletons, I wish we could take some home but we would only violate the precious sanctity of the islands. And while we may be a lot of things, we aren’t disrespectful to the environment.

Don: (voice) While the goths continue to disturb me to no end, more teams continue their treks but the animals are doing everything but complying.

(A montage occurs as Andean pipe music plays. A mockingbird is seen plucking hairs from Dwayne’s scalp, he tries to swat it away but to no avail. May successfully swats it away. The trio then finds themselves wading through mangroves. MacArthur and Sanders are seen looking for tortoises among some dome shaped rocks, MacArthur lifts one but can’t find anything so they look elsewhere. We see the ice dancers trying to stay awake as they wait for a hawk to take their bait. Jacques falls asleep but Josee slaps him awake. We see Brody attempting to photograph Geoff amongst some sally lightfoot crabs but the crabs pinch his ears, Brody then helps Geoff pull them off. We see Crimson about to photograph Ennui and Loki amongst some marine iguanas but then a wave crashes and the splash ruins the photo. We see the sisters walking gingerly around some cactuses. Up in the air we see a pelican being harassed by a frigate bird until it drops the fish in its bill. We see the gym rats walking until the fish falls right in front of them, then a bunch of pelicans come and fight for it. They decide to take advantage of this by having Nekota photograph Gabriella amongst the birds but as he takes the photo one pelican lunges for the camera and swallows it. It tries to fly off but Gabriella grabs it by the feet and shakes it until it coughs the camera up. It then flies off. When they turn back they see all the other birds are gone, they continue to search. Tom and Jen take advantage of some flightless cormorants sunning but as Tom is about to take the photo a few vomit up fish, this freaks out Jen so much she runs away screaming, the cormorants then take to the water. All 4 walk off. Leo tries to take a photo of Annie with a Galapagos short eared owl but the owl turns its head away from the camera. Leo puts the camera down and then owl turns its head back to face him. He tries to take the photo again but the owl once again turns his head away. This continues for about 5 more times until he tells Annie to take the photo of him and the owl, when she tries to photograph it the owl just flies away.)

Don: (voice) 2 hours have passed and not a single team has taken any usable photos.

(We return to Father/Son, Animaniacs, and Anime nerds looking for birds among bushes.)

May: Find anything?

Everyone else: No.

(Jordan lifts a rock and sees a bunch of grubs. She gets an idea)

Jordan: I’ve got an idea. (We see her stuffing a hole in a tree with grubs while everyone else hides in a bush. She then joins them) Now that we’ve got bait all we need to do is wait.

Fabian: (has the camera ready) I can’t believe I’m about to photograph one my favorite natural behaviors.

Junior: Just keep it in your pants.

(Isla San Cristobal)

MacArthur: (she and Sanders rest on some dome shaped rocks. She rubs her feet) How can we not find a 600 pound reptile that moves less than 1 mile an hour on an island smaller than Boston?

Sanders: Well they are an endangered species for a reason. Maybe we should photograph something else?

MacArthur: Oh no, I’ve invested too much into this plan to be bested by nature’s hobo. We’re gonna find that tortoise even if I have to turn this whole island chain upside down. (Puts boot back on) Let’s go! (They run off. After they leave we see that the rocks they were sitting on were actually tortoises who wake up and then crawl, very slowly, in search of something to eat.)

(We return to the ice dancers still waiting for the hawk to appear)

Jacques: (looks at watch) It’s been 2 hours Josee. Maybe we should abandon this and go photograph a tortoise?

Josee: Oh no, we’re not coping out with that clueless chelonian. (A hawk finally appears and starts feasting) Yes! (To Jacques) Well what are you doing? Pose!

(Jacques leaves and Josee gets the camera ready. Through the camera’s viewfinder we see the hawk feasting on the carcass like it typically would. All of a sudden Jacques hops out of nowhere and does a graceful pose, this startles the hawk who takes off but Josee snaps the picture in time. Unfortunately for them it sees the shiny camera and grabs it in its talons and flies off.)

Jacques: NOTRE CAMÉRA!

Josee: Don’t just stand there, if we can’t find that camera we’re gone for sure! Our only hope is if its nest lies on this island! (Both run after the hawk)

(On Pinta Island)

Kitty: (she has the camera ready to take a selfie of herself, a blue footed booby, and a red footed booby sitting on branches, she’s in-between them. They all have a quizzical look on their faces.) Smile little birdies! (Takes the photo successfully)

Emma: Yes! 1st place here we come! (Takes the camera and both head back to their boat. Just as they’re about to leave a frigate bird steals their camera) What?! YOU STUPID BIRD!

Kitty: Oh my god what are we gonna do?!

Emma: (Notices it’s flying to the north side of the island) It’s not going out to sea, which means maybe its nest is on the island. Let’s follow it!

Kitty: Not like we have many other options. (Both get out of their boat and chase the bird down)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Believe it or not it’s not the 1st time I’ve had to chase a bird that stole Kitty’s camera. 

Don: (voice) While two teams deal with some thieving vultures, others still struggle to find a photo buddy.

(On Isabela Island we see the siblings and the Julliard students still looking for any sort of animal but can’t find a thing)

Annie: I don’t know what’s happening, I-I can’t find anything. What’s the matter with me?

June: I don’t wanna point fingers but I think your smell has a lot to do with it.

Annie: I already figured that out but I didn’t want to believe it. (Thinks) Maybe if I try this. (Starts vocalizing like she did in Australia. Everyone waits a moment until… a bunch of birds fly out of the bushes and then fly off the island) Oh bother.

Leo: Wow this is an off day for her. She once attracted a deer with that. (Notices his sister’s upset) Is something the matter man?

Annie: I-I just don’t wanna be the one that gets us sent home.

Leo: Annie listen, we win and lose as a team. And if it ends today then we had a good run and I’m glad I did this with you. I really don’t think I could’ve done this with anyone else. (Annie hugs him and he reciprocates. June and Quince are genuinely moved by this)

Annie: Thanks Leo. But I promise we aren’t done yet. (To June and Quince) Guys move on elsewhere we need to do this by ourselves.

June: Oh no, we agreed to do this as an alliance so we’re gonna stick together.

Quince: Look at you being the team player for once. I’m really proud of you. But how are we gonna find the animals if Annie’s basically a skunk among bears?

June: Don’t know but we’re gonna win or die trying! (Whistles like a finch then waits and listens) Anything?

Quince: What was that?

June: If Annie can’t attract birds by herself, maybe we can do it together. Come on try it! (Continues to whistle for birds)

Leo: Worth a shot I mean it’s not like we were making much progress the other way. (Joins her. Annie and Quince also join them but to no avail. So they decide to move up land)

(On Isla Santa Cruz)

(The goths are seen walking and every animal within their vicinity is hightailing it away from them)

Crimson: This could be problematic. How can we get close to them?

Ennui: (ponders) I may just have an idea.

(We see Loki on a rock with the camera ready to take a photo but the goths are nowhere to be seen. Several land iguanas appear. Then all of a sudden Crimson and Ennui rise up from the ground, having covered themselves with moss so as to not be seen. Loki takes the photo quickly. The photo shows the goths looking like zombies with several iguanas in the air and scampering away.)

Crimson: Great plan.

Ennui: Thanks.

(We see them about to take off in their boat)

Ennui: Wow, can you believe we’re about to win 1st place again?

Crimson: Nope. But before we go to the chill zone there’s one more thing I want to do.

Ennui: I think I know what it is. (We cut to the goths in their boat in the middle of the bay, they’re apparently fishing)

(Confessional)  
\---> Crimson: (she and Ennui are in the boat) We’re trying to take a photo with the rare Galapagos shark. It’s a once in a life time opportunity that we can’t pass up.  
\---> Ennui: But don’t worry we’re using grasp catchers instead of hooks. And once we have our photo we’ll send it back to the sea.

(Back on Isla Fernandina. We see the gym rats still in search of their iguana)

Gabriella: Well I’m starting to see how these things have managed to stay alive for so long, I don’t see a single one for meters.

Nekota: You think with my love of lizards this would be a cinch. (Gets up) Why don’t we try and photograph a penguin, I can’t lose track of them.

Gabriella: Good thinking. (Both continue to hike until a hidden iguana sneezes a stream of salty snot onto Gabriella’s leg) The hell? Where’d that come from?

Nekota: (Examines the lava rock closer. He finds a lizard and grabs it by the tail) Probably from him.

Gabriella: (to the lizard) You little bitch. Well we got our lizard, say cheese! (Takes the photo. It shows Nekota with the iguana around his shoulders) Well let’s go and secure our spot in the next round. (Both start the hike back to their boat)

(On Isla Isabela we see Father/Son, Animaniacs, and Anime Nerds still sitting in that bush)

Junior: Are you sure some bird will come?

Jordan: If you give them the opportunity they will. (A woodpecker finch finally arrives at the log, it notices the grubs inside the log so it flies off to a nearby cactus) Told ya! (To Fabian) Get the camera ready. (Sneaks off elsewhere)

(Fabian has the camera pointed at the log. The finch comes back with a cactus spine, it inserts the spine into a hole in the log. While it tries to spear a grub Jordan appears in the background and manages to get herself in position without making a sound. She smiles and Fabian takes the photo.)

Fabian: (looks at photo) We got it!

Jordan: Yes we did, now let’s head down to the mangroves so May and Sam can take their photo and then we can move onto Dwayne and Junior. Let’s go! (Notices Fabian sitting around all coyly) And you want to take your own photo with the finch don’t you. (He nods very eagerly) Be quick. (Fabian runs off while Jordan gets ready to take a photo. We see the finch trying to hook another grub. Fabian appears in the background, he can barely contain his joy. Jordan takes the photo and all of them head off to the mangroves)

Fabian: (hugs Jordan while they walk) You’re the best girlfriend ever.

Jordan: No, no that’s May.

Sam: I 2nd that motion.

May: Oh please you give me FAR too much credit.

(In the mangroves of the island we see the Julliard students and the siblings looking around for birds while doing bird calls)

Leo: (continues calling) Come on! Isn’t any of this working at least a little?

June: Just keep trying, we should attract at least one species soon. (Continues calling)

(We see Quince whistling through some bushes until he finds Annie sitting morose on a log)

Quince: Is something the matter?

Annie: I just- I’ve just never had this happen to me before.

Quince: You mean not finding animals?

Annie: Kind of. I’ve just… never felt this useless before. Going into this competition I knew it would be tough and I’ve been more than willing to pull my weight for the team but Leo was so preoccupied by keeping me safe I haven’t done all that I know I can and now in the one challenge I can dominate I’m basically an anchor and I…I… I’m just so disappointed in myself.

Quince: (comforting) Hey, hey, hey. It’s not your fault. Sometimes you just have on off day.

Annie: But on this show we can’t afford an off day. I just don’t wanna be the one responsible for sending us home.

Quince: Well even if you get sent home it’s not like it’s the end of the world. And even if you do lose you can always look back at the fun things you got to do. No one can take those memories away from you.

Annie: Like safari in Africa. Or sketching by the Eiffel tower. Or touring Venice. Or designing my costume in Brazil. Or swimming with the dolphins in Hawaii. Or playing air guitar with Yves. Or buying that Totoro plushy in Japan. Or saving Australia’s ecology. Or helping my brother get a girlfriend. (Holds his hands) And finding a boyfriend all my own. (They share a held gaze. She sings) I dreamt of living, alone but fearless. Secret longing, to be courageous. Loneliness kept, bottled up inside. Just reveal your brave face, they’ll never know you lied.

Quince: (Sings) Country roads, take me home. You’re the best friend, I’ve ever known. Destiny calls, motionless I stall. No I can’t go. Country road.

Annie/Quince: (they stand up and continue singing) No matter how dark, the world’s inside me. I’ll never stop until I’ve met the person I could be. But now I have to walk so fast. Running, sprinting to wonder, is this really all of me? (Leo and June watch from a distance and don’t say anything because they don’t want to disturb them. They just smile instead) Country roads, may lead me home. But I belong there, all on my own. Destiny calls, motionless I stall. Now I can’t go, country roads. (Their singing attracts woodpecker and mangrove finches. They land on Annie)

Annie: We got birds!

Quince: Sweet!

June: We’ll take the woodpecker finch, you guys can have the mangrove finch.

Quince: How much of that did you two see and hear?

Leo: Enough. Now let’s hurry before they fly off.

Annie: Here you go man. (Walks up to him and several woodpecker finches fly onto him)

Quince: (birds on him) Take the picture June!

Annie: You too Leo. (Both comply. The flashes startle the birds away)

June: Nice, now let’s all head to the chill zone, it should be just north of here. (All start hiking, when they exit the mangroves the Animaniacs, Anime Nerds, & Father/Son enter it)

Sam: (whistles for a bird) Come out, come out wherever you are. And meet the young lady who fell from a star. (A few finches land on him and May, some of them start to pull on his piercings) Hey- OW! Stop that! (Swats them away and they all land on May)

May: (covered in mangrove finches, they start to pluck her hairs) Take the picture quick. (Sam complies)

Jordan: Nice. Now all that’s left is to find an animal for Dwayne and Junior.

Dwayne: (off screen) OWW! (The camera turns and we see Dwayne also has birds on his head.) What are these birds doing? (Unlike May the birds aren’t plucking his hairs, they’re pecking at his scalp until it bleeds, and then drinking the blood. Some of it starts to drip down his forehead) Am I sweating? (He wipes his forehead thinking its sweat but then he realizes its blood) Oh no that’s blood. (Startled) That’s blood?!

Junior: Whoa! What’s up with those birds?

Fabian: That’s the vampire finch, I think you can realize how it got its name. However the birds only usually drink blood if there’s a shortage of fresh water.

Dwayne: Well at least we don’t have to go far to find anything. Junior take the picture quickly please. (The birds feeding continues to irritate him)

Junior: Got it dad. (Takes the photo)

Dwayne: Good, know let’s get these things out of my hair. Literally. (Tries to shoo them away but to no avail) Ok they’re not going away for a while so let’s just go to the chill zone. (They all head off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (the birds are still on his head) Oww!  
\---> Junior: That’s a weird type of animal magnetism you’ve got going on there. They’re just unable to get off of you.  
\---> Dwayne: You know the last time I had chicks swarming on me like this, I was your age.  
\---> Junior: (laughs a little) Sure you did.

Don: (voice) A few teams are hopefully heading for 1st place but if the other teams don’t hurry up soon one of them will be heading home.

(Isla Fernandina)

(We see the best friends and fashion bloggers continue to look for something, anything to photograph)

Jen: Okay I swear we have circled this island at least 3 times. And yet we still can’t find anything aside from plants and those iguanas.

Tom: Well not everyone is as much of a fan of the camera as you and me.

Carrie: If we don’t find something soon me and Devin may just have to forfeit the penguin and go after something else. Maybe you both should go ahead. You said that the rules of this alliance mean either team can go ahead if they want to.

Tom: True but me and Jen have invested too much into this joint effort to just abandon you. We’re gonna stay even if we need to paint a cormorant black and white. You’ll get your penguin photo, I swear by it. (Suddenly several penguins appear and start swarming around Devin’s feet) Well speak of the devil.

Devin: Quick Carrie take the picture! (Carrie complies and takes the photo. The photo shows Devin nervously smiling while surrounded by penguins) Okay now how do I- (tries to leave them but they won’t let him) Uh Carrie a little help?

Carrie: Sure thing homie. (Turns to Tom and Jen) A little help guys?

Jen: Sure.

(Carrie is seen grabbing Devin’s hand while Tom & Jen hold onto her, ready to pull)

Carrie: Okay, now! (All 3 pull but the penguins somehow manage to keep Devin in his place. They another pelican is seen dropping its lunch, courtesy of getting in a tussle with a frigate bird. The promise of free fish causes the penguins to release Devin. All 4 fall off screen)

Devin: (he’s on top of Carrie) Well, I’m free.

Carrie: Yep. (Beat) I think you should get off me now, you know if you want to.

Devin: Right, right. (Gets up then helps Carrie up to her feet. Both just stand there a bit sheepishly for a few moments) We should go find the flamingos shouldn’t we?

Carrie: Yeah, yeah that sounds nice. (They walk off to find their boat. We see Tom and Jen looking a bit happy with what they just saw. They follow them to their boats)

(Isla Santiago)

(We see the ice dancers are still climbing up a hill while following that hawk)

Jacques: When I get my hands on that hawk I’m gonna pluck it and roast it in my grandmother’s oven!

Josee: Well I get seconds! (They reach the top and see the hawk landing in a tree momentarily. It then takes off again.) It’s nest and our camera must be in that tree. (To Jacques) Well what are you waiting for? Go get it! (Pushes him forward)

Jacques: Oh no, you get it!

Josee: (incredulous) Excusez-moi?!

Jacques: You get the camera! I’ve done more than my fair share this race now you do yours!

Josee: Why me? The hawk was your idea!

Jacques: I also suggested we switch to another animal but you insisted on the hawk. You wanted to see this plan through, you get the camera!

Josee: (looks at him VERY sternly. Jacques just stares back at her just as sternly. Extreme close up on their eyes as we see the screen shift between the two of them quickly multiple times until….) Fine! (Starts climbing tree. Once she’s at the top she finds the camera in the hawk’s nest. She takes it but fails to notice the chicks in the nest, they shriek at her but she just hisses back at them like an angry cat. They then then start attacking her face) AHHH! Jacques! Help!

Jacques: (the branches start rustling and leaves start falling. He’s promptly ignoring her) Yeah, no keep it up you’re doing great.

Josee: (the chicks continue to attack her) I’m sorry okay! You were right and I was wrong! I was wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Is that the magic word?!

Jacques: (lightens up but is still kind of smug about it) Okay now I help you. (Grabs the base of the tree and starts to shake it. This causes Josee to fall out of the tree and land on him. Off screen) Maybe we should rest for a little bit?

Josee: (weakly off screen) Agreed. But no more than 15 minutes.

(Isla Pinta)

(The sisters have followed that frigate bird to its nest on the cliff side. They can see their camera completely unguarded and on the precipice of falling off.)

Emma: Well one of us is gonna have to climb it.

Kitty: I’ll do it. (Emma stops her)

Emma: Oh no, I’m gonna do it.

Kitty: Seriously?

Emma: Seriously. You’ve already done so many great things for me this competition I should do something for you. (Starts climbing)

Kitty: Go Emma! Woo hoo!

Emma: (She climbs. As she climbs she gets up close and personal with several sea bird families, the adults squawk and peck at her while the chicks vomit on her in self-defense. Though disgusted she continues to climb until she makes it to the nest of that thief and grabs the camera, she then puts it in her pocket. She then begins her descent downwards, facing the same obstacles as before. Eventually she mages to climb down to the ground. ) Finally!

Kitty: Woo hoo! Nice job Emma! (Notices her sister’s roughed up appearance) Wow those birds where brutal.

Emma: Based on what we’ve already been through this race that was nothing and I’m positive future challenges will reaffirm that fact. Let’s head back to the boat. (Both start the long hike back)

(Isla San Cristobal)

MacArthur: (fed up) I’ve hiked across this island enough times that if you asked me to draw topographical map of it I could, and yet I can’t find ONE STINKING TORTOISE! AAAAHHH! (Grabs a log and breaks it in two. Breathes a sigh of relief) That’s better. (Tosses the pieces to the side)

Sanders: I agree, maybe we should abandon this mission and go after an iguana.

MacArthur: Good call cadet. (They start hiking back to their boat. MacArthur notices all the domed rocks around them) Man no tortoises but these rocks are everywhere.

Sanders: (notices one rock in particular that gets her attention) Wait I think I’ve seen that rock before, and elsewhere on the island.

MacArthur: That’s ridiculous rocks can’t get up and move.

Sanders: Let’s try something.

(Flash cut to the cadets waiting in the bushes, they watch several rocks)

MacArthur: (Whispers) What exactly is the purpose of this rock stakeout again?

Sanders: (whispers) Just testing a theory. (They wait a few more moments until Sanders suspicions are confirmed. The huge rocks are revealed to be the shells of giant tortoises who wake up and look for something to eat.)

MacArthur: (face palms) You have GOT to be kidding me!

Sanders: Now that’s what I call hiding in plain sight. It was so obvious and still we were so oblivious.

MacArthur: You know I just got the strangest craving for turtle soup.

Sanders: Vent your rage out later. (Has the camera ready) Let’s take our photo now.

MacArthur: Can do. (MacArthur then walks over to a turtle and just sits on it. Sanders takes the photo and both start hiking back to their boat)

(Isla Santa Maria)

(The surfers are still walking down the shore in search of a sea lion)

Geoff: Man those sea lions are anywhere but where we need them. If we don’t find anything soon we may just have to settle for the tortoise.

Brody: (ponders for a moment) Wait I think I got an idea. I saw this on The Wild Thornberry’s.(Inhales deeply. He then does Nigel Thornberry’s patented “Call of the Seal”. Both he and Geoff look around)

Geoff: Dude I’m gonna shoot straight with you. Last time I heard an animal make that noise, my uncle put it down with a shot gun.

Brody: I guess it was a bit of a long shot. (They hear the faint noise of an animal barking) Wait what was that? (They listen and hear it again)

Geoff: Dude I think it worked.

Brody: Nice! (They run off to the source of the sound and find a fair number of sea lions) double nice!

Geoff: So you wanna be in the photo or take it?

Brody: You pose with the sea lion man. I’ve got your good side!

Geoff: Nice! (Geoff poses and Brody takes the photo. It shows Geoff giving the peace sign next to a sea lion riding in the surf) Now let’s mambo! (Both run back to their boat)

(Isla Isabela)

(We see the Julliard students and the siblings walking along a rocky precipice near the Alcedo volcano)

Leo: This topography is doing us no favors.

Quince: Just proceed carefully. (They all walk carefully along the rocky terrain. Suddenly the ground beneath Annie breaks and she falls)

Leo/Quince/June: ANNIE!

Annie: AAAHH! (They all reach and grab her. She’s literally hanging there over the edge) Don’t let go!

Leo: Never! (Tries to pull her up)

June: Come on guys let’s do this together! 3...2...1! (They all simultaneously pull and pull Annie up onto the precipice) We did it!

(They all embrace in a group hug)

Annie: (Trying to keep composure) Thank you all so much.

Leo: As if I’d let the most important person in my life go.

Quince: And I’m not losing you before our 1st date.

June: Well come on guys let’s go, just proceed with extreme caution. (Everyone continues to walk being careful where they step)

(On the other side of the volcano we see father/son, the anime nerds, and Jordan struggling to keep up with Fabian)

Jordan: (a little winded) Can you slow down a little?

Fabian: Nope! (Continues to run ahead)

Dwayne: So this how you guys let him loose whenever you go out in public?

May: Yep. Though normally he’s never really too interested in a place to run this far ahead of us. But trust me when I say he’s been wanting to go here for years. I think the 1st time he showed interest was all the way back in 3rd grade.

Junior: I’m younger but even I’m feeling the burn of this hike. Dad can we get something to eat when we make it to the chill zone?

Dwayne: Sure I could use a quick bite, instead of being bitten. (Birds draw more blood from him) Ahh!

(Out in the ocean we see the goths have caught a Galapagos shark and are taking a photo with it. As soon as Loki takes the photo they release it back into the water)

Crimson: (they watch it swim away) Swim free you beautiful creature.

Ennui: Good luck out there. We should probably go to the chill zone now, shouldn’t we?

Crimson: We should. (She starts the boat and then starts driving it to Isla Isabela)

(We see the goths driving stoically behind them we see the ice dancers driving feverishly.)

Josee: (Jacques drives) I am not losing to those Adams family rejects again! (Pushes Jacques aside and takes control) Move over! (She guns it and Jacques falls back a little into the boat. She eyes the goths) What’s the matter? Your make up seems kind of runny! (Her speedboat passes the goths and a huge wave of water made by the motor splashes them. Rinsing the makeup off Crimson, Ennui and Loki. They now resemble how they looked for most of Finland) Let’s see how long you take to recuperate from that! (Laughs maniacally and drives off)

Crimson: (deadpan) How annoying. (Looks back at Ennui and Loki) Are you 2 okay?

Ennui: I’m fine but I think Loki’s a bit flustered. (He has to hold a very angry Loki back from swimming after ice dancers)

Crimson: Well we should be a shore in a few minutes. (Continues driving)

(In a 5 way split screen we see the progress of the other contestants. In the 1st 3 screens we see the cadets, surfers and sisters driving their boats to Isla Isabela. On the 4th screen we see Gabriella/Nekota hiking on Isla Isabela to the chill zone. On the 5th screen we see the best friends/bloggers having just arrived on the island.)

Don: (voice) A few teams are still out on the water while others are hiking ever closer to 1st place, meanwhile one team still needs to take a photo. These islands are becoming anything but paradise.

Devin: (His alliance is hiking to the mangroves where the flamingos are) Come on guys once Tom and Jen have their photo the chill zone is just a hike north.

Tom: Coming! 

(Everyone is at the base of the mangroves. There are a few flamingos present)

Jen: Nice. Now how do we take a photo without disturbing them?

Carrie: (notices their dancing display and gets an idea) I’ve got an idea. Notice their dancing? (Tom and Jen nod) Maybe if you dance like them then maybe they won’t be disturbed by you.

Jen: Worth a shot. (To Tom) Get ready to take the photo I’m going in.

Tom: Okay then. (Has camera ready)

Jen: (proceeds into the mangroves while copying the flamingo’s display she also honks like them for added effect. It appears to be working)

Tom: Wow, I actually think it’s working. Talk about luck. (Gets ready to take the photo but is waiting for her to get into the right position) Almost there and… (Takes the photo. Jen and several flamingos are in it all doing a dancing display) Yes! Jen it worked now let’s go to the chill zone.

Jen: Yes! Next leg here we come! (Runs off. Everyone else follows her through the mangroves)

(Confessional)  
\---> Tom: Girl I can’t imagine doing that was easy for you.  
\---> Jen: Some people probably thought it was stupid but I’ll do anything if it means me and Tom get one more day on this show.  
\---> Tom: So brave. (Hugs her)

Don: (voice as we see a map of Isla Isabela. Dots representing the various teams are shown moving to the chill zone on Albemarle Point) Every team has a photo, now their place in the game will all come down to who’s the quickest hiker. (The animaniacs, anime nerds, father/son, siblings and Julliard students are out in a clear pasture and can see the chill zone within their sights. They all start speed walking but Fabian just starts running. Jordan follows him close behind as do Sam & May. Annie decides she also needs to pick up the speed but her legs can only carry her so fast. Everyone just delves into sprinting.) Looks like we have our 1st 5 teams. (Everyone takes turn passing each other little by little until…) And it goes Animaniacs, Anime nerds, Father/Son, Siblings, & Julliard students!

Fabian: (a bit stunned) Did we win?

Don: Yes you did. Fabian and Jordan win their own private tour of the islands. Complete with hotel accommodations and house boat.

Jordan: All right one day closer to the million. (Notices her boyfriend looks all teary eyed) Are you okay?

Fabian: (cries a little) I’m just so… This is one of the happiest days of my life. This on par with the day I asked you out. Our 1st date. Our 1st anniversary. Me and May graduating. The 1st day I really hung out with Sam. The days I met Dominic, Hannah, and Chris. The days I saw How to train your dragon 1 & 2, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Rise of the Guardians, Tangled, & the Castle of Cagliostro. 1st day I visited the San Diego Zoo. 1st day I visited Aquaworld. The week me and May spent in D.C. after our graduation. Our 1st birthday’s together. And especially the day I was told I never had to go back to New Mexico! This is just…. just… (Starts breaking down crying into her chest)

Jordan: There, there. Things will be all right.

Sam: I think that’s the most emotional I’ve ever seen him.

May: And as he’s going to tell us “It’s going to be the most emotional you’ll ever see me.” But he really deserves it.

Dwayne: (still has the finches on his scalp) Can anyone help me?

Annie: (walks near him and the finches fly off) Like this?

Dwayne: Yes. Thank you. Medic. (Goes off to find the medic)

Junior: I thought animals were attracted to you like something out of a Disney movie.

Annie: Not today, in case you haven’t noticed my smell has been detracting everything.

Leo: Well the good news is your good luck still works cause we got here nice and early.

Don: (walks up to her team and the Julliard students) Well hopefully it can help you again today. (Holds up their cameras and compares them to the anime nerd’s and animaniac’s cameras, showing they have duplicate photos) I’m afraid someone else got in photos of your birds before you.

Siblings/Julliard students: (gasp of shock)

Don: The 4 of you are gonna have to try again. I’m sorry.

Annie: Oh no.

Leo: Annie it’s no big deal. Maybe try and do that whole call of the wild thing again, maybe your scent has worn off by now.

Annie: Worth a shot. (Vocalizes but nothing comes) Come on guys we need to search like there’s no tomorrow. (Her team and the Julliard students run off elsewhere)

May: You know I almost feel sorry for her. But if they leave that’s one less team for us to worry about.

Sam: Yeah we’ve gotten to that point on the competition now.

Don: (voice as we see footage of Leo/Annie/June/Quince running off and doing more bird calls.) While 2 teams have to repeat the challenge other teams need to get here quick so they can end it. (We see the rest of the teams hiking across the island)

(Sometime later we see the ice dancers running to the chill zone. They don’t see anyone else and are very happy)

Josee: Yes! No other teams!

Jacques: Victory is our once again! (They leap gracefully onto the carpet of completion and give Don their camera and expect him to call them 1st) Well?!

Don: (inspects their photo) Ice dancers congratulations you’ve come in 5th!

Josse/Jacques: (incredulously) 5th!?

Josee: That’s impossible! There aren’t any other teams here!

Don: Uh yeah there are. (He and the camera point to Sam/May, Dwayne/Junior, and Fabian/Jordan relaxing off to the side) How did you not notice them?

Jacques: (counting) Wait that’s only 3. Who’s 4th?!

Crimson: (she, Ennui and Loki walk on screen) That would be us.

Josee: (Flustered) But you’re not wearing your make up. I thought you 2 hated being so au naturale?

Crimson: We do but we couldn’t waste time putting on our makeup out in the ocean. We just decided we’d wait until the challenge was over and we could go to our hotel room.

Ennui: And besides it’s like we said. Looks don’t count, it’s the inner blackness in your soul that does. (He as to hold Loki back from attacking the ice dancers)

Josee: (Looks more flustered than before)

Don: And here comes the next team. (MacArthur & Sanders arrive and give him their camera. He inspects it) Cadets you take 6th.

MacArthur/Sanders: Yes! (Both cheer)

Sanders: We’re getting back into the right swing of things!

Josee: (she interrupts) But!

Don: But what?

Josee: Aren’t you going say they have to go back because someone else has that photo, someone who got here before them?

Don: No, because no one else did. See? (Shows her and Jacques the cadets photo of them with the tortoises. Josee gasps incredulously) Frankly I’m surprised more people didn’t try and take photos with the tortoises.

Josee: (She looks very irritated. Jacques prepares to speak up but she intervenes) Don’t you DARE say a thing! (Looks at him like Drew Barrymore in Firestarter. This shuts him up. Both just move along)

Macarthur: Man is it just me or does she loose a little more of her sanity with each leg?

Don: It’s definitely not just you. (The cadets move aside. The gym rats arrive next) Gym rats you take 7th.

Gabriella: Another 7th place finish.

Nekota: And that’s why it’s my lucky number. (Both high 5 and move along)

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: Yes we’ve done better but as long as we stay in the game any place is fine to us.  
\---> Gabriella: Still I just wish we could win something, anything.  
\---> Nekota: Same, but the only leg we absolutely need to win is that last leg for the million dollars 

(Elsewhere on the island we see the siblings and Julliard students trying more bird calls but nothing’s coming up)

Don: (Geoff/Brody arrive) 8th place. (They fist bump and move along. Emma/Kitty arrive next) 9th place.

Emma: I guess tracking down that thief took longer than expected.

Kitty: Well it was all worth it to get our camera.

Leo: (He continues to search for anything, even a tortoise. In the distance he can see Devin/Carrie & Tom/Jen hiking to the chill zone) Come on guys we gotta pick up the pace!

Don: (the best friends and bloggers give don their cameras) 10th place to the best friends on the rocks and 11th to the fashion bloggers.

Devin: Definitely not our best placement but after all that hiking I’m just glad we all got here.

Tom: Ditto man, ditto. (Smells self) I need shower. (To Don) When can we go to our hotel?

Don: As soon as the last team has arrived.

Carrie: (Looks at all the other teams that have arrived and can’t find the siblings or the Julliard students. She looks worried) Oh no. Guys I don’t see Leo, Annie, June or Quince.

Jen: Aw, that means one of them might be going home today. Such a shame really. I like them.

Tom: That’s how you know this race is getting to real.

Devin: Well maybe not, we’ve had two eliminations in a row. Maybe today won’t be?

Carrie: Let’s hope.

(Out on the island we see our musical quartet still looking for any animal)

Leo: Guys here’s how the situation currently stands. We are probably the last 2 teams out doing the challenge. Which means one of us might go home.

Annie: Don’t remind me.

Quince: Well if anyone had to take us out at least it’s you.

Annie: Same.

June: Yeah but remember this isn’t over yet. (To Leo) It’s been a real pleasure to have you in the competition but that last spot belongs to my team.

Leo: My sentiments exactly. (They shake hands and turn back to their partners) We need to find something quick before both of us go home. Why don’t you to try and sing again? It worked last time.

Quince: Worth a shot. (Takes Annie’s hand and they both start singing again)

Quince/Annie: I dream of living, alone but fearless. Secretly longing, to be courageous. Loneliness kept, bottled up inside. Just reveal your brave face, they’ll never know you lied. No matter how dark, the world is inside me. I’ll never stop until I’ve met the person I could be. But now I have to walk so fast. Running, sprinting to forget, I have to wonder, is this really all of me? (They look around but nothing’s changed)

Annie: I guess they’re not fans of encores. Let’s try something new.

Leo: At this point I’d take “if you’re happy and you know it”

Quince: Well let’s try this. (Sings) Try to remember the kind of September. When life was slow and oh so mellow.

Annie/Quince: Try to remember the kind of September when grass was green and grain so yellow. Try to remember the kind of September when you were a young and callow fellow. Try to remember and if you remember then follow, then follow.

Leo: (Takes June by the hands) Come on sing with me.

June: What?

Leo: We need to help them.

June: Do you honestly think this will work?

Leo: At this point in the competition haven’t you learned to embrace the madness?

June: Good point.

Leo/June/Quince/Annie: (sing) Try to remember when life was so tender, that no one wept except the willow. Try to remember when life was so tender that dreams where kept beside your pillow. Try to remember when life was so tender that love was an ember about to billow. Try to remember and if you remember then follow. Deep in December it’s nice to remember, all though you know the snow will follow. Deep in December it’s nice to remember, so maybe just maybe our hearts will follow. Deep in December it’s nice to remember the fire of September that made you mellow. Try to remember and if you can remember then follow, then follow, then follow, then follow. (They wait a few seconds and then a whole multitude of various finch species fly and land on all of them)

Leo: Now we’re cooking!

June: Okay who’s got the camera?

Leo: We do.

June: Right. (Both take out their cameras and are ready to photograph Annie and Quince) Ready?

Quince/Annie: Ready!

June/Leo: (both take their photos. The flash frightens off all the birds)

Leo: Eh oh, let’s go! (All 4 start running to the chill zone)

(Chill zone. People wait for the last 2 teams to arrive)

Junior: (looks off in the distance and notices 4 people) Here they come everybody! (Everyone, save for the ice dancers, looks off in the distance)

Don: I’ve said this before but I mean it now. It’s gonna be a really close one!

Leo: (her and June run side by side) June I’d just like to say it’s been a pleasure to race with you but this is where it ends.

June: (Can see the chill zone is within leaping distance) I know. Been nice racing with you! (Leaps to the chill zone)

Leo: Oh no you don’t! (Grabs Annie and places her over his shoulder and leaps as well)'

(In the final sprint for the chill zone everyone watches both of them leap to secure the last spot in the race. They stay midair for a brief moment until both land. June first, then Leo and Annie)

Don: And… (Everyone looks kind of tense) the siblings take 12th! (Many people breathe a sigh of relief)

Leo: Yes! (Sets Annie down)

June: But I got here 1st.

Quince: (finally arrives at the chill zone) Yes but we are a team.

June: Oh dammit! (Face palms)

Don: Julliard students it pains me to say this but you are in 13th place.

Annie: (hopefully) But?

Don: But this isn’t a non-elimination round. (Everyone looks a little glum) I’m sorry but you are out of the race. I’m not gonna lie I really thought you 2 would make it farther. Safe travels.

Leo: (to June) Sorry you have to go.

June: It’s my own fault. I put myself in the spotlight again and this time it cost us both.

Leo: Hey you almost came this close to eliminating me and Annie. If that’s not determination I don’t know what is. (They embrace in a hug)

Quince: (to Annie) I guess this is where we go our separate ways. (Annie embraces him in a hug) There, there. (Hugs her back) Promise me you’ll be there at the last chill zone, for all of us.

Annie: I promise.

Crimson: Now that’s nice. If I could cry I would.

Ennui: So would I.

Emma: Wow, even when it’s not your crush going away it still makes you feel something.

Kitty: Come here tin man. (Hugs her)

Junior: Another day, another broken heart.

Jen: (is a little teary eyed) Same, same. (Tom comforts her. Devin does the same to Carrie)

Leo: (He and June walk up to Annie who’s still intensely hugging Quince) Come on Annie it’s time to let them go.

Annie: (releases him) Right. Bye guys.

Leo: So long.

June/Quince: (to everyone) Bye. (They wave and then leave)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: I’ll admit I was a bit disappointed to see that my plan to eliminate the siblings didn’t work but now that their crushes are gone no doubt they’ll quickly lose the will to compete.  
\---> Jacques: I wondered what that smell was. Good job.

Leo: (embraces his sister) We can do this. I think.

Don: And with that another leg and another team’s participation ends. Will Annie and Leo bounce back? Will the next challenge be harder or easier? Will Jacques and Josee ever make it back to the top? I seriously hope not. But the only way to find out is to continue watching THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

=== Best of June and Quince === (The screen shows June and Quince's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. June and Quince voice over as the scenes are shown)

June: (voice) I was always warned pride would be my downfall, guess I should've heeded the warning.

Quince: (voice) There’s a lot of things we could’ve done but we never could’ve predicted this.

June: (voice) Yeah. You know what’s weird? In spite of this less than satisfactory placement, I’m happy.

Quince: (voice) I think that’s because you finally found something, or rather someone, worth more than high marks. And so did I.

June: (voice) Yeah. Still it would’ve been nice if we won at least one leg, but I’ll take Japan, Romania and New Zealand as victories.

Quince: (voice) I’ll happily take Finland, the Arctic Circle, Zimbabwe, and Spain. Wish we could’ve gone to Vienna or London though, we definitely could’ve won those.

June: (Voice) You know it’s weird, I never envisioned myself as anything but the winner but here I am content with my placement, my mistake our placement, partner. Thanks for never giving up on me.

Quince: (voice) You’re welcome, and I am forever grateful that you chose to race with me.

(Sunset. They’re seen getting into their boat and about to drive off to the airport)

Quince: Wanna take some time to really take in the beauty of the islands? It’s not like we’re in a rush anymore. They didn’t say anything about us having to immediately leave.

June: I’d-I’d really like that a lot. And you know what, I’ll let you drive.

Quince: Wow, thanks. (Quince drives the boat as they go on their brief sightseeing tour. We see their boat driving off into the sunset)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to back fanon chapters, not an easy task. In a really big twist it's my 3rd elimination in a row and my 3rd oc team eliminated. June and Quince were one of my favorite teams but the 2 of them winning just wasn't in the cards. They will be missed, especially by Leo and Annie. In spite of that I had a blast writing this chapter. I've always wanted to visit the Galapagos, it's one my greatest dreams. I had a lot of fun writing about all the various animal species. Favorite joke: the vampire finches drinking Dwayne's blood. 
> 
> Next episode: Las Vegas
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Jordan & Fabian (1st Place)  
> Sam & May (2nd Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (3rd Place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (4th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (5th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (6th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (7th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (8th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (9th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (10th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (11th Place)  
> Leo & Annie (12th place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owenn & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	24. Dude Buggies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The contestants go to Las Vegas, but the glitz and glam is ignored in favor of racing dune buggies through the desert and performing a perilous magic show.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams went to the Galapagos Islands, but the challenge was anything but paradise. The wild life proved to be anything but photogenic and in some cases kleptomaniacal. The Animaniacs took 1st place again and Fabian nearly had a breakdown. Can’t imagine what he’ll do if he gets eliminated or wins the million. The good news is the ice dancers couldn’t catch a break. The bad news is that it came down to the siblings and the Julliard students and it was curtains for June and Quince. (He’s seen at the Galapagos chill zone) Gotta admit even I was sad. Still, today is a new day and anything can happen because this is THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return back to the Ridonculous Race. Don is seen in front of the camera at yesterday's Chill Zone at Albemarle Point on Isabela Island. Fabian and Jordan wait near him with a Don Box next to them.)

Don: (smiles) Welcome back to yesterday's Chill Zone on the Galapagos, it's here the Animaniacs wait to grab today's first tip.

Fabian: (presses the button and reads the tip) We're going to Las Vegas.

Jordan: (unenthusiastically) Yay.

(Don is seen standing in a slideshow of Las Vegas, Nevada, USA.)

Don: (smiles) Located in Nevada, USA, Las Vegas is famous for its bright lights, (A slide containing flashy signs and tall buildings is seen) bold entertainment, (A slide showing four stage girls is feathered costumes performing for a crowd), half assed celebrity impersonators (slide with photos of Chad Michaels, Coco Montrese, and Derrick Barry is shown) and very VERY poor judgement. (Slide of Britney Spears is shown. He is now seen walking in a desert outside of Las Vegas and goes up to a Don Box.) Unfortunately, our teams won't get to see any of it thanks to a few minors competing. (Bubbles showing Geoff, Brody, Devin, Carrie, Crimson, Ennui, Sanders, MacArthur, Annie, Junior, and Kitty are shown around Don. He motions to a Don Box in the middle of the desert) Instead, they'll head past Las Vegas to this desert Don Box to receive their next tip.

(All the teams read the tip and drive their speed boats to the island airport.)

Don: (voice) The teams are off... (The teams reach the airport and push past a flight attendant, knocking her down. They board the plane and shut the door.) And with some star footage and clever editing like this... (The engine on the plane is seen spiraling in a circle.) And that... (The plane is seen flying in the air) a nearly 20 hour flight, with a plane change, only lasts eight seconds! (The plane is seen landing in Las Vegas International Airport) You're welcome!

(The teams hurry off the plane and race for the taxi line)

Sam: (whistles) Taxi!

Gabriella: (waves her arms in the air) Over here!

Josee: (glares) GET OVER HERE ALREADY!

(The teams get in taxis that head out for the desert Don Box)

(Inside Dwayne and Juniors taxi)

Junior: I can't believe we aren't allowed to go to Las Vegas.

Dwayne: (Smiles) Not to worry son. We can still have just as much fun in this challenge in the desert as we could have in Vegas.

Junior: I highly doubt it.

Dwayne: Come on Junior, with me and you together, this place will be da bomb. I've been to Vegas before, remember?

Junior: You went for an accountant’s convention.

Dwayne: Hey you'd be surprised at how much fun it is solving math problems together as a team.

Junior: (deadpan) I can only imagine.

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: I know I promised May I’d treat my dad with more respect but it's still an undeniable fact he's as boring as Cailou. I really don't want to turn out like him, because girls don't fall for boring guys, no offence mom.

(Crimson and Ennui look out their taxi's window at the barren desert)

Crimson: Not the worst place we've been.

Ennui: Agreed. We love the city's overwhelming feeling of sadness and despair. Not to mention it’s in a bleak desolate desert. (Suddenly, something from behind them hits their back bumper causing a jolt.)

(The Goths turn around and look out the back window to see the Ice Dancers in their taxi. Josee is driving while Jacques is in the passenger seat and the driver is in the back seat. Josee has a crazy look in her eyes.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (glares) I can't believe that we're getting beaten by those LOSERS! (Groans) They think they're soooo tough but they'll realize why we're a force to be reckoned with. That's why I picked up these. (She holds up a wooden stake and garlic cloves)  
\---> Jacques: (worried) Um Josee? What do you plan to do with that?  
\---> Josee: (smirks) You'll see....  
\---> Jacques: They're not vampires Josee.  
\---> Josee: Do you know that for a fact? (Gets up in his face) HUH?! DO YOU?!

(On the side of the road, Jacques holds Josee back who's holding the wooden stake at the Goths. The crashed taxis are in the background.)

Josee: (glares) Let me at them! Let me at them!

Jacques: (holds Josee back) Josee! Please calm down!

(While this happens, a taxi passes by them carrying the surfers. They smile.)

Brody: (smiles) Vegas! I can't wait!

Geoff: (smiles) I know! There’s all sorts of crazy things to do. If there was a beach this place would be killer!

(In the taxi carrying the siblings, Leo looks outside with a longing look)

Leo: (sighs depressingly)

Annie: Leo I know this isn’t easy. You don’t think I miss June and Quince? But we need to put that elimination behind us if we want to win the $ 1 million. And remember we’re not just doing this for ourselves or for our grandparents but also for the people we’re dating. And now we have people we can share our dreams and hopes with, which is worth more than all the money in the world.

Leo: (frown turns into a smile) You’re right Annie. We can still do this, and best of all I can do this with you. (Places arm around her)

(Back at the airport the best friends and fashion bloggers are still trying to hail a taxi)

Jen: Hey guys, let me just say we so much fun working together yesterday.

Devin: Yeah me and Carrie really had alot of fun too.

Carrie: Since we worked together so well on the last challenge how about we split up and do today's challenge on our own? We've been teaming up ever since China but I think we should take some time apart.

Devin: Not a bad idea. (To the bloggers) You agree?

Tom: Yeah we're fine with that. (A taxi pulls up for the bloggers) Sweet!

Jen: We hope to see you both at the chill zone! (Both get in and the cab drives off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Carrie was right, we've collaborated so many times since China and it's brought us both really far, with all the experience we've accumulated so far we should easily be able to do a challenge by ourselves.  
\---> Tom: Totally, and on the plus side we won't hold them up if we decide to go shopping because we're in Vegas come on how could we not?  
\---> Jen: That is so true! 

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: Don't get me wrong the bloggers are great but it's been a while since just me and Carrie enjoyed this race together.

Carrie: (watches the bloggers drive off) Well they got a cab, so why can't we?

Devin: Carrie! I got us a cab! (Carrie hurries over and her face quickly turns to a look of shock once she sees the dilapidated state of disrepair it’s in)

Carrie: Maybe we should wait for a better one.

Devin: We don't have that kind of time. (Grabs her and they both get in as the cab drives off)

Don: (voice) While some teams have just left for the 1st challenge. The Anime nerds and the Animaniacs reach the Don Box first.

(Sam/May and Fabian/Jordan hop out of their taxis and run through the desert and reach the Don Box.)

May: (reads the tip) It's an Either-Or. Dune-Buggy Bonanza or Magic Show? Huh, weird. Usually these either-ors are alliterative.

(Don is seen walking next to a Dune Buggy track. There are different obstacles with red flags on them. There's a tall tower in the middle on the course.)

Don: (smiles) Dude! In this Either-Or, teams can either race Dune Buggies around this course, grabbing three flags in under a minute. (Don is now seen on a stage in the middle of the desert. There's a purple tarp being held up above a glass case with a lion in it. A magician stands next to the glass case.) Or perform a classic trick from a Vegas magic show and make a lion disappear for this judge. (Motions to the judge) Complete either task and it's a foot race all the way to the- (the lion roars scaring Don) AUGHHHHH! MOMMY! (Runs away in fear. He is now seen standing on the Chill Zone in the middle of the desert. There's a big picture of Don winking on the cliff near the Chill Zone with an arrow pointing to Don. Don's hair is still standing up.) As I was saying, it'll be a foot race here to the Chill Zone. As always, the last team here could be heading home. Empty handed and ashamed, but hey, that's Vegas am I right?

(Back at the Don Box, the surfers have also arrived.)

Geoff: (reads the tip) So what do you think we should do dude?

Brody: Dude.

Geoff: (nods affirmingly) Dude.

Brody/Geoff: Dune buggies! (They fist bump)

Jordan: So, what do you think we should do?

Fabian: Well I’m about as magical as the sfx team behind the Howard the Duck so dune buggies it is.

Jordan: Okay then. (They run off to the dune buggies)

May: (to Sam) Ready to make some magic?

Sam: Every day is a magical day when I’m with you. (They run off to the stage)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: I'm obsessed with magic and fantasy, but unlike Leonard and Tammy I know when to live in the real world. Still the Harry Potter series stole my heart.  
\---> Sam: In fact that's how she's kept me around for so long, she's used a spell to take my heart hostage and won't return it to me until I make it up to her.  
\---> May: Oh that's right. You know I actually think there's a way you can get it back.  
\---> Sam: (do me eyes) How?  
\---> May: Like so. (Grabs him by his hoodie and leans backward, they both fall down to the floor as an article of clothing covers the camera)

(More teams arrive and read the tip)

Josee: (she presses for a tip but nothing comes out)

Jacques: Huh?

Josee: (pulls a tip out from behind Jacques ear) Magic!

Jacques: (gasps and claps in excitement) Magnifique! Bravo!

Gabriella: (reads the tip with Nekota) Buggies!

Tom: (reads the tip with Jen) Magic.

Crimson: (reads the tip) Magic.

MacArthur: (reads the tip) Buggies.

Leo: (reads the tip) Let's try the buggies.

Kitty: (reads the tip with Emma) Buggies.

Dwayne: (reads the tip with Junior) MAGIC!

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: (smiles) Not to be too shabby but I happen to be a pretty good magician.  
\---> Junior: It's true, actually. Magic is the one thing he's not clumsy in.

(Elsewhere the best friend’s taxi crawls along the road)

Carrie: Man this taxi is really slow.

Devin: (looks at a map) Hey driver, at the next cactus turn west. (Driver complies)

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: We really should've taken a different taxi.

(At the Dune Buggies Course, the surfers and the Animaniacs stand at the bottom with the tip in hand and next to a dune buggy.)

Fabian: (reads from the tip) Okay, so we have to collect three flags in a minute or less. (Holds up a controller) One teammate will control the dune buggy with this controller from that watchtower. (Points to the large watchtower in the center of the course.) Meanwhile, the other teammate will be strapped on the buggy and collecting the flags as the other teammate drives. (Motions the areas with the flags. One is hanging over a rock, the next one is through a metal ring, and the last one is on some pedestals.) Also, if the buggy crashes or loses his passenger we have to start over. Well, nice to see Don thinks of everything. So who's taking the controls?

Jordan: Why don't you do this you love playing Mario kart.

Fabian: That was a video game, this is a real vehicle. And you know I don't have my license.

Jordan: I don't think you need a license to drive this buggy.

Fabian: Well I can't do it, I don't trust myself. I'll catch the flags, you drive the buggy.

Jordan: Okay then.

Brody: Okay dude don’t worry, I’ll take the controls.

Geoff: You're letting me do the dangerous part? Righteous!

(Devin and Carrie finally reach the Don Box)

Devin: (pushes the button and reads the tip) Dune Buggies or Magic show?

Carrie: Let's do the magic show! We could do a magic act on a real Las Vegas stage, do you know how incredible that would be?

Devin: (chuckles a bit) Look at you all psyched up for a magic show. (Sighs) Remember when we saw that magician when we were kids and you decided we should do a magic show all our own for our families?

Carrie: (giggles) Yeah, we didn't have a rabbit so we used my sister's hamster.

Devin: (winces) And it bit me. So magic show?

Carrie: Magic show. (They run off to the stage)

(At the magic show, Sam and May arrive at the stage with the tip.)

Sam: (looks around) Okay, so how does this work?

May: Let's see. (Reads the tip) So, the assistant goes on one side of the cage and the lion is in the other. The cage gets covered by the tarp and the magician pulls the lever to the correct position to drop the divider and the lion off the stage. That way the assistant doesn't get mauled. (Smiles) Seems easy enough. So who's going to be the assistant?

Sam: Like you need to ask, I will.

May: Wonderful.

Sam: And how about we pull out the super combo deluxe surprise?

May: I was thinking the same thing. Get ready while I set up. (Both run off in their respective directions)

(Back at the Dune Buggies Course...)

(Brody is in the watchtower holding the controller with a headset. Geoff sits strapped in the dune buggy below with a helmet on.)

Geoff: You ready man?!

Brody: Totally! (Presses a button to start the buggy)

Geoff: (the buggy starts) Whoa!

(The timer begins with 00:01 seconds and counting up)

Brody: (smiles) righteous!

(The Surfers' buggy goes of a sand dune and flies in the air. Geoff catches the flag from there.)

Geoff: Got one!

(Brody continues to work the commands)

(The Surfers' buggy makes a jump in the air and goes through the metal ring. Geoff catches the flag from there also.)

Geoff: That's two!

(Brody looks determined as he keeps on pressing buttons.)

(The Surfers' buggy goes through a large barrel and through a field of wooden stands. Geoff grabs a flag from there.)

Geoff: We did it!

(Brody stops the buggy at the finish line.)

Geoff: (smiles) Awesome! How much time was that?

(They look up and their time is....)

..............

(The timer reads 00:35 seconds)

Brody: Whoa! Thirty-five seconds!

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: What I hate is when people say video games don't teach you anything. But to those people I can just say, I totally swamped that course!  
\---> Geoff: Take that my 8th grade physics teacher, Mrs. Horne!

Brody: (goes up to Geoff who's gotten out of the buggy) Dude, I know we should head to the chill zone but we just made such a huge ass lead that I think we can afford to stay around a little while longer.

Geoff: I'm with you there man. If you hit that rock just a little bit faster we can probably do a double barrel flying tomato roll!

Brody: My thoughts exactly!

(Brody goes back up to the watch tower and Geoff goes back into the buggy ready to ride the course all over again)

(Jordan is seen testing the controls on the console as she drives it forward, backward, left and right)

Jordan: (to headphones) Okay I think I've got it down. Ready to ride?

Fabian: As I’ll ever be.

(Gabriella and Nekota see the buggy)

Gabriella: Arm wrestle for the right to drive?

Nekota: Like always. (Both get into an arm wrestling position. they lock arms and try to knock the other one over, eventually Gabriella succeeds) Guess I’m grabbing the flags. (He goes to the buggy while Gabriella goes to the tower)

MacArthur: (she and Sanders arrive) Get in the buggy Sanders, I've got the controls.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: As future police officers we've been trained to ignore all rules of the road. Speed, limits, right of way, and above all awareness.  
\---> Sanders: But please promise me you'll pay attention to the other racers. Okay?

Kitty: (she and Emma arrive) Which one of us should drive?

Emma: You're better at video games than me but are you sure you can handle this? You know how you get when it comes to video games.

Kitty: I think so.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: I used to be obsessed with video games. One time I played Hockey All-Stars for two days straight. I would have kept going but Emma unplugged my game system and refused to give it back until I took a shower.  
\---> Emma: You smelled like a bag of wet popcorn.  
\---> Kitty: Yeah... Not my finest hour.

Emma: (Gets in the buggy and now has her headset on. She speaks to Kitty) Ready to go?

Kitty: (over headset) Ready.

Emma: Great. (speaks into her head set) What do you think Noah would do in this challenge? He’d probably not want to do the magic show cause he’d say “magic isn’t real” and would let Owen drive the buggy cause he thinks video games are pointless.

Kitty: (over headset) Eh, sure.

(Back at the Magic Show Stage...)

(Tom/Jen, Dwayne/Junior, May, Josee and Devin/Carrie wait backstage. Tom and Devin have magician hats on. May is dressed like Zatanna)

Tom: Wow. I love your assistant’s costume.

May: I'm not the assistant, I'm the magician.

Devin: Well you do look the part.

Dwayne: (holds up the top hat) Okay, here's the magician's hat.

Junior: So what does the assistant wear?

(On cue, Jacques leaps out of the changing room wearing a sparkly purple dress. Jacques struts his stuff and smiles. Everyone’s jaws drops.)

Jacques: (smiles) Yeah, I know. I look great.

Voice off screen: That's highly debatable.

Jacques: Who dares to question my fabulousness? (Looks around and sees a woman in the same dress, she's got Rita Hayworth hair and makeup) Was it you Blondie?!

Junior: (looks around then asks May) Hey where's Sam?

Woman: (waves) Right here little man.

Everyone save for May: (Gasps in awe)

(Confessional)  
\---> Tom: Okay I think Sam might actually be a shapeshifter cause that is just unreal.  
\---> Jen: I'll say. Do you think May let's him try on her clothes 1st for reference cause that's what I would do.

(Confessional)  
\---> Junior: Yeah, you need to be the assistant.  
\---> Dwayne: What?! But I'm the better magician between the two of us.  
\---> Junior: Yeah but I can't go out on national television wearing a dress. Everyone from school is watching.  
\---> Dwayne: What about what Sam said about how it doesn't matter what gender wears a dress?  
\---> Junior: That rule doesn't apply to him, he looks great as any gender.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (smiles) I have no problem being the assistant today. I'm usually the magician when we figure skate anyway.  
\---> Josee: I'm sorry, what?!  
\---> Jacques: Seriously? I lift you, carry you, twirl you around. All you need to do is smile and not fall down. (Smiles confidently)  
\---> Josee: WOW! I hope I do this trick right. (Glares in Jacques face) I’D HATE TO SEE YOU GET EATEN BY A LION! (She walks off angrily)

(Jacques gets into the cage with caution)

Jen: (wearing the assistants dress) Hey how come they go first?

Josee: Cause we're better than all you. (Everyone looks at her sternly)

(Jacques looks nervous as he stands in the glass cage with his dress on and the divider separating him and the lion. Josee stands on the side with the magician's hat and holding the lever. The tarp falls on the cage as she pulls the lever.)

Josee: Alaka-GOLD! (Pulls the lever again)

(The tarp is taken off of the glass cage to reveal that the border is down but the lion is still there. Jacques is cowering on one side with his dressed torn up as the lion corners him.)

Jacques: (freaking out) AUGHHHHHHHH! AUGH! AUGHHHH! AUGHHH! T-THE DIVIDER, J-JOSEE! PUT THE DIVIDER BACK! AUGHHH!

Josee: (rolls her eyes) Hold on, you big baby. I need to see if the judge is okay with this. (She look at the judge from his table up front.)

Magician: (gives them a thumbs down)

Josee: (growls) GREAT!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (glares) The worst part is that we have to let all the other teams have a turn BEFORE we get to try again. (Crosses her arms in annoyance)  
\---> Jacques: (walks in with his dress torn) Seriously?! That's the worst part?!

(Backstage, the goths have arrived)

Sam: I think we're up next.

May: (seen preparing something behind some curtains) I'm not done yet, we're gonna have to skip this turn.

Sam: Are you sure? That doesn't sound smart.

May: How often do you want to do this?

Sam: Fair enough I’ll wait. Anyone who wants to go next can go.

(Leo and Annie arrive at the dune buggy obstacle course)

Leo: (examines the controller) Is this supposed to be like some sort of video game?

Annie: I think so.

Leo: Let's switch to the magic show.

Annie: But we haven't even tried this thing out yet.

Leo: You and I don't play video games.

Annie: True.

Leo: But magic involves theatrics and from all the Bob Hope specials we've watched, that'll be easy for us.

Annie: Ok then I guess we'll switch. (They run to the stage)

(MONTAGE TIME)

(Fabian, Emma, Nekota, & Sanders are seen driving off a cliff and grabbing flags. Fabian tries to maintain a calm facade. Kitty, MacArthur, Gabriella and Jordan drive the buggies from the control tower. Emma, Fabian, Nekota and Sanders all manage to grab flags, Fabian breathes a sigh of relief while the rest cheer. Tom pulls the lever with Jen nervously in the cage. He pulls it again, the lion is gone and so is Jen. The magician rejects the trick. Ennui pulls the lever with Crimson in the cage. He pulls it again to reveal the lion standing scared in a corner while Crimson looks at him blankly. The magician rejects their trick. Junior pulls the lever with Dwayne in the cage. He pulls it again and the lion is still there and licks it lips when it sees Dwayne. Dwayne screams and runs out of the cage in fear and hides behind Junior. The magician rejects the trick. Sanders is in her dune buggy but Emma suddenly cuts her off and grabs the flag before her.)

(END OF MONTAGE)

(Back at the control tower, Kitty, MacArthur control the dune buggies.)

Kitty: (smiles) YES!

MacArthur: (glares) Hey! You just cut me off!

Kitty: I'm just trying to get flags. Same as you. Let it go.

MacArthur: (glares) Is that a challenge?

Kitty: A what?

MacArthur: ITS ON! (She pushes Kitty) You're going down, Selfie-Girl!

Kitty: (glares) Oh bring it mall copper! I’ve got a brown belt in kickboxing/yoga. (They start pushing each other while they control their dune buggies.)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: If there’s one thing I do it's never back down from a challenge or forgive easily. When I was 6 my baby sitter didn't give me dessert, despite the fact she promised me I’d get it if I was good, which I was. I know where you live Jennifer Masterson!

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Maybe putting you in control of the buggy wasn't the best idea.  
\---> Kitty: Of course it is! I'm on fire!  
\---> Emma: One time, Kitty got pwned online and she smashed the console....... and the living room.  
\---> Kitty: T-Things got a little out of hand but I'm cool! I swear! I got this!  
\---> Emma: (crosses her arms and seems unconvinced)

(Back at the magic stage the siblings have arrived)

Leo: (to Tom and Jen) Hey guys.

Jen: Hey Leo.

Tom: Took you guys a while to get here. Did you have a bum cab?

Annie: No Leo decided it would be better if we switched from the buggies. So what’s the magic trick?

Jen: Well- (points onstage)

(They see Devin and Carrie about to perform their trick. Carrie is inside the cage with the lion, she seems nervous. Devin pulls the lever and the tarp goes down. He pulls it back up revealing the divider is gone and the lion is slowly encroaching on her. Devin gasps and runs to pull Carrie out of the cage)

Carrie: Thank you. (The magician rejects their trick) Aww.

Leo: On 2nd thought maybe the buggies aren’t all that bad.

Annie: I don’t think we can afford to switch challenges again.

Leo: I am not sticking you in the same enclosure as a lion.

Annie: Well then… I’ll be the magician.

Leo: Are you sure?

Annie: If you won’t let me in, I’ll have to do the trick. You can be the assistant.

Leo: (ponders for a moment) Fine, we’re running behind anyway. Where’s the changing room? (Tom and Jen point to the changing room) Thanks.

(On the track, half of the buggies are going out of control.)

Sanders: (Her buggy begins to swerve) WHOA! (Talks to the communicator) MacArthur! What are you doing?!

Emma: (Her buggy swerves as well) Kitty! Take it easy! I'm going to... (Turns green and projectile hurls)

Nekota: (sees the vomit heading towards him) Whoa! (Gabriella drives the buggy away from the vomit) Thank god. (To communicator) Nice move man.

Gabriella: You’re welcome. (Sees a flag) Get ready to grab your last flag!

Fabian: (To communicator) Can I just say thank you for not getting involved in that fight?

Jordan: No problem man, I can always fight later. Oh. Here’s your last flag!

(Both Gabriella and Jordan drive their buggies off a ramp, both Nekota and Fabian grab a flag, but the ensuing commotion means they can’t overturn the cadets or the sisters)

(MacArthur & Kitty continue to fight on the control tower as they drive their buggies. All 4 teams cross the finish line. They look to see their time which is................. 1:09! They growl in annoyance. Back at the stage, the lion is seen lying on Jacques' back while he stands on all fours shivering in fear.)

Don: (voice) As the Animaniacs, Gym Rats, Sisters, and Cadets must race again, the Ice Dancers struggle, and I do mean struggle. I mean look at this. (Laughs)

Lion: (roars)

Jacques: (his eyes bug out as his hair stands up in fear) AUGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Magician: (rejects their magic trick)

(Josee and Jacques are seen standing to the side of the stage while Father and Son go again. Junior holds the lever while Dwayne is in the cage.)

Don: (voice) Meanwhile Father and Son try again to make some magic.

Dwayne: Ready, son?

Junior: (frowns) I-I don't know Dad.

Dwayne: Why not?

Junior: I'm not good at this magic stuff like you and I keep messing it up and getting you hurt. And- (Can see and feel the heat of the sun blazing down on him) and- (hears indistinct conversations from the other contestants in addition to commotion from backstage) and- (looks at the lion and is reminded of images of lions making their kill, he then tries to focus on his father’s dress instead but the sparkles are like thousands of tiny suns, he’s had enough) AND I NEED A MOMENT ALONE! (Quickly runs offstage)

Dwayne: Junior! (Runs after him but can’t find him) Junior? (Encounters Sam) Have you seen Junior?

Sam: Yeah, (points to him sulking on a rock) he’s on that rock.

Dwayne: I’ve got to say something, but it seems that no matter what I tell him he always seems more interested in what someone else says.

Sam: Well maybe there’s a way I can help you.

Dwayne: No, I’m supposed to do this myself. It’s the dad’s job to always be there and be resourceful for his son.

Sam: Dwayne, I can sympathize so much with that. As parent you’re supposed to be invincible and omnipotent but part of being a good parent is realizing that you can’t always do everything by yourself and you don’t always know what’s best for your children. You need to realize that sometimes a 2nd opinion is the most valuable thing you can do. Let me help you.

Dwayne: (Ponders) Okay fine. What do I say?

Don: (voice) While father and son take a brief intermission, Crimson and Ennui take another shot at the lion. (Crimson is in the cage, suddenly Loki hops in with her and hops into the Lions mouth. Crimson and Ennui look and see how startled the magician is. Josee just laughs. Crimson reaches into the lion’s mouth and pulls Loki out. The magician gives the trick his approval. Josee screams in frustration.)

Josee: That’s it! (Holds up the stake again but Jacques prevents her from going anywhere)

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: The judge loved our trick. He offered us 8 shows a week, but we turned him down.  
\---> Crimson: It’s exhausting enough using our eager faces on this show. (Both stare blankly into the camera)

(Back at the dune buggy course...)

(Kitty and MacArthur are shoving each other out of the way. Emma and Sanders' dune buggies are hitting each other's wheel.)

Emma: (to Kitty) Kitty! This is our sixth time around! Stop playing smash-n-grab and get me near the flags! Seriously you’re making me car sick!

Sanders: (to MacArthur) Same to you cadet, you need to get yourself under control!

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: Reckless driving is a hell of a lot more fun when it’s not your vehicle or body you’re smashing. (Sanders looks at her sternly)

(Geoff is still riding around in his buggy having the time of his life. He lands right in front of Brody)

Geoff: We nailed it man!

Brody: Yes we did!

(Back in the tower)

Jordan: That’s it! I’m finishing by any means necessary!

Gabriella: You and me both!

(Both press accelerate on their controllers ready to cross the finish line but Emma and Sander’s buggies intercept them and bump them off the track. Fabian spins out of control and crashes into a sand dune while Nekota’s flips over several times. Both Jordan and Gabriella seems worried)

Nekota: (raises hand while upside down) Don’t worry I’m okay!

Jordan/Gabriella: (sigh of relief)

(Backstage Annie is in her magician get up. She’s waiting for Leo to come out of the changing room. Suddenly an explosion is heard, this startles her)

May: Ignore that!

Annie: (knocks on door) Are you almost done, I think our turn is up next.

Leo: (behind door) Hold up, I’ve just got to make one last adjustment and… (Opens the door and steps out wearing the dress, he actually looks pretty good in it) Voila! So what do you think?

Annie: I’d give this a “condragulations”. We can go after Dwayne and Junior perform their trick next. Where are they?

(Junior is still sulking on the rock with his head down and his hands holding it up in solace. Sam then comes up and sits next to him on the rock)

Sam: It’s a whole mess isn’t it? You don’t know who you really are, everything and everyone’s changing yet still staying the same, you question everything and everyone in your life. (Exhales) What can you do?

Junior: (takes his head out of his hands and looks up to Sam a little teary eyed) What do you mean?

Sam: I mean your age, puberty’s relentless, it takes no prisoners, and no one gets out of it the same person they were beforehand. What’s eating at you?

Junior: I-I-It’s just that, I keep failing the trick and-and if my dad did this we’d already be done by now but then I’d have to wear the dress and- and I don’t wanna be known at school as the guy who had to wear the dress and- t-this race is becoming so much harder than I expected it to be and I-I don’t know what to do. (Sighs) I wish I was as cool as you, everything you do you’re so awesome at and I’m-I’m just a wreck.

Sam: (laughs) I’m not cool man.

Junior: What do you mean? Of course you’re cool! You play punk guitar, you’re in a band, you’re a model, you’ve got an awesome girlfriend, an awesome sister, a great fashion sense, you’re handsome, you’ve got so many tattoos, you’re flexible, you’re a makeup artist, a costume maker, a conceptual artist, a creature actor, you can dance like no one’s business, you can do the most unbelievable stunts, you can even convincingly masquerade as a woman! You’re cool epitomized!

Sam: Yeah it would seem like wouldn’t it? But I’m not cool.

Junior: (Gestures to entire body) Then what do you call all this?

Sam: This is just outer confidence that other people pick up on and respond to positively. Cool is just a word invented by advertisement companies to sell their swill. And believe it or not I wasn’t always like this. Remember that photo of myself I showed you and your father while we were on the plane to Japan?

Junior: Yeah you really looked a lot like me.

Sam: Yeah but what that photo doesn’t show you is my emotional state at the time. And boy was it a train wreck.

Junior: You’re bluffing.

Sam: You mean I’m bluffing about feeling like no matter what you do no one will notice you? Feeling lonely even when you’re around people? Feeling like if you were to vanish then nothing would change so you wonder why the hell you’re even here to begin with? You think I’m bluffing about that?! (Junior looks on stunned) I used to be a very different person Junior, I could barely speak to anyone, even my own family. Sure I could put on a brave face and pretend to be complacent but so many nights I went to bed feeling unfulfilled with my life. I honestly wondered if I ever had a future where I could be happy with myself, a time when I could look in the mirror and be proud of the person I am.

Junior: So what made you change?

Sam: Well this (pulls a picture out of his Victoria’s secret compartment) played a crucial role in that. (Unfolds it and shows it to Junior. It shows 13 year old him and an Afghani young woman in punk rock clothing) Do you know who that is?

Junior: No but should I?

Sam: Depends if you’re a hardcore alternative punk fan. That’s Sabah Sabre, head guitarist, singer and face of the band The Homicidal Maniacs. Not only is her music kick ass she changed my life forever.

Junior: How?

Sam: Well long story short Jordan took me aka snuck me in to one of their concerts. I got separated from her, got scared, and somehow found myself inside Sabah’s trailer. I was in the hiding closet when Sabah found me. I thought I’d be kicked out but she took the time to talk to me and calm my nerves down. She even let me touch her guitar. It was so awesome. She even let me stay behind stage as her band performed, needless to say I had the best seat in the house. I’d listened to her songs before but in that moment I finally understood what her lyrics meant “Be extraordinary, be a character, be memorable, be outrageous, be loud, be spontaneous, life’s too short to sit and around, worry and mope. Live your life so that you can proudly say it’s mine and I love it.” Or something like that. After the concert ended she found Jordan for me but not before she signed this photo of the 2 of us. And since that day I never worried what others thought of me, I was gonna be the character I knew Sabah would want me to be. And now I am that person.

Junior: That’s a nice story and all but how does this help me?

Sam: What I’m saying is, don’t worry about what other people think about you. You only need to worry about how you see yourself. Life’s so much more fun when you let yourself have it rather than get caught trying to keep up appearances. Your family will stick by you no matter what if they truly love you. I’m not saying go 180 like me, but don’t sweat the small stuff. (Both hear sniffling and turn and see Dwayne)

Junior: Dad, did you hear that?

Dwayne: I heard it all.

Junior: But how? (Looks at Sam)

Sam: Guilty as charged. (Pulls out small microphone from his Victoria’s secret compartment)

Junior: I should’ve known.

Dwayne: (kneels down to his son’s level) Junior tell me, do you really feel like sometimes you’re invisible?

Junior: Well sometimes but not all the time. It’s just that-Well I just wanna be cool and popular but sometimes… sometimes I think no one really notices me, friends included. It’s-it’s a complicated feeling. I just want to be noticed and liked and thought of as cool.

Dwayne: (puts his hands on Junior’s shoulders) Junior, no matter what you should know this. I love you, I’ve loved you ever since I laid eyes on you in the delivery room. I’ll admit its hasn’t always been easy raising you but that’s parenthood you know you just-you just have to take it as it comes one day at a time. But I wouldn’t change a thing about you. No matter what you do, where you go or (looks at Sam) who you become I’ll always stick by you and support you, that’s a promise. (Junior embraces him in a hug)

Junior: Thanks dad, I-I’m really glad you said that.

Sam: Besides, you can always tell your friends “Well at least I got on the show, like any of you could do better.” And you’ve got friends in me, May, Jordan, Fabian, Geoff, Brody, Kitty, Gabriella, Annie, Leo, Carrie, Devin, Tom, Jen and Nekota. As long as we’re by your side any bullies will pay. (Pounds fist into hand)

Dwayne: (Smiles) Ready to make magic happen?

Junior: (Gets determined) Yeah! Let's do this!

Dwayne: (smiles) That's my boy.

(All 3 return to the backstage and run into May)

May: There you are Sam I’ve been looking for you everywhere.

Sam: Sorry but there was a family in crisis who needed my help.

May: Well now I need your help. The trick is all set up for us to go. Get in the cage and I’ll get things started.

Sam: Noted. (Both run off in their respective directions)

(Sam get into the cage with the lion while May is by the lever. May pulls the lever and the tarp covers the cage)

May: Get ready for something unlike the likes of which you’ve never seen before! (Pulls lever again, the tarp rises to reveal Sam all alone in the cage with the divider down. The magician claps for them, he’s ready to give them the thumbs up until May pulls the lever again and the tarp falls onto the cage again, everyone who watches this seems perplexed. She pulls the lever again to reveal Sam in a whole new red dress, everyone looks on perplexed. She pulls the lever to cover the cage again and when she pulls it up this time Sam is in a black and white dress juggling bowling pins, this makes most people laugh. She pulls the lever to cover the cage again and pulls it back up to reveal Sam missing and replaced by the lion. Suddenly the lion pulls off its head and reveals Sam in a lion suit, he takes off the suit to reveal himself wearing a golden dress, everyone’s really stunned now. She pulls the lever to cover the cage and pulls it again to reveal Sam dressed as a jester swallowing a sword. She pulls it multiple times, revealing Sam with doves in a pure white dress, Sam with a python in a faux leopard skin dress, Sam dressed as Alice pulling a rabbit out of a hat and then flipping the hat over and out spill a bunch of rabbits, Sam dressed in Cinderella’s rags, he then spins around and his rags change into a pretty silver dress. The tarp then lowers itself over the cage and the people behind the stage can’t find May anywhere, suddenly it rises to reveal May and Sam on top of the cage as doves fly free next to a huge birthday cake with sparklers and out of the cake pops the lion. The magician is so astounded by this performance he claps and cheers and everyone else watching, save for Jacques and Josee, do the same as well.)

Sam: (They both take a bow) Thank you, please hold your applause!

Josee: Showboating! I call showboating! No one likes a show boater!

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: Well someone’s calling the kettle black.

May: (they both take in the applause) Thank you, thank you, thank god for you.

Sam: I think we should go now.

May: Right. (Claps hands and the tarp falls on them. When it is pulled up they’ve vanished and the cage is back to normal)

Junior: I think it’s our turn dad.

Dwayne: (in the cage) Pull the Lever Junior.

(Junior pulls the lever and covers the cage with the tarp)

Junior: (crosses his fingers nervously) I seriously hope this works. (Pulls the lever again)

(The tarp is removed from the cage to reveal...)

..........

(Success. Dwayne is successfully alone in the cage while the lion has disappeared and the divider is gone.)

Magician: (gives a thumbs up in approval causing Dwayne and Junior to cheer)

Josee: (growls in anger)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Okay that’s it, they’re now on our list!  
\---> Jacques: What list?  
\---> Josee: Uh, our enemies list! Obviously!

Dwayne: (gets out of the cage) Come on let’s head to the chill zone!

Junior: Don’t you want to change out of that?

Dwayne: No time, we gotta get moving, I’ll change when we place. (Both run off to the chill zone)

Annie: Our turn!

Leo: Finally! (Leo gets in the cage he can see the Lion on the other side, he sweats nervously.)

Annie: (pulls the lever and the tarp covers the cage) Please work, we need this so bad. (She closes her eyes and pulls it again to reveal…. Leo is alone in the cage while the lion has disappeared and the divider is gone. He’s jittering nervously with his eyes closed but he’s alone. She opens her eyes to see her trick worked, the magician gives her the thumbs up) It worked! Leo we can go!

Leo: (nervously) Huh?

Annie: Open your eyes!

Leo: (opens eyes, he’s relived he’s all alone in the cage) I’m alone? I’m safe! (Pumps fists)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (writes something down on a piece of paper) And now so are they!

Annie: (helps Leo out of the cage) I’ll run ahead while you change.

Leo: No time to change, just grab my clothes and we’ll run to the chill zone.

Annie: Got it! (They leave)

(Over at the dune buggies course. Kitty and MacArthur are still fighting while Jordan and Gabriella can’t seem to pass them)

Gabriella: If they don’t clear this up soon I’ll have to get involved myself.

Jordan: I’ll help!

Nekota/Fabian: (Over intercom) Please don’t!

(All 4 buggies cross the finish line, the timer reads 1:05 for everyone. Everyone groans)

Kitty: Here we go again.

(Back at the Magic Stage, Josee has already pulled the lever and the tarp is already covering the cage with Jacques and the lion inside.)

Josee: This time we got this! (She pulls the lever again)

(The tarp is removed from the cage to reveal...)

..........

(Failure. Jacques and the lion are both still in the cage. The lion is biting down on Jacques foot while Jacques bites his finger to muffle the sounds of his screams.)

Magician: (gives them a thumbs down)

Josee: (goes up to Jacques) What's with you today?! Are you hiding hamburgers in your dress?!

Jacques: (glares) It's not my fault I'm irresistible! (Poses) It must be my natural, manly musk! (Smells his armpits)

Josee: (rolls her eyes) Yeah, that's it. (Pulls him out of the cage) Now we have to wait to try this, again!

Don: (voice) As the ice dancers fail again 1st place is still available, but our frontrunners are nowhere to be seen. (Crimson and Ennui have arrived at the Chill Zone first) AAH! How did you do that?! We need to put bells on you two! Any way you’re in first place with a Cirque do Soleil membership card and a Circus Circus getaway, now get off my carpet! (They walk off all nonchalant)

May: (off screen) Don? (Taps him on the shoulder)

Don: GAHHH! (Camera pans out and we see May and Sam, back in their regular clothes standing on the chill zone) Okay seriously what is up with you people and sneak appearances?! You get 2nd! Now please move! (They do as they’re told) Hopefully I’ll be able to see and hear the next team coming! (Plays with stress ball)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: I helped Dwayne and Junior and we got 2nd place, this was a great day.  
\---> May: (Holds up dress) And they let us keep the dress!

(Back at the dune buggies we see Brody drive buggy his off the incline and it does a backflip in the air. Geoff then crosses the finish line having completed his 9th lap around the course.)

Geoff: (to his intercom) We nailed it bro!

Brody: Yeah I know! (Looks and sees that the other teams are getting faster) I think we should leave now.

Geoff: Good thinking. (He gets out of the buggy and starts running to the chill zone as Brody climbs down from the control tower, when he’s on the ground he runs. After the surfers leave everyone crosses the finish line but everyone still gets a time of 1:02. Everyone groans)

(Up in the tower)

Kitty: (to MacArthur) Listen if we keep fighting there’s no way any of us can make it to the chill zone. What do you say we call it a truce? (Offers handshake)

MacArthur: Are you going to admit defeat?

Kitty: If it means we can get out of here then sure, I admit defeat and you win. Happy?

MacArthur: (shakes hand) Very. (Steps far off to the side) Alright ladies let’s get our motors running!

Kitty/Jordan/Gabriella: Finally! (Everyone gets ready to drive, hopefully for the last time)

(Back at the magician’s stage Tom and Jen are the next team to try the trick)

Tom: (about to pull the lever) You ready Jen?

Jen: (notices the lion but puts on a brave face) Yeah!

Tom: Well, here goes nothing! (Pulls the lever and closes his eyes, the tarp covers the cage. He waits a few moments and pulls it again, the tarp rises to reveal…. Jen alone in the cage, she breathes a sigh of relief) Yes! Woo hoo!

(The magician gives them the thumbs up)

Jen: Finally! (Gets out of the cage and runs to hug Tom) You’re the best partner I can ask for!

Tom: No you are! (Josee pushes them off screen)

Josee: Move it along snail folks!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: That was officially the rudest thing anyone has ever done to me. But in spite of that, and nearly becoming a lion’s lunch several times, this was such a fun day. I LOVE Vegas!  
\---> Tom: (holds up the dress) And we got to keep this dress, I wonder if it’ll look as good on me as it does on you?  
\---> Jen: We can figure that out later, right now we’ve got to make it to the chill zone, and pray that Carrie and Devin make it to. Then after that…  
\---> Synonymous: SHOPPING!

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: Well it’s official. I have severe animosity towards the ice dancers. (Crosses her arms)  
\---> Devin: Wow, you’re not one to easily despise someone. She even forgave the kid who shaved half her head when we were at sleepaway camp.

(At the Chill Zone, other teams begin to arrive.)

(Father and Son arrive)

Don: (smiles) Father/Son in THIRD PLACE! (The Siblings arrive) Brother and Sister in FOURTH PLACE! (The Surfers arrive) And Surfers take FIFTH PLACE! (They high 5)

Annie: We did it Leo, we’re still in! One day closer to winning that prize for all of us.

Leo: (panting heavily) Yeah that’s good.

Don: Are you okay?

Leo: (continues to pant) Yeah I just-I just ran here in this dress and heels and it’s really hot out. (Pants some more) I think this dress rearranged my diaphragm. (Pants some more) I NEED SCISSORS! (Falls onto the ground)

Don: (calls out) Crew!

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: (is seen pulling her brother’s heels off while he’s in his underwear, which is a black wife beater and white boxers with blue stripes) Okay I’ve got it, now you pull in the opposite direction. And GO! (She and Leo pull in opposing directions)  
\---> Leo: Come on ankle, think thin! (Struggles to free himself from the heels)

(Back at the chill zone Tom and Jen arrive)

Don: 6th place to the bloggers. (They squeal and move off to the side to wait for their alliance) Half of the spots are gone, our remaining teams better hurry unless they want to head home broker than the weather man of the same name.

(Back at the dune buggies course)

(Sanders, Emma, Nekota and Fabian cross the finish line in that order. Their partners look at the timer. It reads 55 for Kitty and Macarthur, 56 for Gabriella, and 57 for Jordan.)

Everyone: Yes! (Half climb down the watchtower. The other half get out of their buggies and everyone starts running to the chill zone)

(Back at the magician’s stage Devin and Carrie are ready to try the trick next)

Carrie: If we don’t get this trick right this time we may not get another chance. I’m sorry for being such an anchor this leg.

Devin: Don’t worry the important thing isn’t that million dollars. It’s us and our friendship, which I know can withstand anything. We’ve got this and even if we don’t we still have each other. Now get in there tiger.

Carrie: (determined) Let’s do this. (She gets into the cage, hopefully for the last time) Pull the lever!

Devin: I’ve got this. (Prepares to pull the lever) Please let us have this. (Gets ready to pull but something annoys him)

Josee/Jacques: (whispering loudly) Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. (Devin becomes annoyed with them and has had enough)

Devin: (fed up) WILL THE BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?! (This leaves everyone, even the lion and the magician, in stunned silence.) How is anyone supposed to get anything done with you 2 around?! (Pulls the lever. The tarp covers the cage. He waits a few moments until he pulls it again and reveals…. Just the lion in the cage. Devin stares in disbelief) Carrie? Carrie?!

(Beneath the stage)

Carrie: (looks around) Devin? Devin? (Looks off to the side and sees several lions) Eek!

(Chill zone)

Don: (MacArthur/ Sanders arrive) 7th! (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 8th! (Jordan/Fabian arrive) 9th! (Emma/Kitty arrive) 10th! I can only imagine the stress our final 2 teams must be feeling right now.

(Back stage)

Devin: (searching frantically) Carrie? Carrie? Carrie, where are you?! I’m not ready to lose you yet I-I need you! I care for you so much and I-I-I (Realizes something. “Jonsi’s Sun” plays and he remembers. He remembers their 1st day on the race, their challenge win in Morocco, her drawing in Paris, the 2 of them traveling through Venice, the costume they made in Brazil, the time he carried her over the coals in Hawaii, her air guitar routine in Finland, their safari in Africa, the moment she confessed her secret in Australia, the moment they shared in Alberta, the moment he held in her in fear of the komodo dragon, watching her on the swing ride in Japan, walking along the Galapagos beach, their 1st day of high school, the time they got to work on their history project together, the day he told her that he got a girlfriend and how happy she looked despite the fact she was torn up inside, the day Sozin’s comet premiered, the time they tried to marathon through “adventure time”, the Halloween they were Mary Poppins and Bert, all those times she helped him with algebra, the times she was at his volleyball games being a one woman cheer squad, the days they went to see tangled & how to train your dragon & how to train your dragon 2 & the lego movie & big hero 6 & kung fu panda & monsters inc. & up & the avengers. And finally he remembers the day they met. It dawns on him) I’m in love with you. All this time I thought I loved Shelley but I was wrong. You loved me but you sucked it up so I could be happy. I was taking advantage of you and I didn’t even know it. Well I’m gonna fix that, starting now! I’m coming Carrie!

Carrie: (fending off the lions with a chair) Stand back! I’ve come too far in this race to not find out how Devin really feels about me. Yeah I’ll admit things aren’t going optimally but I know none of this is his fault, it’s mine. But if I didn’t tell him what I really thought about him back in Australia I might never have and you know what? I’m proud I did that. I’ve got a fighting chance, and I’m not gonna let any of you stop me! (A lion swipes the chair away from her. She screams)

Josee: (she and Jacques snap back to it) She’s gone. Now’s our chance.

Jacques: But the magician won’t let us go until he grades the team before us.

Josee: I meant now’s our chance to re-strategize. We have GOT to get this next turn right. Give me the dress. I’m going in!

Jacques: But I thought we agreed-(Josee tackles him off screen and backstage. Punching noises are heard)

Devin: (he’s back onstage and has the lever in his hands. Desperate) Please work. I’m begging you! (Pulls the lever)

(Beneath the stage)

Carrie: (the lions are upon her, she closes her eyes and braces for the worst. She then hears gears wiring and opens her eyes to see herself rising up and another lion rising down. The trapdoor opens up and she’s back in the cage, alone.) I’m alive?!

Devin: (rushes to her and pulls her out of the cage) Yes you are. (Hugs her) And I’m forever grateful for that. (They turn and see the magician has given them a thumb’s up)

Carrie: Yes! We can go! (Runs off without Devin.)

Devin: Carrie wait! There’s something I need to tell you! (Runs after her)

Josee: (she and Jacques return. She’s now in the dress while Jacques is the magician. She whistles to the magician) Hey you! (Gets the magicians attention) We’re ready! (To Jacques) Don’t you DARE f*%k this up! GOT IT?!

Jacques: (nervously) OUI! (Salutes)

(Josee gets into the cage with the lion. Jacques pulls the lever and the tarp covers the cage. Growling is heard followed by a hard punch and the sound of a sack of bricks falling. Jacques pulls the lever again to reveal…. Josee standing alone in the cage and waiting for the magician’s approval. He gives them the thumbs up)

Jacques: Yes! We’ve done it!

Josee: (gets out of the cage) Not yet we haven’t! (Grabs him by his collar and drags him to the chill zone)

(At the chill zone we see people waiting for the last 2 teams to arrive.)

Jen: (to Tom) Where are Devin and Carrie? I don’t see them anywhere.

Nekota: (Looks off in the distance and can see Devin and Carrie running to the chill zone) I see them coming! I think they’re gonna make it! (People cheer)

MacArthur: Yes! I can finally be free of those ice dancers.

Sanders: You and me both man.

Nekota: (Notices something else off in the distance) Oh no, I can see the ice dancers catching up to them! (Everyone gasps)

(Devin and Carrie look behind them and see Josee/Jacques catching up with them. Both teams take time passing each other little by little until….. Both of them land on the carpet of completion at the exact same time)

Everyone: Who stays?!

Don: (looks over the footage on a tablet very carefully. Everyone awaits his decision) It’s pretty close but… today is a double elimination leg! (Everyone gasps dramatically. Don then laughs) Sorry it’s just, I had to see the looks on your faces. Truth be told it’s a non-elimination round. And as much as I’d love to be free of them, ice dancers stay in the race along with the best friends. (Everyone breathes a sigh of relief)

MacArthur: Oh come one can’t you bend the rules a little to send those clarified Zamboni machines home?

Josee: We can hear you!

MacArthur: Good!

Don: Sorry but this episode was pre-planned as a non-elimination round months in advance. Nothing I could do about it. We never could’ve predicted the obnoxious toads that would get cast.

Jacques: Well that’s rude.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (flatly) Jacques what position are we in?  
\---> Jacques: (scratches the back of his head) 11th?  
\---> Josee: (flatly) And how many teams are still in the competition?  
\---> Jacques: 12. But we’re still around, doesn’t that count for something?  
\---> Josee: (starts laughing. At first it starts out jovial but it then devolves into a mocking tone as she gets up in his face)

Carrie: (almost out of breath) Whew! That was way to close!

Devin: I’ll say. Carrie listen there’s something I want to tell you. I’m- (Notices that she’s conversing with the bloggers) up the creek without a paddle. (Buries his hands in his face) God what am I gonna do?

Don: That’s a very good question. (To the camera) If you want to find out stay tuned and continue to watch THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 3 eliminations in a row I decided for a breather. Just like in canon the goths win, the surfers waste their time and Kitty & MacArthur get into a fight. Unlike canon the best friends and ice dancers don't switch challenges. Also since Devin now knows about Carrie's crush on him his realization will go in a whole new direction. This chapter also expands on my oc Sam's backstory, once again I was worried about it coming off as purple prose but i think i managed it and because of him Dwayne and Junior were able to complete the challenge. Favorite part of this episode: Sam and May completely dominating the magic show. Least favorite part: I wasn't able to come up with one joke pertaining to "Pull the lever Kronk! Wrong lever!"
> 
> Next episode: Mexico
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Crimson & Ennui (1st Place)  
> Sam & May (2nd Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (3rd Place)  
> Leo & Annie (4th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (5th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (6th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (7th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (8th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (9th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (10th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie/Jacques & Josee (11th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owenn & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	25. El Bunny Supremo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teams head down south to Mexico, where they encounter spicy peppers and uncooperative burros. After one teammate goes missing another duo says adios.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, Lady Luck took our teams to Las Vegas baby! The goths made magic happen when they took 1st. Sam also made magic happen when he helped father & son reunite, I love moments like this. Kitty and MacArthur got into a serious case of road rage, the ice dancers kept playing craps, and Devin finally realizes he loves Carrie back. In the final race between them and the ice dancers it was a tie and a non-elimination round. Good luck for the more than just bf’s but bad luck for the rest of us. (He stands at last week’s chill zone.) Who’s luck will run out today? Find out today here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return back to the Ridonculous Race. We return back to our Chill Zone in the Las Vegas desert. Don stands near a Don Box with the Goths standing near him. )

Don: (smiles) Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race. We're back in sunny Nevada as we await yesterday's first place winners, the Goths, to read today's first tip.

(Crimson presses the Don Box and reads the tip)

Crimson: (reads) It's time to go Mexico. Ole.

(Don is seen in a slideshow of Mexico.)

Don: (smiles) I think she means (Poses) OLÉ! Yes, there's plenty to be excited about in Mexico. (An image of a Mexican temple is shown) Where the sun is hot (An image of a sunny beach is shown) and the salsa is HOTTER! (An image of a bowl of salsa is shown. A fly lands on it and it burns on impact.)

(Don is now seen back in Vegas walking on the road)

Don: (smiles) Teams must take a local form of transportation known simply as the chicken bus. (Motions to a bus next to him) This bus will take the teams to the beautiful cliffs of Acapulco where they'll receive their next tip.

(Teams are seen grabbing tips. Geoff and Brody get their tip next)

Geoff: Dude we’re going to Mexico!

Brody: Aww sweet, I was craving some chimichangas!

(Jacques and Josee reach the Don Box and press the button. He smiles while Josee glares.)

Jacques: (smiles) Oh look, we're going to Mexico. How exciting!

Josee: Let's just move already! (Grabs him and runs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (Josee has her back turned away from Jacques) Come on, Josee! You can't still be mad about yesterday.  
\---> Josee: (glares) You better believe I'm mad! Not only did we tie, we tied for last place!  
\---> Jacques: Oh come on, at least we weren’t eliminated. And I got to keep the dress! (Holds it up)  
\---> Josee: Doesn’t matter, the gothic vampires who took our gold are going down and I’m gonna do it with or without your help.  
\---> Jacques: Hey I hate them just as much as you I mean I’m not just the pretty one here.  
\---> Josee: Of course not, you’re the support for the pretty one. Duh.

(Carrie and Devin get their tip last)

Devin: Wow Mexico! (To Carrie) That’s one of your top 10 places to visit right?

Carrie: Yeah totally. I’m surprised you remembered in spite of everything going on.

Devin: Well I am your best friend. (They run off to join the other teams.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: (smiles) Carrie is as perfect as the entire toy story trilogy. I was too caught up with Shelley all this time to realize it, but now I see the light. I’m so happy my cheeks hurt. (Rubs his face)

Don: (voice) With all the teams done grabbing their tips, they are all on-board the Chicken Bus and on their way down to Mexico.

(The Chicken Bus is seen driving down the road carrying all the teams down to Mexico)

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: So when we heard we were taking a Chicken Bus to Mexico, we just thought it was a figure of speech. But....

(The inside of the bus reveals chickens. Lots and lots of chickens are seen everywhere on the bus. Most of the competition are weirded out by the chickens. Kitty smiles in the center of the bus.)

Kitty: Smile Chickitas! (Takes a selfie)

(A selfie of Kitty and a chicken are shown)

Leo: (notices his sister looks uncomfortable) If you feel uncomfortable just sit on my lap.

Annie: (Moves over) Thanks.

(A chicken stands on Gabriella’s head and pecks at her)

Gabriella: Just ignore it and think about the money.

(Elsewhere we see the fashion bloggers looking very uncomfortable)

Jen: Why didn’t we buy seat covers while we were in Las Vegas?

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: I think we speak for every contestant who’s ever been on this show when we say the producers have the worst taste in transportation. That bus was definitely in the top 10.  
\---> Tom: True that. If this weren’t a race for a $1 million we would’ve never ridden in that thing.

(Behind them we see Geoff and Brody)

Geoff: Did you get the gorditas?

Brody: (holds up several take out containers) Totally, and the burritos too.

MacArthur: (approaches them) Can I have one?

Junior: (approaches them) Me too.

Sanders: (Grabs MacArthur and pulls her back) She doesn’t want any, thank you.

Dwayne: (pulls Junior back too) Neither does he but thanks for the offer.

Geoff: Well more for us.

MacArthur: Hey come on Sanders I’m hungry.

Sanders: Do I really need to explain why it’s a bad idea to eat a sketchy fish taco?

MacArthur: 10-4 officer, I’ll stand down.

Junior: Dad come on I was just gonna eat one.

Dwayne: Junior I really don’t think those burritos are sanitary.

Fabian: Take it from me Junior you don’t wanna get food poisoning in the middle of the desert. (Takes out phone and shows him a picture of himself looking gaunt and zombie like in bed) Otherwise you’ll end up like this.

Junior: What’s that?

Fabian: (starts out calm but progressively gets angrier) This is what happens when you eat fast food chili then spend the rest of the night vomiting your stomach contents out and then have to drive for 8 1/2 hours through the desert into the middle of f^%&*ing nowhere while you’re practically dead and have to spend the next 2 weeks in the place where the dead go to die! (Visibly angry)

Junior: Oww. (We can see Fabian is squeezing Junior’s wrist intensely)

Fabian: (releases him from his grip and returns to normal) Oh sorry I really shouldn’t talk about New Mexico it really does bring out the worst in me.

Junior: (rubs his wrist) Why do you even have that photo?

Fabian: So my family can never forget the crap I went through for 18 years.

Junior: Maybe I can wait until after we finish the challenge to get something to eat.

Dwayne: Good call. (All 3 go back to their seats)

Jordan: You showed him the photo?

Fabian: Yep.

Sam: Hey who even took that photo anyway?

Fabian: Alexis, she thought it would be funny.

Jordan: Yeah that sister’s just as much a piece of work as the other 5. (Offers him a drink) Vitamin water? It’s strawberry kiwi.

Fabian: Sorry but you know I don’t eat or drink anything until after the challenge or on the long flight. That way I don’t suffer a bathroom emergency and waist our time.

Jordan: With all the running we do you should seriously drink more, you gotta keep your fluids up.

Fabian: I’ll be fine.

Jordan: If you say so. (Takes a drink from the bottle and Fabian doses off but quickly awakens himself)

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: (a bit drowsy) Okay I didn’t get a full sleep last night, but could you blame me Las Vegas is loud! I just gotta- just gotta- stay awake long enough for us to move onto the next round, then I’ll sleep. (Nods off but quickly regains composer) I’m fine! I’m fine!

Sam: (Hands May his Swiss army knife) Here, just in case you need it for today.

May: (she takes it) Thanks.

(Elsewhere we see Carrie and Devin sitting across aisles)

Devin: Are you sure you don’t want to sit on my lap? Are you still mad about that whole lion thing?

Carrie: Well, not so much mad as I am grateful and taking things slower. I’m fine here.

Devin: Well if you change your mind my lap is right here.

Carrie: Nice to know. Tell me when we get to Acapulco. (Starts reading a magazine. Devin sighs in solace)

(Josee and Jacques are seen sitting down and glaring at the Goths. They just sit blankly and look forward.)

Jacques: (to Josee) Maybe we could turn them against each other?

Josee: (shakes her head) Wouldn't work. They're too close.

Jacques: Maybe they don't have weaknesses?

Josee: Like my mother taught me: Everyone has a weakness.

Jacques: (scared) Your mother is a VERY scary woman.

(Josee looks at the goths hoping to find their weakness but still fails to find anything. However, she does notice something. Out of Ennui's shirt comes Loki who hops onto Crimson's lap. Crimson pets Loki.)

Josee: (she and Jacques smirk evilly) Weakness!

(Back to the surfers. A couple of empty burrito containers are seen on the floor as Brody happily eats a burrito. He burps.)

Brody: (smiles) Well, it's official. Gas station burritos are the BEST!

(The bus carrying the teams has finally arrives in Acapulco, Mexico. It's all tropical around them. The bus driver opens the door for the teams.)

Don: (voice) After an 18 hour bus ride, our teams are ready to rumble. Some literally.

Geoff: (rushes out of the bus holding his backside) OUT OF THE WAY!

Brody: (does the same) Donde esta el bano?

Geoff: (points) Over there! (Both head into a bush and start defecating)

Fabian: (walks off with his alliance) See? Bathroom emergency.

Tom: (runs with Jen) Come on!

Emma: (runs with Kitty) Let’s go!

Gabriella: (runs with Nekota) There’s the don box!

(All the teams run past the surfers)

Junior: (to his father) Good call dad.

MacArthur: (to Brody) Told you not to eat that.

Sanders: I told you!

(The Goths and Ice Dancers walk off the bus last. Loki is hidden in Ennui's shirt.)

Jacques: (smiles at the Goths) So, do you guys like stuff?

Ennui: No not particularly.

Crimson: Stuff is too mainstream

Jacques: (forced laughter) Wow! So do I! Has anyone ever told you two that you're funny?

Ennui: No.

Jacques: Uh oh! I'm falling now with no control over it! (He falls back and falls on top of Ennui) Whoops! Sorry!

Ennui: It's fine. (Jacques helps him up.)

Jacques: Completely my fault. (He winks at Josee)

Josee: (smirks and laughs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (holds up his hand) Nothing up this sleeve but what do we have over here.... (Grabs behind Josee's head to pull out Loki) AHA! (Loki growls and attacks Jacques) AUGHHH! GET IT OFF!

(The Don Box is seen near a shack. It's wearing a Mexican poncho.)

Leo: (running) Come on!

Dwayne: (running) Hurry!

(The first four teams reach the Don Box and press it to receive their tip.)

Sanders: (reads) It's an All-In.

May: (reads) Who loves peppers?

Annie: (reads) And who likes dip?

(Don is seen walking as he explains the All-In. He's near a stand that contains three types of peppers. One pile has yellow peppers, one pile has green peppers, and the last one has red peppers. Behind him is a body of water with a large cliff located in the middle.)

Don: In this All-In, a team member must eat one hot pepper from this food cart and once eaten wave the corresponding flag color. (Motions to flags that are green, yellow, and red.) The second teammate must make like an Acapulcon cliff diver! (Motions the cliff which has a level very low, a level that's in the middle, and a level WAY UP at the top. He motions to the lowest jump point.) Eat the spiciest pepper and your partner jumps from the lowest edge. (He motions to the medium ledge.) Eat a mid-range pepper and your partner jumps from there. (He motions to the highest ledge.) But eat the mildest pepper and your partner is basically jumping from the space station! (The camera shows canteens with tips attached to them located at the bottom of the water.) Cliff jumpers will find their next tip attached to canteens anchored along the bottom of the bay.

(The teams continue to read the tip.)

Junior: (reads) The canteens contain just enough cold milk to sooth the pepper eaters' burning mouth.

Dwayne: I'll eat. I can handle the spice.

Junior: Alright but try not to hurt yourself.

Dwayne: When do I ever hurt myself?

Junior: Please don't make me answer that. (Junior runs to the cliff)

Sanders: (to MacArthur) How do feel about eating a pepper?

MacArthur: Are you kidding? I’ve developed an immunity to pepper spray, I can handle this.

Sanders: All righty then. (They run off to their respective positions)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I’m all about spicy food. Back at the academy everyone called me The Volcano.  
\---> Sanders: Are you sure that’s why they called you The Volcano?  
\---> MacArthur: (angrily) Are you implying something?! (Gets up in her business) Say it to my face you limp ass noodle! (Sanders falls off her chair)

Emma: Are you sure you don’t mind the pepper?

Kitty: Of course, how bad can it be? (They watch a fly land on the spiciest pepper, it incinerates on contact. Both seem flustered to have witnessed that)

Emma: Eat the middle pepper Kitt. I don't mind the jump.

Kitty: Dually noted. (Both run off in their respective directions)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Sometimes the bravest choice isn't the smartest choice.  
\---> Kitty: Seriously, I love spicy food but those peppers are hotter than the sun!

Jen: Neither of us really like heights. But I think it’s my turn to eat something hot since you ate the stew all the way back in Morocco.

Tom: You are a real trooper girl.

Leo: Have you eat a super hot pepper or let you jump off a super high cliff? (Ponders) I’ll do the cliff jump it’s more dangerous. Eat the green pepper. I don’t mind the climb.

Annie: Sounds like a solid plan Leo. (Both head in their respective directions)

Sam: (to May) You want I should scarf it?

May: Oh hell no, I’m not jumping. You do it, I’ll eat the green pepper.

Sam: Fine by me. (Runs off)

Fabian: (reads the tip with Jordan) I really don’t like spicy food but at the same time I hate jumping from cliffs even more. You dive I’ll dip.

Jordan: Well don’t try and hurt yourself, please don’t. (They go off in their respective directions)

Gabriella: I’m doing the cliff dive. And I seriously don’t mind if I have to go to the tallest ledge but try and stomach the middle pepper.

Nekota: That I can do. (They run off in their respective directions)

Devin: (reads the tip) I’ll jump.

Carrie: I thought you’re afraid of heights?

Devin: Well yeah but-

Carrie: I’m not scared, eat the pepper. (Goes to the cliff)

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: I think Devin has finally returned to normal and that makes me as happy as clam at high tide. Maybe now we can get back into our regular swing of things.

Don: (voice as the Ice Dancers and Goths establish who’s doing what) Almost all the teams have settled on who’s diving and who’s eating but one team still has more pressing matters to attend to. (Geoff and Brody are still behind that bush)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: Burritos, why have you betrayed me?!

May: (looks at Geoff and Brody) Well they’re stuck in a rut. (To all the pepper eaters) So who’s going 1st?

MacArthur: (steps up to the red peppers) Allow me to show you all how it’s done! (Grabs a handful of peppers and eats them. Amazingly she doesn’t appear to be affected)

Pepper eaters: (stunned) Wow.

MacArthur: (walking over with red flag) See? Nothing to it but to do it. (Gets ready to wave the flag but suddenly she appears flushed, red and sweating) AAAAAAHHH! (She breathes out fire and steam comes out for her ears) JUMP SANDERS JUMP! (Waves the flag erratically) I NEED MILK!!!

Sanders: I’m on it! (She jump from the shortest ledge and lands in the water)

MacArthur: (runs around) SWEET BABY MOSES SOMEONE HELP ME! WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE THESE THINGS?!

(Cutaway gag: A bunch of Mexican men are seen laughing menacingly around a pepper plant)

Jen: Well I think that just proves that sometimes bravado screws you over as much as it helps you.

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I was going to eat the hottest pepper to show Carrie how tough I am but after watching what it did to MacArthur I think I’m just gonna go ahead and eat the green pepper. It can’t be that bad right?

(Crimson is seen grabbing the red pepper aka the hottest pepper. She gets ready to eat it)

Fabian: She's not really gonna eat it is she?

(Crimson lowers it into her mouth)

May: She is.

(Crimson chews the pepper. Everyone, both on the cliff and at the pepper shack, stares at her in disbelief, shock and awe. She stops and stares blankly. Everyone waits for her to react, some are worried while the ice dancers could care less, until....)

Crimson: (completely monotone) Ow.

(Everyone is at a total loss for words. They all just stare gape jawed and in shock)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: Man, the last time I saw a climax that anti was on March 31, 2014.

Annie: Huh. (Grabs a spicy red pepper) Maybe this isn't as bad as advertised. (Eats it)

Everyone save for the Goths and the Ice Dancers: NOOOOOOO!!!

Leo: ANNIE NO!!!

(Annie continues chewing for a few more seconds until she stops, she stands complacent. Everyone, especially her brother, worries for her well being, waiting for her reaction until.....)

Annie: (rubs her cheek with slight annoyance) Ow.

(Once again everyone stares in disbelief. The goths are also shocked but it's not visible on their faces)

Annie: (grabs the red flag and waves it) Come on Leo, jump! We've got to get moving!

Leo: (snaps out of it) Right! (Climbs down a level. When he's at the edge he breathes in deeply and jumps off the lowest point) GERONIMO!

Josee: (snaps out of it) Jacques! Eat! We're losing!

Jacques: (snaps out of it) Right! (Grabs a middle pepper with uncertainty) For the gold! (Bites into it) AHH! TOUT SWEET MAMA! Must persevere! Greatness awaits! (Continues eating)

Crimson: (waves a red flag nonchalantly) Jump.

Ennui: (He looks in his shirt) Ready to jump Loki? (No response) Loki? (He reaches into his shirt and pulls out a stuffed toy rabbit.) Huh?

Crimson: (from the beach) huh?

Ennui: (long, completely monotonous) Nooooooooooooo.

Dwayne: (He looks nervously at the medium pepper and eats it. He begins to chew.)

Junior: (to Dwayne) Alright! You're doing great, Dad!

Dwayne: (starts sweating and turning red) Y-YOWZERS! (He runs) MY TONGUE FEELS LIKE ITS MELTING! (He grabs the green flag and waves it) HURRY JUNIOR!

Junior: I'm coming dad! (He jumps off the medium ledge) YEAHHHHHH! (Hits the water)

Nekota: (quickly eats the green pepper, he can feel the heat in his sinuses) WHOA MOMMA! That's hotter than Samantha Potter and Heather Kuzmich!

Kitty: (eats a medium pepper and her face gets hot) AUGHHH! HOT! HOT! HOT! (She and Nekota wave green flags at the same time.) JUMPPPPP!

Emma: Well here goes everything! (She jumps) WHOAAAAA! (She hits the water)

Gabriella: I’m coming my Stallion of the Cimarron! (Quickly jumps and lands perfectly in the water)

(MacArthur is seen reeling from the effects of the pepper on the ground as Sanders exits from the water.)

MacArthur: (groans) W-Where's the milk?!

Sanders: (pants) I couldn't find any but-(cut off)

MacArthur: (glares) I don't care if it comes STRAIGHT FROM THE COWS UTTER, YOU DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU GET ME THAT MILK (She literally GRABS Sanders and throws her back into the water) START SEARCHING!

(Sanders shrieks a little)

Devin: (grabs a green pepper and hesitantly eats it, immediately he starts dry heaving and goes behind the pepper shack and vomits)

Carrie: (moans)

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: Devin never has been tolerant of spicy food. In middle school we had an “Around the world night” dance. Every room was decorated to look like a different country with different activities. We went to China to get some food and… the night got cut short there. And really that’s all I’m gonna say cause I’ve tried everything to forget that night. (The camera zooms in on her 1000 yard stare as dramatic music plays and the screen turns red) Everything.

Carrie: (calls out) I’ll start climbing.

Devin: (We see his arm extend from behind the pepper shack and he gives the thumbs up, he continues to vomit)

Carrie: (Starts climbing up to the highest level) I’ve got this. It’s just a high dive. Emphasis on the high part. But hey if Olympians can do it so can I. I mean sure they train for years so they don’t go belly up but I’ve got this. (Worryingly) Right?

Jen: (looks at what the peppers have done to Devin and MacArthur and decides she’d rather not tempt fate. She calls out to her partner) Tom climb up to the highest level!

Tom: (calls out) I understand completely! (Starts climbing)

(Confessional)  
\---> Tom: Yes me and Jen hate heights. But I can’t let Carrie make that jump alone. And besides we’ve already dealt with heights several times before so what’s one more time?

Fabian: (sees Devin) May Zeus have mercy on our souls. (Grabs a green pepper)

May: (gets an idea) Wait! (Grabs the pepper from his hands and then grabs the Swiss army knife from her Victoria’s secret compartment) I’ve got a plan! (She searches the knife until she finds the tiny blade. She grabs another pepper. She uses the blade to cut open the peppers and extract the seeds. She gives one pepper to Fabian) I’ve gotten rid of the seeds so they should be more edible now. (She still appears nervous) I think.

Fabian: Bottoms up. Hopefully we don’t go belly up. (Both take the peppers and eat them, they chew and swallow) Okay nothing so far.

May: Let’s get our milk before things get any worse. (Both walk over to grab a green flag, suddenly Fabian feels flustered and starts breathing heavily)

Fabian: Whoa I can still feel the heat! (Starts sweating profusely) Feeling, weird! (Blinks erratically) Feeling… flustered! (Feels very drowsy then starts stimming erratically) FEELING… HELP! (Can’t walk anymore and suffers another over stimulated episode. Everyone’s just starring at him all dumbfounded)

May: Oh no, not now!

Jordan: And I thought Finland was bad. We gotta jump!

Sam: We can’t go until they wave the flags!

Jordan: (shouts) May! Do something!

May: On it! (The pepper starts effecting her to) I should’ve eaten the yellow pepper! (Grabs a green flag and gives it to Fabian who waves it around erratically and while she waves her own green flag urgently) JUMP!

Jordan/Sam: (give each other the same approving look. They step back, jump, and dive into the water.)

(Back at the pepper shack we see Jen trying to fan Devin)

Jen: Devin are you okay?

Devin: (wearily) Yeah don’t worry Jodie I’m fine.

Jen: Jodie?

Devin: Hey listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?

Jen: (hesitantly) Sure?

Devin: Well come on closer and let me whisper in your ear. (She leans in closer and he whispers) I love Carrie.

Jen: (Gasps incredulously)

Don: (voice) As more people pay the pepper piper the surfers have yet to pick their poison.

(Geoff and Brody finally make it, they seem a bit weak from their “episode”)

Brody: I think I lost 10 pounds in that dump. If I eat anything else I’ll explode.

Geoff: (burps) Well I think I made some room so I’ll eat it.

Brody: Thanks bro, you’re a real life saver. (He goes to the cliffs)

Jen: (Has a pepper for herself and Devin. She gives one to Devin) Devin do you think you can eat this?

Devin: A cinnamon bun? How’d you know I love them so much?! (Eats it)

Jen: Guess that answers that. (Starts eating her pepper)

(At the top of the highest cliff edge we see Carrie and Tom have finally made it)

Carrie: Wow, Tom I thought you and Jen hated heights.

Tom: We do but I couldn’t let a dear friend of mine do something this dangerous alone.

Carrie: Wow that’s really nice of you.

Tom: Think nothing of it. (Looks down at the beach) I think it’ll be a while until Devin & Jen finish their peppers. Wanna just talk for a while?

Carrie: Sure it’s not like we’ve got anywhere else to go.

(Leo is seen coming out of the water with a canteen. He gives it to Annie)

Annie: (begins to drink from the canteen) Thanks!

Leo: (reads the tip) It's an All-In. "Burro'd Alive"?

(Don is seen walking into a stable in the Mexican countryside that contains several donkeys.)

Don: (smiles) In this All-In challenge, teams must take burros from this enclosure and ride them two miles South to reach today's Chill Zone located... (Don is seen standing on the Chill Zone near some Mayan temples.) HERE! Last team to arrive might end up like the Mayans who once lived here: NOT on television! (Begins to laugh)

(Back at the cliff dive...)

(Annie and Leo are seen standing on the shore together. Annie finishes what's left of the canteen)

Annie: That’s better.

Leo: Annie do you realize what this means?

Annie: That pepper does not joke around.

Leo: What I meant was we're in 1st place! And you got us here!

Annie: Really?! (Leo nods) YES! (They high five) First place! (They run for the donkeys)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: We haven't done this good since Australia! Maybe we'll finally win a leg!

(Devin and Jen have finally finished their peppers)

Devin: (has a yellow flag in arms. He waves it) Jump Forrest! Jump!

Jen: (Waves her yellow flag) You too Tom!

(At the top of the cliff)

Tom: (notices their partners) Well I guess it was inevitable.

Carrie: (sighs) Yeah, you're right. (Smiles) Wanna jump together?

Tom: (smiles) Sure. (They grab onto each other's hands) One...

Carrie: Two...

Carrie/Tom: THREE! (They jump off the highest point together and scream as they fall) AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

(Back at the bottom, Jacques is seen waving a green flag.)

Jacques: Hurry up and jump, Josee! (Loki is squirming in his shirt)

Josee: (gives a thumbs up and does a front flip off the medium ledge and lands perfectly in the water)

Jacques: (claps for Josee) Bravo! Perfection!

Josee: (waves for her fans in the water until she hears screaming) What’s that? (She looks up, gasps and sees-)

.........

(Carrie and Tom coming down strong as they fall on top of Josee.)

Josee: (wide eyed) OH MERDE! (Carrie and Tom crash on top of Josee in the water)

Nekota: (laughs at her pain and suffering)

Jen: (winces at what she just saw)

Devin: (notices the huge splash) Oh my god! It’s a mushroom. Maybe it’s friendly! (Waves arms erratically) Friendly! Friendly mushroom! Won’t you love me?

(On the shore, Emma is seen exiting the water with a canteen. Kitty smiles eagerly as she grabs a canteen and starts chugging it.)

Kitty: (drinking milk from the canteen) Thank you Emma! (Continues to chug as she high fives Emma)

Emma: (smiles) Yes! We can still win this! (She grabs the tip and reads) We need to get a burro or two. (Both leave)

(Sanders is seen coming out of the water with a canteen. MacArthur quickly grabs it.)

MacArthur: (begins to chug the canteen) Finally! (Continues to chug)

Sanders: Alright! (They high five. She reads the tip) We gotta go to the pyramids via burros! (They run for the donkeys)

MacArthur: (chugs more milk as she runs) To the donkeys! (Chugs more milk) Go Cadets!

Gabriella: (emerges from the water next with the canteen in hand) Got it! (Nekota grabs it and starts drinking)

Nekota: Oh blessed relief! (Continues to drink as Gabriella reads the tip)

Gabriella: Oh you’re gonna love this, it involves donkeys.

Nekota: (finishes the milk and tosses the canteen to the wayside) I’m done, let’s go! (They run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: Not to brag but when I was a little kid I signed myself up for a junior rodeo, I got to compete in the donkey roping competition and I took 1st place! And then my parents found out where I was and promptly grounded me for sneaking off behind their backs but hey, I can tame a donkey so they better not mess with me.

(We see Josee emerging from the water next with Canteen in hand. She appears quite unhappy)

Jacques: Are you okay? I saw that splashdown and I was worried.

Josee: Don’t ever talk about it! (Starts bottle feeding him the milk) Just drink!

Geoff: (grabs a green pepper and eats it) Hmm, I can hardly taste anything. (Waves a green flag) Jump Brody!

Brody: YEAAAHHH! (Jumps and lands in the water)

Geoff: (Dry coughs. Suddenly his stomach rumbles and he clutches it) Uh oh, I think this is going to go even further south than it already is.

Junior: (emerges from the water next and gives the canteen to his father) Here’s the milk dad.

Dwayne: (Drinks like a camel who’s been in the desert for a week) That really hits the spot, I mean that pepper was nothing.

Junior: Don’t be the big man dad. (Reads the tip) Aw sweet, we’re going to the pyramids!

Dwayne: Well I’ve always wanted to see the pyramids of Egypt but I guess the ones in Mexico will do just fine. (They run off to the donkeys)

(Ennui emerges from the water next with the canteen, he gives it to Crimson.)

Ennui: Here you go. (Crimson starts to drink until she notices something)

Crimson: What’s the matter?

Ennui: How could you tell?

Crimson: You’re so emotional.

Ennui: Loki’s gone.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: One year Santa brought a black kitten, I named him Toxic Mold. One day he left and never came back.  
\---> Crimson: (holds his hands) Don’t worry, no bunny gets left behind on our watch.

(Jordan and Sam emerge from the water next with canteens in hand. Jordan’s hair is somehow shorter than before)

Jordan: We got the milk guys!

Fabian: (Takes it) THANK YOU! (Chugs)

May: (Drinks her milk until she notices something about Jordan) What happened to your hair?

Jordan: (pulls out tiny make up mirror and looks at her reflection and gasps) My extensions! Where’d they go?

(Elsewhere in the lagoon we see Jordan’s extensions floating in the water and being picked up by some egrets to be used in their nests)

Sam: When did you even get those?

Fabian: (Finishes and tosses the canteen away) Who cares about hair?! (Reads the tip) We’re going to the pyramids of Chechen Itza! (Grabs Jordan and they head to the donkeys)

May: Wait up! (She continues to drink while she and Sam run)

(On the trail to the pyramids, we see Annie and Leo on 2 donkeys)

Leo: This is going great, we’re in the lead! First place here we come!

Annie: I can’t wait to see the pyramids.

Leo: Well I can’t wait to be the 1st to get the tip next time. (Kicks burro in the side) Hiya! Let’s go! (Suddenly the burro stops) Huh? (The burro then collapses to its side. Leo stands up) My burro! What’s wrong with it?!

Annie: (gets off her burro and examines his) It appears to be… blowing a bubble.

Leo: What? (Examines his burro) Uh that’s not a bubble.

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: I was riding a PREGNANT burro! How does that even happen?!

Annie: It’s giving birth we’ve got to help!

Leo: Okay except A. We’re not veterinarians and B. we don’t know anything about Lamaze.

Annie: Don’t worry I’m prepared for this. (Pulls out a pocket sized livestock veterinarian’s manual)

Leo: Of course you carry that around.

Annie: I’ll read and instruct, you deliver.

Leo: (unenthusiastic) Ok then. (Places hands near the burro’s uterus canal and rolls up his sleeves)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: The things you do for a $ 1 million. (Rubs his temples) God why me?

(Brody emerges from the water next with the canteen, he gets ready to give it to Geoff but something turns up)

Geoff: (clutches stomach) Oh god! Not again! (Runs off into the same bush from before)

(At the burro enclosure we see Gabriella and Nekota getting onto their burros)

Gabriella: That pepper wasn’t too bad was it?

Nekota: Nothing I haven’t felt before. On the plus side it cleared up that sinus infection I got back in the North Pole but onto more pressing matters now. (Kicks Gabriella’s burro in the side) Hiya!

Gabriella: Whoa! (The burro takes off like a race horse)

Nekota: Hiya! (Kicks his burro in the side and it does the same)

(Meanwhile on the trail, MacArthur and Sanders are seen riding their burros.)

MacArthur: YEEHAW! Ride it, stallion!

Sanders: It's not a stallion. It's a burro.

MacArthur: (smiles) I know that but we don't know if he does. He could be lightning fast. All I need to do is give him some confidence.

Sanders: It's a burro. Giving it false confidence isn't going to make it suddenly go faster.

MacArthur: (cheers) Go stallion! (Suddenly, her burro starts running extremely fast, shocking Sanders) WOOOHOOO! TOLD YOU!

Sanders: (shocked)

(We see Jen and Devin drinking the milk form their canteens. Devin laps his like a cat while Carrie and Tom look weirded out)

(Further back on the trail, the Sisters and Father and Son are seen traveling slowly on their burros.)

Kitty: (smiles) It was nice of you guys to come along with us on the trail.

Dwayne: (smiles) The pleasure is all ours. Just because we're in a million dollar competition doesn't mean we can be friendly with other teams.

Emma: Actually, if our two teams end up in the bottom two just be prepared for us to double-cross you. No offense.

Dwayne: None taken.

Kitty: (pulling out her collar because of the heat) Mexico is nice but it could really use some lemonade stands.

Junior: Tell me about it. (Wipes some sweat from his forehead. He then takes off his jacket and ties it around his waist)

(As they speak, the Ice Dancers are seen passing the two teams on their burros which are going fast.)

Jacques: (waves) Toodles!

Dwayne: W-What?!

Emma: How did they.... We need to go faster!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (motions to her legs) Skater quads are excellent for horseback riding. A strong, consistent leg thrust really says "Giddy Up!”

(Back at the burro enclosure the anime nerds and animaniacs are getting ready to leave)

Jordan: (has her burro ready) Ready to go guys?

May/Sam: Yep.

Fabian: (Breathing shallowly) Yeah I’m ready I just- I just- (Eyes look up and he falls backwards onto the sand. His friends try to help him but then he starts convulsing. It stops after a minute and he just lays there like a flounder)

Jordan: (solemn) Fabian! (She holds his head up) I’m supposed to elevate the head right?!

May: Set him down let’s see if we can wake him up. (Jordan does so) Fabian! Fabian! Fabian!

Fabian: (Opens his eyes) Huh? Wha-? (Raises his head and then starts to stand up) What happened?

Sam: You convulsed. I think you may have just had a seizure!

Fabian: (Groggy) What no, no, no. I-I’m fine I just need to make it to the… chill zone… (Vomits a little and then falls to his knees and then gently falls to his side)

Sam: (Examines him, thankfully he’s still breathing) He’s breathing! (Examines him closer) I think he’s asleep.

Jordan: What the hell was that beforehand?!

May: I don’t know but I think we should contact the medic.

Cameraman: (off screen) The medic is at the chillzone, we could give you all a lift but that would disqualify all of you.

Jordan: We need to make the trip ourselves.

May: Jordan think logically. We have an unconscious man and none of us have any medical training. We also have no EMT, no nurse, and no pediatrician. 

Sam: I’m with May, safety first.

Jordan: Guys we all know Fabian. He would want us to go to chill zone and at least cement our spots in the next round. He doesn’t care about himself like that.

May: (sighs) You’re right. I guess we’ve got to get him to the pyramids. What are we gonna do?

Jordan: (thinks) I’ve got an idea!

(Brody is seen looking for Geoff)

Brody: (calling out) Geoff?

Geoff: (stepping wearily out of the bush) I don’t think I can eat anything ever again. Or at least until tomorrow.

Brody: (carries him over the shoulder) Come on man let’s go.

(Along the trail we see Gabriella and Nekota racing their burros through the Mexican country side)

Gabriella: And Gabriella takes the lead! She’s ahead by a nose!

Nekota: (Catching up to her) Yes but coming around the corner is Nekota! And he’s ahead by a couple of fifths! And he’s beating her!

Gabriella: Yeah but she’s coming in by a hoof!

Nekota: He’s coming around the corner! He’s gonna make it!

Gabriella: It’s too close to count ladies and gentlemen!

(Both start laughing)

Gabriella: Man this is great.

Nekota: What is?

Gabriella: You and me still being in this race and making it this far.

Nekota: Yeah it is pretty great.

Gabriella: I just wish we could win something.

Nekota: Hey they only leg we really need to win is that last leg. For now let’s focus on strategy. Maybe we could form an alliance. I don’t think we’re really bonding with the other teams.

Gabriella: A. You know very well how great our last alliance went. B. You also know we aren’t exactly people people. People persons? Point is you know we don’t like hanging out with too many people.

Nekota: Yeah but a little extended hand in friendship always goes a long way. If you really want to get back at the ice dancers we could team up with the cadets, they’ve got as much of a vendetta against them as us.

Gabriella: They’re also just much of a physical match up as us. I’ll consider it. Right after we win! (Slaps her donkey on the side and it goes faster)

Nekota: Hey wait for me! (Kicks his donkey in the side to make him go faster)

(Back at the enclosure we see the best friends and the fashion bloggers getting ready to leave)

Jen: (she has 2 burros for her team and 2 for Carrie/Devin) Wow these burros really complement our colors.

Tom: (to Carrie) Do you think you and Devin can do this by yourselves?

Carrie: (looks at Devin who’s talking to a cactus)

Devin: That’s strange she’s got 5 o’clock shadow. (Checks his watch) And it’s not even 3:30.

Carrie: (flatly) No we can't. (Goes to help Devin before he touches that cactus)

(Back near the bus, the Goths are seen looking around for Loki.)

Ennui: (calls out) Loki. Loki.

Crimson: Don’t freak out, we’ll find him.

(As the Ice Dancers ride their burros, Loki is seen moving around in Jacques' chest and screeching.)

Jacques: (groans) This stupid rabbit won't shut up!

Josee: Here, let me deal with it. (She punches Jacques in the chest causing Loki to screech in fear) There, better.

(Further down the trail we see Jordan, Sam and May riding on donkeys and Fabian tied to the saddle of another donkey walking besides Jordan)

Jordan: (strokes Fabian’s hair while singing) From the green belt balcony, the wildfires look so pretty. Ponderosa canopy I’d never leave if it were up to me. To ruby redwood tree and to the velvet climbing ivy, painted all mahogany. I’d never leave if it were up to me. (Sighs) Please be okay.

Sam: Don’t worry sis we should be at the chill zone soon enough.

May: (gives Sam the pocket knife back) Here’s you knife, it really came through today.

Sam: Told ya. (They look behind them and see the best friends & bloggers are catching up to them) Oh I think I see Tom, Jen, Devin & Carrie. (Looks a little closer) What is that?

(We can see that Devin is lying stomach down on a donkey, tied to the saddle. Tom is riding beside him as Jen & Carrie ride ahead of them)

Jen: This is great, I think we’re catching up. (They do catch up to the anime nerds/animaniacs and notice Fabian) What happened to Fabian?

May: We’re not entirely sure but we think the pepper may have given him a seizure.

Carrie/Tom/Jen: (gasp with concern)

Jordan: Our only hope now is to get to the chill zone so the medic can examine him.

Carrie: Well the peppers didn’t treat us any kinder. (Points to Devin who’s pawing at the ground like a kitten)

Devin: (sing song) `Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the bogoroves, and the mome raths outgrabe.

Sam: As much as I like watching people suffer even I feel sorry for him.

Tom: Well the good news is we’re all making progress and should be at the chill zone soon.

Carrie: (to the bloggers) Guys I can’t thank you enough for your help today.

Tom: Oh think nothing off it.

Jen: Hey Carrie why don’t you ride by Devin? You can console him better than any of us.

Carrie: Good thinking. (She and Tom switch positions. Jen whispers into Tom’s ear)

Jen: (whispers) It’s official: Devin loves Carrie back.

Tom: (Gasps) Are you sure?! When did he say this?!

Jen: When we we’re waiting for you 2 to make that dive.

Tom: (looks back at Devin)

Devin: (slight Irish accent) If you will bend and tell me that you love me. And exactly why, the thistle grows.

Tom: Are you sure he was serious?

Jen: You know what they say: In Vino Veritas. In wine there is truth. Or in this case blisteringly hot peppers.

(Up ahead, the Cadets are seen stopping before a bridge as MacArthur's burro is sitting down. Sanders is still on her burro.)

MacArthur: (glares) Come on! It's just a bridge! Move it! (The burro does nothing, so gets in the burro's face) LISTEN TO ME! MOVE IT! (The burro suddenly decides to lie on the ground and sleep. she groans) Seriously?!

Sanders: Well look on the brightside. At least we're still in first place.

(As she says this, the Ice Dancers ride past them on their burros onto the bridge.)

Josee: (as she rides) See you two at the finish line...... Or NOT! (She and Jacques laugh as they ride on.)

Sanders: (cringes as she turns to MacArthur)..... Spoke too soon?

MacArthur: (clearly annoyed) You THINK?! (She goes up to her burro) COME ON YOU LAZY BEAST! MOVE IT!

(MacArthur yells at her burro and Sanders watches. At the end of the bridge, the Ice Dancers race on their burros until Jacques’ stops suddenly.)

Jacques: (uncomfortable) Whoa! Hold up! (Josee stops her burro too) The bunny is tickling me and I don't know if (Loki jumps out of Jacques' vest) NO!

Loki: (hisses at the Ice Dancers)

Josee: (glares) Jacques! Grab that fleabag! (Both lunge at him)

(Jacques tackles Loki but Loki hops out of the way. Josee tries to grab him as well but he just hops along the side of the bridge and heads back into the jungle)

Josee: Little rat!

Jacques: It’s a lagomorph. (Josee glares at him) Look on the brightside, no doubt we’ve created enough of a delay that the goths will lose, now all we have to do is get back on our burros and (turns to see their burros have left) Where are they?!

Josee: Never mind, the chill zone is within our sights, let’s hightail it! (They run)

(At the Chill Zone...)

(Don is seen pacing around the Chill Zone near the Mayan temples waiting for teams to arrive. Suddenly, Sanders is seen arriving alone with her burro.)

Don: (raises an eyebrow) Aren't you missing a loud mouthed and short fused partner?

Sanders: MacArthur and her burro are having their "differences" at the moment.

(The Ice Dancers arrive without their burros.)

Jacques: (glares) There's only one police cadet here! They don't win!

Don: Not yet but unless the two of you cough up two burros I'll have to give you a thirty minute penalty.

Josee/Jacques: (gasp) NO!

Sanders: (smiles) Yes!

(A big red 30:00 appears on the screen and begins to count down.)

(Meanwhile...)

(MacArthur is seen still on the other side of the bridge clearly annoyed with her sleeping burro.)

Sanders: (off-screen) MACARTHUR! YOU HAVE THIRTY MINUTES! HURRY!

MacArthur: (gets in the burro's face) Okay donkey. I've endured a lot of hardship on this race so far, I've been cramped in close quarters, put in jail, floated down a frozen river, walked over a minefield, out run a rhino, hiked all over an island, spent hours in tree hanging over a bunch of venomous lizards, rode a mechanical bull, fell out of the sky, sailed a raft over a waterfall, fought in tomato sauce, been stung by ants, rode cheese like a canoe, and ate a pepper that probably burned my taste buds off. We could do this the easy way or the hard way! WAKE UP! (The burro yawns so she glares) Guess we're doing this the hard way. (Cracks knuckles) 

(Meanwhile...)

(Crimson and Ennui are seen sitting on the sandy beach looking out to the water like woman who lost her husband to the sea.)

Crimson: We can't find him anywhere. (Sighs)

Ennui: And I don’t know how we can continue on without him.

Crimson: Maybe we should just go now.

Ennui: Perhaps we should.

(In the distance, they notice something running towards them.)

Crimson: (looks) What is that?

(They see two burros running towards them carrying Loki)

Crimson: Loki. (Loki jumps onto Ennui's hands) We found you.

Ennui: I think it’s more like he found us, and 2 burros. (Motions to the two burros)

Crimson: So… we keep going?

Ennui: Yep. Andale. (Both get on their burros nonchalantly and the burros start to walk)

(Back at the temples, Don and Sanders wait on the Chill Zone while Josee and Jacques wait away from the Chill Zone pacing for their penalty to end.)

Josee: (glares) Our thirty minutes have to be up by now!

Don: (walks up to her) Actually.... (The timer is still counting down at 20:27) It's not! (Smiles)

(Suddenly, MacArthur is seen walking with her burro over her shoulders as she walks to the Chill Zone. Don, Josee, and Jacques stare in shock as Sanders cheers.)

Sanders: (cheers) Go MacArthur! WOO!

MacArthur: (struggles but keeps moving) Come on..... Almost there..... (Collapses on the Chill Zone with her burro) Oh YEAH! (Cheers) This is why you never skip leg day! First place!

Sanders: You’ve earned it!

Don: Cadets take first place again! And their reward is a vacation to Playa Del Carmen!

Cadets: (high 5)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: (smiles) The best part about winning is that the Ice Dancers didn’t.  
\---> MacArthur: (smiles) Gotta give props to that burro. He was one tough hómbre.

Don: (looks off in the distance) And here come some more teams.

Josee: Damn it!

Don: Here are Leo and Annie taking home 2nd! (Leo, Annie and their 3 burros cross the chill zone next) Where did you get that 3rd donkey? (Inhales and smells something awful) And what smells like the back end of a petting zoo?!

Leo: (he and Annie are both covered in birthing fluid. His arms are at his side) Donkey afterbirth.

Don: I’m not even gonna ask. Feel free to use the crew’s laundry and shower service.

Leo: Thank you! (Runs off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: (petting the baby donkey) We may not have won today but we helped assist in the miracle of birth. I think I’ll name him Arturo. (Donkey bleats)

(The gym rats cross the chill zone next)

Don: 3rd place!

Gabriella/Nekota: Yes! (High five)

Ice dancers: (growling)

(We can see the goths are making their way down the trail)

(Some time later...)

……

(The Ice Dancers still wait hastily as they have 1:27 on their penalty.)

Josee: (tapping her foot) Come on!

Jacques: (looks back and gasps) Oh no!

(The Sisters and Father and Son rush in on their burros wearing sombreros.)

Don: (smiles) Sisters have come in fourth and Father and Son have come in fifth!

Emma: (smiles) Alright!

Kitty: Awesome! (She and Emma high five.)

Don: (smiles) By the way, nice sombreros!

Junior: (smiles) Thanks!

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: We may not have won this round but we’re still in the running so there’s nothing to worry about. Plus, we got sombreros!  
\---> Junior: Olé. (He and Dwayne laugh)

(0:00! The Ice Dancers' penalty is over!)

Don: Penalty over! (Josee and Jacques run over to the Chill Zone) Ice Dancers take sixth place!

Jacques: (glares) This is unacceptable!

Josee: (glares) You're telling me! (Groans)

Don: (voice) As more teams reach the chillzone, the surfers try to catch up. (Geoff and Brody get on their donkeys and slap them on the sides to get them going)

Jen: (talking with May and Sam) Oh my god he didn’t.

May: He did. I still have it as the screensaver on my laptop.

Sam: Needless to say I made that a Christmas she’ll never forget.

Tom: (riding alongside Jordan. He notices her much shorter hair) Hey Jordan what happened to your hair? It was longer this morning.

Jordan: When I splashed down from the cliff dive my extensions must’ve fallen loose.

Tom: Extensions or not you make it work.

Jordan: Really?

Tom: Really.

Jordan: Oh that’s nice to hear. This has been my most chaotic day on the race yet.

Carrie: You and me both.

(All 4 teams cross the chill zone)

Don: And it goes Anime Nerds 7th place, Fashion bloggers 8th, Animaniacs 9th, and Best Friends 10th! (Notices Devin and Fabian) What happened to them?

Sam: (unties Fabian while Tom unties Devin) The peppers Don, the peppers. (Fabian falls off his saddle while Devin gets up and starts dancing erratically)

Don: Medics! (Medical personnel get Fabian onto a stretcher and try to calm Devin down)

Dwayne: Wow that really makes you thank your lucky stars.

Junior: I hope no one has to leave the race out of injury. They’re all good people.

Kitty: I know, total bummer.

Gabriella: (does the sign of the cross)

Don: With that out of the way, two teams are still out there, it's gonna be an interesting burro race to the Chill Zone!

(On the trail, the goths are seen riding their burros fast through the trail. The Surfers are nowhere to be seen. Suddenly Geoff and Brody appear and bypass them. Loki chirps at the donkeys, telling them run faster and they do. Both teams take time passing each other little by little until the pyramids are within sight.)

Don: Here they come! It’ll REALLY be a close one! It’s… (2 donkeys are standing on the chillzone) the Surfer dudes! (Camera pulls back and we see Geoff and Brody on those donkeys, the goths are right behind them)

Brody: Still in! Still in! (Pumps fists)

Geoff: Can you believe a burrito was almost our downfall?

MacArthur: I could’ve told you that.

Sanders: I told you!

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: That’s it. From now on the only thing I’ll get from the gas station is gas.  
\---> Brody: Same man, same.

Don: (Walks over to the goths) Goths and rabbit you are eliminated. I’m honestly very surprised I’m saying this now, I thought I would say it back in Morocco but here you are. I wish you luck in whatever circus or cult you wind up in. Do you literally have anything left to say?

Crimson/Ennui: (they stare at each other blankly and get off their burros)

Crimson: We would just like to thank you for the opportunity. We truly did have a blast.

Ennui: And to the rest of our competitors congratulations, you all made this race more enjoyable. We’ll be sure to write about you all in our dark poetry. Annie we wish you and your brother the best of luck in your new relationships, we think you’ve both found the perfect people to complement you.

Crimson: Sam and May, you both rock. Carrie good luck to you and Devin. Jordan, we hope Fabian is okay.

Ennui: We hope you all get the ending you deserve. (He and Crimson stare at the ice dancers. It’s their usual blank stare but Jacques and Josee are intimidated by it) Anyway, good bye and thanks for all the memories. (They leave)

Don: Wow, that almost moving. I guess they do have souls.

Loki: (As Ennui walks he growls and does the finger across throat “I will kill you” motion to the ice dancers. They are a little intimidated by this)

Don: That was good. Wanna see who will go home next? Find out when we return to THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera)

=== Best of Crimson and Ennui === (A slideshow is seen on the screen of Crimson and Ennui's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Crimson and Ennui voiceover)

Crimson: (voice) I’m really glad we went to Transylvania. It was so much fun.

Ennui: (voice) I’m glad we got to go to Finland, that was nice. And so was Iceland, we got a great prize out of that leg. Well that and Indonesia.

Crimson: (voice) Honestly if we want the money we could always go back to Vegas and take that magician up on his offer.

Ennui: (voice) I’m surprised at how many places I liked. From the catacombs of Paris to the island born out of fiery hell and the vicious dog eat dog savannah. Not to mention we’ve discovered a new muse in No-Face.

(Ennui/Loki/Crimson are seen walking together on the Mexican coast)

Crimson: Do you think the ice dancers will get what they deserve?

Ennui: Personally, I hope they get worse.

Crimson: I love it when you talk like that.

Ennui: Oh stop, you’ll make me blush.

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what they say: If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. 
> 
> Another chapter that is all over the place. The cadets once again win, thanks in part to MacArthur's glutes and Leo/Annie still can't claim top spot. The Ice Dancers trickery leads to the Goths elimination like in canon, hey bad guys need bad guy cred but at least Crimson and Ennui have stuck around for a few more episodes and won another leg, I'll miss their weird ways. As for Devin and Carrie I decided to spare them some malaise, in my own special way. Some dramatic things happened to my ocs, that incident with Fabian's "seizure" was inspired by a similar incident I went through, except it didn't happen because I ate a pepper in Mexico, it happened getting my hand cast in wax at the Madame Tussaud's in San Francisco, we'll learn what happened next chapter. Favorite part about this episode: Jordan's shade about How I Met Your Mother, and then there's that little reference I made to Mulan, it's such a MacArthur thing to say. 
> 
>  
> 
> Next episode: San Francisco 
> 
> Team Placements:  
> MacArthur & Sanders (1st Place)   
> Leo & Annie (2nd Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (3rd Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (4th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (5th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (6th Place)  
> Sam & May (7th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (8th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (9th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (10th Place)   
> Geoff & Brody (11th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Crimson & Ennui (12th place)   
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owenn & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	26. Panic! At the Frisco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the teams head to San Francisco they must brave the bay and feel the love to race another day.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, things got heated as we traveled to Mexico. Unfortunately not everyone could handle the heat. Seriously 2 of our contestants needed medical attention, maybe this challenge wasn't such a good idea. Anyway when it seemed like the ice dancers would take 1st again MacArthur's glutes got the job done instead. Devin may have let a few things slip loose, Jordan got a haircut, the surfers had trouble with burritos and the siblings assisted in the beautiful and disgusting miracle of birth. In the end the goths were eliminated and went back to whatever graveyard they popped out of. (He's seen at the Mexican chill zone from last time) It's gonna be another grave end for another team here today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera with a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don stands in front of the Chill Zone by the pyramids.)

Don: It's time to say vamanos to Mexico. Our 1st team to depart is the cadets. (MacArthur takes some time to dance mockingly in front of the ice dancers. It's working)

MacArthur: What? Jealous of my boogie?

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: From now on we stay in the winner’s circle by ANY means necessary.  
\---> MacArthur: (giddy) Does this mean I can-  
\---> Sanders: (doesn't even look at her) No. You cannot use the tazer on anyone. (MacArthur frowns) 

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Another day not in 1st place!  
\---> Jacques: Oh come on it’s not all that bad. We did manage to eliminate a team.  
\---> Josee: You’re right. Too bad they don’t give out gold medals in treachery.

Sanders: (presses the button and gets the tip) Fly to San Francisco International Airport.

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of San Francisco) This beautiful city by the bay is known for its marina (slide with ships in the marina is shown), laizzes-faire politics (slide of the pride flag is shown), and major tech innovations (the Apple logo is shown. Don is now seen standing on the embarcadero) Teams will have to book a flight to SF international and find their next travel tip outside the airport.

(More teams are seen grabbing their tips and leaving. The Anime Nerds & the Animaniacs are seen getting their tips next)

May: (reads the tip) We’re going back home.

Fabian: Well on the plus side if we get eliminated we only need to take BART home instead of a plane. Not that I want us to loose. (All run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: (her hair is still short) A lot of you are probably wondering what happened after the end of last episode  
\---> Fabian: I wake up on a stretcher inside a helicopter flying to Mexico City. Jordan, May and Sam are at my side. We land at a hospital, I get wheeled into a room and then I get hooked up to an IV machine. Turns out I suffered from something called a Vasovagal Syncope. It was caused by being under hydrated and lack of sleep but I bet the pepper didn’t help either. Once I was fully hydrated and diagnosed they looked at me with an MRI machine for good measure.  
\---> Jordan: Once it was determined there was no brain damage we were allowed to head back to our hotel room. But now we understand the importance of keeping ourselves hydrated right?  
\---> Fabian: Definitely. But might I remind you none of us got any dinner last night.

(Devin and Carrie get their tip next. Devin is holding an ice pack to his head)

Devin: (presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Huh, we’re going to San Francisco.

Carrie: I bet Jordan, Fabian, May and Sam will love this.

Devin: (runs off) Taxi!

Carrie: (runs after him) Wait! Don’t over excerpt yourself!

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: (groaning) What happened? I don’t remember 90% of yesterday.  
\---> Carrie: Turns out you have an allergy to spicy peppers. Wasn’t enough to cause anaphylactic shock but you still acted daffier than the duck of the same name. They gave you some meds and then you went to sleep, then they gave me some back up meds.  
\---> Devin: I didn’t say or do anything I’ll regret did I?  
\---> Carrie: I can’t say for sure but maybe we shouldn’t watch that episode when it premieres.

(Geoff & Brody get their tip last)

Brody: San Francisco? Sweet! I here they’ve got great Chinese food.

Geoff: Let’s double time it! (Both run to catch a cab)

(Confessional)  
\---> Brody: We’re starting off today in last place. Yesterday things got a little messy.  
\---> Geoff: Dude, we crapped on cacti. And frankly that’s a sentence I only wanted to say once.

(All the teams get into taxis and make it to Mexico City International airport. They all book tickets on the next flight to San Francisco. Before the flight takes off we see Devin and Carrie sitting around, Tom and Jen approach them)

Jen: Hey Devin is everything all right?

Devin: I’m getting better that’s a start.

Tom: Are you sure you should be flying in your condition?

Devin: (holds up a pill bottle) Don’t worry I was given some meds to specifically combat this situation. (Reads label) It says I need to take them on a full stomach though.

Carrie: How about I get you a sandwich?

Devin: That sounds great homie. (Carrie gets up and leaves)

Jen: So Devin do you remember anything about yesterday?

Devin: Nothing at all.

Tom: You mean you don’t remember anything you said or did? Like maybe if you confessed your real feelings about someone?

Devin: Nope.

Jen: Okay then.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Weird, Devin doesn’t remember the fact he told me about his crush on Carrie yesterday  
\---> Tom: Maybe that wasn’t him. Maybe that was the pepper talking.  
\---> Jen: No, no, no I’m sure of it.  
\---> Tom: Should we tell Devin or Carrie that we know?  
\---> Jen: Nah, let’s wait until we all go on to the next round 1st.

(Everyone boards the flight and the airplane is seen taking off.)

Don: (voice) All the teams are on the same 5 hour flight to California. Some take this time to rest or strategize.

(The gym rats sit across from the cadets)

MacArthur: Team up with you 2?

Gabriella: Why not? We both hate the ice dancers equally and are their biggest rivals in terms of athleticism.

Nekota: The 4 of us together should easily be able to overpower them and finally send them home.

Sanders: And you know what they say “the enemy of our enemy is our friend”

Macarthur: (ponders) Okay. You got yourself a deal. (Shakes both their hands) But if it comes down to just us 2 you’re going down!

Gabriella: Funny. I was going to say the same thing to you.

MacArthur: I like you already.

(Far behind them we see the ice dancers have heard everything)

Josee: Excellent. The closer they group together the easier it is to chop them all down to size.

(Elsewhere on the plane we see Father/son conversing with the Animanaics and the anime Nerds)

Junior: Thank god you all get to stay in the race. It would’ve really sucked if any of us had to go home because of an injury.

Dwayne: Well any of us save for Jacques and Josee. (To Fabian) Any way are sure you’re okay?

Fabian: I assure you I’m fine now. But being in that hospital bed was really something, really eye opening. That could’ve been my end right then and there in that stable.

Sam: Yeah those 6 hours where scarier than any horror movie. And I’ve seen Japanese horror movies.

May: Really puts it all in perspective about how limited and temporary we all are.

Jordan: I’ll say. As much as I like seeing idiots almost get themselves killed on “World’s Stupidest…” seeing you almost go down permanently was really core shaking. Its times like that you find out if you’re prepared for the inevitable day you wake up next to a dead body. And yet this till won’t stop me from laughing at every episode of Law & Order SVU.

Dwayne: That show’s not a comedy.

Jordan: That’s matter of opinion.

Dwayne: Well on a better note I’m sure you’re all excited to be going back home.

May: Oh Fabian and I didn’t grow up in San Francisco, however the city has always been considered part of our backyard.

Fabian: We grew up in Walnut Creek, about a 45 minute drive away. We currently live in a house on Almond Avenue and the rent’s cheap at only $1000 a month.

Sam: Trust me you don’t wanna know what happened there to make it so cheap.

Fabian: It’s also just a 9 minute drive from the house I grew up in.

Junior: You think we might see your family today?

Fabian: I seriously hope not.

Junior: Wow, you really don’t care for them.

Jordan: You see Junior Fabian’s family is- (She, May and Sam all remember the many “wonderful” moments they’ve shared with Fabian’s family over the years. Jordan and May remember the time his youngest sister Sophia braided their hair together to look like Crazy Eyes from Orange Is the New Black, it wasn’t successful. Sam remembers the time she drew on his sleeping shirtless body with a permanent marker. They all remember the times they’ve had to drive his older younger sisters Alexis and Scarlett places and have had to put up with their loud incomprehensible, decibel shattering conversations. They all then remember the times they’ve had to share a room with his older sister Wendy and were kept up all night by her infernal snoring. They then remember the times his mom and eldest sister Joanna took Jordan to a Raiders game, May to a Giants game and Sam to a Bears game. Jordan remembers the time she got caught up in their wave and was knocked into the row in front her and promptly sat on by a plump man. May remembers the time she took a fly ball to the face and a fight ensued to get the ball. Sam remembers the time their cheering got so enthusiastic it knocked him out of his seat in the nosebleeds and sent him tumbling down the steps and into the guardrail. They all then remember the times they’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of sitting directly across from his father at dinner and he stares at them the way a character in a Stanley Kubrick film would. They find themselves unable to look at him yet also unable to look away. They have to eat dinner awkwardly.) unique in its own very special way.

May: However they were unable to provide Fabian with all the unique necessities he needed to fully mature into a young man. That’s why he moved in with me and my family.

Fabian: And it’s the best decision I’ve made yet.

(The plane is seen landing at San Francisco International. It’s mostly cloudy day in the city. Teams get off and run for the don box)

Don: (voice) The plane has landed and the search for the don box begins.

Emma: (presses the button and reads the tip) All-in. Sail through the golden gate and pass the rock. What does that mean?

Don: (voice) The rock refers to Alcatraz. (We see photos of Alcatraz) Home to such criminals as Al Capone and the Birdman this was America’s most infamous lock up in the 20th century. (We then see photos of the Golden Gate Bridge) And who couldn’t recognize the golden gate bridge, painted a wonderful shade called international orange this was longest suspension bridge in the world until 1964 and is one of the world’s most recognizable structures. (Is seen at the marina of Fisherman's Wharf, in the water are 12 high speed racing yachts) For this all-in teams must take one of these yachts and sail it just beyond the bridge, then sail back into the bay and look for a buoy around Alcatraz that has their next travel tip.

Fabian: To BART people! (People get into the BART train that arrives and departs from the airport. Not everyone gets in the same train cabin. BART takes off)

(Inside the part of BART that has the cadets and the gym rats)

Gabriella: Sailing? Figures we’d have to face the one thing we don’t excel at.

Nekota: Yeah, I grew up in the desert.

Sanders: Well I’m sure if we all work together we’ll all be alright.

(Inside the part of BART with the ice dancers)

Josee: You know what we have to do?

Jacques: Grab the 1st yacht we see? Even if another team is in it?

Josee: No, we need to get to the marina first so I can sabotage 2 of the yachts. Then we sail.

Jacques: Okay.

(Sometime later we see the BART train arrive at the embarcadero station and everyone gets off. They all run up street and start running to the marina at Fisherman’s Wharf. )

Don: (voice) And it’s a race to get their sea legs 1st.

(Marina. The Ice Dancers are the 1st to arrive. Jacques claims a yacht for his team while Josee goes to work sabotaging 2 of the yachts. Once she’s done they take off)

Ice Dancers: Victory!

(The rest of the teams arrive. They all choose a yacht and take off. Except for 2. Whether by fate or by chance the cadets and the gym rats chose the boats the Josee tempered with. The fall into the back of the pack)

Gabriella: (the sail is unable to stay upright by itself) I’m not an expert at this but I don’t think this is supposed to happen. (She literally has to hold the sail in place)

Sanders: (the rudders aren’t working) Ours isn’t working all that well either.

MacArthur: I bet you the million dollars Dorothy Hamill Lecter is behind all this.

Nekota: Perfect. Just perfect.

(Up ahead the rest of the teams are sailing away without a hitch. It goes Ice Dancers, Siblings, Sisters, Anime Nerds, Animaniacs, Father/Son, Surfers, Bloggers and Best Friends.)

Josee: Yes! Things are finally going our way and 1st place will be ours once again soon! (To Jacques) Faster!

Jacques: À ce sujet! (Leans the sail the right way and they go faster)

(The siblings aren’t far behind them)

(Confessional)  
\----> Leo: We have yet to win anything on this show but I think today will finally be our day. And we’re in luck with this challenge. We’ve gone sailing before.  
\----> Annie: That was such a fun summer on Martha ’s Vineyard.

(Behind the siblings the sisters ride the waves)

Kitty: (gets bounced around by the waves) Whoa! Emma could you slow it up a little! I don’t want to fall off.

Emma: Sorry, can’t risk anyone passing us. If necessary just tie yourself to the mast.

Kitty: Sounds good. (Ties herself to the mast of the sail)

(The Animaniacs and Anime nerds race side by side)

May: I’ve seen these waters a million times before but I’d never thought I’d be racing in them.

Fabian: Same! This kind of reminds me of that whale watching trip we took in 2nd grade!

May: I remember that. By the way Ms. Joukoff is doing well.

Fabian: That’s nice to hear.

Sam: Come on hometown glory!

(In the Father/Son’s boat Dwayne is making sure Junior has his life jacket on secure.)

Junior: Dad it’s on, please don’t turn this into another Victoria Falls.

Dwayne: Sorry but I’ve heard these are some of the most unforgiving waters on earth, I just don’t want you falling off.

Junior: I’m gonna be fine. Now I’ll be at the sail while you steer the ship.

Dwayne: Solid plan. (Both go to their respective positions)

(Behind them we see the surfers are having the time of their lives)

Brody: Woo hoo! We’re totally in our element here!

Geoff: Yeah! This city is ours!

Surfers: Woo hoo! (Both sail off)

(Bloggers and Best Friends race side by side)

Tom: (to best friends) Devin are you doing okay?

Devin: I’ll be fine, I don’t get seasick. Then again I don’t go out on the sea all that much so what do I know? (He sees a large sea serpent arise from the water. He screams and steers his boat away from it. Almost crashing into Tom and Jen in the process)

Tom/Jen/Carrie: AAAHH!

Carrie: Devin what was that for?

Devin: Sea serpent!

Jen: What? (Everyone looks around but don’t see anything) There’s no serpent.

Carrie: Devin are you okay? (Devin looks at her. Through his eyes she looks like flower, complete with petals for hair and leaves for hands. The background is colored in pastels and psychedelic rock plays)

Devin: No, I think I’m still suffering some side effects from the pepper.

Carrie: Maybe I should steer the ship.

Devin: That’s sounds good I think I can manage the sail. (They switch positions)

Tom: Get ready to throw the life preserver in case Devin falls into the bay.

Jen: Got it! (Has the preserver in her hands)

(Way further back we see the cadets and the gym rats still sailing at a snail’s pace)

Gabriella: (tries to align the mast) Come on! Stay straight! (The mast moves far to the left where it’s perpendicular to the ship)

MacArthur: (Prays) Oh mighty Poseidon, or Neptune or Triton or whatever you’re called, if you can hear me, smite the ice dancers. (Nothing happens)

Sanders: (is having trouble with her mast) You can pray to Aquaman all you want but it’s not gonna work. (Mast goes far off to the right) Just like this. (Looks down and notices a few bungee cords) Hmm? (Gets an idea) I think I know how to get our masts aligned.

Nekota: If you’ve got something to say, say it now!

Sanders: Do you have any bungee cords on your ship?

Gabriella: (looks around until she finds them and holds them up) Yeah.

Sanders: Okay try and toss one end over to me and then we will work in unison to tie these to our masts and keep them straight and aligned.

MacArthur: Are you sure that will work?

Sanders: When are you one to question the validity of a scheme?

MacArthur: Fair enough.

Gabriella: (gets ready to toss one end of a cord) Here goes everything! (Tosses one end over to Sanders who then loops it around her mast and tosses the end of one of her cords to Gabriella who does the same. This continues until they have a sort of cat’s cradle like thing going on. The masts are pointing north while the bungee cords keep them in place, but it’s still quite delicate and unstable) Okay I think we’ve done it.

Gabriella: How long do you think this will hold?

Sanders: Not as long as we’d want to. Unless we had someone in the middle holding everything.

Nekota: (Gets a determined look on his face) I’ll do it! (Starts climbing up the sail) Take the wheel!

Gabriella: What?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Nekota: I know it’s dangerous but I’m not gonna lose this competition without giving it my all! (Pounds fist into hand)

(Nekota makes his way to the bungee cords he carefully maneuvers himself into the middle and with the sheer strength of his muscles he holds them tightly in place. Enya’s “Only Time” plays)

MacArthur: Dude you just made my respect list! (Gives him the thumbs up)

Sanders: Will you be okay up there?

Nekota: (tries to remain focused) I don’t know! Just steer carefully!

Sanders: That I can do! (To Gabriella) As long as we sail at the same speed the plane of reference should be the same as if we were on dry land.

Gabriella: Thankfully I understand what you said! (Both try and keep a constant speed)

(Further up ahead the ice dancers become the 1st team to sail beyond one of the towers of the Golden Gate)

Josee: 1st place! 1st place!

(Behind them)

Leo: (Steers) Okay Annie just lean it slightly to the right. (Annie does as she’s told) Yes, yes, yes you’re doing great! (The boat moves to the left)

Annie: (looks up and sees people looking down on the water) Hi there! (Waves to them and they wave back) They can see me!

Leo: Annie focus!

Annie: Right! (Resumes her post)

Leo: (keeps his eyes on the ice dancers as the turn around one of the bridges towers) Okay turn left slowly. (Annie does as she’s told) Keep turning, keep turning, keep turning, keep turning.

Jacques: (looks behind himself and sees the siblings catching up to them) Fred and Marilyn are catching up!

Josee: What? How?! (Takes control of the rudder) Faster damnit! (The ship sails faster) Yes!

(The animaniacs and anime nerds are fast encroaching on the towers The surfers, sisters, bloggers, best friends and Father/son follow them in that order while the cadets and gym rats are far behind. Fabian, Jordan, Sam, Geoff, Brody, Carrie and Kitty take the time to wave hello to people over looking them on the bridge. While those 7 teams take time making U turns around the towers of the bridge the siblings and ice dancers are already back in SF bay and sailing to Alcatraz)

Josee: Excellent, the tip next will be ours. (Looks around) Where is it?

Jacques: (notices a red buoy that has the tips on string filaments) On that buoy dangerously close to the jagged rocks that could cut our boat.

Josee: Starboard! (Moves the sail right and the ship goes right)

Jacques: Shouldn’t we be a little more cautious about where we steer our ship?

Josee: Wanna risk someone else passing us? Huh?!

Jacques: I’ll shut up now. (Josee steers the ship to the buoy)

Leo: (can see the red buoy) The next tip is within our sights, be careful around the rocks.

Annie: Got it. (Steers carefully)

(Further back the other teams sail back into SF bay)

(Jacques and Josee are approaching the buoy. Jacques helps Josee lean out and she grabs the tip)

Josee: (the tip is in her hands) Excellent we’ve got the gold! We’re invincible! (A sea lion jumps out of the bay and snatches the tip out of her hands. Both she and Jacques are dumbfounded by what they just saw. They quickly regain composure and look over the left side of the ship to see the sea lion swimming away) Well don’t just stand there take control of the ship! (Gets the life preserver) I’ll lasso that eel.

(Jacques does as he’s told and follows the sea lion)

Leo: (He’s close to the buoy but doesn’t think he can bring the ship in any closer) I don’t know how we can get the tip without sinking our ship. (Suddenly a harbor seal breaches and grabs a tip from the buoy. It then swims over to their yacht on climbs aboard it, presenting the tip to Annie) Well that’ll work.

Annie: (Takes the tip from its mouth) Thank you a lot. (The seal jumps back into the bay)

Leo: So what does it say?

Annie: (reads) All-in. Hippie Graffiti.

(Don is seen walking to the corner of Haight-Ashbury. There’s a huge blank white wall behind him)

Don: In the 60s San Francisco was the capital of the counter culture moment. The summer of love in 67 brought us such shortly lived but iconic musical artists like Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. It also produced a butt load of psychedelic designs and art. (A man who looks very similar to Carlos Santana in the 60s is shown next to some psychedelic prints and spray cans, behind him is a large blank white wall with 11 sections pardoned off) San Francisco is also the capital destination for many graffiti artists. In this all in teams will have to work together to make a psychedelic graffiti design on this wall. Once this local finds their design as groovy enough he’ll give them their next travel tip. (Offers a high 5) Slide me some skin man!

Man: You got it soul brother! (Reciprocates)

Annie: We got to sail back to the marina and then head to Haight-Ashbury.

Leo: On it! (Steers the boat back to the Marina)

(The ice dancers are still chasing that sea lion)

Josee: I don’t know who you think you are but NOBODY or NOTHING gets between me and my gold medal! (Tosses the life preserver and rings the pinniped) Bingo! (Reels him in onto the boat) Give me that! (Takes the tip out its mouth and slaps it for good measure) You’re lucky you caught me on a good day, otherwise I’d be much nastier. (Suddenly a bunch of big male sea lions hop onto the boat looking quite angry)

Jacques: Josee I think you should apologize.

Josee: Apologize for what? They’re not even primates, which means their brains are far too simple to- AAAHH! (Is interrupted as the sea lions use their flippers to repeatedly spank her and Jacques)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: I hope those seals just realized they became a threatened species. As in threatened by me!  
\---> Producer: (off screen voice) Technically those were sea lions.  
\---> Josee: Like I care for proper taxonomy. What am I a zoo keeper?!

(Back at Alcatraz more teams are approaching the buoy)

Emma: Okay how do we get the tip?

Kitty: To bad I don’t have my selfie stick. 

Emma: Guess we’ll just have to be extra careful. (Steers the boat very close to the rocks and the buoy) Do you think you can grab it?

Kitty: Yeah I think I can! (Gets out onto the far end of the hydrofoils, she reaches and gets the tip and heads back onto the main part of the boat) Got it!

Emma: Nice! Now let’s get back to shore. (Sails back to the marina)

(The Animaniacs are next ones to get the tip. Fabian steers the boat while Jordan stands out on the hydrofoils and gets the tip for her team)

Fabian: Nice, that went off without a hitch.

Jordan: (reads tip) Oh Haight-Ashbury. Psychedelic.

(May is on the edge of the hydrofoils attempting to grab a tip but as she holds it in her hands a sea gull snatches it and flies off. However a life preserver is thrown around it and it’s reeled in by Sam)

May: Thanks man you’re a real bacon saver.

Sam: I know, I know. (Gets the tip and sets the gull free)

(The bloggers, surfers and Father/Son approach the buoy next. Jen, Brody and Junior stand out on the edge of the hydrofoils and they all grab tips for their teams. They all head to the marina)

(Carrie steers her teams boat to the buoy next)

Carrie: (thinking to herself) Okay do I let Devin take control of the ship and potentially strand us on the rocks or risk him falling into the bay? Eh I’m sure he can control this boat for just a few moments. (Out loud) Devin I need you to take the helm while I get the tip.

Devin: Okay. (Assumes the steer of the ship)

Carrie: (walks out onto the edge of the hydrofoil and reaches for the tip, successfully snatching it.) I got it Devin, let’s get back to shore. (No response) Devin? (Looks at Devin and sees that Devin is petting a sleeping seal pup like it’s a puppy)

Devin: Shh. The baby is sleeping.

Carrie: (shrugs and redirects the sail towards the Marina)

(Marina. Leo and Annie are docking at the docks. They get off their boat without a hitch)

Leo: Come on let’s go! (they run)

(Shortly after they leave Jacques and Josee arrive, kind of roughed up from their encounter with the sea lions. They get their boat docked as soon as possible)

Josee: I now officially hate marine mammals.

Jacques: I’m surprised you were able to fling those things off the boat like that.

Josee: If we don't come in 1st again you’re gonna see a whole new trick you didn’t know I could do. (Jacques gets off the boat and runs to Haight-Ashbury quickly) Good call. (She follows him)

(Back at the Golden Gate Bridge the joint effort of the cadets and the gym rats have finally made it to one of the bridge’s towers.)

Gabriella: How are you doing Nekota?

Nekota: (strained) Do I have to answer?!

Sanders: Don’t worry it’s a simple U turn and then a straight shot to Alcatraz. 

MacArthur: Just keep holding on. (Both she and Gabriella slowly maneuver their boats to do a synchronized U turn)

(The rest of the teams arrive at the marina and dock their boats. The all run off to Haight-Ashbury. At Haight-Ashbury the ice dancers and siblings are the first 2 teams to arrive)

Josee: First!

Leo: Not the chill zone so premature celebration. (Notices the judge) Are you our judge?

Man: Correctamundo. (Gives both teams their spray cans and surgical masks) Here’s your equipment, go wild and show me something I haven’t seen before.

(Both teams put the masks on and start spraying the walls)

Annie: Do we have a strategy here?

Leo: Yeah, I’m gonna let you take the helm. You’re always drawing cute pastel images so this’ll be a cinch for you.

Annie: Really? (Leo nods in approval) Nice I’ve got this totally perfect idea. I’ll do the main colors while you do the details. (Starts spraying rough lines with the white paint)

Josee: (scoffs at her)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Not to be braggadocios but I was an exemplary art student, then again I’m exemplary in everything I do. My paintings even got put into a temporary exhibit in Canada’s finest art museum. She’s got no chance against me.

(The rest of the teams are shown running through Pier 39’s attractions)

Fabian: (points things out as his alliance runs with Father/Son) There’s the chocolate factory, there’s the SF dungeon, there’s the wax museum, there’s the rainforest café, there’s the Ripley’s believe it or not museum-(cut off)

Jordan: Fabian I know how much you love being a tourist here but we have to focus on the race.

Fabian: Sorry but it’s just so good to be back home!

Carrie: (is running while holding Devin’s hand) Devin do you think you’re feeling better?

Devin: Yeah I actually think I’m back to normal. (A bush reaches out and grabs at him) AAHH! (Trips and falls) Or maybe not.

May: Oh don’t worry about him that’s just the bush man.

Bush man: (laughs like a mischievous little kid)

Devin: (sarcastic) Nice. (Gets back up and continues running)

Tom: (looks around) Oh it’s all so beautiful. Right Jen? (Looks back but can’t find Jen, he looks further back notices she’s staring into the window of an upscale gift shop) Jen! (Runs back to her) What are doing?

Jen: The statues, the antiques, the baubles, they’re all so pretty. And everything’s at such a discount. (Points to the poster sign detailing an “Up to 70% off on everything in the store” sale)

Tom: We don’t have time to shop now, we need to check in at the chill zone, and then we shop. (Pries her away from the window and carries her as he runs)

Kitty: (takes multiple selfies as she runs)

Emma: Should you really be doing that now of all times?

Kitty: Hey this entire city is so photogenic how can I not?

Brody: (notices the Wipeout bar & grill along with the psychedelic undersea artwork for sale by the street vendors in addition to the surfboards for sale) Dude I think we’re home.

Geoff: Any place where Bridgette is at is home to me. Though this place probably comes in at a close 2nd.

(The gym rats and police cadets are approaching the buoy for their tips. Sanders reaches out from the edge of the hydrofoil and gets 2 tips, one for her team and one for the gym rats. She and Gabriella read them)

Gabriella: Okay Nekota don’t worry we just need to make it to the marina and you can get down.

Nekota: (strained) Great.

MacArthur: Onward! (Both carefully direct their ships to the marina)

(Back at Haight-Ashbury. The Ice Dancers are mostly done with their art mural which shows frost fairies with snowflakes for wings and tutus skating and freezing across a pond.)

Josee: Excellent. We’re almost done which means we’ll get a head start over those off off off Broadway stars.

Jacques: (stares in disbelief to his left) Josee. (Points to his left)

Jose: (gasps and stares in belief)

(The siblings mural is done and being inspected by the judge. It’s huge and depicts cute little chibi versions of the whole damn cast, even those who’ve been eliminated, dressed as hippies and dancing in a happy, sunny, flowery field.)

Annie: (awaits the judge’s approval, she’s covered in various colors)

Judge: I gotta say this one of the most adorable murals I’ve ever seen. Good job. (Gives them their tip)

Annie: Yay! (Grabs it and she and Leo read it) Find you next tip in the lair of the white leather.

Leo: I have absolutely no idea what that means.

(The California Academy of Sciences)

Don: (is walking inside the museum) The CAS is one of the world’s foremost environmental architectural achievements in addition to being one of the largest natural history museums in the world. The white leather is located here all right. (He stops in front of the alligator exhibit) Meet Claude, (The camera focuses on Claude, tips surround him) the world’s most famous albino after Moby dick and the Winter brothers. Getting his tip is as simple as stepping inside, but did I mention he’s an alligator? (Claude growls at the camera)

Leo: Come on let’s go! (They run)

Josee: (to Jacques) Well what are you slacking off for?! Finish this mural! (Both start quickly putting the finishing touches on their mural)

(More teams arrive and start spray painting)

Carrie: Come on Devin this’ll be a lot of fun. Just put your mask on and start painting whatever comes to mind.

Devin: (looks at the blank wall and suddenly experiences another trip. Psychedelic rock plays as vibrant colors fill the wall. He knows what he has to do. He takes 2 aerosol cans and starts spraying) Carrie you color the grass, I’ve got the main picture.

Carrie: Okay then. (Complies)

(Elsewhere)

Leo: I figure if we get a city map then perhaps that’ll help find this white leather easier. (Looks behind himself and notices Annie’s far behind) What’s the matter with you?

Annie: (kind of sleepy) Nothing it’s just… you don’t paint a mural everyday so when you do it tends to take a lot out of you. And you just- (Looks as though she’s gonna fall over but Leo catches her before she does)

Leo: No. No don’t fall asleep now. (It’s too late) Okay this isn’t that much of a setback, I can do this. (Runs off carrying Annie)

(Back at the marina the gym rats and the cadets finally dock their boats)

Gabriella: Finally, we’re back on solid ground.

Sanders: Now let’s all make our ways to Haight-Ashbury. 

Nekota: (exhausted) Core muscles too sore. Can’t walk. Must rest. (Falls to the ground)

Gabriella: (Picks him up) Don’t worry I’ve got him.

MacArthur: Then let’s roll! (All of them run off)

(Back at the mural challenge the ice dancers are done. The judge gives them their tip and they leave. The remaining teams continue spray painting.)

Devin: (adds some finishing touches) Done! (He steps back to look at his work. His mural depicts an earth goddess that looks very similar to Carrie. Her womb is clear and shows a scene of rabbits prancing amongst lambs. Her hair looks like heavenly clouds, it even has a couple of flowers in it. Her legs are 2 tree trunks whose petal laden branches form a cherry blossom skirt. Her bodice and arms are green and mossy. Her face/head looks like a peach rose, her eye lashes are the leaves of the Japanese maple and her eyes are two beautiful dew drops.)

Carrie: (stunned) Whoa.

Other racers: (Stunned) Wow.

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: Okay I may no longer analyze every little thing Devin does to see if it’s a sign that he likes me but nobody can deny that that was so touching.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: Now do you believe me about Devin reciprocating Carrie’s affections?   
\---> Tom: 100%. If that doesn’t scream “I love you” I don’t know what does.

Judge: (looks at the mural)

Devin: So do we get the tip?

Judge: Totally man! (Gives them the tip)

Carrie: All right we can go! (Runs off)

Devin: (prepares to run off but the judge interrupts him)

Judge: Hey. Don’t let her be the one that got away. (Winks at him)

Devin: Okay then. (Runs off to catch up to Carrie) So did you like my mural?

Carrie: Definitely. I didn’t know that’s how you saw me.

Devin: Well you’re a great muse for inspiration.

Carrie: You even included lambs and bunnies, 2 of my favorite animals together.

Devin: Yeah, you’re welcome for that. So… (Tries to change the subject) What does the tip say?

Carrie: (reads it) It says we have to find our next tip amongst white leather. Whatever that means.

(Back at the murals the anime nerds show the judge their mural. May is night and Sam is the day. May is dark purple and her hair is full of stars while the moon is her eye, crows and bats fly beside her. Sam's is blue while the sun is his eye, clouds form his ear, his hair is like tall grass and there’s even a Monterey cypress with a swing on his head, his skin is like cracked mud and water canals form the shapes of his tattoos. Their tongues are 2 snakes tied together in a mating embrace)

Judge: (gives them their tip)

Sam: Yes! Should we wait for Fabian and my sister?

May: If I know Fabian we won’t have to waste any time at all.

Jordan: (whistles for the judge) Hey. What do you think?

(Their mural shows the two of them flying through the sky on pegasi. Fabian is riding one that has the colors of the male golden peasant while Jordan is riding one that has the colors of the male lady amherst peasant. The judge happily gives them the tip)

Fabian: Nice!

May: Told ya.

(Kitty and Emma’s mural shows the 2 of them taking a selfie. They look normal enough but the phone’s screen shows them in a myriad of wonderful colors and with a psychedelic setting behind them. Tom and Jen’s mural shows them as fairies painting the wings of butterflies with psychedelic designs. Geoff and Brody's mural shows them, and Bridgette, as merpeople in the psychedelic sea, all of them are playing instruments as a crab conducts a sea creature orchestra next to an octopus' garden. Dwayne and Junior’s mural shows everybody, sans the ice dancer, as tropical birds having a party in the rain forest. The judge gives them all tips)

Fabian: (calls out to father and son) Dwayne, Junior come and follow us. We know where the leather is precisely.

Dwayne: Then lead the way.

Emma: Follow them! (Father/son and sisters follow Anime Nerds & Animaniacs. The bloggers and surfers also run off)

(We see Leo being confronted by a police officer while carrying Annie)

Leo: Officer let me assure you there’s perfectly good explanation as to why I’m carrying a sleeping woman covered in spray paint.

(Elsewhere we see the ice dancers enter a city tour travel agency)

Josee: (to the attendant) Okay lackey, where can we find white leather in this city?

Attendant: San Francisco has a wide variety of shopping malls that offer leather purses in all colors (gives them a map)

Josee: (looks through the map feverishly) Where’s the shopping district?

Jacques: (notices something) Josee look! (Points to a small picture of Claude and a brief explanation of Cal Academy)

Josee: (reading) Come to the California Academy of Sciences and experience the living roof, the aquarium, the planetarium and see the rare albino alligator! Victory thy name is gold! (Both run out of the agency)

Attendant: Hey you need to pay for that map. (A bunch of coins are tossed at her face)

Ice Dancers: (off screen) Happy!?

(At the murals the cadets and gym rats finally arrive. Gabriella is still carrying Nekota bridal style)

Sanders: (reads the tip) We must paint a psychedelic mural.

MacArthur: I thought cops were supposed to beat the hippies. Not paint with them.

Sanders: Don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect idea. (She and MacArthur get to work)

Gabriella: As do I. (Wakes Nekota up)

Nekota: (a little drowsy) Wha?

Gabriella: (sets him down) We need to paint a hippie mural and I’m putting you in charge.

Nekota: Why me?

Gabriella: Everybody knows that Native American art was a key inspiration for the hippie artstyle. And you’re the resident expert of Amerindians here.

Nekota: Now that you mention it, I do have an idea.

Gabriella: Excellent. (Both start getting to work on spray painting)

(Cal Academy. Father/Son, Animaniacs, Anime Nerds, & Sisters arrive)

Junior: So that’s the Academy of Sciences?

Fabian: Yeah, isn’t it just wonderful? But how are we going to get in without money?

Sam: Probably the same way we got into the theme park in Japan, use the bar code at the bottom of the tip. (The ice dancers run past them) And we should probably do it before those 2 make it to the chill zone first again. (All of them run to the entrance)

Josee: (shows the cashier their tip) Come on! Come on already! (Cashier scans tip and they go inside)

Fabian: (His team is up next, followed by anime nerds, Father/Son, and sisters) Here’s my admission. (Cashier scans tip and an alarm goes off) Oh no what did I do?! (Is lead inside the museum by 2 men, he’s then presented with a celebratory plaque, 2 museum officials and a man in Claude the alligator mascot suit arrive to greet him) What’s happening?!

Museum official 1: You sir are the academy’s 10 millionth visitor! (Cheer and applause from other museum attendees)

Fabian: (can’t believe it) Really?!

Museum official 2: Yes. You’ve won museum membership for life along with an exclusive behind the scenes tour of the museum.

Fabian: (speechless. He grips Jordan and starts to cry out of happiness)

Ice dancers: (they’ve watched this all unfold and look very unhappy)

Jacques: I can’t believe it. That could’ve been us!

Josee: Oh let him have that. He’s not going to win this leg or this competition. (Both run off)

Photographer: (all 4 teams are seen posing for a photo alongside the Alligator mascot and the museum officials) Say cerebellum cortex.

Everybody: Cerebellum cortex!

(Snaps photo. The photo shows Fabian happy beyond his wildest dreams, nothing else matter right now.)

May: Congratulations man I know the academy means something extra special to you and now you’ve got something to show for it.

Fabian: (trying to regain composure) I’m so happy!

Jordan: As nice as this is, we’ve got a competition to win. And $1 million.

Fabian: Right. To Claude! (All run off)

(Elsewhere in Golden Gate Park we see Leo and Annie sitting on a bench. Annie is still asleep but she starts to wake up)

Annie: (drowsy) Where are we?

Leo: Golden Gate Park.

Annie: How long have I been out?

Leo: Not too long, I just stopped here so you could get some proper sleep.

Annie: Sorry about that Leo but, that mural really did a number on me. Did you figure out where the white leather is?

Leo: Actually yes. It’s the albino alligator at Cal Academy.

Annie: Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go. (Gets up and starts running)

Leo: Wait. (Runs after her) I’ve got the map of golden gate park!

(Cal Academy. All 5 teams are at Claude’s enclosure. There are several tips surrounding him. He growls at them)

May: Claude seems more angry than normal. How are we going to get those tips?

Josee: (dives into the enclosure and subdues the alligator) Jacques, get the tip I’ve got him subdued!

Jacques: (climbs down into the enclosure and picks up a tip. At the same time an alligator snapping turtle bites down on his left bicep) AHHH!

Josee: Oh come on! (Tosses Claude to the wayside, pries the turtle off Jacque’s bicep and tosses it into the water) There!

Jacques: Thank you Josee. (Reads tip) Make your way to the chill zone at Crissy field.

(Crissy field. It’s a bit windy)

Don: Crissy field was once a US army airfield but today it’s a beautiful part of the national park service. (Gestures to the panoramic view of the Golden Gate Bridge and the Marin Headlands in the background) Just look at that view! (Stands by the chillzone) It’s also today’s chill zone. Last team here may be taking a Jefferson airplane back home.

(Cal Academy)

Josee: (tosses Jacques out of the enclosure, then she climbs up and both start to run) So long gatorade!

Junior: Well that’s one version of plan A. But what are the rest of us gonna do?

May: (gets an idea) I think I know. (Climbs into Claude’s enclosure)

Dwayne: What is she doing?

Sam: Something awesome.

May: (comes face to face with Claude. She eyes him down and with misdirection of her hand she gets him to lay on his back as she pets his stomach like a puppy) Alligator safely subdued, get the tips Sam.

Sam: Getting. (Climbs down into the enclosure and gets enough tips for every team.) Little help here? (Is helped out of the enclosure)

May: Me too. (Is also helped out of the enclosure) Now off to Crissy field!

(Elsewhere we see the bloggers catch up to the best friends)

Carrie: Oh hi Tom and Jen nice of you to catch up to us.

Tom: Well we still are sort of working together.

Jen: But does anyone know where we can find white leather. I highly doubt it’s some sort of purse, even though I would love it to be.

Carrie: I’m still clueless. Devin what about you? (Devin hasn’t been paying any attention, his focus is on a tour bus with an image of Claude painted on it. He stares into its eyes, music plays similar to that Art Institute of Chicago scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) Devin?

Devin: I know where the white leather is. (Hops aboard the bus and it takes off)

Carrie: Devin! We’ve got to catch up to that bus! (Hears a whistle and turns to see tom and Jen next to a taxi)

Tom: Hop in! (Carrie joins them)

Jen: (Points the taxi river in the direction of the bus) Follow that tour bus. We’ve got a friend on it. (Driver does as he’s told)

(Cal Academy. Leo and Annie arrive and run over to the alligator exhibit)

Leo: (looks down) Okay the tips are here but how do we get them?

Annie: Leave it to me.

Leo: You are not climbing in with that thing.

Annie: Whoever said I was climbing in? (Speaks to Claude) Hey there big guy, I can imagine you can get pretty bored here just sitting around and having people stare at you but you’d be doing us a big favor if you gave me one of those tips in your enclosure. Please? Do it and I promise I’ll use some of my winnings to help your relatives in the wild.

Claude: (amazingly the gator complies. He grabs a tip in his mouth and then leaps up to Annie and gives her the tip)

Annie: Thank you! (Claude falls back down and she reads the tip) The chill zone is at Crissy Field. Come on! (Both run off) Thank you Claude!

Claude: (Growls “You’re Welcome” back to her)

(Mural Challenge)

Sanders: (adds the finishing touches) And done! (She and MacArthur step back) What do you think?

(Their mural shows a scene reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland. Annie is Alice as she falls down the psychedelic rabbit hole, other characters surround her in a swirl. Josee is the Queen of Hearts, holding Jacques’ severed head I might add, Geoff is the Mad Hatter, Brody is the March Hair, Junior is the sleepy dormouse, Devin is the White Rabbit, Carrie/Jen are the gossiping flowers, Sanders is the White queen, MacArthur is slaying the Jabberwocky, Sam is the caterpillar, May is the Cheshire cat, Dwayne is the dodo, Emma and Kitty are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, Jordan is the Unicorn, Gabriela is the lion, Nekota is the Red King, and Fabian and Leo are the Mock Turtle and Griffin respectively.)

MacArthur: If he doesn’t like it I’d be happy to reenact the protest era for him. (Cracks knuckles) Where is he?

(They turn and see the judge giving Gabriella and Nekota their tip. Their mural depicts Navajo sand figures splashing about in a rainbow puddle)

Gabriella: (reads tip) Find your next tip in the lair of the white leather. Let’s find a local who knows what this means.

Nekota: Sorry girls but it looks like it’s you rather than us. (They run off)

MacArthur: (calling out) That’s what you think! (The judge finally examines their mural, he gives them the tip) Let’s hustle! (They run off)

(Crissy field)

(The Ice dancers arrive and see the chill zone as plain as day in the middle of the grass. They run right onto it.)

Josee: (she hugs Jacques and they jump up and down) Yes! Gold is ours again at long last!

Don: Well it would be if you didn’t sabotage 2 of the yachts so… (A big red 30:00 appears on the screen and begins to count down.) Enjoy.

Josee: No matter, this won’t make us loose our spot. There’s no way the other teams can possibly run as fast as us.

(Cal Academy)

(We see Geoff has jerry rigged a tip catching device by combining a sticky octopus toy with a toy fishing rod.)

Brody: (directing him) Okay you’re good, you’re good, you’re good. (The octopus has its tentacles on a tip) You got it! Now just reel it in nice and slow.

Geoff: (reels in the tip slowly and carefully and then all of a sudden an alligator snapping turtle lunges and bites onto the hook) Oh no!

Brody: It’s okay! It’s okay! You’ve still got the tip! Just reel it in slowly. (Geoff does as he’s told) Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. (The turtle is reeled up to their level) Gotcha! (Brody pries the turtle off the tip) Where do we need to go now?

Geoff: (reads it) Crissy field!

Brody: By little guy. (Throws him back into the water and they run)

(Back at Crissy field, Don waits on the Chill Zone while Josee and Jacques stand outside while their penalty burns out.)

Josee: See? No one’s around. This penalty is going to be worthless.

Don: (notices something off in the distance) I don’t think so. Here come some more teams.

(We see the Animaniacs, Anime Nerds and Father/Son running to the chillzone in that order)

May: Next round here we all come! (Cheers)

Dwayne: And I think the Ice Dancers obtained another penalty, which means 1st place is still up for grabs

Jordan: (her team’s in the lead) And it looks like we’re gonna win again.

Fabian: In what’s technically part of my hometown no less. (Turns around and sees Leo and Annie running behind them. Suddenly he feels like he has to do something.) Stop! (He stops just inches from the chill zone and so does everyone else behind him)

Junior: Why aren’t we on the chillzone?

Fabian: Because San Francisco has made so many of my dreams come true that I think it’s time for it to do the same for someone else. (Annie and Leo run pass them and onto the chill zone)

Other 5: Aww.

Don: Leo and Annie you take first place! For the 1st time!

(The siblings cheer and hug each other)

Don: And for winning you 2 get the ultimate San Francisco getaway! 5 nights at Holiday in at Fisherman’s Warf, dinner at Bubba Gums, dessert at Ghirardelli, a tour of the wax museum, Cal academy, SF zoo, Walt Disney Museum, Exploratorium, Muir woods, De Young Museum, SF MOMA, free cruise around the bay and a trip to the aquarium of the bay. (The 3 teams who stopped before hand step onto the carpet of completion) Meanwhile Animaniacs take 2nd, Anime nerds take 3rd, and Father/son 4th.

May: (to Fabian) Wow man. I can’t believe you gave up the ultimate stay-cation for 2 people you only marginally know.

Sam: Yeah. I thought you said you were an ass.

Fabian: Well I just thought “They’ve deserved it. They’re good people”

Dwayne: There are good people.

Jordan: You’re just full of surprises aren’t you? (Tassels his hair)

(Josee just stands there and stares in disbelief)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Okay I knew he was stupid but I didn’t know he was that much of a fracking idiot! Who willingly gives up first place?! They’ll never win the million with that attitude!

(Cal Academy)

(Devin’s bus arrives and he gets off)

Devin: (snaps back to normal) What? (Looks around and realizes he’s all alone) Carrie? Tom? Jen? (Sees a cab pull up and out of it comes Carrie, Tom and Jen) Guys! (Runs up to them as the taxi takes off) How’d I get here?

Jen: You must’ve been in some sort of weird state of being because you just got on the bus. Good thing we got that taxi to follow you or otherwise we’d all be wandering the streets for who knows how long.

Devin: Oh, sorry about that but on the plus side I’m positive the tip is here.

Tom: Well let’s get it already. (All walk up the museum steps)

(Crissy field)

(Emma and Kitty arrive on the chillzone next)

Don: Sisters take 5th! (They cheer) What even happened to you 2? I thought you were behind them?

Emma: We were but we stopped to get a drink and found these people who offered us free tea.

Kitty: We don’t know what happened next but somehow we wound up at the Palace of Fine Arts.

Don: Okay then.

(Cal Academy. The bloggers and BFs arrive at Claude’s exhibit and see the tips scattered about)

Carrie: How are we gonna get those tips without getting bitten?

Tom: (looks at the gift shop and notices some elastic wristbands and those animal head puppets that you pull a lever to open their mouths) I got an idea! (A little while later we see Tom has tied several of those toys together by using the elastic wristbands. Each handle is now in the mouth of the proceeding puppet head) It should work. (Presses the lever on the bottom head and the head at the end opens and closes) Soup’s on!

Jen: Nice going Tom!

Tom: Now to get our tips. (Tom lowers the device into the exhibit ad successfully manages to snag a tip for his team and the BFs) 

Devin: (reads it) We've got to go to Crissy field.

Carrie: Well let’s run! (They run off)

(Outside the museum we see Gabriella and Nekota have arrived)

Gabriella: (looks around) Well we’re here but the cadets aren’t.

Nekota: Well at least we get to stay around but it’s a shame we lose our other half. (They walk up to the entrance but hear tires screeching and turn around to see a tour bus come to an abrupt stop in front of CAL Academy. MacArthur and Sanders walk off it)

Sanders: I still think a cab would’ve been fine.

MacArthur: What I got us here in record time and I gave those tourists a tour of the city they’ll never forget. (We see many of the tourists on that bus are either scared silly or scared senseless)

Gabriella: Typical MacArthur.

(Crissy Field)

Don: (the surfers arrive) Surfers take 6th! (They high 5) And the ice dancers still have 2 minutes left on their penalty. (Camera pans over to the impatient Ice Dancers)

(CAL Academy)

(Both the cadets and gym rats stand over the alligator enclosure)

Sanders: What are we gonna do?

MacArthur: Leave this to me. (Dives into the enclosure and issues a “bring it!” move to Claude, he just gives her the tips instead) Thank you for complying with the police. (Climbs back up out of the enclosure and gives one of the tips to Gabriella)

Gabriella: Thanks.

MacArthur: It’s the least I could do since we’re beating you.

Nekota: You mean we’re beating you. (He and Gabriella run off with the cadets not far behind)

(Crissy field)

(0:00. The Ice Dancers' penalty is over)

Don: Penalty over! (Josee and Jacques walk onto the Chill Zone) Ice Dancers take seventh place!

Josee: How is that worse than last time?!

Don: You’re petty and heartless?

Junior: (looks around) Hey May do you know where Sam and my dad are?

May: Sam took your dad for a bit of sprucing up.

Junior: Like what?

Sam: (off screen) Like this.

(Junior turns around to see Sam and his dad are back. We see that Sam got his tattoos re-inked while Dwayne’s “girl tattoo” is modified to more closely resemble a tribal jaw piece)

Junior: Whoa. What did you do?

Sam: I just thought while I was in the city why not get myself re-inked at my favorite tattoo shop?

Dwayne: And he brought me along to get my tattoo fixed.

Junior: But didn’t all that ink cost a fortune?

Sam: Under normal circumstances yes but the shop owner is indebted to me because I made his bestselling design.

Dwayne: Well what do you think now Junior, not a girl anymore right?

Junior: Nah. Not at all.

Don: (The bloggers and bf’s arrive) And that’s 8th place for Tom/Jen and 9th place for Devin/Carrie.

Tom: Yes! Another day closer to $1 million.

Jen: Hey Carrie, you and Devin want to go shopping with us?

Carrie: Actually I think I’d like that very much.

Devin: Yeah it would be nice to go out amongst friends.

Carrie: But let’s wait until the last team is here. I’ve got a feeling we’re going to say goodbye to a good team today.

Jen: Fair enough. (They all wait for the last 2 teams to arrive)

(We see the cadets and gym rats in a race to the chill zone, knowing they’re going to have to take the other team out despite the fact they seriously don’t want to. They run through the presidio and can see the chill zone over the peak of a hill. Both teams run with all they got, it’s a close one but…)

Don: And taking 10th place are the cadets! (MacArthur and Sanders cross the finish line before Gabriella and Nekota) Gym rats I’m sorry to say but this is where you leave us. Real shame though I thought you 2 were going to make it farther.

Gabriella: (sighs) Well…damn.

Nekota: Yeah. Damn.

MacArthur: Sorry to beat ya but I’m sure you understand.

Sanders: We really do respect both of you as competitors.

Nekota: As do we. (Both he and Gabriella shake their hands)

Annie: (waves) Bye guys I really wish you could stay around.

Leo: (waves) Good luck in your Olympic dreams.

Gabriella: (they wave good bye) Nice meeting all of you. Jacques and Josee, burn in hell.

Josee: Right back at you.

(Almost everyone waves them good bye as they leave the show)

Don: (To the camera) Well so ends another team’s journey. How many more penalties will Jacques and Josee rack up? Find out next time on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera)

=== Best of Gabriella and Nekota === (A slideshow of the gym rats best moments from the Ridonculous Race are shown. Gabriella and Nekota voice over as it happens)

Gabriella: (voice) Well that’s not at all like I thought it was going to go.

Nekota: (voice) You’re telling me. It would hurt a little less if we won at least one leg but we didn’t even achieve that. In spite of that I loved doing this. This was such a fun experience.

Gabriella: (voice) Yeah I guess it was fun. What between the tomato fight in Spain, the safari in Africa, swimming in Hawaii, racing along the Great Wall, trekking across the Galapagos, sailing through Venice, hang gliding across Rio de Janero, and perusing the catacombs in Paris.

Nekota: (voice) My favorite part was donkey racing through Mexico.

Gabriella: (voice) My favorite part was finding the albino bunny in Australia.

Nekota: (voice) Sorry we didn’t get that revenge on the ice dancers like you said.

Gabriella: (voice) Oh I got my revenge all right. If today was any indication Josee will be lucky to land a sponsorship deal for hemorrhoid cream once this race is over. Meanwhile we will not only make it to the Olympics, we will win gold and we will do it with grace and dignity. And even if we don't win gold we will be a model example for team USA. And really, living a better life than your enemy is the best revenge of all.

Nekota: (voice) You stole that from my Tibetan philosophy book didn’t you?

Gabriella: (voice) Yeah. (They laugh)

(We now see them walking across SF Maritime National Historic Park as the sun sets)

Nekota: What do you want to do now?

Gabriella: Let’s get some Ghirardelli. We’ve earned it.

Nekota: Oh yes we have. (Both walk to Ghirardelli and the episode ends)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> California Dreamin' it's just another day. This chapter was insane. I was really looking forward to writing this chapter since I live so close to the city it's like a 2nd home. I loved describing the city in all it's details, I just wish I could've had them go through the zoo, that's my favorite attraction. You all get an explanation as to what happened to me at Madame Tussaud's and what happened to Fabian last time. Devin is still trippin' on the pepper from last episode. Leo and Annie finally win a leg while Gabriela and Nekota become another fallen OC team, I think I missed a few opportunities with them. Favorite part this chapter: The murals. 
> 
> Next episode: Vietnam
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Leo & Annie (1st Place)   
> Fabian & Jordan (2nd Place)  
> Sam & May (3rd Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (4th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (5th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (6th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (7th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (8th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (9th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (10th Place) 
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th place)   
> Crimson & Ennui (12th place)   
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owenn & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	27. Ca-noodling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 10 remaining teams morph into 2 super teams as they go catfishing in Vietnam.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, we traveled to the colorful city of San Francisco. Devin was still tripping on peppers while May and Fabian did their hometown proud. After a quick cruise, an art festival and a trip to the museum, 3 teams actually gave up first place to Annie and Leo, it's times like that make this show something special. On the flip side the ice dancer’s nefarious behavior meant the gym rats got sent home. (He’s seen at the Crissy field chill zone from last episode) What’s in store for our remaining teams? Find out today here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera with a glare) 

(Intro plays)

(Don stands in front of the Chill Zone in San Francisco. Leo and Annie stand in front with everyone else behind them. There's a Don Box next to them.)

Don: It’s time to leave our hearts in San Francisco. Siblings you get to take the first tip.

Leo: I know.

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: We can’t thank Fabian enough for letting us take the win yesterday. I don’t know a lot of people who would do that but today we are determined to win something for ourselves  
\---> Annie: It’s nice to see that this race hasn’t changed some people. Emphasis on some.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: (is seen growling like a Pitbull)

Leo: (Presses the button and gets the tip) Travel to Can Tho, Vietnam.

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of Vietnam) Can Tho, not just the great name for a superhero movie villain but also the largest city in Vietnam’s thriving Mekong Delta. (We see a fishing village on the delta where a bunch of big catfish are seen splashing about) Teams will find their next tip here along the Mekong River. Where the fish are plentiful and pungent. (A local arrives with a very big, smelly fish next to Don. He covers his nose) Get that thing away from me!

(Back in America more teams get their tips and travel to the airport and book passage on a flight. The plane takes off)

Don: (voice) All the teams are on the same flight to Vietnam. When they land it’ll be a race to find taxis. (The plane lands and teams scramble to find taxis)

Tom/Jordan/May: Come on! /Run! /Taxi! (They all get into taxis and take off. The sisters and the surfers are the only ones still at the airport)

Emma: (groans) Great. No cabs.

Geoff: (pointing) Well check those out. (The camera motions to 2 kids on bicycle powered rickshaws)

Brody/Geoff: Wicked! (They both run and get into a rickshaw)

Geoff: Drive us to the Can Tho River little dude. (The kid starts pedaling)

Kitty: (taking a selfie with the other kid) Well when in Vietnam. (Snaps photo)

Emma: I don’t think this kid’s fast enough.

Kitty: Like you’re got a better plan?

Emma: (ponders) Actually, I think I might.

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Now that I’m completely off Noah I can focus 100% on the race.  
\---> Kitty: I still haven’t decided if this is a good thing or not.

(We see Kitty is the one driving the rickshaw while Emma and the kid sit on the seat)

Emma: Come on Kitt, put your back into it!

Kitty: Trust me! I AM! (Continues to pedal)

(At the Mekong River the first 2 taxis to arrive are the ones with the Cadets and Ice Dancers. Both get out and run)

Josee: Bye! See you at the finish line! Oh wait, no I won’t!

MacArthur: That’s what you think! (Tackles them while Sanders gets the tip)

Sanders: (presses the button and gets the tip) Well you’re all not going to like this. It's a Super-Team Challenge. 5 teams must work together and noodle catfish.

MacArthur: Pardon?

Don: (he's seen on a boat in the delta) Catfish noodling. It’s a local technique in which fingers are used as bait for monster sized catfish. (A local is shown demonstrating this technique. Don is now seen on a dock next to 2 boats) In this challenge, 5 pairs will be working together to collectively noodle 10 catfish to receive their next tip. And if a super team manages to find a catfish with the show’s logo on it they’ll receive a zip it ticket which allows them to skip the next challenge (Is seen at the temple ruins near the chill zone) and go straight to today’s chill zone. Last team here could be heading home.

Josee: Well it looks like we're working together.

MacArthur: Well it doesn’t exactly fill my heart with joy and wonder.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Seriously?! I can’t stand fish. They’re so slimy and gross!  
\---> Josee: Too bad, suck it up. We need that branded fish to secure another gold medal, even if it means.... (Cut off)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: (continued) Helping those Ice Dancers?! (Crosses her arms) No way are we doing this.  
\---> Sanders: Well, it's not like we have much of a choice. And besides isn’t it like you told me “Sometimes you have to dislocate your shoulder so you can squeeze through a fence so you can slap a Chihuahua with a citation for violating the peace?”  
\---> MacArthur: Damnit I make a good point.

MacArthur: (crosses her arms) Well it looks like it’s you, us, and whichever teams come next.

Sanders: Well let’s at least get a boat. (All run off to the boats)

(On cue 4 more taxis arrive. Out of them come Father/son, the Siblings, the Anime Nerds, and the Animaniacs.)

May: (presses the button and reads the tip) Super team challenge.

Annie: Oh, does that mean we all get to work together?

Sam: Yep.

Dwayne: Well it’ll be nice to have new team mates. Now what do we have to do?

Jordan: Have a fish eat your arm. (Gives him a tip to read)

Dwayne: (a little disgusted) Okay then. Now where are the boats? (All look and see the ice dancers and cadets in one boat)

MacArthur: Bout time you all showed up. (Counts the teams) One of you is going to have to wait for everyone else to arrive but the other 3 can come with us.

Annie: You can’t honestly expect us to toss someone aside.

Josee: Actually yes I can. Now get to it!

Fabian: Okay how do we go about picking someone to stay?

Leo: (notices a palm tree branch filled with leaves. He goes over to it and picks it up) I think I’ve got a way. Everyone draw a leaf from this branch, the shortest leaf will have to stay behind. I’ll draw for me and Annie

Sam: That seems fair enough. I’ll draw for my team.

Jordan: I’ll draw for mine.

Dwayne: And I’ll draw for me and my son.

(All 4 pluck a leaf off. When they show them up to comparison we see that Dwayne picked the short end of the stick, literally)

Sam: Sorry Dwayne but it looks like you and Junior will have to be on the other team.

Fabian: Good luck to y’all. (The other 3 teams run over to the ice dancers and cadets and then they drive off into the delta)

Junior: Aw and I was looking forward to working with Sam and Jordan again.

Dwayne: Don’t worry Junior I’m sure our default teammates will be useful.

(On cue the taxis carrying the bf’s and the bloggers arrive. Both teams run to the don box and get the tips)

Devin: Cat fish noodling?

Jen: This does not sound pleasant.

Tom: Neither has 51% of this race so far.

Carrie: At least we all get to work together.

Jen: Yeah but with who else? (They all see Dwayne and Junior waiting for them) Okay then

Dwayne: Looks like we’re all working together. Now, let’s get a boat, then all we have to do is wait for the sisters and surfers to arrive and we can begin the challenge. (All run to obtain a boat)

(Super Team 1 is seen driving into the delta. MacArthur and Josee stare at each other intensely)

Fabian: Are you 2 having a starring contest or are you trying to make the other one spontaneously combust through sheer thought?

Josee: A little of both actually.

(Emma and Kitty arrive at the delta)

Kitty: (groans out of exhaustion)

Emma: Okay that wasn’t as quick as I wanted it to be but at least we beat the surfers here. (She sees the surfers hanging around on the dock)

Geoff: Kitty! Emma! Over here! (He and Brody wave)

Brody: Hey glad to see you made it!

Emma: (Presses the button and gets the tip) It’s fine, we can always pull ahead during the challenge. (Reads the tip and doesn’t seem happy) Great.

Brody: (He and Geoff approach them) I know isn’t it great? We all get to work together. (Hugs her)

Emma: Well who else are we working with? (Notices the bloggers, bf’s and father/son waiting for them on a boat) Well it could be worse, but at the same time it could be better. I guess we can only hope the other team is worse off than the Wilkersons.

(They all get on a boat and drive out into the delta)

(We see everyone on super team one is in the water. Save for Jacques, he’s still in the boat and is putting on bejeweled gloves)

Josee: Jacques what are you waiting for?! Get in here noodle up some catfish! And take off those gloves!

Jacques: Never!

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (on the dock) I’ll stick my bare hand in a bullet ant ridden mitt but not in a fish’s mouth! It’s too cold and slimy. It’s like giving grandma a foot rub. (Shudders)

(Super team 2. Brody notices a bucket of chum and picks it up)

Brody: Check it out dudes. Chum Bucket!

Geoff: (Covers one eye) You can’t foil my plans this time Crabs. I went to college! (People laugh, suddenly the boat hits a rock and the chum bucket lands on Dwayne)

Junior: Am I the only one who realized that Plankton is trying to enforce cannibalism on the fishes of Bikini Bottom?

Kitty: Fish eat fish, it’s kind of the aquatic food chain.

Jen: Going off of that, what are Krabby Patties made from again?

Devin: (mysterious) No one really knows.

(Super Team 1)

Sanders: (Pulls up her hand which has a fish on it) Yes!

MacArthur: (is splashing all around trying to attract fish to her) Come on you stupid value meals! Bite me! My fingers are delicious!

Sanders: (the fish on her arm slips off) No! (To MacArthur) Could you try and be less loud?! Your voice is scaring the fish away.

Josee: Not to mention her face, personality, attitude, and odor. All very strong deterrents. (Laughs a little)

(MacArthur growls)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: (She’s sitting on a rock in the delta) We’ll see who’s laughing when we take the $1 million and crush their golden dream like an acorn between my bicep and brachioradialus!  
\---> Sanders: (beside her in the water) After today, okay remember super team.

(The 2nd super team’s boat has stopped)

Emma: Okay here’s the plan, there’s probably some fish right underneath us so Geoff, you and Kitty will cannonball in scaring the fish over to bow side where Carrie and I will do the noodling.

Geoff: (giddy) Cannonball?

Geoff/Kitty: Woo hoo! (Both cannonball in)

Emma: (she and Carrie are in the water) Come on! Come on! Where are you?

Carrie: Here fishy, fishy! (2 fish bite down on their hands) Aah! (They pull them out)

Emma: Yes! Ew!

Carrie: Ugh this feel so weird. And not in the good way.

Emma: Less complaining, more noodling. (She gives her fish to Brody who’s still in the boat. He takes it off her hands, literally.) Thanks. (Carrie prepares to give hers to Devin)

Carrie: Here you go Devin. (The fish slaps him in the face a few times) Sorry.

Devin: (Grabs it) It’s fine. (Fish sprays water in his face) Really it’s fine.

(Commercial break)

(We see Jacques still hesitant to step into the water. One fish jumps out and he recoils. He looks over and sees Annie trying her best to catch a fish)

Annie: (to Leo) It’s almost just like when Alex took us fishing.

Leo: Almost be key word in that sentence. (Suddenly Annie goes under) Annie! (Dives down, he grabs a catfish and tosses it onto the boat or more specifically Jacques, it coughs up Annie) Thank god you’re safe.

Annie: And I caught us a fish, that’s our 1st one. (Jacques glares at her) Maybe I should stay here.

Leo: That sounds like a good plan. I’m gonna go catch my own fish. (Swims off)

(Super Team 2)

(Junior is about to get into the water but Dwayne protests)

Dwayne: Maybe you should stay here on the boat where it’s safer. These fish are almost as big as you.

Junior: We need 10 fish dad. I’m going in.

Dwayne: Well I’m going in with you, I’m the fisherman here. (Both jump into the water)

Junior: Well now what?

Dwayne: Let me help you. (“I Got A Name” by Jim Croce plays) You just gotta stick your fingers underneath and wiggle them so they look enticing.

Junior: (does as he’s instructed but nothing bites) Nothing’s happening.

Dwayne: Just give it some time. Patience is the key.

Junior: (Tries it again but only pulls up an eel. He quickly tosses it off)

Dwayne: Maybe you should try a different location.

Junior: (Tries the other side of the boat and this time he gets a small dogfish to bite his hand, he shakes that off to)

Dwayne: Maybe if you watch a pro do it you’ll get the idea. (Sticks his own hand underwater and he actually manages to attract a catfish, it’s kind of small but it will have to do.) Like that. (Tosses it onto the boat)

Junior: Okay. (Sticks hand underwater and waits a few moments until he pulls up a fish) Yes! (Leans to one side cause the fish is so damn big, but Dwayne holds him in place) Thanks.

Dwayne: No problem, now let’s get you both back onto the boat. (Tom and Devin help Junior get back onto the boat and place the fish to the side with the others)

Junior: Thanks for the help dad.

Dwayne: And you said those fishing stories would never come in handy. Now, I’m gonna go find us a nice big one. (Ventures off)

Junior: And I’ll stay here.

(Super Team 1)

Fabian: (is trying to catch a fish all his own, but to no avail) What’s wrong? Is it my fingers? (Examines them) They seem fine to me. 

Jordan: Just keep at it you’ll catch something.

Fabian: Okay then. (Tries at it again and he’s got something this time) I’ve got something! Help me! (Jordan helps him pull his hand above water and there’s a fish on the end) Yes!

Jordan: Let’s get it on the boat. (They take it over to the boat and hand it to Jacques, and he takes a fishful of fin to the face) Now it’s time for me to catch a fish. (Both swim off)

Josee: (To Jacques) Come on Jacques if the fairy princess and the space case can do it so can you.

Jacques: I am fine where I am.

Annie: And I can hear you. (Josee just swims of all haughty)

(Super Team 2)

(Jen steps off the boat and into the water)

Jen: I am so showering tonight.

Emma: Like I’m not.

Tom: You’ve got this. (Jen ventures off and he gets to talk to Devin all secluded) So Devin. Me and Jen know.

Devin: Know what?

Tom: (Pulls him in close and whispers) We both know that you like Carrie.

Devin: (gasp) What would give you that idea?

Tom: Jen said you told her back in Mexico when you were tripping on the pepper. Not to mention your little mural from the last leg. I mean I love my mom but even I would never immortalize someone like that unless I wanted to marry them.

Devin: Fine, it’s true. I do love her. But I just can’t seem to tell her.

Tom: Well what are you so concerned about? You already know she loves you.

Devin: Yeah but… I want to tell her when the moment’s right.

Tom: Fine but remember this “Why put off tomorrow what you could do today?”

Brody: (cuts in) And what is today but yesterday’s tomorrow.

Tom: How much of that did you hear?

Brody: (Is seen taking Jen’s fish off her hands) You say something?

Tom: Never mind. (To Jen) Nice job.

Jen: Thanks, can you guys help me out? (All 3 help her back onto the boat)

(Super Team 1)

Sanders: (has caught a fish) Yes! I got one! Anyone gonna help me?

(Camera pans over to MacArthur and Josee)

MacArthur: You know what you need skater girl?

Josee: I’m sure the answer will be stupid no matter what, but do tell.

MacArthur: (grabs Sanders fish) fish slap! (Throws the catfish at her)

Sanders: Hey, you let my fish go!

MacArthur: Hey it was totally worth it however right?

(Josee tackles her and the 2 start fighting)

Sanders: Hey! (Both stop fighting) In case you 2 haven’t noticed we’re losing!

(Camera pans over to the other team and we see Devin and Brody loading 2 more fish onto the boat onto the boat)

Emma: Nice job people we’ll be at the next challenge in no time.

(Back over to Super team 1)

Sanders: See that? That’s a little something called “cooperation”

Josee: Well I wasn’t born with that gene.

Sanders: Listen we all hate each other.

May: That’s technically incorrect. My team, the animaniacs, the siblings and your team all hate the ice dancers who in turn hate everyone on the race but the other 4 of us do not hate every other team.

Sanders: Specifics aside, can we just hate the other team more until we finish the challenge?

MacArthur: That may be doable.

Josee: I couldn’t hate you all more if I tried but if guarantees one of them gets sent home instead of us I can (struggles to say the next word) agree to those terms and conditions. (Offers hand to MacArthur) Truce?

MacArthur: (shakes it reluctantly) Truce.

Leo: (speaks with May/Sam, Fabian/Jordan and Annie) We remaining 3 teams also agree.

Sanders: Good, now I’ve been thinking about what our strategy should be and- (cut off)

Josee: I’ve got an idea, right there. (Points to a crocodile resting on the shore) Sabotage anyone?

(She and MacArthur laugh as they move over to the other team)

Sanders: Oh what fresh hell hath I wrought?

MacArthur: (she and Josee swim by the boat) Hey did you see that mega big catfish over by the rocks?

Josee: Yep, it would take a really impressive person to catch that leviathan. And whomever did would be the best racer out of us all. (Both swim off)

Devin: (Gets an idea)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: It’s perfect. I grab the big catfish, get us our next tip, Carrie swoons and I tell her I love her.

Tom: (Has taken off his glasses and is being directed by Dwayne) Thank you very much for the assistance.

Dwayne: No problem. (Tom snags a catfish and Dwayne helps him direct his arm to the boat) Devin take it. (Nothing happens) Devin? Where are you?

Brody: (Takes the fish off his hands) Devin went to grab a fish all his own.

(Devin is near the rocks)

Devin: Well, here goes nothing. (Reaches down and grabs the crocodiles tail, he starts to drag it) Man this is big, and feels more like a handbag. (The crocodile rises up and meets with him eye to eye) Aw crap! (Swims like there’s no tomorrow)

(At Super team 2 boat the final fish is hoisted on)

Jen: Yes! That’s all 10 fish!

Carrie: I’ll go get the judge. (Swims off)

Geoff: You know this super team alliance is working out pretty well.

Kitty: Maybe we should make it permanent?

Junior/Jen/Brody: Yeah sure/Okay/I’m totally down for that.

Kitty: Nice.

Devin: (Screams as he swims) Crocodile!

Emma: What? (All of them notice the crocodile swimming towards them and they all scramble onto the boat, the croc also hops into the boat)

Tom: I had a close enough encounter with a crocodilian last episode!

Crocodile: (notices the fishes and swallows them all)

Everyone: No!

Jen: Now what are we going to do?

Carrie: (leads a boat with the judge to her team) Right this way sir. We’ve got all 10 fish. (She looks at the boat and notices the plump crocodile but no fish) No! Our fish! What happened?!

Devin: (decides to tell her the truth but-)

Tom: The weirdest thing happened. It just hopped in.

Carrie: Hopped in?

Jen: Yep, hopped in on its own accord. Nobody’s fault, just a total freak accident, like the whole frosted lip fad.

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: Wow, they didn’t tell Carrie the truth. They must really want me to tell her. I’ve never had anybody do that for me before.

Carrie: What are we going to do now?

Dwayne: We have no choice. We’ve got to start over.

Brody: Not on my watch we don’t! (Grabs the crocodile and performs the Heimlich maneuver on it, causing it to cough up all 10 fish. People look stupefied)

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: Believe it or not, that’s not the 1st time Brody has had to get a croc to cough something up.  
\---> Brody: In all fairness I don’t know why my sister asked me to pet sit in the first place. Before you think the worst I just had to get the dog toys out not the dog itself.

(Judge counts all 10 fish and gives Brody the next tip)

Brody: Nice! (Reads the tip) It’s an all in! Get lost and found underground?

Don: (is seen in an underground cavern, there’s a bit of an echo) For this all in teams must take taxis to these wartime tunnels. Somewhere down here they’ll find a Don Box with directions to the chill zone. But they better be weary, the tunnels are filled with traps, dead ends and more than a few spiders.

(Super Team 2 cheers and speeds off to shore. Super Team 1 watches this)

Annie: Well that’s unfortunate.

MacArthur: Aw damn it!

Josee: You mean I cooperated for nothing?!

Sanders: I don’t think sabotage counts as cooperation.

Jacques: (Squeals) The branded catfish! (The special catfish is seen jumping off the bow of the boat) Quick someone come over here and- (points with one hand and the catfish bites down on it) AAAAHHH! Get it off! Get it off! It feels so unnatural! (Shakes it around)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: So Jacques doesn’t like sticking his fingers into a damp, moist orifice, eh? Interesting. (Ponders with his fingers)

Leo: Don’t you dare drop that fish unless you know what's good for you!

(Jacques beats the fish against the side of the boat and then drops it into the boat)

Jordan: Yes! Here we come first place!

(All those on Super Team 1 cheer and hand the branded catfish over to the local. The ride off to the chill zone happy, save for Jacques who looks kind of mortified)

Don: (voice) While Super Team 1 gets their zip it tickets and cruise straight to the chill zone. (In the lower corner of the screen we see the other 5 teams arrive on bike powered rickshaws at the caves) The remaining teams all arrive at the underground tunnels and must get to spelunking.

(All 5 teams look inside)

Geoff: (shudders) Creepy man.

Kitty: Let’s just get this over with quick. (All run in and cheer, they then stop at 5 possible exit tunnels)

Emma: Uh oh.

Junior: It’s a one in 5 chance at success.

Jen: And we collectively don’t have time to peruse them all.

Carrie: Good luck everyone.

Geoff: Let’s just all agree that whomever finds the don box first gives a signal. Like “caw caw” (heads down the far left tunnel.)

Brody: (Follows him) Go super team.

Kitty: But-

Emma: (drags her to the far right tunnel) Come on.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: In all fairness we kind of feel like since the fishing challenge is over we don’t have to cooperate with them anymore  
\---> Tom: But we don’t want to tell them that, I mean that would be like telling a kid Santa Claus isn’t real. I mean every kid already figures that out by the time they’re 10 but they don’t let their parents know that they don’t know so that way the flow of presents doesn’t stall.  
\---> Junior: (cuts in) I can testify to that. 

(Father/son head down the middle tunnel, bf’s take the tunnel to the left, and bloggers take the tunnel to the right)

Don: (voice) While super team 2 splits back into its 5 basic components (We now see the teams in super team 1 at the chill zone) our axis of evil is in a 5 way tie for first. Congratulations. You all win an exotic vacation to any of the high class hotels in Southeast Asia, including Vietnam, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, The Philippines and Cambodia.

Annie: Wait what did you just call us?

Jacques: It does have a lovely ring to it.

Sanders: I can’t believe I’m saying this but maybe we should keep this alliance working together until the final 5?

Fabian: Eh, why not I’m already kind of a bastard.

Sam: I’m certainly no angel or saint.

Annie: And who am I to break up a team.

MacArthur: (She and Josee shakes hands) Put her there partner. (Both growl)

(Confessional)  
\---> May: The idea of working with Jacques and Josee doesn’t exactly make me happy but if there’s an alliance we’d sooner be with them than against them.  
\---> Jordan: Ditto

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: To be honest, I haven't trusted Jacques or Josee since the CN Tower. Something about them has always given me a bad vibe. Still, at this point it’s better that we stay in their good favor.  
\---> Annie: And who knows? Maybe they’ll see the error of their ways and want to have a change of heart.  
\---> Leo: Yes and maybe, just maybe, the Academy will give Amy Adams an Oscar already. Seriously what does she have to do for you people?

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Of course this isn’t a real alliance, we’re just playing with the cadets-

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: (continued) You know, let them think they’re safe and when their guard’s down-  
\---> MacArthur: Boom! We drop the M-bomb on them and send them back to icebergs where they belong!  
\---> Sanders: The M-bomb?  
\---> MacArthur: Yeah. M for MacArthur.

(Back in the tunnels) 

(Geoff and Brody head down one tunnel only to find a giant spider and its web, they quickly reverse direction. Tom and Jen notice a skeleton on the ground and proceed with extreme caution around it. Dwayne and Junior walk down their tunnel and Dwayne steps down on a stone that was actually a trigger button, which causes a boulder to head right at them, they run back and notice that somehow the tunnel they entered has a door closing down slowly on it. They tuck, roll and barely make it but Junior lost his hat so he reaches back into the door and pulls it out in time just like Indiana Jones. Devin and Carrie are running until Devin slams right into a stalactite. Emma and Kitty can see light and run to what they think is the exit, except it’s actually the entrance. They run back inside. Devin and Carrie stop and notice a red pair of eyes down one tunnel. They hold hands prepare to walk through it)

Geoff: (He and Brody run) I am really feeling our super team man.

Brody: Yeah I definitely feel like we’re all riding one big wave to the finale. (Both hit a dead end)

Geoff: Weird, the tunnel just ends.

Brody: Or maybe that’s just what they want us to think. (Both run into it again)

(Elsewhere we see Emma and Kitty walk)

Kitty: Do you really think we should let the surfers believe that we’re all still together? I mean they’re such nice guys and I don’t wanna betray them. It would kind of be like disobeying grandma.

Emma: Geoff and Brody are just as determined to win this completion as us. If they don’t get that then they- (Steps and falls, the ground gives out to reveal a pit with spikes at the bottom) Whoa! (Grabs onto the edge of the rock to stay on) Help me up!

Kitty: Got it! (Starts to pull her up)

Carrie: (She and Devin are walking in pitch black and are illuminated just by the whites of their eyes) Gee who turned out the lights?

Devin: Wait a minute. I just remembered, I have matches I got from the boat! (Lights one only to reveal he’s covered in spiders) AAHH! (Drops the match and things go black again. Carrie picks up the match and lights a conveniently placed torch)

Carrie: Are they gone? (Notices Devin clutching to her leg like a little kid)

Devin: Sorry, had to cling on to the most secure thing around. (Sheepish laugh)

Carrie: Well let’s keep searching for the don box. (Devin gets up and they both walk into a small hole where they both get stuck)

Devin/Carrie: Sorry.

Devin: Hold on. (Wiggles back out of the hole) There you go.

Carrie: Thanks (Both continue to walk, Devin gets very sweaty) It’s really hot down here ain’t it?

Devin: Yeah. So um Carrie listen I’ve been thinking for a while about what you said and I think I’ve come to a conclusion, I-

Jen: Guys! (Tom and Jen run into them) Thank goodness we’ve found you. This place is like creepy, like that dumb Scooby Doo live action movie. 

Tom: I say that from here on out we walk together.

Carrie: That sounds very nice.

Devin: Yeah, nice. (All continue to walk for a while until they notice something)

Jen: The don box! (All 4 hear Emma’s scream)

Tom: Was that a good scream or a bad scream?

Devin: Definitely a bad one.

(Emma is still shown to be dangling over the pit)

Kitty: You’re slipping!

(Suddenly another hand grabs Emma and pulls her out, she sees that it was none other than Brody)

Emma: Wow, thank you.

Brody: You’re welcome man.

Emma: Wait how did you 2 get here?

Geoff: We busted through a wall. (Points to their impact silhouettes)

Devin: (voice) Caw caw! Caw caw!

Geoff: That’s the signal. Someone must’ve found the don box! (All 4 run off)

(Elsewhere)

Junior: (Hears the signal) Come on dad someone else found the don box.

Dwayne: But I thought we were making good progress and (a large stone cube falls a few feet in front of him) Let’s get out of here. (Both run in the calls direction)

(Don Box)

Carrie: Are we sure we’re doing the right thing?

Jen: Wanna tell Geoff and Brody we aren’t really working together? (Carrie keeps quiet as the other 3 teams arrive, all of them press the button and get a tip)

Geoff: Excellent. It’s a map to the chill zone. Let’s go! (Everyone runs)

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: Why is it that no matter how hard I try to impress her nothing goes right?  
\---> Camera operator: (voice off screen) The forces that govern our universe like to play with you as some sort of sick joke? (Devin looks at him all stern) What, you asked.

(All 5 teams finally reach the outside.)

Don: (voice) It’s a footrace to the chill zone that I can’t predict. Who will still be in this race by tomorrow? (Emma and Kitty cross the line first) 6th place to the sisters! (They cheer and run off. Dwayne and Junior arrive next) 7th place to father and son!

Dwayne: Still in it! (Both run off as Tom and Jen cross the chill zone next)

Don: 8th to the fashion bloggers.

Tom: In all honesty I’m just glad to be out of that tunnel. (Both walk off)

Don: And finally it’s-(BF’s and Surfers take turns passing each other little by little until...) Best Friends in 9th place!

Devin/Carrie: Yes! (Both turn and see the surfers behind them, now technically eliminated)

Carrie: Oh guys. We’re so sorry.

Geoff: Eh, well you did find the don box first so if anyone had to beat us, I’m glad it’s you.

Brody: Still kind of a bummer anyway. (To Don) You sure this isn’t a non-elimination round?

Don: (Looks at show rule book) Nope sorry. You’re out and the only thing that can bring you back is if another team is unable to race due to injuries and choses you to be their replacements.

Geoff: Well we don’t mind. We got enough memories to last a lifetime.

Brody: Not to mention we made a lot of new friends. And if anyone on our super team wins they’ll split the money with us, right?

(The lower rung teams all look sheepish and try to dodge the question)

MacArthur: (Walks up to the surfers while sipping a smoothie) You 2 are out? Real shame, you were kind of the party life of this show.

Brody: I’m sorry my beloved but I must leave. You’ll have to go on without me but don’t quit. Just know that I’m still cheering you on at home.

MacArthur: Listen I don’t want to kick you while you’re down but after a lot of hard thinking, I don’t really want to date you. Sure I think you’re an awesome guy to hang around with but right now I’m focused most on my career and this race. I kind of don’t need a significant other. But how about when this whole show is over we all go and hangout at your favorite surf shack?

Brody: Is that a date or-?

MacArthur: It’s a hangout. And don’t think that just because you’re with a couple off cops means you’re above the law.

Brody: Certainly not officer. 10-4 (He and Geoff leave)

Devin: (prepares to talk to Carrie but notices she’s busy talking to Emma and Kitty) Forget it. (Walks off while Tom and Jen look displeased)

Don: Who will survive the next set of challenges? Find out when we return to THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! 

=== Best of Geoff and Brody === (A slideshow is shown on the screen of Geoff and Brody's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. They voice over as it happens.)

Brody: (voice) So this is what it feels like to loose on reality tv.

Geoff: (voice) You’ll get used to it.

Brody: (voice) It’s weird, I should probably be sad but truth be told I had too much fun to be down in the dumps.

Geoff: (voice) Yeah, going around the world was awesome but going around the world with my best bud was even more awesome!

Brody: (voice) We did our best, we played fair, and MacArthur said she wanted to hang out with me. That’s technically not a no.

Geoff: (voice) I’m definitely proud of us both. I mean on what other show can you walk on hot coals, make a snow castle, ride a bull, bungee jump, play tennis with a robot, fight with tomatoes, drive a dune buggy and skydive?

Brody: (voice) Certainly not one on PBS

Geoff: (voice) I also feel like the home viewers really got know us both a lot. And people got a better view of me than on Total Drama Aftermath.

Brody: (voice) Yeah, you were a total douche. What was up with that?

Geoff: (voice) Fame can change you man. But I think I’ve changed back for the better.

Brody: (voice) I feel like our lives have changed to just being a part of this whole damn experience. It’s something I wouldn’t trade for anything. Well except for maybe the $1 million.

Geoff: (voice) Can’t wait to see what Bridgette thinks about us. I hope we can still save the ocean like she wants.

(Both walk off into the sunset with arms around each other)

Brody: So what do you say man. Wanna go back and surf until we feel one with nature?

Geoff: You know it man.

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The heat is on in Saigon. Not a lot has changed from canon aside from the number of teams competing but Devin is finally over the effects of the pepper and Tom and Jen let him know they know. I like Geoff and Brody just as much as you all do but this is where they leave us, not to worry they'll still have a final say in the finale. Favorite part this chapter: Dwayne and Junior bonding over fishing, I love Jim Croce. 
> 
> Next episode: Russia
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Leo & Annie/ Fabian & Jordan/ Sam & May/Jacques & Josee/MacArthur & Sanders (1st Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (6th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (8th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (9th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Geoff & Brody (10th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th place)   
> Crimson & Ennui (12th place)   
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owenn & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	28. How Deep Is Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final 9 brave the bitter cold of north western Russia, where they try their hands at ice yachting and make an unpleasant discovery 7 miles down.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams traveled to Vietnam. It's there they formed super teams and went fishing with their fingers. Devin encountered a real croc of an obstacle while a 5 way alliance formed with The Axis of Evil. As the other 5 teams went underground only 4 surfaced victorious, unfortunate as it was Geoff and Brody wiped out of the competition, though they seemed rather la di da about it. (Is seen at the chill zone from last episode) Real shame, I really liked them. Hopefully this week I can kick off a team I don't like. It's time for THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro begins)

(We're back at the Chill Zone in Vietnam. Don stands in front with a Don Box next to him)

Don: Welcome back to yesterday's chillzone in Vietnam. We will be leaving soon and our victorious super team gets the advantage of leaving 1st. (Ice Dancers, Cadets, Siblings, Anime Nerds, & Animaniacs walk up to the don box)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: Trust us when we say this alliance is in no way a friendship  
\---> MacArthur: You got that right. It's just an excuse to work with people we hate. Now I know what it's like to be Tony Curtis.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: If we get a chance to eliminate the bottom 4 teams of course we will take it.  
\---> Josee: And if we get a chance to eliminate the cadets we'll take it and make look like an accident. And trust us, we're good at making things look like accidents. (Both laugh evilly)

(Confessional)  
\---> Fabian: I may not be all that smart and still believe in the tooth fairy but even I know we shouldn't trust the ice dancers.  
\---> Jordan: I'll say, I'd sooner team up with a pit viper, I’m sure their friendlier. But if there’s a way for us to avoid being targeted by them we’ll take it

Sanders: (presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Fly to Northwestern Russia.

Don: (He is seen in a slideshow of the region) The merciless Northern Russian peninsula. Home to such animals as the Siberian Tiger and the Siberian Husky. (He's seen in his winter parka from the North Pole episode and is walking outside an airport) Teams will have to fly here to this Russian airport to find this don box to get their next tip.

(Back in Vietnam the first 5 teams are seen getting their tips and taking off to the airport)

May: (voice) Taxi!

(Inside the cab carrying the cadets)

MacArthur: I say we find a way to eliminate the sisters.

Sanders: Or because they won't expect it, let's go after the ice dancers. Just grab them by-

MacArthur: (silences her) Shh. I know but 1st we go after the weaklings, then the big dogs and then we claim our winnings.

(Back at the don box the other 4 teams arrive to get their tips)

Emma: Come on we can't fall behind! (She and Kitty run)

(Inside the cab carrying the sisters)

Emma: We have to make sure the axis of evil targets one of the other teams instead of us.

Kitty: Aw, do we have to? We kind of made a pack with the bfs, father/son, and the bloggers.

Emma: I know we did but I can assure you, in their taxis right now they're plotting get us booted

(Inside the taxi carrying the best friends)

Devin: (thinking) Come on Devin just say "I love you" how hard is that? (Out loud) Carrie?

Carrie: Yeah Devin?

Devin: I want you to know that- (stares at her) if a tiger beetle was the same size as a human it could run at over 300 mph.

Carrie: Okay, well that's interesting.

(Inside the taxi with Tom & Jen)

Tom: Listen I was thinking maybe we should cut ties with Devin and Carrie.

Jen: What? How can you say that?

Tom: Well things are getting kind of tight now and with Devin’s foot in mouth syndrome he’s not operating at full capacity, anchoring all 4 us. Only 2 people can win that million.

Jen: That’s a very valid point but they are our friends. We can’t just toss them aside like last season’s accessories.

Tom: Well then I guess we just have to push Devin into spitting it out. And devote more energy and time on the challenges

(Inside the taxi with Dwayne & Junior)

Dwayne: You’re not to upset about last time right Junior?

Junior: Well we’re still in so yeah I guess I’m fine, but if we’re gonna win this show you gotta not be you.

Dwayne: What does that mean?

Junior: Not be a klutz. (Dwayne understands now) Think about it dad, if we win that money I’ll be set for life and you can retire before you’re 60.

Dwayne: Well it would be nice to do something for your mom on our 50th anniversary. I’d really like to take her on a South Pacific cruise.

Junior: First you gotta make it 50. And before that we need to win. So no more irrational decision making, do exactly what the tip says and run any ideas by me 1st.

Dwayne: I hear you loud and clear.

(At the airport the first 5 taxis arrive and teams spill out to get tickets. The first 5 teams all run for the plane)

Jordan: Come on! Hurry!

Sanders: If we don't make this flight the next one doesn't leave for another 8 hours.

Josee: Yes! If the other teams miss it they’re gone for sure!

(All board the plane and find places to sit down)

Pilot: (over PA) Welcome... aboard everyone.

(At the airport gates the other 4 teams arrive)

Jen: Run!

(All 8 scramble to book passage on the plane and make it before it takes off)

Pilot: (voice over) We're... going to be... closing the.... cabin doors... soon.... any second now... so … we can… take off.

Josee: JUST CLOSE THE GODDAMN DOORS ALREADY! (The plane's doors close) Finally.

(The other 4 teams have made it and are seen looking for a place to sit)

Tom: Thank god we made it!

Dwayne: Yeah that was almost too close for comfort! (Josee looks very unhappy)

Annie: Nice of you to join us. 

Don: (voice as the plane takes off) Everyone’s on the same flight. And some are happier about that than others.

Josee: Great, now we're all on the same flight! And it's all because of that stupid pilot! He's in league with Don to make us lose, I know it!

Jacques: (imitates the pilot) Why? Just... because... he spoke... a little- (Josee elbows him to shut up) Ow!

(Elsewhere on the plane)

May: (approaches Dwayne & Junior) Nice to see you both made it on the plane.

Dwayne: Very nice.

May: Listen I was thinking that even though me and Sam are kind of on the “Axis of Evil” we could still help you 2 out.

Junior: Sure, Sam’s good luck just might balance out my dad’s bad luck.

Dwayne: I still think you’re over exaggerating this whole bad luck thing. (Opens a bottle of ginger ale and gets covered in fizz) Could one of you hand me a napkin? (May complies) Thank you.

(The plane is seen landing in Russia. Teams spill out and race to find the Don Box)

Leo: There!

Sam: Go, go, go, go, go!

(People press the button to collect their tips)

Emma: (reading) It says we have to ice yacht to the Kola Superdeep Borehole.

Sanders: In our swimsuits.

Jacques: Yay! I always love an opportunity to flaunt my body.

Devin: What's an ice yacht?

Don: (He's near some changing stations which are by a frozen lake) Each team must take on of these ice yachts (motions to 9 ice yachts) and sail due north while wearing their swim suits. (He's now seen riding an ice yacht in his swimming brief) Just like how the Russians used to do winter sports and show how tough they were. (Poses for the camera) Ooh! (Crashes into a rock) Oww! (He's now seen at the borehole with an ice bag on his head. He's in his winter clothes) Teams will find their next tip here at the Kola Borehole where unfortunately there are no soft drinks for sale. But this is where the teams will get their winter clothes.

(Back at the airport)

Carrie: Taxi!

(All the teams find taxis and they race off to the lake. They arrive and all the teams get out and head to the changing stations. Leo and Annie are the 1st team to leave on an ice yacht)

Sanders: (she and everyone else left is shivering) Hurry up MacArthur! I'm freezing!

MacArthur: (exits the changing station) Hey, when you look this hot, the cold doesn't affect you.

Sanders: Do you at least promise not to turn this into another dune buggy race? I'm sick and tired of being treated like your personal crash test dummy.

MacArthur: Hey, hey, hey. You’ve got no need to worry, we're going to rock this challenge! (Josee slips and pushes her) Ah!

Josee: Oops, sorry. It's really slippery out here. (Walks off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: The cadets where riding on our coattails too much. I think a push in the right direction will help them snap back to it.  
\---> Jacques: (giggles) I love it when you talk evil.

MacArthur: (has fallen onto a garbage can and her tongue is stuck to it)

Sanders: Come on get up!

MacArthur: (slurred) My tongue is frozen to the can.

Sanders: What?!

MacArthur: (slurred) My tongue is frozen to the can!

(The best friends, bloggers and sisters take off on their yachts and catch up to Annie and Leo. We see an ice fisherman about to cast his line again but the hook gets caught on the best friend’s yacht and he gets dragged along for the ride.)

Fisherman: Какого черта?!

Carrie: Sorry!

(The fisherman glides a few more feet until he rides up an angled rock and goes flying. He lands on the sail of the fashion bloggers yacht)

Jen: Zdravstvuyte?

(Back by the changing stations we see Josee doing something to one ice yacht)

Jacques: What are you doing Josee?

Josee: Shh! (pulls out a screw) Let's just say the cadets can't catch a break. Now let's get to the borehole. (They board another yacht and leave)

Sanders: (MacArthur is still stuck in place) Jacques, Josee, wait! We need help!

Jacques: (he's at the sail while Josee is at the rudder) Did you hear something?

Josee: Nope. (They continue on)

Sanders: Guys?! Come on! I guess they couldn't hear us.

MacArthur: Oh they heard you just fine. (Tries to pry herself from the can but to no avail)

(Jordan waits for Fabian as Sam and May are getting ready to leave)

Jordan: Come on man hurry it up. I know you’re cold but so is everyone else.

Fabian: (finally exits, he’s wearing some thick boots in addition to his swim trunks) I’m here. (To Sam) Hey thanks for lending me your spare pair of boots.

Sam: You’re welcome. (He and May take off)

Jordan: Let’s go sailing. (They get into their ice yacht and take off, Dwayne and Junior follow them not far behind)

Don: (voice as the sisters and best friends surpass them) Brother and Sister may have the lead but that may not be true for much longer.

Devin: Quick, cut them off before they can get ahead of us.

Leo: Quick, ram them before they can cut us off. 

Carrie/Annie: (hesitant) Um.

Kitty: (Her team usurps the lead) Yes! Now block Leo and Annie so Devin and Carrie can pass them.

Emma: Why would we do that?

Kitty: We're in alliance aren't we? We might need their help later.

Emma: Are those 2 in actual danger of being eliminated?

Kitty: Well no but we made a deal to-

Emma: Yes or no Kitty!

Kitty: No.

Emma: All right then, they're fine.

Kitty: I hate it when you get all lawyer on me.

Emma: Well I’m good at it aren't I?

(Back at the changing stations the cadets are the only ones left)

Sanders: We need to find water or something to get you free.

MacArthur: No time for that. We've got to get moving! (Gets up and lifts the garbage can using only her tongue)

Sanders: Wow, now that's what I call true grit.

(Back on the ice. The sisters are approaching the Borehole)

Kitty: There's the hole. Break!

Emma: (tries to pull it but can't) Help. It's frozen! (Kitty helps her sister pull it but it may be too late) Crap! We're gonna fall in! (Both scream as the yacht comes to a stop just on the precipice of falling in)

Kitty: Yay! We didn't fall in and we're not frozen! (Shivers) Yet.

(Commercial break)

Kitty: (she and Emma are in their winter clothes. She presses the don box button and gets the tip) Who's ready to go deep? Uh-oh I don’t like the sound of this.

Don: (walks by the bore hole) After losing the race to the moon Russia tried to win the race to the center of the earth but stopped at the 7 mile mark when they realized nobody else was even gonna try. (A dummy is seen being lowered into the hole) Today one team member must lower their harnessed partner all the way to the bottom where they must find a red ball and then they must be cranked all the way back up by their partner. (Don brings the dummy back up to the surface, the scene changes to Don dressed in only a towel at a steam bath) Once they’re back up they must race to the chill zone located in this Russian steam bath. Last team to arrive with ball in hand may be heading home. I hope they take their time because I’ve got a date with a caviar body scrub. (A spa employee arrives with a body brush and a bucket full of caviar)

(The ice dancers pass best friends and siblings)

Jacques: Yes! Enjoy 3rd place!

Josee: I wonder how the cadets are doing right now?

(Cadets ice yacht, they aren’t going as fast and are in last place)

Sanders: Face it, the weight of this garbage can is slowing us down. (Prepares to spit)

MacArthur: What are you doing? (Sanders spits on her face)

Sanders: Sorry I’m bad at spiting. Let me try again.

MacArthur: Don’t even think about it.

(Dwayne and Junior are sailing their way across the ice. Dwayne’s at the mast while Junior is at the rudder)

Dwayne: (shivers) Some challenge right Junior?

Junior: I don’t know who thought this challenge was a good idea but they must work for Woody Allen because I’m not laughing.

Tom: (huddles with Jen) I normally love to model the latest in swimsuit wear but not in this climate!

Jen: Just wait a little while longer. (We can see the fisherman they hooked up is at the mast) Can you believe the fisherman we crossed paths with is a former ice yacht competitor?

Tom: Yeah, talk about luck.

(Animaniacs and Anime Nerds race perpendicularly)

May: (Uses her hair as a primitive blanket) Thank god I have all this hair. Don’t know what I’d do if I lost it. (To Sam) Are we doing good?

Sam: We’re doing good. (Applies foundation to self)

May: Are you seriously doing that now?

Sam: I actually think the makeup is helping me keep warm.

May: Can I have some? (Sam tosses her some and she covers herself in it. It actually works)

Fabian: (shivers at the rear while Jordan handles the mast) It’s times like this I regret that full body waxing.

Jordan: Is there any way we can go faster?

Fabian: Yeah, if you just fold time we’ll instantly appear at the borehole Megan Murry

(Kola Borehole)

Kitty: (is in the harness) 7 miles down? Will there still be air down there?

Emma: (over by the crank) I’m going to be a lawyer, not a geophysicist. (Jacques and Josee leap into frame all dressed in winter gear and blow kisses to the camera) Enough of that already, we get that you’re ice dancers. (Starts pulling the crank and Kitty descends)

Kitty: (she starts to descend) And newsflash, no one cares.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Well trust me, you’re really going to care about what I do next.

Jacques: (presents Josee with the harness) You need to put this on.

Josee: (gasps) You know I don’t do well in tight spaces.

Jacques: Yes but you couldn’t possibly crank me all the way back up quick enough to secure a gold medal.

Josee: But-

Jacques: If you feel uneasy just tell me and I will pull you back up to the top.

(Flash cut. Josee is in the harness over the borehole and Jacques is by the lever)

Jacques: Vous êtes prêt? Allons-y. (Cranks the lever and Josee starts to descend)

Josee: (not even in the hole yet) Pull me up! (Jacques pulls her up) Wait that was silly, let me go. (Jacques pulls the lever and she descends) Pull me back up! (Jacques pulls her up) I’m sorry, I’m ready to go down now.

Jacques: (is cranking away) On the plus side all this extra cranking really is keeping me warm.

Josee: (voice) Pull me up!

(Bottom of the borehole. Kitty is the first to arrive)

Kitty: (into her speaker) Okay I’m at the bottom, it’s surprisingly warm down here.

Emma: (over speaker) Well it’s not on my end so find the ball, now.

Kitty: (looks around with her spotlight and finds a ball no more than a few feet in front of her, she grabs it.) I’ve got it, crank me up. (Kitty starts to ascend)

Don: (voice) The sisters secure their first place lead while 2 other teams are having a smashing good time. (Back on the lake we see the yachts of the bf’s and the siblings bombarding each other)

Leo: I’m sorry Devin but at this point in the race I afford can’t be friendly anymore. I don’t care about your girlfriend issues, if you’re in my way I’m walking over you.

Devin: Hey I can be not nice too.

Annie/Carrie: (notice the borehole fast encroaching) Hole!

Leo/Devin: (embrace in fear) AAAHH!

(Jacques continues to crank Josee down)

Josee: (over speaker) Back up!

(Crashing noise. We look and see the siblings and the best friends have crashed into the changing booths. Tom and Jen wince at this sight. Jacques notices his swimsuit is lying on the ice like a goddamn heathen)

Jacques: (gasps) My bathing suit! (Abandons his post to retrieve it, allowing Josee to plummet deep into the hole)

Josee: (screams as she falls)

(Back on the surface Jacques grabs the lever, with his swimsuit in his left hand, stopping Josee from plummeting further)

Jacques: Phew.

(Down the hole) 

Josee: I’m okay. (Starts to hyperventilate) No I’m not! Pull me up!

Jacques: (over speaker) Listen mon petit chou! We’re in 2nd place right now and 2 more team are advancing on us and Kitty is on her way back up, you need to focus. Breathe and imagine yourself doing something you love.

Josee: (notices a light coming up to her from below) You know what I love?

Jacques: (over speaker) Dancing across the ice like the wind?

Josee: Nope, sabotaging the other teams. Lower me down! (She descends)

(On the surface. The best friends and the siblings have changed into their winter clothes)

Carrie: (has the harness in her hands) I think it’s no debate between the 2 of us who has the upper body strength necessary here.

Devin: Fair enough, we’re running behind.

Leo: (straps Annie into her harness) There we go.

Annie: No concern about me venturing 7 miles down into the earth?

Leo: Like you can crank me. And besides what trouble could happen down there? I’m not one of those mole people conspiracy theorists.

(The Fashion Bloggers, Father/Son, Animaniacs and Anime Nerds finally arrive at the Hole and get changed into something warmer. Tom and Jen wave their fisherman passenger off)

(Down the hole Kitty is being pulled up as Josee is descending)

Josee: So are the balls easy or hard to find?

Kitty: They’re actually pretty easy to find thanks to the helmet light.

Josee: Good to know. (Punches her head light out and takes her ball)

Kitty: Hey!

Josee: Quick Jacques pull me up! (She ascends)

Kitty: Hey that can’t be fair!

Josee: (voice) No one cares!

(Up on the surface Jacques and Emma are cranking away)

Kitty: (over headset) Emma! Bad news Josee took our ball!

(Josee leaps into frame)

Emma: Cheaters! (Let’s go of the crank and Kitty falls. Emma can hear her screaming and quickly stops the crank)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Oh boo hoo hoo. I’m gonna cry into my $1 million pile.  
\---> Jacques: Can we get it converted into tens?

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: The next best thing to all that prize money would be watching the Ice Dancers get eliminated  
\---> Emma: And if there’s a way we can assist in that, we will.

(The other teams are deciding who goes down)

Jen: (is strapping herself in) Let’s get this mining adventure done.

Tom: You’re not scared? It’s 7 miles down.

Jen: It’s really more a matter of depth than height so I think I’ll be fine.

Tom: Well okay then. Let’s secure our spot in the next round. Time to work my guns.

Jacques: Guns? More like toy props children play cowboys and Indians with. (Flexes left arm) This is a subatomic Uzi. You could never even hope to achieve this level of perfection.

Tom: If you’re the epitome of perfection then perfect needs to be redefined.

May: (Is doing some quick calculations in the snow) Okay if my calculations are correct a free fall of 10 seconds should get me more the 3/4th of the way down, meaning we save time and you save energy pulling me back up.

Sam: You sure this is safe?

May: At this point in the game, safety is only our 2nd concern. Efficiency is our number 1 priority. I’m ready to take the plunge.

Fabian: (notices Mays equation and gets an idea) Jordan, send me in a 10 second free fall.

Jordan: Even if May’s calculations are correct it’s calculated to her weight, not yours. You’ve got a good 40 pounds on her. That’s definitely going to make a big difference.

Fabian: Yeah, it’ll just send me further down the hole.

Jordan: Or you pancake 7 miles down.

Fabian: You wanted me to go on this show and take bold risks right? Well I think now is the time to take those risks.

Jordan: Alight.

Dwayne: (is about to lower junior into the pit) Junior are you sure you want to do this?

Junior: Like I’m strong enough to crank you to the bottom and back. I’m going to be fine, you’ve got nothing to worry about.

Dwayne: (hesitant) Okay then. Well here goes nothing. (Stars to gently lower Junior down, then all of a sudden the hole erupts with fire and a demon pops up out of it to drag Junior down to the underworld. He screams all the way down. Dwayne tries to reach for his son but it’s too late. He cries in anguish)

Junior: (voice) Dad? (Dwayne snaps back to it and sees that Junior is perfectly safe) Is something the matter?

Dwayne: (trying to be cool about it) No, no nothing is. Now let’s get you down. (Starts to crank him down. Carrie, Annie and Jen follow close behind)

Annie: (sings as she descends. Bhangra music plays) Into the deep we descend, to places that few have seen. Don’t know what’s exactly down there but that’s precisely why we seek.

Jen: (sings and prays) May we all make it back up and not get lost or fall.

Carrie: (sings) I hope someone will help me just in case I shriek or call.

All 3: (sing) Into the deep we descend and we’re all kind of scared. But Olympian animosity is a trait that we all share. They will not win if we do something yep that’s for sure, so into the deep we’re lowered and who knows just what’s in store? (They disappear from view)

(Tom and Devin seem kind of perplexed by the random musical moment that just happened)

Leo: (straight faced) Yeah, she has that effect on people.

(Down the hole)

Kitty: She smashed my light. What are we gonna do?

Emma: (over headset) Just feel around until you find one. We’ve still got time Kitt. A few teams are only just beginning their descent and the Cadets still aren’t here yet.

(On the frozen lake Sanders is trying to free MacArthur but MacArthur slaps her)

Sanders: Ow! Hey just let me do this!

MacArthur: Stop it! Ow! Let go!

(By the hole)

Josee: (takes off helmet) Easier than taking candy from a baby you hate.

Emma: (still cranking) Someday you’re gonna get what you’ve earned!

Josee: If you mean victory then that day is today. (She and Jacques walk off to the chill zone)

Kitty: (over headset) Emma I’m at the bottom.

Emma: (stops cranking) Thank god my arms are killing me.

(Deep Down)

Kitty: (is crawling around in the dark) I’m feeling around but it’s super spooky and I’m getting a little freaked out down here.

Emma: (over headset) You’ll be fine.

(Fabian and May are in the harnesses and over the hole)

Sam: You ready for this?

May: Yes. Drop me like I’m Death Valley! (Sam lets go and she starts to fall down, we can hear her yell get quieter and quieter. After 10 tedious seconds Sam pulls the lever to halt)

Sam: (to headset) May?

May: (over headset) I’m fine. Now continue to lower me the rest of the way down. (Sam complies)

Jordan: (to Fabian) Are you sure you can do this?

Fabian: (Deep breath, closes eyes, clenches gluteus maximus) Yes, please go! (Jordan lets go and Fabian falls down. After 10 of the longest seconds of her life Jordan grabs the lever and puts it to a halt)

Jordan: (to headset) Fabian, please tell me you’re okay.

Fabian: (over headset) I’m alive but I don’t want to open my eyes.

Jordan: (to headset) You need to do it. Count to 3 then open them.

Fabian: (over headset) Okay then.

(Down the hole. We see Fabian hanging)

Fabian: One, two three. (Opens eyes and turns on helmet. He looks up to see May making her way down. He speaks into headset) It worked perfectly! Lower me down! (Jordan complies)

(Chill zone. The ice dancers arrive)

Don: (arrives while still wearing a towel) Hey guys, here’s some familiar news to you. Because you didn’t go all the way down to the bottom of the bore hole to collect the ball as the tip instructed you’re getting a 30 minute penalty. (A big red 30:00 appears on the screen and begins to count down.) You’ve now officially obtained more penalties than all the other teams combined. (Points) Over there please. 

(The Ice dancers sit in the sauna)

Jacques: You know what, we’re not worried. We’ll still be in 1st place when the penalty is up and since when is a 30 minute steam bath a penalty?

Josee: True. (Both relax)

(Back on the frozen lake the cadets are nearing the bore hole)

Sanders: There it is!

MacArthur: Okay, I’ll hit the brake. (Tries to apply the break it but it just… breaks off)

Sanders: Oh no, we’re gonna fall down the hole!

MacArthur: Not if I can’t help it! (Gives her a rope) Tie this to the yacht (Sanders complies and ties it to the mast. MacArthur then ties herself up, grabs the garbage can and leaps onto the ice, essentially skiing without skis. The yacht comes to a screeching halt as it lays on the precipice of falling into the hole. MacArthur’s tongue finally gets released from the can) Ow! My tongue!

Emma: Ew!

Devin: Whoa.

Leo: That had to hurt.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: (she and Sanders are finally in their winter clothes) That good for nothing sugar plum fairy will get what’s coming to her, (points to Sanders) I swear on your good name.  
\---> Sanders: Why my name?  
\---> MacArthur: Well we both know my name is no good.

(At the bottom of the hole more people are searching for balls)

Kitty: (Turns to everyone else) Listen I know we’re all still on somewhat shacky ground since the last leg but could one of you help me? The ice dancers sabotaged me.

Annie: (walks up to her with a red ball in her hand) Sure. I’ve already got a ball.

Kitty: (To headset) Hear that Emma? Annie’s going to help me.

(On surface)

Emma: Yeah, yeah I get it.

(Down below)

Annie: (to headset) Leo I need you to swap headsets with Emma and then pull me up, ok? I’m switching helmets with Kitty so she has a light.

Leo: (over headset) No surprises there.

Annie: (Gives Kitty her helmet) Here you go.

Kitty: (gives Annie her helmet in return) Thanks Annie.

Annie: (ascends) Good luck.

(On the surface Sanders and MacArthur argue about who’s going down)

Sanders: The reason I’m hesitant is because you’re a little reckless and this is a 7 mile drop. I need to know that you’re not gonna do what you always do.

MacArthur: You mean get us to the chillzone?

Leo: (cranks the lever until eventually Annie rises up out of the hole) Yes! Let’s get you out of there and head on over to the chillzone!

Sanders: (Looks at MacArthur sternly) Don’t be reckless. (Straps herself into the harness)

(Annie gets out of her harness and she and Leo start running to the chillzone)

(At the bottom of the hole Carrie and Jen both find a ball and give the signal to be pulled up. May finds a ball and so does Fabian.)

Junior: (speaks into his head set while holding a ball in his right hand) Okay Dad I’ve got a ball, now I need you to pull me up- (Ascends at great speed) Whoa!

(Surface)

Dwayne: (Cranks at great speed) Time to get you back on level ground!

(At the steam bath the ice dancer’s penalty is almost up)

Josee: Our time should be up by now.

Don: (looks at watch) Actually it ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5 (Annie and Leo arrive at the chillzone) and you take silver again while the siblings win a trip to the Hermitage Museum and the Winter Palace. (The ice dancer’s penalty finally ends)

Leo/Annie: Yes! (hug each other while jumping up and down)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: I’m surprised how nonchalant you were at us getting 2nd place.  
\---> Josee: Well the steam bath was so nice how could I loose it? Don’t worry though I’ll throw a big tantrum later tonight. I’ll give you 5 minute warning so you can run. (Jacques looks worried)

(Back at the borehole Carrie and Jen surface next)

Carrie: Yes! Let’s go!

Jen: Central heating here we come!

(Both teams unstrap themselves from the harness as soon as possible and start to run)

Dwayne: (continues to crank) Come on Junior! (Junior resurfaces) Yes! (Helps get his son out of the harness.) Let’s go! (Grabs him and starts to run)

Junior: (dizzy) Hold on! I think I got a head rush!

(Fabian and May resurface next. Both quickly get out of the harnesses and both teams run)

(Chill zone)

Don: Congratulations best friends and bloggers, you take 3rd and 4th place respectively. (Both teams cheer and run off to the side) Father and Son you take 5th! (Dwayne and Junior cheer) Animaniacs 6th and Anime Nerds 7th! (Both teams breathe a sigh of relief and walk off) Only 2 teams are left, the race to stay in it is on!

(Borehole. Sanders is being lowered down)

Sanders: Okay half way there, this is a good pace.

(Surface. MacArthur is cranking away, then all of a sudden)

Kitty: (over headset) I found one!

Emma: Good job Kitty! I’m bringing you up! (Starts to crank her up)

MacArthur: (looks concerned) Sorry Sanders but it looks like we have to pick things up here!

Sanders: (over headset) MacArthur No!

(MacArthur lets go of the crank and Sanders start to fall. You can hear her screams over the headset)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: What? Kitty’s coming back up. Don’t worry I’m using algebra. 4 alligator. 5 alligator. 6 alligator. (Screen splits into a 2 way format so we can see MacArthur count and Sanders fall)

(As Kitty is beginning her ascension Sanders falls right past her)

Kitty: Whoa! (Sanders lands hard like the turtle that killed Aeschylus, she then groans)

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: That was unfreaking believable!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Good thing she’s already underground, cause that team is done for.

(Deep down the borehole Sanders cries out in anguish)

MacArthur: (To headset) You okay? You see any balls?

Sanders: (over headset) I think I broke an arm!

MacArthur: I probably misjudged the depth by one or 2 alligators.

(Chill zone)

Don: Sisters you are in 8th place! (Both cheer)

MacArthur: (voice over as we see MacArthur pull Sanders up, carry her to an ambulance and go to a hospital) It’s all my fault, me and my win at all cost attitude. My father always told me “Only losers don’t win so you better score that point or get that trophy or earn that ribbon or else you’re not a winner” (We see her waiting in the waiting room) Why can’t it be my arm? I hurt my partner and my best friend, if I even deserve to call her that anymore.

(Sometime later the cadets finally arrive at the chillzone all glum, Sanders has her left arm in a cast)

Don: Police cadets. I’m sorry to say but you’re the last team to arrive. However, this is a non-elimination round.

MacArthur: Yes!

Don: Sanders we’ve spoken with the doctors, they’ll allow you to continue racing if you feel like you can. The choice is yours but you have to make it now.

Sanders: (looks at MacArthur) Have you learned your lesson?

MacArthur: Yes! Yes! Yes! (kisses her feet) I’m so sorry.

Sanders: (sighs) I’m probably going to regret saying this but… Don, we’re still in the race!

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: I may have a handicap but I’m no quitter. Though from now on what I say goes, right?  
\---> MacArthur: (morose) Yes! (Leans onto her and cries)  
\---> Sanders: (deadpan) This’ll be fun.

Don: There are still 9 teams remaining in the hunt for the $ 1 million. Only on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again not to many changes from canon, though ice dancers don't win here. I'll admit this kind of wasn't my favorite chapter to write, mostly cause I hate cold places. Sanders still gets her arm broken but don't worry her team is still in it to win it. Favorite part of this episode: "They must work for Woody Allen cause i'm not laughing" 
> 
> Next episode: India
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Leo & Annie (1st Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (3rd Place)  
> Tom & Jen (4th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (5th Place)  
> Fabian & Jordan (6th Place)  
> Sam & May (7th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (8th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (9th Place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Geoff & Brody (10th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (12th place)  
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owenn & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	29. Darjeel With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The remaining teams must ride the rails and pick tea leaves in India, where both shameless cheating and remarkable teamwork are on full display

Don: Previously on the Ridonculous Race, our teams got frozen, down and dirty in Northwestern Russia. Some teams rose to the occasion, but Sanders plummeted, 7 miles down. Though her arm was broken her spirit wasn't and she and MacArthur are still in the race. When it seemed like the ice dancers would win despite their penalty, Leo and Annie showed us what good sportsmanship gets you. (He's in the steam bath from last time) Who's gonna survive this leg? Find out only on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera with a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don stands in next to the don box in the steam bath. Annie and Leo are next to him)

Don: Welcome back to Russia. Yesterday's winners (Loudly so the ice dancers can hear) the HONORABLE Leo and Annie are about to get today's 1st travel tip.

Annie: (presses the button and gets the tip) We’re going to Darjeeling, India.

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of India) Darjeeling, where the world's finest teas are grown. Like Assam, Nilgiri and several more I can't pronounce. Teams must fly to Bagdogra, India. Then take taxis to the mountains of Darjeeling and find the next Don Box.

(Back in Russia teams are running to find taxis and make it to the airport)

MacArthur: (Calls out) Taxi! (One arrives)

Emma: (jumps on it) Taxi! We call this one.

(The taxi takes off with the sisters)

Emma: (Kitty looks at her) What? Every second counts now.

Don: (Voice as the plane takes off and flies to India) Yeah but when every team is on the same flight it counts a little less.

(On the plane to India)

Fabian: (back in regular clothes) Warmth. Sweet, sweet warmth.

Jordan: And when we get to India, all the lassi we can drink.

Tom: I’ve always wanted to travel to the place where yoga was born.

Jen: Not to mention Bollywood fashion is always on point. Maybe I’ll buy myself a sari. I’ve always thought I’d look good in one.

Tom: I think I’ll buy myself a sarong.

Devin: (internal monologue) You've gotta do it Devin. You've got to tell her this leg of the race. You know she loves you and now it's time to reciprocate. But what if a meteor comes and squishes us both? Why am I even thinking of that?!

(In the row behind them, MacArthur accidentally touches Sanders cast arm and she winces)

MacArthur: Oh god I'm sorry, I didn't mean to it's just (starts to cry)

Sanders: Please stop crying, let's move on from it.

MacArthur: If that's what you want, then that's what I'll do. From here on in, whatever you say goes.

Sanders: You're really going to start taking orders from me? That'll be the day.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I know what you're all thinking. "MacArthur it's the final 9. You've carried your team this far, why change it up now?" (Sanders looks a bit mad) Well, sometimes friendship is more important.

(The plane lands. Teams exit and race for taxis)

Jordan: Taxi!

MacArthur: Hurry!

Josee: Take us to Darjeeling now!

(The 1st few taxis arrive at the Darjeeling Mountains)

Jacques: (he and Josee run to the don box) First place here we come! (They run off camera, when the camera catches up to them they are shown to be sweating and crawling on the ground) Heat to hot.

Emma: (hair gets frizzy) Ugh, this heat is bad for my hair.

Kitty: Tell me about it. (Her pigtails have frizzled into 2 little Pompoms)

Jordan: (she and Fabian step out) Whoa, talk about humid.

Fabian: I know, it's just like that trip I took with May's family to Washington DC to commemorate our high school graduation. Remeber that May?

May: (Her hair is also frizzy) How could I forget? The 1st dog ran over to my dad and started licking him like a chew toy.

Fabian: In all fairness your father is a very lickable man.

Sam: Good thing I decided not to wear makeup today. (Wipes sweat off arm) See? Quality ink doesn't run.

Tom: Good thing we wear antiperspirant deodorant.

Jen: Yeah but we really should've brought some antiperspirant clothing.

MacArthur: (walking over) Whoa, it's so hot I could cook rice in my armpits.

Sanders: TMI.

(Junior and Leo both take off their jackets and tie them around their waists)

Annie: (is the first at the don box, she presses the button and reads the tip) Oh Tea Time. I hope its iced tea.

Don: (has his own personal tiny fan) Wouldn't that be nice? But alas no. (Don stands next to a woman harvesting tea by picking the leaves and putting them in a basket on her back) Each racer must strap on one of these baskets and fill it to the brim with these tea leaves. (Don is now seen in a tea shop and walks to another woman) Teams must then bring their baskets to this local, if she approves of their haul she'll give them their next tip.

(Teams start picking leaves, which sound simple enough but in this heat it's laborious)

May: Maybe I shouldn't have worn so many dark colors.

Jordan: I’m actually glad I got that involuntary haircut.

Fabian: (gets blinded by the shiny reflection of Annie’s hair, he moves off elsewhere)

Jen: (both she and Tom are wearing visor hats) God it's hot.

Tom: Maybe if we don’t think about the heat it won’t affect us.

Devin: Yeah, keep holding onto that dream.

Carrie: Come on guys we've got this, we just need to approach it one leaf at a time.

Annie: (hums "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes" while picking leaves)

Leo: If birds and mice start picking the leaves for us, I'd be totally fine with that.

Junior: Who willingly does this?

Sam: The dirt poor and/or desperate. Be thankful you live in a developed country. Or at the very least a modern city.

May: My great grandmother spent many summer days picking fruit alongside the Mexican migrant workers who supply people like Laurie and Miles with their “organic cruelty free produce” If she can do it so can I.

(The ice dancers approach the cadets)

Josee: The time to bring down the sisters is now. Well, actually it was last round but someone had an accident.

Jacques: Tough break. (Laughs but the cadets just look at him like "really?") What? Too soon?

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: A broken arm is no excuse for failure. During the middle of one performance I completely messed the trick up. Sure I broke an arm, dislocated my jaw, smashed 2 fingers, sprained an ankle and chipped 4 teeth, yet I still won through perseverance. (Smiles, one of her tooth caps pops off and falls to the ground, she quickly picks it up and puts it back in her mouth)

(All 4 can see the sisters harvesting away)

Josee: All we have to do is open the bottom of their baskets without them noticing, but we need a diversion.

MacArthur: I'm just the girl you need. I can do real injuries, fake injuries, bird calls, cat calls, goat calls, dog calls, even ox mating calls. Check this out. (Roars like a bull)

Sanders: Ahem? I'm the one calling the shots now, remember? And I've decided that we aren't getting involved. I don't want a penalty. (Both start to walk off)

Jacques: But it's perfect. They don't suspect a thing.

Sanders: Then maybe you can do it.

Josee: Wanna be like that? Fine! Then this round it's every team for themselves! That means you’re caught in our crossfires! (Both walk off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: Leadership is tough but you can't question your own decisions.  
\---> MacArthur: Yeah, that's my job.

Annie: (she and Leo overheard this) Hear that? I guess our axis of evil has fallen like the axis powers.

Leo: Aw and I was going to get us all monogrammed jackets.

Fabian: (pops up) You know of a place you can get those? Cause, I've got this great t-shirt design for "Movie Makeover" on Syfy and I've been trying to sell it to them but I don't really have enough clothes making skills to-

Leo: I was being sarcastic.

Fabian: Oh uh okay. (Goes back to work)

Sam: Damn, I think Britney Spears' 2nd marriage lasted longer than our alliance. 

Junior: Might I just say thank you for not going the obvious route with Kim Kardashian?

Sam: All my pleasure.

Dwayne: What is the point of that family again? I know they're related to the OJ Simpson trial somehow but seriously what have they done that is culturally significant since then?

May: I can recite Pi to 100 digits and I still can't answer that for you.

Jen: How do people do this all day?

Tom: I'll never be able to drink tea again without remembering all the work and labor that goes into making it. (Looks up to the sky) Why are there no clouds?!

Carrie: (Has to wring her hair out) My hair is soaked. (Shakes her head. Devin sees her golden hair glistening in the light and the tiny water droplets only adding sheen to her beauty. Harmonious sitar music plays)

Devin: (lovey dovey) Wow.

(Emma and Kitty are still picking away, they turn to their right and notice Jacques and Josee harvesting like it's no big deal)

Emma: Could you mind picking somewhere else?

Jacques: And just where do you have in mind?

Emma: Anywhere but here. We both know you're up to something.

Kitty: Yeah, how naive do you think we are?

Jacques: Pardon moi?

Josee: (covers his mouth with her hand) Hold up. You know, you're right. But we're not here to cheat against you, we're here to cheat with you. Let's form a new alliance and together we can eliminate the Father and Son.

Kitty: Why should we believe you?

Josee: Cause when we see weakness we attack it, and right now they are the weakest team left.

(Camera pans over to Dwayne and Junior picking leaves, suddenly Dwayne pulls a cobra out of the bushes. Both yell and he chucks it to the wayside)

Kitty: She may have a point there.

Emma: Yeah, the longer Dwayne stays in the race the greater a danger he becomes to himself and to his son. (Unbeknownst to them Josee open the bottom of their baskets and the leaves fall out)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (laughs) You are good.  
\---> Josee: I know, sometimes I even impress myself.

Kitty: Thanks but no thanks, we're not interested in cheating.

Emma: And if Dwayne's luck in past episodes is any indication he'll find a way to eliminate himself.

Kitty: And above all, we're better than that.

Josee: Okay, play it safe, but it's your funeral. (Both walk off) 

Kitty: It felt good telling them to beat it, playing dirty never wins. (Both start to pick more leaves but then Emma notices something)

Emma: Kitty does your basket feel lighter than it was before? (Both turn their heads and see their baskets open and their leaves on the ground. Suddenly a breeze blows their leaves away) I can't believe it, they tricked us by pretending they weren't tricking us! (Jacques and Josee are seen running to the tea shop in the distance while laughing haughtily)

Kitty: We hate you!

Don: (voice) All the teams are scrambling to finish first. But who will it be? Whose drive and determination will launch them into 1st place, ahead of everyone else- (The Ice Dancers interrupt his voice over by hopping right in front of him) You again? Forget this I'm going to the chill zone. (Walks off)

Josee: (presents the woman with their baskets) It's all there. (The woman gives them their next tip and she reads it) Get sent reeling on the Darjeeling.

Don: (voice over as we see a train docked in a train station) This is the Darjeeling Express. (Walks down the train station) Train carts alternate between people, animal, people, animal, and so on. Each team will be assigned to one of the passenger cars based on the order in which they arrive. (Stands on the front cart) But here's the kicker, before the train reaches the chill zone station, teams will have to fight their way here to the front cart in order to exit.

(Leo/Annie and Sanders/MacArthur are seen giving the lady their tea baskets and getting onto the 2nd and 3rd passenger cars respectively)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: We may be down one hand but we're still in this.  
\---> MacArthur: Besides I'm used to working shorthanded anyway. (Sanders looks a bit angry at her)

(Jordan/Fabian and Sam/May are seen giving the lady their tea baskets and getting onto the next 2 passenger cars)

Sam: I love The Darjeeling Limited!

May: Just don’t take any unnecessary baggage on board.

Sam: Oh please I’ve been traveling light this whole season.

(Carrie/Devin and Tom/Jen are seen giving the lady their tea baskets and getting onto the next 2 passenger cars)

Tom: (searches around) Do you think this train has a drink service?

(Back in the tea fields, the sisters and father/son are still picking away)

Emma: I think we’re making progress.

Junior: It’s pointless, we’re never gonna be able to race in this heat.

Dwayne: Junior remember what I said” Never say never”. We may lose, but we will lose on our feet and not our knees.

Junior: But we’re only half full and the sisters are advancing on us.

Dwayne: Then I guess we’ll just have to pull out all the stops! Literally! Hiya! (Rips out a large bushel full of leaves from the tea plant and puts it in his basket. He then rips out another one and puts it in Junior’s bag) Let’s go! (Both run to the tea lady. Junior looks kind of stunned at his father)

Emma: Finished! (They run to the tea lady as well)

(The tea lady gives Emma and Kitty their tip. She seems kind of befuddled by the harvest Dwayne and Junior have brought in.)

Tea Lady: Good enough for me. (Gives them their next tip)

(The Sisters and Father/Son board the train last. It whistles and starts to chug along the tracks)

Don: (voice) The train is off. And it goes Ice Dancers, Siblings, Cadets, Animaniacs, Anime Nerds, Best Friends, Bloggers, Sisters and Father/Son. (His voice then appears over the trains PA system) Attention teams in cabins 2-9. You are free to make your way to cabin 1…. Now!

(Front Cabin)

Jacques: We’re seriously just supposed to sit here and allow them to catch up to us?

Josee: Looks like it…(beat) well this is boring, let’s bury them. (Both step outside and notice the bolt connecting the train carts) They can’t get to our car if they aren’t attached to it. Well what are you waiting for? Un-attach us! (Jacques tries to pull the bolt but it’s in there pretty tight)

(We see Annie and Leo gingerly make their way across the train’s couplers)

Annie: Aren’t we lucky? We only have to make our way across one car. (Opens the door to the next train car and Leo takes a goat to the gut and gets knocked back into the previous door) Okay maybe not as easy as originally perceived.

(We see MacArthur and Sanders approach their next cabin)

Sanders: (motions) After you.

MacArthur: (kicks the door open revealing one angry load of bull. He snorts and MacArthur snorts back)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: (Outside the train car) I know I should say something but when she gets that look in her eye it’s kind of hard to say no.

(Both MacArthur and the bull stomp their ground, lock eyes, snort and charge! A loud crash noise can be heard from the outside. Sanders winces)

Sanders: Oh, that poor bull.

(We see Jordan and Fabian jump to their next cabin, or rather Jordan does)

Jordan: Come on man it’s not that far of a leap. (Fabian seems hesitant but he jumps and makes it the other cart) Good. Now let’s make it to the next cabin. (Opens the door and in the next cabin both see... Cobras! One hisses at them and slithers to the door but they close the door in time)

Fabian: Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?!

Jordan: Yeah, that really is cliché.

Fabian: Let’s wait for May to come, snakes actually seem to listen to her.

Jordan: No time.

Fabian: But she’s just 2 cars behind us!

Jordan: Yeah but I bet my future Oscar in screenwriting that Jacques and Josee are doing some form of sabotage in the head cabin. We need to make it there ASAP, even without Sam or May. (Notices the ladder on the side leading up to the roof) We’ll have to travel by roof. (Climbs it)

Fabian: I think we can wait.

Jordan: No time, come on!

Fabian: (Puts hand on the first ladder rung and as he prepares to climb he remembers his 1st day of high school and how he and May tried to hop the fence. May was successful, Fabian got a wedgie. He hesitantly climbs up to the cabin roof.)

Jordan: Come on I got ya. (Pulls him up onto the roof) Okay now it’s no different than hopping from coupler to coupler. (Both run across the roof and out of the sunroof pops a cobra, which wraps itself around Fabian) AAAHH!

Fabian: Gets this mother (trains whistle blows) snake off this mother (train whistle blows again) train!! (Before the snake can strike a lion tailed macaque comes out of nowhere and unravels the snake off him like a whip and then tosses it off the train. Don’t worry the snake is fine, you know if you actually care for venomous predatory reptiles, like the Ice Dancers) What the?

(The macaque runs back to the rear of the train car where it perches on the shoulder of Sam, he and May have made it to the roof. Along with a myriad of monkeys like western hoolock gibbon, rhesus macaque, pig-tailed macaque, golden langur, hanuman langur, and nilgiri langur)

Sam: Nice job Percy. (Pets the macaque)

Jordan: I’ll ask. What the Helicoprion?

May: They were in the car in front of us but rather than fight our way through we negotiated with them.

Fabian: Amazingly that’s only the 8th weirdest thing I’ve seen competing on this show. 

Jordan: Well come on! Let’s make it to the head cabin! (All 4 run with the monkeys following)

(We see Carrie and Devin hop their way across the couplers)

Devin: Hey Carrie can I tell you something?

Carrie: Can it wait until we make it the head car?

Devin: No I need to say it now. (Inhales deeply) Carrie I- (Carrie opens the next door and out of it pops a tiger which roars right in Devin’s face. Carrie quickly closes it)

Carrie: Wow that was close! What were you going to say? (Turns and can see that Devin is pale in the face and frozen mid-sentence)

Devin: (shell shocked) Let’s make it to the head car. (Climbs up the ladder on the side and onto the roof)

Carrie: Good thinking. (Follows him)

(We see Tom and Jen about to enter their next car)

Tom: Whatever’s in there, we can face it.

Jen: After getting up close and personal with those dragons nothing scares me anymore. (Opens the door and we can see a bunch of pigs) Well that’s anticlimactic. (One pig looks at them weird) Why is it staring at us like that? (Through the pigs POV we see Tom and Jen as gingerbread people. It licks its lips and charges at them)

Tom: Close the door! (Jen closes the door just in time. From the other side we can hear the pig’s hungry squeals) Okay walking through the car is no longer an option.

Jen: Then we’ll have to do it assassin’s creed style. Up on the roof! (Climbs the ladder)

Tom: Protect me Louis Vuitton! (Follows her)

(We see Emma and Kitty about to enter the car in front of them)

Emma: (opens the door and inside is a bunch of live poultry) Hope you like chicken.

Kitty: Let’s do it on 3. (Both get ready and set) One... Two… Three! (Both run inside and the chickens attack. Clucking, squawking and screaming is heard and both the sisters run back out with scratches on their faces)

Emma: I guess I can no longer use chicken as an insult anymore.

Kitty: (coughs up a little chick) I’m not even gonna ask how that happened.

Emma: What now? There’s 7 more cars just like this.

Kitty: I’ve got an idea. You know how most trains have signs that say “please keep your hands inside the car at all times”? Well this one doesn’t.

(Both of the sisters are now on the roof of the chicken car and are making their way across)

Emma: This is so unsafe!

Kitty: If you wanted to be safe you should’ve come here in a suit of armor!

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: Knowing what I know now, that’s actually not a bad idea. I do wonder how I’d get it past customs though.

(Dwayne and Junior approach their next car. Dwayne opens the door and inside is a sleeping bear.)

Dwayne: (whispers to his son) Maybe if we’re really quiet we can sneak past it. (Both proceed to walk forward with catlike tread. As they get closer to the bear it starts to growl in its sleep. They quietly walk backwards and the growling stops so they try and tip toe forward again but the growling starts up again. They notice a pattern, the closer they get to it the louder the growling, the farther they get the quieter the growling. After a while both just tip toe back out the cabin and close the door) Okay that’s not gonna work, we need a plan B.

Junior: (notices the side latter) I’ve got one but it’s pretty risky. (Both climb up to the top of the roof) Now we just have to make it to the front.

Dwayne: Yeah only 150 perilous feet between us and salvation. Well, let’s go! (Both proceed to run and hop across the roof tops, they meet up with Tom/Jen, Emma/Kitty, Carrie/Devin, Sam/May, and Jordan/Fabian. Nobody even bothers to question why Sam has a legion of monkeys following him since there are more important matters at hand)

(Back at the front cart Jacques is still trying to pull the bolt out)

Jacques: (straining) I’m going to pull a muscle!

Josee: (looks at a lever on the side) Certainly not a brain muscle that’s for sure. (Points to the lever for Jacques)

Jacques: Dieu Merci! (Gets up and pulls the lever, their part of the train gets unhooked from the rest) Bon Voyage! (Suddenly Annie and Leo get head-butted by another goat and are knocked right into Josee and the cabin) Josee! (Goes inside to check on her and closes the door. He notices all 3 are on the floor and kind of dazed)

Annie: (calls out) Thank you Mr. Goat. (Goat bleat is heard)

(Outside every other team, save for the cadets, is on the roof of the car that just got unhooked)

Kitty: What are we gonna do?!

Sam: Monkey squad! Bridge formation! Go!

(The monkeys form a bridge by making 2 high stacks, both of which fall down and reach the roof of the head train car, more monkeys then run across and form rungs with their tails and hands. The carts are now kind of connected again)

Sam: That won’t hold forever, come on! (Runs across it to other side)

May: (infatuated) What a racer am I right?

Emma: That’ll be one to tell the grand kids. (She, Kitty, Carrie, Jordan, May and Junior run across the makeshift bridge to the other roof, then they climb down onto the platform)

Junior: (calls out to the other side) Come on guys!

Jordan: It’s surprisingly stable!

(Before Devin can cross the bridge next the bull busts out from the car below and runs off. The monkeys are so startled they let go of each other, thankfully all of them fall to the side of tracks and roll away. The train cars drift apart)

Sam: (reaches out for them) My army! (Starts to cry but Jordan consoles him)

MacArthur: (she and Sanders exit the busted train car and notice the detached front cabin) You all tried to sabotage us!? I thought you were better than that!

Junior: (pointing) Why would we sabotage our own teams?! (Sanders and MacArthur look up and notice Devin, Dwayne, Fabian and the bloggers waving to them all shy on the roof)

Sanders: Jacques and Josee?

Kitty: Yep.

Dwayne: (Calls out) We’re gonna have to run for it!

Junior: Well be quick!

Devin: (Calls out) Carrie!

Carrie: Yes?

Devin: I-I-I- (The Bloggers listen in closely) I won’t let you down! (Both of the bloggers exclaim)

Carrie: I know you won’t. (The train carts move farther apart. She turns to Emma) He won’t right?

Emma: He’s still racing with you even after your big confession in Australia. If that’s not dedication I don’t know what is.

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: (repeatedly smacks book into face) What the hell is the matter with me?!

(The detached part of the train finally comes to a stop. The cadets, bloggers, Devin, Dwayne, and Fabian all start to run)

Sanders: Come on!

(Head Car. Outside, May is trying to pick the lock with Sam’s piercings. Inside, well... let’s just say dung is about to hit the fan)

Jacques: (tosses the siblings off Josee) Get off of her you animals!

Leo: (both get up) Animals?! We’re not the ones who just disconnected 77% of the competition! You’ve been pulling a lot of below the belt stunts since Zambia but that really takes the cake, the pie AND the whole damn bakery!

Josee: Does the term “$1 million prize” not mean anything to you?!

Annie: Does the term “internationally televised program” not mean anything to either of you myopic misanthropes?

Josee: How dare you speak to me like that?! I'm a household name in every corner of Canada!

Leo: So is the Mr. Clean toilet bowl scrubber, are you 2 related? You look a lot alike.

Josee: Oh so it's gonna be like that huh? Fine! (Gets up in his face) Has anybody ever told you you've got a great face for radio?

Leo: Yeah and they must've been the same person who told you to wear that outfit on TV.

Josee: I'd like to insult you but it looks like already nature beat me to it.

Leo: Does Hades know you're not doing your job of guarding the gates of the underworld?

Josee: Did you say something, or was that the wind?

Leo: Clearly when God made you he was experimenting.

Josee: You could talk your head off all day long and never miss it.

Leo: You'd make a fortune renting yourself out as a hot air balloon inflator

Josee: Last time I saw a mouth as big as yours it was swallowing a whole school of sardines.

Leo: I should always travel with you right next to me, that way I'd always look great. 

Josee: Don't be humble. You're not that great.

Leo: You've lost the art of conversation, but unfortunately not the power of speech.

Josee: We're all descended from apes, and in your case it really shows.

Leo: You've got all the sensitivity of a blunt ax.

Josee: Out of all the sperm cells how did you cross the finish line first?

Leo: You've got Van Gogh's ear for music.

Josee: And you've got Stevie Wonder's eye for color.

Leo: You're a good example as to why the Tasmanian she devil eats most of her joeys.

Josee: If your feet could run as fast your mouth then maybe you'd finally prove to be a worthy competitor.

Leo: Could you say that again? This time like a big girl?

Josee: Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.

Leo: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Cause thou hast no class.

Josee: You're not worth the dirt you'll be buried in.

Leo: You're a great arithmetician, you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention and multiply ignorance.

Josee: I've been called worse things by better people.

Leo: If you're going to be 2 faced at least one of them should be pretty.

Josee: I could drink a whole can of alphabet soup and vomit up a smarter response than that.

Leo: If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a terrible warning.

Josee: There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. Allow me to speed up the process! (Grabs a knife and throws it at him, he miraculously dodges in time. She then runs at him and prepares to kick him in the groin but all she does is hurt her foot) AAAAHHH! (Clutches foot in pain and hops up and down)

Jordan: (May has finally picked the lock and everyone enters the cabin) What in Avatar Kyoshi’s name?!

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: The one piece of advice my grandfather gave me before going on this show was “Always travel protected”. (Pulls pants down to reveal he’s wearing a crotch protector similar to a hockey player) Been wearing it since day one.

Josee: Jacques, destroy him!

Jacques: (Prepares to run at him but then he takes a serving platter to the face, courtesy of Annie, and he falls to the ground)

Annie: Oops, I didn’t see you there. (Laughs a little)

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: Damn it feels good to be naughty.

(The other people in the cabin start to laugh)

Jacques: Assez! (Gets up, grabs some food and throws it at Annie, only to miss and instead hit May)

May: (Stops laughing and looks at him very stern. Everyone else shuts up and she walks up to him) Listen very, very closely you tiny little man. You can threaten me all you like, slander my name all over the place, knock me down, step on my face, kick my dog, burn my house down, steal my car, even assault me by throwing a fruit jam jar, but let's get one thing straight. Nobody, but nobody f*cks with the hair! (Grabs him by the hair and dunks his face into a bowl of soup, luckily for him its gazpacho)

Jacques: (pulls head out) The citric acid burns my retinas!

Carrie: Good! (Another dessert is thrown at her, this time by Josee. Carrie does not look happy)

Jordan: Food fight everyone! (Camera zooms outside and a massive food fight breaks out as evidenced by food splattering onto the windows)

(Fabian, Tom, Jen, Devin, Sanders, MacArthur and Dwayne are seen running along the train tracks)

Fabian: (panting) Gotta make it! Can’t let Jordan down!

Devin: Me neither!

MacArthur: Going over the cars why didn’t I think of that?

Sanders: (To Dwayne) You’re the only ones who didn’t make it to head cabin?

Dwayne: Yep. It looks it’s down to one of our teams on the chopping block this leg.

Jen: We need a way to catch up, and fast! (All of them stop and notice the exhausted bull)

Sanders: I think I’ve got an idea.

MacArthur: Well I’ve got a better one. (Goes up to the bull and yells) SIT! (The bull complies)

Sanders: Well my idea was to ride it so this is going great.

MacArthur: See? We are on the same page. (Both hop onto the bull) Sorry but there’s only room for 2.

Tom: I’ve already ridden on 2 more bulls than I ever wanted to so this doesn’t really bother me.

Sanders: Good luck!

MacArthur: HIYA! (Kicks the bull in its side and it runs off like there’s no tomorrow and for one of our remaining teams there won’t be)

Fabian: Well that’s good for them but what are the rest of us going to do? There’s no way we can catch up to the train on foot.

Dwayne: Well if the ice dancers past is any indication, they’ll be sure to get another penalty after they pulled that lever.

Jen: Yeah but their past also proves that they’ll still be in the race no matter how big that penalty is. Unless of course we find a mode of transportation.

Devin: (Calls out) GUYS! (Everyone turns and sees him next to 3 regular bikes and 1 tandem bicycle) I found us all bikes!

Tom: That’s incredibly lucky. Who just leaves 4 bicycles out here in the open?

(Cutaway gag. Somewhere in the forest we see a tiger napping complacently, it then coughs up an article of clothing.)

Jen: Well if they didn’t want them stolen they wouldn’t have left them here. Let’s ride!

(All 5 put on helmets, cause remember kids you can never be too safe, even on this blatantly suicidal program. Devin and Dwayne take the singular bikes while Tom and Jen ride the tandem bike. All 4 of them race for the chill zone. Fabian stays far behind them and hasn’t moved)

Tom: Fabian come on! Those glorified Zamboni machines aren’t going to take us out that easy!

Fabian: (doesn’t really know what to do)

(Flashback. We are now treated to brief montage of Fabian learning, and failing, how to ride a bike. We see his first experience when he’s 5 and his family watches as he rides across the sidewalk, then all of a sudden he gets plowed down by a Great Dane gone lose, it’s owner runs after the big dog. We see his next experience when he’s 9 trying to ride his bike along a fence, only for a Great Dane to hop up and bark loudly, scaring him off and making him ride into a tree, which promptly falls on him. We then see him try at it again at the age of 16, May is by his side and he tries to turn only to get knocked over by a car that stops too late. May looks inside the car and sees a Great Dane at the driver’s seat and a person in the passenger’s seat. The passenger proclaims “I can explain”)

Fabian: Come on Fabian it’s easy. Just pedal. (Proceeds to pedal but he has trouble maintaining his balance) Pedal. Pedal. Pedal. Pedal! (He’s going faster) Yes! I’ve got it! (Bike suddenly veers left into the forest, he can’t control it) I don’t got it! (Screams as he disappears into the woods without delay)

Devin: (Pedals vigorously) I’m coming Carrie!

Tom: I think he’s gonna tell her.

Jen: Well let’s make sure we’re there when he does. (Both pedal faster)

Dwayne: Can’t let my son down! (Puts the pedal to the metal)

(At the train station the Darjeeling Express pulls in. The whistle blows and the train comes to a complete stop. Don waits for the teams to arrive)

Josee: (Exits the train covered in food) First place! (Runs to the chill zone with Jacques following closely behind)

Jacques: (Calls out to the other teams) Dans ton putain de visage! (Both plant all 4 feet on the finish line)

Don: Ice dancers… 60 minute penalty! (A big red 60:00 appears on the screen and begins to count down. They grimace)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Don’s just jealous cause we’re more attractive and talented than him.

(As the ice dancers lay off to side all unhappy everyone else hops off the train, covered in food I might add, and runs to the carpet of completion. It goes Sisters, Siblings, Anime nerds, Carrie, Jordan and Junior)

Don: And the real winners are the much more attractive and likeable Emma and Kitty. (The sisters hug each other while jumping and down and cheering) You’ve won your own tour of the Taj Mahal! (Both high 5) Also still in the running are siblings in 2nd and the Anime Nerds in 3rd. Meanwhile 3 of you need a partner and 2 teams aren’t even here.

Jordan: (to Carrie and Junior) Have faith guys they won’t let us down.

Carrie: She’s right, they’ll get the job done somehow. They always do. 

Junior: I hope so.

Leo: Hey Don can we get a shower here? Preferably one that’s not coming out of a hose?

Don: Sure. (Pulls out a flute and plays a Willy Wonka like tune. On cue arrives an Asian elephant, dressed elaborately I might add, it then uses its trunk to drink up some water and then spray it on the soiled contestants)

Sam: (Starts to undress)

Don: Listen I really like you but this is a family show, so please keep your clothes on.

Sam: If by family you mean “The Bundys”. (Stands underneath the trunk shower in his underwear.)

Josee: Attention Hog. (Elephant sprays some water right in her and Jacques’ faces)

(We can see the stragglers, minus Fabian, pedal away like bats out of hell.)

(Some time later, everyone waits around for the remainders and distempered mooing is heard. Everyone turns and sees the cadets arriving on the bull. It finally collapses out of exhaustion and they get off it and run to the chill zone.)

Don: Cadets take 4th. (Both high 5. MacArthur flips Josee off and she looks angry)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: Of course I would’ve loved to come in 1st, but placing higher than those snow jerks is good enough for me. (To Sanders) Good idea not to join them. 

(A long while later the ice dancers penalty is almost done but still the bottom 5 are nowhere to be seen.)

Jordan: (to Don) How much longer does their penalty last?

Don: (looks at watch) Less than 2 minutes. (To the Ice dancers) It pains me to say this but you may just about scrape by again.

Josee: Uh duh!

May: (sees something) Look! Yonder on horizon in dramatic fashion! (Over the hill we can see our bottom 4 pedaling their hearts out. It goes Devin, Dwayne and Bloggers)

Leo: Here they come!

Carrie/Jordan/Junior: (All 3 hug) We’re gonna make it!

MacArthur: (To the ice dancers) Any last words?

Annie: I don’t see Fabian!

Jordan: Oh no! (Rustling is heard from the nearby bushes and out of them comes…. Fabian! His bicycle is covered in all manner of Indian birds and is out of control.) FABIAN!

Fabian: (Screams as his out of control bike crashes into the station stairs and somersaults him onto the chill zone face first, birds go flying everywhere.)

Don: And the Animaniacs are still in it at 5th place! (People cheer)

Jordan: (goes up to her boyfriend) Are you okay? What happened?

Fabian: (Dazed) I don’t even know anymore. I’m just thankful I wore the helmet.

Dwayne: I think Fabian made it!

Tom: And we’re about to make it too! (All 3 bikes literally fall apart on them. They just lay there confused until…)

Jen: Run for it!

Carrie/Junior: (hold eachother close) Come on!

(All 4 run for the chill zone, slow-mo style, as Powerman by The Kinks plays. Everyone looks at them tentatively. The final few seconds of the ice dancer’s penalty run out. A loud buzzing noise goes off and the ice dancers quickly move onto the carpet of completion)

Don: (unhappy) Ice Dancers, 6th place. (Both breathe a sigh of relief) As much as I hate to do it one of these teams is going home, but which one?!

(In the final sprint all 4 climb up the steps and arrive at the chill zone near simultaneously. All are panting a lot)

Everyone, sans Ice Dancers: Who made it?!

Don: Tablet. (A producer gives him a tablet, he rewinds it and reviews the footage of the final sprint carefully until he has the verdict. He looks morose)…… Fashion Bloggers. (They look nervous) I’m sorry but you were the last team to arrive so this marks the end of your participation in the race. You’re out. Auf Wiedersehen.

Bloggers: (sighs of unhappiness)

Dwayne/Devin: (sighs of relief)

Tom: That’s what we get for paying homage an underrated film.

Junior: (hugs his father) Dad you made it!

Dwayne: (Pants) Like I say, “never say never.”

Carrie: (to Devin) You okay homie, you look kind of exhausted.

Devin: (Pants) You don’t know the half of it. My soul is screaming.

Jen: Like mine isn’t?

Carrie: So sorry you have to go.

Tom: To be honest we’re sorrier about who else is still in it. But at least that includes you 2.

Jen: (Hands her their contact information) Promise us the 1st thing you do after winning is call us. We want an exclusive interview.

Carrie: I promise.

Jen: (she and Tom both face Devin) Oh and Devin?

Devin: (Exhausted) What?

Jen: Just remember, do all that you can on this show and don’t let any opportunity go to waste.

Tom: Carpe Diem.

Devin: I promise I will. (Thumbs up)

Annie: (hugs them) Bye guys!

Sam: Here’s a little something to remember me by. (Gives Jen an ear piercing.)

Jen: (Weirded out) Thanks.

Tom: Hey Junior, keep holding onto that hat it suits you.

Jen: And Sanders you really rock that cast.

Tom/Jen: Bye! (They wave everyone off and almost everyone waves back to them)

Don: Good people. (Faces the camera) Who won’t survive the next set of challenges? Well you all know who I hope doesn’t, but the only way to find out is to keep watching the Ridonculous Race! (Smiles for the camera)

=== Best of Tom and Jen === (Flashbacks are now shown of the best moments of Tom and Jen in the Ridonculous Race. Tom and Jen voice over as it happens)

Tom: (voice) Well, that was insane.

Jen: (voice) That's putting it mildly. You couldn’t make this stuff up.

Tom: (voice) I’m proud of us getting this far. I bet 90% of the viewers didn’t expect us to make it past episode 7, even I thought our goose would be cooked long before now.

Jen: (voice) This race has taught me several things. For starters, don’t trust anyone who consciously wears more than a pound of rhinestones and sequins. Second it’s only reaffirmed my most cherish thought, namely that you were the best partner I could ever ask for.

Tom: (voice) And you are mine. I’m not calling a failure at all.

Jen: (voice) After all the times we nearly died, living to tomorrow is reward enough. So yay us!

Tom: (voice) Doing this race tested us to the best of our abilities and even though we didn’t score a perfect 100 I think we passed. We did great, greater than great even.

Jen: (voice) And just think about how much publicity this’ll generate for the blog.

Tom: (voice) Not to mention we meet so many good people. Aaron, Yves, Syd, Dani, Geoff, Brody, Dwayne, Junior, Sam, May, Jordan, Fabian, June, Quince, Annie, Leo and of course Devin and Carrie. You think Devin will ever tell Carrie the truth?

Jen: (voice) I know he will. I just wish we can be there to see it in person.

(We see both of them follow the tracks away from the train station)

Jen: So what do we do now?

Tom: Sari, but I don’t have any ideas.

Jen: (laughs) You. (Punches him playfully) To the open air markets! (Both start running off into the sunset)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm getting back into the swing of things with this chapter. More teams meant the train sequence lasted longer and frankly that's where my magic really shines, climactic action and peril. Devin still can't spit it out but that will all come to ahead next chapter. My oc's once again show why they're the boss or bosses. And so brings an end to Tom and Jen's story on the race, I'm so glad I was able to keep them racing this much farther than in canon. Favorite part: The monkey squad, the "snakes on a plane" reference, the bike riding flashback, the "Darjeeling Unlimited" allusions, and of course the insult fest.
> 
> Next episode: Greece
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Emma & Kitty (1st Place)  
> Leo & Annie (2nd Place)  
> Sam & May (3rd Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (4th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (5th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (6th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior/Devin & Carrie (7th Place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Tom & Jen (9th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th place)   
> Crimson & Ennui (12th place)   
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owenn & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	30. Acropolis Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The teams venture to Greece where they must accomplish 12 herculean tasks. Will anyone be tossed into Tartarus?

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams exchanged the blistering cold of Russia for the blistering heat of India. Sanders wore both the cast and the pants on her team, the axis of evil quickly fell apart and we almost had a murder on the Darjeeling Express. In a frenzied fracas to secure the last spot the bloggers got sent home. (Is seen walking around the train station chill zone from last time) We’re down to the final 8. (Is surrounded by circles containing the final 8 teams) Who will go home after today’s set of challenges? Time to find out here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don is standing in front of the camera next to a Don Box at the Chill Zone from last episode in India.)

Don: Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race! Yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. And the first ones to leave are Emma and Kitty.

(They run to the Don Box and grab the tip)

Emma: (reads the tip) We’re going to Athens, Greece. Huh?

Kitty: (pulls her sister in close) 1st place selfie 1st! (Takes photo)

Don: (stands in a slideshow show of Greece. Rebetiko plays) Greece is a land of well over 6000 islands. It’s also the birthplace of democracy, feta cheese, many iconic monsters and The Huffington Post. (Is shown standing next to the Acropolis ruins) Teams will book passage to Athens and then race here to the Acropolis to find their next don box tip. Oopah! (Someone throws a vase at his head which breaks) Ow! (Holds head) Who even started that stupid tradition?!

(In India teams find taxis quick and all give the same command)

Everyone: Drive! (Taxis take off)

Don: (Voice) The race to make it to the airport first is on!

(Inside the cab carrying the cadets)

Sanders: The sisters are in the lead, and they’re pretty strong competitors. But the only team I want to eliminate are those annoying ice dancers.

MacArthur: Leave them to me. I know how to hurt people. (Sanders raises her cast) Oh right. (Cries into her lap)

(Inside the cab carrying the bf’s)

Carrie: You feeling better today?

Devin: Much better. I can’t believe I slept for 12 hours last night. I didn’t think people our age could do that.

Carrie: But we’re not even 20.

Devin: I know. (Both laugh a little)

(With Dwayne and Junior we see that their taxi is unable to move forward due to an elephant blocking their way)

Dwayne: (to the driver) Can’t you just honk and scare it away?

Driver: (Honks the horn. The elephant just sits on the hood of their car instead)

Junior: What does it say about my life when it’s reached a point where this doesn’t faze me?

(Ice Dancer’s taxi. Josee has forced the driver into the backseat and she drives feverishly. Jacques is too afraid to say anything to her right now)

(Inside the siblings cab)

Annie: I never got to tell you this yesterday but you totally owned Josee in that whole insult contest.

Leo: Like I didn’t already knew that. But really all the thanks goes to Dean Martin and Groucho Marx and Joan Rivers and George Burns and Gracie Allen and Syd Cesare and Phyllis Diller and Lucille Ball. How I only wish one of them could’ve seen that.

Annie: I know you did them proud.

(Inside the cab carrying the Animaniacs and the Anime nerds)

Sam: We’re really entering end game people.

Fabian: I know, it was almost nearly me and Jordan going home yesterday.

May: Yeah but you made it. No easy feat considering the setback.

Jordan: I can’t believe you learned how to ride a bicycle just for me.

Fabian: I didn’t really ride it, I just controlled where it was going to crash.

Sam: That’s basically how my uncle drives.

(Teams arrive at the airport. The Ice Dancers and Cadets are the last 2 to arrive)

Josee: Come on, come on!

Sanders: Move it!

(Both arrive at the front desk but there’s several people in front of them, many of whom aren’t racers)

MacArthur: A line up, great! (Growls)

Josee: Hurry up! We need to get airborne ASAP!

(Right at the front of the clerk’s desk are Emma and Kitty)

Kitty: Oh don’t mind them. They’re just worried that they’re not going to get their favorite seats at the very back of the plane. You think you could save those seats for them?

Clerk: Of course.

Emma: Thanks.

(All the teams are now on the same flight and it takes off to Athens)

Don: (voice) All the teams are on the same flight but 2 of them probably wish they weren’t.

(The ice dancers and cadets are seated near the restrooms and have the misfortune of getting nosefuls of their fellow passengers)

Sanders: (Groans) Sitting next to the bathrooms are the worst, whether it’s on a plane or at a restaurant.

MacArthur: The sisters did this, they sweet talked the clerk into giving us the worst seats on the plane.

Sanders: What did we ever do to them?

MacArthur: It’s strategy to throw us off. (Notices Josee’s discomfort) Though I guess it’s not entirely bad.

Jacques: How long is this flight?

Josee: 19 hours. And when we land those sisters are gonna pay.

(Elsewhere on the plane Carrie drinks some water while Devin drinks some tea)

Carrie: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink tea.

Devin: (Chuckles nervously) Just a little tense I guess.

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I’ve talked to her nearly every day of my life but whenever I try to say those 3 little words I get all tongue tied and bail. (Realizes something) Oh my god is this how she was from Toronto to Australia?  
\---> Camera person: (Off screen voice) As the one whom she confided all her secrets to I can safely say (Big fat resounding) YES!  
\---> Devin: Wow, she’s got the patience of a saint.

Devin: Anyhow here’s the thing.

Carrie: There’s a thing?

Devin: Well it’s-it’s sort of a thing. I just wanted to say that (Spills tea on the floor) that I’m going to get more tea. (Gets out of his seat and walks off elsewhere)

Carrie: (wonders why he just doesn’t press the “help me” button)

May: (From a few rows behind them) All tea all shade.

Sam: Speaking of shade something’s up and I’m gonna figure out what. (Follows Devin)

(Devin is seen breathing into an oxygen mask)

Sam: You’re only supposed to use that thing in case there’s a loss of cabin pressure.

Devin: Trust me I’m under a lot of pressure right now! Today is the day I’m going to tell Carrie the truth!

Sam: I think everyone knows what happened at the end of the Lego Movie.

Devin: Not that! (Leans in closely to him and whispers) I’m going to tell her that I love her back.

Sam: (Gasps) Well what are you doing here?! Get out there and get down to business my ninja! (Tries to push him there but Devin slips away)

Devin: No! I can’t tell her now, the setting’s not perfect.

Sam: Dude perfect setting is overrated. I asked May to be my date mate after we’d watched Amon blow himself and Tarrlok to bits.

Devin: Well obviously that works for you but I’m different. She’s lusted after me for so long that I just want all this to be worth something. I want to be everything she dreamed about and more.

Sam: Well if you try and do that you’ll never succeed. You can’t be everything. You can just be the one thing you are, yourself. That’s who she fell in love with, so cut the crap out and tell her how you feel. Just don’t do it during the challenge today.

Devin: You’re right, I’ve just gotta pull the cord. That was surprisingly insightful of you.

Sam: Surprising?

Devin: Well kind of. To be honest when I saw you on our first day I thought you’d be kind of a douche. But as I’ve grown to know you I realize, you’re a douche who cares.

Sam: Yeah that’s pretty much me in a nutshell.

(Back with Carrie, she sits alone drinking her water)

Jordan: Mind if I sit here?

Carrie: Oh no, no. You’re good. (Jordan sits down)

Jordan: What’s eating you Gilbert Grape?

Carrie: It’s Devin, I thought he’d finally gotten over the cluster-cuss I put him through back in Australia but I’m starting to notice he’s acting completely squirrely. He barely talks to me outside of challenges, he sits near me like I’m that “person you didn’t want to but have no other choice” on the bus, and he’s just not himself. I thought I knew my best friend but now I‘m not so sure. At this point I could care less if he loves me back, I just want us to be normal again. It’s just like Aaron said, I revealed too much and now he can’t properly grieve. I’m gonna grow up and die alone just like that poor tortoise.

Jordan: You know I thought the same damn thing about myself following my first break up. I thought it would be remedied by my next squeeze but I was wrong. And trust me after the 3rd time I was really feed up. Then came a 19 year old starving artist who followed his best friend from California to Vancouver just cause they both had fallen in love with my brother. Yes as he’ll attest our first meeting wasn’t one for the books but as we skyped and talked and exchanged art and Tv shows and movies I discovered something new in him even he probably didn’t think existed, a romantic, not the type that would write me poem every year for our anniversary or lay his coat down for me across a puddle, but I could tell he listened to me and tried to change, cause after all you can’t change everything about yourself but showing some effort and being honest goes a long way. Then came the day at the zoo. That day he told me everything, and I do mean everything. Sure maybe it was too much info at once for someone who was still kind of a stranger but it was the thought that counted. In turn I told him as much as possible and he tried to remember it all. At that moment we both realized we’re both trainwrecks but at least we were together. And through all our time together we realized that if someone out of 7 billion people could love us like this then some else can. Something I’ve noticed through my media studies is our culture puts way too much pressure on love, 1st love especially. From forcing ourselves to hold these bloated weddings, to romantic comedies etching themselves in our popular culture like bible verses, and to villainizing divorce and breakups as though they’re the end of the world. So maybe there isn’t a “one”, but even if you can’t find perfection but you can still find something pretty awesome. If Devin doesn’t love you then okay, if he does then great but don’t blame yourself for natural fallacy of human emotion. You only live once, so enjoy it and all it brings, whether it’s good or bad.

Carrie: Wow that was really insightful. Maybe you’re right, to be honest I’ve built up these wedding scenarios so much in my mind that now it all seems kind of implausible and very purple prose. Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much about us together and focus more on us winning. I still wish he’d tell me what’s the matter, god knows I felt so much better after getting my secret off my chest.

Jordan: I’m sure he will.

Carrie: (Smiles all content)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: I’m glad I could help her. But I’m more glad that she hasn’t seen “Let’s F*ck Up Life” the show that’s all about exposing the dirty awful truth about little everyday things. The former half of that speech did happen but the latter was taken from their “Let’s F*ck Up Valentine’s Day” episode. Don’t look at me like that, we all know Josee would’ve purposefully manipulated her into quitting out of guilt. 

(Elsewhere on the plane we see Dwayne and Junior)

Dwayne: Can you believe we’re still in this?

Junior: Definitely not. But after the last challenge I don’t know what to expect.

Dwayne: Me neither. In spite of all the accidents waiting to happen are you having fun?

Junior: Yeah, I actually am. And it’s gonna be a lot of fun when we win this thing. Just promise you won’t coddle me from here on out.

Dwayne: I’m your dad, that’s kind of my job.

Junior: (laughs) Yeah, I guess it is.

(The plane is seen landing at the Athens Airport.)

Don: (voice) Our teams have arrived in Athens and the sisters are taking an early lead.

Emma: (presses the button and reads the tip) Make your way to the Acropolis ruins and find the next don box.

Kitty: I know it’s an important monument but what exactly was the Acropolis used for again?

Emma: What am I Wikipedia? (Calls out) Taxi!

Don: (is seen at the ruins) The Acropolis. This ancient citadel contains the remains of several historic buildings like the Parthenon, the Erechtheion, the Propylaia, and many more that I'm not even gonna try and say. Teams will travel here to find their next tip, which promises to be one very herculean task.

(People get into taxis and they all drive off to the Acropolis. All arrive at the citadel near simultaneously. Everyone searches around for the Don Box. The animaniacs are the first ones to find it, this box wears Grecian robes)

Fabian: (presses for the tip and reads it) 50/50. What’s that?

Don: (wears a robe similar to an Ancient Greek ruler, complete with a crown of olive leaves, as he sits on a fancy chair and is feed grapes by an assistant) A 50/50 is special challenge requires both team mates to perform half the work each of a challenge. In honor of Greece’s most famous hero Hercules our competitors will have to do his 12 labors. When one person finishes their task their partner will have to do the next one and so on and so forth until each team mate has done 6 labors. Players cannot not ask for help from their teammate and there is no skipping ahead or switching. When they complete the last task they’ll be presented with a tip that will guide them to the chill zone.

(Everyone has arrived and reads the tips)

Annie: What’s the first labor?

(First labor: Nemean lion)

(In the Theatre of Dionysus teams see their first task. A cage has been placed around the theatre filled with lions. People gulp)

Don: (Voice) For their first task teams must snag a tip from the neck of a male lion.

Dwayne: (prays) I’m normally not a praying man but if you can hear me, save me Wonder Woman!

Leo: (nervous) Here goes nothing!

Devin: (internal monologue) Come on Devin if you can finish these tasks and still make it out alive asking Carrie out will be a cake walk. Do it for her! (Charges while yelling right into the lion cage)

Carrie: Devin!

Josee: (charges) Here I come gold medal!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: As an Olympian Greece holds a special place for me and Jacques. If there was ever a time to win the gold it’s now!

(Emma, Leo, Jordan, Sam, MacArthur and Dwayne follow them into the cage. When they all get inside they notice Spartan armor and weapons to help defend themselves from the big cats)

Emma: Well that somewhat lightens my plight.

Sam: Though technically inaccurate as (Yells) THIS ISN’T SPARTA!

Josee: Save the facts for someone who cares! (They all suit up and go at it)

(The lions fight back but thankfully their shields protect them. They retaliate with the weapons but no one can really grab a tip. Their partners watch from the outside all impressed and worried)

Kitty: Wow that’s extreme! Do you think our challenges will be just as bad or worse?

May: I seriously don’t know what to expect anymore.

(Josee has a lion attacking her shield, the tip is just a hair’s breadth away)

Josee: Nice try Simba but I’m winning this time! (Over powers the lion and tosses it onto its back, she then grabs it by the tail, spins it and tosses it right at the other racers.)

Those outside the cage: AAAHH! (Lion collides with the cage walls and falls down)

Josee: (Holds tip in hand) It’s mine! (Reads it) Jacques we have to go to the Beule Gate! (She exits the cage and both she and Jacques run off)

(Second labor: Stymphalian birds)

(The ice dancers are the 1st to arrive at the gate and see a bunch of drones flying in the sky. On the ground are bows and a bunch of arrows)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must shoot 6 “stymphalian birds” each out of the sky.

Jacques: (Grabs bow and some arrows. He aims, fires and strikes a “bird” down.) Excellent!

(Back at the lion cage. People are still fighting)

Dwayne: Stand back! I’ve got a shield! (His lion gains the upper hand and knocks his shield away. He prepares to hit it with his mace but let’s go of it when he swings it up. Before the lion can strike, the mace falls down onto its head, knocking it out) Yes! Just as I planned! (Gets the tip and runs out the cage)

Junior: Way to go dad!

Dwayne: Come on, the birds await us! (Both run to the next task)

(Devin sees what just happened to Dwayne and gets an idea. He raises his shield)

Devin: Forgive me! (Slams it on his lions head, knocking it out and allowing him to get the tip) Yes! (Runs out of the cage to meet up with Carrie) I’m alive!

Carrie: Good job.

Devin: Uh just so you know I would never purposefully harm a cat.

Carrie: Hey I got a feeling I’m gonna harm a few things today to so no big deal. (Both run off to the next challenge)

(MacArthur is holding her lion by the ear like a sadistic teacher chastising a child)

MacArthur: Just give it to me and this will all be over. (The lion concedes and gives her the tip) Thank you. (Runs off while the lion rubs his ear and goes into a corner)

(At the Stymphalian birds we see Jacques hit his 2nd bird. Dwayne and Junior arrive and Junior starts firing arrows but doesn’t really hit anything.)

Jacques: Weak.

Junior: (concentrates hard, aims and fires. This time he hits a bird which falls and lands right on Jacques) Yes! Only 5 more.

Dwayne: You can do it son!

Josee: Now’s not the time to nap! (Jacques gets up right as the cadets and bf’s arrive and he, Carrie and Sanders start to fire)

(Back in the cage. Sam gets knocked down by his lion and grabs a hand full of dirt and blows it right in the big cats face, blinding it and allowing him to get the tip)

Sam: Let’s go before someone gets cat nipped. (He and May run off)

(Jordan evades her lion for the time being and notices her shield gives off a reflective spot and uses it to distract her cat like it’s just a little kitten. Through some careful maneuvering she distracts it enough for her to get a tip.)

Fabian: Nice going! (Both run off for the next challenge)

Kitty: Come on Emma it’s down to you and Leo.

Emma: You think this is easy by any stretch of the imagination?!

(At the birds Jacques, Sanders and Junior all strike another one down as Anime Nerds and Animaniacs arrive and start shooting)

Josee: Hurry up only 2 teams are left!

Jacques: I’m trying my best! (Fires an arrow and hits another bird) Yes! Only 1 left!

Carrie: (hits one all her own) Yes that’s 2!

Sanders: (aims very carefully and hits 2 birds with only one arrow) Yes! Only 2 left!

Fabian: (Takes aim and fires his arrow off to a pillar where it bounces of the column and then ricochets of several more columns before it finally pierces through 5 birds, in one shot!) Whoa! I didn’t plan that at all! Now I only need one!

Josee: (Growls at his luck)

Jacques: (takes the hint and fires his last arrow quickly. Hitting his final bird) That’s 6! (Another drone flies up to him and gives him the next tip) Next labor! (Both he and Josee run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: First place 2 times. Surprising? Well it’s not!  
\---> Jacques: We are the cream of the crème de la crème and we’ll claim top spot once more!

(At the lions neither Emma nor Leo are making any progress)

Leo: (panting) You feeling exhausted?

Emma: Yep?

Leo: Wanna team up just to get out of here?

Emma: Solid idea. (Both charge at one lion with their shields together and hold it at bay. Leo uses his sword to slice the tip of its neck, which he grabs. They then push it off charge at the other lion the same way as before and Leo once again slices the tip off with his sword and Emma grabs it. Both over throw the lion and run out of the cage)

Kitty: Nice job guys!

Annie: Now it’s our turn to put us back in the lead! (All 4 run off to the birds)

(At the birds Carrie, Sanders, May and Junior all hit another one each out of the sky.)

Sanders: Just one more for me!

Fabian: (takes aim) And me! (Fires but misses)

Jordan: You’re doing fine we’ve got plenty of time! (The final 2 teams arrive and both Kitty and Annie start to fire. Amazingly both hit one on their very first shot)

Leo: Use that luck!

Emma: You got this Kitty!

Kitty: Just like a video game!

(Third labor: Erymanthian Boar)

(Jacques and Josee arrive and see another cage, this one filled with wild boar, each of whom has a tip around their neck)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must snag a tip from the neck of this wild boar.

Josee: You filthy swine are mine! (Enters the cage and starts to wrestle with a boar)

(Back at the birds Sanders aims, fires and hits her final bird)

Sanders: Yes! (The same drone from before presents her next tip)

MacArthur: Way to go Artemis! (Both run off to the next labor)

May: (mental thoughts) Okay just adjust for angle, wind speed, aim and (Through her eyes we see a Sherlock scan of the area. Including temperature, humidity, sun’s brightness, and details of the drone model flying in the air) fire! (Lets the arrow go and it hits the target dead and center) Yes! Only 2 more!

Fabian: (Aims carefully and hits his final bird) Finished! (The special drone presents him his tip)

Jordan: Here I go again on my own! (Both run off to the next challenge)

Junior: (aims carefully and fires, only for the arrow to ricochet off a column and nearly pierce Sam’s testicles) Sorry man!

Sam: Just keep at it man, you’ll get it.

(At the boars the cadets and animaniacs arrive and notice Josee having a hard time dealing with the swine. MacArthur and Jordan enter and try to snag their own tips)

Jordan: You think we’ll be allowed to keep this armor after this challenge because I can think of a few others where it really would’ve come in handy.

MacArthur: I hope so!

(Back at the birds, arrows go flying as the 5 remaining teams try to make it to the next task ASAP. 5 birds fall, 2 for Kitty, 2 for Annie and one for May.)

May: Almost there! (Takes aim and hits her final bird) Yes! (Drone gives her the tip and both she and Sam run off)

Carrie: (Misses another bird) Darn it. (Internal monologue) Come on Carrie you know what this is all about. Just not focus on Devin enough to win this challenge. (Aims carefully and hits a bird. Out loud) Yes! One more!

Devin: Woo hoo! You rock!

Carrie: (internal thoughts) How kind of him. Stay focused! (Takes aim at her final bird and fires the arrow, hitting it) Yes! (The special drone appears and gives her the tip) Come on Devin! (Both run off as Kitty and Annie each hit their next birds)

(At the boars the ladies are still fighting.)

Josee: Just give up already you future brisket! No creature can best me or Jacques!

MacArthur: (Has her boar in a headlock. The poor pig just gives her the tip) That’ll do pig, that’ll do. (Takes the tip and releases the boar, which runs off)

Josee: I stand corrected. (Knocks a boar out with her fist and takes the tip) But not for long! (Both the cadets and the ice dancers run to the next challenge right as the Bf’s and the Anime Nerds arrive)

Sam: (Takes Devin by the hand) Time for some full boar action! (Both run into the cage)

May: (to Carrie) What go getters am I right?

Carrie: I’ll say, Devin’s pulled it together for daunting challenges before but this is really taking the cake.

(Back at the birds, Kitty, Annie and Junior all hit their final bird. The special drone gives all 3 of them tips and the final 3 teams run off)

(Fourth labor: Ceryneian Hind)

(Both the cadets and the ice dancers arrive at some rocky cliffs. Bouncing about on them are a bunch of klipspringers, thankfully for the contestants these antelope are all hornless) 

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must net a klipspringer.

(Sanders and Jacques both grab a large net and charge the little parkour artists. They evade both of them with skillfully)

Jacques: So it’s going to be like that huh? Fine! (Prances among the rocks like a playful satyr, actually managing to come close to capturing a few antelope) Almost!

Sanders: Yeah that’s fair. I haven’t danced since my junior prom.

Jacques: (Swings the net around a few more times until he finally catches an antelope) Viola! (Hops down next to Josee and they get the next tip from another don box) Ciao bella! (Both run off)

MacArthur: Come on Sanders you got this! (Sanders tries and fails to net another klipspringer)

(Back at the boars the sisters, siblings and father/son arrive. Emma, Leo and Dwayne all enter and start to chase down a boar)

Devin: (a boar is pinning him down as he holds it away by the head. He glances to the side and can see Carrie staring right at him. A surge of strength overcomes him and he tosses the boar onto its back at grabs the tip) Let’s go! (Runs out of the cage)

Carrie: Wow that was really impressive.

Devin: (pants) It was nothing. Come on it’s your turn now. (Both run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: I don’t know what’s come over Devin but I like it. If he stays like this the rest of the race we’ll win for sure!

(Confessional)  
\---> Devin: I’m determined to finish these tasks ASAP and with Carrie’s motivation I can do anything. Once we win this leg I’m telling Carrie the truth, no if ands or buts about it. 

(Fifth labor: Cerberus)

(Jacques and Josee arrive and see a fenced off yard where several mastiffs lie, each of them has a collar with a tip on it)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must snag a tip from the neck of this guard dog.

Josee: (Hops in and goes for the dogs. Fending them off with a large stick) Don’t think I won’t hesitate bitches! You are bitches right? (One tries to pin her to the ground and bite her but she keeps it at bay with the stick and we can see that yes at least one is a bitch) I am the alpha of this pack! (Tosses it off and more dogs go after her. She swings the stick wildly)

(At the Ceryneian Hind Devin and Carrie arrive and see Sanders still hopping around and catching nothing)

Carrie: (grabs a net) Here’s where all those days spent catching butterflies finally pays off. (Ascends the rocks and tries to bag an antelope)

(At the boars more people are starting to succeed. Emma and Leo work again once more to bag 2 tips, as do Jordan and Sam. All 4 teams leave until only Dwayne is left inside)

Junior: Come on dad there’s still 9 more tasks after this!

Dwayne: I’m doing my best! (Boar knocks him into the dirt. He coughs up soil and a truffle. He notices the truffle and gets an idea) Here Wilbur. (Beckons the boar with the truffle, the boar comes over to him and obeys his commands like a little puppy dog) Beg. (Holds the truffle up and the boar stands on its hind legs, allowing Dwayne to snag the tip. He tosses the ruffle to the wayside and the boar runs after it as he exits the cage)

Junior: Nice thinking! (Both run off)

(Over at Cerberus. Josee is still fending off the dogs with her stick until one bites it and tosses it away from her. They force her into a corner but then she starts barking louder than all of them, making them whimper like puppies and run off to the other side. A tip falls off one dog and she grabs it)

Josee: Zeus is in our favor! (Both run off to the next challenge)

(All the remaining teams arrive at the Ceryneian Hind. Kitty, Annie, Fabian, May and Junior all grab a net and start to bag a klipspringer, but the antelope jump circles around our competitors.)

Kitty: (tries to snag an antelope only for her net to wind up on Junior’s head) Sorry. (Takes it off)

(Sixth labor: Augean stables)

(Jacques and Josee arrive at some horse stables and notice each stable is filled to the brim with horse manure. Both are taken aback by all this filth)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must shovel all this manure from their respective horse stable until it’s spotless.

Jacques: (shudders) Oh mon dieu!

Josee: (gives him a shovel) Well get to it! (Pushes him to their designated stable, Jacques enters and begrudgingly starts shoveling away. He covers his mouth and nose with his leotard)

(Back the cliffs nobody else has caught an antelope. Interestingly Fabian just stands as still as a statue)

Sanders: (notices Fabian) What on earth is he doing?

(One klipspringer approaches Fabian and sniffs him. It then climbs onto his head. Fabian then springs back to life and places his net over the mammal. Capturing it)

Jordan: Yes!

Fabian: (hops down so both he and Jordan can get the tip and run off to Cerberus)

Carrie: (she and Annie work together) Entrap them! (Both corner one klipspringer into running up a rock and then jump off it and into Annie’s net) Yes!

Annie: Now let’s get you one! (She hold her net out and her klipspringer starts to bark, one antelope examines its upside-down friend and Carrie nets it)

Carrie: Thanks a lot!

(Both climb down the rocks and both of their teams run to Cerberus)

(At the horse stables. Jacques is shoveling away slowly, much to Josee’s unhappiness. She lets it slide this time however as there’s still no one who’s caught up to them)

(The next 3 teams arrive at the dog pen. Devin, Leo and Jordan all venture into the dog pit. Dogs chase them)

Devin: (Runs away as one tries to bite him) Nice doggies!

Leo: (Does some skillful dance dodging)

Jordan: I’m starting to notice a pattern here, namely us collecting stuff from the necks of dangerous animals!

(Back at the cliffs more people nab an antelope. Sanders nets one, Kitty does and so does May. Junior also nets one but it starts to drag him away but he drags it down with him. All 4 teams run off to Cerberus. When they arrive Emma, Dwayne, MacArthur and Sam enter and get chased about)

Emma: Come on people! We’re just 1 challenge away from catching up to the ice dancers! If we all work together we could possibly beat them! Everyone team up to get a tip, save for one of us.

MacArthur: I can do this solo!

(Emma and Leo, Sam and Devin and Jordan and Dwayne team up. Emma and Leo hold up a big stick and get 2 dogs to bite down onto it. While they bite down Leo grabs 2 tips for them. They then run off, leaving the dogs to nibble on the stick. Jordan grabs a piece of meat and ties a long string around it, she then swings over her head in a helicopter motion, while 2 dogs chase the meat Dwayne waits for the right moment as they pass to snag 2 tips, Jordan then lets the meat go off to the wayside and the dogs follow it. Sam entrances 2 dogs with his unusual contortion technique, both are so perplexed they don’t notice Devin snag 2 tips off them. )

MacArthur: (goes up to one dog) Hey Cujo! Sit! (The dog prepares to bite her but she utilizes a bone to deflect the bite and swing the dog around, grabbing a tip and then tossing the pup to the wayside) Oh yeah! (Everyone runs out of the Cerberus pit and to the next challenge)

(Augean stables. Every other team arrives and the respective competitors start shoveling)

Josee: Hurry up Jacques!

Jacques: (tries to kick it into high gear but he can’t)

(Everyone shovels away, using their shirts to block the smell of the manure. Eventually everyone finishes more or less simultaneously)

Josee: A tie!? You gotta be kidding me!

(Everyone finds a tip on the cleaned stable floor. Everyone runs off to the next task)

(Seventh labor: Cretan Bull)

(Everyone arrives at the next task and sees 8 bulls and 8 bull pens)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must coerce one of these 8 bulls into their respective holding pen.

(The respective competitors hop in and start to coerce the bulls, or rather try not to become a cattle shish kabob.)

Devin: Why can’t these be like the bulls we dealt with in Spain?!

(MacArthur is standing in front of one bull pen and eyes down a bull. Both lock eyes and the bull charges her, miraculously she stands her ground until the last possible second when she jumps over the bull and it slams right into the wall of the stable)

Sanders: Woo hoo! Go MacArthur!

MacArthur: (Gets the tip from the dazed bulls neck) Cake walk! (The cadets run off to the next challenge)

Josee: (notices this and gets very upset) Time to make mincemeat out of you! (Spots one bull and then climbs to the top of the stable, she then jumps off and kicks a bull right on the head, knocking it out. She then kung fu kicks it into a stable and gets the tip off its neck) Come on lazy! (Both she and Jacques run to the next challenge)

(Eighth labor: Belt of Hippolyta)

(The cadets and ice dancers arrive and see rather tall statues of naked women. Nearby is a trunk filled with big clothes and accessories, in addition to 8 golden belts)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must dress this amazon sized statue like a queen, complete with belt.

(Both Sanders and Jacques eye each other, run to the trunk, grab clothes and start to climb/dress their statues)

(Back at the bulls Sam and Jordan have a plan. Sam beckons one bull with a cape, the bull runs right at him, hits the cape and a loud “clunk” sound is heard. Turns out there was a rock behind the cape. Jordan then uses the cape to beckon the dazed bull into a holding pen.)

Sam: Don’t you just love cartoons? (Collects his tip from the loony bull) Now onto your tip. (Both uses the cape to entice another bull into charging, it winds up hitting a hard wall in its pen and is unable to pull its horns out. This allows Jordan to snag her tip.)

Jordan: Next challenge! (Both teams run off to the next labor)

Emma: Let’s see if this works! (Notices one bull who’s not too observant and gets an idea. She runs and does a front flip over it, snagging a tip in the process. She then lets the bull chase her into a pen, backflips off the wall and backflips off the bull and closes the gate) Yes!

Kitty: I didn’t know you had that in you!

Emma: Me neither! (Both run off to the next challenge)

(Sanders and Jacques are still in the process of dressing their Amazon. The 3 new teams see the challenge and get on it. Fabian and May are having a bit of trouble climbing the statues)

May: (Struggles to pull herself up) Come on!

Fabian: (Climbs his statue until he realizes he’s touching its private area) Oops! (Let’s go and falls to the ground)

Jordan: It’s a statue, it doesn’t care if you get fresh with it. (Fabian goes at it again)

(Back at the bulls the remaining 3 teams are getting desperate.)

Dwayne: (Has a lasso) Let’s try this. (Lassoes one of the bull’s horns) Yes! (Bull shakes its head violently and tosses Dwayne to the side like Raggedy Andy) WHOA! (Dwayne winds up on the back of another bull, where he promptly helps himself to the tip on its back) Thank you! (The bull tries to buck him off but Dwayne miraculously holds on) Oh no you don’t! I survived the bull in Alberta so I can survive you! (He somehow gains enough control to coerce it into a stable) Come on son! (He and Junior run to the next labor)

Leo: Hey Devin wanna work together?

Devin: If it means I never have to deal with another bull again then sure!

(Both taunt a bull into charging at them and run directly to one another, then at the last possible moment they jump to the side and the bulls collide with each other, leaving them both dizzy. Both of the young men snag a tip)

Carrie: Nice job guys! (All 4 run off to the belt of Hippolyta)

(At the statues everyone arrives and the respective people start to climb and dress them. A bunch of birds help Annie dress her statue while Josee looks unhappy at her gaining the upper hand. It’s a frenzied scene but everyone finishes near simultaneously once again)

Junior: (climbing down) That was way more up close and personal than I ever wanted to be with a woman. (Everyone gets the next tip and they all run off to the next trial)

(Ninth labor: Mares of Diomedes)

(Everyone sees their next task, namely 8 horses running around in a large pen)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must saddle up a horse and ride around the citadel at least 3 times and then grab the next tip as it hangs from a column.

(The respective people enter the pen, grab a saddle and try to put it on a horse. Horses and competitors run everywhere.)

MacArthur: (notices one horse running right to her) I don’t wish to fight you! (Punches it in the face. The horse stays still) Now, (Places the saddle on it) giddy up!

Josee: (sees MacArthur ride off) Time to pull out every stop! (Grabs some rope and lassoes a horse. She then places the saddle on it and then uses her legs to squeeze its neck into compliance) Let’s ride! (She and her horse ride off)

(Josee and MacArthur start to ride neck to neck around the citadel. Back in the pens Sam and Jordan work together to get saddled up and ride off. Devin gets his saddle onto one horse but now struggles not to be bucked off. Emma, Leo and Dwayne also work together to get each other saddled up. Everyone then rides off around the citadel. Josee and MacArthur maintain the lead and are already on their last lap. They can see the tip as it hangs from a column. MacArthur reaches to grab it but Josee does some skillful balancing on her hand to snag it with her feet. She then races off to Jacques, leaving MacArthur to race another lap around.)

MacArthur: (annoyed) Great.

(Tenth labor: Cattle of Geryon)

(Jacques and Josee arrive at the next task. There are 8 3 headed models of the monster Geryon, each head spinning on an axel. Underneath each model is a cage holding 5 calves. At one side are more bows and arrows)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must knock out this Geryon model and release the cattle, then herd them to their respective holding stable.

Jacques: (Grabs a bow, aims an arrow and fires, hitting the first head of his target) Too easy! (Fires another arrow only to miss wildly) Ah merde! (Tries at it again only to miss again)

MacArthur: (is coming around to the column again, stands up on the saddle, reaches and snags the tip) Oh yeah! (She races off to Sanders.)

(More people are on their last lap but only one tip can be snagged at a time. They all reach up and in the end Emma snags the next tip)

Emma: Sorry people! (Runs off to meet with Kitty)

(Pretty soon both the Sisters and Cadets make it to Geryon and start firing. The remaining teams continue to race round lap by lap and one by one they each grab a tip, first Sam, then Jordan, then Leo, the Dwayne and finally Devin. One by one they join the Geryon task and the respective participants start firing.)

Jacques: Come on! (Fires again and hits his 2nd head) Yes! Just one more! (Aims, fires and hits the final head, the cage at the bottom opens and releases the cattle) Come to me little cow bells! (Tries to beckon them into his teams’ stable but they’re doing everything but listening to him) Come on already! (Picks up one but can’t seem to corral the other 4)

Sanders: (Aims carefully, fires and hits her last head) Yes! (The cattle are released and start to wander off) Oh no you don’t. (Like MacArthur) Follow me and that’s an order! (All the calves listen her and she leads them all to her teams stable)

MacArthur: (thumbs up) That’s my girl!

Josee: (to Jacques) Hurry up!

Jacques: (Is now carrying 4 cattle and only has one left) What do you think I’m doing?! (Grabs the last calf and tosses it up on his pile, he then starts to carry them all to his stable)

(The cadets run off to the next labor)

(Eleventh labor: Golden Apples of the Hesperides)

(The cadets arrive and see a large prop tree covered in golden apples, surrounding the tree are 8 baskets, each with a singular team’s photo on it)

Don: (Voice) For their next task, competitors must climb this tree, pick 10 golden apples and drop them into their teams respective basket.

Sanders: (To MacArthur) It’s your last task so please be quick.

MacArthur: Quick is my middle name. (Climbs the tree) Harvest time! (Picks one apple and tosses it into her teams basket) One down! (Tries to pick another one but out of nowhere Josee picks it and tosses it into her basket) What the? How did you get here so quickly?!

Josee: It’s a secret you’ll never figure out, in fact not even the writers know! (Both eye an apple, attempt to pick it and a tug of war ensues)

(Back at Geryon more people are releasing the cattle and trying to corral them. Annie leads them all into their stable via song, Kitty uses a laser point feature on her phone to corral them, Fabian and May work together to corral them with the use of grasses and herbs, Junior has no choice but to use a stick to smack them into obeying him and Carrie gets run over by her calves as she gets them all into her stable. All 6 of them get the next tip and the teams run off to the Apples of Hesperides. The respective people start to climb and throw apples into the baskets.)

Jacques: Josee just give it up! There’s plenty more apples and people are advancing!

Josee: Oh no, it’s a matter of pride and this apple is mine! (Pulls it away from MacArthur and tosses it in her basket) Oh yeah! (MacArthur steps on her as she climbs up a branch) 

(An apple picking frenzy ensues. People pick and toss ‘em but not every apple makes it into the basket, Josee purposefully sacrifices an apple by throwing it at Fabian. The ice dancers and cadets finish first, climb down and get the tip for the final task)

MacArthur: (All 4 of them run off) Hustle!

(Twelfth labor: Hydra)

(The cadets and ice dancers arrive at their final task and see a huge pit full of green snakes)

Don: (Voice) For their final task, competitors must dive into this pit of green snakes, find a golden one and bring it to the oracle’s bowl to learn the location of today’s chill zone.

(Sanders and Jacques both seem frightened by all the serpents but dive for it and start to search)

Sanders: I’m normally not afraid of snakes but this is still kind of overwhelming!

Jacques: For once I agree with her!

MacArthur: You can do it Sanders! You can’t you Kristoff knock off!

(Back at the Hesperides Jordan and Emma fill up their baskets and climb down. Both teams then run to the hydra pit)

Devin: (reaching for an apple just out of his reach on a branch not really designed to hold his weight) Just one more apple (Grabs it and throws it into his teams basket) Yes! (Branch gives way and he falls to the ground) AAHH!

Carrie: (runs up to him) You okay?

Devin: (looks up at her) I am now.

Carrie: Well good, let’s go! Only one more task! (He gets up, both get the tip and run off)

(Both the animaniacs and the sisters arrive and see the snake pit)

Fabian: Well let’s look at the bright side, unlike last time these serpents are harmless garter snakes.

Kitty: Still doesn’t make this any easier. (Both hold hands, dive into the pit and begin to search)

Carrie: (She and Devin arrive at the pit next) Oh my.

Devin: (takes her hands) You’ve got this, I know you do.

Carrie: Well that makes one of us. (Dives into the pit and starts to search)

(The final 3 competitors finish picking all their apples and all 3 teams run off to the snake pit. When they see it Junior and Annie are a little taken aback. Not at all like May)

May: (Joyous) Snakes? May likes! (Swan dives into the pit, when she arises the snakes are completely at her command) Obey your master. (Holds one up close to her face, it flickers its tongue at her. Dwayne and Leo both cover the eyes of Junior and Annie)

Josee: (to Sam) Sometimes I wonder why you 2 are together but then come moments like this that make me realize you 2 are perfect for each other.

Sam: Thanks.

Josee: That wasn’t a compliment. You’re both lucky to have found each other as absolutely no one else will date either of you. I’m calling you freaks!

Sam: And I welcome that complement. (Josee grumbles)

Junior: (both he and Annie are climbing down into the pit) I don’t normally consider myself snake phobic but this isn’t exactly a dream of mine. 

Annie: You and me both. (Both then jump down and start searching)

Don: (Voice) Everyone’s in the thick of it now, and since this is the final task everything’s riding on one special snake.

Fabian: (looks around) Oh god they’re in my underwear!

Jacques: (snakes literally slip out of his hands) These stupid serpents aren’t complying!

Josee: Don’t worry Jacques no one can surpass you.

Annie: (is climbing out of the snake pit with a golden snake around her arm) I’m gonna make it!

Josee: Oh no you won’t! (Kicks her right on the forehead just as she hoists her head onto the ground and she falls back into the pit) Serves you right! (Gets tackled by Leo, who pins her to the ground using all 4 limbs)

Leo: Okay what the hell is your problem!?

Josee: Well for one I’ve got a James Dean knock off shouting at me! 2nd if that cheap ass Jane Mansfield knows what’s good for her she’ll stay down there.

Leo: (incredulous) My god, you don’t care about the sanctity of this competition at all? You just wanna claim first and you don’t care who you have cheat, lie, screw or kill to get it do you?!

Josee: Did you just start racing today?!

Leo: You know someday you’re both going to end up all alone cause nobody likes you and the only people you’ll have to blame for that are yourselves.

Josee: Well pardon me Mr. I’ve never won anything of value in my life!

Leo: You really think that winning this race is the only thing that matters in life?

Josee: Winning is the only thing in life that matters. Have you never heard of a little thing called “survival of the fittest”?

Leo: You know you remind me of another woman who was so desperate to win she’d do anything. (Close up on mouth) Tonya Harding.

Josee: (dramatic gasp)

Leo: Yeah that got your attention. Harding was so installed to win she tried to incapacitate a fellow American teammate, and boy did it backfire. Do really want to share her reputation of being that single minded and desperate?! Do you?!

(Imagine spot)

Josee: (imagines her life as Harding. She’s unkempt, living the life of a suburbanite, fixing cars for a living, and making less than funny comments about stupid people on “World’s Dumbest…” at the age of ‘gasp’ 35! She views footage of an irate customer attacking the clerk of a fast food joint) Well you know what they say, you’re not you when you’re hungry. (Laughs)

(Back to reality)

Josee: (concerned) My god I never thought of it like that. Maybe you do have a point, if I don’t control my temper and get my attitude in check nobody aside from my family and Jacques will tolerate me. If I want to be Canada’s sweetheart I better start acting like it.

Sanders: (Climbs out of the pit with a golden snake on wrapped around her arm) MacArthur let’s go!

Jacques: (Arrives just a second after her) I’ve got the serpent!

Josee: (Kicks Leo off herself and runs with Jacques)

Leo: (lies on the ground) I warned her.

(Both the cadets and the ice dancers place their snake in the oracle bowl of Delphi, which isn’t geographically accurate sure but it’s cool. The automated statue gives them both a tip)

Josee: (reads it) Make your way to the chill zone in front of the National Archaeological Museum.

Don: (Is standing in front of the museum) This museum is considered one of the greatest in the world and contains the richest collection of artifacts from Greek antiquity worldwide. Last team here may wind up just like the once great city of Troy.

(Both teams run off to the museum. At the pit people are having trouble finding the snake they need, well expect for 2. Annie finds another snake and starts to climb back out, once she’s on solid ground she and Leo run off. May climbs out next and when she meets up with Sam she pulls the golden snake out of her Victoria’s secret compartment.)

Sam: Nice!

May: You know it’s funny. I almost wanted to stay down there. (Sam picks her up and carries her before she decides to dive back in) I said almost!

Emma: Come on Kitt! It’s getting down to the wire!

Kitty: Trust me I am trying my best and then some!

(Siblings and Anime Nerds place their snakes in the bowl, get their tip and run off to the museum. At the museum Don waits for the teams to arrive. The Ice dancers are in the lead and quickly plant all 4 feet on the carpet of completion)

Jacques: Yes! Yes! Olympic gold! Finally! (Both he and Josee hug, each other, and jump up and down while cheering)

Don: Yes it seems like you 2 have secured the lead once again but since you kicked Annie back into the pit, well you should know how this goes by now. (A red 5:00 appears above their heads) To the side please. (Both begrudgingly step onto the side as the countdown commences)

(Back at the pit Fabian finally climbs out with a golden snake around his neck)

Jordan: Yes! Once again you did what you thought you couldn’t do! (A bunch of snakes fall out of his shorts)

Fabian: Chill zone now please. (Both run off)

Kitty: (Climbs out of pit with golden snake around her waist) Got it!

Emma: Now let’s get to the next round! (Both run off)

Dwayne: (Calls out) Junior hurry up!

Devin: (calls out) You too Carrie!

Carrie: We are well aware of that! (Both continue to search for the special snakes but can’t find anything)

(At the museum the ice dancer’s penalty is almost up)

Josee: See? This is going to be another completely pointless penalty. So just let us take first place already. (The cadets arrive on the chill zone literally a second before their penalty expires)

Don: Because that’s why! Cadets you take first. Ice dancers, silver again! (The cadets cheer while the ice dancers grimace) And now for your reward. (Whistles, a woman in traditional Greek robes appears with 2 gold medals and 2 crowns made from olive leaves on a red pillow, Don then takes the crows and bestows one upon each cadet, then he gives each of them a gold medal. Jacques and Josee seem very unhappy) For winning this leg you shall be rewarded the same way as the ancient Olympians, gold medals, olive crowns and a free dinner at Athens’ most exclusive restaurant!

MacArthur: (to Josee) If you want I’ll let you hold my medal, so long as you admit our superiority!

Josee: I’d sooner mop a floor clean with my tongue!

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: We won! And I practically did it with one arm tied behind my back!  
\---> MacArthur: I can’t wait to watch us win this leg once we go back home millionaires.

Don: (Walks up to the very unhappy ice dancers) Don’t you 2 worry your pitch black hearts, we’ve got something almost as special for 2nd place. (Prepares to bestow 2 silver medals upon them but Josee grabs them both and chucks them far off)

Josee: Like werewolves, silver burns us worse than fire! It’s the worst pain imaginable!

Jacques: We’d sooner accept no medal at all than that medal of shame!

(Somewhere out in Athens we see an elderly couple cleaning the area around their small restaurant. They seem sad)

Woman: Oh Giorgio what are we going to do? This restaurant has been in my family for 3 generations but if we don’t make enough money soon we will lose it!

Giorgio: I don’t know Ariadne. We can only pray to the gods for a miracle at this point. (Out of nowhere the silver medals Josee threw away land in his hands) What the? (Bites down on them and realizes their both made of actual silver) Real silver.

Ariadne: We can sell these both and use the money to keep our restaurant!

Both: Oopah! (Both start to dance out of happiness)

(Back at the museum Sam and May arrive followed by Leo and Annie)

Don: (gives both Sam and May bronze medals) And that’s bronze for the anime nerds and 4th place for the siblings. And for coming in 3rd Sam and May win a collection of authentic Greek statues. (Sam and May high 5)

Leo: After all the craziness that happened today making it to the chill zone is reward enough. (Looks at the Cadets with their gold medals and sees the very unhappy ice dancers. He goes up to them) Let me guess? You got here first but you got a penalty which means you’re now in second? Am I right?

Josee: You’re treading on very thin ice.

Leo: Like you aren’t? Does the name Harding really mean nothing to you?

Josee: Well it almost did but on the way here I realized something. Harding couldn’t even make it on to the Olympic team, unlike me who made it onto the podium, so really I have 10 times more skill than she’ll ever have. I am fated to win this show, it’s in the god’s grand plan. (Zoom out which reveals the whole show is being watched on a giant crystal ball by the entire pantheon of Greek gods, save for Nike and Aphrodite, all of them laugh when Josee says she believes they like her)

Dionysus: (slurred) What has she been drinking and where can I get it?

Zeus: Incredible, no matter what we throw at them, those 2 never get the hint!

Hera: Maybe not but it does make for great entertainment. (Watches Jordan/Fabian and Emma/Kitty arrive on the chill zone) Oh my down to just 2 teams, I wonder who will make it? (Uses a remote to change the crystal balls focus on the snake pit, we resume our typical format)

Junior: (Searches around) Come on where are you?!

Carrie: (notices a golden snake) Yes! (Pounces on it but doesn’t catch it, instead she starts to sink deeper into the pit) What?! Help! Someone help!

Devin: (Hears her cries for help and sees her sinking, something hits him, he knows exactly what he has to do) I’m coming! (Steps back, runs and dives into the pit) AAAHHH! (Lands near Carrie and starts to dig her out of the snakes, he pulls her head up)

Carrie: Devin?! What are you doing?! We’ll get penalized!

Devin: I don’t care about that!

Carrie: Don’t care!? What are you talki-(cut off)

Devin: Cause I care about you! And not just in the best friend way! I love you! Like “marry you and have children” love! And I’m just ashamed of myself that it took me this long to realize this! You deserve so much better than me! Way better!

Carrie: What are you talking about?! I’ve loved you forever! You know that now! I don’t care if you aren’t perfect, you’re good enough for me. You know why? Because we’re both train wrecks. And I’m okay with that. (Kisses him. The camera spins around them as “Transformation/The End” from Shrek plays. They disengage)

Devin: (Stunned) Oh my god. That was amazing! (Looks up and sees Dwayne and Junior looking at them) How much of that did you see?

Junior: Pretty much all of it. (Both run off to the oracle bowl)

Devin: Oh my god you need to find the snake! (A gold snake slithers out from his shirt) AAHH!

Carrie: (Grabs it) Gotcha! Come on let’s go! (Both quickly climb out of the pit and run to the oracle bowl)

(The bottom 2 teams get their final tip, stare at each other and then high tail it to the chill zone. It becomes a frantic race through Athens to make it to the museum first. Both teams arrive at the museum on opposite sides and run as fast as they can. In the end…)

Don: Father and son take 7th! (Father and son cross the finish line and cheer)

Dwayne: And that’s why it’s my lucky number!

Don: (goes up to Devin and Carrie) I’m sorry best friends but this is where you leave us.

Devin: We may not have won your prize but we did gain something, (holds Carrie’s hand) a relationship.

Annie: Oh my goodness, you’re finally together! (She and Kitty scream and jump and down in joy)

Fabian: About damn time if you ask me.

MacArthur: (gives some money to Sanders)

Junior: (goes up to both of them) I just want to say congratulations to both of you for coming together, may you both bring each other all the happiness and support necessary to maintain a joyous relationship.

Carrie: That was very mature of you. (Hugs him)

Devin: Way to be mature about it little man. (Fist bumps him)

Dwayne: (goes up to his son) Are you okay Junior?

Junior: I think so. Is it normal to feel so happy and sad simultaneously?

Dwayne: That’s just a normal part of growing up. Trust me. (They hug)

Carrie: (to everyone) Thank you all for racing with us, you made this all so much fun! See you again in the finale!

Devin: Good luck to all of you, well except 2 of you. You know who you are. (Josee just harrumphs as she and Jacques don’t bother to pay any attention to either of them. Jordan and Sam give them both 2 thumbs up as they walk off.)

Don: (he and 12 other people wave them off) Well, so ends another chapter in crazy novel that is reality competition television. Who’s story will come to a close next? Find out next time on the Ridonculous Race! (Smiles for the camera)

=== Best of Carrie and Devin === (A slideshow is shown of Carrie and Devin's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Carrie and Devin voice-over as they play the slideshow.)

Carrie: (voice) It was a tough race but I think we learned a lot from this experience.

Devin: (voice) Sure it was painful and taxing and exhausting but it helped me see that I want to be with Carrie.

Carrie: (voice) And I want to be with Devin, no matter how long or short that is.

Devin: (voice) Well I promise we’re not going to end anytime soon.

Carrie: (voice) Throughout it all you were my hero.

Devin: (voice) Looking back I think I will be able to enjoy most this. And with any luck I can learn to laugh at myself cause let’s face it, I did a lot of stupid things.

Carrie: (voice) I think my favorite part will be both of our wins.

Devin: (voice) I think my favorite part will be when I finally realized how much you mean to me.

Carrie: (voice) We’ll be forever grateful for all the friendships we made, all the unforgettable memories, all the exotic places we visited and all the awesome moments we had together as a team. Partner.

Devin: (voice) I can’t wait to see Shelly’s face when she watches this. Maybe she’ll have a heart attack! (Both laugh)

(Both are seen walking through downtown Athens as night falls, they pass by the restaurant Josee unintentionally saved from bankruptcy)

Devin: (Notices the restaurant) Hey Carrie I was thinking, maybe we should have our first date here? I mean we don’t have to go home immediately. 

Carrie: I’d really love that. (Both walk into the restaurant. Things transition into an illustrated drawing of the two of them, looking like something you’d find in a sketchbook. Zoom out to reveal the drawing was made by none other than Aphrodite, the love goddess. She has strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes and a rose pink robe. She’s finished writing something in a book. She closes the book, its title says “Carrie and Devin: The Friendship”)

Aphrodite: Well, that ends that. (She puts the book on her shelf with literally all the other love stories she’s written throughout time) Now onto the really good stuff. (Grabs another book, this one is blank but on the cover it says “Carrie and Devin: The Relationship”. She opens it and starts writing) Chapter One: 1st Date. Devin led Carrie into the Greek restaurant. She loved Mediterranean food and had eaten it many times before but this time things would be different. They go up to the front desk and speak to the cashier… (Her talking drones out and we focus on someone else in the background behind her. She’s got short brown hair in a bob cut, a wreath made of olive leaves on her head, a fire burning above the wreath, golden eyes, white wings, and a very light blue robe. It’s none other than Nike, the victory goddess. She places chess pieces that look like Devin and Carrie on a pedestal labeled 8th place, behind them are chess pieces of all the other eliminated teams on pedestals in their respective rankings. The chess pieces of the final 14 competitors hover in her left hand. Before her lie the last 7 pedestals. She still seems undecided as to what she should do next)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My next fanon episode. Oh boy this was a whopper to write but that's what I get for paying homage to Greek Mythology. It certainly was easier to translate some labors into challenges easier than others that's for sure. Devin and Carrie finally spat it out and with that their story is done, personally I think it's better for them to just leave this way than get ejected due to injuries. Leo shows Josee what he really thinks about her and trust me those 2 aren't done yet. Favorite part of this episode: Inclusion of the Greek gods, to them we're all just some stupid silly little show meant to entertain them. 
> 
> Next episode: Italy
> 
> Team Placements:  
> MacArthur & Sanders (1st Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)  
> Sam & May (3rd Place)  
> Leo & Annie (4th Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (5th Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (6th Place)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Devin & Carrie (8th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (9th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (12th place)  
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owen & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	31. Rome for the Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team's head back to Italy and roam all around Rome for their challenges.

Don: Previously on the Ridonculous Race, our teams went to Greece and accomplished several Herculean labors. There were deadly animals, temporary team ups and one venomous gorgon. Though Sanders was down one arm this didn’t stop the cadets from taking gold away from our least favorite Olympians, who says every Greek tale has to be a tragedy? Speaking of pathos Devin finally confessed his love to Carrie and they officially became a couple, good thing they’ve got each other cause they are out of the running for the million. (Is walking in front of a statue of the goddess Nike) What does Nike have in store for our remaining teams? Find out today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera with a glare) 

(Intro plays)

(Don stands next to the don box by the Archaeological Museum. Sanders and MacArthur are next to him) 

Don: Welcome back to Greece. Our next leg is about to begin. Cadets you get the first tip. (Both walk up to the don box and press the button)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: Winning yesterday was great but placing ahead of Jacques and Josee again is even better.  
\---> MacArthur: It was especially sweet to see their faces when we got those gold medals. That was priceless. I need to get a photo of that hung on my wall.

Sanders: (reads tip) Oh nice we’re going back to Italy. Rome to specific. (MacArthur picks her up and carries her)

MacArthur: Hustle!

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of Rome. Tarantella plays) The capital of what was once the world’s greatest empire, Rome is well known for its fabulous food (A variable Italian smorgasbord is shown) stunning cinema (Posters of Fellini films are shown) and amazing architecture. (Old Churches are shown) Teams will fly to Rome’s airport and look around for the don box with their next tip.

(Jacques and Josee get their tip and run like the wind)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Getting silver in the birthplace of the Olympics brings great shame to both of us but don’t worry we will succeed this time and if not well let’s just say Rome will burn a 2nd time.

(More teams get their tips and leave for the Athens Airport. They all book passage on the same 2 hour flight)

Don: (voice) Rome is just 2 hours away but for now the teams can relax and talk strategy.

(On the plane we see the animaniacs and the anime nerds talk to father and son)

Sam: It’s getting really intense now isn’t it?

Dwayne: I know, I can almost feel the $1 million briefcase in my hands.

Jordan: So what are your plans for the money?

Dwayne: Well you know typical stuff, pay off debt, invest and make more not to mention put it towards my retirement fund.

Junior: I definitely feel like that money is really going to help me get into a good college, but to be honest I don’t know what to do with my life. I mean right now I’m told old to order off the kids menu but I can’t drive yet I still feel like I should know what I should accomplish.

May: Junior let me let you in on a little secret about adulthood. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. Even the most well put together individual is winging it. Take me for example, with my grades I easily could’ve gotten into Stanford but instead I’m opting for film school and I don’t even know which one I’m going to. But that’s the great appeal of life, not knowing what will happen is scary but also very exciting when you find out what will happen. And you don’t need to hurry up and decide what you need to do immediately. Vera Wang designed her first dress at age 40, Harrison Ford was a carpenter at age 30, Oprah didn’t reach success until her 30s and this was after being fired several times, at 23 Tina Fey was working at a YMCA, at 24 Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer, at 27 Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school, at 28 J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare, at 28 Wayne Coyne was a fry cook, at 30 Martha Stewart was a stockbroker, at 37 Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs, Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39 and got her own cooking show at age 51, Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40, Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career and landed his first movie role at 42, Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first major movie role until he was 46, Morgan Freeman landed his first major movie role at 52, Kathryn Bigelow won Best Director when she made The Hurt Locker at 57, even Grandma Moses didn’t start painting until she was 75. Take your time to figure yourself out, don’t feel hopeful about the future, just curious about what might transpire.

Junior: Wow that was really inspiring.

Fabian: In my eyes, you’re already more mature than the 13-year olds I knew in middle school. And a few 18-year olds I knew in high school.

Junior: Sam? There’s one thing I’ve always wanted to ask you. How and when did you find out you were bisexual?

Sam: Well you see it all went down like this.

(Flashback. The young teenaged Sam is seen doing his homework. He’s only just started to blossom so his clothing befits a newbie punk. Suddenly there’s a tapping at his window. He looks and sees a peacock at his window sill. He opens the window and the bird presents him with a letter. He opens it and, on the inside, it says “You’re Bisexual!” Sam is then transported down a rainbow hole to a magical fantasy land where a bunch of other bisexual people are throwing a massive party. He’s asked to join them on the dance floor and winds dancing next to a unicorn and a dragon)

Dwayne: (scoffing) A dragon? I find that highly unlikely.

Sam: Says the heteronormative one. (Everyone laughs)

(The plane lands at the Leonardo Da Vinci Airport. Teams get off the plane ASAP)

Don: (voice) The plane is in Italy and the mad dash to get to the tip first is on.

(Outside the airport is the first don box; the siblings get to it first)

Leo: (Presses button and reads the tip) All-in. Pasta La Vista. That is such a cliché title.

(Don is seen walking to a restaurant)

Don: In this all teams will have to make their way to this ristorante, which isn’t how the Italians eat or spell it. (Is inside the kitchen as 2 chefs make pasta the traditional way) They will then have to choose from one of the over 350 pasta shapes native to Italy and make 100 pieces, when the head chef approves of their work, he will give them their next tip.

(People call out for taxis and one by one they leave for the restaurant. Pretty soon everyone gets there)

Emma: Time for lunch. (Everyone heads inside and finds the chef who will be supervising todays challenge) Are you the chef who will give us our next tip?

Chef: Depends, are you all from the race show?

Kitty: Yep.

Chef: Very well then. Follow me. (Leads them all to the kitchen) Here’s the kitchen and here’s your task for today. (Gives each team a card with a particular pasta shape on it. The Sisters got Bucatini, Father/Son got Ravioli, Animaniacs got Cavatappi, Anime Nerds got Fusilli, Siblings got Penne Ricce, Ice Dancers got Farfalle, and the Cadets got Campanelle) Don’t burn down my kitchen. (Snaps fingers and they all start grabbing the basic ingredients. They then start making the dough, which involves dumping a pound of flour onto a cutting block, forming a well, adding 5 eggs, combining the 2 and kneading it. They then wait for it to rise, when that’s over they start to cut it into pieces and feed it through the first of several machines that will give their pasta their unique shape. The hand powered machines prove to be rather hard to operate for some people. The siblings produce their first dozen noodles and start to cut them. The ice dancers start folding their pasta into bowties)

Josee: We’re doing good Jacques, just consider it like edible origami.

Emma: (kneads the dough) You do realize they have machines for this right?

Josee: The Italians are all about quality and fine craftsmanship, doing by hand is much more authentic and better this way.

Kitty: That sounds like something a hipster says to defend something they know is terrible just so they can feed off the uniqueness of "not confirming to the status quo" (Ducks as a knife is thrown at her head) I’ll shut up now.

Dwayne: (is busy making the cheese filling for the raviolis) Figures we get the only pasta that has to be stuffed.

Junior: (is putting the dough through the first roller) Just keep at it dad, it’s like you always tell me. “Never say never” (Dwayne looks happy that Junior is finally taking his advice and listening to him)

(Annie takes her pasta dough from a roller puts it up against a newspaper, she can read it so it’s good to go. That’s when she puts it through the penne pasta cutter. Bits of pasta come pouring out while Leo starts work on a second batch of dough. MacArthur breaks the handle off a roller. She and Sanders then switch positions, she makes more dough while Sanders shapes it. The hands on the clock keep on moving and the first few teams are about to be finished with all 100 pieces.)

Annie: Finally, we’re done. I’ll get the chef. (Alerts the chef to her team’s completion of the challenge and the chef holds the pasta in his hands and looks at it closely. Then he gives them their tip)

Leo: Yes! Where to next?

Annie: (reads tip) Make your way on foot to the Colosseum. 

(Don is now seen sitting in the bleachers of the Colosseum)

Don: Everyone knows about the Colosseum. The precursor to today’s football stadiums it’s here people were entertained by spectacles even more violent, brutal and mind numbing than modern sports. (We can see several chariots, each of whom has 2 horses set to pull it lying in wait in the stadium) Teams will have to ride one of these chariots around the interior 5 times before a tip will be lowered for them to grab. What’s more teams can fight each other with classic gladiator weapons to usurp the lead. Getting here first is undoubtedly a major advantage.

(Annie and Leo exit the restaurant)

Annie: I hope all that pasta will be put to good use.

Leo: I’m sure it will.

(Back inside)

Josee: Come on come on! Hurry it up! We just need a few more! (She and Jacques finish folding their last few pieces of Farfalle) Yes! (Runs over to the chef and drags him to their station) See! See! We’re done!

Chef: (Examines their pasta closely before giving them their tip) Si, but you need to practice a little self-control.

Josee: You’re not the boss of me. (Jacques sand Josee read their tip and then high tail it out of the restaurant, running over a server carrying soup in the process) Come on we must make up for lost time.

Chef: Dio santo, che puttana pazza.

(The Siblings walk through Rome and are amazed and taken aback by the beauty of this ancient city. Contrast to the Ice dancers who run through the streets, oblivious to any passersby.)

(The Anime nerds, Father/Son, Sisters and Animaniacs get their tips next. All of them exit the restaurant.)

MacArthur: Come on Sanders we just need a few more pieces.

Sanders: (is cutting off the pasta as it exits the extruder) Well here they are. (Brings them over to their table)

MacArthur: Chef! (The chef arrives at their station and looks at their handiwork. He then gives them the tip) Ciao bella!

Sanders: (Reads it) To the Colosseum.

MacArthur: I have a feeling I am gonna love this challenge! (They run out the restaurant)

(In the back alley behind the restaurant one of the chefs is seen dumping all the pasta into the street where stray dogs and cats enjoy themselves. One cocker spaniel and one mutt are seen feeding on the same batch of Bucatini. They both wind up slurping up the same strand of noodle, their lips touch, they look at each other, bare their teeth and attack each other. What do think this is, a Disney movie?)

(The siblings wind up being the first team to make it to the Colosseum. They see the chariots, grab weapons and start to race around the inner oval. Shortly after they begin all the other teams arrive, suit up and start to ride.)

MacArthur: Your call, do you want me to fight or to drive? Cause I could probably do both simultaneously.

Sanders: (ponders) I’ll let you drive but you need to promise and assure me that you won’t turn this into another dune buggy demolition derby. And mean it this time.

MacArthur: (salutes) Scouts honor. (They hop on board one chariot and start to ride)

(Everyone is now riding around the inner circle. It goes Siblings, Ice Dancers, Anime Nerds, Sisters, Animaniacs, Father/Son and finally Cadets )

Josee: (Has the siblings in her sights) Think you can usurp our spot as number 1? We’ll see about that! Hiya! (Whips the ropes of the chariot and the horses run faster)

(From behind them we can see Sam and May encroaching upon them.)

May: We need to divert their attention so Annie and Leo can get the tip first.

Sam: Shouldn’t we go after Annie and Leo first?

May: You want to deal with Jacques and Josee for another leg?

Sam: Good point. (Whips the ropes and the horses run to catch up to the Ice Dancers. Behind them we see Kitty and Fabian engaged in a fight, in addition to Dwayne and Sanders. Before Jacques can lay waste to Leo and Annie May bumps their chariot) Hey, why don’t you tango with a real threat?

Jacques: I would but since there isn’t one around, you’ll do just fine. (Their swords clash and they use their shields to defend as the ladies start to play bumper chariot. The other 4 teams also skirmish while Leo and Annie race on ahead unopposed. Some time later Leo and Annie have pulled up ahead and can see the tip dangling from a wooden beam)

Leo: Quick get on my shoulders!

Annie: Okay! (Annie climbs onto her brother and stands on his shoulders, ready to grab the tip while keeping her balance. Josee tries to bump them but May makes sure she can’t pull ahead. Annie grabs the tip uninterrupted) Yes! (Hops down from Leo)

Leo: Where do we go next?

Annie: We must ride vespas to our next tip at the Trevi Fountain.

(Don is seen next to the Trevi Fountain)

Don: Ah the Trevi Fountain, undoubtedly one of the world’s most beautiful. It’s here the next challenge lies. (Stands next to 7 of those tiny little European cars) Such cute cars. If teams want to ride one these tiny cars they’ll have to get the keys from that (Points to a vending machine in an alley) vending machine, in order to get money for it one of them will have to amass $15 from searching the Trevi Fountain. (Is now seen riding a tiny car through the beautiful Italian country side) Once you’ve gotten your car started you’ll have to drive it all the way to Florence. (Is now seen on the chill zone in the Florence city square) Last team here will probably be waving the million dollars addio. (Waves)

(Leo and Annie park their chariot and then make their way outside of the Colosseum and hop on a vespa and head off. Inside the Colloseum the Ice Dancers and Anime Nerds are about to reach the tip next)

Josee: I’m tired of interruptions, finish them now!

Jacques: Oui! (Nods head) Avoir une charge de ceci! (Swings sword towards both Sam and May. Both manage to duck in time but May’s hair flies up and Jacques’ sword slices a considerable amount of it off. May looks on distressed that her hair is now only down to her waist. She looks on as her hair is blown away by the Italian breeze as somber Japanese music plays. May remembers all the memories she made with that hair like when she used it to keep herself warm on winter nights, when she cosplayed as Japanese Rapunzel, drawing portraits of herself with her hair all done up like a French aristocrat and how Sam used to play with it by make believing he had facial hair.)

Sam: Oh damn! You’re in for it now!

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: If there’s one thing May prides more than her grades, it’s her hair. I’ve always simultaneously wanted and not wanted to see what happened if someone cut it against her will.

May: (Stares at Jacques and Josee. We are then treated to a red tinted flashback as the theme from Ironside by Quincy Jones plays. May is seen wearing a wedding dress and is being beaten to bloody pulp in a small wedding chapel in El Paso, Texas. Several other slain bodies are all around her. She falls to ground barely conscious, she stares up wearily and notices Jacques and Josee looking down on her and smirking while dressed in black.) Shoubu wa mada tsuicha inai yo! (Grabs Sam’s sword and the sticks it into the spokes of the Ice Dancer’s chariot wheel, causing the chariot to come to an abrupt stop and both Jacques and Josee to be propelled into the wooden beam where the tip lies. Both then hit the beam and fall to the ground. May then takes preemptive measures by jumping up and claiming her teams tip as Sam drives his chariot over both of them. As they wearily get up May gives them a look that screams “we aren’t finished”)

Josee: (weak) New rule, if we want to sabotage that team we don’t do it by messing with her hair.

Jacques: (hurt) Agreed. (Both walk uneasily to another chariot)

Sam: That was rather therapeutic. What do we have to do next?

May: (reads tip) Make our way to the Trevi Fountain.

Sam: Nice! (Pulls over)

(Leo and Annie are riding the vespa through Rome. Annie is at the helm while Leo sits behind her. Annie is laughing and having the time of her life)

Leo: Let me take over.

Annie: No, no let go I can do it. (Waves to people on the streets)

(Back at the Colosseum. Sam and May exit their chariot, get on a vespa and depart. Inside the amphitheater the Sisters and Animaniacs are about to approach the tip)

Fabian: (Still battles Kitty) Should I give you a lift?

Jordan: Yes please.

Kitty: Oh no you don’t! (Swings her axe into Fabian’s shield. Then she excerpts herself straight up as they ride under the beam and uses her feet to snatch the tip)

Emma: Nice going Kitt!

Fabian: Likewise.

Kitty: Sorry guys bye! (Emma pulls their chariot over while Jordan and Fabian continue to race. The Cadets and Father/Son approach the tip next.)

Dwayne: Sorry officer but I’m getting the tip this time.

Sanders: Wishful thinking. (Uses Dwayne’s face as a step and grabs the tip as they ride under it)

MacArthur: Nice going Sanders. (When Sanders is back on the chariot, she pulls it over while Dwayne and Junior continue to race)

Junior: You okay dad?

Dwayne: Not the worst thing that’s happened to me on this race, so just keep going. At least she keeps her boots nice and clean.

(The sisters and cadets get onto their vespas and depart. The Animaniacs, Ice Dancers and Father/Son start another lap around the Colosseum. Fortunately, the Ice Dancers are so hurt they can only command their horses to run at just a brisk pace which means the other 2 teams can pull far ahead of them.)

Jordan: (To Junior) What do you say we work in tandem to get our tips?

Junior: Sure, how?

Jordan: Dwayne take control of the reigns. (Dwayne does so) Now Junior I need you to get on his shoulders.

Junior: I may not be 4 anymore but okay. (climbs onto his dads’ shoulder) You okay dad?

Dwayne: I’ll be fine.

Jordan: Okay good now Fabian hold your hands out. (Fabian does so) Now Junior see if you can place a foot on his hands.

Junior: Here comes the balancing act. (Junior does manage to place one foot on Fabian’s hands while keeping another on his father’s shoulder. Both men try and keep him stable) Here it comes! (Grabs 2 tips) I got them! (Fabian lowers his hands so that Junior can hop onto his chariot. He then gives Fabian and Jordan a tip and both teams pull over to the side and make their way over to the vespas)

(When it dawns on Josee that her team could be going home she powers through the pain and makes the horses run like the wind again. Jacques lifts her up and she grabs the tip with her feet, just like Kitty)

Josee: Finally.

Jacques: (reads tip) Okay pull over and then we can make our way to the Trevi Fountain.

Josee: Oh no, we lost too much time thanks to those manga maniacs. Hiya! (Commands the horses to ride out of the Colosseum and into the streets of Rome, almost running over some people on the sidewalk and causing one woman to drop her groceries) Now to the fountain!

(Out in Rome the teams are trying their best to navigate the busy streets. Annie and Leo buy gelato and then ride off. Sam and May pass by a corner side café and Sam snags a cup of coffee from one man, he says “Grazzi” before leaving. Fabian and Jordan ride through an artist’s bazaar and get covered in a myriad of paints. Sanders and MacArthur put a polizia sticker on their vespa which allows them to cut through traffic with ease. Emma and Kitty get directions from 2 people who look like Princess Ann and Joe Bradley. Dwayne and Junior are helpless to stop themselves from colliding with a man operating a fruit cart, however when they collide with it they realize it’s just a statue dedicated to fruit carts. They get back on their vespa and ride on elsewhere. Jacques and Josee have to dodge the street cars of Rome and then get caught in a roundabout)

(Trevi Fountain. The siblings wind up being the first team to arrive. They find the don Box press the button on top and get their next tip)

Leo: (He and Annie read the tip) So who’s gonna get the money?

Annie: Leave it to me. (Steps up to the fountain, steps out of her shoes and her tights and gives them to her brother for safe keeping, then she starts to search the fountain. She frolics about in the waters like Sylvia in La Dolce Vita as music similar to Love Theme from Cinema Paradiso plays. Eventually she manages to find a whole bunch of coins and holds them in her hands.) Hope this is enough. (She steps out of the fountain and runs up to her brother. He deposits the coins into the vending machine until they can make their choice of keys. When the keys fall down he picks them up and both quickly start testing which car the keys work with, eventually they gain access to a yellow green car) Florence here we come. (Step into the passenger seat)

Leo: (gives his sister her shoes and tights as he gets in the driver set) See if there’s a map somewhere. (Puts the keys in the ignition and drives off)

(After they leave the sisters are the next team to arrive and get the next tip)

Emma: Let me do this, I can identify foreign money. (Removes shoes and starts to search the fountain. While she does this the Cadets, Animaniacs, and Anime Nerds arrive. Fabian, May and MacArthur search the fountain, though Jordan does hop in for a brief moment to wash herself off. Eventually it goes Sisters, Anime Nerds, Cadets and Animaniacs as they find enough coins, get a key and then drive off to Florence. After they all leave Dwayne and Junior arrive next.)

Dwayne: (reads the tip) Finding coins, that seems simple enough. Why don’t you do this son?

Junior: Fine by me. (Removes shoes and jacket before he steps into the fountain) Here goes everything. (starts scooping up coins by the handful and puts them into his pockets. As this happens Jacques and Josee finally arrive on their chariot.)

Jacques: Was it really necessary to run through that orphanage?

Josee: They ran for it in time. (Both get off the chariot and get the next tip) You’re up. Be quick!

Jacques: Oui! (Steps into the fountain and starts to gather money. That’s when he notices Junior and gets a better idea. He picks him by his ankles and shakes all the cash he collected out of his pockets and into his hand.) Grazi! (He then hangs Junior by his shirt on the heads of one of the horse statues) Why don’t you just hang around for a while?

Junior: Hey! That’s not fair!

Jacques: Fairs are for tourists. (As he steps out of the fountain and is confronted by Dwayne) Pardon?

Dwayne: (stern) I’m afraid you have something that belongs to my team. Please give it to me now.

Jacques: Am I supposed to be intimidated right now? Out of my way suburbanite! (Tries to push him out of the way but Dwayne grabs his hand)

Dwayne: That’s it! I have been nothing but cordial to you and your partner but all the 2 of you have done this competition is cheat your way to the top and disregard every other competitor. This is supposed to be fun but all the 2 of you want is to succeed no matter what the cost. Well let me tell you right now that you’ll never get anywhere with those attitudes you... you… punk ass sons of bitches!

Jacques: Such brave words, if only a braver man said them. (Picks up Dwayne and tosses him into the fountain. Dwayne hits his head on one of the statues and fall into the water face first and not moving)

Junior: Dad!

(Jacques and Josee deposit the coins into the vending machine, get their keys, find their car and take off)

Jacques: Sorry you had to see that Josee.

Josee: Don’t apologize, I found it amusing how Clark Griswold tried to stand up and be a formidable adversary. To be had he’s so incompetent he can’t even do it once.

(Back at the fountain Junior has gotten down from the statue and has dragged his father out of the water.)

Junior: (sad) Dad please you can’t leave me yet, I’m not ready. I still want you to be there to teach me to drive and see me graduate and possibly get married. I’m not ready to lose you yet. (Breaks down crying into his father’s chest. After a few moments he feels, something he looks up and sees his dads’ hand on his back)

Dwayne: (groggy) Me too Junior, me too.

Junior: Dad! (Hugs him) Are you okay? Should we go to the hospital?

Dwayne: (Tries to stand up) I’ll be fine, you go and collect the coins we need.

Junior: (steps back into the fountain and quickly amasses and whole butt load of coins. He and his dad make their way to the vending machine, insert enough coins to get a pair of keys and then get into a car) Dad are you sure you’re in good enough shape to drive?

Dwayne: I’ll be fine, now can you see if there’s a map in here?

Junior: (finds one in the glove compartment) Yeah.

Dwayne: Then guide me on our way to Florence. (Starts the car and then drives off)

Don: (voice) All the teams are now making their way to the chill zone.

(We get a 7 split screen showing all the cars driving to Florence. Then, somewhere in the countryside, the car of the cadets is seen coming to dead stop.)

Sanders: I think something’s up with the car.

MacArthur: I’ll check it, I got an A in auto shop. (Gets out the car, lifts the car’s hood, and looks at the various car parts)

Sanders: (Voice) So what’s the matter?

MacArthur: Everything seems to be in the right place, maybe we just have a dead battery. (Gets an idea) In that case. (Pulls out the Taser, turns it on and uses it on the cars battery) Try and drive forward. (Sanders complies and the car starts to drive forward) Woo hoo! Yeah! (Removes the taser only for the car to come to a complete stop again)

Sanders: What happened? It was working for a moment.

MacArthur: (repeatedly takes the Taser on and off the battery and notices the car only moves when she uses the Taser on it) If we want to keep this car moving I’m gonna have to apply the Taser to the battery while you drive.

Sanders: Then you’ll have to be my eyes.

MacArthur: Okay. (Applies the Taser to the battery and Sanders continues to drive) Okay you’re good for now. (Notices a left curve) There’s a curve on your left. (Sanders carefully drives to the left)

(At the chill zone one tiny car comes to a screeching halt, Don recoils. Jacques and Josee step out of it and plant all 4 feet on the chillzone, they wave to all their fans)

Don: Hey guys, quick question. What wears way too much pink and is getting a 35-minute penalty? (A big red 35:00 appears above their heads and starts to countdown) You 2, that’s who.

Jacques: What did we do wrong this time?

Don: A. You drove your chariot to the fountain rather than the vespas. B. You stole from Junior and threw Dwayne into the fountain and C. Look at what you did here in Florence! (Points to the ice dancers trail of destruction. In their hurry to secure gold they drove through several fruit stands, a corner side café, a few mail boxes, a fire hydrant, a streetlight, rear ended other cars and nearly ran over some people)

Josee: (casually) Oh yeah, that. (Both she and Jacques step off to the side and wait out their penalty. Sam and May come running onto the chillzone next)

Sam: Yes! First again!

Don: Not quite. As much as I hate Henie and Gretsky I have to be fair to all the teams, and since May enacted with unnecessary, though somewhat justified, roughness during the chariot race I have to issue your team a 15 minute penalty. (A big red 15:00 appears above them and starts to count down)

May: (She and Sam step off to the side) I regret nothing.

Sam: Neither do I.

Jacques: Wait a minute why does she only get a 15-minute penalty?

Don: I like her more than you. I never said I had to be completely fair (To the camera) As 2 teams wait for their penalties to end 1st place is still up for grabs.

(We see Dwayne and Junior driving but suddenly the road is blocked a massive herd of sheep who don’t seem to be going anywhere)

Junior: Just honk, it will scare them away. (Dwayne honks the cars horn but this only causes a few rams to headbutt their tiny car and turn it over on its side)

Dwayne: What do you say we wait until they cross the road so as not to be injured?

Junior: I’m game. (Dwayne and Junior start to wait as the sheep move so slowly even snails could surpass them)

(We now momentarily focus on Fabian and Jordan)

Fabian: (looks at map) Okay keep on E35 and then we should pass through Valle dell’Inferno e Bandella. (Car comes to an abrupt stop) What was that for? (Puts down map and can see why Jordan stopped, a black wolf is on the road approximately 30 feet ahead, it stares at them. Canis Lups by Alexandre Desplat plays)

Jordan: Where’d he come from?

Fabian: (to wolf) Where’d you come from? (No response) What are you doing here?

Jordan: I don’t think he speaks English.

Fabian: Sal del camino por favor? (Nothing happens) Well he doesn’t speak Spanish either. (Unbuckles self, opens the car door and steps out)

Jordan: What are you doing?

Fabian: Something new. (Stands in front of the car and faces the wolf) You know when I was little I used to be scared of wolves but really, I was just afraid of werewolves. But not anymore, I freaking love wolves. I think you’re awesome! (Raises left fist to the sky, the wolf retaliates by raising its left paw to the sky) What a beautiful creature. (To Jordan) Wish him luck out there.

Jordan: Good luck out there.

(The wolf walks off to the left side of the road, it pauses momentarily to get one last look at Fabian and Jordan before disappearing into the fields)

Fabian: (Gets back in car and buckles self) Let’s roll. (Jordan drives off) Do you think it’s a sign?

Jordan: Yeah, but for what I don’t know.

(Near the Florence city square Emma and Kitty are shown parking their tiny car and running to the chill zone)

Don: (the sisters place all 4 feet on the carpet of completion) 1st place goes once again to Emma and Kitty! (Both hug in joy) And now for your prize. I’ve always wanted to say this. Ladies here’s your brand-new car! (Motions to the side as a model drives a red and black Ferrari 458 Spider to the chillzone. The sisters scream in joy while the ice dancers and anime nerds look on mortified) Behold, the Ferrari 458 Spider, complete with 568 horse power engine, 7 speed transmission, yellow brake calibers, electrically operated seats, Upod combabilities, Ferrari shields, satellite radio navigation, Bluetooth, carbon fiber body, front and rear parking sensors, leather headliners and in-color stitching! (Hands them the keys. Kitty takes them)

Kitty: We have got to take a selfie of this! (She and Emma pose on the hood and she snaps a photo of the 2 of them smiling from ear to ear)

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: A Ferrari?! This the best day of my life!  
\---> Emma: One problem though. There’s only one pair of keys.  
\---> Kitty: Well since you got your license first. You can. It’s only fair. (Gives her the keys)  
\---> Emma: (Touched) Really? Thank you Kitty! (They hug)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: That car was almost ours!  
\---> Josee: Oh let them have it! Once we win the million we’ll be able to buy our own Ferrari!

(Confessional)  
\---> May: I accept full responsibility on us losing that car.  
\---> Sam: Don’t blame yourself. Running over Jacques and Josee was worth it. Besides we probably won’t be able to afford the upkeep of a car like that until we make our first movie.

(Leo and Annie come running onto the chill zone next)

Don: Siblings take 2nd! (They high 5)

Annie: (notices the Ferrari) Oh my goodness is that a Ferrari?

Emma: Yep and we won it for coming in first.

Leo: (sighs) Grandpa would love to so much as even sit in a car like that.

Sam: Am I the only one that’s going to wonder how much of the prize money did the producers dip into to pay for that?

Kitty: Something tells me that taxes would already take few thousand dollars from the prize.

May: Like that’s not obvious.

(Back with Dwayne and Junior we see their car is still on its side and they have fallen asleep waiting. All of a sudden Junior wakes up and notices the sheep are gone)

Junior: (Shakes his father) Dad wake up! They’re gone!

Dwayne: (Wakes up) Huh? (snaps back to it) They’re gone? Excellent! Let’s get back on the road.

Junior: But how are we gonna get the car upright?

Dwayne: (unbuckles self) Leave that to me. Pardon. (Opens the only available car door, exits the vehicle, closes the door and goes to the side of the cars roof)

Junior: What are you going to do?

Dwayne: Well every now and then you hear about someone who gets a great surge of strength brought on by intense situations, with any luck I can trigger that and it will allow me to flip the car upright. (Grabs the cars roof and gets ready to lift)

Junior: I don’t know dad this car may be smaller than our SUV but I still don’t think you can lift it.

Dwayne: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. (Tries to lift the car, he struggles greatly but the adrenal glands kick in and Dwayne manages to flip the car upright!) Yes! (Feels a pain in his back) Oh dammit! I think I threw my back out.

Junior: Can you still drive?

Dwayne: I’ll try. (Gets, buckles up and both of them head of to Florence)

Junior: Dad?

Dwayne: Yes Junior?

Junior: That was really cool what you just did. (hugs him)

(At the chill zone Sam and May’s penalty is up)

Don: Anime nerds you take 3rd. (Sam and May walk onto the chill zone. About 5 minutes later Fabian and Jordan run onto it next) Animaniacs take 4th.

Fabian: I’m always number 4 in life so that’s fine by me. (They sit by Sam and May)

(A few more minutes later, the Cadets come driving towards the chill zone. MacArthur removes the taser and both of them then run onto the carpet of completion)

Don: Cadets you take 5th! (They high 5)

MacArthur: May not be first place but it is ahead of the ice dancers so it’s fine by me.

Sanders: See how much more fun and easy things are when you don’t try and wreck everything in the progress?

MacArthur: Yeah you do have a point but let’s face it, the real MVP of today was my trusty taser. (Tries to turn it on once again for show but nothing happens) Huh? (Tries to turn it on a few more times but to no avail) No! (Skyward scream) Nooooooooooo! (Starts to cry)

Sanders: Are you okay?

MacArthur: (through tears) I’ll be better once those glorified Zamboni machines leave. How much longer?

Don: (looks at watch) 16 minutes. I don’t know where Dwayne and Junior are but they better hurry up.

(The Ice Dancers look nervous. Out in the countryside Dayne and Junior get directions from a shepherd and then get back on the road, the ice dancers’ chance of staying in the competition increases as the seconds countdown. Some time later Junior and Dwayne can see the edge of Florence)

Dwayne: There it is.

Junior: Yes, now we just have to make it to the chill zone and we’re one day closer to winning it all. (Suddenly the car starts to slow down) What’s happening? (They look and see that their gas tank is empty. Their car then comes to a total stop) Great. Now we’ve got to run for it! (Gets out of the car and runs to the city square, he turns back and sees that his dad is struggling to run) Are you okay?

Dwayne: I’ll be fine just go on ahead, I promise I’ll meet you there.

Junior: (Sighs but runs on ahead, sometime later he makes it to the chill zone)

Don: Nice to see you Junior, where’s your dad?

Junior: He said he’d catch up to me.

Don: Well I can’t call your team safe until both members arrive. And the Ice Dancers still have 2 minutes left on their penalty, so I’m gonna have to ask you to step to the side until he arrives. (Junior does so)

Junior: Come on dad.

(Out in Florence Dwayne is seen running as fast as he can, he soon gets the idea to follow the Ice Dancers trail of destruction. He continues to run but eventually it becomes to much for him and he’s forced to crawl. As Junior waits for his dad the Ice Dancer’s penalty finally ends and they step onto the carpet of completion)

Don: (unamused) Ice Dancers, 6th place. (Everyone turns to the left and sees Dwayne finally arriving)

Junior: (walks up to his father and helps him back onto his feet) Come on dad.

Dwayne: We lost, didn’t we?

Junior: Yeah. (Both of them finally walk onto the chill zone) Give it to us Don.

Don: Father and Son you are the last team to arrive which means this marks the end of your participation in the race.

Dwayne: (shakes his hand) Well thank very much for inviting us. We really did have a blast. (He and Junior now speak to Sam, May, Jordan and Fabian) Sam, May, Jordan and Fabian, we both would like to thank all 4 of you for being such good friends to both of us this race.

Sam: Likewise, man.

May: (Gives Junior a card with her contact information) Just in case you need me to tutor you.

Junior: Thanks, you’ll come in real handy for algebra.

Jordan: (Gives them both a hug)

Fabian: (Just bows his head)

Dwayne: Well come on son, let’s go home. (They walk off as everyone save for the ice dancers waves them off)

Don: 6 teams remain but not for long, tune in next time to see who does and doesn’t make it to the chill zone, only on THE RIDOCNULOUS RACE.

=== Best of Dwayne and Junior === (A slideshow is shown of Dwayne and Junior’s best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Dwayne and Junior voice-over as they play the slideshow.)

Dwayne: (voice) I guess you were right Junior, I am cursed.

Junior: (voice) I wouldn’t call taking 7th place a curse, it’s actually pretty good considering all the issues we faced.

Dwayne: (voice) Point is Junior came in here a boy but is now leaving here a man.

Junior: (voice) Actually the idea of what constitutes a man in relation to maturity is based on old fashioned Victorian ideals that inhibit men to express emotions and show weakness.

Dwayne: (voice) Who taught you that?

Junior: (voice) Sam and May.

Dwayne: (voice) That figures. I just hope that we made memories that you can one day tell your own son about.

Junior: (voice) Everyone at school will be so jealous of me.

Dwayne: (voice) And I’ll have plenty of stories to tell at the office. I really hope your mom doesn’t get too mad once she watches the episodes.

Junior: (voice) My favorite part was winning in the North Pole.

Dwayne: (voice) I think my favorite part was being reunited with you in Zambia. (We can see the both of them walking down the streets of Florence as the sun starts to set) What do you say we re-watch episodes of Total Drama once we get back home?

Junior: Actually, Sam and May introduced me to this thing called Avatar and they say I had to start watching it when we got home.

Dwayne: Avatar, what’s that?

Junior: Well I don't want to spoil too much but let's just say it's a show that teaches you that sometimes the answers in life come simply if you ask for them. 

Dwayne: Oh, sounds lovely.

Junior: Trust me dad, you only know the half of it. (Pan up to the sunset sky)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fanon episode. This chapter was going to be longer but I just wanted to get it done so I cut out things I thought were unnecessary. That puts and end to Dwayne and Junior's tale, I like that I was able to bring them farther than in canon. I have some good news, with any luck I can finish writing the last of my fanon chapters by the end of the week which means I can stick to the canon chapters and then be done with this fic. Favorite part: May going all Black Mamba on Jacques and Josee. 
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Emma & Kitty (1st Place)  
> Leo & Annie (2nd Place)  
> Sam & May (3rd Place)  
> Jordan & Fabian (4th Place)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (5th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (6th Place)
> 
>  
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th Place)  
> Devin & Carrie (8th Place)  
> Tom & Jen (9th Place)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th Place)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th place)  
> Crimson & Ennui (12th place)  
> June & Quince (13th place)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th place)  
> Owen & Noah (15th place)  
> Dani & Syd (16th place)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	32. Westminster Side Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the teams travel to England they find themselves traversing the Thames, surmounting Stonehenge and conquering a castle

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, the teams went roaming around Rome where they played with oodles of noodles, clashed at the colosseum, and frolicked in a fountain. The ice dancers learned what happened when you cut May’s hair and the cadets learned how to use a taser in a hurry. At the end of it all we had to say addio to Dwayne and Junior but at least they bonded. (Is seen walking around the Piazza chill zone from last time) Who’s not gonna make it all the way? Let’s find out now here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We return to the Ridonculous Race. Don is seen in front of the camera at yesterday's Chill Zone with Emma and Kitty besides todays first Don Box. All the other teams are lined up behind them in the order they placed yesterday)

Don: (smiles) Welcome back to yesterday's Chill Zone in Florence. The first ones to leave today are Emma and Kitty. (They wave for the camera)

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: Winning that Ferrari yesterday was phenomenal!  
\---> Emma: Yes but the race still isn’t over yet. So, we can’t afford to slack off even for a moment, meaning we must always be on our toes.   
\---> Kitty: (stands on the tips of her toes just like Emma said)   
\---> Emma: (Sighs) Of course.

(They run to the Don Box and grab the tip)

Kitty: (reads the tip) Oh this gonna be fun, we’re going to England!

(Don stands in a slideshow show of Great Britain. Rule Britannia plays)

Don: (English accent) Oh yes jolly old England. Famous for their royal family (photos of Queen Elizabeth and her family are shown), iconic landmarks (photos Big Ben, the London Eye and Buckingham Palace are shown), music (The fab four are shown walking down Abbey Road), and literature (Portrait of William Shakespeare is shown. He is now seen walking down the streets of London) Teams will have to make their way here, to the capital city of London and look for the don box besides this famous building. (Camera zooms out to show he’s talking about Westminster Abbey)

(Back in Rome teams grab their tips and head to the closest airport)

Don: (regular voice) All the teams are on a short 2 ½ hour flight to the British Isles. And I’m very positive that famous British politeness won’t be utilized by anyone, well save for one. (We focus on Annie and Leo)

Annie: Can you believe it? After all these years of dreaming about it we’re going to London!

Leo: I know! This one’s for grandpa.

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: Our grandfather was born in London and came to America when he was 25 for a job in Cleveland. He ran into our grandmother quite literally when she accidentally ran him over with her car. She felt so guilty she paid for all his medical bills and while he recovered they got to know each other. After 3 years of dating they married  
\---> Annie: There’s a lot of family over in England we haven’t met yet so we feel like coming here is a chance for us to prove ourselves as proper Brits.

(We now focus on the ice dancers)

Josee: There’s only 5 teams left before we finally get our well-deserved gold. Now who do we crush next?

Jacques: The cadets are our biggest threat but I think the team we should take down today are the siblings. They’ve managed to survive our attempts at sabotage once but I doubt they could survive another one.

Josee: That Annie girl is my 3rd biggest consistent headache. We've got to take her down.

Jacques: But how?

Josee: (ponders) Good Question.

(Whimsical Music Plays)

Jacques: (sings) How do you solve a pain the ass like Anna?

Josee: (sings) How do you squish her joy like it's a bug?

Jacques: (sings) How can we be the grey cloud in her sunny sky?

Josee: (sings) And beat her with a stick like she's a rug?

Jacques: (sings) She's always wearing glasses with the shades as red as rose.

Josee: (sings) She's kind to every creature be they spiders or be crows.

Jacques: (sings) A girl like that's too much for any sane person to bear.

Josee: (sings) Her mind is on vacation with the all clouds up in the air.

Together: (sings) She's becoming a total blight on our existence. We've got to get her booted from the race. She's a bigger thorn with every passing hour.

Josee: (sings) Might I suggest we punch her in the face? (Punches fist into palm of hand, but Jacque rebukes the idea)

Jacques: (sings) She thinks she's such a saint because she's always looking up

Josee: (sings) It's like she's drinking joy in every single coffee cup.

Jacques: (sings) And now we're singing like some silly children’s show.

Josee: (sings) We've got to wipe the smile off that clown.

Together: (sings) Oh how do we solve a royal pain like Anna? How do we drag Ms. Sunshine down? (Music ends)

(The plane lands in England)

Don: (Voice) The teams have landed in the motherland and the race for the first clue begins.

Everyone: Taxi! (Taxis arrive and everyone gets into one) Westminster Abbey! (All the taxis drive off. Pretty soon all the taxis arrive at Westminster Abbey and all the contestants exit them, then they start searching for the don box. The cadets wind up being the 1st team to notice it, this one is dressed like the yeomen guard.)

Sander: (reads tip) All in. Row for it.

Don: (Is seen on a row boat while several other men paddle) Row boating is popular here in England, especially on the River Thames. In this all-in teams will have to work together to row a special type of boat called a punt across the river until they find a tip dangling from one of the low hanging bridges around here. It’s only fair warning that tips are first come first serve. (Reaches up to grab a tip from a low hanging bridge)

(More teams grab tips and then race to the Thames River and notice several punts laid aside for them)

MacArthur: What kind of canoe is this?

Sanders: It’s not a canoe, it’s a punt.

MacArthur: Hey I don’t like Jaqueline Frost anymore than you but that word is never kosher.

Sanders: I said PUNT.

MacArthur: Oh. (Both step onto their boat. The other teams soon follow and start rowing down the Thames. Pretty soon they all can see their first tip. Annie and Fabian stand up front and get ready to grab it, but Josee plows right through them both and knocks them into the water as she gets the tip for herself. Both Jordan and Leo help their partners back onto their punts)

Jordan: Rude.

Josee: (reads tip) Make your way to Stonehenge.

Don: (walks around Stonehenge) These giant stone monoliths are thousands of years old but nobody is quite sure how they were made. Some people believe it was aliens but smarter people believe the giant slabs of rock were rolled into position via a series of logs and a lot of patience. (Is seen next to several giant stone slabs and a lot of round logs) Teams will have to make like the ancient druids and move one of these giant slabs up to monument, one team mate will pull it with the rope while the other moves the logs from front to back. (Walks up to a local tour guide) Once they finish their task this tour guide will give them their next tip.

(Back on the Thames, Jacques and Josee dock their boat while everyone else continues to row down the river. They Ice Dancers then get into a taxi and ride it off to Stonehenge. The remaining teams approach the next tip. Annie and Fabian once again try to reach up for it but MacArthur uses their faces as steps and claims the tip for herself, Sanders apologizes and they dock their boat at the next dock and then depart for Stonehenge. The 4 remaining teams continue down the river. At the next bridge Fabian and Annie just let Kitty get the next tip so as to avoid any confrontation. As the sisters head off to Stonehenge the 3 remaining teams head further down the river. As they approach the next bridge Fabian and Annie once again vie for the tip and Fabians longer arms means he snatches it this time, as he and Jordan leave for Stonehenge the Anime Nerds and Siblings continue to down the river. As they make their way to another bridge Leo lifts Annie up so she can snatch the tip, after they head off for Stonehenge Sam and May just continue to row until they find the last tip. Sam takes off his shoes, approaches May and they do a modified handstand that allows him to snatch the tip with his feet, now they can finally dock the boat and head off to Stonehenge.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: (Inside the taxi) We know we’re in last place right now but we’re trying not stress about it cause, well the Ice Dancers stress about just being in 2nd place. We can always pull ahead in the next part of the challenge.

(Stonehenge. The first teams to arrive are the Ice Dancers and Siblings, they immediately head to the stone slabs and start to move them. Josee and Leo do the pulling while Jacques and Annie move the logs. When they are about ¼ up the hill all 4 other teams arrive.)

Fabian: Talk about serendipity. This is how me and May got you and Sam moving in Romania.

Jordan: Yeah but now we’re outside the coffin. Maybe you should move the logs while I haul the slab.

Fabian: No, no let me do this, it’s time I pull my own weight around here. (Grabs the rope)

Jordan: Okay then. (She moves the logs while Fabian moves forward. Other teams follow with MacArthur, Emma and Sam doing the hauling.)

Don: (Voice) All the teams are in a dead heat, who’s brute strength will allow them to usurp the lead?

Jacques: (His team is in the lead) Mon petite choux you are performing this exceptionally well.

Josee: The weight of this slab is nothing compared to the weight of shame that a silver medal brings me. (looks at the other teams. MacArthur is hauling almost too fast for Sanders while Leo, Sam and Emma are hauling at a nice brisk pace and then there’s Fabian who’s right next to her.)

Fabian: (Struggling to pull) Come on, just a few more feet! (Something unsettles him, he can literally feel a chill up his spine. He squirms, this causes him to let go of the rope and the monolith starts to fall) No! (Grabs the rope and tries to pull it back up but something gives, namely his arm) No! (He drops the stone monolith and it slides all the way down to the bottom, don’t worry Jordan leapt out of the way in time)

Jordan: What happened? (Looks at Fabian and can see his left arm, pulled out of its socket and just hanging there like a puppets arm) Oh my god! Are you okay?!

Fabian: I’ve been better.

Jordan: This, this isn’t good we need to get you to a hospital!

Fabian: No, we need to finish the challenge first and then we go to a hospital.

Jordan: Are you sure you want to finish this first? It’s not like the challenge is going anywhere.

Fabian: No, I can do this. I promise I can.

Jordan: Okay, if you say so. (Both run down to the bottom of the hill and start the whole process over again)

(Up at the top the Ice Dancers are the first team to successfully haul the slab up. After Josee unties herself from the rope they go to the tour guide and he gives them their next tip)

Jacques: (Reads tip) Go to Arundel Castle.

Don: (walks along the grounds of Arundel Castle) For their next challenge, teams must venture here to Arundel Castle, which has a history dating back almost 1,000 years.

(Back at Stonehenge Jacques and Josee find a taxi and head off. At the top of the monument MacArthur hauls both the slab and Sanders up to the top.)

MacArthur: I have the power! (Both she and Sanders run to the tour guide who gives them their next tip) And now we have the tip! (They run off to find a taxi. When they leave both the Sisters and the Siblings finish hauling their slabs up to the top. They then get their tips and leave the monument. It’s now down to just Anime Nerds and Animaniacs. Fabian struggles to pull the slab with just his right arm and his teeth but he manages to hold onto it. Sam finally arrives at the top and May joins him in hauling the slab to the top. They then go to the guide and get their tip)

Sam: Let’s book it.

May: Hold on. Look (Points to Fabian and Jordan. Fabian has finally gotten to the top and soon Jordan helps him pull the slab to the top. Though it takes great effort, they succeed. Fabian collapses to the ground.)

Jordan: Yes! (Runs over to the guide) Tip please? (Gives it to her and she runs back to Fabian) Okay now can we go and fix this arm?

Fabian: (out of breath) Yes! (Gets up)

Sam: Good god what happened to you man?

Fabian: (panting) Almost, dropped, slab, on Jordan, but, I, pulled through.

May: What are we going to do know?

Jordan: We are going to a hospital while you to head on over to the next part of the challenge.

Sam: You want us to move on ahead?

Jordan: Yes, don’t worry about us remember what we said on the flight to Morocco. When it comes down to it, it’ll just have to be every team for themselves. We’ll be fine.

May: If you say so. (Both teams head down to the parking lot and get taxis. Sam and May head off to Arundel while Jordan and Fabian drive off to a hospital.)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: (inside the taxi) I should’ve realized that sooner or later I’d be in a direct contest with my brother just to not get last place. But it’s the final 6, now’s when you pull out all the stops.

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: (inside the taxi) I can’t believe Fabian took a dislocated arm that nonchalantly  
\---> May: That’s nothing, when we were in kindergarten our moms took us to a playground and Fabian jumped from a swing and broke his ankle. He didn’t cry at all, in fact he was hobbling on that thing for a good 30 minutes until his mom noticed and took us to the hospital.  
\---> Sam: It took all 3 of you 30 minutes to notice something was wrong with him?  
\---> May: Well I was just a kid and our moms where too engrossed in reading books.

(At Arundel the Ice Dancers and Cadets are the first team to arrive. They look all around the front grounds until the cadets find the don box first)

MacArthur: (reads tip) Botch or watch. Storm the castle.

(Don is now seen behind the castle in the courtyard. There are 60 suits of armor arranged into 6 groups of 10 like bowling pins, 60 feet across from them are giant slingshots and aside them are mini cannonballs.)

Don: This castle has faced many invaders in its day but none quite like our competitors. In this botch or watch one teammate must launch these tiny cannonballs at those suits of armor using a slingshot. Once all 10 suits of armor are knocked down teams will search amongst the rubble for the tip that will lead them to today’s chillzone. (Is standing in front of the chill zone which is in front of the British Museum) Here at the British Museum. Last team to make it here will probably be saying “cheerio”.

MacArthur: Okay it says whomever isn’t holding the tip must do it. Good luck. (The cadets head to the courtyard, after they do that the Ice Dancers find the don box, get the tip and follow them. When they’re in the courtyard Sanders goes to a sling shot and starts loading cannons, she fires her first one but it misses wildly.) keep at it you’re in no rush. (At that moment Jacques arrives and also loads and fires his slingshot, knocking over one suit of armor.) Scratch that. Big time rush now!

(Elsewhere we see Jordan and Fabian’s taxi pull up to a hospital. They walk up to the front desk)

Receptionist: What’s the matter?

Fabian: I pulled my arm out of its socket hauling a stone slab up a hill. Can you put it back in?

Jordan: And do it fast please?

Receptionist: Take a seat. (They do as they’re told)

Jordan: Like waiting at the hospital isn’t long enough, it’ll feel like an eternity now.

(Back at Arundel Sanders and Jacques continue to load and fire the cannonballs. While Jacques manages to knock down a few helmets Sanders can’t hit anything, at that moment the 3 other teams arrive in the parking lot, they get out find the don box and it’s up to Annie, Kitty and Sam to do this botch or watch. All head into the courtyard, load a slingshot and then fire. Kitty and Sam knock down a helmet while Annie manages to knock down a suit of armor.)

Annie: Yes!

Leo: Use that luck!

Jacques: You’re going to need more than luck to defeat me.

Kitty: (Stretches a new cannonball back) It’s just like Bird Wars 2.

Emma: If it helps you succeed, it can be anything you want. (Kitty let’s go and this ball manages to hit a suit of armor) Nice going!

Sam: (launches a new cannonball which knocks down a suit of armor) It’s going down, I’m yelling timber!

(Sander launches another cannonball which finally knocks down a suit of armor. People keep on launching and firing and cannonballs go every which way)

(Meanwhile back at the hospital we see Fabian and Jordan step out. Fabian’s arm is back in its socket)

Fabian: Nice that my arm is back and working again.

Jordan: Yeah but we spent all our remaining money getting it fixed.

Fabian: And I thought healthcare was supposed to be cheaper in Europe.

Jordan: I doubt there’s a taxi that will drive us around for free and there’s no way we can run to Arundel quickly enough. It will take a miracle for our goose to not be cooked. (Suddenly both of them are stuck by a blinding light and an angelic choir. A female figure appears from the light. The light and choir stop and we see it was simply a gospel choir bus driving by. A woman with light brown hair stands before them in off white clothing) Hello?

Anjel: Hello I’m Anjel Williams. You wouldn’t happen to be Fabian and Jordan from The Ridonculous Race would you?

Jordan: Yes. Why do you ask?

Anjel: I’m asking because I’m such a big fan. Me and my son love you both.

Fabian: Really?

Anjel: Of course, my son’s autistic like you and it makes him so happy to see someone like him on tv doing something this big with his girlfriend.

Fabian: (Touched) Really?

Anjel: Really, why are you 2 here?

Jordan: We had a medical emergency, it’s good now but now we don’t have any money for taxi rides.

Anjel: Perhaps I could drive you. I don’t have work today and my son doesn’t get off school until 4.

Jordan/Fabian: Seriously?!

Anjel: Yes. (Both hug her and repeatedly say “thank you”) Very well, let’s go. (She leads them both to her car and they tell her to drive Arundel Castle, which she does.)

Jordan: Quick question, why where you even at that hospital?

Anjel: Oh I just had to pick up my anti-blood clotting medication.

(Back at Arundel both Jacques and Annie manage to knock down another suit of armor. Kitty, Sam and Sanders only knock off a helmet.)

Josee: (to Leo) I don’t know how your frail little sister expects to surpass Jacques here. He’s an athlete at the top of his game.

Leo: Annie has been killing it all season.

Josee: Oh really, what about that time on the Galapagos? She almost killed you both right then and there.

Leo: Minor bump in the road.

Josee: How do you know this won’t be another one? One you can’t drive over?

Leo: Cause I have confidence in her and she has confidence in sunshine and rain and confidence itself.

Josee: Claptrap.

(Annie grabs another ball but this time she kisses it for good luck, then she starts to pull it back, when she lets go this ball not only hits a suit of armor but causes domino effect that knocks down all the remaining suits of armor! Everyone Is stunned and shocked by what just happened.)

Leo: (cheers) Yeah! Let’s find that tip! (Both he and Annie search among the rubble of the armor)

Josee: (snaps out of the shock) Jacques, double time it!

Jacques: Ça y est, pas plus monsieur sympa patineur! (Picks back a new cannonball, pulls it back to point where the elastic could snap, then he lets go, and then cannonball hits the suits of armor so intensely it creates a small mushroom cloud. Bits of armor fly everywhere, one helmet even lands on MacArthur's head) Victory! (He and Josee then search their armor pile. Everyone else starts firing like crazy. Both the siblings and Ice Dancers get the tip and head back to the parking lot to find a taxi and head off to the British Museum. Shortly after they leave Jordan and Fabian finally arrive at Arundel. Search the grounds and find the next tip)

Jordan: (reads while holding the tip) Whomever isn’t holding the tip must perform this challenge. Oh.

Fabian: What’s the matter?

Jordan: You just got your arm put back in, the last thing you need to do is break it again.

Fabian: Jordan listen I understand your plight but remember, one of the reasons we entered this race was so I could really test myself.

Jordan: Yeah, test yourself not break yourself.

Fabian: I’m doing the challenge. 

Jordan: Why are you so adamant now?

Fabian: Why are you so dissenting now?

Jordan: Cause the last thing I want is for us to be ejected from the game due to injuries.

Fabian: Well I want to win because I want to show Anjel’s son you can actually do amazing things in life! You’re not just a waste of space who can’t start and keep meaningful friendships after high school, who does have a future with a person and a career and that you can come up with your own original ideas instead of some half assed pastiche!

Jordan: Are you proving this to Anjel’s son or to yourself?

Fabian: (can’t come up with an answer)

Jordan: Who are you really trying to impress here?

Fabian: Me! Okay me! I know that’s selfish but I want to actually prove to myself that I can do great things for once.

Jordan: And winning both a spelling bee and a geography bee in the same year isn’t enough?

Fabian: I won those both on default after the real last person standing failed and besides that was from middle school which is entirely OOC of me.

Jordan: And everything you’ve done on the race so far? Including our 3 challenge wins? Are those not great enough? What is great enough for you?

Fabian: It would be great if I won something because I tried my best and it all payed off for once! No matter how hard I try hardly anything really results in victory for me, or even 2nd or 3rd place. But neither you nor Sam nor May have that problem, you’ve all won something a reasonable amount of time but the most I have to my name is perfect attendance, which is the one award nobody cares about. But hearing how Anjel’s son considers me a role model, it was kind of nice to hear how children can look up to me. Nobody thinks of me as cool, not even me.

Jordan: Fabian do you know why I’m dating you?

Fabian: I overlook your criminal record?

Jordan: Besides that.

Fabian: You don’t snore or mind my acne?

Jordan: And that.

Fabian: We agreed to adopt since bringing a child into the world has too much of a carbon footprint? And we’ll be CEOs who go to a Protestant church in order to spite my family for forcing me to go forward with my Confirmation?

Jordan: And that.

Fabian: (finally gets it) We like so many of the same things?

Jordan: Yep, and even for everything one of us likes that the other doesn’t we tolerate it, like how I tolerate the fact that you STILL haven’t finished watching Avatar and Korra. I think you’re cool. I put up with your self-deprecating manor because I know you don’t want to be seen as egotistic or narcissistic. But you have to at some point develop your own back bone and stand up for yourself when the time is right. Being self-confident means knowing when to apply it and when to shut it off. If you really feel like you can do this then be my guest but don’t go chasing after rainbows cause they’re intangible. Get it?

Fabian: I get it, I should push myself but not to the edge if it’s not necessary. I really do feel like I can do this. No wait, I KNOW I can do this.

Jordan: Then let’s make it to the next leg. (They run to the courtyard where they can see all the other teams are down to their last knight) You better move fast that’s all I can say.

Fabian: On it. (Whistles like Mr Fox. Grabs a cannonball, pulls back and lets it go but it only goes like 3 feet) Okay I can totally do that better. (Grabs another ball, pulls back and launches it. This one actually goes past the suits of armor. He then gets ready to launch another ball. As he does this Kitty finally knocks down her last suit of armor.)

Emma: Nice job Kitt! (They search the armor rubble as Fabian knocks down the head of one knight.) Found it! (she and Kitty leave for the parking lot)

Sanders: (Takes aim with another ball, launches it and this time the armor falls)

MacArthur: Good job Sanders! (They search the rubble as Fabian knocks down his first suit of armor.)

Jordan: (Watches the cadets leave) This is okay. We’re doing fine.

(Both Sam and Fabian launch balls simultaneously and both knock down a suit of armor. Sam and May search their armor ruble pile until they get the tip and leave)

May: Good luck! (They run back to the parking lot)

Jordan: Still no need to panic.

Fabian: (thinking) Okay Fabian you’ve got to nail these next few shots so that way you and Jordan can stand a chance at surviving to tomorrow. Now, relax and just think about this like Mario Olympic sharpshooter game. (Imagines playing the game back home on his Zii game console. It was the one mini game he was the best at. He imagines peering through the lens of a sniper rifle as he stretches back the cannonball, then when he’s locked on target, he lets it go and knocks the entire suit of armor down.) Yes!

Jordan: Yes, that’s good, just keep at that!

Fabian: You got it dude! (Fabian just keeps on applying the same technique he did before and hits multiple suits of armor in a row)

Jordan: This is good, this is very good. (Fabian soon reduces his workload down to just one suit of armor)

Fabian: (Is preparing to launch what’s hopefully the last cannonball) Here’s the money shot! (Releases the ball but something happens, the ball gets stuck in the pocket and doesn’t go flying. When the rubber bands retract the ball slams right into Fabians face! We get a special close up view of the moment of impact and it’s like a boxing film, slow mo and everything. He falls to the ground like a sack of potatoes)

Jordan: (slow mo) NO!

(Commercial break)

(We return from commercial to find Fabian still lying on the ground with a blackened left eye. He appears unresponsive)

Jordan: (to the camera) What am I supposed to do? If I do the task for him we’ll be penalized and there’s nobody else here. (She buries her face in her hands and starts to softly cry)

(At the British Museum the Ice Dancer’s taxi arrives and they exit and race to the chill zone)

Don: (Notices Jacques and Josee) Excellent, you’re right on time to receive your 45-minute penalty. A big red 45:00 appears above their heads and starts to countdown)

Josee: What did we do wrong this time?

Don: (to the camera operator) Play the footage.

(At the Stonehenge challenge we see Josee sneakily approach Fabian from behind. She pulls back the collar of his tee and puts a beetle in his shirt. This causes him to squirm around, let go of the rope, the monolith to fall, he grabs at it, and dislocates his arm)

Don: (looks at them disgustedly)

Josee: In all fairness we didn’t think anyone cared about him enough to warrant a penalty for harming him. (Both move off to the side)

(Back at the castle we see Jordan still crying while Fabian just lays there like a sack of potatoes. We get a look inside Fabians mind, where we see the lone emotion of Joy trying to awaken him)

Joy: (pressing all sports of buttons) Come on! Come on! We can do this! We can get back up! (Joy morphs into Sadness)

Sadness: Oh forget it, we’re done. It’s just like when we lost that raffle to get Jordan that rare comic book. (Sadness morphs into Anger)

Anger: I can’t believe it! We lose and we’re in one of the cities we’ve been dreaming about going to forever! We deserve to be happy 100% of the time! (Smashes a bunch of buttons to no avail and then morphs into Fear)

Fear: Maybe we should just stay here, I mean we’ve already had to drag Jordan through Transylvania, endure the cold of the Artic, the bore of Las Vegas, the heat of Mexico and the perils of Greece. What if we have to go to New Mexico next?! (Morphs into Disgust)

Disgust: And let those prissy little ice dancers win? We may have lost A LOT of times before but at least we didn’t quit. I’m gonna get this loser up and working even if it kills us. (Presses the “internal alarm clock” button to no avail) Oh come on this always works. (Morphs into Joy)

Joy: Maybe we’re approaching this from the wrong angle. (Hears Jordan’s crying) Wait a minute that’s Jordan! We can’t let her down! (Morphs back into Fear)

Fear: Oh please if we don’t disappoint her now we’ll just do it later. (Morphs into Sadness)

Sadness: And then she’ll hold it against me when I try to propose to her. Oh who am I kidding we can’t marry her, we’re to poor. (Morphs into Anger)

Anger: You all think it’s bad now wait until the family sees this! They’ll never let me live it down! And the last thing we need to give those bozos is more material. Get up ya lazy lout! (Pulls levers to no avail and then morphs back into Joy)

Joy: Come on everyone. Think about everything Jordan has done for us. (Grabs the remote and replays some of Fabian’s best memories of Jordan. We can see him applying monster prosthetics to her face, the 2 of them working a pastoral painting together, the time she introduced him to Lana Del Rey, the time they where hired to play Hiccup and Astrid, the 2 of them walking through Golden Gate Park on his birthday, eating Ghirardelli on her/Sam’s birthday, running through a haunted house together, crying after watching Httyd 2, burning Teen Titans Go! merchandise, and above all that joyous day at the Vancouver Zoo) We can’t let her down like this. (Grabs the telephone) Hello memories? Send up the big one. (In the recesses of his mind 2 memory wipers send the memory in question to headquarters, it lands in Joy’s hands) Let’s do this thing! (Places the memory into main viewing port and lets it play. The memory plays and we see Fabian trying to climb up a climb wall, it’s not easy for him but he manages to make it up to the top) Music maestro. (Uses remote to play L’Arena by Ennio Morricone, it’s overlaid with the image of the one time he conquered a climbing wall and is repeated ad nauseum.)

(Back in the real world, something happens. Fabian starts to awaken and then he starts to get up. Sure, it takes great effort and he nearly falls back into unconsciousness several times but he gets back up onto his feet. He then stumbles forward to the cannons grabs one and hesitantly starts to pull back on the rope)

Jordan: (pulls her head up from crying and notices Fabian is getting back up) He’s up. (Inside her mind we see all 5 of her emotions staring in awe)

Joy: He did it! I told you he would!

Fear: What if he has severe brain damage like that poor girl on SVU who got shook to death by her mom?

Disgust: Leave the Law and Order stuff out of this. (We return back to reality)

Jordan: He’s up!

Fabian: (Grabs another cannonball, pulls it back and then lets go. The cannonball goes flying into the last suit or armor. He raises his hands in victory and collapses to the ground)

Jordan: He did it! (Runs over to the armor wreckage, she searches around and finds their next tip) Eureka!

Fabian: (dazed) Yay!

Jordan: Come on, let’s go to Anjel! (Runs over to him, gets him back on his feet and then helps him walk back to the parking lot)

(Back at the British Museum the Ice dancers wait to the side at the chill zone and then suddenly Leo and Annie arrive and step onto the carpet of completion)

Don: Siblings, it makes me very happy to say, you take 1st! And for coming in first you’ll be treated to a performance tonight at Shakespeare's Globe in addition to a year’s supply of the finest British tea. (They hug)

Leo: Grandpa would be so proud.

Annie: If only he can see us now.

Jacques: Well I’m sure that for once he’d like to see you actually put some effort into your life instead of just slacking around.

(Record needle scratch)

Annie: Slacking around? What do you think I’ve been doing this whole race?

Josee: You mean aside from riding on your brother’s coattails and being the lamest princess since Eilonwy? Not much but I’d be happy to explain to you all in crayons if you gave me the time.

Annie: You both just think that I entered this show just so I could slack my way across the planet? I have given it 110% since Don shouted "Go" back in Toronto. 

Josee: Oh please out of all of us you’ve had to put the least amount of effort into everything. You’re just born lucky and the world just hands things to you a silver platter but the rest of us, we have to work hard for the things we want. We don’t have a sugar granddaddy buying us everything.

Annie: Sugar granddaddy?! Okay hold up, let's get one thing straight. (Gets up in their faces) My grandfather is not a sugar daddy. Everything I've had in life, I've worked hard to get it and then some. So you need to know that 100%. I don't have a sugar daddy, I've never had a sugar daddy. If I wanted a sugar daddy, yes, I probably can go out and get one. You could never get a sugar daddy cause you are not that type of girl. Everything I've had I worked for like my grandma told me to. I deserved every grade I got in school. Was I valedictorian? No but I was certainly no idiot, in fact all my teachers loved me and I still see my English teacher once a month for coffee. I spent hours learning every dance step and song lyric to all my favorite movies and musicals, I regularly had to practice with a mannequin when Leo wasn’t around. I didn’t get to be in cheerleading, or yearbook, or drama, or dance, or the girl scouts for nothing either. I have built myself from the ground up and you have no right to insult me like that! (Jacques and Josee actually seem taken aback by her sudden anger. Even Don looks kind of wigged out by what just happened. Leo just applauds her slowly. She takes moment to breathe in.) I’m sorry. (Walks away from them and goes back to her brother.)

Don: (to the camera) I guess what they say is true, every rose does have its prickles.

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: I don’t know why I allowed that to escalate as far as it did. It just, really strikes a nerve with me. People don’t think that a woman like me can be anything but pretty. For someone to say that I just lay back and let someone else do all the heavy lifting, it’s just… infuriating.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: I’ll admit I’m impressed, I did not think she had that in her.

(Out in the English countryside we see Anjel’s car driving to London with Fabian and Jordan in the back seat)

Anjel: Are you sure you don’t want me to take you back to the hospital?

Fabian: (dazed) No, no I’m fine. We just have to… to... make it to the chill zone now.

Anjel: Well if you say so. (The car continues to drive down the road. In a nearby field a group of men are playing a game of cricket, the Wicket Keeper throws the ball and then tosses it at the striker who knocks it out of the field and into the front windshield Anjel’s car) Oh my goodness! (Stops the car. Then she picks up the ball) What in King George’s name? (At that moment they here a police siren coming in from behind. The officer steps out of the car and approaches her)

Officer: Miss you do realize you’re driving with a busted windshield?

Anjel: Yes officer but that’s not my fault. This cricket ball came in from nowhere and shattered my windshield.

Officer: That’s what they always say. (Writes her up a ticket) Good day. (Goes back to his ca and drives off)

Anjel: That’s it, I have to call my auto insurance and have them replace the windshield. (Dials on cellphone)

Jordan: How long will this take?

Anjel: I’m not sure. We’ll see.

(Back at the Museum)

Don: (Sam and May arrive at the chill zone next) Anime Nerds take 2nd. (They high 5 and then join up with Annie and Leo)

Sam: Guess where we’ve been? Hint: It’s mondo important.

Leo: Buckingham Palace? Abbey Road? Piccadilly Circus?

May: Nope, Harry Nilsson’s apartment. How could we pass up the opportunity to visit the place where both Mama Cass and Keith Moon bit the big one?

Don: (to the camera) Still not as disturbing as the Goths.

(Back with Jordan and Fabian)

Anjel: I’m on A3 near Putney Village. (incoherent cell phone chatter) Are sure that’s as quick as you can come? Okay.

Jordan: So?

Anjel: They're going to send someone but it may take up to 20 minutes for them to come and replace the window. And we’re still at least 30 minutes away from the museum.

Jordan: Fabian won’t be able to run in his condition, looks like we will just have to wait it out.

Anjel: I’m terribly sorry.

Jordan: We’re sorry you got a ticket because of us.

(Back at the museum the cadets arrive)

Don: Cadets, you take 3rd place. (The cadets join up with the Siblings and Anime Nerds)

Sanders: (to Sam) So what did the ice dancers get penalized for this time?

Sam: Hell if I know but according to Leo Annie gave them a massive chewing out for calling her a freeloader.

MacArthur: Really? Figures we miss out on all the fun. On the plus side I might finally bear witness to their elimination I just wish I could be the one directly responsible for it.

Josee: (internal monologue) We’ll see who eliminates whom.

(Out near Putney. Anjel, Jordan and Fabian wait for her auto insurance to come. After some impatient finger tapping it finally arrives. Anjel tells them what happened as one man vacuums out broken glass from the vehicle.)

(Back at the museum the sisters arrive, with a bag of fast food)

Don: Sister slide into 4th.

Emma: We would’ve been here sooner but Kitty insisted we stop for lunch.

Kitty: We’re in England, how could we not get fish and chips? And we brought enough for everyone! (Hands everyone their own meal of fish and chips, save for Jacques and Josee, though as they would claim” I would never spoil my body with the cancerous creation that is fried food”. She then looks around) Hey Sam where’s your sister and Fabian?

Sam: I don’t know, we left while Fabian still had like 8 suits of armor left to knock down.

Emma: I hope he’s quick.

May: Trust me, when push comes to shove Fabian can be very quick, he’s had to write many a paper with only 24 hours to go. I mean I always encouraged him to start earlier but he gets it done.

(Back near Putney, Anjel’s car has a new windshield. She signs a paper for her insurance and then the insurance company drives off. Then Anjel gets back in her car and hightails it to the museum. When she gets back into London she has to slow down s there are cops everywhere and she does not want another ticket. Time passes but eventually Angel’s car pulls up at the bottom of the steps and Jordan/Fabian step out of it)

Jordan: Come on! (She starts running up the steps with Fabian following her closely behind)

Sam: They’re coming!

Everyone else: Finally!

(Jacques and Josee hold each other close, actually fearing for their survival)

Don: (Looks at watch) Come on! Come on! Only a few more seconds!

(Jordan and Fabian run up the stairs as quickly as possible)

Fabian: (dazed) Just like day one huh? (Jordan runs ahead of him as they near the top)

May: (grips Sam) So Hitchcockian!

Jordan: (finally makes it to the top) Yes! (Turns back to Fabian) Hurry!

Fabian: (Dazed) Coming. (Places one foot at the top of the final step but something happens. He relapses and blacks out, he starts to fall back. Jacques and Josee smile while everyone gasps. Jordan tries to grab him but is too late and he falls, all the way down to the bottom of the steps like a ragdoll. Each time he hits the ground the cast winces and eventually he arrives at the bottom. To add insult to further injury several Great Danes run over him, while dragging their poor dog walker along.)

Kitty: Okay, that’s just over kill.

(Jordan runs down the steps to him but only takes a few steps before hearing the worst noise ever. A buzzer goes off signaling the end of the ice dancers penalty. They step happily onto the chill zone)

Don: (Prepares to speak) You know what? No. I’m not even gonna say anything. You both know exactly what type of people you really are. We all do.

Josee: You mean victorious?

Emma: I think he was going to say either venomous, vile or vindictive.

Jacques: Spoken like a true- (cut off)

Jordan: Oh stuff it up your Latvian %&$#! Both of you! (This shuts them up while she runs down the steps to check on her boyfriend) You okay?

Fabian: (Wakes up) Did we win?

Jordan: Come on. (Helps him to his feet and helps him walk up the steps and onto the chill zone)

Don: (sighs) Jordan and Fabian, in spite of your best efforts you are the last team here, meaning you are out the race.

Fabian: (dazed) Aw shucks.

Don: Anything you want to say to the remaining racers?

Jordan: (To Sam and May) Sam, May. Racing with you 2 has been the best. I wasn’t sure about forming an alliance at first but it proved to be the best course of action. I don’t know for sure if we could’ve made it this far without you but one thing’s for sure, it wouldn’t have been anywhere near as fun.

Sam: I’m just glad this race didn’t turn us against each other, if anything it really brought us all together.

May: We all showed the world what we can do and we aren’t done.

Fabian: (dazed) I think I’m gonna miss you most of all Scarecrow. (All 4 hug)

Sam: Now I know you’ve got a head injury, you’re actually hugging us.

Annie: I hope we all can hang out for real sometime soon.

Leo: Yeah, maybe we can watch that Movie Makeover thing Fabian was talking about.

Jordan: Emma, best of luck to you and Noah. Sanders and MacArthur good luck with police training, I’d feel much safer with you 2 on the streets.

Kitty: (Holds up cellphone in front of them) Hold on, elimination selfie! (Takes photo)

(9 people wave them off)

Don: (a lyre is strummed) And so our farce in England comes to a close. Will anyone get rid of these 2 wretched hoes? (Points to the ice dancers with his thumb) Find out next time in a whole new place, only on THE RIDONCLOUS RACE!

=== Best of Fabian and Jordan === (A slideshow is shown of Fabian and Jordan's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Jordan and Fabian voice-over as they play the slideshow. The Way It’s Always Been by Brandon Flowers plays)

Fabian: (dazed voice) I’m sorry I let you down.

Jordan: (voice) You did not let me down, not one bit. Frankly you surprised me a few times.

Fabian: (dazed voice) Well you still surprised me, which is weird cause you’re always awesome. What was your favorite part?

Jordan: (voice) Like you even need to ask, winning the Spanish leg.

Fabian: (dazed voice) I liked winning in the Galapagos. That’s probably the one good memory I’ll ever get out of Ecuador. I also really liked going to Tokyo and San Francisco.

Jordan: (voice) Don’t we already go to SF once a month?

Fabian: (dazed voice) Yeah but even still it was cool.

Jordan: (voice) If this race taught us anything, it’s that you don’t need to be the strongest, smartest, or quickest to be successful, you just need to be yourself.

Fabian: (dazed voice) And learn the graces of humility or you’ll become as intolerable as Jacques and Josee

Jordan: (voice) That too.

(We see them approach the entrance to the British Museum)

Fabian: (dazed) What are we doing here?

Jordan: We’re gonna see the British Museum. We’ve earned it.

Fabian: (dazed) I love you, I know I don’t say it enough but I do.

Jordan: I know you do. (They enter the museum)

(End of episode)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode brought to you by the BBC, it also wasn't easy to write. Jordan & Fabian were one of my favorite teams but them winning just wasn't in the cards, still they gave it their all and it's not like this race was all for naught. Favorite part of this episode: Fabian managing to push through his concussion long enough to finish the botch or watch, THAT'S true grit. 
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Leo & Annie (1st Place)  
> Sam & May (2nd Place)  
> Sanders & MacArthur (3rd Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (4th Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (5th Place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Jordan & Fabian (6th)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th)  
> Devin & Carrie (8th)  
> Tom & Jen (9th)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th)   
> Crimson & Ennui (12th)   
> June & Quince (13th)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th)  
> Owen & Noah (15th)  
> Dani & Syd (16th)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	33. Capital Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to Washington DC sees teams flying, dodging, speed reading and meeting up with old friends, but will one team be grounded to US soil?

Don: (voice) Previously on the Ridonculous Race. Our teams went to England where they had anything but a jolly holiday. Between the boat racing, stone hauling and castle storming our teams came out of it more beaten than a Shakespeare character. Annie and Leo did their grandfather proud and won the leg. While fate gave them the royal treatment poor Fabian got put through the ringer, and unfortunately his hardest just wasn’t hard enough and both he and Jordan left us. (Stands in front of the British Museum chill zone from last time) That was one tough dude. Will the Ice Dancers finally get eliminated today? Eh probably not, but the only way you can find out is if you stick around and watch The RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera causing a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don is standing in front of the next don box with all the teams behind him. Annie and Leo are first)

Don: It’s time to bid England a fond farewell. Siblings, if you would please do the honors.

Leo: (Presses button and reads tip) Find your next tip at the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool in Washington DC. (Both run off to the airport)

(Don stands in a slideshow of Washington DC. Battle Hymn of the Republic plays)

Don: (voice) Washington DC. Once a swamp, it’s now host to a far greater variety of slimy reptiles. It’s here that men and, to a lesser degree, women made America into the polarizing powerhouse it is today. Teams will all fly over on the same flight.

(The other 4 teams get their tips and follow Annie and Leo to Heathrow Airport. Where they all purchase tickets and get on a flight. It takes off)

Don: It’ll be nearly 7 hours before they land in America. Wonder what they’ll do until then?

(On the place we see Sam and May talk)

May: Figures Fabian gets eliminated right before we go to Washington DC. I’ll never forget the week we spent there for our graduation. It was really our last chance to be kids before we went off to college and it was my best birthday ever.

Sam: Then let’s win it for Fabian and Jordan. Glory, glory hallelujah.

(Josee stares at the cadets. She’s had enough, TODAY is the day they leave)

(The plane is seen landing at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport)

Don: (voice) The eagle has landed and teams are off to the reflecting pool.

(People run to the airport entrance to hail taxis. Each team gets one and they all take of to the Reflecting Pool. Everyone soon arrives at the National Mall and gets out of the taxis. They run all around passing the Washington Monument, Museum of American History, Museum of Natural History, National Gallery of Art and the Smithsonian Castle. The siblings are the first to arrive at the don box by the reflecting pool, this one is dressed like a union soldier)

Annie: (Reads the tip) Get ready to get your pilot license. 

Don: (is seen in front of the Air and Space museum) Home to such artifacts as the Spirit of St Louis, Friendship 7 and the Apollo 11 command module. The National Air and Space Museum is just one of the many important museums here in DC. (Is now inside of the museum) Teams must make their way to the museum and find this simulator. (Stands next the flying simulator) Teams must work together and successfully complete one flight mission, they can choose from the P-51 Mustang, F-18 Hornet, A-10 Thunderbolt II, F-16 Fighting Falcon, P-40 Warhawk, F-4 Phantom II and more. If they crash and burn and they’ll have to go all the way to the back of the line to wait their turn. (Stands next to a tour guide) But succeed and this museum employee will give them their next tip.

(Leo and Annie now run off to the NASM. After them are Sam and May and then Emma and Kitty. The cadets take a moment to realize they’re at the Capital Reflecting pool before running off to the other side of the mall. Jacques and Josee look around and see the don box is on the opposing side of the pool they are on. Rather than run around they just wade right through the pool, get the tip and then head off to the museum. Sanders and MacArthur get the tip last but high tail it to the Museum. Pretty soon everyone is there and starts to climb the steps)

MacArthur: Come on Sanders! (Both start climbing the steps)

Josee: (Gets an idea) Whoopsie Daisy! (She falls backward and knocks MacArthur down the steps. They both arrive at the bottom with MacArthur on top of her. Not like that!)

MacArthur: What’s the big damn deal?!

Josee: Well I guess even the best of us slip and fall. (MacArthur gets off her)

MacArthur: You’re lucky I’m so determined to trounce you otherwise I’d stay on you longer. (Proceeds to run up the steps again)

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: Are you okay? It’s very unlike you to fall down the stairs.   
\---> Josee: Don’t worry, it’s all apart of the plan. (Reveals that in the commotion she snatched MacArthur’s passport. Jacques cheers and claps)

(All the teams are inside the museum, most are awestruck by the many aircraft on display. They make their way to the aircraft simulator. The line goes Jacques/Josee, Sam/May, Emma/Kitty, Annie/Leo, MacArthur/Sanders)

Tour Guide: (opens the VR simulator) Please watch your heads and keep all hands and feet inside the simulator at all times. (Jacques and Josee enter and then she closes it)

VR Voice: Make your selection now please. (Josee selects the F-4 Phantom) Enjoy your flight. (The plane takes off over the jungles of Vietnam, suddenly it is intercepted by 2 enemy planes)

Jacques: Watch out! (steers them out of the way of incoming missiles) We need to take evasive maneuvers!

Josee: Nonsense, we need to destroy them! (Launches missiles which hit one plane but miss the other. Then another enemy plane appears) You’re not scaring me. (Flies around incoming missiles) Is that the best you’ve got? (Launches more missiles which only succeed in hitting innocent villages) Come back here you coward! (Flies after one plane but then the left wing gets stuck and the plane starts to fall. Jacques then presses the eject button and the simulation ends) No fair! I had that plane! (Simulator opens up)

Tour Guide: Please proceed to the back of the line. (Jacques and Josee do as they’re told. Sam and May step into the simulator next. The Tour Guide then closes the simulator doors)

VR Voice: Make your selection now please. (They select the Bell AH-1 Cobra) Enjoy your flight. (Their helicopter takes flight over Afghanistan and insurgents are shooting at it)

May: I’ll fly, you shoot. (May manages to successfully fly the helicopter to outmaneuver some air missiles while Sam shoots at the soldiers on the ground. At one point they encounter 2 more helicopters but Sam uses missiles to bring them down as May lands the helicopter on its landing pad)

VR Voice: Congratulations. (The Tour Guide opens the simulator and they exit, then she gives them their next tip)

Sam: (reads tip) Go to Manassas National Battlefield Park.

May: Come on! (They run out of the museum) That was better than Black Ops 2!

Sam: Definitely! 

Tour Guide: (Emma and Kitty step in) Please keep all hands and feet inside the simulator at all times. (Closes the top)

VR Voice: Make your selection now please. (They choose the F/A-18 Hornet) Enjoy your flight.

Emma: Can you fly this thing?

Kitty: Course I can, I played Battle Zone 3 remember? (Kitty steers the plane as it flies through a canyon. Suddenly they are being high tailed by 2 enemy planes. Kitty expertly dodges their incoming missiles and Emma fires 2 missiles which hit their targets, Kitty then flies her way across the desert, as more planes show up, she expertly dodges their missiles until they land successfully.) Woo hoo!

VR Voice: Congratulations.

Emma: Nice, I kind of wish we could do that again. (They exit the simulator, get their tip and then head off. Leo and Annie enter the simulator next)

Tour Guide: Please keep all hands and feet inside the simulator at all times.

VR Voice: Make your selection now please (They choose the P-51 Mustang) Enjoy your flight.

Leo: Let’s get cooking. (Flies the plane as Sing Sing Sing by Benny Goodman plays. Leo evades all enemy fire while Annie strikes down on the Japanese military base, eventually they fly out to sea while destroying more ships and planes and eventually make it back to their aircraft carrier)

VR Voice: Congratulations. (Leo and Annie exit the simulator, get their tip and leave for Manassas. MacArthur and Sanders enter the simulator next) Make your selection now please. (They choose a Bell 206) Enjoy your flight. (They’re tasked with keeping eye on a car chase in south LA. Sanders keeps an eye on the perps while MacArthur drives the copter, they follow the car on the highway, along the coast, residential neighborhoods, and eventually catch up with the suspects as they ditch the car and try to out run the police on foot, through an open field. At that point MacArthur launches a net and captures them both. The ground police then take them into custody) Congratulations.

Sanders: That was the pinnacle of team work. (She high fives MacArthur)

MacArthur: That’s because we’re the best team. (They exit the simulator and get the next tip) Don’t worry Ice Dancers, if you mess this up you won’t have to wait in line. (Laughs as her team exits the museum)

Josee: Well see who gets the last laugh. (The ice dancers step into the simulator again and this time they choose the P40 Warhawk)

VR Voice: Enjoy your flight.

(Elsewhere, Sam and May’s taxi pulls up to the Manassass Battlefield and they step out and find their next don box, this one is dressed like a confederate soldier)

May: (presses the don box and reads the tip) Either-or, Fire or Savior. 

Don: (a reenactment battle takes place behind him) For this either-or, teams must perform one of 2 duties done by civil war soldiers. (Is seen next to a reenactor who has a bunch of firearms next to him) In Fire, they must learn how to assemble and shoot an old-fashioned gun, once both team members hit 3 Confederate soldiers each with paintballs they will be given their next tip. If they fail they’ll have to assemble 2 new guns each time until they succeed. (Is now seen walking amongst the “dead” bodies of soldiers) In Savior, teams will have to come onto the battlefield and carry a “wounded” Union soldier back to the nursing tent. If they drop a soldier they cannot pick him back up. When they’ve rescued 5 soldiers the head nurse will give them their next tip.

Sam: Let’s do Savior. (They run onto the battlefield, get a stretcher and start looking for injured Union soldiers but all the ones they find are dead so they have to move up the field and find the battle still taking place, guns are firing) You don’t think they’re gonna shoot at us will they? (May shrugs “I don’t know”)

(Back at the NASM Jacques and Josee are flying their Warhawk much better than their last plane. They bomb several bases and shoot down several planes before landing at their air force base)

VR Voice: Congratulations.

Josee: Finally! (They exit the VR machine, grab their tip and exit the museum)

(Back at Manassass the other 3 teams arrive and read the next tip)

MacArthur: I saw we do fire, we’re police officers.

Sanders: You do realize we’d have to assemble guns from the civil war era, not modern guns.

MacArthur: Doesn’t matter what kind of gun it is, we can master it. Cause we’re awesome like that.

Sander: Very well. (They head off to Fire while the Sisters and Siblings head off to Savior)

(Meanwhile, inside the cab carrying the ice dancers)

Josee: Pardon me could you pull over for a moment? I need to get rid of something. (The cab driver does as he’s told) Thank you. (Steps out of the car and throws MacArthur’s passport near the Rock Creek Trails) Enjoy 5th place you degenerates! (Laughs maniacally, gets back in the taxi and it takes off to the battlefield)

(Back at Manassass we see Sanders and MacArthur stand before their need to be assembled guns)

Re-enactor: There is no time limit for assembling your guns but when you are both ready to fire you only have until one confederate soldier crosses the finish line to take down 3 each. Do I make myself clear?!

Sanders/MacArthur: Sir yes sir! (Salute)

Re-enactor: Good now begin!

(Sanders and MacArthur work in near perfect unison while assembling their guns, once the muzzles are on the forestock they start to fill it with gunpowder. The re-enactor gives the order for the soldiers to start running. As they start running the cadets start to fire but then learn how inaccurate guns from this era were, despite that they both manage to hit 2 confederate soldiers but then one crosses the finish line)

MacArthur: Darn it I almost had him!

Re-enactor: Start over! (Their guns are taken away and they are given new ones to assemble) Begin! (The cadets go at it again. We now resume our focus on those who chose Savior, nobody can find an “injured” soldier just dead ones, as they advance along the field Emma and Kitty find their first soldier)

Kitty: Yes! We got a live one! (They load him onto the stretcher and start to carry him back to the tent. However somewhere along the way Kitty places one of her feet in a groundhog’s burrow which causes her to trip and fall, dropping the solider)

Emma: What happened?

Kitty: (a groundhog pops up in front of her and laughs in her face) Looks like this battlefield has a varmint problem. (Gets up and can see groundhog holes everywhere) We gotta be careful. (They go back into the thick of the battle. We see the Anime Nerds and Siblings also still looking for an injured soldier and eventually both find one and start to head back to the tent.)

(Meanwhile in the parking lot Jacques Josee finally arrive and get the tip. They choose Savior as well, they grab a stretcher and start to run off into the battle as Sam/May and Leo/Annie deposit their first soldiers and then head back into the field. Jacques and Josee aren’t afraid to bob and weave through the gun shots as they find their first soldier, when they see Emma and Kitty heading back to the tent with a soldier, they get a creative idea. They search around and find 4 other injured soldiers and put them on the stretcher in addition to the one they already got. They then somehow manage to lift the stretcher and carry all 5 soldiers simultaneously to the tent.)

Josee: (strained) We’ve got this.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Creative thinking, something Jacques and I both excel at.

Jacques: (strained) There is no task we can’t overcome if we put a little muscle into it. (Leo/Annie and Sam/May pass them as they head back to find a soldier)

Sam: Okay that can’t be legal.

Annie: The tip never said you can’t carry all 5 soldiers to the tent at once.

May: Well who can?

Leo: Evidently them.

(Back at Fire, the cadets are firing their 5th set of guns but MacArthur hits a union soldier)

Re-enactor: Null and void! (The guns are taken away from them and they are now on their 6th set) Begin!

Sanders: (they start to reassemble) We’re actually doing better at this than I thought we would.

MacArthur: Yeah but I don’t see the point in owning these things. Can’t even hit the broad side of a barn door.

(Back at Savior, Emma and Kitty deposit their first soldier. Kitty snaps a selfie with him and he flashes the peace sign. As they turn and exit, they see the Ice Dancers approach with their 5 stack)

Kitty: You guys must be joking.

Josee: (strained) We don’t joke.

Emma: With the outfits you're wearing, you could’ve fooled me. (They head back into the battle)

(The Ice Dancers struggle to step forward the last few feet but muster the strength and gently deposit all 5 men to the ground. The head nurse, though somewhat unamused by their loophole abuse, gives them their next tip)

Josee: Dieu merci!

Jacques: (reads tip) Book it to the Library of Congress! (Both run off to the parking lot, get in a taxi and drive off)

(Somewhere out in DC we see MacArthur’s passport lying about near the Rock Creek Trails. Two people are seen walking by but we only see their legs. Suddenly they back up. They notice the passport and one of them picks it up, then they start running.)

(Back at Manassass, Sam and May are seen carrying another soldier but the sound of a shotgun blast causes them to drop him. Annie and Leo are also carrying another soldier but a copperhead slithers across Leo's shoe and causes him to drop the soldier, rather than play possum the soldier just hightails it to safety, as do they. Emma and Kitty tip toe carefully around the groundhog holes. At Fire, Sanders and MacArthur are on their 8th set of guns. The soldiers run and this time they focus hard and hit all 6 men they needed to!)

MacArthur: Yes! Finally! (the re-enactor gives them their next tip)

Sander: (reads tip) Go to the Library of Congress! (Both run to the parking lot)

MacArthur: (stops running) Wait a minute. (Inspects person and grows concerned) Sanders! I’ve lost my passport!

Sanders: (very concerned) What?! How?!

MacArthur: How do you think!? She must’ve stolen it from me when we fell down the museum steps.

Sanders: How are we going to get it back from her?

MacArthur: I doubt she even has it anymore.

Sanders: What makes you think that?

MacArthur: Because if I had her passport I’d throw it away somewhere she could never get to it. Or light it on fire if I was angry enough.

Sanders: What are we going to do?! You can’t leave the country without your passport! And I doubt the rest of this race will happen in the continental US!

MacArthur: We’ve got no choice, we’ve got to find it, by any means necessary! (Slams fist into palm of hand. Both of them quickly hail a taxi and it takes off to the nearest police station)

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: I’ll admit, I respect and admire the fact that she stole from me and got away with it. But I swear the next time I see her will F*%$ING mutilate her!

(Back at Savior the final 3 teams only need to bring in one last soldier each. It’s a feverish run back to the battlefield where they all find a soldier and start to carry him swiftly back to the tent, they’re all careful not to drop him, even as they have to out run a nest of yellow jackets. All of them make it to the nurse and deposit their last soldiers. She gives them all their tips)

Everyone: To the Library! (All find taxis in the parking lot and then take off)

Don: (Voice as we see a 5-way split screen of the teams going to the Library, save for the cadets) And so like many races for office before hand it’s fever heat. Though it appears one contender may be out entirely.

MacArthur: This isn’t good, I don’t do nervous! Hold me! (Squeezes Sanders like a teddy bear)

(Elsewhere, we see Sam and May arrive at the Library of Congress and walk into it, they find the next don box)

May: (Presses Don Box and reads tip) Random botch or watch, who’s well read?

Sam: Definitely you.

Don: (stands next to a blank book stand, next to it is a stand-in display. He speaks quietly because this is a library) In this botch or watch one team mate must peruse the library and find several books using only the clues provided by this stand-in. They must then organize the books by publication date. (A female librarian appears next to him) Once they get the order correct this librarian will give them their next tip.

Sam: (reads) Warning, no peaking at another competitors book stack.

(May approaches the stand-in to find her first book)

May: (reads the 1st clue) I’m beloved today but I floundered during my initial release, selling roughly 3,500 copies. (Runs off to the itinerary to see where the book could be) There you are. (Runs over to American Fiction and pulls a copy of Moby Dick off the shelves and opesn it u the find the publication date only to see that it's been blacked out by marker.) Figures. (runs back to her book shelf)

(Outside the library more taxis arrive and the other 3 teams run inside to the next don box. They decide that Emma, Leo and Josee will handle this botch or watch)

Emma: (reads the clue) Death of Mimus Polyglottos. Sounds like a scientific name. (Runs off to Zoology and finds a book on North American animals) Hopefully this is the right place to start. (Searches the glossary for Mimus Polyglottos and sees that it’s on page 156. When she turns to page 156 she sees entries detailing the scrub jay, cardinal, goldfinch and mockingbird) All that’s here are a bunch of songbirds. Wait a minute. (Ponders a moment before snapping her fingers and heads to American Fiction) Nice try Atticus. (Pulls To Kill A Mockingbird from the shelf)

Leo: (Reads) Originally entitled “something that happened”. Okay I know it’s a Steinbeck novel but which one? (Runs off to see where Steinbeck is located, he grabs Cannery Row off the shelf)

Josee: (Reads) “No civil war picture ever made a nickel” said by Irving Thalberg of Metro Goldwyn Meyer. (Runs to itinerary) Where’s the civil war section?

May: (Reads) Lucia Zarate only measured 24 inches long. (Runs off to Fiction and pulls Little Women from the shelf)

Leo: (Reads) Kind of weird how Leonardo DiCaprio’s clothes won an Oscar before he did. (Runs off to American Fiction and pulls The Great Gatsby from the shelf)

Emma: (Reads) The first book written by this fantasy author was a guide on how to breed & raise chickens. (Runs of to Fantasy Fiction) I’m off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. (Pulls the Wizard of Oz from the shelf)

May: (Reads) Remember me from “this sandwich has no mayonnaise”? I’m probably the only one who will. (Runs off to Young Adult Fiction and pulls Catcher in the Rye from the shelf)

Josee: (Reads) Dedicated to the 60,000,000 +. (Goes to a computer and searches for “Books that have sold more than 60 million copies”, based on the fact that she’s dealing with American literature she decides to choose Catcher in the Rye and heads to Young Adult Fiction)

Leo: (reads) In 1902 father built a house at the crest of the Broadview Avenue hill in New Rochelle, New York, and it seemed, for some years thereafter, that all the family's days would be warm and fair. (snaps fingers) And people called it Ragtime! (Runs off to Historical Fiction)

Emma: (Reads) Puce, mauve, orchid, lavender, heliotrope, Byzantium, iris, amethyst, eggplant, plum, grape. They’re all shades of purple. (Snaps fingers) Duh, The Color Purple! (Runs off to Historical Fiction and pulls The Color Purple from the shelves)

Josee: (reads) Notice: Persons trying to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted, persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished and persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. (Runs off to American Fiction) Where are you Mark? (Has to make a split decision between Huckleberry Finn or Tom Sawyer. She looks inside Huck Finn and reads the preface, which is exactly what was said on the clue) Yes! (runs off)

Emma: (reads) 233 degrees Celsius. There’s no book with that title, unless they want me to apply the Imperial System! (Runs off to Science Fiction and pulls Fahrenheit 451 from the shelves)

Leo: (reads) Depression sucks, road trip sucks, farming sucks. (Runs off) Back to Steinbeck. (Pulls the Grapes of Wrath off the shelf)

May: (Reads) “The terrifying motion picture from terrifying No.1 best seller”. (Runs off to Thriller Fiction and starts to hum the “Jaws” theme. She selects Jaws from the shelf)

Josee: (stares at an illustration of liver, fava beans and a nice chianti) Hannibal, please you sly dog. (Runs off to Thriller Fiction and pulls Silence of The Lambs from the shelf)

Emma: (Reads) Vintery, mintery, cutery, corn, Apple seed and apple thorn, Wire, briar, limber lock. Three geese in a flock, One flew East, One flew West, and _________. Okay what rhymes with west? Best, jest, test, nest. Wait a minute, cuckoo’s nest! (snaps fingers and runs off to Fiction and selects One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest from the shelf)

Josee: (reads) Fun fact: Carolyn Keene was never a real person. (Runs off to Young Adult Fiction) Probably doesn’t matter which book I choose. (Picks The Secret of Shadow Ranch from the shelf)

(Meanwhile we see MacArthur and Sanders arrive at the DC police precinct and speak to the officer at the front desk)

Sanders: Hello, listen we are in a very desperate situation right now, (points to MacArthur) her passport has been stolen and we need to find it as soon as possible!

Officer: (Gives them a piece of paper on a clipboard) Here’s the report to file for missing/stolen property. Fill it up and return it to me. (The cadets take a seat and fill out the paper. MacArthur writes down “You have my permission to use lethal force, even if the situation doesn’t require it”. They give it back to the officer) Please wait while we process this form.

MacArthur: How long will this take?

Officer: Hard to say. Sit and wait until we have any new leads. (MacArthur and Sanders sit down)

MacArthur: I’m so anxious! And I don’t do anxious!

Sanders: Just relax I’m sure our fellow officers will help us out.

MacArthur: We can’t really call them our fellow officers if we’re from 2 different countries.

(Back at the Library May has finished collecting and organizing the books. In case you’re wondering it goes Moby Dick, Little Women, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Wizard of Oz, The Great Gatsby, Nancy Drew, Gone with The Wind, Of Mice and Men, The Grapes of Wrath, The Catcher in the Rye, Fahrenheit 451, To Kill A Mockingbird, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Jaws, Ragtime, The Color Purple, Beloved, and The Silence of the Lambs)

May: I’m done!

Librarian: I’ll be the judge of that. (Walks over and looks her book order, she stares at her sternly and then gives the next tip) You’re quite smart young lady.

May: Yes! (Grabs the tip and runs over to Sam so they can read it together)

Sam: (reads it) Go to the president’s first home.

Don: (stands in front of the estate of Mount Vernon) Mount Vernon. It’s here America’s first President spent the autumn of his years. Last team to make it here may be eliminated.

(Sam and May exit the library and try to hail a cab)

Sam: The White House isn’t too far from here, right? Maybe we could run for it?

May: The White House? (Remembers something. She remembers watching a History Channel special, you know back when it was still somewhat about history, about the early presidents. She knows for a fact that at the time of American Revolution, American government was focused in Philadelphia, not DC.) It’s not the White House.

Sam: What?

May: The tip said to go to the presidents first home and while the White House is where the current president lives, the very first president was George Washington. He didn’t even step foot in the White House because it hadn’t even been built yet. It was built between 1792 and 1800 but burnt down along with the rest of DC in 1814 and the remains were buried in a field somewhere in Virginia while James K Polk moved into the new one in 1817.

Sam: Meaning?

May: I know where to go. (They finally get a taxi and enter it) To Mount Vernon please. (Taxi driver takes off)

(Inside the Library Josee is being inspected, however she’s mixed up the order of Beloved, The Color Purple, Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men.)

Librarian: Incorrect.

Josee: Well what’s wrong?

Librarian: I can’t say, you’ll just have to figure it out for yourself.

Josee: You’ve made a very powerful enemy.

Librarian: I live in DC, get in line.

(Leo is seen searching around for the 60,000,000+ book and in doing so grabs a copy of Huck Finn, he notices a piece of paper sticking out of it. He takes it off the shelves and looks inside and is amazed by what he finds. He tucks the piece of paper into his pocket and then goes to find Emma. He finds her near Existentialism.)

Leo: (quietly) Emma!

Emma: (Walks over) what?

Leo: (quietly) Shh. Be quiet.

Emma: (quiet) Why?

Leo: (quiet) Look what I found. (Pulls out the piece of paper and shows it to her. On it is all the correct books, in the correct order) Cheat sheet.

Emma: (quiet) But who would- (Notices May’s signature in the lower left-hand corner) Of course.

Leo: (quiet) She hid it in a book Josee already has. 

Emma: (quiet) Ingenious, with this we can get a leg up on Josee. (They work together to amass the remaining books while avoiding Josee. Once they’ve got everything, they take them back to their stations and reorganize them correctly. They call the librarian over who checks them and gives them both their next tip. They high 5 and exit along with Annie and Kitty)

Jacques: How did they figure that out simultaneously? I suspect foul play.

Josee: (Comes back and sees that she’s the only one left) Oh come on! What does a person have to do win a leg on this stupid show?! (Looks of to her side and sees one girl with a t-shirt that displays a figure skater, carrying a bunch of books. She gets an idea)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: The tip said Jacques couldn’t help me. But it never said I couldn’t get someone else’s help.

Josee: (approaches the girl) Hey there.

Girl: Hello? Oh my god it’s silver medalist figure skater Josee Benet! Wait a minute aren’t you supposed to be on the Ridonculous Race right now?

Josee: Yes and I’m currently in the middle of a challenge that I’m finding rather difficult to accomplish but I think someone like you can help me out big time?

Girl: Isn’t that illegal?

Josee: The tip only said I can’t ask for help from my partner, it never said anything about getting help from a civilian. Especially one as pretty and charming as you.

Girl: Really? You think I’m pretty?

Josee: Very much so, do you think you could help me? Do it and I just might be able to get you tickets to the next winter Olympiad.

Girl: Sold! (Hugs her)

Josee: Does not mean allowed to touch. (Leads her to the challenge) Can you help me identify these books and their publication dates?

Girl: Course I can. (Looks at clues and then looks at the books) Here’s your problem you’ve mixed up Beloved, The Color Purple, Of Mice & Men and Grapes of Wrath not to mention you’ve completely forgotten about Moby Dick. (Prepares to rearrange them but Josee stops her)

Josee: No, no let me actually organize them you can guide me and then I’ll get that last book.

Girl: Okay by me.

(At Mount Vernon Sam and May’s taxi pulls up and they run out of it and onto the chill zone)

Don: Sam and May, it makes me very happy to say this, you are in 1st! (Both cheer and hug each other) And for coming in first you both win an exclusive Smithsonian tour of the area for 4. And I don’t have to be a rocket scientist to imagine who you’ll take with you.

(Confessional)  
\---> May: Fabian will be so happy to know he’s going on a Smithsonian tour   
\---> Sam: Can we visit the place Lincoln died when we come?   
\---> May: Of course.

(Back at the Library Josee has followed the girl’s instructions perfectly and called the librarian over. She overlooks the books closely before giving Josee her tip)

Josee: Finally! Jacques come on let’s move.

Girl: (Stops her from going anywhere) Wait! Here’s my contact info. You can find me on MySpace, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Deviantart, Fanfic.net, ArchiveofOurOwn, Pinterest, Snapchat and Instagram. (Writes it all down for Josee on small piece of paper in addition to her phone number and email and give sit to her) So you can give me the tickets.

Josee: Oh right of course, I’d hate to forget that. (She and Jacques exit the Library)

Girl: Bye! (Waves them off)

Josee: (Inside their taxi) Do you mind stopping for a second? I need to get rid of something. (Flash cut. We see Josee at the Eternal Flame of JFK. She tosses the girl’s contact info into the flame and then departs)

(Back at the precinct MacArthur and Sanders continue to wait. Both grow worried and impatient. Suddenly the officer at the front desk approaches them)

Sanders: Do you have a lead?

Officer: I’ve got one better. (Gives them MacArthur’s passport)

MacArthur: My passport! (Grabs it and kisses it)

Sanders: How did you find it?

Officer: I didn’t, they did. (2 people walk up to them. They’re the Gym Rats themselves, Gabriella and Nekota)

Sanders: Gabriella! Nekota!

Gabriella: Nice to see you two again.

MacArthur: How did you find my passport?

Nekota: We were out running by the Rock Creek Trails when we noticed your passport on the ground. We figured you wouldn’t be so irresponsible, or rather that irresponsible, so we set out to find you.

Gabriella: (Holds up phone) We posted a photo of the passport to Twitter with the message “Have you seen this lady in town? If so, she needs her passport” #RidonculousRace #SeriouslyImportant #Urgent. After that we just followed the tweets to this location.

Sanders: That’s ingenious, and incredibly lucky that you just happened to be running through there today.

Gabriella: Oh we always go running through the Rock Creek Trails on Sunday, the real coincidence is that the show happened to be filming here today.

MacArthur: Either way we owe you big time.

Nekota: How did you even manage to lose your passport?

MacArthur: I didn’t lose it, Josee pilfered it from me at the Air and Space Museum.

Nekota: That figures.

Gabriella: Where are the ice dancers now?

Sanders: At our next designated location, the Library of Congress. I don’t know how far along they are on the challenge there but they’ve gained a massive lead by forcing us to hunt down the passport.

Gabriella: Tell you what, since I want to see both of them lose, what do you say we drive you around for the rest of the day, free of charge?

MacArthur: I’d say thank you. (Kisses her feet)

Nekota: Course if you beat them out this leg and eventually win the million, we’d be happy to accept some alimony.

Sanders: We promise we’ll totally make this up to you if we’re still around after today.

Gabriella: Then let’s move people. (Everyone runs outside and gets into Gabriella’s car. She then drives off to the Library of Congress)

(Confessional)   
\---> MacArthur: Okay I admit it.  
\---> Sanders: Admit what?  
\---> MacArthur: That you where right in agreeing to an alliance with them, and that not everyone is out to get us and some people can be trusted to fulfill a favor.  
\---> Sanders: (tries not to act smug) I know.

(At Mount Vernon, Jacques and Josee arrive.)

Don: Ice Dancers, silver medal.

Josee: 2nd place!? But we actually played fair this time!

Don: Yeah, it’s funny how these things work out. Like your 35-minute penalty for tampering with another contestant’s passport. (A big red 35:00 appears above their heads and starts to count down as they unhappily wait off to the side)

Sam: One would think they’d learn by now.

May: One would also think that parents who consciously don’t vaccinate their children would lose custody of them, but no. 

(At the Library of Congress Gabriella arrives and Sanders and MacArthur exit the car)

Sanders: Just stay here until we come out!

Gabriella: Okay.

(The Cadets run into the building and get the tip. They decide that Sanders will do this challenge. Sanders quickly reads the clues and then starts grabbing books from the shelves)

(At Mount Vernon Leo and Annie arrive)

Don: And the siblings take 2nd! (They cheer)

Annie: Thank goodness we’re still here. It would’ve been pretty embarrassing as Americans to lose here.

Josee: Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll find another way of embarrassing your country next time.

Leo: As opposed to you who embarrasses her country with every episode.

(At the Library Sanders struggles to find 3 books. She can’t get the hints about Catcher in the Rye, Beloved or Of Mice and Men, among other things)

(At Mount Vernon Emma and Kitty arrive)

Don: Sisters take 3rd!

Emma: (Points to the ice dancers) How much longer until their penalty ends?

Don: (Looks at watch) Approximately 11 minutes.

Kitty: (To Emma as they walk off) Do you know where the Cadets are? I didn’t see them at any point after we left the battlefield.

Emma: Nope but something tells me the Ice Dancers did something to them.

Kitty: I hope they can make it.

Emma: If anyone can finally beat those 2 its them. And if not, then it will just have to be one of us.

(At the Library Sanders is searching around for her last few books. She grabs a copy of Grapes of Wrath and in it is another cheat sheet! With it she quickly finds the remaining books and puts them in order. The librarian comes over and gives her the next tip. She and MacArthur high 5 and exit the library and head back out to Gabriella’s car.)

Nekota: What do we do next?

MacArthur: (She and Sanders buckle in the back seats) You need to take us to the presidents first home!

Gabriella: Mount Vernon here come! (Drives off)

MacArthur: Warp speed!

(Flash cut. The Cadets and the Gym Rats are seen caught in the middle of some horrendous traffic)

Nekota: Sorry guys but traffic at this time of day is murder. Nothing we can really do about it.

Sanders: Maybe you can’t but we probably can. (Flashes badge) I’m sorry but I have to appropriate this vehicle.

Gabriella: If it means you beat the Ice Dancers go for it. (The cadets climb up to the front while the gym rats climb into the back.) Do keep in mind that I’ve had this car since I was 18 and I wanna keep for at least 3 more years.

Nekota: What are you planning on doing?

Sanders: This. (Rolls down the windows and imitates a police siren, MacArthur then places fake flashing police lights on top of the car. People give them the right of way and they start moving)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sanders: I taught myself how to imitate a police siren but I never thought it would actually come in handy   
\---> MacArthur: My partner everyone. (Brings her in close)

(The cadets drive Gabriella’s car quickly along the road. Gabriella gives them directions to Mount Vernon. At the chill zone the Ice Dancers still have a few minutes left on their penalty. The car zooms across George Washington Memorial Parkway, goes over Little Hunting Creek and then moves along the Mount Vernon trail, the estate is within their sights but rather than park MacArthur drives right across the Bowling Green. She and Sanders then hop out of the car and onto the chill zone.)

MacArthur/Sanders: Well?!

Don: Cadets. (They tense up) The Ice Dancers penalty, (They tense up more) ended 2 minutes ago. Meaning they take 4th while you take 5th. I’m sorry but this time there is no non-elimination round. (They frown)

Leo: Tough break guys, I really wanted to face you 2 in the finale.

Sam: You guys where my favorite cops on tv, aside from the guys on Criminal Minds.

Sanders: Thanks for your sympathy everyone. We really appreciate it. We hope one of you wins it all, you all deserve it.

MacArthur: And seeing as how we’re no longer under threat of expulsion I can finally do this! (Kicks both of the Ice Dancers in the crotch) You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that! (They fall to the ground) By the way your little plan didn’t work. (Holds up her passport)

Josee: (on ground in pain) But how did you find it?

Sanders: Let’s just say we had some help from some friends. (Gabriella and Nekota step out of the car)

Annie: Gabriella, Nekota! (She and Kitty hug them) I almost forgot, we’re in your hometown.

Nekota: Her hometown actually.

Gabriella: Yes and when we returned we found out a few things about what happened on this race.

Kitty: Like what?

Gabriella: First off, the Ice dancers DID sabotage both ours and the cadet’s yacht in San Francisco, turned Chet and Lorenzo against each other in Spain, tried to do the same to the surfers and Father/Son at the North Pole, stole Loki in Mexico, set MacArthur on the white rabbit chase in Australia and get this Annie and Leo. Remember how it came down to you and the Julliard students in the Galapagos?

Annie: Yeah, that was a really off day for me. I don’t know why the animals didn’t come flocking to me like they normally do.

Nekota: We can tell you why. Josee switched your shampoo from the night before so you smelled like garlic and onions.

Leo: (Picks up Jacques) You sabotaged us?!

Jacques: Oui. Your little ballerina wasn’t our intended target but we happily accept her failure as our success. (Leo drops him like a sack of potatoes)

May: Okay I figured you 2 had gone off the deep end but I didn’t know it was this deep!

Sam: Yeah, you’re so low Rock Bottom is above you.

Annie: You do realize you’ve destroyed what little sympathy I had left for you.

Josee: Like that matters to me.

Emma: (to the other 2 teams) It’s official. We have to work together to make sure they come in 4th next time.

Sam/Leo/Kitty/Annie/May: Agreed.

Jacques: You can try all you want but like a Phoenix we will just arise from the ashes. 

Kitty: Tell it to something that cares.

Don: (coughs) If you all don’t mind, I need to end the episode now.

Everyone: Oh right. (The cadets and gym rats get back into Gabriella’s car and drive off while the remaining teams head off to their place of residence for the night)

Don: After that major drama bomb has been detonated what will happen next? I don’t know but something tells me it will be good, like House of Cards good. Watch what unfolds, next time on THE RIDOCNULOUS RACE!

=== Best of MacArthur and Sanders === (The screen shows a video montage of MacArthur and Sanders' best moments from the Ridonculous Race. MacArthur and Sanders voice over.)

Sanders: (voice) Well, when you consider the fact that we started with 25 teams, 5th place isn't all that bad.

MacArthur: (voice) And winning 5 legs isn’t chump change either.

Sanders: (voice) We did our best and we learned a lot together as a team.

MacArthur: (voice) I entered this competition thinking I was the hero and you where the sidekick but actually it was the other way around.

Sanders: (voice) I’m really glad I learned to stand up for myself and you learned when to back down.

MacArthur: (voice) I’m really glad I was able to kick both the ice dancers in the family jewels. That alone was worth a million and one dollars.

Sanders: (voice) After all this, I really do believe we are a good team.

MacArthur: (voice) We’re not a good team, we’re a great team, like Batman and Superman. I’m Superman though because he can fly and I’ve always wanted to do that.

Sanders: (voice) Kind of ironic that us, police officers in training, lost in a city where laws are made and fortified.

MacArthur: (voice) Actually it's not all that ironic when you consider how much corruption occurs here. 

Sanders: (voice) By the way did you really mean all that stuff you confessed back in Indonesia?

MacArthur: (voice) Nah, I just made that up so I looked cool before I bit the big one on international television.

Sanders: (laughs) Of course you did.

(Gabriella drives the cadets to the airport)

MacArthur: Hey before we leave, do you know of any good restaurants around here that serve chili?

Nekota: As a matter of fact, yes, we do.

Gabriella: It also has great paleo options. What do you say we treat you?

Sanders: After all you did for us today, we’ll treat you.

Gabriella: All righty then. (Makes a left before the airport and drives off into the city)

(END OF EPISODE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to the land of social misfits, political radicals and religious dissidents. MAJOR twist happening here. It was tough to eliminate the cadets but at least now everyone knows the truth as to the extent of the Ice Dancer's debauchery, from here on out anything goes. I visited DC all the way back in 8th grade and loved it, I just wish I can go back soon, at least Sam and May will. fun Fact: I was going to write a scene were a few teams went to the White House first instead of Mt Vernon but then I realized nobody at this point in the game would make such a foolish mistake. Favorite part: Gabriella and Nekota almost saving the day.
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Sam & May (1st Place)  
> Leo & Annie (2nd Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (3rd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (4th Place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Sanders & MacArthur (5th)  
> Jordan & Fabian (6th)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th)  
> Devin & Carrie (8th)  
> Tom & Jen (9th)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th)   
> Crimson & Ennui (12th)   
> June & Quince (13th)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th)  
> Owen & Noah (15th)  
> Dani & Syd (16th)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	34. Last Tango in Buenos Aires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final 4 head to Argentina, where a high stakes tango competition awaits. Who will sashay away today?

Don: (voice) Previously on the Ridonculous Race, our teams went to Washington DC where they flew with the eagles, showed grace under fire and speed read like nobody’s business. Sam and May wound up being the victors while the Ice Dancers unsurprisingly resulted to underhanded tactics to gain an upper hand when they stole MacArthur’s passport. Luckily the cadets had the help of Gabriella and Nekota, but unfortunately, they just weren’t fast enough to stay in the game. (Stands in front of Mount Vernon) Hard to believe our cast is now down to single digits. Even I can’t believe it. Who will make it to the final 3? Find out today on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera with a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don stands next to the don box by Mount Vernon. Sam and May are next to him)

Don: Welcome back to Mount Vernon. Sam and May are about to kick off another leg by getting the first tip. (Both walk up to the don box and press the button)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: Today's goal is clear, don’t focus on winning so much as focus on eliminating the ice dancers.  
\---> May: Even if it takes all 6 of us, we will bring them down.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: We know we have a massive target on our back now but we’re not worried.  
\---> Jacques: We’ve already eliminated our strongest competitors so that leaves us to be the team to beat.

(Sam presses the button on the don box and gets the next tip)

Sam: Fly to Buenos Aries.

Don: (stands in a slideshow show of Argentina) Welcome to the capital of Argentina. Buenos Aries is a world class city known for its love of futbol, theater and delicious red meat. (Is seen exiting an Argentine airport while eating lamb kabobs) Once teams land here they'll have to find the don box at the airport with their next tip. (Arrives at the don box and stops to eat) Delicious.

(Back in DC every other team gets a tip and then departs to the airport. Soon they all book passage on the 13-hour flight. The plane soon takes off. We can see Leo and Annie sitting together. Annie looks conflicted)

Leo: Something the matter Annie?

Annie: I know we said we’d help take down the Ice Dancers but I’m worried we’d be stooping down to their level if we result to sabotage.

Leo: Annie trust me the level we could sink to is miles above the level they are continuing to sink to.

Annie: Well I just want to win this game the honest way.

Leo: The moment those to started to sabotage their way to the top was the moment this game no longer became about honesty. We need to be pragmatic and right now that means making sure they lose this leg. Would you rather they win and basically shove the middle finger in the face of everything we were taught?

Annie: Of course not.

Leo: Then for the sanctity of the game we need to get them eliminated, consider it as much of a necessary evil as it was to bag those rabbits in Australia.

Annie: Okay that, I can get behind.

(The flight arrives in Argentina and all the teams depart. Emma and Kitty reach the don box first)

Kitty: (Presses the button and gets a tip) All-in. Tango takedown.

Don: (Walks to the National Academy of Tango) For this all-in challenge teams must head to the National Academy of Tango to learn and then perform this passionate Argentine dance. (We watch a man and a woman perform the dance) One misstep means starting over, but get a thumbs up from this local tango instructor and it’s another cab ride to this ranch. (Is now seen by a Don Box somewhere in the Argentine countryside, this one’s dressed up like a vaquero) Where their next tip is located. I normally don’t like it when they dress the Don Box up but this one I love.

(Back at the airport the teams get into taxis and all of them drive off to the tango Academy)

(In the Ice Dancers’ taxi)

Josee: A tango challenge?

Jacques: Looks like the gods of victory actually do want us to win. 

(Inside Sam and Mays taxi)

Sam: Tango dancing in Buenos Aires, sounds like something Leo dreams about.

May: If any of us can get the lead on Jacques and Josee it’s Leo and Annie.

(All the taxis arrive at the Tango Academy, exit the vehicles and enter the building. They see a tango demonstration unfold before their eyes)

Leo: The Tango, a dance of long-lasting passionate romance and one of my favorite films. (Remembers the first time he watched Last Tango in Paris and how heartbroken he was when the relationship of Paul and Jeanne went downhill. He cries a little but then sucks it up)

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: This should be easy for us, we danced all the time when we were kids.  
\---> Kitty: We also did it to help Emma get ready for prom but it kind of wound being all for naught when no guys asked her.  
\---> Emma: Don’t just tell the audience my whole life story!

(We see Emma and Kitty get ready to dance)

Emma: Okay, here we go.

Kitty: One, two, three. (Steps on her sisters’ foot, which earns them a thumbs down)

(We now see Jacques takes Josee in his hands. They effortlessly do the dance, complete with the twirl and the dip, all while flashing their smiles to the camera. The dance instructor unsurprisingly gives them the tip. All the other teams exclaim in annoyance)

Josee: (they leave the dance academy) Good luck catching up!

(Sam and May get ready to dance next)

Sam: We mosh pit a lot so we need to bring some serious finesse to this dance, comprende?

May: Entiendo completamente.

(They start to dance however part way through Sam once again makes it seem like he dislocated his arm, causing the dance instructor to head to the nearest trashcan to vomit)

Sam: Okay even I admit that was stupid. (They earn a thumbs down)

Annie: Our turn! (She and Leo get ready to dance) Ready for this?

Leo: I’m always ready to dance. (They begin to dance and things are going pretty well however part way through Leo has a weird vision. He and June are dancing on the terrace seen in “Top Hat” complete with the clothes Fred and Ginger were wearing. He’s so startled by this he lets go of Annie as she spins, earning them a thumbs down)

Emma: I thought for certain they had that.

May: Me too.

Leo: (Helps his sister back up) Sorry!

Annie: Leo is something the matter?

Leo: No, no everything’s fine. Let’s just, get back in line.

(Emma and Kitty go at it again, only to fall down. Sam and May go at it again, only for Sam to throw her into the instructor. Leo and Annie try it again and while this performance starts out good Leo suddenly imagines himself and June in “Carefree” where Fred and Ginger dance on the tops of tables. This causes him to accidentally to trip Annie.)

Annie: Are you sure there isn’t anything wrong?

Leo: No, no it’s fine. I’m fine.

Sam: Dude if you’re trying to mess up to make us feel better don’t, we’d much rather prefer you and Annie succeed and catch up to the ice dancers while we continue to dance.

(Emma and Kitty go at it again)

Kitty: One, two, three. (Spins Emma and then catches and dips her) Dip! (The dance instructor gives them the thumbs up) Yes! Want me to dip her again?

Emma: Later! (Grabs her, the tip and then leaves the studio)

(The ice dancers taxi arrives at the next don box out in the countryside. Both step out)

Jacques: (Presses button and gets tip) It’s a botch or watch. Ride ‘em vaquero.

(Don walks up to a horse on the ranch)

Don: In this botch or watch, whomever did not play ring toss at the Arctic Circle must ride a horse and use a traditional weapon called a boleadora (Holds one up) to tie their team’s designated rhea. (We see 4 rhea run by, each with a photo of a remaining team on it) Once the rhea is wrapped up, the must bring it by taxi to the chill zone, located here. (Is seen on top of a mountain) Atop Mount Aconcagua in the Andes. And as always, the last team here may be heading home. (We take a look back at the academy where Leo and Annie are at it once again) I wonder how Annie and Leo will do this time?

(Annie and Leo are once again at it. They are about to make it to the twirl when Leo imagines himself and June in “Dirty Dancing” specifically at the iconic part where Johnny is about to lift Baby during “I’ve Had the Time of My Life”, this causes him to actually lift Annie up over himself and then go crashing to the floor, earning them a thumbs down.)

Sam: I think the stress of the competition is finally getting to Leo.

May: It’s getting to him now?

Annie: (Gets up) Okay Leo that’s it. Tell me what’s going on right now!

Leo: Fine! I think I’m having guilt flashbacks!

Annie: Guilt flashbacks?

Leo: I keep on imagining June being right here beside me. If she and Quince where here right now they’d have aced this challenge in one go!

Annie: You miss them?

Leo: Yeah, it just infuriates me that they didn’t get to stay in the competition longer. They were a great team. We both played fair but they got the axe and it’s all Jacques and Josee’s fault. And I guess I resent being here cause we where the original targets and we just brought them down for the Ice Dancers.

Annie: I don’t like the fact that we were unwitting pawns in their underhanded plot to cheat their way to the top either but it’s like you said, if we let them win it sticks a middle finger right up the nose of any integrity this show has left and like grandpa always told us “never submit defeat, just accept and learn from loss”. Regardless as to whether or not we win let’s at least make sure they don’t win either. Now get out there and dance like it’s the last dance of your life! For June and Quince!

Leo: (Takes her hand) For June and Quince.

Dance Instructor: Might I remind you that you must wait until the next team either fails or succeeds before you can try again? 

Leo: Oh yeah.

(Sam and May go at it again)

May: We know the moves and yet we keep on failing.

Sam: Maybe we should stop trying to imitate what the instructor taught us and instead do what we do best.

May: That just might work.

(Pure Feeling by Florence and the Machine plays. Sam and May clap along to the opening notes and then start to dance along to the song. They twirl around, swivel their hips, do some fancy footwork and Sam even successfully flips May over him. This all accumulates in both the spin and the dip, followed by a form of air planking as they kiss. Pure Feeling then stops as the instructor turns off a radio)

Dance Instructor: Who left this on? Anyways you two are successful. (Gives them their tip)

Sam: Good luck guys. (They exit the dance studio)

(At the second part of the challenge we see the Rhea meant for the sisters grazing. Jacques then quietly approaches it and douses a generous amount of vegetable oil on both it and his clothes. It then runs away)

Jacques: Oops, I accidentally got vegetable oil all over the sisters Rhea I hope that doesn’t make the challenge any harder for them. (Walks away but slips and falls on the oil)

(Back at the dance academy Leo and Annie are getting ready to go for it one more time)

Leo: (thinking) Don’t worry about June, your place in the competition is the only one that matters now, do it for Astaire!

Dance Instructor: Y comienza!

(The music starts and Annie and Leo start dancing effortlessly again. They make it to the spin and Annie spins around Leo several times before he grabs her and dips her properly, he then leans back, which allows Annie to properly dip him. They finally get the thumbs up. Annie lets Leo go and he does a backflip to get the tip)

Annie: Come on, we’ve got alot time to make up. (They grab the tip and then run out of the dance academy and off to the next don box)

(We take a gander inside Sam and May’s taxi)

Sam: (is eating a steak) It’s official, I love Argentina.

May: Where did you even get that?

Sam: Same place you would typically get a lamb kabob. Wish they had these types of karts in the Bay Area. Want some?

May: No. (Ponders for a moment) Wait yes. (Takes a bite out of the steak)

(Out in the country Emma and Kitty arrive next)

Emma: (Reads the tip) Botch or watch and you’re up.

Kitty: (Grabs a horse) Got our horse, now where’s our Rhea? (Both spot their oily Rhea)

Emma: There, why does it look so oily? (They hear Ice Dancers cackle)

Josee: Consider that pay back for putting us near the bathrooms on the flight to Greece!

Kitty: (gets on her horse) Well consider this Poseidon’s retaliation! He was the god of both horses and the sea so this totally makes sense. (Rides off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: I don’t say this often but those 2 are seriously overdue for a karmic ass kicking! I can say ass right?  
\---> Emma: Might as well, this show clearly isn’t meant for children. 

(Sam and May arrive and get their next tip)

Sam: My turn. (Hops on a horse) Ride like the wind bullseye! (The horse doesn’t move at all) Giddy up? (Still nothing) Please? Great.

(The sister’s Rhea grazes and nearby Kitty comes riding in on her horse. She spins the bolas, tosses them at the Rhea but unfortunately the oil causes them to fall off. It then runs off)

Kitty: This is gonna be harder than I originally thought. (Goes to collect the bolas)

Don: (Voice) While the Sisters find themselves in a slippery situation, the siblings have yet to arrive.

(We see the Siblings cab is still not there yet. Why? Cause a speeding truck hauling 10 tons of lemons takes a sharp turn on a highway ramp, causing it to spill its cargo onto the street below and forcing their cab driver to take a longer route. Don’t worry, nobody was beaten to a pulp… *cricket noises* I’ll see myself out.)

(Back at the challenge we see Kitty trying to capture her Rhea again. She throws the bolas only for them to once again fall off.)

Kitty: Darn it.

(Elsewhere we see Jacques riding his horse but because of the oil on his body he’s barely hanging on)

Jacques: So… slippery. (Falls off and shrieks)

Sam: (Tries to push his horse into moving) Come on! We need to win this leg! (The horse then sits on him) I really hope he didn’t have a big lunch.

(Annie and Leo finally arrive and get the tip)

Don: (Voice) The siblings have finally arrived and are now joining the dead heat for dominance.

Annie: (Reads the tip) Whoever didn’t perform the ring toss in the Arctic Circle, oh boy that takes me back, must do this challenge.

Leo: Guess that’s me. (Runs off to find a horse)

(Kitty once again tosses the bolas but the Rhea ducks. Jacques tries to capture his Rhea but only ensnares himself in the process)

Jacques: I hate this stupid oil! (Josee face palms)

(Back with the Anime Nerds the horse is off of Sam but still not moving)

Sam: Well it’s off me but what am I gonna do now? It’s refusing to listen to me, almost like it has a vendetta against me.

May: (Ponders) Here’s an idea, we’re in Argentina so maybe the horse can only understand commands given in Spanish.

Sam: That could actually work. Not like I’m making progress any other way. (Clears throat) Sientate. (The horse sits down) Levántate. (The horse arises) Yes! Now we’re cooking. (Gets on the horses back) Sigue a ese pájaro! (Points to his team’s Emu and the horse follows it)

(Leo spies the perfect horse. It’s white mare with beautiful golden blonde hair that would make any model jealous. What’s her secret? Maybe she was born with it, or maybe it’s neigh-balline. *more cricket chirps* I’ll see myself out again)

Leo: (Gets on the horse) Okay, now’s my chance to get me and Annie back to the top. Onwards! (The horse then starts to buck wildly in an attempt to throw Leo off)

Annie: I thought Leo already rode a bucking bull back in Alberta.

Leo: Whoa! Slow down! Please! Annie! Calm it down!

Annie: I’ll try. (Runs up to the horse) Please fair mare I would appreciate it very much if you would stop trying to toss my brother off your back! We really need your cooperation in order to eliminate a team that is cheating their way to the top! (Ducks before she takes a hoof to the face) Please! It would mean the world to us if you helped us eliminate them! (Ducks again) I don’t think she’s listening to me!

(Elsewhere Sam and his horse are in hot pursuit of the Anime Nerds Rhea, suddenly his horse looks off to the side and sees Leo’s horse going crazy. “Take My Breath Away” by Berlin plays and he gets hearts in his eyes as he watches her hair flow in the breeze. He trots up to her)

Sam: Hey what’s the matter? I thought we were finally seeing eye to eye? I mean- Oye que te pasa? Pensé que finalmente estábamos viendo a los ojos? (His horse stands before Leo’s horse and she stops bucking around. She notices the total stud lying before her.)

Leo: (Dizzy) I don’t know what you did but thank you.

Sam: I didn’t do anything. (Their horses sniff each other, graze together, toss their tails around, whinny and the stallion even grooms her neck with his teeth.) I think we should get off now.

Leo: Why? (His horse turns her back to Sam’s horse) Never mind. (Both he and Sam hop off their horses and run out of view of the camera. The camera also switches focus to Annie and May, who bear witness to what happens when one gives into their throbbing biological urges.)

(Confessional)  
\--> May: She’s faking it.  
\--> Annie: How can you tell?  
\--> May: Trust me, I know these sorts of things.

(Confessional)  
\--> Leo: (Holds head in solace) Why us? What did we ever do to deserve this?  
\--> Sam: Well I guess it all started back when I was 4 and watched this pretty lady’s underwear spin at the laundromat.  
\--> Leo: Correction, what did I ever do to deserve this?

(We now focus on Jacques)

Jacques: Polyester may move with my body in perfect unison but it can’t absorb this wretched oil. It’s only weakness.

(Confessional)  
\--> Josee: Have you ever tried doing a triple lutz while wearing cotton? No? Well that’s because it’s impossible.

(Back with Emma and Kitty)

Kitty: It’s no use, the bola won’t stay on the Rhea, it’s just too slippery.

Emma: I know but seeing as how Sam and Leo’s horses are siring the next Secretariat, you’ll just have to keep at it. I promise I’ll think of something.

(Kitty can see her Rhea, she gives the bolas another toss, with predictable results)

Kitty: That’s it! The celery stalk on the back of the sea urchin has been broken!

Emma: I’m pretty sure it’s "the straw on the back of a camel."

Kitty: Apples to oranges! (Yells and then charges at the Rhea, tackling it and riding it down a hill incline)

Emma: Kitty!

(Back with the ice dancers)

Jacques: I need to find something to absorb this oil. (With a brief shudder he moves his hands through his glorious hair) Well my hands are dry. But at what cost?

(Confessional)  
\--> Josee: (tearing up) You sacrificed your hair so we could win? You truly are the best partner ever. (Hugs him)  
\--> Jacques: (holding back tears) Don’t remind me.

(Jacques can see his team’s Rhea, he spins the bolas, tosses them and ensnares the ratite)

Josee: You’re my hero! Hell, you’re everyone’s hero! (Hugs him but then slips off him)

(Meanwhile Sam and Leo’s horses have finished their quickie and both Sam and Leo are attempting to get back on them)

Leo: Under normal circumstances I would never ride in or on something that I knew had recently copulated but I can’t afford to be picky now.

Sam: Not to mention all of the taxis you’ve been riding on this show probably have seen some action. Even if was just the cab driver on a very lonely Saturday night.

Leo: You’re the lost, inappropriate Warner sibling, you know that?

Sam: Yes I do. (Blows a kiss to the camera) Good night everybody! Ahora a empacar ese pájaro! Adelante! (His horse takes off towards his team’s Rhea)

Leo: (can spy his team’s Rhea) Over there please. (His horse finally runs off towards the bird. Leo spins the bolas, throws them and finally ensnares his rhea) Yes!

Annie: (to May) Hope to see you at the chill zone.

May: Trust me, you will.

(Confessional)  
\--> May: Okay I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know if me and Sam will make it. But if there’s one thing my mother and my grandmother taught me it’s how to cheat at card games and get away with it. Oh and don’t give up or quit, lose on your feet rather than your knees and all that jazz.

(We see the Siblings and the Ice Dancers both load their Rhea into a cab and then take off to the chill zone. Jacques and his Rhea slide out of the cab)

Don: (Voice) The race for first place is underway. Meanwhile things are quite literally going downhill for the sisters. (We resume focus on Kitty and her Rhea. Kitty manages to snap a selfie with her and the Rhea before they make it to the bottom and crash into a tree)

(Confessional)  
\--> Kitty: Of course, I snapped selfie. When am I ever gonna slide down a mountain riding a Rhea again?  
\--> Emma: That sentence has literally never been said anywhere before in the history of the world and will never ever be said again.  
\--> Kitty: Woo hoo! I’m a trail blazer!

Kitty: Okay now how do I get you back up?

Emma: Kitty! (Comes sliding down the mountain)

Kitty: Emma what are you doing here?

Emma: I just saw my little sister slide a mountain. I was worried.

Kitty: Well don’t worry I’m okay. Wanna help me carry the Rhea back up the mountain?

Emma: Sure, even if it smells like expired cheese. (The Rhea gets angry and chases the Sisters up the mountain instead)

(Confessional)  
\--> Emma: I don’t know why the rhea was so angry I was just stating the truth.  
\--> Kitty: Yeah, it was being rhea-diculous. (Breaks character and speaks to Keith Oliver) Keith do I really have to say this? This is the worst pun out of the race yet. And that’s really saying something.  
\--> Keith Oliver: (is standing in the director’s chair) Yes Stephanie you’re in contract. You got a problem with the script take it up with Craig.  
\--> Kitty (Stephanie Anne Mills): You know what, I think I will.  
\--> Emma (Stacey Depass): Want me to come with you?  
\--> Kitty (Stephanie Anne Mills): Thanks Stacey but I’ll be fine.  
\--> Emma (Stacey Depass): Well during your talk can you see if it’s possible for the writers to put in more references to Miyazaki films?  
\--> Kitty (Stephanie Anne Mills): I don’t see why not.

(Meanwhile the Ice Dancers and Siblings taxis stop at the foot of the mountain. Both then step out and start carrying their Rhea to the top)

Don: Here come the first 2 teams. Who will be the first to advance to the final 3!? (The Ice Dancers and Siblings take turns passing each other bit by bit) It’s almost to close to call! (Trembles) Who’s it going to be!? (In the end the Ice Dancers cross the finish line first) And the siblings take first! Woo hoo!

Josee: What are you blind?! We clearly took first!

Don: Maybe but since you’re being penalized for sabotaging the sister’s Rhea Annie and Leo are taking first and winning a tour of the Argentine wine country. How do not realize by now that nefarious behavior results in you being punished? Are you seriously just siphoning out all the parts of this show you don't want to hear? (A big red 30:00 appears above their heads and starts to countdown)

(Annie and Leo hug while Jacques and Josee grimace)

(Confessional)  
\--> Jacques: I can’t believe this. I sacrifice my hair and they win!? Outrageous!  
\--> Josee: Don’t worry Jacques, I promise your hair won’t have been sacrificed for naught. (Concentrates hard)  
\--> Jacques: What are you doing?  
\--> Josee: Seeing if I can manifest miracles with my mind and cause one of the other teams to fail. (Jacques looks to the camera concerned)

(Confessional)  
\--> Leo: One day closer to $1 million!  
\--> Annie: (laughs)  
\---> Leo: What's so funny?  
\---> Annie: I just remembered. You fought the lions in Greece and your name is Leo. Leo is the Lion, which is weird cause you're a Pisces.  
\---> Leo: You're just getting that now?

Don: (Voice) Now it’s not just a race to stay in the game but to eliminate the Ice Dancers from it. Can the 2 remaining teams finally rid me of this incessant headache?

(Meanwhile Sam is still riding his horse and spinning his bolas while chasing that Rhea)

May: (looks around) Sam hurry up I don’t see Emma and Kitty anywhere!

Sam: Enough is enough! (Tosses the bolas and ensures the Rhea) Yes! (His horse whinnies and rears up, almost throwing Sam off) Oye, fácil hay tigre! (The horse settles down)

May: (starts to drag the Rhea towards the road) A little help here.

Sam: Right. Adios. (Gets off his horse and helps May drag the bird to the side of the road and then starts to hail a taxi) Hey!

(Meanwhile Emma and Kitty are chased up a tree by the Rhea. They notice Sam and May are still here)

Kitty: Sam and May haven’t left yet. We still have a chance. (Gives Emma another pair of Bolas) Be ready. (Leaps down)

Emma: What are you doing?!

Kitty: (Is now holding onto the body of the rhea) Paying for your law school! (The Rhea pecks at her while Emma throws the Bolas around them both) There we go! Now let’s make it to the chill zone! (Emma grabs the bird and leads it to the road. Sam and May find a taxi and get inside it. Moments later Emma and Kitty do the same thing) Follow that taxi.

(Inside the Anime Nerds taxi)

Sam: (looks behind) Don’t let that taxi pass us.

Don: (voice) Looks like all bonds of friendship are currently dissolved. Who will make it?!

(Inside the Anime Nerds taxi)

May: (fidgets nervously) I can’t believe it. We are this much closer to winning and this close to losing!

Sam: Are you nervous?

May: Of course I’m nervous! I’ve been nervous since day one! I’ve never done anything this epic in scale. There have been a few times I thought for certain our goose was cooked but we made it. Which is incredible considering I’m not an athlete.

Sam: What do you mean you’re not an athlete?

May: Sam look at the facts; you bend in ways I can’t imagine, you run every day, you lift weights and you roller skate like it's no one's business. I was just an average gym student and I don’t do average. But winning this will prove I’m an athlete.

Sam: Well I’ve always considered you an athlete.

May: How?

Sam: Because no matter how hard a problem is you find a solution. And that’s always been my favorite feature of you. You’ve got pure wild animal craziness written all over you.

May: Yeah I guess we always were wild animals. (Notices the Rhea staring at their conversation) This would be a lot more romantic without the bird wouldn’t it?

Sam: Definitely.

(Both taxis arrive at the bottom of the chill zone and get out. Sam and Emma lead the Rhea and it becomes a very tight race to the chill zone. The Ice Dancers look nervous as hell.)

Leo/Annie: Come on, come on, come on! (Both teams and their Rhea place all 6 feet on the chill zone… with 6 minutes to spare on the Ice Dancers penalty) Yes!

Jacques/Josee: No!

Don: Anime Nerds take 2nd while Sisters take 3rd! (Both teams cheer and hug. He then then turns his attention to the Ice Dancers who are sobbing a lot) Ice Dancers, this is the hardest thing I’ve had to say all race… (They brace for those 3 little words) this is a non-elimination round. (There’s a record needle scratch and the 3 other teams stop their celebrating)

Emma: Oh come on! (The Rhea face palm with their feet)

Josee/Jacques: (Hug while jumping up and down) Yay! Yay! Yay!

Kitty: Can somebody untie me? (Leo, Annie, Sam, May and Emma all comply)

Don: (Groans) I am so having a talk with the producers to make sure something like this can’t happen next season. (To the camera) 4 teams unfortunately still remain in the fight for the million but soon it will only be 3. Which 3? Tune in next time on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

(Episode Ends)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time has now come for you to tango, FOR YOUR LIFE! Behold, my shortest chapter this season. With only 4 teams left I was worried that I wouldn't be able to have enough content for a suitable story but I realized, I've been writing this long enough just get it done dude. Only 2 legs left until the big payoff. Favorite part this chapter: Sam and May dancing to "Pure Feeling"
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Leo & Annie (1st Place)  
> Sam & May (2nd Place)  
> Emma & Kitty (3rd Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (4th Place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Sanders & MacArthur (5th)  
> Jordan & Fabian (6th)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th)  
> Devin & Carrie (8th)  
> Tom & Jen (9th)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th)  
> Crimson & Ennui (12th)  
> June & Quince (13th)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th)  
> Owen & Noah (15th)  
> Dani & Syd (16th)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	35. Bahama-rama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A treasure hunt in the Bahamas is all that stands between the final 4 and the finale, but could one teams benevolence lead to its end?

Don: (Voice) Previously on The Ridonculous Race. The final 4 hit Argentina. The Sisters and the Ice Dancers both became part of a slippery sliding spectacle while 2 horses got closer than anyone wanted. Leo and Annie won while the Ice Dancers got last place, but they were unfortunately saved by a non-elimination round. But thankfully today isn’t one. (We see photos of the final 4 teams) Siblings. Anime Nerds. Sisters. Ice Dancers. These 4 teams have battled their way through 28 countries and crossed 135 time zones so far, but now the real challenge begins. From this moment on it’s a nonstop race to the finish line. Those who slow down will get left behind. Welcome to part 1 of the finale of THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

(Intro plays)

(We see Don still at the mountainous chill zone from last time.)

Don: We’re still in Argentina where yesterday’s first place winners, Annie and Leo, will grab the first travel tip. (Annie and Leo walk up right next to the don box)

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: Looking at the stats. The Ice Dancers have won 6 times. We’ve won 5 times and the other 2 teams have each won 3 times. The Ice Dancers are certainly not to be underestimated but their own perfectionism may be their downfall.  
\--> Leo: If they don’t resort to sabotage now they could win this thing but with any luck they will.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: How we see it, there is absolutely no competition for us, only minor bumps in the road.  
\---> Jacques: And today is street sweeping day!

Leo: (Presses the button and gets the tip) We’re going to the Bahamas.

(Don stands in a slideshow of the Bahamas while Caribbean music plays)

Don: The Bahamas! Known for its pirate history, stunning beaches and pink flamingos. (Is seen emerging from an airport) Once teams land in Nassau they’ll find this Don Box with their next travel tip. (Walks up to a don box dressed like a pirate)

(Back in Argentina)

Everyone: (to taxi drivers) To the airport now please! (All the taxis take off)

(Inside the sister’s cab)

Emma: I cannot believe we’re still in the race. Yesterday was absolutely bonkers.

Kitty: Well something tells me today will be even more ostrobogulous.

Emma: You actually payed attention to that word a day calendar I got you for Christmas a few years back, didn’t you?

Kitty: Duh of course I did.

(Inside the Anime Nerds cab)

May: I can’t believe it! One more day closer to the big pay off! I won an academic scholarship to one of the best schools in the country and it still wasn’t as exciting as this race has been.

Sam: Yeah last time I was this excited was when I just watched The Avengers. (sighs) 2012 was a good time, even though it was only 3 years ago.

(At the front desk of the airport a man is doing his sudoku puzzle until the ice dancers get up in his face)

Jacques/Josee: Hey! (His attention is grabbed)

Josee: Listen we need 2 tickets to Nassau now! There are 3 more teams coming and you will put them all on a later flight got it!?

May: (voice off screen) Oh he’s got it alright! (The Ice Dancers turn and see all 3 teams already got their tickets much to their chagrin)

Jacques: I’m getting sick of airports!

Annie: Then stay in the quarantine area and don’t leave the country.

Leo: Good one! (high fives her)

(All 4 teams get on the same flight and head up north)

Don: (Voice) Every team is on the same flight and once it lands every move they make will be critical. Along with every vow they break, every smile they fake, every claim they stake and every breath they take.

(The flight lands in the Bahamas and all 4 teams get off. The Ice Dancers are the first to make it to the don box)

Jacques: All-in! Arrgh, matey this way be treasure maps?

(Don is now seen inside the island’s Pirate Museum)

Don: Welcome to Nassau’s Pirate Museum. Teams will travel here by cab and search this grand display of petty theft for a special treasure map marked with the show’s logo. (Is now seen riding a jet ski on the open water) Once they find a map, they must travel by jet ski to the coast of Abaco island where they’ll find this Don Box with their next tip. (We see a Don Box on a floating platform in addition to scuba gear)

(All the teams quickly find taxis and depart for the museum. It goes Anime Nerds, Siblings, Sisters and Ice Dancers)

(Inside the Ice Dancers taxi)

Jacques: As professional athletes we have the useful ability to stay calm under pressure.

Josee: (Calmly) Could you please speed up? We’re in last place right now and if we stay in last place you might not live past today. (The driver turns on the radio to play loud Caribbean music which drowns out their talking)

Jacques: I’m surprised this hasn’t happened more often.

(At the Museum the first team to arrive are Sam and May)

Sam: How ironic, my senior quote was from Jack Sparrow and now pirates are going to be a milestone marker at another important event in my life.

May: That’s not irony. Irony is the use of words expressing something other than their literal intention. This is more of a coincidence.

Sam: Comme ci, come ca. (They run into the museum and see maps everywhere) Oh merde.

May: You search left, I’ve got right. (They start searching and as they do Annie and Leo come walking in next and also start searching. Outside Emma and Kitty exit their taxi)

Emma: Yes. We’re here. (The Ice Dancers run over them) Hey!

Kitty: You’re the worst!

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: We’re not the worst. Now Henrich Himmler, he was the worst.  
\---> Jacques: Did you have to automatically compare us to a Nazi?  
\---> Josee: What? Nazis are the worst. We hate everyone who gets in our way of victory regardless of ethnic/cultural background. We don’t discriminate.

(Inside the museum Jacques and Josee search feverishly for the map)

Emma: We may be the last ones in but we can also be the first ones out. Search! (People search high and low for the maps. Josee tears a few in half and eventually Kitty finds one behind a map on display.) Yes!

Kitty: Hello first place! Adios Ice Dancers! (Waves them off as her team exits the building)

Sam: (Has his head in a cannon) I don’t know what happened but I’m guessing you 2 just got burned. So eat it!

Don: (Voice over as Emma and Kitty change into their swim suits) The sisters leap from 4th to 1st but the Siblings aren’t far behind. (Annie finds the next map under another map on display)

Annie: Found it!

Jacques: Come on! (Annie and Leo exit the building)

Don: (Voice over) Can the Anime Nerds and Ice Dancers catch up? (We see Emma and Kitty arrive at the island)

Kitty: There it is. (She and Emma walk on board and she presses the button to get the tip) Random botch or watch. Dive to Survive. Whomever is holding this tip must search for sunken treasure?

(We see Don in his swimsuit wearing scuba gear and diving down to the depths below)

Don: In this really dangerous challenge that somehow made it past S&P, one team mate must navigate these underwater tunnels using the map, a flashlight and a tank of oxygen to find gold doubloons. Take too long and they’ll run out of air which is kind of important. Once they’ve found the coins they must swim back up to the surface and then race their jet skis to the shore and run along the beach to this midpoint chill zone of our grand finale. (Is now seen on the chill zone) Last team to make it here may never be able to see another beach again without crying.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: Not to seem ungrateful, but out of all the botches why did I have to get this one?  
\---> Emma: For my 7th birthday we had a pirate themed pool party. We dove for treasure and Kitty’s bikini strap got caught in the drain.  
\---> Kitty: I barely made it out alive.  
\---> Emma: Her top got sucked into the filter. Thankfully it didn’t happen while she was 14, that would’ve been way too embarrassing for her to live down.

(Back inside the museum the last 2 teams are getting desperate)

Sam: Where are you?! (Lifts up a crate full of maps in the one he needs falls out) Yes! (Josee attempts to grab it) Hands off! (He, May and Jacques all grab on the map and a tug of war ensues)

May: Let go!

Sam: Good thinking! (With one wink both he and May let go and the ice dancers fall back and drop the map. Allowing him and May to claim it for their own) Sayonara! (He and May leave the museum, get changed and head off to the next challenge)

Don: (Voice) Sam and May have 3rd place but can they hold onto it?!

(May takes the lead but struggles to drive the jet ski forward quickly. Meanwhile the Ice Dancers find their map, exit the museum, get changed and hop aboard a jet ski. Meanwhile Annie and Leo make it to the floating platform)

Emma: (Speaks to Kitty via communicator) Annie and Leo are here. How are you doing?

(Underwater)

Kitty: Pretty good so far. (Sees the mouth of the underwater cave and the fear over comes her) I don’t know if I can do this! (Screen splits into a dual screen mode with Emma on the right and Kitty on the left)

Emma: Yes, you can. You’re the bravest and most resourceful person I know. You’ve got this.

Kitty: That’s easily one of the 10 nicest things you’ve ever said to me.

Emma: Well here’s something not so nice, here comes Annie so move! (Kitty sucks it up and proceeds into the cave)

Annie: (Is suiting up to go underwater) What, no raising the issue of concern that I shouldn’t be doing this challenge?

Leo: What’s there to be concerned about? You’ve proved your mettle more than enough times this race. Go for it, I know you got this.

Annie: Thanks Leo. (Puts on helmet and then dives down)

Leo: Our little sisters, aren’t they amazing?

Emma: You know when I really think about it, yeah, they are. But mine’s faster.

Leo: Well see.

(Out in the bay May and Sam are still having trouble with their jet ski)

Sam: Maybe you should let me drive.

May: No, no I’ve got this.

Josee: Hey manga maniacs. Eat seaweed! (She and Jacques drive by on their jet ski and the wake knocks them off their ski)

May: (both she and Sam resurface) Okay fine, you drive.

Sam: Nice! (Both he and May get back on the jet ski. He revs it and then drives forward) Woo hoo! Here’s to never ending circles!

(Commercial break)

(Jacques and Josee make it to the floating platform and Josee grabs the tip)

Josee: I have to dive underwater and swim through caves?!

(We are treated to a brief montage of Josee’s claustrophobia. Which includes being locked in Geelong, being on the crowded train in Japan and being lowered down into the Kola Borehole in Russia. Just in case you forgot you goldfish)

Jacques: Don’t worry mon petit chou, you got this. (Puts the helmet and oxygen tank on her) Just use the fear and anger to strengthen your decision making.

Josee: You’re right. I’ll just channel my anger into sabotaging the Anime Nerds.

Jacques: Enough with all this sabotage. It’s almost gotten us eliminated and knocked out of the winner’s podium too many times.

Josee: Yes and now we are here, the final 4.

Jacques: (groans) See this is why I don’t want to go pro with you anymore.

Josee: What?!

Jacques: There are other things I want to do with my life you know.

Josee: You’re seriously telling me all this now?! (Sam and May arrive) We’ll discuss this later. (Dives in. About a second later we are treated to the sound of Josee’s screaming through the mic)

Emma: Nice to know her mic works.

(Underwater)

Kitty: What was that?

Emma: (voice) Just Josee freaking out.

Don: (Voice over) 3 out of the 4 teams are underwater but only 2 are in the tunnels. (Josee approaches the mouth of the cave)

Jacques: (Voice) You’ve got this Josee. Just pretend you’re going into a skating rink.

Josee: Stop talking! Just let me whimper in peace!

Sam: (Has on the helmet and scuba gear) Here I come Bikini Bottom. (Dives down)

(Back with Josee)

Jacques: (voice) I‘m only trying to help you know.

Josee: I don’t take orders from traitors.

Jacques: (voice) Yell at me after you’ve finished the challenge!

Josee: I can’t... breathe! I think I’m getting light headed!

Jacques: (voice) You’ve got plenty of oxygen just check the gauge meter.

Josee: (Notices its only at 60%) It’s only at 60%, this isn’t good!

Sam: (Swims past her) Adios mi pelícano pegajoso.

May: (Voice) You do realize you just called her a sticky pelican, right?

Sam: Yeah.

Josee: You might as well keep dreaming along with your hopes of making it in Hollywood, you Alice Cooper reject! (Swims forward with trepidation)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: I’ll never understand why she’s so claustrophobic. You think her mother locked her in a closet as punishment when ever she failed as a child?  
\---> May: Maybe, or maybe it’s because she’s got a big head.

Don: (Voice over as we see dots representing the botchers swim through a map of the tunnels) All of the botchers are now in the tunnels, some slower than others.

Josee: (Internal monologue) Come on Josee you can do it! You are not a scared little child anymore. You’re a winner! A champion! (Out loud) I’m a winner! You all hear me!

Sam: How can we not hear you? Could someone please disconnect her mic?

(On the surface)

May: Shouldn’t you talk her down?

Jacques: What do you think I’ve been doing for nearly 2 decades? About time she got a taste of it for once.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kitty: Nearly 2 decades of that? I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. 

(Back with Annie. She seems a little at unease with his challenge)

(confessional)  
\---> Annie: I’m not gonna lie. I was kind of dreading a deep-sea diving challenge. It’s one thing to love the little mermaid and another thing entirely to be her. But at this point in the game, all fear must be put aside to come out on top and finally send the ice dancers home. I’m gonna make this challenge my bitch. Oh yeah, I went there.

Annie: (Swims forward) Come on Annie, you've got this, you've got to be brave. (Sings as a Bollywood style melody plays) You've got be brave, you've got to brave. You've got to be brave in a cave. It's yucky and it's eerie, it's creepy and it's dark. I could meet a sting ray, or a hammerhead shark. Stalactites and Stalagmites, creepy rock formations, all kinds of freaky fungus and mystery crustaceans. I see a freaky shadow, and hear a haunting sound, but I've got to keep going, I cannot turn around. I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave in a cave. I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave in a cave. 

Josee: (sings while swimming next to Sam) What's up around that corner? What's down around that bend? 

Sam: (sings) We could get lost down here, or stuck in dead end. 

Josee: (sings) I wish we weren't down here. I prefer Grenadines.

Sam: (sings) Oh man let me tell you, I know just what you mean. 

Kitty: (swims alone and sings) This water's kind of murky, and also kind of cold. But I should be courageous, and strong and tough and bold. 

(Screen splits into 4 sections. Sam, Kitty, Josee and Annie all fill a spot)

All: (sing) I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave in a cave. I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave, I've got to be brave in a cave. (Music ends)

(We resume focus on Kitty) 

Emma: You almost there Kitt?

Kitty: (arrives in the center of the caves) Yeah I’m in the cavern, I think I see something gold. (Waves the flashlight around until she finds the gold in the treasure chest!) Bingo! I found the treasure!

(On the surface)

Emma: Yes! Now let’s move onto the chill zone.

(Underwater)

Kitty: (grabs a bag of doubloons) First place here we come! (Out of nowhere an octopus comes and grabs her flashlight away from her) Hey! Give me that back! (Gets involved in a game of keep away with the cephalopod)

Emma: (voice) Is something the matter?

Kitty: Yeah, an octopus has my flashlight! (Grabs it by 2 of its tentacles and then it starts to swim away with Kitty holding on) No! (They exit the cavern)

Annie: (Is next to enter the cavern) Leo I’m here.

Leo: (voice) Good, now find the treasure.

Annie: (looks around and spots a pearl in its oyster) Pretty but not what I need. (Spots a crown and jewels) Also lovely and unnecessary. (Finally finds the treasure chest) Yes! (Grabs a bag of doubloons) I’ve got the coins!

(On the surface)

Leo: Then come up to the surface and be part of our world.

Emma: Annie do you see Kitty anywhere?

(Underwater)

Annie: (Shines the flashlight everywhere) No, and I don’t know which tunnel she went down. And as much as I want to search them my common sense is telling me I have to get myself out of here first. I’m sorry Emma but I’m leaving.

Emma: (voice) Well I guess I can’t fault you. In all honesty I would’ve done the same thing if it was me and Leo doing this.

Annie: (Departs for the exit)

(Confessional)  
\---> Annie: (Tearing up a little) That was easily one of the 10 hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Along with doing the Christmas pageant after hearing about Sandy Hook! (Buries face in hands) What is the matter with you people?! Do you really love guns more than your own children!? Huh?! (starts crying)

Emma: (worried) Kitty where are you?

Kitty: (voice) A few caves over and I’m in a really big pickle right now!

(Underwater we see that Kitty is stuck in a tiny crevasse that she in unable to back out of. Her head is out of the cave but her body is still in.)

Kitty: (cries out) Help!

Don: (voice) With Kitty stuck between a rock and another rock Annie resurfaces and the siblings take the lead.

(Annie resurfaces and she and Leo hop on the jet ski)

Annie: Good luck. Sorry Emma. (They drive off)

Leo: Going into the finale in first place. This has to be a good omen. (Notices how morose Annie is) I know that wasn’t easy for you but we knew going into this game we’d have to make a lot of hard decisions. Kitty will be fine, I know it.

Annie: How can you be so sure?

Leo: I’m just looking on the brightside. Someone once told me if I just have faith, the things I need the most will be bestowed upon me. (Annie smiles)

(Back underwater Josee reaches the cavern)

Josee: I did it, I’m in the cavern!

Jacques: (voice) Excellent!

(On the surface)

May: Sam, how did she get ahead of you?

(Underwater)

Sam: It comes to my attention that I may have this thing upside down. (Flips it around) Yep, I was right. (Proceeds down the tunnel on the right)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: Why didn’t I let May teach me how to read upside down? I just had to settle for her teaching me how to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded.

Josee: (grabs a bag of doubloons) And Josee takes the gold, as if there was ever any doubt. (Oxygen tank beeps) My oxygen is down to just 2%! Help! (starts gasping)

Jacques: (voice) Look for an air pocket!

Josee: (Quickly swims up to the top of the cavern, where there is an air pocket. She removes her helmet and takes a deep breath) I found one, but what now?!

(Surface)

Jacques: Huh, good question.

(Commercial break)

(Leo and Annie arrive at the beach, get off the jet ski, get changed back into their regular clothes and then run off to find Don and the chill zone. They soon make it)

Don: Leo, Annie, congratulations on coming in 1st again! (They cheer) Here’s your next tip! (Gives them their next tip)

Annie: Oh my god, we’re going to New York!

Leo: Let’s make that water taxi! (They run off)

Don: Darn, I forgot to tell them they’ve won a 2-week Caribbean cruise. Eh, they’ll figure it out eventually. First place is gone and only 2 spots remain. Who will take them?! (We see Annie and Leo get into a water taxi and then drive off)

(Back at the challenge)

Emma: (reading tip) It says we can send divers to get them out but we’ll be disqualified in doing so.

(Underwater)

Kitty: Emma give me 30 seconds and then I’ll come up with a plan.

(In the cavern Sam collects his dubloons)

Sam: Got em.

May: (voice) Excellent, now resurface so we can take 2nd place. (Sam shines his flashlight up and can see Josee at the top of their air pocket. He swims up to her)

Sam: Adios Elsa. (Dives back down and Josee screams)

Josee: I hate that punk!

Jacques: (voice) Josee stop wasting air!

Josee: (voice while Sam swims back) I thought I was on my own now!?

(Surface)

Jacques: Josee we have no choice we have to send a diver. Not even you can hold your breath long enough to make it to the surface.

(In the cavern)

Josee: And what quit?! After everything we’ve done, both on this show and in our lives?! Just throw it all away?! We’re better than that! You especially! I know I don’t say it enough but you are my favorite person in the world and knowing that we can’t work together it’s… heartbreaking. I know I should let you be your own person but some of my favorite memories involve you. And I want to make more but I can only do that if you help me. Please, Jacques we can’t quit now. Both on this show and in our careers. Together I know we’ll be great. Partner!

Jacques: (exasperated voice) Fine, if it means that much, I will go pro with you.

Josee: Really?! Thank you! Now how can I escape from here alive and in conjuncture with the rules?!

(Sam looks at Josee as she stays at the top of the cavern’s air pocket. He could leave her alone and finally be rid of her but something in his conscience refuses him to leave her be)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: (sighs) Sometimes I hate being a half decent person.

Sam: (to headpiece) May remember the day before we left to compete on this show and you said you would never resent or regret anything I did here?

May: (Voice) Yeah.

Sam: Well I’m gonna hold you to that. (Swims back up to Josee)

Josee: What are you here for? Rub it in some more?

Sam: Actually, I’m here to help you.

Josee: I thought you hated me?

Sam: More than Teen Titans Go!, but unlike you I’m an actual nice person and sometimes that means helping those you don’t want to help cause your moral compass points in that direction. And if anything’s gonna take you out of this race, it will be me. (Takes off helmet and gives her the oxygen mask) Try and pull anything funny and I’ll drag us both down to Davy Jones locker.

Josee: Too soon.

Sam: It’s been 3 years! Now come on. (Josee dives down and then he takes deep breath and follows her. As they swim out of the caves they take turns sharing the oxygen but Josee holds onto it longer at times)

Don: (Voice) Josee and Sam head back to the surface, and unless Kitty can free herself and catch up the sisters are out of the running.

(We see Kitty still wedged between the rocks)

Kitty: (to head gear) I’ve got an idea Emma. I’m gonna ditch the oxygen tank and swim for it.

Emma: (Voice) That’s ridiculous! You can’t hold your breath long enough!

Kitty: Oh yes I can. Ever since I got stuck in that pool I’ve been practicing holding my breath. I can do this. Do you trust me?

Emma: (voice) Yes, I do.

Kitty: Then here goes everything! (Detaches herself from the oxygen mask, breathes in and the slips out. She swims for the surface)

(Surface. Jacques and May await on the jet skis when all of a sudden Sam and Josee surface. Both inhale)

May: You saved her sorry ass?

Sam: Remember what you said the day before we left.

May: Fair enough.

Jacques: You shared oxygen with that nematode?

Josee: I did what I had to. (To Sam) I’m surprised how long you where able to hold yours with me hogging it.

Sam: What can I say, I’ve got great lung capacity. (Raises an eyebrow to the audience like “you all know what I’m talking about”. He joins May on the jet ski and then guns it to the beach)

Jacques: (Josee gets on) I know he saved your life but should I attempt to surpass them?

Josee: Is Geico running out of rhetorical questions for those stupid ass commercials? (The Geico logo appears above them)

Voice: Geico. 15 minutes could save you a lot of money. (Josee grabs the logo and throws it into the water)

Josee: Ride! (Jacques revs it and the jet ski takes off)

Emma: (looks down at the water) Kitty where are you!? (Looks down tentatively for several seconds until Kitty resurfaces!) You did it!

Kitty: (gets onto the platform) Are we toast?

Emma: Not yet! (Both hop on the jet ski and then drive like there’s no tomorrow)

(3 way split screen. We see Sam & May on top, Jacques & Josee in the middle and Emma & Kitty on the bottom)

Don: (voice) Who will come out on top and who will be left behind?

(Sam & May arrive at the beach, get off and get changed, as do Jacques and Josee and Emma & Kitty shortly after. Once they’re all back in their regular clothes they run to the chill zone. Sam & May pull ahead but Josee picks up a coconut and throws it at Sam, knocking him to the ground and into a rock. This allows Jacques and Josee to pull ahead while May helps him to his feet.)

May: Why am I not surprised?

Josee: It’s not personal, it’s just a million dollars on the line.

Sam: (May holds onto him while they run in tandem) Well here’s a rock fact for you. Whales ejaculate 30 gallons into the ocean each time they do it, which means you just swam through a whole mess of whale semen. (Jacques, Josee, Emma and Kitty all shudder)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Who in their right mind even thinks about saying things like that? And to think the one with the wavy brown hair is special needs.

(It becomes a dead heat between Sisters, Anime Nerds and Ice Dancers as the chill zone gets ever closer. In the final push it’s………. Jacques & Josee followed by Sam & May. Hey that rhymed.)

Don: Silver for the Ice Dancers & bronze for the Anime Nerds! (Emma & Kitty arrive) Sisters, 4th place. (They sigh all solemn) I’m sorry ladies, but you played a great game. (Gives the next travel tips to the top 2 teams) Here you go people.

May: (Like James in the Giant Peach) We’re going to New York City!

Jacques: To the water taxis! (All 4 run off)

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: Okay I admit, it was nice not to have a penalty this time. Maybe we should cheat less.  
\---> Jacques: Hey I don’t have a problem with cheating, I just don’t want to be penalized for it.  
\---> Josee: We really are a perfect pair.

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: Betrayed, just like the farmer and the viper, Unalaq and Korra, and Scar & Mufasa.  
\---> May: You know what we must do now. Pull out all the stops.

Don: (to Emma and Kitty) Well, is there anything left you want to say?

Emma: (she and Kitty hug him) Thanks for this opportunity Don. (Don smiles and hugs back)

=== Best of Emma and Kitty === (The screen shows a video montage of Emma and Kitty's best moments from the Ridonculous Race. Emma and Kitty voice over.)

Emma: (Voice) This has been the most incredible experience of my life.

Kitty: (voice) Mine too. Sorry I blew it.

Emma: (voice) Blew it, are you kidding? You rocked it! I meant what I said before Kit, I’m so proud of you. I’d take you over a million bucks any day.

Kitty: (voice) Me too. What was your favorite part?

Emma: (voice) Coming in first in Dubai. Yours?

Kitty: (voice) The selfie challenge in Africa, duh.

Emma: (voice) I’ve never felt more like a winner than I do now.

Kitty: (voice) And I’ve never felt closer to you.

(They’re seen walking along the beach)

Kitty: So are you going to call Noah?

Emma: What am I, The Simpsons? Of course, I’ll call him when we get back home. Just hope he’s not too disappointed I didn’t win.

Kitty: I think it will lessen the blow if we take him for a ride in your Ferrari.

Emma: Great thinking.

Don: (photos of the final 3 teams appear above him) 3 teams left. Who will win? The only way to find out is to stick around and watch the thrilling conclusion of The Outstanding, Stupendous, Incredible and Ridonculous Race! (Smiles for the camera)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot to say about this chapter other than tune in next week to see who wins it all. Favorite part: The random ass musical moment. 
> 
> Team Placements:  
> Leo & Annie (1st Place)  
> Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)  
> Sam & May (3rd Place)
> 
> RANKINGS:  
> Emma & Kitty (4th)  
> Sanders & MacArthur (5th)  
> Jordan & Fabian (6th)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th)  
> Devin & Carrie (8th)  
> Tom & Jen (9th)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th)   
> Crimson & Ennui (12th)   
> June & Quince (13th)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th)  
> Owen & Noah (15th)  
> Dani & Syd (16th)  
> Aaryn & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th )  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th )   
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)   
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)   
> Jay & Mickey (24th)   
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


	36. A Million Ways to Lose $ 1 Million

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A million dollars is on the line as the final 3 try to survive the hustle and bustle of New York city

Don: (Voice) This season on The Ridonculous Race! 25 teams of 2 embarked on an epic race around the world! Their physical, mental and emotional limits were pushed to near breaking points many times. Along the way there was comradery, heartbreak, joy, humor and a lot of sabotage. And two (footage of Leonard & Tammy’s elimination), by two (footage of Jay & Mickey’s elimination), by two (footage of Gerry & Pete’s elimination), by two (footage of Rock & Spud’s elimination), by two (footage of Laurie & Miles’ elimination), by two (footage of Kelly & Taylor’s elimination), by two (footage of Mary & Ellody’s elimination), by two (footage of Chet & Lorenzo’s elimination), by two (footage of Aaron & Yves’ elimination), by two (footage of Syd & Dani’s elimination), by two (footage of Owen & Noah’s elimination), by two (footage of Ryan & Stephanie’s elimination), by two (footage of June & Quince’s elimination), by two (footage of Crimson & Ennui’s elimination), by two (footage of Gabriella & Nekota’s elimination), by two (footage of Geoff & Brody’s elimination), by two (footage of Tom & Jen’s elimination), by two (footage of Devin & Carrie’s elimination), by two (footage of Dwayne & Junior’s elimination), by two (footage of Fabian & Jordan’s elimination), by two (footage of Sanders & MacArthur’s elimination) they were eliminated until only 4 remained. And last time they went to the Bahamas where they went underwater treasure hunting, and Josee and Kitty both nearly became part of Davy Jones locker. It was another photo finish at the chill zone where the sisters unfortunately came in last. But for everyone else the race continued on! (Photos of the final 3 teams appear above him) Who will win it all? Will it be The Siblings? (Footage of the siblings on the plane plays) Through a combination of great team work, chutzpah and a lot of luck they cut through challenges like a knife through butter, and even when 2 of their favorite people left, they persisted and came out on top many times. Do they have enough luck to make it through the end of the day? (Footage of the anime nerds on the plane plays) Will it be The Anime Nerds? Whether it was his devil may care attitude or her strategizing, Sam and May have made this show their bitch, granted they’ve stayed at the back most of the race but will they spring forward to win it all now? (Footage of The Ice Dancers on the plane plays) Or will it be The Ice Dancers? Probably our most formidable team in terms of raw athletics and skill, but doing well hasn’t been enough for them and their desire for perfection has caused them to almost be eliminated too many times to count. Will they finally come out on tippy top today or will they get a lesser medal once again? Find out right here, right now on the thrilling finale of The Ridonculous Race! (Smiles to the camera with a glare)

(Intro plays)

(We see the final 3 teams all get onto the flight that will take them to New York City and for one of them this will be the ride to a million dollars.)

Don: (Voice) Our teams are on their way to their final destination, New York City. (Stands in a slideshow of the place, a jazzy melody plays) A playground for capitalist wolves and jazz handed Broadway stars, home to 8.6 million people and 16.4 million rats. (Walks up to a don box) When teams arrive at JFK airport, they must find this don box to collect one of their most important tips.

(On the plane confessional)  
\---> Leo: Can we win? Of course we can, but if we’re going to win, we must be at our triple A game until Don announces us as the winners. Thankfully we’ve got luck on our side.  
\---> Annie: I’m so excited! I still can’t believe we could be millionaires by sunset today! I’m just about to lose control and I think I like it!

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: Making it this far is truly a miraculous and incredible accomplishment, but we didn’t come here just for 3rd place.  
\---> May: This is the moment I’ve been waiting for since Toronto. Once we land, we’re not stopping till we cross the finish line.

(Confessional)  
\---> Josee: If those other teams think they have a chance they’re delusional.  
\---> Jacques: Correction: more delusional than they already are.  
\---> Josee: We’ve always been the best, and today is no different. Gold will finally be ours!

(The plane lands, and the most important part of the race begins now!)

Don: (Voice) The teams have arrived. Who will take the first tip and the early lead?

(All 3 teams exit the plane head for the don box. Sam gets the tip first)

Sam: (reads) All-in. Who’s ready to face the traffic?

Don: (walks by a bunch of cabs as Sky’s sister walks by him) For this all-in teams must take one of these ridonculous taxi cabs and drive themselves to all the way to the Empire State Building. (Is now at the ground lobby of the building) Once they arrive, they must climb a measly 86 flights of stairs to reach the observation deck (Is now at the observation deck where there are 3 suitcases, each with a travel tip on them) and collect their next tip, attached to one of these suitcases.

(Back at the airport)

Annie: (reads tip) Good luck to all of you. Except Jacques and Josee.

Josee: Well that’s just rude.

Jacques: Taxis! Vite! Vite! (Everyone runs to find a taxi. All get in one and drive off)

(Inside the Ice Dancers taxi)

Josee: (Has the map while Jacques drives) Hurry up! We’re probably in last!

Jacques: I’m aware of that! Where do I go!?

Josee: Keep going straight but faster! (Jacques revs the engine)

(Inside the Siblings taxi)

Annie: New York. We’ve dreamed about it for so long and now here we are! (Misty eyed) So beautiful.

Leo: Don’t cry yet Evita. Pretty soon we’ll be in the premiere seats at The Lion King. With backstage passes.

(Inside the Anime Nerds taxi)

May: (Gives direction) Take the next right!

Sam: Got it! (Turns right) Now where?

May: Take another right! (Another taxi passes them and Josee’s wicked laughter is heard) Pursue them! (Sam revs it)

Josee: (flips them off)

Jacques: I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you do that.

Josee: What can I say? It’s the finale, it brings out something special in me.

Jacques: (Can see the Siblings taxi in front of them) Ah! Brother & Sister!

Josee: Time to pulverize them! (Jacques applies the gas)

Annie: Half-way there, just keep going straight and- (They get rear ended by the ice dancers who laugh)

Josee: Do it again! Do it again! (Jacques does so and manages to usurp the lead)

(Confessional)  
\----> Jacques: Who said you can’t have fun in a competition?  
\----> Josee: My mother.  
\----> Jacques: Oh yeah, well she was wrong.

Don: (voice) Ice Dancers take the lead! And the Siblings may take out most of 81st & 3rd!

(Leo & Annie hold onto each other as the taxi spins out of control. Civilians run out of the way in time for their taxi to slam into a light pole. Both exit the vehicle unharmed)

Leo: You okay?

Annie: I’m fine but the taxi isn’t.

Leo: Then what do you say we take the subway? (Points to a subway entrance. They then head down it)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: What did I say? Lucky! (imitates a mic drop)

(Ice Dancer’s taxi)

Josee: (Laughs) Did you see the looks on their faces? Priceless! (Suddenly the vehicle comes to an abrupt stop) What’s happening?!

Jacques: We’re caught in a New York City traffic jam!

Josee: Nooooooo!

Man: You mind honking like normal people?!

(Several cars behind Sam & May also get caught in the jam)

Sam: Damn it! New York traffic is even worse the San Francisco traffic!

May: Look at the bright side. If we’re stuck then so is everyone else.

(In the subway. Annie and Leo sit close to a vagrant)

Annie: This is a lot cleaner than I expected it to be.

Leo: I don’t even think we’ll be mugged.

PA: Next stop Empire State Building.

Siblings: Yes!

(Traffic)

Sam: That’s it! I’m breaking out the big guns!

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: We don’t necessarily need to win the money but we really, really f#%&ing want to!  
\---> May: And now’s when we do any and everything possible to win it.

(Sam rolls down the windows and then turns up the volume of the radio. Then he turns it on and “Stupid Hoe” by Nicki Minaj plays. Cars start to move out of the way and he drives through)

(Confessional)  
\---> Sam: Id’ never thought I’d say this but thanks Minaj.

(Near the Empire State Building, the siblings exit the subway.)

Annie: The Empire State Building!

Leo: (looks around) And we’re the first ones here! (Both proceed into the building and start to climb the steps)

Annie: It’s weird, this show began with us climbing a whole gross of steps and now its ending with us climbing a whole gross of steps.

Leo: Yeah but we didn’t climb all the way up originally. But now I’m kind of wishing we had cause I’m already getting kind of winded.

Don: (Voice) The Siblings may have the lead but something tells me they won’t hold onto it for long.

(In traffic Jacques and Josee notice cars are moving to the side and one cab is allowing to pass on through. Sam and May both flip the Ice Dancers off. This makes Josee quite irate)

Josee: Follow them!

Jacques: Oui! (Drives forward)

(At the observation deck Leo and Annie finally arrive. Both are panting a lot)

Annie: 3 cases. We’re still in the lead!

Leo: (Grabs a briefcase and reads the tip on it) Take this briefcase to the midway chill zone in Central Park.

(Don is now at the midway chill zone)

Don: Now that they have the briefcase teams must race here to this mid-point chill zone and hand me their tip to move on to the final challenge! Only the first 2 teams to arrive will be allowed to proceed. I hope we have enough cameras to capture that footage of the 3rd team because something tells me it will be good. (Rubs hands together)

(Back at the observation deck)

Annie: Let’s go! (Leo holds her for a brief moment)

Leo: Hold on, I got a better idea. (Flash cut to both sliding down the stair banister) Woo hoo!

Annie: This is incredibly dangerous you know!

Leo: I laugh in the face of danger! (Laughs) 

(Commercial break)

(On the streets Sam and May arrive and park)

Sam: (looks up) The Empire State Building. Man, King Kong did not to it enough justice.

May: I don’t see any other taxis. That means we’re first!

Sam: Now let’s keep it like that! (Both get out of the car, enter the building and start to climb the steps up. Sam is significantly ahead of May)

(Outside. Jacques and Josee park their taxi right on the sidewalk like a goddamn heathen. Then they get out and start to climb)

Josee: Come on! Run like the wind! (Somewhere along the way Leo & Annie pass both Sam and May and then Jacques and Josee) Oh come ooooonnnnnnnnnnnn! (Screams so loud it causes a nearby Broadway performer to not watch where he’s going and fall into the orchestra)

Jacques: Don’t worry we’ll pass them later! (Both of them continue up the steps. Surpassing Sam and May. They arrive at the observation deck and take a suitcase) Quick to Central Park! (They head back down)

Sam: (arrives at the top as Jacques and Josee head down. He calls down) Come on May!

May: (down below) What do you think I’m doing!?

(At ground floor Leo and Annie finally arrive)

Leo: Woo! Let’s head off to the park! (They exit the building and find the ice dancers taxi on the sidewalk) What makes you bet that’s the ice dancers cab?

Annie: What do you say we take it?

(They hop inside and drive to the park.)

(At the top May finally arrives and then grabs the briefcase)

May: (panting) To Central Park!

Sam: May are you okay?

May: (agitated) What do you think?! My lungs aren’t used to this kind of stress. I know you say I’m an athlete but right now I sure don’t feel like it!

Sam: I don’t know how you’ll be able to make it down the stairs quick enough. (Notices some construction work happening, complete with non-toxic insulation. Then he gets an idea. Flash cut; we see massive roll up of insulation falling down the stairs. At the bottom Jacques and Josee arrive to find their taxi missing)

Jacques: Où diable est-ce?!

Josee: (Notices Sam and May’s taxi) Let’s use that one! (They get into the taxi and take off, laughing maniacally)

(Along the way to Central Park Leo notices someone very familiar)

Leo: Okay I know we’re in the biggest race of our lives right now but there’s something I’ve just GOT to do now!

(On the sidewalk we see THE Chris McLean walking along with fancy shopping bags in hand.)

Chris: Ah, shopping in New York. As much fun as it was putting all those teens through the wringer on Total Drama it’s great to have some alone time for myself. I deserve it. (A taxi stops next to him and Leo steps out of it with his arms behind his back)

Leo: Pardon me but are you the multi-talented and very handsome Chris McLean?

Chris: (flattered) Why yes. And who are you?

Leo: I’m just someone who’s very excited to meet you in person after watching you on TV for years. Mind if I take a photo?

Chris: Sure. (Sets bags down and poses) Is this a good angle?

Leo: Very much so. Now smile and say…. Payback’s a total F&%*ING BITCH! (Raises his hands to show he’s holding the briefcase and then uses it to smack Chris on the head. Once he goes down, “Swan Lake Finale” by Tchaikovsky plays and Leo smacks him with the briefcase at every punctuation) This is for listening in on people’s private moments! This is for eliminating Sierra because of an accident! This is for letting Ezekiel go feral! This is for letting teens live amongst radioactive waste! This for mutating a poor girl! This is for not caring for people’s sake and wellbeing! This is for being a sadist! This is for grandpa! This is for grandma! This is for June! For Quince! For Annie! And this is for being the biggest douchebag on television since they let that moron onto Even Stevens, Bitch! (Smacks him once more for good measure, gets back in the car and drives off to Central Park) Au revoir!

Chris: (Hurt) I don’t know who you are but you’re banned from any and all future shows I may host!

Leo: (Out the window) The day I’m on one of your shows is the day there’s a black woman in both the White House AND the Vatican!

(Confessional)  
\---> Leo: For the record I said that not because I don’t believe it’s impossible but the world in which we live in is making it impossible by not providing enough opportunities. Unless we change people.

(At the Empire State Building we see Anne Maria walking by when all of a sudden, the roll of insulation rolls out of the building and in front of her)

Anne Maria: What the hell? (Pokes it. Suddenly a knife pops out and cuts through it. Anne Maria jumps back. Out of the roll are Sam and May, and the briefcase. May used Sam’s Swiss army knife to cut them free)

May/Sam: It worked! Woo hoo! (They hug for a brief moment before looking around and being unable to find their taxi)

Sam: Where’s the taxi?!

May: Probably with the Ice Dancers, let’s just run! (They hightail it to Central Park)

Anne Maria: (dumbfounded) Felicia was right, New York is weird. (Walks off in the opposite direction)

(Along the way Sam and May pass by a café and grab 2 coffees from people)

Sam: We need this a lot more than you do! (Both drink the coffees and with the caffeine in their blood streams they run faster, fast for their mothers, fast for their fathers, fast for their children and their sisters and brothers. Oops sorry, got off course for a second there)

(At Central Park Leo and Annie arrive, park the car, grab the briefcase and then run to Don)

Annie: Here you go Don! (Presents the tip to him but a gust of wind blows it away)

Annie/Leo: No! No! No! No! No! (Run after it but it unfortunately falls into a storm drain) NOOOOOOO!

Leo: (saddened) We’re done!

Annie: (determined) No we aren’t!

Leo: Annie face the facts how can we get our tip from there!? We’d have to have the abilities of Plastic Man! Or be as small as a rat!

Annie: Rats you say eh? (Breathes in deeply and sings an enchanted aria like at the beginning Lindsey Stirling’s “Assassin’s Creed Medley”)

(Out in the city the Ice Dancers continue to make their way to Central Park.)

Josee: (wicked laughter) Only a few miles left until we get out gold, our money and the admiration we so rightly deserve.

Jacques: It’s as though the gods arranged everything just for us.

Josee: It’s a simple matter of fact, you always get what you deserve. (Both laugh again. Zoom out to reveal Eris, the goddess of discord, chaos, disorder and all that rot, watching them on the crystal ball along with Nike the victory goddess.)

Nike: Like I said. Delusional with a capital D.

Eris: (posh English accent) Don’t worry Nike I know exactly what to do with them. (snaps fingers)

(Back on earth there’s rumbling in the city. People look nervous, then out of nowhere from the storm gates and sewer openings comes….. RATS! Swarms of rats come out from everywhere all over the city! People run in terror and panic. Sam and May manage to run right through the commotion like Col Kilgore in Apocalypse Now)

Sam: Even for New York this seems crazy!

May: I like it crazy!

Sam: Same! (Both slide across a taxi’s hood and make their way across an uncleared crosswalk, somehow managing to not get hit)

(Inside Jacques and Josee’s taxi they seem worried about what’s happening around them)

Jacques: What on earth is happening out there?!

Josee: Just ignore it and stay focused on making it to Central Park! We’re almost there!

(The swarm of rats cause one big rig driver to swerve out of the way and smash his trailer into Jacques and Josee. Their taxi then rolls over several times before coming to a stop on the sidewalk, upside down. Right up above from where the crashed, a painter almost loses his balance but stays on, though his paint cans fall)

Jacques: (hurt) Ow.

Josee: Are you still alive?

Jacques: Yes.

Josee: Then get out, we’ll run from this point on! (Unbuckles herself and gets out of the car through the window. Jacques follows suit. Once they’re both outside 2 buckets of paint fall on them, bronze on Josee and silver on Jacques.) Bronze?!

Jacques: Silver?! (A can of golden paint falls on one poor pedestrian and causes him to fall into an open sewer grate)

Jacques/Josee: Oh come on!!!!

Josee: Let’s just make it to Central Park now! (Both start to run but that crash left them unable to run as fast as they can)

(Back on Mt Olympus Nike & Eris laugh)

(Back with Annie and Leo all seems calm. She continues to sing and then a rumbling noise is heard. Then… a cute little rat pops out from the storm drain with their clue in his mouth)

Annie: Thank you Templeton! (Takes it from the rodent)

Leo: Come on! (Both run back to Don)

Don: (On the phone) What do you mean a rat swarm? Everything’s fine here. (The Siblings finally arrive in front of him) Hold on a moment. (Takes the tip from Annie and Leo) Siblings congratulations on being first! (They cheer) There’s the Don Box with your last challenge. (Points behind himself)

(Annie and Leo run and get the tip)

Annie: (reads) All-in, buoys will be buoys! (Both start running) Go to the boathouse and use one of the boats to search the buoys in the pond for the combination to unlock your briefcase!

Leo: (they stop before a cotton candy vender) Where’s the boathouse?!

Vender: Which one?

Leo: (Gabs him by the shirt) The one for this park’s freaking pond!

Vender: Try the one up the path to the left.

Annie/Leo: Thanks! (They leave)

(Meanwhile in the city the Ice Dancers and Anime Nerds are still running through the chaos. Jacques and Josee aren’t afraid to literally push people out of the way, even a man with a cane and a mother with her baby in a carriage. Sam and May duck, bob and weave their way through people, even saving one man from falling off his ladder. It’s a total f&%*ing fracas! Both of them can see Central Park in their midst and give it all they’ve got! Little by little they both take turns usurping the lead. Don can see both teams approaching. He clutches a stress ball, not even he’ll know who’ll make it. Who does?! Find out next week, only on The Ridonculous Race! *laughs* I’m just kidding you, I‘m not that cruel. One team finally places all 4 feet on the mid-way chill zone first. It’s…………... SAM AND MAY! On Mt Olympus Nike slams the chess pieces of Jacques & Josee on the 3rd place pedestal, she then dusts her hands off for a job well done.)

Don: Sam and May you’re officially team number 2! (Grabs their tip while they cheer) There’s the next don box. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (They run off. Don stands before the exhausted and colorful Ice Dancers) Ice Dancers, I regret that this took me so long to say but you are OUTTA HERE! Any last thoughts? (The stand dignified) Wow, you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would.

Jacques: Well Don the most important thing about being an Olympian is remaining dignified. Right Josee? (Josee just stands with a star struck expression for a few moments but in her mind, things are anything but placid. She recalls all the trials she had to undergo on this race in addition to all the training she endured just to make it to the Olympics, like all the falling on the ice, pulled muscles, long hours, special diets and of course the punishment she would get from her mother if she performed less than exemplary, being locked in a dark closet which persisted even after she was an adult. Then she snaps) Josee?

Josee: (screams & roars, jumping onto the angel statue and kicking its head off, then dropping to the ground and tossing a food cart like it was nothing. Then she takes a poor innocent tourist lady hostage and starts running around like a mad gorilla. Jacques runs after her)

Jacques: Josee! (We see her and the tourist on her back as Josee start climbing up the Empire State Building, grunting like an ape. Zoom out to reveal she’s actually climbing up a 50 ft LEGO construct of it being transported to MOMA. As they reach the top, we see police and bystanders surrounding the debacle and filming it with their phones. One guy even uses a drone to get good aerial footage. Josee waves the poor tourist around, Jacques then starts to climb the LEGO tower himself. When he reaches the top he tries to talk some sense into her) Josee! Just accept it! WE! ARE! BRONZE! (Gives her a bitch slap to end all bitch slaps. This allows Josee to come back to reality and get a good look at her surroundings, THIS is what her obsession with perfection has gotten her. She can feel the shame overcome her)

Josee: (regretful) Oh mon dieu. Is this what I’ve become? Some sort of savage rampaging animal? Did I let my obsession and desire with winning consume me and purposefully let it degrade my character and morality to the point where I’d do almost anything to win?

Everyone in the immediate vicinity: YES!

Josee: Maybe this is a sign, a sign that we’re not ready to be gold medalists yet. But if we can work and improve ourselves and genuinely be the sweethearts of Canada we wish to be, then we will get our gold.

Jacques: I agree Josee, and the best part of all is we can do this together. (Holds her hand)

Police Officer: Fire! (A sniper shoots 2 tranquilizer darts at the Ice Dancers, they feel groggy and then they, and the poor tourist, start to fall. Vesti La Giubba from Pagliacci plays as they fall to the ground in slow mo, thankfully at the bottom air cushions break their falls. A few minutes later Don talks to a police officer while Jacques and Josee lie on stretchers all groggy, you know kind of like when Heather got shot by that tranq gun back on Wawanakwa. Good times man, good times. The tourist is unharmed and goes back to sightseeing) 

Don: Listen officer I just need them for at least another hour, then you can do whatever you want with them. I know they’re pains in the ass but we need the whole cast together for the finale peanut gallery.

Officer: Who’s in the finale?

Don: The Anime Nerds & the Siblings.

Officer: My kids love them both. (Looks at the Ice Dancers) You know what they’re not going anywhere so, sure. We’ll deal with them afterwards.

Don: (shakes his hand) Thank you. Follow me please. (Leads 2 other officers who wheel Jacques & Josee to the peanut gallery)

=== Best of Jacques and Josee === (A slideshow is shown of Jacques and Josee's best moments from The Ridonculous Race. Jacques and Josee voice-over as they play the slideshow.)

Jacques: (slurred voice) I wish I could say I was proud of what we did but how can I? We disgraced our families, our names and the Olympics.

Josee: (slurred voice) You’re right. Most of the stunts we pulled were so childish and unbecoming. We really should’ve known better.

Jacques: (slurred voice) Let’s look at the bright side, we won 6 prizes. And with any luck we can learn from this whole experience and achieve that perfection we so richly desire.

(We resume focus on the 2 of them being wheeled to the peanut gallery)

Josee: (slurred) You know what, you’re right. I’m turning over a new leaf, from this moment on I will try and be a better person. (A woman walking her dog walks by them and the dog urinates on Josee’s leg) You know what? I’m gonna let this slide. Though that’s mostly the drugs talking.

Jacques: (slurred) Good on you Josee, good on you.

Don: (Voice as we see split screen video of the final 2 teams) Now that the Ice Dancers are finally out of the way, let’s see how our final 2 teams are doing.

(Sam & May get their tip and start to run to the boathouse. As they continue May looks like she’s on her last legs)

Sam: Come on May don’t give up now, we’re in the home stretch!

May: (exhausted) You’ve been saying that since this morning! I don’t know if I can go on! My entire body is cramping up! (Falls to the ground)

Sam: No! (Notices a fruit car vendor too engrossed in his cell phone to pay attention. At that point he does what he must do and grabs a hand of bananas for both himself and May. He gives a few to her) Come on May eat!

May: Fine! (Both of them eat their bananas. May’s body starts to not feel as exhausted as it was before, she stands.) I’m feeling better. 

Sam: Think you can last just one more hour?

May: Oh yeah, now I can. (Both run up ahead to the boathouse)

(At the boathouse Annie and Leo arrive and get ready to put a canoe into the water)

Leo: Time to go sailing.

Annie: Look! (Points to Sam and May arriving) That can only mean one thing. The Ice Dancers didn’t make it! (She and Leo clap and cheer)

Leo: Now to get back to dignified game play. (They put the canoe in the water, and start to paddle)

Sam: Come on! (He and May hop into a canoe and start to paddle)

Don: (voice) Both teams are now in the water and are searching for the combination lock to open their briefcase and get their last tip, which has the directions to the final chill zone of the season! (Is now seen at the chill zone along with all the other eliminated teams sitting nearby at some wooden bleachers) First team here wins 100,000,000 pennies! (Everyone cheers, save for Jacques and Josee & the Goths, though that’s more for their lack of exuberant emotions than any ill will)

(Confessional)  
\---> Leonard: Of course we believe we could've gone further.  
\---> Tammy: Had we made it to Las Vegas we could've really wowed with our magic.  
\---> Leonard: Yes, how dare those eastern enthusiasts say they are better than us.  
\---> Tammy: Yeah, observe this demonstration. (They pull a glass jar, some white powder and a clear liquid out of hammerspace. They set the jar on a stool, pour the powder in and then the liquid. It starts to bubble)  
\---> Leonard: Wait for it. (The mixture explodes and blows the 2 of them out of the confessional)  
\---> Leonard/Tammy: (off screen) We're okay!

(Confessional)  
\---> Mickey: Looking at what lied ahead in the season for us we're kind of glad we went when we did.  
\---> Jay: Yeah we don't know how we could've done most of those things without breaking a limb.   
\---> Mickey: At least we didn't embarrass ourselves on TV. (A spider enters the confessional) SPIDER! (He and Jay run around the confessional before colliding into each other)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gerry: We may have left way too soon but the race wasn't a total loss.  
\---> Pete: We managed to get a new sponsorship deal, for copper compression joint sleeves.  
\---> Gerry: Still it would've been great to have made it to Dubai and made that Fabian kid eat his words. That was the worst impression of me I've ever seen.  
\---> Pete: You kidding? He nailed you right on the head.  
\---> Gerry: I don't sound a thing like that!  
\---> Pete: Yes you do!  
\---> Gerry: No I don't!  
\---> Pete: Yes you do!  
\---> Gerry: No I don't! (Their arguing devolves into a childish slap fight)

(Confessional)  
\---> Rock: It sucks we went home before the competition got really rockin' but watching this season gave me an idea for a whole new album! Here's an incomplete preview. First song is "Skywalk" inspired by our first day on the race. Next song is "Crash Landing" inspired by our elimination in Brazil. Next one is "Trouble in Paradise" inspired by the daters breaking up in Hawaii. Then there's "Rock Goddess" inspired by Dani's epic performance in Finland, seriously Ms. Telani you're aces in my book! (Gives thumbs up) "Cluster*ck" inspired by Carrie telling Devin her true feelings when Shelly broke up with him. Then there's "Bunny Love" inspired by Leo professing his love to June, (cries a little) so emotional. Then there's "The Dragon's Den" inspired by the Komodo dragons. Then there's "Roller Coaster Make Up" inspired by the daters making up. "Fractured Island" inspired by June and Quince's elimination. "Axis of Evil" inspired by the Axis of Evil in Vietnam. And "Final 4" inspired by the final 4. I mean sure we'd like to be a part of it but just being present at the finale is good enough.  
\---> Spud: (gasps) We're in the finale? Ah hell yeah! We're killing it! (rock symbols)

(Confessional)  
\---> Laurie: We would've loved to have made it further and visited all the wonders of nature like the Savannah, the Galapagos and Indonesia.  
\---> Miles: But at least we left before we we're forced into eating any more meat. (shudders)  
\---> Laurie: To be honest I would've eaten it.  
\---> Miles: (incredulous) What?!  
\---> Laurie: Well they already made us eat meat once, it's not like doing it again would've been any worse.  
\---> Miles: (thinks) You may have a point there.

(Confessional)  
\---> Kelly: I really would've liked to have made it farther but you're not too sad we're not in the finale right honey?  
\---> Taylor: Well we're already rich so it's not like we desperately needed the money. And truth be told I'm kind of glad we left when we did. We left before we had to do any of the gross stuff like eat bugs, or share a sauna, or fight with tomatoes, or deal with those iguanas, or squeeze into that train in Japan, or ride those burros, or stick my hand in a fish's mouth. In retrospect we dodged a bullet.  
\---> Kelly: Well at least you were honest.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ellody: How we left before some of the other teams is truly a mystery.  
\---> Mary: Indeed. Had we made it past the Finland leg there would’ve been nary a challenge we couldn’t have accomplished. Still, watching the continuous downward spiral of those silver medalists was very enjoyable.  
\---> Ellody: (laughs a little) Oh very much so. Now I know why my father likes Seinfeld so much.

(Confessional)  
\---> Lorenzo: I'll admit both teams left have skill.  
\---> Chet: Yeah but neither of them are a match for our newest invention. Kung fu Parkour!  
\---> Lorenzo: Check this out!  
\---> Chet/Lorenzo: (Both do a multitude of silly moves and Lorenzo manages to break the camera)  
\---> Lorenzo: Are we gonna have to pay for that?

(Confessional)  
\---> Yves: It kind of sucked to go home relatively early. There was still good stuff ahead, like Japan & San Francisco & London & Rome. But we can’t dwell on what might have been, and at least we got to see the Bloggers progress. They did pretty well.  
\---> Aaryn: So did Devin & Carrie, glad they got together. The surfers & the sisters also did good too. As did Syd & Dani. I mean I know they only lasted like 2 more legs after us but it wasn’t that bad.

(Confessional)  
\----> Syd: I do regret several of the things I did on the race. I underestimated what my mother could do and I let my emotions get the best of me but you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20. I’m still proud of us for making it to Alberta.  
\----> Dani: Should we ever be invited to compete on an all-star season we really feel like we’ll do much better. You know provided I could ever get that much time off work again.

(Confessional)  
\---> Owen: It would be nice to be in the finale personally but just being here amongst all our fellow competitors, and the ice dancers, is good enough for me. (to Noah) You’re not to upset that Emma & Kitty aren’t in the finale, right?  
\---> Noah: Well maybe a little but a million dollars can be won with any lottery. A girlfriend however comes along only a select few times in a life. And once you got her, you gotta make sure you can stay with her for as long as possible cause all of our time is just temporary.  
\---> Owen: (cries) That was beautiful. Come here! (Bear hugs him)  
\---> Noah: (gasping) Please release!

(Confessional)  
\---> Ryan/Stephanie: (are making out but then they notice the camera)  
\---> Ryan: Oh, it's you.  
\---> Stephanie: Well, we enjoyed our time on the show but we really think we could've gone farther, but still being in the finale is such an honor.  
\---> Ryan: That what you want? Cause that's what everyone else is parroting. (no response) Good.  
\---> Stephanie: Now. (The begin to make out again)

(Confessional)  
\---> June: It’s one thing to be eliminated at the halfway point but it’s another thing to be eliminated because of another team’s sabotage. I was so angry when I found out the real reason for our elimination, I could only do 50 grande jattes in a row. We deserved better!  
\---> Quince: Definitely. But look at the brightside, Leo & Annie are still in it. And we could potentially be dating millionaires by the end of the day.  
\---> June: You’re right, guess it’s not a total wash after all.

(Confessional)  
\---> Ennui: It's weird but we're happy.  
\---> Crimson: We're glad that the ice dancers are out of the competition, and they got exactly what was coming to them. I guess all our prayers to No-Face worked. (Both smile, really they genuinely smile)

(Confessional)  
\---> Gabriella: Of course, we want to be in the finale, or at the very least see the cadets in the finale, but at least the Ice Dancers aren’t in it. And that’s enough of a win for me.  
\---> Nekota: It was enough of a win for me to see both of them get kicked in family jewels by MacArthur. (laughs) I really wish we could’ve made it to Greece, we would’ve cut through those labors like butter.

(Confessional)  
\---> Geoff: Kind of sucks to have gone home when it was getting pretty nitty gritty but we don’t regret any of the choices we made on the show. Well except for those burritos.  
\---> Brody: We stuck true to ourselves and we had a blast. Still wish we could’ve gone to Rome and eaten all that pasta. I love pasta.  
\---> Geoff: I know man. I’m so hungry right now. Good thing we’re all being treated to a nice fancy dinner after this.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jen: We may not be in the finale but our blog has blown up since we were on the show.  
\---> Tom: Yeah. When we got home we easily had over 50,000 new comments & 20,000 new subscribers!  
\---> Jen: We’re on fire and really that’s what we wanted the most.  
\---> Tom: Not to mention we acquired the best new wardrobe while on the race. I love this show, more when I’m not on it though.

(Confessional)  
\---> Carrie: You know it’s weird. I thought that us dating would be a major change in life but it’s not, they only difference is there’s a weight off my chest. And I’ve never felt happier.  
\---> Devin: Me too. Rewatching the show I’m kicking myself for not getting all of Carrie’s hints about her crush on me sooner. (Laughs) Good thing you’re dating me for my personality & looks as opposed to my intelligence. (Both laugh)) But all joking aside we’re proud of the way we raced and wouldn’t be out of competing again, this time as a couple though. (They hold hands)

(Confessional)  
\---> Dwayne: It’s so nice to know that Sam & May and Annie & Leo are in the finale over those infernal little imps.  
\---> Junior: Nice trash talking dad. (They fist bump)  
\---> Dwayne: Thanks. I hope this serves as warning to all the young folk watching that the only way to win is to play fair.  
\---> Junior: I can’t wait for school to start next week; I can tell everyone all the juicy details about what happened and the fact that I know both the finalists.  
\---> Dwayne: I hope one team would be willing to spot me some money so I can get this tattoo removed. My boss says it’s too distracting.

(Confessional)  
\---> Jordan: We’re not ashamed of the effort we put in on this show. We did things we never thought we could do and went to places we always dreamed about.  
\---> Fabian: It’s not about how you win but how you play the game.  
\---> Jordan: Looking back, I know for a fact I can reminisce on my time on the show without regret. And I can’t say that about everything in my life.  
\---> Fabian: It’s not about how you win but how you play the game.  
\---> Jordan: This show was an exercise in teamwork and cooperation and we know for a fact we did both to the best of our abilities. If we could do this again, I don’t think I’d change a thing.  
\---> Fabian: It’s not about how you win but how you play the game.  
\---> Jordan: Well, except for one obvious thing.

(Confessional)  
\---> MacArthur: It’s like I said before, we’re a great team and rewatching the show only reaffirms that. I love watching us run and especially watching us win, but I really, really love watching the Ice Dancers flip out! Priceless!  
\---> Sanders: It certainly wasn’t easy to lose so close to the finale but you must learn to take your victories and your losses as they come. We know for a fact that if we ever come back on this show, we can run this race even better the second time around.  
\---> MacArthur: (Grabs the camera) You hear that?! Invite us back for an all-star season! We’ve earned it!

(Confessional)  
\---> Emma: 4th place is nothing to be ashamed of. We came with intent of winning but we left with something better, a tighter bond.   
\---> Kitty: And don’t forget a boyfriend.  
\---> Emma: Yes that too. Can you believe tonight is our first date?  
\---> Kitty: Probably for the best it’s a group date. It’s always better to date in a group when you’re starting out as it relieves the pressure of impressions and kills awkward silences. 

(Confessional)  
\---> Jacques: (groggy) We may only be half awake but even we know that this finale is less than sub-standard.  
\---> Josee: (groggy) Agreed. There's no threat of suspense, no flair, no passion, no overwhelming favoritism, no drama, and no rivalry finally coming to ahead.  
\---> Jacques: (he and Josee both raise up scorecards with 0 on them) We give both teams a 0 for zest.  
\---> Josee: (groggy) Among other things.

(Out on the pond we see Leo and Annie rowing and Annie oar manages to get a snapping turtle stuck on it)

Annie: Sorry but I need this. (Shakes it off)

Sam: (He and May find their first buoy and he lifts it up. At the bottom are 341) First one, it’s 3 4 1! Is it correct?!

May: (dials it in but nothing happens) Try again.

Leo: (Lifts up his team’s first buoy. Its numbers are 211) 2 1 1 is the combo!

Annie: (dials it in but nothing happens) Nope.

(Sam lifts up a new buoy and this one has the combo 412, May dials it in but it’s not the one they need. Leo finds one with the combo 515 but it doesn’t work. Sam finds one with the combo 243 but it’s not the one they need. Leo finds one with 038 on it but that doesn’t work. Sam finds one with 949 but that’s not it. Leo finds one with 317 but that doesn’t work and neither does 447, 551, 117, or 419. Annie then dials in the combo 126 and it opens!)

Annie: Yes! (Grabs the golden tip) Ooh it’s gold. I’ve got the map to the chill zone!

Leo: Let’s make landfall! (Both immediately start rowing to the shore.)

Sam: You don’t have it yet. (Picks up a new one and this says 809) 8 0 9!

May: (Dials it in and it opens) Yes! Here we come Don! (Both teams row to shore, get off their boats and start to follow the tips to the chill zone)

Don: (Voice) This is it! The final push! After every country and challenge it’s all going to finally pay off for one team! Who will arrive first?!

May: Sorry guys, it’s not personal. It’s just money!

Leo: Likewise.

Sam: Excelsior!

Annie: I’ve climbed a mountain, crossed a river and I’m almost there!

(Sam, May, Leo and Annie all run like gazelle on the Serengeti. They can all soon see the final chill zone in their sights, then they start to run near synchronously. People cheer for all 4 of them, both teams take turns passing each other little by little. As they climb the final few steps to the final chill zone, they all take a big leap into the air! Time seems to stand still for a moment and then……… all 4 land on the chill zone!)

Everyone: Who won?!

Don: (takes out a tablet and rewinds to just before they landed on the chill zone. The air is really fracking tense right now! He plays the footage at super slow-mo, through a frame by frame analysis we can see that Leo got both his feet onto the chill zone first, followed by Sam, then May and finally Annie.) The first team to get all 4 feet on it the chill zone first was Sam & May! The Anime Nerds are the winners! (People cheer for them while Sam and May hug each other, both look like they’re going to cry. Battle Born by The Killers plays and confetti cannons go off. Pretty soon everyone, save for Jacques and Josee, run onto the stage to congratulate them. Off to the side Leo and Annie stand, trying to fully process what happened)

Annie: (sad) I’m so sorry Leo. If only my legs were longer, that would be us right now.

Leo: (places hands on her shoulder) Don’t apologize for anything. Look at where we are, and the reason we are here is because we worked together in tandem like a machine. We don’t have anything to be ashamed or unproud of. Thanks for racing with me. (They hug)

June: (she and Quince come walking up to them) Hey guys.

Leo: Hey. Sad you can’t say you’re dating a millionaire?

June: A little, but I hope this makes up for it. (Kisses him)

Annie: Me next! (Hugs Quince and kisses him. They fall to the ground but continue anyway)

=== Best of Leo and Annie === (The screen shows a video montage of Leo and Annie’s best moments from The Ridonculous Race. Leo and Annie voice over.)

Leo: (voice) How does that old saying go? We didn’t lose we just let the other team win?

Annie: (voice) Something like that I think.

Leo: (voice) Going into this race I wondered if we where in over our heads about it but as we advanced through the legs, I knew we could take it if we just kept putting one foot in front of the other, and always having each other’s backs. 

Annie: (voice) I’ve never been through something this difficult before and I’m glad I did it. I truly do feel like I’m a new person by doing this. A better person even.

Leo: (voice) I loved the fact that we got to London. Not to mention the other 5 legs we won. And of course, Paris.

Annie: (voice) I loved being in Zimbabwe and Iceland and Japan and Washington DC and even the Galapagos, in spite of what happened there.

Leo: (voice) This is something we’ll never forget. Something we can always hold onto together. And I know for a fact that we made our grandparents proud.

Annie: (voice) Not just that, we made ourselves proud too. I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the whole world.

Leo: (voice) Well that’s good cause we kind of just saw it all.

(Don cuts through the crowd to present Sam and May with their prize)

Don: Sam, May I have something that belongs to you. (Presents the open briefcase to them)

Sam/May: Make it rain! (They grab the briefcase and toss it into the air and then laugh as the money falls down on them)

=== Best of Sam and May === (The screen shows a video montage of Sam and May’s best moments from The Ridonculous Race. Sam and May voice over.)

Sam: (voice) Woo! This is what life is all about! Earning money doing something you love with someone you love.

May: (voice) I’m a Crazy Rich Asian now!

Sam: (voice) I’m actually still kind of shocked we won.

May: (voice) I’m not. We were the best team out of everyone and this is proof, not that there weren’t a couple of amazing teams we raced alongside.

Sam: (voice) We are the best example of balancing each other out. For every crazy ass stunt I pulled, she followed with a smart tactical decision.

May: (voice) It was nothing really, we were just ourselves.

Sam: (voice) If you told me a month ago that we’d be millionaires after a trip around the world, I’d think for sure you were shrooming but now I feel like I’m the one who’s shrooming. This is awesome! Everything is awesome!

May: (voice) Especially when you’re part of our team! As much fun as the money is what truly made this race great was all the fun we had. We went to Japan, we went to DC, we went to Transylvania, China, Zimbabwe, New Zealand, London, Athens, Rome, Venice and Australia! I officially need a new bucket list!

Sam: (voice) In the immortal words of RuPaul, this is the beginning of the rest of our lives!

May: (voice) And we got it right! (snaps fingers)

(We See Sam and May putting all their money back into the brief case. Then they close it and stand by each other, happier than they ever have been before. Don and the rest of the teams surround them)

Don: I love happy endings!

Josee: (slurred) What’s so happy? I lost!

Don: Like I said, happy endings. (To the camera) We hope you’ve enjoyed our race around the world and we hope to see you next time. Only on THE RIDONCLOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera causing a bright flash. Ending the episode)

(ALTERNATE ENDING)

(Sam, May, Leo and Annie all run like gazelle on the Serengeti. They can all soon see the final chill zone in their sights, then they start to run near synchronously. As they climb the final few steps to the final chill zone, they all take a big leap into the air! Time seems to stand still for a moment and then……… all 4 land on the chill zone!)

Everyone: Who won?!

Don: (takes out a tablet and rewinds to just before they landed on the chill zone. The air is really fracking tense right now! He plays the footage at super slow-mo, through a frame by frame analysis we can see that Leo got both his feet onto the chill zone first, followed by Sam, then Annie and finally May.) The first team to get all 4 feet on it the chill zone first was Leo & Annie! The Siblings are the winners! (People cheer for them while Leo and Annie hug each other, both look like they’re going to cry. If I Dream by RuPaul plays and confetti cannons go off. Pretty soon everyone, save for Jacques and Josee, run onto the stage to congratulate them. Off to the side Sam and May stand, trying to fully process what happened)

Sam: Well… damn.

May: Hey if we could’ve lost to anyone, I’m glad it was them.

Sam: Thanks for everything.

May: You too. (They kiss)

Jordan: (she and Fabian come walking up to them) Hey guys. Sorry you’re just a silver medalist.

Sam: Unlike some people I don’t mind finishing second. Besides second place in this competition is nothing to sneeze at.

May: And it’s not like it was all for naught. We’ve got vacations to plan. And guess what, we’re going to DC!

Fabian: National zoo!

Jordan: And don’t forget the National Art Galleries.

Sam: And Ford Theater.

May: And the MLK Memorial.

Fabian: (Notices Leo and Annie) Oh did they win? Good on them! (Claps for them)

=== Best of Sam and May === (The screen shows a video montage of Sam and May’s best moments from The Ridonculous Race. Sam and May voice over.)

Sam: (voice) That was amazing. Million dollars or not.

May: (voice) This truly was a once in a life time experience and I’ll be forever grateful we did this as a team.

Sam: (voice) I thought we did pretty damn well. I mean for every crazy ass stunt I pulled, she followed through with a smart tactical decision.

May: (voice) And that’s how you work. You balance each other out.

Sam: (voice) Well we go together great, phenomenally even. Like butter and grits, kibbles and bits, yin and yang, Sturm and Drang, and Eng and Chang.

May: (voice) What was your favorite part? Cause I really liked Japan & DC & Greece & Rome & London.

Sam: (voice) I’d have to say Paris & New Zealand & Galapagos & Japan & Zimbabwe & Transylvania & Las Vegas.

May: (voice) This is an experience we’ll always have to share together.

Sam: (voice) I guess the question now is what to do next since we already saw the world?

May: (voice) Don’t worry we’ll think of something.

Sam: (voice) And I know for fact it will be riveting.

(Don cuts through the crowd to present Leo and Annie with their prize)

Don: Leo, Annie I have something that belongs to you. (Presents the open briefcase to them)

Leo/Annie: (hug him) Thank you Don! (He drops the money and hugs back)

=== Best of Leo and Annie === (The screen shows a video montage of Leo and Annie’s best moments from The Ridonculous Race. Leo and Annie voice over.)

Leo: (voice) This is amazing!

Annie: (voice) I don’t think amazing is enough to describe this moment! It’s quite literally supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Leo: (voice) This is what well over a month’s work of cooperation and teamwork and fair play gets you.

Annie: (voice) To see the world by itself was already a wonderful gift but to win the money is the icing on the most delicious cake I’ve ever tasted.

Leo: (voice) We proved that sabotage doesn’t get you anything but eliminated. We stayed honest and true to ourselves, just like it always should be.

Annie: (voice) Money aside we made so many wonderful friends and memories. We went to Paris and London and Italy and Japan and San Francisco and DC and Hawaii and Africa!

Leo: (voice) Above all, we both found love in a seemingly hopeless place. I can only hope this marks the beginning of 2 wonderful relationships that have the ability to end on happy notes rather than ones of regret and sorrow.

Annie: (voice) I think my favorite part was the safari challenge in Zimbabwe.

Leo: (voice) Well I loved beating the ice dancers right here in New York.

Annie: (voice) Something tells me everything is coming sunshine and Santa Claus. For me and for you!

Leo: (voice) And nobody in all of Oz can bring us down from this high.

(We see Leo and Annie hugging each other and the case simultaneously. Don and the rest of the teams surround them)

Don: I love happy endings!

Ennui: Happiness is subjective.

Crimson: But I will agree, this does warm my heart.

Don: I bet that’s a first. (To the camera) We hope you’ve enjoyed our race around the world and we hope to see you next time. Only on THE RIDONCLOUS RACE! (Smiles to the camera causing a bright flash. Ending the episode)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done! What can I say other than I hope you've all enjoyed this little re-imagining of mine. I've never done anything like this before and to hear all the positive feedback has been wonderful. I do hope you're okay with the winners this time around (my apologies to all the fans of the Surfers and the Cadets). It's not that I don't like either of the real winners but I just thought of doing something a bit different with this story. I can only hope enough of you like my OC's enough to be happy with this end result. Favorite part: Leo beating the plum pudding out of Chris. Followed by Eris doing what she does best. 
> 
> FINAL RESULTS:  
> Sam & May (1st)  
> Leo & Annie (2nd)  
> Jacques & Josee (3rd)  
> Emma & Kitty (4th)  
> MacArthur & Sanders (5th)  
> Fabian & Jordan (6th)  
> Dwayne & Junior (7th)  
> Devin & Carrie (8th)  
> Tom & Jen (9th)  
> Geoff & Brody (10th)  
> Gabriella & Nekota (11th)  
> Crimson & Ennui (12th)  
> June & Quince (13th)  
> Ryan & Stephanie (14th)  
> Owen & Noah (15th)  
> Syd & Dani (16th)  
> Aaron & Yves (17th)  
> Chet & Lorenzo (18th)  
> Mary & Ellody (19th)  
> Kelly & Taylor (20th)  
> Laurie & Miles (21st)  
> Rock & Spud (22nd)  
> Gerry & Pete (23rd)  
> Jay & Mickey (24th)  
> Leonard & Tammy (25th)


End file.
